Monstervision Host Segments for

Back To The Future (1985)



"BACK TO THE FUTURE" Intro

Joe Bob Briggs here, and TNT thought you needed to see "Back to the Future" again, so guess what? We're going back to "Back to the Future"! The only thing better than this would be back-to-back "Back to the Futures"! All the sequels at once, back-to-back-to-back "Back to the Futures," plus the Disney World "Back to the Future" back-breaking thrill ride. Because you can't have TOO MUCH "Back to the Future," can you? And after that, because it's Motor Oil Night, we're showing a movie that I don't how THIS one got on again, the immortal Stephen King maniac truck movie, "Maximum Overdrive."

And speaking of history repeating itself, you know what really burns my bacon? It's when you're watching some show about doughboys in World War I--and by the way, while we're on the subject, how did we ever WIN the goldang war with guys who thought it was cool to be called a "doughboy"? Anyhow, as I was saying before I interrupted myself, it really TICKS ME OFF when I'm watching one of these shows on the History Channel and they show the marching doughboys, and they're walking at, like, 20 zillion miles an hour. Why are the guys who make these documentaries too dang LAZY to fix the film?

All right, I'm gonna say this and I'm only gonna say it once. Early silent films were filmed at the rate of 18 frames per second. Sometimes it was 16 or 17, sometimes it was even 19, because they used a hand crank on some of those cameras and the guy had to be rock steady. But whatever it was, it was NEVER EVER 24 frames per second, which is what we use now. When you take an 18-frame-per-second movie and you show it on a 24-frame-per-second projector, everybody looks like cartoon characters running around like constipated chickens. Do you wanna see this? I DON'T WANNA SEE THIS! In fact, they've done this so many times that there are people, like my friend Luke Willikers, who actually believe that the old silent movies were SHOWN that way in theaters. "You see, Joe Bob, they didn't have the technology that we have." And I point out to Luke that they had the technology to make a camera that FILMS at 18 frames per second, so they PROBABLY had the technology to make a projector that ran the film back at 18 frames per second. I don't think guys were sitting around the Edison laboratories in New Jersey going: "You know what we could do? This'll be funny. Let's shoot em at 18 and then play em back at 24, and every film will look like nervous people runnin around like crazy." I mean, the Keystone Kops run fast, but they NEVER ran as fast as they run on the film we show--AT THE WRONG SPEED!

A few years back a buddy of mine did a documentary on Teddy Roosevelt, and he took all the old black and white film of the Prez and he time-corrected it to make it run at the right speed. Voila! The man was elegant and gracious. He wasn't a little bundle of energy like zillions see him as. So my question is: Why aren't ALL these silent films time-corrected? There's only so much Benny Hill you can watch, you know what I mean?

And speaking of miracles in modern programming, we've got Christopher Lloyd and Michael J. Fox in "Back to the Future," the feel-good hit of 1985 about what would happen if you turned a DeLorean into a time-travel machine and went back 30 years and got involved in your parents' love life before they were married and before you were born. With Crispin Glover as the nerdy dad, in one of the best performances of his career, and I won't tell you much about it cause I don't wanna ruin it. But I WILL give you those drive-in totals. We have:

No dead bodies.
Exploding stereo system.
Extreme-sport skateboarding.
One wrecked auto.
One plutonium-powered DeLorean.
Three motor vehicle chases, with four crashes.
Manure-truck humor.
Four fistfights.
Gratuitous Libyan terrorists.
Gratuitous Valvoline references--by yours truly.
Lightning Fu.

About three and a half stars. Check it out, and we'll be hanging around here all night, and don't forget, our second feature, back by popular demand, "Maximum Overdrive"--finest movie ever made in Wilmington, North Carolina.

[fading] That's one movie I wouldn't mind speeding up a few frames. No, it's good. Actually, there IS one movie filmed in Wilmington that's better. King Kong Lives. But who can compete with giant monkeys having sex?


"BACK TO THE FUTURE" Commercial Break #1

Kind of a frantic movie here at the beginning, with Michael J. Fox skateboarding all over town, hitching rides on the backs of trucks. You know what's funny about that? In the original script for this movie, the time machine was in a REFRIGERATOR. You had to get in the refrigerator, close the door, and it would take you to the future or the past. But that was changed because they were afraid kids would lock themselves in refrigerators. But apparently they didn't care whether skateboarders grabbed onto the backs of cars going forty miles an hour. Anyhow, eagle-eyed observers will notice that the person who tells Michael J. Fox his music is "too darn loud"--is rocker Huey Lewis. Huey's song that he did for the movie got nominated for the Oscar. "Power of Love." Remember summer of 1985? We got REAL sick of that one, didn't we? Oh, wait a sec--I'm supposed to mention that it's Awesome Eighties Week. It's Motor Oil Night, but Motor Oil NIGHT is part of Awesome Eighties WEEK. That's logical, right? Okay, back to the flick. It's such a NICE flick. Actually, you think THIS flick is nice, wait'll you hear what we've got next week. Look Who's Talking Too. I know. Okay, roll it.

[fading] TNT thinks if they keep giving me these movies, my personality will change. It's kinda like being married. Woman says, "I love you, I wanna be with you, but can you just be DIFFERENT?" And you say, "But you LIKED that when we were dating." "No I didn't. I never liked that." "Yes you did, you liked me as I am." "I never liked you as you are, I liked you for your potential." You know that thing they say: "Men are dogs." I never understood that, because dogs are, like, friendly, warm, unselfish. But I figured out what they mean. They mean: they think they can TRAIN us. Right?


"BACK TO THE FUTURE" Commercial Break #2

The great Christopher Lloyd and Michael J. Fox, in the movie that kinda put both of em on the big-screen map. They both had successful TV series--Christopher Lloyd on "Taxi" and Michael J. Fox on "Family Ties"--but this movie started hugely successful film careers for em. And what's interesting about that is that Michael J. Fox is NOT the guy they started the movie with. They shot four WEEKS of film with Eric Stoltz in the starring role. And then Steven Spielberg decided his acting was too INTENSE for the flick, and so he fired him and threw all the film away. It cost four million bucks. And they started the movie over with Michael J. Fox, who would work on "Family Ties" till 5 o'clock, work on this movie from 6 to midnight, and then start all over again the next day. But I have a question about all these movies like Goonies and "Back to the Future" and "Poltergeist" that Steven Spielberg PRODUCED but didn't direct. How come he picked the little girl in "Poltergeist"? And how come he fired the actor from "Back to the Future"? What do these directors DO? The director of "Back to the Future" is Robert Zemeckis, who's made a bunch of monster hits, like Romancing the Stone and Who Framed Roger Rabbit and Forrest Gump, but wouldn't he be a LITTLE ticked off if he wrote the movie and he's directing the movie and Big Steve is saying "Fire this guy"? After all, HE didn't butt in when Steven was directing "1941," which Robert Zemeckis wrote. I'm just asking. Don't shoot me. I don't know any of these people. Okay, the DeLorean time machine works. Back to "Back to the Future." Roll it.

[fading] The only famous person I know is Robert DeNiro, and that's only because I was in a scene in a movie with him. I walked around for a week, "Can I get you a glass of water, Mr. DeNiro? Here, take MY chair. Would you like me to say my lines quieter so they can hear you, sir?" I don't wanna say he's an intimidating guy, but he makes me nervous. "Sorry, Bobby, I touched your sleeve. Let me get that speck off for you." What a weenie I turned into.


"BACK TO THE FUTURE" Commercial Break #3

This is where the movie really takes off, with Michael J. Fox back in 1955, thanks to the "flux capacitor." This is the same prop that John Lithgow had on his inter-dimensional rocketsled in Buckaroo Banzai, and it turned up later in the heart of a Borg ship in one of those Star Trek tv-series spinoffs. They weren't real accurate, though, because "Cattle Queen of Montana," the Ronald Reagan movie showing at the local theater, was actually released in 1954. I think Michael J. Fox is great in this movie. He got mixed reviews when it came out, but I think it was just critics being snobby about TV actors. They thought he was JUST A TV ACTOR. But he was fairly experienced. He was 24 years old, but he'd been working nine years since he started on Canadian TV back in his native Vancouver. Grew up at a bunch of military bases--dad was in the Army. But he'd also made three other movies at this point--Midnight Madness in 1980, "Class of 1984," which came out in '82 (I loved that movie), and the immortal Teen Wolf. Okay, let's get back to the funny little jokes about the difference between the fifties and eighties--everybody loves this part. Roll it. It's Awesome Eighties Week on TNT. And it's Motor Oil Night. Sponsored by Valvoline. What else am I supposed to mention? Oh, there's a TNT original movie on tomorrow night called "Pirates of Silicon Valley," with the guy from E.R. playing Steve Jobs, and the guy from "Sixteen Candles" playing Bill Gates. They said if I mention it tonight, the guys in the advertising department won't come break my thumbs.

[fading] You can put this in a time-travel movie a thousand times and people still love it. The scene where the guy asks for something that exists now but didn't exist then. Ha ha ha, that's so funny, he wants to know where the automatic cash machine is. Yeehaw.


"BACK TO THE FUTURE" Commercial Break #4

The Jerry Lewis joke is pretty funny. The Calvin Klein joke is hysterical. But they made another mistake. The guy in the diner says something about "Oh, then who's the first lady? Jane Wyman?" But Ronald Reagan divorced Jane Wyman in 1952. I know what you're thinking: "Oh, Joe Bob, you're taking all the FUN out of it." Hey, I think it's cute. I like it. Crispin Glover as Marty's dad. He's great. This started a whole big thing for Crispin Glover. Everyone remembers him for this movie. Of course, I remember him for Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter. "Oh, there you go again, Joe Bob, ruining everything." Okay, I'll shut up. Run the movie.

[fading] You know what I admire about Crispin Glover? In 1987 he published a book called "Rat Catching." It was actually a reprint of a hundred-year-old book, but Crispin decided it needed illustrations, so he put out this new edition with bright color pictures of mutilated rats. Then he recorded an album with lyrics by Charles Manson and a picture of Adolf Hitler on the cover. Crispin Glover, the LOVABLE DAD in "Back to the Future."


"BACK TO THE FUTURE" Commercial Break #5

That's another funny line. "Why don't you make like a tree and get outta here?" Okay, while Marty tries to deal with reverse-Oedipus problem of his mother having the hots for him, it's time for "Joe Bob's Advice to the Hopeless," and to help us out is the ever-popular TNT Mail Girl. [enters] Rusty, did you notice how I just referred to the greatest work of Greek theater, "Oedipus Rex"?

MAIL GIRL: No I didn't.

What, have they got you in a soundproof booth back there?

MAIL GIRL: No, I just wasn't paying attention.

Can't you say you were busy delivering the neighbors' mail or something? Do you have to tell me you weren't payin attention?

MAIL GIRL: It's the truth.

Yes, I KNOW it's the truth. I was just looking for something a little more diplomatic.

MAIL GIRL: You mean you want me to lie.

Yes.

MAIL GIRL: Well, I WOULD'VE heard you mention Oedipus Rex, but I got a run in my stocking, and David was helping me fix it.

How bout a lie that doesn't give MY PRODUCER such an advantage?

MAIL GIRL: It's not a lie, it's the truth.

Never mind. You got a letter for me?

MAIL GIRL: I have an e-mail from Diane Rogers in Morongo Valley, California.

"Dear Jo Bob, I truly do enjoy you. You never fail to bring a great deal of humor to what are most of the time some really bad movies. Such as the Howling VII."

I can't believe she thinks "The Howling VII" is a really bad movie. Diane, "The Howling VII" isn't a really bad movie. It's the WORST movie we've ever shown here. Therefore one of my FAVORITE movies we've ever shown here. And what about Howling 3? How can you not like vampire kangaroos with fangs?

"You stated that you didn't know where Pioneertown was...Well its about 35 miles northeast of Palm Springs, Ca. in the higher elevations of the desert.

"Living in Morongo Valley and doing alot of riding in the hills of Pioneertown needless to say I sat in disbeleaf as I watched an entire cast of people that I thought I new perform. I was there when they were looking for extras and was asked if I wanted to be in it but they wouldn't write in a part for my mule. I thought I would have been a great seen if the red eyes of the camera would have chased my butt through town and into the bar." (She didn't use the word "butt," but you get the idea.) "If you're ever in the area let me know and you to can see that it really is true about what they say about us desert dwellers...We may be a bit strange but we are a lot of fun. Keep up the good work.

"Oh, by the way, the lady playing the spoons is Aunt Bee. Don't know who's aunt she is but she realy does play them up there every weekend. "Sincerely,
"Diane Rogers."

Diane, you're telling me that the release of "The Howling VII" did NOT send the residents of Pioneertown fleeing into the surrounding hills? Just PLEASE don't tell me they're still line-dancing. [to Rusty] What'd YOU think of The Howling 7?

MAIL GIRL: Um, it was...good.

You can tell the truth now.

MAIL GIRL: Oh. I didn't see it.

Finest country-western werewolf sequel ever made. In the greater Barstow area.


"BACK TO THE FUTURE" Commercial Break #6

That's Lea Thompson as the mom with the hots for her own son, in the role that SHE is best remembered for. Everybody in this movie kinda made their mark with this film. Lea was a professional ballet dancer who turned to acting and didn't have real great luck with her roles. Great actress, but she made "Jaws 3-D." Then she got kinda famous in this movie. Then she made "Howard the Duck." She was in "Dennis the Menace." Just kinda snakebit. Always working, though. Got that TV series. What's the name of that thing? "Caroline in the City." Okay, I don't wanna interrupt the movie anymore. Let's roll.

[fading] You know, I went to "Howard the Duck," and I can't remember a single thing about it. They had the duck with the midget inside. I think it was the same midget who was inside E.T. Think how she must have felt. I mean, it's not like you get that many chances. How many movies come along where they want a three-foot actor to run around in an animal suit? She was banking on "Howard the Duck TWO."


"BACK TO THE FUTURE" Commercial Break #7

The famous Johnny B. Goode scene from "Back to the Future," in which Michael J. Fox actually invents rock and roll before our eyes. That scene is where the movie goes a LITTLE off target, I think. I mean, why do that? Anyhow, it was a white guy all along. The movie got criticized for that. They said it was racist to imply that Chuck Berry was inspired by a white guy. You just wanna say to some of these film critics, "Get a life." You know? Find something to do with your TIME. The only thing I think is strange about the scene is that they have an all-black band playing for the prom at an all-white school in 1955. Did they do that in 1955? I thought they had those crooner groups--guys in plaid jackets and penny loafers that harmonize. I thought that was the whole reason Jerry Lee Lewis and Elvis got famous, cause they took black music and took it into places that only allowed white people. But there I go again--RUINING THE MOVIE. Okay, now, the great conclusion to "Back to the Future."

[fading] I really do like Zemeckis and Gale, the screenwriting team that wrote this. USC Film School guys. They wrote this. They wrote Used Cars. They wrote "I Wanna Hold Your Hand." They wrote "1941." Well--they wrote "Used Cars." Let's not dwell on it.


"BACK TO THE FUTURE" Outro

You know who else's career got a big boost out of that movie? Huey Lewis. "The Power of Love" and "Back in Time"--those songs were on the radio for EVER. Anyhow, there were two sequels, one in 1989, one in 1990, and I didn't see em. Anybody see em? Why aren't we showing ALL THREE tonight? Remember when we did that with the Poltergeist movies? Man alive. There are still people in intensive care units as a result of that.

Host segments continue with Maximum Overdrive

All three Back To The Future movies are available on vhs video and on DVD
There was even a Russian version with Ivan the Terrible! Could I make that up?
Inventor Shurik has constructed a time machine in his humdrum Moscow apartment. Accidentally the contraption sends the inventor, the apartment house manager, and a thief to the palace of Ivan the Terrible, while the notorious monarch switches places with them in time. Hilarious complications ensue in this giddy mixture of science fiction and comedy.
Previous showings (2007) of Back to the Future:
Thu  Sep 13  11:30A on Cinemax

Back to the Future 2 (1989, set in year 2015)
Mon  Sep 17  11:05A on Cinemax

Back to the Future 3 (back in time to the old West, only a steam locomotive for power)
Wed  Sep 26  05:00P on Cinemax

Addams Family Values (Lloyd as Uncle Fester)
Fri  Sep 14  01:30P on Bravo
Sat  Sep 15  10:00A on Bravo

The American President (Michael Douglas as President, Fox as assistant)
Sat  May 12  09:45A & 6:15P on Showtime Women
Sat  May 19  12:05P on Showtime
Sat  Jun  2  11:05A & 9:30P on Showtime #2
Wed  July 4  08:30A & 7:30P on The Movie Channel
Sat  Aug  4  09:40A & 8:40P on Showtime Family Zone
Sat  Aug 11  10:00A & 8:00P on Flix Movie Channel


Angels in the Outfield (1994, baseball team is aided by angels in this remake of the 1951 film) 
Tue  Sep  4  02:30P on Encore
Sun  Sep  9  09:00A, 4:15P & 11:20P on Starz Kids and Family
Thu  Sep 13  10:50A & 6:00P on Starz Kids and Family
Fri  Sep 14  06:15P on Encore
Sat  Sep 22  11:00A & 6:00P on Starz Kids and Family

Adv. of Buckaroo Banzai (Peter Weller, John Lithgow, Ellen Barkin, Jeff Goldblum, Christopher Lloyd)
Sat  Feb 17  09:00P on Ion (formerly Pax)

Camp Nowhere (1994, kids invent a fake summer camp & hire Lloyd to run it)
Thu  Jun 14  07:15A on Starz Comedy
Mon  Aug  6  09:40A, 4:20P & 11:00P on Starz Kids and Family
Fri  Sep 21  06:50A on Starz

Doc Hollywood (1991, Fox crashes in small town rushing to city & has to stay awhile. Remade as Cars)
Fri  Aug 10  07:30A on HBO Comedy

The Frighteners (1996, Michael J Fox, John Astin)
Sat  Aug 11  05:00P on SciFi Channel

My Favorite Martian (1999 starring Lloyd, chased by man in black Ray Walston)
Wed  Sep 12  01:20P & 4:50A on Starz Comedy
Thu  Sep 13  07:45P on Wam!
Sun  Sep 16  10:00A & 6:20P on Starz Comedy
Tue  Sep 18  10:00A on Wam!
Thu  Sep 20  09:20A on Starz Comedy
Sun  Sep 23  07:45P on Wam!
Sun  Sep 23  08:45P on Movie Plex

Who Framed Roger Rabbit (Lloyd as Judge Doom, who wants to control the future Los Angeles)
Sun  Mar  4  01:30P on The Movie Channel
Wed  Jun  6  01:50P on Showtime Beyond
Thu  Sep 13  10:00A on Wam!
Fri  Sep 21  04:20P on Mystery
Fri  Sep 21  05:20P on Movie Plex
Sat  Sep 22  08:35A on Encore
Sun  Sep 23  06:00P on Wam!
Sun  Sep 23  07:00P on Movie Plex

Spin City episode "Back to the Future IV-Judgment Day" (starring Michael J. Fox)
Mike's old mentor (Christopher Lloyd) takes a job with the Mayor
Mon  Jul 30  09:30A on FX Network

Star Trek III: The Search for Spock (Lloyd as the nasty Klingon leader)
Wed  May 30  05:15A on More Max

Stuart Little (1999, voice of Michael J Fox, with Geena Davis, Hugh Laurie, Jonathan Lipnicki,
 Julia Sweeney, Nathan Lane, Jennifer Tilly, Bruno Kirby, Estelle Getty, Dabney Coleman.
A human family adopts a charming mouse, to the chagrin of their son and cat. 
Wed  Aug  1  06:00P on Cartoon Network
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By the way, other movies on the Comedy movies page include: Camp Nowhere
(1994) A group of kids invent a fictional summer camp, trick their parents into sending them to it, and hire a wierd guy (Christopher Lloyd) to run it, but he starts taking the job seriously. Jonathan Jackson, Wendy Makkena

For Love Or Money
(1993) Michael J. Fox stars as a hotel concierge, torn between building his own dream hotel and winning his dream girl (Gabrielle Anwar). Anthony Higgins, Michael Tucker

Teen Wolf (1985)
Michael J. Fox made two movies in 1985, the wildy successful Back To The Future, and this one. He plays an ordinary high school kid who finds out he starts turning into a werewolf on his 18th birthday.
Susan Ursitti, Jerry Levine, Dad: James Hampton

Teen Wolf Too (the sequel with Jason Bateman instead of Michael J. Fox)

Google

(click to play Back To The Future movie ad)

Back To The Future 2

(click center to play movie trailer)

Back To The Future 3

(click center to play movie trailer)

Back To The Future 2 movie trailer

Back To The Future 3 movie trailer

Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

Back to Monstervision

Click here to hear "Power Of Love" again (midi)
Or here for Back To The Future themesong
Or here for Back In The USSR
Or here to hear Buckaroo Banzai, the movie that started it all
Or would you rather do the Timewarp Again - it's just a step to the right with a Sweettransvestite

calculationAttention geeks! If you absolutely insist on knowing how all that timey-wimey stuff works, here's your physics lesson for today:
www.glue.umd.edu/~jacobson/spacetimeprimer.pdf. And don't blink (Who?)


Host segment transcript for 6/19/99 broadcast 1999 Turner Network Television. A Time Warner Company. All Rights Reserved. POS