... I'm Neko, click me to follow your curser
Click me again to stop

Original Monstervision Drive-In page


Monstervision Movie Reviews and Host Segments, and 100% Wierd Listings for your viewing pleasure this month
Monstervision 1997 logo

Welcome to the Mostervision page.

FAQ (frequently asked question): What's the difference between Monstervision on TNT and Mystery Science Theater 3000 on the Sci-Fi channel?
Monster jokes "There are 3 types of people in the world - those who are good at math and those who aren't."

Past movies have included Star Trek 2: The Wrath Of Khan, all 3 Poltergeist movies (in a row, the same night), Back to the Future, Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, Stephen King's The Dead Zone and Christine, and even a couple of films they also made fun of on MST3K...
Following the Monster Vision movie or movies was a film that TNT considers "100% Wierd". Sometimes it has something to do with the evening's selection (2 Godzilla movies were followed by "All Monsters Attack") and sometimes not. Sometimes "100% Wierd" was just a short film, Bigfoot: Man or Beast ... which is about 50% wierd. Or the classic Japanese TV-series Ultra 7, or Gilligan's Island, which is just plain silly. Each summer, Professor Joe Bob Briggs would conduct his own Summer School

These movies continue to run on TNT, TBS, and even the SYFY Channel in their original form. Simply print out the host segments for the movie when it comes around and read Joe Bob's comments on each segment as you watch the movie. It's the next best thing to having Joe Bob on the couch next to you...

Books by Joe Bob Briggs are available from his Amazon.com direct link

In addition to being Joe Bob Briggs on MonsterVision, John Bloom also appeared on Comedy Central's Daily Show to comment on Godstuff.
John Bloom's Godstuff page at Comedy Central. John Bloom does most or all of his own writing

MonsterVision movies transcripts list so far

Today's schedule sponsored by Motel Hell, when only the very worst will do

This month, 2017
10/1/1947 USAF launches first intercontinental missile
10/1/2017 O.J. Simpson parolled 10/1/17 early morning in the Las Vegas area
10/1/1995 Ten Muslims convicted for the 1993 bombing of New York's World Trade Center in 1993
10/1/1949 Mao Zedong founds the People's Republic of China
10/1/1903 first World Series played, rest of world not invited
10/2/1942 First flight of a turbojet aircraft, a Bell P-59A
10/2/1977 Bodies of Elvis Presley & his mother are moved to Graceland after someone tried to steal them from Forest Hill in L.A.
10/3/1967 Record speed of 4,534 mph set by secret X-15 flight
10/3/1995 Jury acquits O.J. Simpson of murder charges, later convicted on unrelated charges
10/4/2017 Sukkot begins at sundown
10/4/1922 Canada nationalizes railroads and creates Canadian National Railway
10/4/1957 Sputnik launched into orbit by Russia, the CIA assures President Eisenhower that it is not a weapon
10/4/1959 Soviet Russia launches a probe to photograph the far side of the Moon
10/4/1965 First ever visit to America by a Pope, greeted by a crowd of over 2,000,000 people in New York City
10/5/2017 Full Moon, lock Larry Talbut in his room
10/5/2017 The Orville (Fox) episode 5, directed by Jonathan Frakes of Star Trek TNG
10/5/1965 First successful USAF launch of an orbiting satellite
10/5/1962 The Beatles release their 1st single, Love Me Do/PS, I Love You, and it's heard on Radio Luxembourg
10/5/1969 Art Linkletter's daughter leaps to her death, he says she was on LSD "It isn't suicide, it's murder"
10/5/1964 57 East Germans successfully escaped East Berlin in a tunnel under the Berlin Wall
10/6/1966 Murder conviction of Jack Ruby for killing Lee Harvey Oswald reversed on appeal
10/6/1913 First military aviator badges awarded
10/6/1866 Reno Gang first robs a train, Jackson County, Indiana
10/6/1976 Rick Dees' spoof of disco, "Disco Duck" goes gold and eventually hits platinum, only the 4th record to ever do so
10/6/1973 Yom Kippur War: Israel is attacked by Egypt, Syria, Iraq, North Korea and Cuban troops
10/7/1957 RCA gets a million orders for Elvis Presley's Christmas album, but had only made 200,000 copies
10/7/1949 USAF reports availability of atomic bombs for immediate use if needed
10/7/1957 Russia announces it has tested a hydrogen bomb
10/7/1989 Final national broadcast of American Bandstand after 32 years
10/8/40 RAF announces formation of first WW2 squadron composed of US volunteers, the Eagle Squadron
10/8/1966 LSD is made illegal in the US as "a dangerous and illegal substance"
10/9/2017 Columbus Day (2nd Monday of October), US government offices closed, Thanksgiving Day in Canada
10/9/1883 US Congress sets transcontinental railroad gauge at 4 feet 8-1/2 inches, matching wagon wheel axles
10/9/1918 Over 250 bombers and 100 pursuit planes attack enemy in France
10/10/47 Patent issued for Norden Bombsight invented in 1930 but kept secret for 17 years
10/10/62 BBC bans Boris Pickett's Monster Mash as "offensive" to minorities and the handicapped
10/10/1966 US Sec. of Defense arrives in Siagon, South Vietnam, for military review
10/11/58 Pioneer 1 lunar probe launched by USAF
10/11/75 1st broadcast of NBC's Saturday Night Live, host George Carlin. The following week Simon & Garfunkel 
         reunite to sing on the show
10/12/1971 Iran begins lavish 3-day celebration of the 2500th anniversary of its founding as Persia
10/12/1918 First night air pursuit operations by American pilots in France
10/12/1957 Queen Elizabeth arrives in Ottawa for a visit to Canada and the USA
10/12/62 A local group known as The Beatles open for headliner Little Richard in Liverpool
10/12/69 "Turn me on, dead man" is heard by playing a Beatles song backwards on the air
10/12/73 Elton John album Goodbye Yellow Brick Road goes gold, his 3rd hit album
10/13/25 Margaret Thatcher born
10/13/57 Little Richard flies to Los Angeles to be baptized after renouncing "rock & roll" music
10/14/47 First Mach One flight, Chuck Yeager breaks the sound barrier in secret tests
10/14/72 The themesong of horror movie "Ben" by 13-year-old Michael Jackson hits #1 on the popchart
10/15/1958 The X-15 research aircraft unveiled
10/15/1991 US Senate approves Clarence Thomas's appointment to the Supreme Court
10/15/1964 British rock star Screaming Lord Sutch runs for Parliament
10/15/1973 The Supreme Court refuses to rule on the FCC's right to order radio stations to censor song lyrics
10/16/1917 Final tests of Army's airplane radio at distance of 25 miles, maximum due to curvature of Earth
10/16/1962 President Kennedy told that a U-2 plane had photographed Russian missile sites being built in Cuba.
           Robert Kennedy and the Joint Chiefs of Staff recommend attack and invasion of Cuba
10/16/1964 Khrushchev removed as head of Russia for "hairbrained scheming" an apparent reference to the Cuban
           Missile Crisis. Red China successfully tested its first atom bomb
10/16/1995 Washington DC Million Man March by Louis Farrakhan attracks a few hundred thousand people
10/16/2017 Boss's Day (third Friday of Oct), give yours a kiss
10/17/1995 Saddam Hussein reelected to another 7 year term as president of Iraq, there were no opponents
10/18/1984 First flight of the B-1b bomber, test flown in Area 51 of Nevada
10/18/1959 Russia announced the 1st photos of the Moon's far side by their Lunik III 
         satellite 3 weeks after the US announced TV video of Earth from Explorer VI
11/18/1949 Jackie Robinson wins the National League's Most Valuable Player award
10/19/2017 New Moon, werewolf threat level green
10/20/1911 Wright Army plane delivered to Smithsonian Institute
10/20/1976 Born-again Christian Cliff Richard get his first solo Top-10 hit, with "Devil Woman"
10/20/1977 3 days after releasing an album showing the Lynyrd Skynyrd band in flames, 3 band members are killed in a plane crash
10/20/1979 Born-again Christian Bob Dylan sings his new Gospel-rock song "Serve Somebody" on Saturday Night Live
10/20/1964 Herbert Hoover died, president 1929-1933
10/20/1958 Red China resumes shelling of Quemoy Island, Tiawan, during cease fire agreement with US Navy 
10/21/1961 Bob Dylan records his 1st album at a cost of $400, accompanied only by his guitar & harmonica, he
           signs his tax form as Blind Boy Grunt
10/21/1966 The Who performs songs from their latest album including "Batman Theme" with smoke and flash powder
10/21/2016 Kevin Meaney died (born 1956) comedian/actor "Big Pants People" song "I Don't Care"
10/21/1959 US Army space research and activities turned over to NASA
10/21/1971 President Nixon appoints William Rehnquist and Lewis Powell, Jr. to the Supreme Court
10/22/1952 Patricia Ann Reagan born
10/22/1955 The F-105A hit Mach One on its first flight
10/22/1962 JFK announces the discovery of missiles in Cuba and says on all TV networks that a launch from Cuba
      would be considered an attack by Russia requiring a full retaliatory nuclear response upon the Soviet Union,
      during the speech US forces worldwide go to DEFCOM 3 and US Navy begins blockage around Cuba
10/23/1983 President Reagan is informed of Marine base bombed in Beirut by Islamic extremists
10/23/1958 Nobel Prize awarded to author of "Doctor Zhivago" though novel is banned in his native Soviet Russia
10/24    United Nations Day, Summer officially ends in Europe
10/24/1962 JFK receives telegram from Khrushchev that Russian ships will not recognize the US blockade of Cuba
10/25/1962 Red China announces that its 650,000,000 people are standing by Cuba
10/25/1942 US planes bomb Japanese occupied Hong Kong
10/25/1949 Ted Williams wins the American League's Most Valuable Player award
10/25/1965 Un-manned Agena rocket intended to rendevous with Gemini 6 has "catastrophic failure" minutes after
           launch, no one is killed
10/26/1962 US goes to DEFCOM 2 during Cuban Missile Crisis, twenty-three nuclear-armed B-52s fly toward Russia and
           circle in holding pattern within striking distance, plus 145 nuclear ICBMs ready to launch immediately.
           Khrushchev sends a long text message by teletype to JFK offering to end it if JFK promises no invasion
10/26/1966 President Johnson visits US troops in South Vietnam on tour of Asia
10/26/1909 First US Army officer solos in an airplane after 3 days of lessons by Wilbur Wright
10/26/1996 New York Yankees win the World Series, defeating the Atlanta Braves in Game 6
10/26/1971 The UN votes to admit Communist China and expel Formosa (Tiawan)
10/27/1962 Cuba shoots down a U-2 plane flying from Florida, Khrushchev says the order came from Raul Castro. The
           CIA reports that Russian missiles in Cuba are now fully operational. US Navy attacks a Soviet submarine
           under orders to use its 15-kiloton nuclear weapons if attacked, but one of the 3 Soviet officers aboard
           required to give the order refused "A guy called Vasili Arkhipov saved the world," Thomas Blanton (NSA)
10/27/1904 First New York subway opens
10/27/1956 Frogman Clarence Henry's "Ain't Got No Home" is released and become a hit
10/27/1957 Devaluation of the French franc extended to all imports
10/28/1924 US Army planes broke up a cloud formation with electrified sand
10/28/1962 Khrushchev announces on Radio Moscow that the missiles in Cuba will be dismantled and removed
10/30/1919 Reversible pitch propeller tested
10/30/1972 Elton John becomes the 1st rocker to give a command performance for Queen Elizabeth II since the 
         Beatles in 1963, he would later get $1,000,00 to sing at Rush Limbaugh's wedding
10/30/1978 Animated primetime movie "KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park" airs on NBC
10/30/1995 Voters in Quebec narrowly vote down a proposal for independent sovereignty from Canada
10/31/1968 President Johnson orders suspension of bombing in North Vietnam
10/31    Halloween, lock your doors, lock your windows
11/1    All Saints Day
11/1/1954 Last B-29 bomber retired by the USAF
11/1/1964 Six B-57 bombers were destroyed by a guerrilla attack on a US Air Base near Saigon
11/1/1966 Three Elvis Presley albums go Gold today, his 1956 debut album and its two sequels
11/1/1971 Egyptian President Sadat took personal control of the military
11/1/1980 CSX Corporation formed, merging several railroads
11/2    Day of the Dead / All Souls Day (Mexico) Día de Muertos
This week's movies on HBO & Cinemax
Check out Area 51 plus the previous 50 Areas

Here's some advice from your friendly stock broker:
#1. The market is going up, buy stock because you don’t want to miss out
#2. The market is going down, buy stocks because they are cheaper and it’s a great buying opportunity!

6/19/2016 Anton Yelchin died (27) Russian-born actor best known for playing Chekov in recent two Star Trek films and a recent Terminator movie as Kyle Reese. He got out of his car in his driveway when it accidentally rolled crushing him. His family filed suit against Chrysler on August 2 for not issuing a recall for the known defect
Google announced new computer keyboard on April 1 2016, for people in Japan addicted to smart phones
The Wizard Of Oz in 5 minutes

As reviewed by a guy stuck in space with two robots named Crow and Tom Servo
Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
Monstervision's Joe Bob Briggs started on The Movie Channel: TMC schedule
"While other people come upon roadkill and see a dead animal, I see a new hat" Beth Beverly, Taxidermist
Half of the DNA in humans and bananas is the same, does that mean we are all half bananas?

Ray Harryhausen's legendary stop-motion creatures defined blockbuster special effects for decades and inspired entire generations of filmmakers. He died May 7th, 2013 at the age of 92.
Other deaths in 2013 included Tom Laughlin, star of the Bill Jack movies, and Peter O'Toole, costar of Supergirl movie and "My Favorite Year."

Note: Joe Bob's video host segments for "Blood Feast" have been added to the Blood & Donuts page cause I can't remember where I put the transcript for Blood Feast
"Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff" Frank Zappa
Click here for the planet Alderran from the 1st Star Wars movie. The Shadow Knows
Peter Graves of Mission Impossible (TV-series) and the movie Airplane, has died. His son tried to help but to no avail. Walter Koenig's son Andrew, a childstar on "Growing Pains" as Boner, has been found dead of suicide. Members of the cast of Star Trek and Growing Pains have sent their sympathy to the family; he had been treated for depression and went off his meds. Walter Koenig asks that anyone wrestling with depression please get help or call someone

Josh Friedman (the Terminator TV series) is casting for a new Charlie's Angels TV-series on ABC and Moonlight's Alex O'Loughlin is close to an agreement to play the Jack Lord role in a new Hawaii 5-0. NBC has ordered several new pilots to fill the hole in primetime left by Jay Leno returning to the Tonight Show, including a new Rockford Files by the creator of TV's House, and a dramedy starring David Tennant (Who?) called "Rex Is Not Your Lawyer" (I hope that's just a working title). American Movie Classics is adapting "The Walking Dead" zombie comic book for a new TV-series on the cable channel known for Mad Men and Breaking Bad. Starz is already running episodes of Sam Raimi's "Spartacus: Blood & Sand," with Lucy Lawless (Xena) as a Roman vamp. Remember Terry O'Quinn from the Monstervision feature Stepfather 2? He's no longer Mr. Nice Guy on the TV-series "Lost." He told TV Guide in January 2010 that in the 6th & final season, his character's "on a mission and he's a dark presence, almost like the devil. The more the others know about him, the more fear he inspires."
Hey, are you kids watching Play-Mate Of The Apes?
There are former MonsterVision movies on the following entire-month channel's pages. Whenever possible, I have made the movie titles on these pages MonsterVision review/host segments links:
American Movie Classics ... Turner Classic Movies ... A&E ... History Channel ... Independent Film Channel ... Encore ... Starz ... Starz in Black ... Starz Edge ... Starz Comedy ... Encore's Mystery ... Drama and Action Channels and Wam ... HBO & Cinemax ... Showtime ... Showtime's Flix Channel ... The Movie Channel ... Showtime's Family Zone and Sundance ... Showtime #2 (Showtime Too), Showtime Showcase, Showtime Extreme, Showtime Beyond, Showtime Women ... Showtime Next. Showtime HD appears to be the same as Showtime ... Starz Cinema ... Starz HDTV ... Encore Westerns ... MoviePlex ... RetroPlex ... Starz Kids & Family and Encore's Love Channel ... SciFi Channel movies & TV-marathons ... USA Network movies. Bravo!
Fox Movie Channel no longer has monthly listings, just a non-text daily list on their flash website
See Dinner & A Movie page for upcoming TBS Dinner & A Movie (Fridays), Movie & A Makeover (Saturdays), TBS Movie Extra (Thursdays & Sundays)

Note: Star Trek The Next Generation is on the SYFY channel as well as WGN weeknights @ 10pm/1am EST. A and E has The Sopranos @ 2pm Mon-Fri, and Family Channel has 2 eps of Sabrina The Teenage Witch @ 2pm Mon-Fri

Zombieland full-length trailer #2

There are no zombies in Washington DC because they eat brains

I don't care what you've heard, most of Air America Radio's programs are still on the air

In August 2009, Nancy Pelosi said that people opposed to the government health care plan are un-American Nazis

Watch Dracula and his Vampire Brides in its entirety courtesy of YouTube, starring Christopher Lee for Hammer Films
Note: The SciFi Channel is changing its name to SYFY, don't ask me why why. Maybe it goes better with professional wrestling
ABC has the TV rights to "The Witches Of Eastwick" and has turned it into a TV-series similar to Desperate Housewives titled simply "Eastwick." Tom Cruise has agreed to do Mission Impossible 4 as producer. Click here to please Zardoz.

He's Always Russian Around

Alright, some of you turkeys still don't know what "Bimbo" means. Maybe this video will help

What's Russian for Zsa Zsa?

Have you ever been talking on the phone and forgot somebody's name? Perhaps it would help to have your brain indexed. Google announced a new service on April 1st called Brainsearch which will allow Google to search your brain for you anytime you want to remember something. It is available only for cell-phone users at this time because it uses Beta waves:

John Wayne's opinion of gun control
Website Sizzler, including free ebook: How To Generate Quick Cash In An Emergency

Four U.S. helicopters crossed into Syria on 10-27-08 to blast a terrorist camp there. The leading helicopter was flown by a shirtless guy named Rambo, wearing boxing shorts

If the number seven is lucky than I guess it must really be lucky when the stock market drops 777 points in one day...it dropped 18% in one week, a higher percentage than it did on Black Monday 10-28-29, brother can you spare a dime?
A penny a day for a month, doubled, would be 1 cent times 30 days times two, or 60 cents! Here's a 31-day list of how much you would make if it doubled every day for 31 days

Want Monstervision episodes on DVD? Here's a fansite that appears to trade DVDs amongst its member for just the cost of postage: Latenightwingman.com

Make your own banners completely free of charge at IntantBannerCreator.com

Previous MonsterVision listings here (in 2010)

Review Me

Monstervision's 100% Weird

A full-color recreation of Joe Bob's Saturday Night homepage (1999/2000) is now viewable. The links all work now, I think.
BBC will stop playing April Fools Day pranks when penguins fly

Yes, that's Terry Jones of Monty Python as the host, 2008
How it was created

Of course, April is also the month of the annual Spaghetti Harvest

Did you forget to send an important email? Google now has a Gmail feature that allows you to send email as far back in time as April 1, 2004. Gmail utilizes an e-flux capacitor to resolve issues of causality. Click here for details. Posted by Google on April 1. The 1st day of April.

Check out the new ad for Indiana Jones 4 (2008)

MST3K is Back!   - RiffTrax

More weird videos posted at the Ripley's Believe It Or Not pages

1980s eps of Knight Rider have moved to MyRTN: Retro Television Network, available in 40 states so far

Click Here if you don't know what "Click Here" means
Click here if you think your job sucks. What's up, Tiger Lily?

MonsterVision Bios of Joe Bob and Honey the Mail Girl. And of course, Professor Joe Bob also has his own Q&A page

Joe Bob Briggs interview (January 2006) page 1, page 2...Interview with Mike Nelson of MST3000

----------------->>> The Mean Kitty Song <<<-------------------

The budget for Spider-Man 3 was around $350,000,000 making it one of the most expensive movies ever made. Not to be confused with the low-budget Lon Chaney, Jr. monster movie Spider Baby (1964, with the opening credits music narrated by Chaney himself)
Faster, Pussycat, Kill, Kill! (the lost scene)

Ed Wood (with Martin Landau as Bela Lugosi, as he was filming Plan 9 from Outer Space) is seen occasionally on AMC's sister station, Independent Film Channel

Joe Bob Briggs interview from November 2006 is now archived online

You've heard about it, check it out for yourself. The George Orwell spoof: Why 2008 won't be like 1984 put together by a fan of Obama

Clip posted at YouTube: Bob Denver intros Mysterious Island for TNT's MonsterVision

If this link doesn't work it's not my fault (no pathetic excuses)

Would you like to have Joe Bob speak at
your next meeting or corporate event?
Fill out this form, so that he can get back
to you with all the exciting details!

Aslan Take them The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe theatrical trailers swiped from
have been moved to the new
Chronicles of Narnia movie page
Aslan is on the move. Sequels coming soon

Check out Pirates Of The Caribbean 2 & 3 or the Flying Dutchman may get you with its kracken

Golden Age of Radio online including The Shadow and Doc Savage

Happy Halloween from Dr. Loomis
Webmasters, feel free to link to this entire page - http://www.Monstervision.org
There will never be popups or popunders here, though I do enjoy a good apple popover now and then if its cooked right

Remember, it's just Five Million Years To Earth

If you see any problems with this website, you'll have to check with the Dungeonmaster. The webmaster is taking a nap
Now available from Amazon.com Joe Bob Briggs narrates "A Double Dose of Joe Bob Briggs: "The Double-D Avenger" and "Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter" You can buy it at Joe Bob's new official site www.joebobbriggs.com and he'll even autograph it for you.

MonsterVision Rating System
G ..... General Audiences, all ages allowed
PG.... Profanity Guaranteed, all ages allowed
R ..... Restricted, no one under 17 allowed unless they like looking at nekkid chicks or bloody violence and can talk the babysitter into pretending to be their parent to get them in. Unless of course she's a psycho Sitter
NC17... No children under 17, cause this movie has X-rated sex or violence that Hollywood doesn't want to call X-rated anymore. The British & Germans have a number-based ratings system, and the French use one based on bleu cheese

Joe Bob Briggs bio from 1999 (he blooms anywhere)
There are books by Joe Bob Briggs available on the bio page, but none about Monstervision

Joe Bob's unlisted phone numberClick here for Joe Bob's secret home phone number

This vast website devoted to Monstervision built and maintained by half-vast fans

Best movies ever made by Japanese guys in monster suits...with links to Monstervision's host segments for "Godzilla" and "Godzilla vs Mothra" (Joe Bob just loved the tiny women who sing to Mothra)

A word from God

Big Trouble In Little China fans, for a free computer game based on your favorite movie, go to the Big Trouble In Little China computer game on the Wingkong.net fan website for free download. And don't worry if you don't get the rules right away, you weren't brought into this world to get it, Mr. Burton.
And here's Kurt Russell's opinion of Osama Bin Ladin.
Email: scifans@gmail

Click here to sign up for a weekly Email from Joe Bob, news you can't use, guaranteed. Want to drop Joe Bob a note? Send email to joebob@joebobbriggs.com

Longer version of that music the Phantom plays on a pipe organ

Click here for Christine (the movie review & host segments, not the demon-possessed car from Hell itself)

Or visit Boris Karloff, he's lonely

Kolchak, the Night Stalker page

Lock your doors, lock your windows, and click here for the "Halloween" movies

Halloween is 20 years old, happy birthday!

Animated graphics © 2003 by The Animation Factory.

Be vewy vewy qwiet. I'm hunting wabbits. Bad, bad talking-cat

® Monstervision is a registered trademark of nobody

This electric site
Help keep this on a popup-free website. Buy something from our sponsors!
Click here to hear your computer scream again

Or here for Return of the Living Dead

Please note: this website is for intelligent people, not this guy
Was that the boogie-man?

Guess who's coming to dinner

Welcome to the party, pal

Monstervision Error 404 Page (it's fun)

See anything on this page you don't like? Contact the Webmaster. Not to be confused with the Puppet Master. Whatever you do, for God's sake, don't attempt to contact the zombie/undead "Puppet Master." You've been warned. That's all I can do.

Episodes of Wierd Science can be seen on Starz channel "Wam" What do you little maniacs want to do first?

The Visitors are coming to the Sci-Fi Channel in a remake of "V" with Robert Englund of Nightmare On Elm Street as a "friendly" alien

Greetings from The Visitors

Hamster Dance!

Or visit the Neko homepage

Click here if you want to be a spammer

Note: if you want to printout this page, be sure your printer is set to black ink & no background. And that it has ink in it. And paper


What was the question again?

42% of all statistics are fake

10 Reasons Not To Kill George Bush

Your uncle was a monkey, swinging through the trees
Or don't you believe in Human origins?

Willard! There are rats in the basement!

"The majority is always wrong" - Steve McQueen
Terrorists are not cowards, they're the enemy...Annihilate them
Joe Bob Briggs

They're creepy and they're kooky, mysterious and ookie, they're altogether spooky, the Addams Family.

It's A Joke, Son (256k video mp4)

Important Note: This is not a chain letter. It was not started decades ago in the Netherlands, nor was it perpetrated centuries ago by some deranged monk on Easter Island (which is highly unlikely in the first place, since EMACS only works on smart display terminals, and they weren't available on Easter Island back then, due largely to the U.S. state department's vigorous ban on exportation of advanced technology to deranged monks on equatorial islands).

There is no luck associated with this letter. Hence, it is pointless to send five copies of this letter to people you like. In fact, it is vigorously discouraged, since, by sending this letter through the postal service, you are needlessly burdening an already overworked system. You also increase the chance of the postal service losing mail. Murphy's Law will take effect here, resulting in your letter being delivered the next day, and a Red Cross package to a needy individual in Zimbabwe to be accidentally re-routed to Hackensack, New Jersey, thus becoming lost forever. You do not stand a chance, however, of displacing any junk mail.

If you break the chain, and fail to send five copies of this letter to other unfortunate individuals, then absolutely nothing extraordinary will happen to you. If, on the other hand, you do propagate five copies of this letter, then absolutely nothing extraordinary will happen to you, either.

"The Freaks" start doing the gooble gobble chant at a wedding reception (1932). By the way, this movie was banned in Britain for 30 years, and even the ending was edited out before it was released in America, and the ending on the storyboard wasn't approved for filming (it involved an ax and a bag of feathers)

People who think logically are a nice contrast to the rest of the world
Nine of ten people suffer from hemorrhoids. Do the others enjoy them?

"If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, Sweetheart," said the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready."
"Good, what are we having for breakfast?" asked the new husband.
"Toast and juice," she replied.

The drive-in will never die!!!

"MonsterVision" was cancelled by the ungrateful weasels at TNT
Later gator,
Joe Bob

"Don't believe anything you read on the net. Except this. Well, including this, I suppose." Douglas Adams (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

More Blonde Jokes:
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tripped over the cordless phone.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind.
She told someone to meet her at the corner of WALK and DON'T WALK.
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius."
If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes happened around the home, she moved.
Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? ...It took her months to figure out she could use it at night.
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? ..."Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice? ...Because it said "concentrate."
Why can't blondes take coffee breaks? They're too hard to retrain.
What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle? A dope ring.
Why can't blondes be pharmacists? Because they can't fit the bottle in the typewriter.
What's the definition of eternity? 4 blondes at a 4-way stop.
What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean? An air pocket.
What do you call a basement full of blondes? A whine cellar.
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts? "This Goes In Front."
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? "Oh, look!! Donut seeds!
"When I went to Wal-Mart for the first time...I always thought they sold wallpaper. I didn't realize it was everything. You can get anything you want there for really, really cheap." Paris Hilton

Many more blonde jokes

The latest blond joke is in the Miss Teenage America contest from someplace on the maps known as Carolina (not near Asian countries or the Iraq) and all of you U.S. Americans can see it here

What's the difference between Congress and a clown college? Some people still respect clowns

Heroes of 9/11 and 3000 Names

This page © the great and powerful Bill Laidlaw. Coca Cola has been 100% cocaine-free since 1929, when they replaced it with caffeine.

In February 2008 two thieves with knives invaded the north Texas home of 80 year old James Pickett but he got so mad when one of them said something bad about John Wayne he put them both in the hospital with cracked heads. Them's fightin' words!

Legal crap for this world wide website

Happy New Year from my cat
Fun fact: As of 1995, Yahoo.com had a indexed over 15,000 websites!

Some graphics on this page are from the Angelfire Graphics Library...That's the fact, Jack

Need a program to process windows media audio? Freeware available at this fansite (WMA, WMV and ASF)

Remember, a bird in the bush is worth half a bird in your hand, a word is worth one-thousandth of a picture, and the early worm gets eaten by a bird. That's my 2½¢ worth

Can't find any hosted bad movies to watch? How about hosted bad movie trailers...check out the website Trailersfromhell.com, they appear to have a different hosted bad movie trailer 3 days a week. After you hear the hosted version, click un-narrated version to hear the trailer's original audio, in all it's glory!

Playboy Magazine has a new edition for married people, the centerfold is the same every month
What has four legs and an arm? A pit bull.
What has four legs and an ear? Mike Tyson's pit bull.
What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker? "Hop in." The Drive-In will never die!

The use of solar energy has not been opened up because the oil industry does not own the sun
Ralph Nader (1980)
Sometimes it's hard to get a Taxi

Save the Sea Kittens
Is government a necessary evil or just plain evil?
"The nincompoops in my audience greatly outnumber the compoops"
Brother Theodore Gottlieb (1996) The Late Show
The chief characteristic of institutions is that if they have a purpose when they are started, it is forgotten as they mature"
Robert M. Hutchins
If everyone is thinking alike, then nobody is thinking
~~ Amazon.com sucks ~~
International Women's Day was created by The Socialist Party of America in 1909. Soviet Russia proclaimed it in 1922, followed by the United Nations in the 1970s.
In the USA they used paper dollars until the collapse of 2017 when everyone switched to digital beads
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