Joe Bob Briggs here, and TNT thought you needed to see
"Back to the Future" again, so guess what? We're going back to "Back to
the Future"! The only thing better than this would be back-to-back "Back
to the Futures"! All the sequels at once, back-to-back-to-back "Back to
the Futures," plus the Disney World "Back to the Future" back-breaking
thrill ride. Because you can't have TOO MUCH "Back to the Future," can
you? And after that, because it's Motor Oil Night, we're showing a movie
that I don't how THIS one got on again, the immortal Stephen King maniac
truck movie, "Maximum Overdrive."
And speaking of history repeating
itself, you know what really burns my bacon? It's when you're watching
some show about doughboys in World War I--and by the way, while we're on
the subject, how did we ever WIN the goldang war with guys who thought it
was cool to be called a "doughboy"? Anyhow, as I was saying before I
interrupted myself, it really TICKS ME OFF when I'm watching one of these
shows on the History Channel and they show the marching doughboys, and
they're walking at, like, 20 zillion miles an hour. Why are the guys who
make these documentaries too dang LAZY to fix the film?
I'm gonna say this and I'm only gonna say it once. Early silent films were
filmed at the rate of 18 frames per second. Sometimes it was 16 or 17,
sometimes it was even 19, because they used a hand crank on some of those
cameras and the guy had to be rock steady. But whatever it was, it was
NEVER EVER 24 frames per second, which is what we use now. When you take
an 18-frame-per-second movie and you show it on a 24-frame-per-second
projector, everybody looks like cartoon characters running around like
constipated chickens. Do you wanna see this? I DON'T WANNA SEE THIS! In
fact, they've done this so many times that there are people, like my
friend Luke Willikers, who actually believe that the old silent movies
were SHOWN that way in theaters. "You see, Joe Bob, they didn't have the
technology that we have." And I point out to Luke that they had the
technology to make a camera that FILMS at 18 frames per second, so they
PROBABLY had the technology to make a projector that ran the film back at
18 frames per second. I don't think guys were sitting around the Edison
laboratories in New Jersey going: "You know what we could do? This'll be
funny. Let's shoot em at 18 and then play em back at 24, and every film
will look like nervous people runnin around like crazy." I mean, the
Keystone Kops run fast, but they NEVER ran as fast as they run on the film
we show--AT THE WRONG SPEED!
A few years back a buddy of mine did a
documentary on Teddy Roosevelt, and he took all the old black and white
film of the Prez and he time-corrected it to make it run at the right
speed. Voila! The man was elegant and gracious. He wasn't a little bundle
of energy like zillions see him as. So my question is: Why aren't ALL
these silent films time-corrected? There's only so much Benny Hill you
can watch, you know what I mean?
And speaking of miracles in modern
programming, we've got Christopher Lloyd and Michael J. Fox in "Back to
the Future," the feel-good hit of 1985 about what would happen if you
turned a DeLorean into a time-travel machine and went back 30 years and
got involved in your parents' love life before they were married and
before you were born. With Crispin Glover as the nerdy dad, in one of the
best performances of his career, and I won't tell you much about it cause
I don't wanna ruin it. But I WILL give you those drive-in totals. We
No dead bodies. Exploding stereo system.
Extreme-sport skateboarding. One wrecked auto. One
plutonium-powered DeLorean. Three motor vehicle chases, with four
crashes. Manure-truck humor. Four fistfights. Gratuitous
Libyan terrorists. Gratuitous Valvoline references--by yours truly.
About three and a half stars. Check it out, and
we'll be hanging around here all night, and don't forget, our second
feature, back by popular demand, "Maximum Overdrive"--finest movie ever
made in Wilmington, North Carolina.
[fading] That's one movie I
wouldn't mind speeding up a few frames. No, it's good. Actually, there IS
one movie filmed in Wilmington that's better. King Kong Lives. But who
can compete with giant monkeys having sex?
"BACK TO THE FUTURE" Commercial Break #1
Kind of a frantic
movie here at the beginning, with Michael J. Fox skateboarding all over
town, hitching rides on the backs of trucks. You know what's funny about
that? In the original script for this movie, the time machine was in a
REFRIGERATOR. You had to get in the refrigerator, close the door, and it
would take you to the future or the past. But that was changed because
they were afraid kids would lock themselves in refrigerators. But
apparently they didn't care whether skateboarders grabbed onto the backs
of cars going forty miles an hour. Anyhow, eagle-eyed observers will
notice that the person who tells Michael J. Fox his music is "too darn
loud"--is rocker Huey Lewis. Huey's song that he did for the movie got
nominated for the Oscar. "Power of Love." Remember summer of 1985? We got
REAL sick of that one, didn't we? Oh, wait a sec--I'm supposed to mention
that it's Awesome Eighties Week. It's Motor Oil Night, but Motor Oil NIGHT
is part of Awesome Eighties WEEK. That's logical, right? Okay, back to the
flick. It's such a NICE flick. Actually, you think THIS flick is nice,
wait'll you hear what we've got next week. Look Who's Talking Too. I know. Okay, roll it.
[fading] TNT thinks if they keep giving me
these movies, my personality will change. It's kinda like being married.
Woman says, "I love you, I wanna be with you, but can you just be
DIFFERENT?" And you say, "But you LIKED that when we were dating." "No I
didn't. I never liked that." "Yes you did, you liked me as I am." "I never
liked you as you are, I liked you for your potential." You know that thing
they say: "Men are dogs." I never understood that, because dogs are, like,
friendly, warm, unselfish. But I figured out what they mean. They mean:
they think they can TRAIN us. Right?
"BACK TO THE FUTURE" Commercial Break #2
Christopher Lloyd and Michael J. Fox, in the movie that kinda put both of
em on the big-screen map. They both had successful TV series--Christopher
Lloyd on "Taxi" and Michael J. Fox on "Family Ties"--but this movie
started hugely successful film careers for em. And what's interesting
about that is that Michael J. Fox is NOT the guy they started the movie
with. They shot four WEEKS of film with Eric Stoltz in the starring role.
And then Steven Spielberg decided his acting was too INTENSE for the
flick, and so he fired him and threw all the film away. It cost four
million bucks. And they started the movie over with Michael J. Fox, who
would work on "Family Ties" till 5 o'clock, work on this movie from 6 to
midnight, and then start all over again the next day. But I have a
question about all these movies like Goonies and "Back to the Future"
and "Poltergeist" that Steven Spielberg PRODUCED but didn't direct. How
come he picked the little girl in "Poltergeist"? And how come he fired the
actor from "Back to the Future"? What do these directors DO? The director
of "Back to the Future" is Robert Zemeckis, who's made a bunch of monster
hits, like Romancing the Stone and Who Framed Roger Rabbit and Forrest Gump, but wouldn't he be a LITTLE ticked off if he wrote the
movie and he's directing the movie and Big Steve is saying "Fire this
guy"? After all, HE didn't butt in when Steven was directing "1941," which
Robert Zemeckis wrote. I'm just asking. Don't shoot me. I don't know any
of these people. Okay, the DeLorean time machine works. Back to "Back to
the Future." Roll it.
[fading] The only famous person I know is
Robert DeNiro, and that's only because I was in a scene in a movie with
him. I walked around for a week, "Can I get you a glass of water, Mr.
DeNiro? Here, take MY chair. Would you like me to say my lines quieter so
they can hear you, sir?" I don't wanna say he's an intimidating guy, but
he makes me nervous. "Sorry, Bobby, I touched your sleeve. Let me get that
speck off for you." What a weenie I turned into.
"BACK TO THE FUTURE" Commercial Break #3
This is where the
movie really takes off, with Michael J. Fox back in 1955, thanks to the
"flux capacitor." This is the same prop that John Lithgow had on his inter-dimensional rocketsled in Buckaroo Banzai, and it turned up later in the heart of a Borg ship in one of those Star Trek tv-series spinoffs. They weren't real accurate, though, because "Cattle
Queen of Montana," the Ronald Reagan movie showing at the local theater,
was actually released in 1954. I think Michael J. Fox is great in this
movie. He got mixed reviews when it came out, but I think it was just
critics being snobby about TV actors. They thought he was JUST A TV ACTOR.
But he was fairly experienced. He was 24 years old, but he'd been working
nine years since he started on Canadian TV back in his native Vancouver.
Grew up at a bunch of military bases--dad was in the Army. But he'd also
made three other movies at this point--Midnight Madness in 1980, "Class
of 1984," which came out in '82 (I loved that movie), and the immortal
Teen Wolf. Okay, let's get back to the funny little jokes about the
difference between the fifties and eighties--everybody loves this part.
Roll it. It's Awesome Eighties Week on TNT. And it's Motor Oil Night.
Sponsored by Valvoline. What else am I supposed to mention? Oh, there's a
TNT original movie on tomorrow night called "Pirates of Silicon Valley,"
with the guy from E.R. playing Steve Jobs, and the guy from "Sixteen
Candles" playing Bill Gates. They said if I mention it tonight, the guys
in the advertising department won't come break my thumbs.
You can put this in a time-travel movie a thousand times and people still
love it. The scene where the guy asks for something that exists now but
didn't exist then. Ha ha ha, that's so funny, he wants to know where the
automatic cash machine is. Yeehaw.
"BACK TO THE FUTURE" Commercial Break #4
The Jerry Lewis
joke is pretty funny. The Calvin Klein joke is hysterical. But they made
another mistake. The guy in the diner says something about "Oh, then who's
the first lady? Jane Wyman?" But Ronald Reagan divorced Jane Wyman in
1952. I know what you're thinking: "Oh, Joe Bob, you're taking all the FUN
out of it." Hey, I think it's cute. I like it. Crispin Glover as Marty's
dad. He's great. This started a whole big thing for Crispin Glover.
Everyone remembers him for this movie. Of course, I remember him for
Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter. "Oh, there you go again, Joe Bob,
ruining everything." Okay, I'll shut up. Run the movie.
You know what I admire about Crispin Glover? In 1987 he published a book
called "Rat Catching." It was actually a reprint of a hundred-year-old
book, but Crispin decided it needed illustrations, so he put out this new
edition with bright color pictures of mutilated rats. Then he recorded an
album with lyrics by Charles Manson and a picture of Adolf Hitler on the
cover. Crispin Glover, the LOVABLE DAD in "Back to the Future."
"BACK TO THE FUTURE" Commercial Break #5
funny line. "Why don't you make like a tree and get outta here?" Okay,
while Marty tries to deal with reverse-Oedipus problem of his mother
having the hots for him, it's time for "Joe Bob's Advice to the Hopeless,"
and to help us out is the ever-popular TNT Mail Girl. [enters] Rusty, did
you notice how I just referred to the greatest work of Greek theater,
MAIL GIRL: No I didn't.
What, have they got
you in a soundproof booth back there?
MAIL GIRL: No, I just wasn't
Can't you say you were busy delivering the
neighbors' mail or something? Do you have to tell me you weren't payin
MAIL GIRL: It's the truth.
Yes, I KNOW it's the
truth. I was just looking for something a little more
MAIL GIRL: You mean you want me to
MAIL GIRL: Well, I WOULD'VE heard you mention
Oedipus Rex, but I got a run in my stocking, and David was helping me fix
How bout a lie that doesn't give MY PRODUCER such an
MAIL GIRL: It's not a lie, it's the truth.
mind. You got a letter for me?
MAIL GIRL: I have an e-mail from
Diane Rogers in Morongo Valley, California.
"Dear Jo Bob, I truly
do enjoy you. You never fail to bring a great deal of humor to what are
most of the time some really bad movies. Such as the Howling VII."
can't believe she thinks "The Howling VII" is a really bad movie. Diane,
"The Howling VII" isn't a really bad movie. It's the WORST movie we've
ever shown here. Therefore one of my FAVORITE movies we've ever shown
here. And what about Howling 3? How can you not like vampire kangaroos with fangs?
"You stated that you didn't know where Pioneertown was...Well
its about 35 miles northeast of Palm Springs, Ca. in the higher elevations
of the desert.
"Living in Morongo Valley and doing alot of riding
in the hills of Pioneertown needless to say I sat in disbeleaf as I
watched an entire cast of people that I thought I new perform. I was there
when they were looking for extras and was asked if I wanted to be in it
but they wouldn't write in a part for my mule. I thought I would have been
a great seen if the red eyes of the camera would have chased my butt
through town and into the bar." (She didn't use the word "butt," but you
get the idea.) "If you're ever in the area let me know and you to can see
that it really is true about what they say about us desert dwellers...We may
be a bit strange but we are a lot of fun. Keep up the good work.
by the way, the lady playing the spoons is Aunt Bee. Don't know who's aunt
she is but she realy does play them up there every weekend.
"Sincerely, "Diane Rogers."
Diane, you're telling me that the
release of "The Howling VII" did NOT send the residents of Pioneertown
fleeing into the surrounding hills? Just PLEASE don't tell me they're
still line-dancing. [to Rusty] What'd YOU think of The Howling 7?
MAIL GIRL: Um, it was...good.
You can tell the
MAIL GIRL: Oh. I didn't see it.
country-western werewolf sequel ever made. In the greater Barstow
"BACK TO THE FUTURE" Commercial Break #6
That's Lea Thompson
as the mom with the hots for her own son, in the role that SHE is best
remembered for. Everybody in this movie kinda made their mark with this
film. Lea was a professional ballet dancer who turned to acting and didn't
have real great luck with her roles. Great actress, but she made "Jaws
3-D." Then she got kinda famous in this movie. Then she made "Howard the
Duck." She was in "Dennis the Menace." Just kinda snakebit. Always
working, though. Got that TV series. What's the name of that thing?
"Caroline in the City." Okay, I don't wanna interrupt the movie anymore.
[fading] You know, I went to "Howard the Duck," and I
can't remember a single thing about it. They had the duck with the midget
inside. I think it was the same midget who was inside E.T. Think how she
must have felt. I mean, it's not like you get that many chances. How many
movies come along where they want a three-foot actor to run around in an
animal suit? She was banking on "Howard the Duck TWO."
"BACK TO THE FUTURE" Commercial Break #7
The famous Johnny
B. Goode scene from "Back to the Future," in which Michael J. Fox
actually invents rock and roll before our eyes. That scene is where the
movie goes a LITTLE off target, I think. I mean, why do that? Anyhow, it
was a white guy all along. The movie got criticized for that. They said it
was racist to imply that Chuck Berry was inspired by a white guy. You just
wanna say to some of these film critics, "Get a life." You know? Find
something to do with your TIME. The only thing I think is strange about
the scene is that they have an all-black band playing for the prom at an
all-white school in 1955. Did they do that in 1955? I thought they had
those crooner groups--guys in plaid jackets and penny loafers that
harmonize. I thought that was the whole reason Jerry Lee Lewis and Elvis
got famous, cause they took black music and took it into places that only
allowed white people. But there I go again--RUINING THE MOVIE. Okay, now,
the great conclusion to "Back to the Future."
[fading] I really do
like Zemeckis and Gale, the screenwriting team that wrote this. USC Film
School guys. They wrote this. They wrote Used Cars. They wrote "I Wanna
Hold Your Hand." They wrote "1941." Well--they wrote "Used Cars." Let's
not dwell on it.
"BACK TO THE FUTURE" Outro
You know who else's career got a
big boost out of that movie? Huey Lewis. "The Power of Love" and "Back in
Time"--those songs were on the radio for EVER. Anyhow, there were two
sequels, one in 1989, one in 1990, and I didn't see em. Anybody see em?
Why aren't we showing ALL THREE tonight? Remember when we did that with
the Poltergeist movies? Man alive. There are still people in intensive
care units as a result of
All three Back To The Future movies are available on vhs video and on DVD
There was even a Russian version with Ivan the Terrible! Could I make that up? Inventor Shurik has constructed a time machine in his humdrum Moscow apartment. Accidentally the contraption sends the inventor, the apartment house manager, and a thief to the palace of Ivan the Terrible, while the notorious monarch switches places with them in time. Hilarious complications ensue in this giddy mixture of science fiction and comedy.
Previous showings (2007) of Back to the Future:
Thu Sep 13 11:30A on CinemaxBack to the Future 2 (1989, set in year 2015)
Mon Sep 17 11:05A on Cinemax
Back to the Future 3 (back in time to the old West, only a steam locomotive for power)
Wed Sep 26 05:00P on Cinemax
Addams Family Values (Lloyd as Uncle Fester)
Fri Sep 14 01:30P on Bravo
Sat Sep 15 10:00A on Bravo
The American President (Michael Douglas as President, Fox as assistant)
Sat May 12 09:45A & 6:15P on Showtime Women
Sat May 19 12:05P on Showtime
Sat Jun 2 11:05A & 9:30P on Showtime #2
Wed July 4 08:30A & 7:30P on The Movie Channel
Sat Aug 4 09:40A & 8:40P on Showtime Family Zone
Sat Aug 11 10:00A & 8:00P on Flix Movie Channel
Angels in the Outfield (1994, baseball team is aided by angels in this remake of the 1951 film)
Tue Sep 4 02:30P on Encore
Sun Sep 9 09:00A, 4:15P & 11:20P on Starz Kids and Family
Thu Sep 13 10:50A & 6:00P on Starz Kids and Family
Fri Sep 14 06:15P on Encore
Sat Sep 22 11:00A & 6:00P on Starz Kids and Family
Adv. of Buckaroo Banzai (Peter Weller, John Lithgow, Ellen Barkin, Jeff Goldblum, Christopher Lloyd)
Sat Feb 17 09:00P on Ion (formerly Pax)
Camp Nowhere (1994, kids invent a fake summer camp & hire Lloyd to run it)
Thu Jun 14 07:15A on Starz Comedy
Mon Aug 6 09:40A, 4:20P & 11:00P on Starz Kids and Family
Fri Sep 21 06:50A on Starz
Doc Hollywood (1991, Fox crashes in small town rushing to city & has to stay awhile. Remade as Cars)
Fri Aug 10 07:30A on HBO Comedy
The Frighteners (1996, Michael J Fox, John Astin)
Sat Aug 11 05:00P on SciFi ChannelMy Favorite Martian (1999 starring Lloyd, chased by man in black Ray Walston)
Wed Sep 12 01:20P & 4:50A on Starz Comedy
Thu Sep 13 07:45P on Wam!
Sun Sep 16 10:00A & 6:20P on Starz Comedy
Tue Sep 18 10:00A on Wam!
Thu Sep 20 09:20A on Starz Comedy
Sun Sep 23 07:45P on Wam!
Sun Sep 23 08:45P on Movie Plex
Who Framed Roger Rabbit (Lloyd as Judge Doom, who wants to control the future Los Angeles)
Sun Mar 4 01:30P on The Movie Channel
Wed Jun 6 01:50P on Showtime Beyond
Thu Sep 13 10:00A on Wam!
Fri Sep 21 04:20P on Mystery
Fri Sep 21 05:20P on Movie Plex
Sat Sep 22 08:35A on Encore
Sun Sep 23 06:00P on Wam!
Sun Sep 23 07:00P on Movie Plex
Spin City episode "Back to the Future IV-Judgment Day" (starring Michael J. Fox)
Mike's old mentor (Christopher Lloyd) takes a job with the Mayor
Mon Jul 30 09:30A on FX Network
Star Trek III: The Search for Spock (Lloyd as the nasty Klingon leader)
Wed May 30 05:15A on More Max
Stuart Little (1999, voice of Michael J Fox, with Geena Davis, Hugh Laurie, Jonathan Lipnicki,
Julia Sweeney, Nathan Lane, Jennifer Tilly, Bruno Kirby, Estelle Getty, Dabney Coleman.
A human family adopts a charming mouse, to the chagrin of their son and cat.
Wed Aug 1 06:00P on Cartoon Network
From The Mailbag:
Date: Tue, 08 Jul 03 13:11:06 GMT
Subject: Dimensional warp Generator Needed olxkbttry t
We need a vendor who can offer immediate supply.
I'm offering $5,000 US dollars just for referring a vender which is
(Actually RELIABLE in providing the below equipment) Contact details
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$5,000. We prefer to work with vendor in the Boston/New York area.
1. The mind warper generation 4 Dimensional Warp Generator # 52 4350a
series wrist watch with z80 or better memory adapter. If in stock the
AMD Dimensional Warp Generator module containing the GRC79 induction
motor, two I80200 warp stabilizers, 256GB of SRAM, and two Analog
Devices isolinear modules, This unit also has a menu driven GUI
accessible on the front panel XID display. All in 1 units would be
great if reliable models are available
2. The special 23200 or Acme 5X24 series time transducing capacitor
with built in temporal displacement. Needed with complete
3. A reliable crystal Ionizor with unlimited memory backup.
4. I will also pay for Schematics, layouts, and designs directly
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from readily available parts.
If your vendor turns out to be reliable, I owe you $5,000.
Email his details to me at: firstname.lastname@example.org
This is a joke...I think. BL
By the way, other movies on the Comedy movies page include: Camp Nowhere
(1994) A group of kids invent a fictional summer camp, trick their parents into sending them to it, and hire a wierd guy (Christopher Lloyd) to run it, but he starts taking the job seriously. Jonathan Jackson, Wendy Makkena
For Love Or Money
(1993) Michael J. Fox stars as a hotel concierge, torn between building his own dream hotel and winning his dream girl (Gabrielle Anwar). Anthony Higgins, Michael Tucker
Teen Wolf (1985)
Michael J. Fox made two movies in 1985, the wildy successful Back To The Future, and this one. He plays an ordinary high school kid who finds out he starts turning into a werewolf on his 18th birthday. Susan Ursitti, Jerry Levine, Dad: James Hampton
Teen Wolf Too (the sequel with Jason Bateman instead of Michael J. Fox)