For several years after my brothers death, it was very hard for me to deal with on my own. If I had continued on that path, I think it would have been very distructive for me. I felt an overwhelming sense to talk about him. What had happened and his life in general. But as I soon learned, there were only a select few that I could talk to. I sensed an uncomfortable feeling emerge from some when I would bring my brothers name into a conversation. All I wanted was just to remember him and to share those feelings with others. I didn't want his memory to be forgotten. I didn't want what had happened that fateful night to be swept under the rug like it didn't matter. I didn't want his kids to grow up not knowing who their father was and how much he meant to me. I wanted to shout from the highest mountain top that Victor was my brother and my love for him would only grow stronger after death. I wanted to tell anyone who would listen that my brother did matter. That his short life here on earth was special and had meaning and purpose.
I struggled for awhile with my feelings of not wanting to be heard. I thought there has to be a way for me to honor my brother. A way to talk about him and share his life with others, but not offend anyone in the process. That's when I discovered the world wide web. The power of it was almost too much for me to contain the feelings in my heart that had wanted to surface for so long. I eventually learned enough to get a website started and since that time, Treasured Thoughts has grown and changed it's look several times. The very beginning of Treasured Thoughts was in 1998. I did what I could with what I had learned and through the years as I learned more, changes were made. The background theme changed, the content really didn't change, but more content was added.
The name Treasured Thoughts came from feelings and emotions that I brought together myself. Treasured because all the love and memories for Victor were just that to me. And Thoughts because they were constant in my mind and heart.
The pink roses you will see throughout this site are a symbol of my love for Victor. A large basket of pink roses were purchased by me to be placed at Victor's grave site. Displayed, one basket of roses for each year since his passing.
My time on the world wide web has been very rewarding for me. Not only is it a place where I can share with others, it has also become a place for others to share with me. On May 31 2001, Victor's eleventh anniversary, I created the Memorial Wall. If I had learned anything at all during my time online, it was that I was not alone. I had come to realize that my loss was being reconized by others and that I was opening up to other peoples losses as well. Just knowing that I wasn't alone and that there were people willing to hear what I had to say was so comforting to me. This journey was the beginning of my healing process.
Good-Bye For Now
My brother is in heaven now
Beyond the clouds above
I had no time to say good-bye
To the one I love
His life was taken instantly
There was no time to prepare
The pain inside, I felt that day
Was something we all would share
When I have my quiet times
The tears begin to flow
I think of how much he means to me
And how I miss him so
I've locked him up inside my heart
And I've thrown away the key
So the memories of my brother
Will always be special to me
So good-bye for now my baby brother
Until we meet again
Some day I'll knock upon that gate
And I know you'll let me in.
Good-Bye For Now
Copyright © 1999