Did They Tell You?


Did you know when rabbits die, they scream? They peirce the night air, screaming for God to finally take them. To sleep his hand over their head and take them.

We were all sitting there laughing, and he started to run around on one foot. I thought he saw a ghost so I laughed a little bit, and at the same time--three seperate but sychronized times, we realized he was leaving us.

All four little paws are paralyzed, the one things that's moving is his nose... and he's suffering to breathe. To scream.

Mom rocks him. In two soft, red towels. Dad cleaned his cage. Dad and I cry. Mom will later.

Who knew loves faded away?
BETH

Not Standing Any Longer.


This big tree has fallen, again. It can't be taped, nailed, glued or propped. It has fallen before, but it has always wanted to stand back up. Now it just lies there. And it's graying. Silvering?

I guess it's had its uses, and now it has some more. But I beg you to leave it where it lies. It could be used as a bench! A nice, sturdy bench.

---

Well basically I took the Chemistry SOL today and it was... hard. I hope to GOD I passed.

I work today at three.
And yesterday.
And tomorrow.
And sometime, another time.

There's a field trip. I don't want to go. Basically because I hate going places with big groups of people I know. Maybe I could go a million places with one person, or no where with fifty.

And they're moderately obnoxious.

His voice is really calming.

Erin Go Braugh
Mood:  bright
So basically I've realized that I haven't written for a while. But here's the deal... beth+license+Shelly+life=no more computer.

I've chosen to not be online. And heck yeah, I'm healthier for it.


So what's new? My neice is a couple months old now. I heard she's fat. That's pretty nice.

Bob Evans called me last night so I'll probably go in for an interview this week.

SOL's are coming up... so my life is being entangled with a million speckled vines screaming, "You won't graduate if you don't pass" as they squeeze my neck harder and harder. And harder.

But the only thing to ease my mind is the hot men in my life.

All my babies are graduating this year: Roddrick. Or friend, rather.

Man I really want this job. It would really be amazing.

My average in spanish is 101.someoddnumber -- how good am I?

Shelly and I went to Mexi night last night at the Little Grill and it was absolutly amazing. But basically it went like this, every time they came around to see if we wanted more food I had to describe the food rather than say the name because I had no idea what the name was.
Waitress: Would you like anything more?
Me: Yeah, that round thing with the potatoe stuff inside? And yeah, the little taco things that were kind of squishy and what else... oh the rice with the purplish sauce.

Gr. SOLs bite. Maybe if I just run away then I won't have to take them. Infact, I could really do that. I wouldn't get in trouble until I got home and my dad asked me why in the heck I stole his car to run away to Ohio.

Want to run away. To ohio. Where someone could put me up for a little while until I could get an apartment. I'd be happy. -- which reminds me of a Jenny Lewis song... and now it's stuck in my head again.

Mmm, Fresca.
I have nothing to write because I'm bored. Basically the schedule is screwed up so I have 4 - 2- 3-1. So I'm in Mr. Nipes room hanging out on his computer and listening to the "mumblings" of his ninth grade english class. But mumblings is the incorrect word... I'm thinking... I'm thinking... no they really aren't obnoxious actually. I enjoy ninth graders. They're refreshing as opposed the the same people I've been around since sixth grade.

I better take practice SOLs like crazy. And then slack off like crazy. Then stress out like crazy. And then run, run, run, run, run, run, run , run, run, run, run, run. That doesn't translate... I guess you'd have to be hearing Pink Floyd while you read that.

And anyways, nice to see you again--
Divinely yours,
BETH

Erin Go Braugh
Mood:  bright
So basically I've realized that I haven't written for a while. But here's the deal... beth+license+Shelly+life=no more computer.

I've chosen to not be online. And heck yeah, I'm healthier for it.


So what's new? My neice is a couple months old now. I heard she's fat. That's pretty nice.

Bob Evans called me last night so I'll probably go in for an interview this week.

SOL's are coming up... so my life is being entangled with a million speckled vines screaming, "You won't graduate if you don't pass" as they squeeze my neck harder and harder. And harder.

But the only thing to ease my mind is the hot men in my life.

All my babies are graduating this year: Roddrick. Or friend, rather.

Man I really want this job. It would really be amazing.

My average in spanish is 101.someoddnumber -- how good am I?

Shelly and I went to Mexi night last night at the Little Grill and it was absolutly amazing. But basically it went like this, every time they came around to see if we wanted more food I had to describe the food rather than say the name because I had no idea what the name was.
Waitress: Would you like anything more?
Me: Yeah, that round thing with the potatoe stuff inside? And yeah, the little taco things that were kind of squishy and what else... oh the rice with the purplish sauce.

Gr. SOLs bite. Maybe if I just run away then I won't have to take them. Infact, I could really do that. I wouldn't get in trouble until I got home and my dad asked me why in the heck I stole his car to run away to Ohio.

Want to run away. To ohio. Where someone could put me up for a little while until I could get an apartment. I'd be happy. -- which reminds me of a Jenny Lewis song... and now it's stuck in my head again.

Mmm, Fresca.
I have nothing to write because I'm bored. Basically the schedule is screwed up so I have 4 - 2- 3-1. So I'm in Mr. Nipes room hanging out on his computer and listening to the "mumblings" of his ninth grade english class. But mumblings is the incorrect word... I'm thinking... I'm thinking... no they really aren't obnoxious actually. I enjoy ninth graders. They're refreshing as opposed the the same people I've been around since sixth grade.

I better take practice SOLs like crazy. And then slack off like crazy. Then stress out like crazy. And then run, run, run, run, run, run, run , run, run, run, run, run. That doesn't translate... I guess you'd have to be hearing Pink Floyd while you read that.

And anyways, nice to see you again--
Divinely yours,
BETH

My Nose.
Mood:  a-ok


It's been a while.

Life's been good, though I can't seem to find a job. This is the third job I've applied to in the past three weeks. That's like a job a week. Anyways, my mom brought a Subway application to me today, so I'm taking that in tomorrow.

I went out with Dessa today. It was fun. We had Taco Bell and then went back to her house to eat it. Little Keyshaun was there and Ramone and Jessica. Yeah, it was fun.

Then she and I went to the mall and she got some clothes and I just tried some on. And we went to target and walmart--but my favorite part was when the joggers came by. I had just rolled down the window to joke with her about burping and I was like, "Oh lord, they're hot" and she put her head down laughing because she was going to be like, "HEY SEXY" out the window and when she sat up these guys looked in the car and were like "Hey girls!" and she said "OHHH SH*T". So it was funnier to see rather than to be told about.

Easter was good.
Yeah, right.
But the food was good, and my family was good, and my easter basket was good.

Yeah,
Divinely yours,
BETH

Oh, So Many God-Forsaken Hours.
Mood:  down


We've been traveling since yesterday. Six hours yesterday and six hours today to get to Indianapolis.

So... so... so... tired.

So here we are. This hotel is REALLY nice. Or atleast I think so. I'm used to hotels being straight forward... Lobby, hallway, room. But this place is DECORATED all interestingly... AND it has computers in the foyer, thus my posting.

So I meet my baby neice tomorrow. She was born Saturday, March 25th. I've seen pictures. She's a sweety, I can tell.

Tonight I get to hang out with my brother Joe. Tomorrow we go see Tom and the baby and tomorrow night I hang out with Courtney. After that we head up to Lake Michigan and down through Ashland and then home. Oh lord, home.

Not that I want to go back so badly.

I remembered something about Indianaplis while I was driving past the Mercedes and HUGE houses. I mean... there is NO single house in the entire COUNTY that I come from that is as expensive as these. And that's not what made me remember what I remembered. I remembered what I remembered when I saw all the aggressive, uptight business mess zip past our little Toyota. And I thought... oh yeah... We could've been this... could've lived like this... in these huge houses on these man-made lakes with these expensive cars. I could've been those girls that make me laugh. But I'm not and thank GOD for that.

Well anyways, as this is my life--I must go explore the hotel.

Oh yeah, I can't forget about the guy I met in Ohio last night. He was prettttyyyy darn hot.

Much love to you!

Divinely yours,
BETH

This Is It.
Mood:  hug me


I woke up this morning to Shelly opening my screen. "What are you doing?" She says, "I want to read on the roof." I blink groggily, "You idiot, close the window and put the gnomes back."

So she had been awake a few hours before that and I woke up once to her playing my jewelry box music... and then turning around and looking at me.

Another time was her doing her homework... and then turning around and looking at me.

So we went down for breakfast.

Mom says, "Shey, how do you like your eggs? Soft, hard or broken?" Shelly says, and I quote, "I like to poke it with my toast."

...What?

So anyways, we did a lot of nothing. We sat outside in the sun and then picked flowers. We read some Cambelle McGrath.

She tried to steal my Pablo Neruda.

So basically she just sucks at life.

Tomorrow= St. Patricks Day!

Divinely yours,
BETH

Confusing Time.
Mood:  cool


So basically it began with starting behind the wheel on friday, then it changed to tomorrow and then it changed to today. Then at the last minute 'today' was off, and randomly this afternoon 'tomorrow' was off--so we're back to friday. Which is good with me. Because I'm tired. And I want to have my history test out of the way.

Shelly is here tonight.

How did we start off the night? We ate orange serbet outside on the back porch. It was very cold and windy... so we came back in.

Then we listened to Red Hot Chili Peppers and talked... and talked...

And we went upstairs and she and I looked at her French book--it's a beautiful language.

Y que es ese?

We made brownies... but something went wrong. It looked like someone stabbed the bottom of each brownie with their fingers and the top was kind of spongey--but they were done.

So then we mapped out half of our eastern-tour. It's pretty interesting already. We're skipping the interstates and just traveling on state roads. Which will please me fine.

And after that we started to watch Heartlands but she fell asleep. So now we're upstairs and when I'm done with this, I'm done with tonight.

I wish I could remember more.

A couple more days until St. Patricks day. I was so excited this whole week that it's wearing off... but more than that I think I'm just exhausted.

We don't have school tomorrow which will suit me just fine, also.

Divinely yours,
BETH

I Can Do That.
Mood:  a-ok


This post title started out as "I Can't Do That" and then I wondered why everything has to be a negative.

And anyways,

I went camping this weekend with my parents. It was a lot of fun. I got sick saturday night and had to come home. I GOT TO MISS CHURCH THOUGH!

Well anyways, it was a great weekend.

They're in the kitchen... as always, as always.

Divinely yours,
BETH

Don't Read Too Far Into This.
Mood:  irritated


We all know I love life to the fullest and would take a new risk every minute if I could. We all know that I love everyone and wish the best. We all know, we all know that I love and hug and read and share.

But in this one moment, I'm really angry. Not as angry as much as I'm regretful. Which is even worse, because I vowed a while ago never to regret anything. But this regret doesn't have much to do with my own life, as it does with the lives of a boy and a girl that I know really well.

Man and woman.

So I want to see him tell her she's beautiful. I want to see him be genuinely in love with her. I don't want him to hurt her feelings anymore. Obviously he can't comprehend the damage he's doing. He can't comprehend he's breaking the heart of someone who's heart has been broken too much before. And I hate him for it. But at the same time I love him. But I wonder if I've told myself to love him, but I really hate him--honestly.

So that's basically all I can write on this topic because all of a sudden I got really upset about it and can't think very well.

Just say, 'I Love You' for crying out loud. Who do you think you are? GOD?!

Oh yeah, that's right... it just came to me... he DOES think he's God. Well, that's too bad. I hope I'm not the one to show him he isn't.

God. Just say it.

Or leave.

Leave.
LEAVE. Leave. leave.
evael.
evil.

Leave.
Go.
Shoo.
Salas! (Is that right?)

Let us breathe.

Divinely yours,
BETH