With the first gentle touch of Spirit, I experienced a kind of hesitation...
a pause... Here, finally, was Truth. And Truth, spoken heart-to-heart and
Light-to-Light, knew me... in a way no one else had or could... in a way in
which I didn't even know me. So, there was a breath of fear, escaping the
cave of my ego, brushing across my awareness... With whom could I ever share
this? What brief encounter with insanity would they see this as? From what
issues and depths did my own fear clutch at me? All I knew for certain was
that this was Truth, this was my Path, and I would follow it as persistently
and honestly as I could from that moment on.
Such hesitation, such resistance, has lingered on the edges of my Self, as I
traveled realms and dimensions, unlimited by thought or imagination. I am
accepted by sentient Life as I am - hesitation and all - patiently accepting
my companionship, much deeper than I accept myself. Such hesitation comes
from "hedging my bets", so to speak... careful to hold one card up my sleeve
one pocket of safety, even though all those I meet Inworld are well aware
of this. No one laughs, chastises, or tries to teach. They all know I know.
They all know I choose. They all accept me just the way I am, and do not
live in expectation. I'm the one with the issue. And I am dealing with it,
as well and as fast as I can.
I hold such resistance in my breath physically, in my passion emotionally,
and in my ego psychologically. And it has been so since the day I was born..
my resistance has left its footprints in my inner labyrinth. As I walk to
the center of my spiritual labyrinth - the core of my Uniquity, I pause to
examine the resistance enthroned there.
First, I hear the silent scream, frozen in time and place, by intolerable
pain. Then, I see liquid color-energy flowing and weaving a cocoon about
something/ someone. I pause to smell and taste the environment here...
definitely human, human fear, human fear-released energy and material. I
know the child within the cocoon: barely conscious, barely alive... naked,
vacant, disintegrated... and yet, her Light still faintly glows... stubborn,
stubborn girl... I walk through the non-consuming fire of the cocoon and
draw her into my arms. I wrap a soft, blue Light blanket about her and walk
back out the cocoon. The fire reframes itself into a small warming circle on
the ground. A small breeze transforms itself from the scream, and fills the
air with springtime freshness and new life. I draw up a rocking chair,
singing lullabyes to the child of my heart; first night's sleep in fifty
years. Tomorrow is soon enough to walk back out the Labyrinth.
Celtic Circle Crossing
23rd Psalm, revised
Whispers at Advent
Ley-ity: Deep Earth Wisdom
Changes in me: Early 2004
The Message of Oneness
Musings of a Welsh Shepherdess
The Judas Conspiracy: Curiosities
Revelations: revisionist thought
A Pause in the Breath of Creation
The King James Bible