Bad Day Gone Good.
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Been A Son - Nirvana
I didn't sleep well last night and when my dad came to wake me up I shot straight up and couldn't open my eyes. Inside I was begging anything merciful in my father to let me stay home without my asking, but no. I went to church in my white skirt and pink cardigan and sat there. Shelly forgot to set her alarm clock so she didn't come, I was bored, dead and lonely.

I went to a show last night. Dad's boss cancelled on us, which worked in my favor because HECK YEAH I went to a show. I don't remember ANY of the band's names except GangaTron (spelling?). They were horrible and I couldn't listen to them. Oh god, they were so annoying. Anyways, I stood at the side of the stage directly beside the speaker and below the keyboardist of the last band. Something flew off the keyboardist's hand and hit the side of my face. I thought it was the guy behind me.

*yelling due to lack of hearing
Me: DUDE! DID YOU JUST HIT ME!?
Him: WHATT?!
Me: DID YOU HIT MY FACE?!
Him: NO!! SOMETHING CAME OFF THE DUDES HAND!
Me: SORRY!!
Him: NO! I'M SORRY!
He had a candy wrapper in his beard.

Another group of people were sitting a little outside the crowd and the guy looked over:

Again yelling
Dude 1: DUDE, LET'S GO BACK TO MY MOM'S HOUSE AND SMOKE A BOWL.
Dude 2: YEAH DUDE.
DUDE 3 & 4: *nods*

Haha, back to their mom's house. They had to be in their 20's. Anyways, the last band was rad but I had to leave and they only were finished with half of their first song. They didn't have their base drum and that sucked. We started chanting "Base drum! Base drum!" I don't know how they resolved it but when I left no one was letting them borrow their base drum. The little fluffers.

Two minutes before we left Wes and David showed up. I haven't seen Wes in forever so I gave him a big hug but my parents called me right then and I had to leave. I hate it when a lot happens at once... like, the overwhelming sensations of my phone in my pocket as well as saying "hi" to wes and david and then trying to get Shelly off of David so my parents do not get mad that we took forever.

Anyways, back to today.

I took my nap and I get a phone call, right? It's Kelsey, "Beth we're going to stop over, okay?" "okay." I get off the phone and start to SUPERCLEAN! I've never cleaned so fast in my life... I freakin' broke a sweat. So Kelsey and Halie brought their dog, Gus, and hung out for a while. We drank coffee and ate cookies and laughed and talked and laughed, laughed, laughed and talked. What else?

Ugh, I have to go help my parents take my sisters stuff over to the storage unit. I love how they always ask me to go places when I start to do the wash and I have NO CLOTHES to wear out. Oh well... so I'm wearing these really long, tight, worn out Levi's that I usually work in. Disgusting. Meh... that's what it is all about, right?

Back to school tomorrow. Oi.

Ich liebe dich.
BETH

I Regret Those Forgotten Memories.
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: MTV cribs
I just got home from a wedding. At 8 our family is going out with my dad's boss's family. Meh. I'm just tired, but this shouldn't be too horrible.

Tomorrow is the last day of vacation and I'm not too upset about going back to school. I guess it helps when there are hot guys involved... as I've said before.

The wedding was pretty and the couple was happy. That's good. Shelly and I went to the bathroom and came out while the bride and groom were taking the first dance so we were walking THROUGH it to get to our table. Quite embaressing.

My elbow just yelled at me.

Wearing heels for three hours really kills me.

So the woman across from Jen brought up something that I always thought was a touchy thing for people to bring up but I couldn't tell what she was saying at first. Then I found out and stopped staring at her mouth.

My neck. Hurts. Kills. Cracks. Nope.

Meh. Church tomorrow. New shoes! Woot woot! I hung out with Jen at the wedding.

Mom and dad have been gone all day except when Dad came to marry the bride and groom, they're gone again and then they'll come to pick me up and go out and then Mom will probably stay at home and Dad will leave. Ahh... so much for the last couple of days of vacation, right?

I saw HIM yesterday. The big HIM. The one I'm over and he even TRIED to talk to me but I walked away... very swiftly. I couldn't let him talk to me, I couldn't let him think he is back in my life because I've changed. Not only have I changed but he wouldn't be able to handle my change, he wouldn't be able to make me feel fine about who I am now. He'd rub it in and make me feel guilty about not putting my life on hold until he came home and now... Oh well... I didn't talk to him and I'm better off for it.

Ich liebe dich.
BETH

Ironic Sensations and Shoe Store Phenomenons.
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: Hollowman - Trapt
Mom cut and colored my hair today. It's short. It's clean, I'm happy.

We went shoe shopping. I bought a pair of strappy heels to go with my dress and a pair of 1940's heels to go with my skirt. We left at 1:30 and have now gotten back at 5:09. Yeah... I'm indecisive.

We left Payless and some woman was being arrested. Poor thing. If I ever get arrested (let's hope it is for something worthwhile, protesting or vandalism) I hope to be arrested in private. Well I guess it depends on the circumstance. This woman resisted arrest and was THROWN on her car... I probably wouldn't resist arrest since there is a man behind me with a night stick and I am the one in trouble. So I guess it would be like this...
Police officer: You're under arrest--
Me: Okay. *Puts wrists foward willingly*
Police officer: *blink* Good girl.

Heck yeah, because I mean, what is more embaressing than being resistant and then being shoved down on the ground with a knee on your neck? Hmm... I don't know... handing someone a CD with your bra hanging from your finger... yeah. That was pretty embaressing.

Anyways.

We're going to a wedding rehearsal tonight. I'm actually about to leave for that. I don't think my dad has married so many people in his life. But anyways, the people who are getting married are really nice.

I went upstairs to pour my dad's cough syrup and I spilled it all over but I guess no one will notice right? Except it was all over his lap top case.

Shhh...

Ich liebe dich.
BETH

Untitled And Left For Dead.
Now Playing: Stories - Trapt
Have I done anything today worth noting? Meh. That's a question of opinion I guess. Speaking of opinion...

Jen came over tonight, this was the first time we've seen her since she has come home from her honeymoon. She came and we went to look at her new house. It's gorgeous. It's 1920's style and in way better condition than our house before we remodeled. It's gorgeous and has a beautiful living room. Of course they'll fix it to their fancy. Anyways, on to the opinion part...

On the way home I had informed them that Terry Shiavo had passed away. Neither of them new and we were talking and I came to a conclusion. I believe that it was a very inhumane way of letting someone die. I have several points to state.
1) They gave her morphine which can imply two things.
a)she can feel pain or there is the possibility of her feeling pain. If that is so then do the doctors say this is a very peaceful way to pass?
b)morphine is a pain killer which implies that the method of which they are killing her is painful.
2) In videos someone was holding the balloon over her head and she was following it with not only her eyes but moving her head. Is that vegitative?
3) She smiles is more than one video shown on the news. People report this as a reflex. People who are brain dead, it vegitative states don't have reflexes that aren't provoked (ex. tapping a muscle to move a finger).
4) Was there EVER anything in writing about this being her wishes? Something seems odd about the fact that all I heard was the husband saying this was her wish after watching a movie about someone in a somewhat similar case. It was never in writing. If it was in writing then the media would have NEVER picked up on this case as being so controversial.
5) The parents were WILLING to take custody of her. They would TAKE her from him and TAKE CARE OF HER. Why was this not a possibility.
6) When the HECK did America become so ridiculous? First we kill babies, then we let children starve who aren't necessarily in the most perfect condition, now we're starving people who are "brain damaged" without a WRITTEN STATEMENT-what next? Honestly? How long will it take before we start to kill the disabled, the elderly, the handicapped...
I'm just disgusted. Honestly. Someone once said, "After abortion was passed it's been a slippery slope for America." Where are our morals? Our common sense? My God people, think it out. If she needs morphine then THE PROCESS WAS PAINFUL and SHE CAN FEEL PAIN. Two thing doctors said were not the case. BUT THINK IT THROUGH. A poll said 75% of American's said they agreed with Michael Shaivo in taking the feeding tube out. That percentage shows the AMOUNT OF PEOPLE IN AMERICA WHO DO NOT SIT DOWN AND THINK. I'm just so mad. I'm mad because I live in a country where there is SO MUCH FREEDOM that we can kill unborn babies, half born babies, people who can't speak up for themselves and LOOK AT US. Are we any better for it? No... I mean, God. Exactly... God... America used to be such a christian based nation. Controversial? Maybe, but ask your grandparents how America has changed from the 50's and they will most likely say the morals of Americans have dropped. Okay, well I can't write about this anymore--it just... God we're just... America will fall-just like the Romans. I'm looking forward to that.

Aren't you?
BETH

To The Moon, My Friend On A Lonely Night.
Mood:  lyrical
Now Playing: Why Worry - All American Rejects
I woke up today and read for three hours before I actually got out of bed. I love the book I'm reading. It isn't so much interesting as it is amazing. I'm reading Girl With A Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier. It's really fine, like everyone else has said.

I worked outside more today. I threw grass seed with dad while my mom watched. Shelly and David drove by and I stopped and said hi to them for a few minutes. We're putting in a gravel drive way now along with: front yard landscaping, garbage can den, gate on the fence and backyard landscaping. Oh well, I guess I need something else other than school to keep me busy for once, right? Maybe I won't be so stressed.

After I come inside from such a nice day I am so bored. I mean, what does the interior offer me? Nothing. Okay... everything... but the exterior offers me everything also.

Tonight we grilled steak. It was fun. Our picnic table is positioned so that you can see a tip of mountain over the corner of the fence and when the sun sets you can see the pretty sky. We ate out and laughed and laughed about everything. We talked about Lake Michigan, of lost love and home sickness.

I cleaned the kitchen afterwards. I really should pick up the living room and the foyer. I just don't have anything else to do. Isn't it sickening? Meh. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I know I did more today, though remembering it will take a while. My memory is shot.

Woo American Dreams is coming on at 8. Can't miss that!

My sister and her husband are back from their honeymoon and surprisingly enough they haven't come over. MAYBE THEY'RE NEVER GOING TO TALK TO US AGAIN! ...ugh... no... they probably will talk to us again... No, I love them. Don't misunderstand--but... I should really get the Sistership Award. I have to be one of the most non-controversial sisters EVER. With a cape. No cape? Wrist band! No... glittery platform shoes? That'll do.

Okay.
Ich liebe dich.
BETH

Faulty Accusations Breed Frustration.
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: #4 - Yellowcard
So weird.

I woke up at 11 something this morning and stumbled downstairs and watched the ending of VH1's Top 20 Countdown. It's habit forming, really.

I didn't do much today. To be honest, I did nothing but what pleased myself and is that not was spring break is for? I laid around. I dug up cement out of the front yard with my mom. We planned out the landscaping and then we sat in the warm, spring sun and read Pablo Neruda. <3 Mom and I gathered lemon grass to braid and hang and then we ate dinner and here I am.

Studying. I have forced myself to do what other normal teenagers do. I am studying for my learners permit. It is almost nerveracking all the little facts that might be on the test and yet how simple all the little facts are. But why do I need to drive? So I can take myself to school and work without nagging my parents? Parents need some nagging... it keeps them in good spirits.

I guess it is healthy to do this. I mean its like turning 13-your first year of being a teenager. Sweet 16-becoming a young lady. Learner's Permit-first step to independance. But doesn't it go downhill from there? Graduation, college, marriage, more college, more college, the doctorite, career, family, family, family. I don't know, maybe there will be some laughter in there. <3 After I think about it, I guess that it won't be so bad. Anyways, I'm putting off the studying by posting so I guess I should quit.

But what are the chances of that, right?

I'm watching Problem Child.

Daddy's taking me for a new pair of shoes tomorrow. <3 I'm thinking flat, I'm thinking white, I'm thinking anything that doesn't make loud noises when I try to inconspicuously walk to the front of the sanctuary during church.

It was so obnoxious in church on Sunday. I wore my white pumps and I did not know how loud they were on hard floors. In the middle of the service mom told me to get dad some more water so I had to walk up to the pulpit, get the glass, fill it and walk back. Stupid me. I think that walking on the side of the sanctuary will not make me as noticable... ha! There is no carpet on the side isles. My shoes turned into guns that shot me in the temple every time I set my foot down. Mom laughed, dad met me half way, I blushed.

Ha! This movie is rad. I haven't seen it in forever.

Ich liebe dich.
BETH

Wish me luck on the test tomorrow. I won't pass just out of spite. No, I'll pass. No I won't. Should I be positive and set myself up for failure or be honest and self-destructive?

<3

What Is This Crap On Television?
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: Gwen and Eve - If I Were A Rich Girl
Just... don't even ask... I'm in the VH1 mood this morning and this crap came on.

Is this supposed to be entertainment? Wow. Quality of entertainment has really gone down. Well, though I will watch this for maybe, fifteen minutes, those who watch it all day long will rot. Ha.

Woah, I haven't seen this FatboySlim video in a while. Doesn't this bring back memories? Stunning.

Okay, so I'm going into total seclusion this week until I get sick of it and call someone. I just get so "peopled-out" while I actually have to go to school that on break I just want to have it all to myself and do odd things that no one else would do. Like dance. Who dances? NO ONE. Ha. Just kidding.

Several things I want to do over break:
Buy material to start my garden.
Buy shrubbery for the front yard.
Go to the library.
Buy new white shoes.
Go to ShenLake and read.
Pass my learners test.
Clean the house.
Play in the rain.
Incomplete

Okay, here I go super quick:

Yesterday was the anniversary of Hannah's death. March 27, 2003-My best friend Hannah killed herself. There is no possible way I could forget her and her laughing, happy spirit. But to you, my Hannah, my beautiful girl, I know that you will never really die in my heart and the hearts of your family and the people you touched during your short life. <3 I'm so sorry.

Ich liebe dich.
BETH

Wow... What A Cute Clapper.
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Sister Act 2: Back in Habbit
Yeah, so I wasn't able to be the bunny in the easter egg hunt because it was raining. So that went down the tube very quickly.

I went downtown with Shelly to meet Kelsey and Halie at the coffee shop and Alex was there so it was halarious fun and we hung out for a long time and then Shelly and I left.

I went shopping tonight for my easter outfit (yeah, I know, I waited too long) and I bought the cutest stuff. A pink cardigan and a white pleat skirt, and a retro dress to go with my teal cardigan. It was wonderful to go shopping with my mom except everyone is sick so we're all about to pass out and yet we're so siked about shopping. I still feel a bit dead. Who cares, I'm going to bed in 8 minutes.

Ich liebe dich.
BETH

Happy Easter, Leave That Bunny Some Love.

All The Choices.
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Waltz of the White Lillies - Deanta
Jen just left and I was "helping" her take some boxes out to the car. In reality I was poking her and relocking the car while she held a rather large box.

I find that school is much more exciting when a)there are hot guys involved b)my face isn't having an allergic reaction to an antibiotic c)I'm not an anti-social maniac.

We'll start with A. What can I say... Heck yeah.

B) So I was fixing my face and it was definately working until I woke up and there was a huge WELT on my cheek. No, the welt was my cheek. The cream I put on had penecillin in it and I'm allergic to that. No one told me though so I have puffy, hot, swollen skin syndrome.

C) I do fine in school and then I come home and I sit in my room and write and write and write and write and write. I do not come out until supper and I have to stop in the hallway and coach myself out of my grumpy mood. So basically I'm a horrible person once I get off the bus. Fluffing bus.

Oh snap. There is no way that name just popped up out of nowhere after two years.

Oh well. For once I'll ignore it. Forever after this I'll be over it and I'm so happy. No more guilt from my past and what "could have been". Screw that. <3

I have to go do the dishes. Good times, right? Meh. That 70's Show is coming on soon so I should be feeling down right happy.

Ich liebe dich.
BETH

Dream A Little Dream of Me.
Mood:  chatty
Now Playing: Dream A Little Dream of Me - Louis Armstrong
Meh. I went to church today. It was extremely uneventful except for this guy. Shelly is tisking me for it and I would tell you why but see... I'm almost ashamed. Not because there is something wrong with him, no he's perfect... so perfect in fact that he... that is where I have to stop. <3

I slept for a long time this afternoon. I've been experiencing these killer headaches and I sleep and then they disappear for a while but now I have it again and I can't see half of this computer screen. Is there a physician in the building because I have visual disturbances with these headaches and I vomit several times. Isn't that lovely?

Tonight after everyone woke up we watched the Butcher's Wife which is a beautiful movie. It's a comedy AND a love story... I mean, what else could you ask for.

So I was taking aspirin and the second one was stuck in my throat and while I was choking my dad was ignoring me and then when I gagged he "shh"-ed me. While all this was happening the pill disintegrated in my mouth, which isn't pleasant.

So back to the movie. Something in the movie that ocurred several times was the theme of wind. And it made me think of last summer and how Shelly and I would be awake until 4 in the morning doing girly things (so stereotypical, leave me alone) and how we'd have my windows open. I didn't have air conditioning so my house would be on fire and we'd rely on the breeze from outside. Well, there was this really creepy guy that bothered us for a while and we would be so freaked out because while we sat in my room we were sure we could see him sitting in the tree outside my window. I can remember trying to nonchalantly close the shade and then I heard something and freaked out and ran into the bathroom and then got my daddy. I also remember the day after going downtown to take a nap in the sun infront of the library and seeing him and being... well... awkward, nervouse, scared out of my mind and then lying a lot to get out of actually speaking to him.

Well, the ending of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition is on. This is the best part. I have to go and cry. <3

Ich liebe dich.
BETH

Shoot, I have a spanish quiz tomorrow. Kill me.