... I'm Neko, click me to follow your curser
Click me again to stop

Original Monstervision Drive-In page

www.Monstervision.org


Monstervision Movie Reviews and Host Segments, and 100% Wierd Listings for your viewing pleasure this month
Monstervision 1997 logo

Welcome to the Mostervision page.

FAQ (frequently asked question): What's the difference between Monstervision on TNT and Mystery Science Theater 3000 on the Sci-Fi channel?
Monster jokes "There are 3 types of people in the world - those who are good at math and those who aren't."

Past movies have included Star Trek 2: The Wrath Of Khan, all 3 Poltergeist movies (in a row, the same night), Back to the Future, Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, Stephen King's The Dead Zone and Christine, and even a couple of films they also made fun of on MST3K...
Following the Monster Vision movie or movies was a film that TNT considers "100% Wierd". Sometimes it has something to do with the evening's selection (2 Godzilla movies were followed by "All Monsters Attack") and sometimes not. Sometimes "100% Wierd" was just a short film, Bigfoot: Man or Beast ... which is about 50% wierd. Or the classic Japanese TV-series Ultra 7, or Gilligan's Island, which is just plain silly. Each summer, Professor Joe Bob Briggs would conduct his own Summer School

These movies continue to run on TNT, TBS, and even the SYFY Channel in their original form. Simply print out the host segments for the movie when it comes around and read Joe Bob's comments on each segment as you watch the movie. It's the next best thing to having Joe Bob on the couch next to you...

Books by Joe Bob Briggs are available from his Amazon.com direct link

In addition to being Joe Bob Briggs on MonsterVision, John Bloom also appeared on Comedy Central's Daily Show to comment on Godstuff.
John Bloom's Godstuff page at Comedy Central. John Bloom does most or all of his own writing

MonsterVision movies transcripts list so far



Today's schedule sponsored by Motel Hell, when only the very worst will do

This month, 2016
12/1/1917 Boys Town founded in Nebraska, USA
12/1/1959 Essential systems were eliminated from the B-70 supersonic bomber program, essentially ending it
12/1/1945 born Bette Midler, singer/actress
12/1/1935 born Lou Rawls singer
12/1/1976 Bill Grundy uses the F word on the British "Today Show," The Sex Pistols are banned 
        from performing live shows in U.K.
12/1/1982 Michael Jackson album "Thriller" released, with Vincent Price narration on title track
12/2/1763 1st Jewish center in America opens, in Newport
12/2/1935 Flight of 20 bombers flew Calif to FLA in less than 22 hours
12/3/1909 Camas Prairie Railroad begins operation (google it)
12/3/1945 P-80 becomes USAF's 1st jet fighter
12/3/1966 Gov. Ronald Reagan tells Berkeley students "Observe the rules or get out"
12/3/1971 Montreux Casino burns down while Frank Zappa's performing, inspiring song Smoke On The Water
12/3/1976 A giant inflatable pig intended for a Pink Floyd photo shoot got away and shut down every flight in and
          out of London's Heathrow Airport as it drifted thru; it was still used on their "Animals" album cover
12/3/1979 Several fans are trampled to death at a general-seating rock concert in Cincinnati
12/3/1948 born Ozzy Osbourne singer
12/4/1965 Two astronauts launched in Gemini VII
12/4/1944 born Dennis Wilson singer, of the Beach Boys
12/4/1968 The Soviet Union calls the Beatles "rich idols of the Philistines"
12/5/1907 Wilbur Wright offers US govt a two-person airplane for $25,000
12/6/1949 USAF funds diverted to build Alaska radar defense system
12/6/1969 A free rock & roll concert in Livermore, CA, turns disastrous, released theatrically as "Gimme Shelter"
12/6/1979 "Highway To Hell" album by AC/DC goes gold, lead singer Ron Scott dies 2 months later
12/7/1941 Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, bombed by Japan without declaring war first
12/7/1942 born Harry Chapin (died 1981) singer/song writer, gold record for Cat's In The Cradle
12/7/1949 Tom Waits, singer
12/7/1972 Final Moon landing, Apollo 17, with little public interest
12/8/1943 born Jim Morrison (died 1971) singer
12/8/1947 born Gregg Allman, the Allman Brothers Band
12/8/1948 B-36 completed a 9,400 mile nonstop flight without refueling
12/8/1961 "Surfin" released, 1st song by The Beach Boys
12/8/1980 John Lennon is shot by a Beatles fan after signing an album for him, dying within 30 minutes
12/8/1982 Singer/song writer Marty Robbins died, his "That's All Right" outsold the Elvis Presley version
12/9/1941 1st use of US bombers in WW2, bombing enemy ships off Philippines
12/9/1957 born Donny Osmond, singer
12/10/1954 Greatest G-force sustained by man set by Col. J.P. Stapp
12/10/1967 Singer/writer Otis Redding killed in plane crash (26) "Dock Of The Bay" is released posthumously
12/11/1914 Radio message received by a US plane in flight at distance of ten miles
12/11/1926 born Big Mama Thornton "Hound Dog" (later also done by Elvis Presley in 1956)
12/11/1944 born Brenda Lee singer
12/11/1954 Billboard magazine predicts that 78 rpm records are doomed due to 45 rpm popularity
12/11/1964 Popular R&B singer Sam Cooke shot to death under bizarre circumstances wearing only shoes & a sports coat
12/12/2016 Virgin of Guadalupe (Mexico)
12/12/1887 US Congress passes the Interstate Commerce Act, putting the ICC in charge of regulating railroads
12/12/1935 an amphibian plane flies record 1033 miles
12/12/1938 born Connie Francis singer
12/12/1949 born Dionne Warwick,  singer
12/12/1968 The Rolling Stones film "Rolling Stones Rock & Roll Circus" with real clowns, but it's never released
12/13/2016 Full Moon, lock Larry Talbut in his room
12/13/1962 USAF balloon reaches record 82,000 feet
12/13/1948 born Ted Nugent singer
12/13/2016 Stock markets react to Federal Reserve voting on raising interest rates
12/14/1947 Ronald Reagan and Jane Wyman separate
12/14/1984 1st flight of X-29
12/14/1963 Dinah Washington died (39, sleeping pills od) What A Difference A Day Makes, "Unforgetable"
12/15/1922 born Alan Freed (died1965) super DJ
12/15/1964 1st USAF gunship, the AC-47 enters combat in Vietnam
12/15/1942 born Dave Clark, singer
12/15/1955 Folsom Prison Blues song released, album later recorded by Johnny Cash live inside the prison
12/15/1977 The Sex Pistols are denied U.S. visas to appear on Sat. Night Live for multiple reasons
12/16/1773 Patriots disguised as Indians dump tea off British ships, The Boston Tea Party
12/16/1944 Nazi Germany, thought near collapse, starts all-out Battle of the Bulge
12/16/1970 5 singles and 5 albums by Creedence Clearwater are certified gold the same day
12/17/1903 first sustained controlled flight in a powered aircraft, by the Wright Brothers
12/17/1955 "16 Tons" by Tennessee Ernie Ford tops both C&W and pop charts, #1 on pop chart since November
12/18/1941 Buzz Wagner becomes first American ace of WW2
12/18/1943 born Keith Richards (born in India as Harry Rodger Webb) singer, TV and movie actor, 
most recently in Pirates Of The Caribbean At Worlds End
12/19/1972 Massive 11 day air strike begins to convince North Vietnam to conclude Paris Peace Talks
12/19/1944 born Zal Yanovsky singer "Do You Believe In Magic" with the Lovin Spoonful
12/19/1955 Carl Perkins records his most popular song "Blue Suede Shoes"
12/20/1941 first combat between the Flying Tigers and Japanese over China
12/20/1967 Jethro Tull band formed, named after an 18th century inventor of farm implements
12/20/1973 Bobby Darin (37) dies during open-heart surgery, singer "Mack The Knife", actor The Time Tunnel
12/21/1944 Hap Arnold becomes General of the US Army
12/21/1946 born Carl Wilson of the Beach Boys, guitar
12/21/1940 born Frank Zappa, singer "Baby Snakes"
12/21/1970 Jesus Christ Superstar studio-recorded album of the play goes gold
12/21/2016 first day of winter, shortest day of year north of the Equator and longest south of it
12/22/1949 born Robin Gibb, singer with brothers Barry & Maurice as The Bee Gees
12/22/1949 born Maurice Gibb, twin of Robin
12/22/1964 1st flight of SR-71 supersonic spy plane
12/22/1962 "Telstar" by the Tornadoes is first song by a British group to hit #1 in US
12/22/1981 Sotheby's rock & roll auction sells Tom Jones jacket for $12 and a John Lennon self-portrait for $15,000
12/23/1907 Signal Corps issues 1st specs for the 1st military airplane
12/24/2016 Hanukkah begins at sunset, light first candle tonight
12/24/1924 born Lee Dorsey singer, Working In A Coal Mine (top 10 hit 1966)
12/24/1928 Great Northern Railroad completes longest railway tunnel, Cascade Tunnel
12/24/1943 Over 600 US bombers attack Nazi Germany's V1 & V2 weapons sites, destroying them
12/24/1944 born Mike Curb, president of MGM Records, Republican Lt. Gov of California
12/24/1954 popular R&B singer Johnny Ace (25) kills self playing Russian Roulette backstage in Houston
12/24/1961 "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is the 1st African song to hit #1 in US, based on native folk song translated into English
12/24/1974 James Taylor, Carly Simon, Linda Ronstadt, Joni Mitchell sing Christmas carols on streets of L.A.
12/25 Christmas Day observed, written by early Greek Christians as Xmas to signify the cross later carried by Christ
12/25/2016 first full day of Hanukkah, light 2nd candle tonight at sundown
12/25/1932 born Little Richard (Richard Penniman) singer
12/25/1946 born Jimmy Buffett, singer
12/25/1945 born Alice Cooper (Vincent Furnier) Welcome To My Nightmare
12/25/1940 born Phil Spector record producer
12/25/1959 Richard Starkey (Ringo Starr, age 18) gets first drum set, for Christmas
12/25/1949 USAF reveals development of a ceramic with resistance of 2000 degrees heat
12/25/1976 "Hotel California" album by The Eagles with Joe Walsh goes gold. You can check out anytime you want...
12/26 Kwanzaa observed, invented in the 1960s by a college professor by combining various African customs
12/26 Boxing Day observed in UK, Canada, Australia & NZ, giving presents to servants and the poor
12/26/1963 Capitol/EMI releases its first Beatles single, I Want To Hold Your Hand/I Saw Her Standing There
12/26/1943 Bombing of Cape Gloucester, New Britain, completely destroys enemy defenses against invasion
12/27/1935 Lava flow diverted by Army aerial bombardment, Hawaii
12/27/1980 "Starting Over" by John Lennon hits #1 in UK & US simultaneously 3 weeks after his death
12/28/1946 born Edgar Winter, singer
12/28/1948 C-47 with rocket boosters for takeoff rescues 12 USAF pilots from ice in Greenland
12/29/2016 New Moon, werewolf threat level green
12/29/1942 born B.J. Thomas "Hooked On A Feeling" (later a gold record for Blue Swede in 1974)
12/29/1939 first flight of B-24 bomber, the 1st of over 18,000 B-24s produced by 1945
12/30/1914 US Signal Corps accepts the first Burgess-Dunne stable armored plane
12/30/1928 Bo Diddley born, singer 
12/30/1942 born Michael Nesmith singer with The Monkees (if you misspell that, just white it out)
12/30/1945 born Davy Jones of The Monkees, and stay out of his locker
12/31 New Year's Eve, party like it's 1999
12/31/1945 World War 2 officially declared over
12/31/1943 born John Denver, singer/song writer, died flying his own plane
12/31/1948 born Donna Summer singer
12/31/1942 born Andy Summers singer
12/31/1955 "Unchained Melody" named #1 tune of the year, later used in Demi Moore movie Ghost
12/31/1970 Paul McCartney files a writ in London against the Beatles, breaking up the group, naming the other 3
12/31/1974 "Cat's In The Cradle" by Harry Chapin, words by his wife, is a gold #1 hit. He says, 
"This one is scaring fathers from coast to coast; I suspect wives are buying it as zingers for their husbands."

6/19/2016 Anton Yelchin died (27) Russian-born actor best known for playing Chekov in recent two Star Trek films and a recent Terminator movie as Kyle Reese. He got out of his car in his driveway when it accidentally rolled crushing him. His family filed suit against Chrysler on August 2 for not issuing a recall for the known defect
Google announced new computer keyboard on April 1 2016, for people in Japan addicted to smart phones
The Wizard Of Oz in 5 minutes

As reviewed by a guy stuck in space with two robots named Crow and Tom Servo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
Monstervision's Joe Bob Briggs started on The Movie Channel: TMC schedule
"While other people come upon roadkill and see a dead animal, I see a new hat" Beth Beverly, Taxidermist
Half of the DNA in humans and bananas is the same, does that mean we are all half bananas?

Ray Harryhausen's legendary stop-motion creatures defined blockbuster special effects for decades and inspired entire generations of filmmakers. He died May 7th, 2013 at the age of 92.
Other deaths in 2013 included Tom Laughlin, star of the Bill Jack movies, and Peter O'Toole, costar of Supergirl movie and "My Favorite Year."

Note: Joe Bob's video host segments for "Blood Feast" have been added to the Blood & Donuts page cause I can't remember where I put the transcript for Blood Feast
"Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff" Frank Zappa
Click here for the planet Alderran from the 1st Star Wars movie. The Shadow Knows
Peter Graves of Mission Impossible (TV-series) and the movie Airplane, has died. His son tried to help but to no avail. Walter Koenig's son Andrew, a childstar on "Growing Pains" as Boner, has been found dead of suicide. Members of the cast of Star Trek and Growing Pains have sent their sympathy to the family; he had been treated for depression and went off his meds. Walter Koenig asks that anyone wrestling with depression please get help or call someone

Josh Friedman (the Terminator TV series) is casting for a new Charlie's Angels TV-series on ABC and Moonlight's Alex O'Loughlin is close to an agreement to play the Jack Lord role in a new Hawaii 5-0. NBC has ordered several new pilots to fill the hole in primetime left by Jay Leno returning to the Tonight Show, including a new Rockford Files by the creator of TV's House, and a dramedy starring David Tennant (Who?) called "Rex Is Not Your Lawyer" (I hope that's just a working title). American Movie Classics is adapting "The Walking Dead" zombie comic book for a new TV-series on the cable channel known for Mad Men and Breaking Bad. Starz is already running episodes of Sam Raimi's "Spartacus: Blood & Sand," with Lucy Lawless (Xena) as a Roman vamp. Remember Terry O'Quinn from the Monstervision feature Stepfather 2? He's no longer Mr. Nice Guy on the TV-series "Lost." He told TV Guide in January 2010 that in the 6th & final season, his character's "on a mission and he's a dark presence, almost like the devil. The more the others know about him, the more fear he inspires."
Hey, are you kids watching Play-Mate Of The Apes?
There are former MonsterVision movies on the following entire-month channel's pages. Whenever possible, I have made the movie titles on these pages MonsterVision review/host segments links:
American Movie Classics ... Turner Classic Movies ... A&E ... History Channel ... Independent Film Channel ... Encore ... Starz ... Starz in Black ... Starz Edge ... Starz Comedy ... Encore's Mystery ... Drama and Action Channels and Wam ... HBO & Cinemax ... Showtime ... Showtime's Flix Channel ... The Movie Channel ... Showtime's Family Zone and Sundance ... Showtime #2 (Showtime Too), Showtime Showcase, Showtime Extreme, Showtime Beyond, Showtime Women ... Showtime Next. Showtime HD appears to be the same as Showtime ... Starz Cinema ... Starz HDTV ... Encore Westerns ... MoviePlex ... RetroPlex ... Starz Kids & Family and Encore's Love Channel ... SciFi Channel movies & TV-marathons ... USA Network movies. Bravo!
Fox Movie Channel no longer has monthly listings, just a non-text daily list on their flash website
See Dinner & A Movie page for upcoming TBS Dinner & A Movie (Fridays), Movie & A Makeover (Saturdays), TBS Movie Extra (Thursdays & Sundays)

Note: Star Trek The Next Generation is on the SYFY channel as well as WGN weeknights @ 10pm/1am EST. A and E has The Sopranos @ 2pm Mon-Fri, and Family Channel has 2 eps of Sabrina The Teenage Witch @ 2pm Mon-Fri

Zombieland full-length trailer #2

There are no zombies in Washington DC because they eat brains

I don't care what you've heard, most of Air America Radio's programs are still on the air

In August 2009, Nancy Pelosi said that people opposed to the government health care plan are un-American Nazis

Watch Dracula and his Vampire Brides in its entirety courtesy of YouTube, starring Christopher Lee for Hammer Films
Note: The SciFi Channel is changing its name to SYFY, don't ask me why why. Maybe it goes better with professional wrestling
ABC has the TV rights to "The Witches Of Eastwick" and has turned it into a TV-series similar to Desperate Housewives titled simply "Eastwick." Tom Cruise has agreed to do Mission Impossible 4 as producer. Click here to please Zardoz.

He's Always Russian Around


Alright, some of you turkeys still don't know what "Bimbo" means. Maybe this video will help

What's Russian for Zsa Zsa?

Have you ever been talking on the phone and forgot somebody's name? Perhaps it would help to have your brain indexed. Google announced a new service on April 1st called Brainsearch which will allow Google to search your brain for you anytime you want to remember something. It is available only for cell-phone users at this time because it uses Beta waves:


John Wayne's opinion of gun control
Website Sizzler, including free ebook: How To Generate Quick Cash In An Emergency

Four U.S. helicopters crossed into Syria on 10-27-08 to blast a terrorist camp there. The leading helicopter was flown by a shirtless guy named Rambo, wearing boxing shorts

If the number seven is lucky than I guess it must really be lucky when the stock market drops 777 points in one day...it dropped 18% in one week, a higher percentage than it did on Black Monday 10-28-29, brother can you spare a dime?
A penny a day for a month, doubled, would be 1 cent times 30 days times two, or 60 cents! Here's a 31-day list of how much you would make if it doubled every day for 31 days

Want Monstervision episodes on DVD? Here's a fansite that appears to trade DVDs amongst its member for just the cost of postage: Latenightwingman.com

Make your own banners completely free of charge at IntantBannerCreator.com

Previous MonsterVision listings here (in 2010)


Review Me


Monstervision's 100% Weird



A full-color recreation of Joe Bob's Saturday Night homepage (1999/2000) is now viewable. The links all work now, I think.
BBC will stop playing April Fools Day pranks when penguins fly

Yes, that's Terry Jones of Monty Python as the host, 2008
How it was created

Of course, April is also the month of the annual Spaghetti Harvest

Did you forget to send an important email? Google now has a Gmail feature that allows you to send email as far back in time as April 1, 2004. Gmail utilizes an e-flux capacitor to resolve issues of causality. Click here for details. Posted by Google on April 1. The 1st day of April.

Check out the new ad for Indiana Jones 4 (2008)

MST3K is Back!   - RiffTrax

More weird videos posted at the Ripley's Believe It Or Not pages

1980s eps of Knight Rider have moved to MyRTN: Retro Television Network, available in 40 states so far

Click Here if you don't know what "Click Here" means
Click here if you think your job sucks. What's up, Tiger Lily?

MonsterVision Bios of Joe Bob and Honey the Mail Girl. And of course, Professor Joe Bob also has his own Q&A page

Joe Bob Briggs interview (January 2006) page 1, page 2...Interview with Mike Nelson of MST3000
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

----------------->>> The Mean Kitty Song <<<-------------------


The budget for Spider-Man 3 was around $350,000,000 making it one of the most expensive movies ever made. Not to be confused with the low-budget Lon Chaney, Jr. monster movie Spider Baby (1964, with the opening credits music narrated by Chaney himself)
Faster, Pussycat, Kill, Kill! (the lost scene)

Ed Wood (with Martin Landau as Bela Lugosi, as he was filming Plan 9 from Outer Space) is seen occasionally on AMC's sister station, Independent Film Channel

Joe Bob Briggs interview from November 2006 is now archived online

You've heard about it, check it out for yourself. The George Orwell spoof: Why 2008 won't be like 1984 put together by a fan of Obama

Clip posted at YouTube: Bob Denver intros Mysterious Island for TNT's MonsterVision

If this link doesn't work it's not my fault (no pathetic excuses)

Would you like to have Joe Bob speak at
your next meeting or corporate event?
Fill out this form, so that he can get back
to you with all the exciting details!

Aslan Take them The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe theatrical trailers swiped from
www.Narnia.com
have been moved to the new
Chronicles of Narnia movie page
Aslan is on the move. Sequels coming soon

Check out Pirates Of The Caribbean 2 & 3 or the Flying Dutchman may get you with its kracken

Golden Age of Radio online including The Shadow and Doc Savage


Happy Halloween from Dr. Loomis
Webmasters, feel free to link to this entire page - http://www.Monstervision.org
There will never be popups or popunders here, though I do enjoy a good apple popover now and then if its cooked right

Remember, it's just Five Million Years To Earth

If you see any problems with this website, you'll have to check with the Dungeonmaster. The webmaster is taking a nap
Now available from Amazon.com Joe Bob Briggs narrates "A Double Dose of Joe Bob Briggs: "The Double-D Avenger" and "Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter" You can buy it at Joe Bob's new official site www.joebobbriggs.com and he'll even autograph it for you.

MonsterVision Rating System
G ..... General Audiences, all ages allowed
PG.... Profanity Guaranteed, all ages allowed
R ..... Restricted, no one under 17 allowed unless they like looking at nekkid chicks or bloody violence and can talk the babysitter into pretending to be their parent to get them in. Unless of course she's a psycho Sitter
NC17... No children under 17, cause this movie has X-rated sex or violence that Hollywood doesn't want to call X-rated anymore. The British & Germans have a number-based ratings system, and the French use one based on bleu cheese

Joe Bob Briggs bio from 1999 (he blooms anywhere)
There are books by Joe Bob Briggs available on the bio page, but none about Monstervision

Joe Bob's unlisted phone numberClick here for Joe Bob's secret home phone number

This vast website devoted to Monstervision built and maintained by half-vast fans

Best movies ever made by Japanese guys in monster suits...with links to Monstervision's host segments for "Godzilla" and "Godzilla vs Mothra" (Joe Bob just loved the tiny women who sing to Mothra)

A word from God

Big Trouble In Little China fans, for a free computer game based on your favorite movie, go to the Big Trouble In Little China computer game on the Wingkong.net fan website for free download. And don't worry if you don't get the rules right away, you weren't brought into this world to get it, Mr. Burton.
And here's Kurt Russell's opinion of Osama Bin Ladin.
Email: scifans@gmail

Click here to sign up for a weekly Email from Joe Bob, news you can't use, guaranteed. Want to drop Joe Bob a note? Send email to joebob@joebobbriggs.com

Longer version of that music the Phantom plays on a pipe organ

Click here for Christine (the movie review & host segments, not the demon-possessed car from Hell itself)

Or visit Boris Karloff, he's lonely

Kolchak, the Night Stalker page

Lock your doors, lock your windows, and click here for the "Halloween" movies

Halloween is 20 years old, happy birthday!

Animated graphics © 2003 by The Animation Factory.

Be vewy vewy qwiet. I'm hunting wabbits. Bad, bad talking-cat

® Monstervision is a registered trademark of nobody

This electric site
Help keep this on a popup-free website. Buy something from our sponsors!
Click here to hear your computer scream again

Or here for Return of the Living Dead

Please note: this website is for intelligent people, not this guy
Was that the boogie-man?

Guess who's coming to dinner

Welcome to the party, pal

Monstervision Error 404 Page (it's fun)

See anything on this page you don't like? Contact the Webmaster. Not to be confused with the Puppet Master. Whatever you do, for God's sake, don't attempt to contact the zombie/undead "Puppet Master." You've been warned. That's all I can do.

Episodes of Wierd Science can be seen on Starz channel "Wam" What do you little maniacs want to do first?

The Visitors are coming to the Sci-Fi Channel in a remake of "V" with Robert Englund of Nightmare On Elm Street as a "friendly" alien

Greetings from The Visitors

Hamster Dance!

Or visit the Neko homepage

Click here if you want to be a spammer

Note: if you want to printout this page, be sure your printer is set to black ink & no background. And that it has ink in it. And paper

Monstervision…

What was the question again?

42% of all statistics are fake

10 Reasons Not To Kill George Bush


Your uncle was a monkey, swinging through the trees
Or don't you believe in Human origins?

Willard! There are rats in the basement!

"The majority is always wrong" - Steve McQueen
Terrorists are not cowards, they're the enemy...Annihilate them
Joe Bob Briggs

They're creepy and they're kooky, mysterious and ookie, they're altogether spooky, the Addams Family.

It's A Joke, Son (256k video mp4)

Important Note: This is not a chain letter. It was not started decades ago in the Netherlands, nor was it perpetrated centuries ago by some deranged monk on Easter Island (which is highly unlikely in the first place, since EMACS only works on smart display terminals, and they weren't available on Easter Island back then, due largely to the U.S. state department's vigorous ban on exportation of advanced technology to deranged monks on equatorial islands).

There is no luck associated with this letter. Hence, it is pointless to send five copies of this letter to people you like. In fact, it is vigorously discouraged, since, by sending this letter through the postal service, you are needlessly burdening an already overworked system. You also increase the chance of the postal service losing mail. Murphy's Law will take effect here, resulting in your letter being delivered the next day, and a Red Cross package to a needy individual in Zimbabwe to be accidentally re-routed to Hackensack, New Jersey, thus becoming lost forever. You do not stand a chance, however, of displacing any junk mail.

If you break the chain, and fail to send five copies of this letter to other unfortunate individuals, then absolutely nothing extraordinary will happen to you. If, on the other hand, you do propagate five copies of this letter, then absolutely nothing extraordinary will happen to you, either.

"The Freaks" start doing the gooble gobble chant at a wedding reception (1932). By the way, this movie was banned in Britain for 30 years, and even the ending was edited out before it was released in America, and the ending on the storyboard wasn't approved for filming (it involved an ax and a bag of feathers)

People who think logically are a nice contrast to the rest of the world
Nine of ten people suffer from hemorrhoids. Do the others enjoy them?

"If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, Sweetheart," said the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready."
"Good, what are we having for breakfast?" asked the new husband.
"Toast and juice," she replied.

The drive-in will never die!!!

"MonsterVision" was cancelled by the ungrateful weasels at TNT
Later gator,
Joe Bob

"Don't believe anything you read on the net. Except this. Well, including this, I suppose." Douglas Adams (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

More Blonde Jokes:
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tripped over the cordless phone.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind.
She told someone to meet her at the corner of WALK and DON'T WALK.
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius."
If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes happened around the home, she moved.
Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? ...It took her months to figure out she could use it at night.
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? ..."Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice? ...Because it said "concentrate."
Why can't blondes take coffee breaks? They're too hard to retrain.
What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle? A dope ring.
Why can't blondes be pharmacists? Because they can't fit the bottle in the typewriter.
What's the definition of eternity? 4 blondes at a 4-way stop.
What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean? An air pocket.
What do you call a basement full of blondes? A whine cellar.
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts? "This Goes In Front."
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? "Oh, look!! Donut seeds!
"When I went to Wal-Mart for the first time...I always thought they sold wallpaper. I didn't realize it was everything. You can get anything you want there for really, really cheap." Paris Hilton

Many more blonde jokes

The latest blond joke is in the Miss Teenage America contest from someplace on the maps known as Carolina (not near Asian countries or the Iraq) and all of you U.S. Americans can see it here

What's the difference between Congress and a clown college? Some people still respect clowns

Heroes of 9/11 and 3000 Names

This page © the great and powerful Bill Laidlaw. Coca Cola has been 100% cocaine-free since 1929, when they replaced it with caffeine.

In February 2008 two thieves with knives invaded the north Texas home of 80 year old James Pickett but he got so mad when one of them said something bad about John Wayne he put them both in the hospital with cracked heads. Them's fightin' words!

Legal crap for this world wide website

Happy New Year from my cat
Fun fact: As of 1995, Yahoo.com had a indexed over 15,000 websites!

Some graphics on this page are from the Angelfire Graphics Library...That's the fact, Jack

Need a program to process windows media audio? Freeware available at this fansite (WMA, WMV and ASF)

Remember, a bird in the bush is worth half a bird in your hand, a word is worth one-thousandth of a picture, and the early worm gets eaten by a bird. That's my 2˝˘ worth

Can't find any hosted bad movies to watch? How about hosted bad movie trailers...check out the website Trailersfromhell.com, they appear to have a different hosted bad movie trailer 3 days a week. After you hear the hosted version, click un-narrated version to hear the trailer's original audio, in all it's glory!

Playboy Magazine has a new edition for married people, the centerfold is the same every month
What has four legs and an arm? A pit bull.
What has four legs and an ear? Mike Tyson's pit bull.
What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker? "Hop in." The Drive-In will never die!

The use of solar energy has not been opened up because the oil industry does not own the sun
Ralph Nader (1980)
Sometimes it's hard to get a Taxi


Save the Sea Kittens
Is government a necessary evil or just plain evil?
"The nincompoops in my audience greatly outnumber the compoops"
Brother Theodore Gottlieb (1996) The Late Show
The chief characteristic of institutions is that if they have a purpose when they are started, it is forgotten as they mature"
Robert M. Hutchins
If everyone is thinking alike, then nobody is thinking
~~ Amazon.com sucks ~~
International Women's Day was created by The Socialist Party of America in 1909. Soviet Russia proclaimed it in 1922, followed by the United Nations in the 1970s.
In the USA they used paper dollars until the collapse of 2017 when everyone switched to digital beads
eXTReMe Tracker