These movies continue to run on TNT, TBS, and even the SYFY Channel in their original form. Simply print out the host segments for the movie when it comes around and read Joe Bob's comments on each segment as you watch the movie. It's the next best thing to having Joe Bob on the couch next to you...
In addition to being Joe Bob Briggs on MonsterVision, John Bloom also appeared on Comedy Central's Daily Show to comment on Godstuff. John Bloom's Godstuff page at Comedy Central. John Bloom does most or all of his own writing
Today's schedule sponsored by Motel Hell, when only the very worst will do
This month, 2016
8/1/1966 A student at the University of Texas kills his wife and mother, then shoots 44 people from the university's 27-story tower, leading to the creation of America's first SWAT team by police, later a Kurt Russell movie
8/1/1942 Jerry Garcia born, singer. Ben & Jerry's Ice-cream named Cherry Garcia after him
8/2/2016 New Moon, werewolf threat level green. Go outside tonight to watch rocks falling from the sky
8/2/1892 Escalator patent granted
8/2/1961 The Beatles begin a two year run at The Cavern Club in Liverpool
8/3/1949 NBA (basketball) founded
8/3/1971 Ringo Starr's 1st solo hit goes gold: It Don't Come Easy. Paul McCartney forms new group Wings
8/3/1941 Martha Stewart born
8/3/1977 Tom Brady born
8/4/1901 Louis Armstrong born
8/4/1981 Congress completes President Reagan's 25% income tax cut bill
8/5/1981 President Reagan fires 11,500 air traffic controllers during illegal strike
8/5/1962 Marilyn Monroe born
8/5/1861 First Income Tax imposed, as a temporary war measure
8/5/1961 Warmest temperature on record for state of Washington, 118 degrees F. at Ice Harbor Dam
8/5/1979 Uganda offers a reward for capture of fugitive former dictator Idi Amin
8/6/1938 Isaac Hayes born, singer
8/6/1982 movie "Pink Floyd The Wall" premieres in New York starring "near-catatonic" Bob Geldof in a film with no plot or dialogue, directed by Alan Parker
8/6/1970 An antiwar concert on the 25th anniversary of Hiroshima is cancelled in Philadelphia after disappointing turnout in New York's Shea Stadium of just 20,000 paid tickets
8/6/1915 Allied commanders order an all-out offensive against Turkey at Gallipoli, resulting in almost 500,000 casualties. Winston Churchill was forced to resign from the Admiralty over the disaster
8/7/1782 George Washington creates first US military award
8/7/1560 Countess Elizabeth Bathory born, said to have tortured and killed over 600 girls and bathing in their blood in Hungary before being placed under house arrest in a tower room
8/7/1971 The Bee Gees have their 1st number one hit of 7 in the US, their only US hit without faletto singing style
8/8/1921 Esther Williams born, swimming movie star
8/8/1786 Congress approved the Dollar for US monetary system
8/8/1829 Stourbridge Lion steam locomotive first run, in Pennslvania
8/8/1980 The Plasmatics on tour are refused permission to blow up a car onstage in London
8/8/1981 Soul backup singer/songwriter Luther Vandross gets his 1st solo hit album & single
8/9/1974 President Ford inaugurated, replacing Richard Nixon who had resigned in Watergate scandal
8/9/1930 Warmest day on record for state of Tennessee, 113 degrees F. in Perryville
8/9/1978 blues legend Muddy Waters performs at the White House for a presidential picnic
8/9/1982 themesong of movie Rocky 3 "Eye Of The Tiger" goes gold as both single and album
8/10/1846 Smithsonian created, with a donated collection of kites
8/10/1999 Russia President Yeltsin replaces the Prime Minister with virtually unknown former KGB agent Vladimir Putin
8/10/1936 Warmest temperature on record in state of Arkansas, 120 degrees F. in Ozark, and in state of Louisiana, 114 degrees in Plain Dealing
8/10/1898 Warmest temperature on record in state of Oregon, 119 degrees in Pendleton
8/10/1909 Leo Fender born, founder of Fender Guitars, which was sold to CBS Records for $13,000,000 in 1965
8/10/1943 Ronnie Bennett of The Ronettes, singer wife of Phil Spector
8/11/1909 First SOS emergency signal radioed
8/11/1972 San Antonio declares Cheech & Chong Day
8/11/2016 Roma Downey (56) of "Touched By An Angel" tv-series got a star on Hollywood Walk of Fame
8/12/2016 annual Perseid meteor shower, tapering off to August 24. They will be in "outburst" in 2016, which means they'll appear at double the usual rates. This year, instead of seeing about 80 Perseids per hour, the rate could be between 150 and 200 meteors per hour, the first such outburst since 2009. Most of the streaks you see will be caused by meteoroids the size of a grain of sand burning up
8/12/1981 First personal computer (IBM), a kid named Bill Gates is hired to program it, which he is allowed to copyright for Microsoft
8/11/1972 U.S. quietly removes last ground combat unit from Vietnam, switching to air war
8/12/1936 Warmest day on record in state of Texas, 120 degrees in Seymour
8/13/1980 Masked thieves tie up Todd Rundgren and strip his house of valuables, one of them humming Rundgren's hit "I Saw The Light"
8/13/1971 King Curtis of The Coasters (Yakety Yak) stabbed to death outside his New York apartment
8/13/1981 President Reagan signs the biggest tax cut in US history, The Economic Recovery Act, to stimulate the economy
8/13/1951 Dan Fogelberg born, singer
8/13/1979 China announces one-child rule to decrease births to 5 per thousand by 1985
8/14/1945 V-J Day, Japan surrenders, though not recognized by Japanese forces in mainland Asia
8/14/1940 Dash Crofts born, singer/instrumentalist with Jim Seals, their 1st hit was "Tequila" using another name
8/14/1941 David Crosby born, of Crosby Stills & Nash (which is not a law firm)
8/14/1974 Paul Anka's "Having My Baby" goes gold despite boycott by feminists
8/15/1985 Prime Minister Gandhi of India announces plan to deport hundreds of thousands of Muslim illegal immigrants causing riots that killed 5000 people in 1983 alone
8/15/1769 Napoleon born, referred to by Nostradamas as the 1st of 3 anti-christs (his 2nd was Hitler)
8/15/1979 movie Americathon premieres, a hit satire in which the USA goes bankrupt billions of dollars in debt and has a telethon to raise money
8/15/1971 President Nixon announces wage & price controls, and suspension of US dollar to gold convertibility
8/16/1896 Gold discovered up north in Canada and Alaska, starting the Klondike gold rush
8/16/1953 James Taylor born, singer and anti-nuke activist
8/16/1979 one-hit wonder "My Sharona" by The Knack goes gold, #1 single & album the following week
8/16/1977 Elvis Presley found dead of natural causes at home on the bathroom floor 2 weeks after ex-bodyguards released a tell-all book about him
8/17/1977 FTD (Florists Transworld Delivery) reports the most flowers ever ordered in one day, by fans to be delivered to Graceland, home of Elvis
8/17/2015 Yvonne Craig died (78) as Batgirl in 1960s TV-series Batman she did her own stunts with fight-coordinator Bruce Lee, plus 2 Elvis movies and green-skinned Orion slave girl Marta in an episode of Star Trek
8/17/1807 First steamboat trip
8/18/1979 Muslims announced establishment of an insurgent government in Afghanistan
8/18/2016 Full Moon, lock Larry Talbut in his room
8/18/1872 First mail-order catalog issued
8/18/1977 75,000 fans show up for the funeral of Elvis, 150 people inside Graceland including Col. Parker in shirtsleeves and a baseball cap
8/19 National Aviation Day, also Orville Wright's birthday
8/19/1940 Johnny Nash born, singer "I Can See Clearly Now"
8/19/1980 Debut album of Christopher Cross goes platinum as well as the single "Sailing"
8/20/1942 Plutonium first weighed for a project in Manhattan
8/20/1948 Robert Plant born, lead vocalist for Led Zeppelin
8/20/1969 Frank Zappa disbands the Mothers Of Invention because people at concerts "clap for all the wrong reasons"
8/20/1981 Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band perform a benefit for Vietnam veterans in Los Angeles
8/20/1980 US government announces existence of stealth aircraft
8/21/1581 Spain founds city of Pueblo in America, naming it "New Mexico"
8/21/1941 Kenny Rogers born, country singer/actor "The Gambler"
8/22/1865 Liquid soap patent issued
8/23/1912 Gene Kelly born, just singin' & dancin' in the rain
8/23/1947 Keith Moon born (died 1978), of The Who
8/23/1949 Rick Springfield born, Grammy-winning singer
8/23/2016 Earthquake 6.2 hits central Italy, causing $billion in damage, aftershocks felt in Rome
8/24/1949 North American Treaty Org (NATO) established
8/24/1981 Mark David Chapman sentenced to "20 years to life" for murder of John Lennon
8/25/1954 Elvis Costello born, no relation to Elvis Presley though I'm not sure of Lou Costello
8/25/1877 Joshua Lionel Cohen born, founder of Lionel Trains
8/25/1979 jazz bandleader Stan Kenton died, his horn charts were also used in the rock music of "Chicago"
8/26/1950 Bob & Dick Cowsill born, of the singing Cowsill Family
8/26/1948 Valerie Simpson born, music composer "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" with Nickolas Ashford
8/26/1981 Lee Hays died, cofounder of The Weavers and cowriter of "If I Had A Hammer"
8/26/1765 Protests against the Stamp Act imposed only on colonies turn violent
8/27/1910 Mother Teresa born
8/27/1942 B.J. Thomas born, Grammy-winning singer "Hooked On A Feeling"
8/27/1942 Daryl Dragon born, son of a big-band leader and singer "The Captain & Tennille"
8/27/1982 Robert Plant's 1st solo album since Led Zeppelin broke up goes gold
8/27/1979 Lord Mountbatten killed by terrorists who blew up his boat off Ireland
8/27/1980 Police in Nice, France, arrest an extremist implicated in bombing a train station in Italy that killed 76 and injured 200
8/28/1753 The Liberty Bell set up in Pennsylvania Assembly
8/28/1864 US Post Office establishes first permanent Railway Post Office route
8/28/1830 First B&O train pulled by a steam engine, the Tom Thumb
8/28/1951 Wayne Osmond born, singer
8/28/1972 David Bowie & the Spiders From Mars perform at Carnegie Hall
8/28/1973 Monster Mash hits the Top 10 eleven years after original release by Bobby "Boris" Pickett,
by then working as a cab driver
8/29/1966 Beatles have their final live concert
8/29/1911 Ishi, last survivor of the California Yahi tribe, walked into Oroville and learned English, then demonstrated Indian customs and wilderness skills
8/29/1958 Michael Jackson born, singer with his older brothers in The Jackson 5
8/29/2016 Bank Holiday (UK, except SCT)
8/30 Cleopatra died this day in 30 BC
8/30/1935 John Phillips born, singer the Mamas & the Papas, which in 1982 included daughter MacKenzie Phillips
8/31/1983 Pres. Reagan talks to astronauts in orbiting space shuttle Challenger
8/31/1888 The body of Mary Ann Nichols found, first victim of Jack the Ripper
8/31/1945, Van Morrison born, singer
9/1/1985 Titanic located and photographed by Bob Ballard on the ocean floor 13,100 feet deep
Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
Monstervision's Joe Bob Briggs started on The Movie Channel: TMC schedule
"While other people come upon roadkill and see a dead animal, I see a new hat" Beth Beverly, Taxidermist
Half of the DNA in humans and bananas is the same, does that mean we are all half bananas?
Ray Harryhausen's legendary stop-motion creatures defined blockbuster special effects for decades and inspired entire generations of filmmakers. He died May 7th, 2013 at the age of 92.
Other deaths in 2013 included Tom Laughlin, star of the Bill Jack movies, and Peter O'Toole, costar of Supergirl movie and "My Favorite Year."
Note: Joe Bob's video host segments for "Blood Feast" have been added to the Blood & Donuts page cause I can't remember where I put the transcript for Blood Feast
"Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff" Frank Zappa Click here for the planet Alderran from the 1st Star Wars movie. The Shadow Knows
Peter Graves of Mission Impossible (TV-series) and the movie Airplane, has died. His son tried to help but to no avail. Walter Koenig's son Andrew, a childstar on "Growing Pains" as Boner, has been found dead of suicide. Members of the cast of Star Trek and Growing Pains have sent their sympathy to the family; he had been treated for depression and went off his meds. Walter Koenig asks that anyone wrestling with depression please get help or call someone
Josh Friedman (the Terminator TV series) is casting for a new Charlie's Angels TV-series on ABC and Moonlight's Alex O'Loughlin is close to an agreement to play the Jack Lord role in a new Hawaii 5-0. NBC has ordered several new pilots to fill the hole in primetime left by Jay Leno returning to the Tonight Show, including a new Rockford Files by the creator of TV's House, and a dramedy starring David Tennant (Who?) called "Rex Is Not Your Lawyer" (I hope that's just a working title). American Movie Classics is adapting "The Walking Dead" zombie comic book for a new TV-series on the cable channel known for Mad Men and Breaking Bad. Starz is already running episodes of Sam Raimi's "Spartacus: Blood & Sand," with Lucy Lawless (Xena) as a Roman vamp. Remember Terry O'Quinn from the Monstervision feature Stepfather 2? He's no longer Mr. Nice Guy on the TV-series "Lost." He told TV Guide in January 2010 that in the 6th & final season, his character's "on a mission and he's a dark presence, almost like the devil. The more the others know about him, the more fear he inspires."
Hey, are you kids watching Play-Mate Of The Apes?
Note: Star Trek The Next Generation is on the SYFY channel as well as WGN weeknights @ 10pm/1am EST. A and E has The Sopranos @ 2pm Mon-Fri, and Family Channel has 2 eps of Sabrina The Teenage Witch @ 2pm Mon-Fri
Zombieland full-length trailer #2
There are no zombies in Washington DC because they eat brains
In August 2009, Nancy Pelosi said that people opposed to the government health care plan are un-American Nazis
Watch Dracula and his Vampire Brides in its entirety courtesy of YouTube, starring Christopher Lee for Hammer Films
Note: The SciFi Channel is changing its name to SYFY, don't ask me why why. Maybe it goes better with professional wrestling ABC has the TV rights to "The Witches Of Eastwick" and has turned it into a TV-series similar to Desperate Housewives titled simply "Eastwick." Tom Cruise has agreed to do Mission Impossible 4 as producer. Click here to please Zardoz.
He's Always Russian Around
Alright, some of you turkeys still don't know what "Bimbo" means. Maybe this video will help
What's Russian for Zsa Zsa?
Have you ever been talking on the phone and forgot somebody's name? Perhaps it would help to have your brain indexed. Google announced a new service on April 1st called Brainsearch which will allow Google to search your brain for you anytime you want to remember something. It is available only for cell-phone users at this time because it uses Beta waves:
Website Sizzler, including free ebook: How To Generate Quick Cash In An Emergency
Four U.S. helicopters crossed into Syria on 10-27-08 to blast a terrorist camp there. The leading helicopter was flown by a shirtless guy named Rambo, wearing boxing shorts
If the number seven is lucky than I guess it must really be lucky when the stock market drops 777 points in one day...it dropped 18% in one week, a higher percentage than it did on Black Monday 10-28-29, brother can you spare a dime? A penny a day for a month, doubled, would be 1 cent times 30 days times two, or 60 cents! Here's a 31-day list of how much you would make if it doubled every day for 31 days
Want Monstervision episodes on DVD? Here's a fansite that appears to trade DVDs amongst its member for just the cost of postage: Latenightwingman.com
Did you forget to send an important email? Google now has a Gmail feature that allows you to send email as far back in time as April 1, 2004. Gmail utilizes an e-flux capacitor to resolve issues of causality. Click here for details. Posted by Google on April 1. The 1st day of April.
----------------->>> The Mean Kitty Song <<<-------------------
The budget for Spider-Man 3 was around $350,000,000 making it one of the most expensive movies ever made. Not to be confused with the low-budget Lon Chaney, Jr. monster movie Spider Baby (1964, with the opening credits music narrated by Chaney himself) Faster, Pussycat, Kill, Kill! (the lost scene)
If you see any problems with this website, you'll have to check with the Dungeonmaster. The webmaster is taking a nap
Now available from Amazon.com Joe Bob Briggs narrates "A Double Dose of Joe Bob Briggs: "The Double-D Avenger" and "Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter" You can buy it at Joe Bob's new official site www.joebobbriggs.com and he'll even autograph it for you.
MonsterVision Rating System
G ..... General Audiences, all ages allowed
PG.... Profanity Guaranteed, all ages allowed
R ..... Restricted, no one under 17 allowed unless they like looking at nekkid chicks or bloody violence and can talk the babysitter into pretending to be their parent to get them in. Unless of course she's a psycho Sitter
NC17... No children under 17, cause this movie has X-rated sex or violence that Hollywood doesn't want to call X-rated anymore. The British & Germans have a number-based ratings system, and the French use one based on bleu cheese
Joe Bob Briggs bio from 1999 (he blooms anywhere) There are books by Joe Bob Briggs available on the bio page, but none about Monstervision
See anything on this page you don't like? Contact the Webmaster. Not to be confused with the Puppet Master. Whatever you do, for God's sake, don't attempt to contact the zombie/undead "Puppet Master." You've been warned. That's all I can do.
This is not a chain letter. It was not started decades ago in the Netherlands, nor was it perpetrated centuries ago by some deranged monk on Easter Island (which is highly unlikely in the first place, since EMACS only works on smart display terminals, and they weren't available on Easter Island back then, due largely to the U.S. state department's vigorous ban on exportation of advanced technology to deranged monks on equatorial islands).
There is no luck associated with this letter. Hence, it is pointless to send five copies of this letter to people you like. In fact, it is vigorously discouraged, since, by sending this letter through the postal service, you are needlessly burdening an already overworked system. You also increase the chance of the postal service losing mail. Murphy's Law will take effect here, resulting in your letter being delivered the next day, and a Red Cross package to a needy individual in Zimbabwe to be accidentally re-routed to Hackensack, New Jersey, thus becoming lost forever. You do not stand a chance, however, of displacing any junk mail.
If you break the chain, and fail to send five copies of this letter to other unfortunate individuals, then absolutely nothing extraordinary will happen to you. If, on the other hand, you do propagate five copies of this letter, then absolutely nothing extraordinary will happen to you, either.
"The Freaks" start doing the gooble gobble chant at a wedding reception (1932). By the way, this movie was banned in Britain for 30 years, and even the ending was edited out before it was released in America, and the ending on the storyboard wasn't approved for filming (it involved an ax and a bag of feathers)
People who think logically are a nice contrast to the rest of the world
Nine of ten people suffer from hemorrhoids. Do the others enjoy them?
"If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, Sweetheart," said the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready."
"Good, what are we having for breakfast?" asked the new husband.
"Toast and juice," she replied.
The drive-in will never die!!!
"MonsterVision" was cancelled by the ungrateful weasels at TNT
Later gator, Joe Bob
"Don't believe anything you read on the net. Except this. Well, including this, I suppose." Douglas Adams (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
More Blonde Jokes:
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tripped over the cordless phone.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind.
She told someone to meet her at the corner of WALK and DON'T WALK.
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius."
If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes happened around the home, she moved.
Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? ...It took her months to figure out she could use it at night.
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? ..."Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice? ...Because it said "concentrate."
Why can't blondes take coffee breaks? They're too hard to retrain.
What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle? A dope ring.
Why can't blondes be pharmacists? Because they can't fit the bottle in the typewriter.
What's the definition of eternity? 4 blondes at a 4-way stop.
What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean? An air pocket.
What do you call a basement full of blondes? A whine cellar.
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts? "This Goes In Front."
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? "Oh, look!! Donut seeds!
"When I went to Wal-Mart for the first time...I always thought they sold wallpaper. I didn't realize it was everything. You can get anything you want there for really, really cheap." Paris Hilton
In February 2008 two thieves with knives invaded the north Texas home of 80 year old James Pickett but he got so mad when one of them said something bad about John Wayne he put them both in the hospital with cracked heads. Them's fightin' words!
Need a program to process windows media audio? Freeware available at this fansite (WMA, WMV and ASF)
Remember, a bird in the bush is worth half a bird in your hand, a word is worth one-thousandth of a picture, and the early worm gets eaten by a bird. That's my 2˝˘ worth
Can't find any hosted bad movies to watch? How about hosted bad movie trailers...check out the website Trailersfromhell.com, they appear to have a different hosted bad movie trailer 3 days a week. After you hear the hosted version, click un-narrated version to hear the trailer's original audio, in all it's glory!
Playboy Magazine has a new edition for married people, the centerfold is the same every month
What has four legs and an arm? A pit bull.
What has four legs and an ear? Mike Tyson's pit bull.
What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker? "Hop in." The Drive-In will never die!
The chief characteristic of institutions is that if they have a purpose when they are started, it is forgotten as they mature"
Robert M. Hutchins
If everyone is thinking alike, then nobody is thinking ~~ Amazon.com sucks ~~
International Women's Day was created by The Socialist Party of America in 1909. Soviet Russia proclaimed it in 1922, followed by the United Nations in the 1970s.
In the USA they used paper dollars until the collapse of 2017 when everyone switched to digital beads
Fun with audio: If you say "Thank you Satan" into your computer and play it backwards, it sounds like "Yes We Can"