Other Jokes


Sick Old Man

An elderly man, woke one morning and was not feeling too well. He got himself up and walked over to his daughters house. He was hard of hearing and asked his daughter if she would escort him to the doctor. By the time he managed to see the doctor, he started to feel really under the weather. His daughter explained to the doctor that her father wasn't himself and was puzzled to what was wrong with him.

So the doctor checked him over. He checked his blood presure, heart, and lungs. Nothing was wrong. So the doctor asked the old man if he didn't mind giving a blood sample, stool sample, urine sample and semen sample.

The old guy turned to his daughter and said "What did the doctor say?" and the daughter replied "It's ok dad you just have to leave your underpants at the desk on the way out."

This joke was submitted by Buckley




Confused boy

One day a boy named tommy walked in to school. His teacher asked him,"Tommy do you know the first four letters of the alphabet?" Tommy replied" No." So the teacher said go home and come in tomorrow knowing the first four letters of the alphabet. So he said "Yes ma'am."

So he went home and his mom is on the telephone. Tommy asked "Mom what is the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom says "Shut Up!" So he said okay. Then he went to his little brother who was watching Batman. Tommy said, "Little brother what is the second letter of the alphabet?" And he says"Nua nua nua nua Batman!" So tommy says okay. Next Tommy goes to his big sister who was listening to music. He said,"Big sister what is the third letter of the alphabet?" And she said "Yeah, yeah, yeah." Tommy said "okay!" Finally he went to his father who was using the bathroom and was looking for toilet paper. Tommy said "Daddy, what is the forth letter of the alphabet?" His dad replied, "toilet paper,toilet paper,toilet paper." So Tommy said "Ok, now I know the first four letters of the alphabet."

The next morning Tommy walks into the classroom and the teacher says, "Tommy, do you know the first four letters of the alpabet?" Tommy replies "Shut Up!" Then the teacher says "Who do you think you are?" "Nua,nua,nua,nua Batman!" The teacher says "Do you want to go see the princepal's office?" Tommy replies,"Yeah, yeah,yeah".

Finally the teacher says"Are you looking for trouble?" Tommy says "No toilet paper, toilet paper, toilet paper!"

This joke was submitted by Britney S.




Rome Trip

Bob walked in to Joe's Barber Shop for his regular haircut.

Joe: "What's up?"

Bob: "I am taking a trip to Rome next month."

Joe: "ROME?! Why would you want to go there? It's a crowded dirty city full of Italians! You'd be crazy to go to Rome! So how ya getting there?"

Bob: "We're taking TWA."

Joe: "TWA?! They're a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they are always late! So where you staying in Rome?"

Bob: "We'll be at the downtown International Marriot."

Joe: "That DUMP?! That's the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is slow, and they are overpriced. So whatcha doing when you get there?"

Bob: "We're going to go see the Vatican and hope to see the Pope."

Joe: "HA! That's rich! You and a million other people trying to see him. He will look like the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this trip. You're going to need it!"

A month later, Bob comes in for his regular haircut.

Joe: "Well, how did that trip to Rome turn out? Betcha TWA gave you the worst flight of your life!"

Bob: "No, quite the opposite. Not only were we on time in one of their brand new planes, but it was full and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old flight attendant who waited on me hand and foot."

Joe: "Well, I bet the hotel was just like I described."

Bob: "No, quite the opposite. They had just finished a $25 million remodeling project. It's the finest hotel in Rome now. They were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the Presidential suite for no extra charge."

Joe: "Well, I KNOW you didn't get to see the Pope!"

Bob: "Actually, we were quite lucky. As we toured the Vatican, a Swiss guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into this private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, after 5 minutes the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand. I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me."

Joe: "Tell me, what did he say?"

Bob: "Oh, not much really, just where'd you get that awful haircut?"




Good Seat

John received a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at the stadium he realized the seat was in the the last row in the corner of the stadium. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field!

About halfway through the first quarter, Bob noticed an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50- yard line. He decided to take a chance and made his way through the the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat.

As he sat down, he asked the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man said "No." Very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob said to the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Superbowl and not use it?!"

The man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Superbowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

"That's really sad," said Bob, "but still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?"

"No," the man replied, "they're all at the funeral."




Trip to the zoo

A woman named Laura is at a local zoo and comes across a vending machine, which she has never seen before. She sees the slot for money, gets money out of her purse, puts $.65 into the machine, and pushes a letter and a number.

She is mezmorized by the coils turning just enough to let out the candy. So, she does this many more times. After a little while, a man comes up behind her and says,"Miss, could you please move? I would like to get some candy." She replies with,"Excuse me?! Can't you see I'm winning here?!?!"

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