My Plea To Stupid People (AKA My Get Rich Scheme)

Arrrr! Hands off, landlubber! And don't touch my treasure either!

I know there are a lot of stupid people out there. The popularity of such shows as Jerry Springer, Judge Judy, Cops and Survivor says as much. I smell opportunity here..provided some of these people are capable of finding their way onto the internet. I see that you managed to find your way here. That's a start.

By clicking here, you've admitted that you're stupid. Hey, would a smart person be lingering around my homepage after reading the first couple paragraphs? I think not! That's a good first step. We can't all be geniuses like me. I'm not one to look down upon your matter how dim-witted you may be, and unlike the legion of scoundrels lying in wait for you..including televangelists, con men and scam artists..I would never dream of taking advantage of you. However, face're an idiot-and a fool and his money are soon parted. It's inevitable. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm capable of creating an elaborate Ponzi scheme that would sound so enticing to you that you'd be bending over backwards just to hand me your money. Yeah, your type always gets in just as it's about to crumble under its own weight. You'd be left penniless while I'd be laughing all the way to the bank. Alas, pyramid schemes are illegal. I don't want to wind up in jail as the bitch of a 350 pound axe murderer named Billy Bob. My butt wouldn't take kindly to that. I'm sure you probably don't really want that to happen..well, at least not to me. Let's leave your fantasies out of this, ok? I'm too lazy and lack the motivation to work out the details of such a devious plot anyway.

However, remember that the odds are overwhelming that you are eventually going to be taken to the cleaners. Like I said, it's inevitable. You're a numb skull. Brutish. Dull. Obtuse. Dense. An idiot. Not the sharpest tool in the shed. A dimwit. Doltish. A dumb bunny. A simp. A pinhead. A dumb cluck. A nitwit. Thick. Block-headed. Need I go on? I'm sure you've heard them all. Taking your money would be like taking candy from a baby, only easier..unless it's a stupid baby you're dealing with..then it would be a draw.

I'm going to be frank with you now. No, not Frank, dummy..I'm still Rick. That's frank, with a small "f". Listen up. I like money. No, I LOVE money..and I'll admit you're greenbacks are looking pretty good to me. So here's my proposition to you: give me half of your money. Yes, you heard me...I want you to just give it to me, plain and simple. I know you might think that's ludicrous, but hear me out. See, if you fork over half of your money, no one can ever, ever swindle you out of all your money, because all you can possibly ever lose is that other half. It's simple mathematics. I'm not pulling the wool over your eyes. Doesn't losing half your money sound more appealing than losing it all? Sure it does, right? See, you're not so dumb after all.

I know you're stupid, so I know you can see the logic in my offer-and that, my friend, is the advantage you have over all the intelligent people out there. I'm giving you an opportunity that millions of mentally challenged people never had. People who've lost their entire life savings. People too embarrassed to admit that they've lost everything. Are you willing to go through the suffering? The dismay? The grief? The chagrin? It will happen. You're a moron-and I mean that in its kindest sense of the word. There is an unfathomable amount of charlatans out there just lying in wait for you..but I'm willing to help you avoid a miserable fate. Please follow through on my scheme...errr...on this favourable juncture of circumstances for both of us. It's beautiful in it's simplicity, and the real beauty is, we both come out winners! How often do you see that happen? You'll never have to be humbled with the loss of all your hard earned cash, and I can provide for my loved ones while having more time to help out at the local soup kitchen. I'm sure their starving faces will just light up with news of that prospect. Can you look me in the eye and tell me you'll deny them that joy? Can you really? We'll both be the better for it. Thank you. I trust you'll do the right thing.

Come to think of might want to consider giving me the other half as well. Do you really want to be humiliated by people pointing and laughing at you every time you walk down the street, saying, "There goes the retard who got swindled out of half his money!!!"? Of course you don't! No one should have to suffer through such ridicule. Pass on the other half of your savings to me, and you never will! Think about it. It's a no brainer..just like you! You'll be able to hold your head up high, knowing you've done the smart thing for once. Right? Right! Act now..before it's too late.

You may be saying to yourself..why not just give it to charity instead? Well, you'd be surprised at the percentage of charitable donations that go to cover the administrative costs of charity organizations, and not to those you intended it to go to..and not to research either. Besides, charity begins at home..and my home is as good as any, my friend. So..what are you waiting for???

E-mail me. I'll give you an account number to which you can wire your funds..hurry! Or just send it to my post office box if you prefer.

Bend over. I'll show you what a golden goose is.


Click here to see Kooky Kaptions. I've outdone myself this time.

We all know e-mail can be a pain. I have a solution if you just don't have the time. You've heard of prefabricated housing, but now there's RICK'S PREFABRICATED E-MAIL.

Click here and have me write your e-mail for you!

I've created a page on which to unleash crazy things that pop into my head. I call it Psycho Babbling. I plan to add to it over time as future madness strikes. So please click on the link below.

Psycho Babbling

I came up my own tv spoilers for unaired episodes (episodes that should have been). Click on the link to see something I like to call TV MISGUIDED

Regis and Kelly agreed to interview me, asking an assortment of questions pulled from those pesky e-mail surveys that you're probably familiar with.

Click here to see a transcript of my appearance on Live With Regis and Kelly

I'm a sports fan and I've created a page where I have some fun with the names of athletes, and poked fun at some athletes themselves. I don't think you have to even like sports to get enjoyment out of the results.

Click here to see me Goofing On Sports

If I knew you were coming, I would've baked a cake. Who am I kidding. There's no chance in hell of that happening.


Get ready for a warm fuzzy feeling. No, that doesn't mean I have hairy palms!Click on the door to go to "Rick's Padded Cell" (about me page)


Scatter-brained Thoughts


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The song you would be hearing if I didn't remove my midi files is "Money For Nothing" by Dire Straits. I may be after money for nothing, but I highly doubt I'll be getting chicks for free anytime soon. Any martyrs out there???