Just you try to wipe this smirk off of my face!

Here are the proud (proud?) winners who are brave enough to admit to winning my award. Let's hear a boisterous round of applause for them...Hey! That sure didn't sound like applause. Or smell like it for that matter. Just what have you been eating? Unless they're listed here, they aren't real winners...just pathetic, lonely souls pretending to be popular. They'd probably like to run away with the circus, but the freak show is no longer politically correct. Hmmm..come to think of it, some of these winners would probably feel at home there too.

The Winners:

The Mazybolton Photo Caption Contest Page and Advice Column and Stuff

This page reeks of fun. Or something. Be sure to check out the madcap results of the Mazybolton Writer's Guild and all the other stuff that Papi has assembled here.

Katye's Land of Southern Comfort

The Cajun cooking clinched this award. Personality and great graphics didn't hurt either. The gator bite did though!

The Two Bit Award Page

(Site no longer exists.)

Dr. Mike has awards coming out of his (expletive deletive)! He's great at web design, probably due to time spent learning html while neglecting patients, I'm sure.

Nitin's Page

The Padded Cell has its first overseas winner-Nitin, who is originally from India. Now Pakistan finally has a good reason to nuke them! He is the sole resident of Dubai in the United Arab Emirates. Buy an atlas. Nitin did a swell job with effort. He sounds like quite an interesting individual with a good sense of humour.

The Witch's Lair

(Site no longer exists.)

I gave this award to OzWitch not entirely out of fear of being turned into a toad. I actually think it deserved it. A very interesting site.

When Good Toilets... Go BAD!

(Site no longer exists.)

It wasn't easy, but I think I found someone more demented than me! Craig has flushed out all kinds of crap pertaining to toilets as well as critiques of t.v. ads and infomercials-yeah he watches them. Uggh. Go see what the stink is about!

Elvis' Wonderful World of Cheez

Elvis is the king...ummmm I mean queen of this tribute to all things cheesy. Careful, the more you admit to remembering, the more you are dating yourself. This site ain't limburger-it's actually kind of fun!

Kathy's "The Maroon Lion"

(Site no longer exists.)

Kathy is neither maroon, nor a lion (at least I think not), yet she is the Maroon Lion. Yes, she knows it should technically be lioness, but it's her site, so screw you! Graphically, it puts my site to shame. An added bonus-it made me dizzy. Go see for yourself!

Tyler's "Glow-In-The-Dark-Page"

Call me crazy (everyone else does), but I'm a sucker (they call me that too) for gimmicks. That wins Tyler my award. Does it really glow? You'll have to go see to believe.

Don's "The Best of Ozz" page.

(Site no longer exists.)

I must be batty, but I think Don's tribute to Ozzy deserves my award. I think the Ozman would feel at home in my padded cell. Don's obsession may qualify him as well. The background music may drive you bonkers too (unlike on my pages..heh). Don has mp3 and midi downloads and great graphics, discographies, etc. Hop on his Crazy Train into cyberspace.

Jennifer's "Jenn's Page".

(Site no longer exists.)

Jennifer's site is geared more towards teenage girls, but hey-isn't there a little teenage girl in all of us? Well, there is in me from my cannibal period. Shhhhhh! It has links useful to gurls-whatever the hell they are! They used to be called girls. *scratches head* She also pays homage to 'Friends'-complete with quizes for fanatics and other things to amuse your little minds. Little did she know that I'd sign her slambook. Poor unsuspecting soul! Even if you aren't a teenage girl, you might find the Urban legends or something else entertaining, so give her a shout.

Xavier's "Angry German's Page".

Check out the ego on this guy. If he isn't God's gift to women, my name's not Mike. He's very opinionated and offers many forums (forae? fori?..where's a Roman when you need one?) for discussion, movie reviews of recent movies, quotes, jokes and more. Just don't make him angry. Oops, he already is. Go give his site a look-see, if you can stomach the type of person that thinks theirs is the only opinion that matters...no matter how irrational it is.

Matt's "Mental Hospital".

Matt's page appeals to the little child in me. Get out, child, damn you! Demented? Yes, Matt is. Funny? Definitely. At least I enjoyed it. So, if you want to see what happens when creativity, stupidity, political incorrectness and someone with perhaps too much time on his hands collide, and you need a few laughs, check into the Mental Hospital.

Krissy's Homepage.

Krissy's never won anything before, but hey Krissy, this award isn't much of an accomplishment...so keep quiet and no one will ever use it against you. Krissy is the smartest person that I've ever met from Mississippi (which still impresses me even though she's the only person I've met from there). She deserves an award for being a survivor and as tough as nails above all else (visit to see why), plus she's put together a good page with interesting links (Her poetry, fun stuff, etc. Demerit points for a Bill Clinton tribute though! Hey, she interned for a year *wink*). Give her a yell, she wants more hits. Don't we all?

Carly's "Page of Nothing in Particular".

(Site no longer exists.)

Anyone willing to admit that her nickname is "skank" and admits that most of her poetry is bad deserves my award (I'm not saying it IS bad). She has lots of links to stuff to amuse yourself (if you can't amuse yourself without links-try looking up your family tree perhaps-now that would be amusing!) Anyway, Carly seems like a nice girl. Not that I'd know. That's not the type I seem to attract. Stop by her site and say some stupid things in her slam book while you're there. Hey, you have an excuse. Everything you say is stupid!

"Luna's Lair".

(Site no longer exists.)

So, here I am reading a young lady's innermost feelings and secrets. Yes, a diary. You're thinking, "Pervert!" right? Well, that's another story...but yes, I did enjoy her on-line diary and spending a brief time inside her head. It's honest and an enjoyable read. Hell, the fact that she's a big time Beatles fan secured an award, but her site also has a French 101 (not really) tutor, pet dragons and more. One minus-she plays the clarinet. (Oh Oh! Now I'll be hunted down be band members everywhere. My worst nightmare come true.) Luna's page is well designed (unlike mine) and she sounds like a nice person. So she'll have you believe. So...if you're not a stalker (which rules out half of you), pay her a visit today.

Megan's Page.

(Site no longer exists.)

To say Megan is a Star Wars fan would be an understatement. If you sliced her open with a light saber, you'd find...well nothing really that would prove the fact, but it would still look pretty cool. Her page has a lot more than interesting or humourous Star Wars stuff including the ongoing adventures of Stuper...I mean Superhero and her dog Crappy...errr...Peppy, Peter Anspach's must-read "If I Ever Become An Evil Overlord", and Megan's own political satire, musings on life and those ever present nude photos...oh wait...that was another site. So use the Force to guide you to her site, or make it easy on yourself and click on the link like a sensible person would.

Bonnie's World.

Take a seat on Bonnie's infamous stinky couch and surf through Bonnie's World. She'll invite you inside her pocket. How many girls do that? Ok, how many girls do that to me? It's a collection of her own loony stories-good for hours of reading...if you read slowly. She also has an interactive story where you determine the outcome. Yes, she's another Star Wars freak, which better be a coincidence and not a developing pattern or someone's going to need the force to be with them. There's lots to see here, so go take a look. Just watch out for those butt feeding bears. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Sarah and Jon's "Our Wedding" page.

(Site no longer exists.)

Sure, they said no one would ever tie Sarah down, but Jon's been working out and he has lots of rope. I know you're thinking...yeah, yeah...a wedding page...yawn!...but Sarah works hard to make awesome websites and you won't be wasting time visiting this one. Be sure to check out the pictures of the proposal which took place at a nudist colony. There, that will bring traffic. Where was Jon hiding the ring? Your guess is as good as mine. heh

Chri$ Lewi$' Web$ite.

In the process of applying for my award, Chris confided that his site isn't as good as mine..but he works hard on it and he still thought it was worthy. You know what? Sucking up works! Besides, who's site is better than mine? *takes a bow* *dodges tomatoes* Anyway, Chris would have won the award even without the accolades, so stop by and give it a look-see. You'll find humour and some..ummm..interesting gifs, and feel compelled to sign his guestbook for some reason.

Bianca's "No, This Is Not A Normal Webpage"

No, in fact, it's far from it..so if you wind up leaving it scratching your head, it won't be entirely because Bianca has cooties. You'll feel like a rat in a maze trying to get from one page to the next. Bianca questions all that is normal, and I like that in a girl. How else could I succeed in the dating pool? Meet Bianca's evil cat, evil hampsters and beware of evil fluff. You can even pose Bianca a question..but only if you're prepared for the answer you might get. Go check out her page..this girl is "out there", and a worthy recipient of the Padded Cell Award.

Lanza and Susan's Ren-Faire Fashion Faux-Pas Website

As you can probably tell, I'm a Renaissance man at heart. Well, not really, but I've heard of the Renaissance. I'm a man. And I have a heart. The latter I can prove because I absolutely love this site. You will too if you enjoy sarcasm and people in funny clothes. Lanza and Susan spare no mercy. They also provide helpful hints and Ren-Faire links. Make sure to check out the Clan McEltushaert. And the new love of my life, Saloon Girl. Luckily for some of these people, they don't burn people at the stake for fashion crimes.

Home of Nerkberk

This page simply can't be described without the benefit of amphetamines, and since Nerkberk stole my supply, I'm at a loss for words (bet you thought that could never happen!). Take a strange journey through Nerkberk's home and you'll see what I'm talking about. I'm happy to say I've never come across another site like this. And it's not true that I dish out this award simply out of pity for someone going through life with the name Nerkberk (no matter what you hear).

Ozone Cow Productions

The creators of this page, Bob and Dave, write children's stories. I know what you're thinking, must be gay, right? Well, I don't know about that, but these stories are no stories that a self-respecting parent would ever let their kids read. They may be silly, but they're also very amusing. There's a lot more to the site than stories though. There's original songs, bad jokes and more. Bob and Dave are the children your parents are glad they didn't have (not that they're very fond of you either)...which is why you should check out their site.

Stephen's"The Rieck SUPERsite"

Stephen can describe his site better than I ever could, so here goes..."Original creative expressions are presented on a thougtfully organized, easy to navigate web site. I offer text articles, photos, sonic art and uniquely-posed ideas to consider.I am Canadian, schizophrenic, Zen Buddhist, a classically-trained musician and I'm building and maintaining The Rieck SUPERsite by myself." That saved me a write-up. Thanks Stephen! Who am I to deny someone with a mental illness a Psycho award??? It's a quality, well designed site, so check it out.

Pedro Xavier Site

I spent a long time reading Pedro's site without understanding anything. Then it dawned on me that it's because I don't speak Portuguese. Yes, my award has it's first foreign language recipient. It looks like a well done site...and it does have pictures of airplanes! From Portugal's mighty air force, no less. And pictures from the Lisbon zoo, Macau and Timor. Now if only we could break the language barrier, I could tell you more.


Judging by the title of Becky's site, I went there half expecting porn (I hear such sites exist on the net). *innocent look* I couldn't have been more wrong. I left with an admiration for Becky-she can be an inspiration for all of us. There's a lot of content here, including cartoon dolls, animations, globes, funny pics and lots more. I implore you to visit-if only to get you out of my hair for awhile. heh

Diablo's Flash

(Site no longer exists.)

Care to see some neat body art and tattoos? Here, let me take off my pants. Nope, no body art or tattoos, but I just thought I'd expose myself to you while I direct you Diablo's site where you can see his work and learn more about what's involved. It's pretty interesting, so go look.

Roxsan's "black tears of a tortured heart"

(Site no longer exists.)

Black tears? Oh my. You might want to see a doctor about those, Roxsan. I don't know how she sees through them well enough to write poetry, but she does, tortured heart and all. And she seems to have a knack for it. Drop in and read for yourself. And bring Roxsan a tissue, will ya?

Charliann's "NASCAR Nextel On-line"

You think I'm unstable? Not compared to NASCAR fans! Hey, I'm just as surprised as you that some of them figured out how to use "that thar innernet thingy". But they did, so they get the award just for that. Plus, they have a nice site dedicated to their beloved sport that contains a tribute to #3 (no, I'm not talking about a new bodily function), a season schedule, and NASCAR jokes.

Amanda's "TriviaClub's Official Website

Wow, a link from the site of a trivial mind to the site of a bunch of trivia minds. Amanda runs an mIRC channel welcoming a friendly meeting of the inquisitive minds and this site is their starting point. It sure sounds like fun to me, but then again, so does sitting on an ant hill. But that's just me. See for yourselves.

bjsalas.com~life as viewed by bobbi jo

BJ? No, it's not a new requirement to win my award, but I must say it wouldn't hurt your chances! Actually, BJ is the latest award recipient. Her site has news, religion, current events, humour, and ramblings from Bobbi Jo herself. The layout is clean and it's easy to navigate. So feel free to check it out.

Click here to see Kooky Kaptions. I bet you these will make milk squirt out of your nose..even if you haven't been drinking any.

We all know e-mail can be a pain. I have a solution if you just don't have the time. You've heard of prefabricated housing, but now there's RICK'S PREFABRICATED E-MAIL.

Click here and have me write your e-mail for you!

I've created a page on which to unleash crazy things that pop into my head. I call it Psycho Babbling. I plan to add to it over time as future madness strikes. So please click on the link below.

Psycho Babbling

I've come up with my very own get rich scheme. Doesn't everyone have one? Buying lottery tickets just isn't panning out. So please click on the link below.

Click here to see my plea to stupid people

I came up my own tv spoilers for unaired episodes (episodes that should have been). Click on the link to see something I like to call TV MISGUIDED

Regis and Kelly agreed to interview me, asking an assortment of questions pulled from those pesky e-mail surveys that you're probably familiar with.

Click here to see a transcript of my appearance on Live With Regis and Kelly

I'm a sports fan and I've created a page where I have some fun with the names of athletes, and poked fun at some athletes themselves. I don't think you have to even like sports to get enjoyment out of the results.

Click here to see me Goofing On Sports

I now have an AWARD of my very own to give away. (Duh, Rick, I'm viewing the winners page.) Apply today and maybe you can get a tingly feeling by winning. If not, go about getting tingly the old-fashioned way!

Take me there again. It couldn't possibly have been that stupid!

Fermez la porte, s'il te plait.Click on the door to learn more about me (Rick's Padded Cell)
Scatter-brained Thoughts
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View all current and past guestbook entries in one place (minus the broken links and images!) by clicking on the image directly above.

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The song you would be hearing if I didn't remove my midi files is "You May Be Right" by Billy Joel. May be right? Was there ever a doubt?