Changes in me: Early 2004

For me, now, Journeys can occur every day, or once a week... sometimes - if there is a Call - it can be several Journeys in a day because of some event mirrored in different realms. I know if I am feeling disconnected or out-of-sorts that it helps for me to go to my Elfhome and just rest... or other resting Places established in different areas. I tend to Journey on my own if there is something puzzling me, something disconcerting or out-of-balance, or some insight that just popped into my awareness. Sometimes, I have to remind myself to quit pushing the river, or untie the boat from the pier (trying to let go while hanging desperately on causes migraines for me). Sometimes I need to go play in the rain, or take a bubblebath, or blow bubbles. Sometimes I need to read a good book curled up with my cat. Sometimes I need to go play at the arcade and let some tension out. I have learned to just get Still, and Listen... hear/feel the Current of Spirit... get my bearings... and then move. No matter what or where that movement manifests. I don't know if that helps, but it's a sharing. Two things I learned from this book I'm currently reading: when I'm STUCK... (1) I need to REMEMBER that I know the solution; I've just forgotten it, and (2) the TOOLS that I need to get unstuck are somewhere nearby in my environment. All I have to do is breathe slowly, and trust myself. (As if that were easy....) So much more besieges me now. And yet I know, tis only to "letting go". To let go and allow. Transitioning and Transforming. Transitioning and Being. Slowly, slowly, the Changes -- imperceptible, and yet from a distance even I can see the Changes in myself. And feel them as well. It is not for me to control, but trust. Spirit reminds me to remember the words, "It is as it is." It becomes daily more difficult to share, to even communicate, the Change, because that would require a comparison, some way of saying, "This, not that." But no, I am - as I change - losing even that capability. It is a Way of Being. It is not a "this" or "that". I have accumulated Keys to understanding, that quietly and slowly shift who I am into something more discernible - surely not changing who I am, but revealing to me more as I am ready, until I cannot - nay, choose not - to return to the Way I was. Often, the mundane work and social interactions with others in the Outworld keep me from releasing more quickly, not allowing for deeper revelation until there is a Time of Stillness on my part. Even so, I change. I feel different inside, as if finally all that I have experienced, all that has been revealed to me, is beginning to really change me, shift me - a metamorphosis of some sort. It is a good feeling. And most times, when I connect to myself, I feel a holistic sense of Higher Ground - not only as a Place, or Movement, but as a Presence of Who I am. Still, I get too serious, I think, afraid to have fun or engage in what is fun with my friends. Is it a moral issue? A deeper issue? My issue? Clarification and discernment come slowly, and come filtered in and by my own Humanness. I need to hold on to what I know, until the Bridge manifests. Then I need to let go and trust, and cross the Bridge.

Dimensions shift ....
quietly, imperceptibly:
a change in the Ocean's breathing
a sun-shadowing of Cirrus-touch
a quickening of Earthmother's pulse;
And so, within me
-- in the deep Stillness --
I feel Her take my hand:
"It's time to go."

A Holistic Tower of Babel