These movies continue to run on TNT, TBS, and even the SYFY Channel in their original form. Simply print out the host segments for the movie when it comes around and read Joe Bob's comments on each segment as you watch the movie. It's the next best thing to having Joe Bob on the couch next to you...
In addition to being Joe Bob Briggs on MonsterVision, John Bloom also appeared on Comedy Central's Daily Show to comment on Godstuff. John Bloom's Godstuff page at Comedy Central. John Bloom does most or all of his own writing
Today's schedule sponsored by Motel Hell, when only the very worst will do
This month, 2017
9/1/1985 Titanic located and photographed by Bob Ballard on the ocean floor 13,100 feet deep
9/1/1959 Elizabeth Taylor agrees to make Cleopatra for $1 million, a sum she's sure is so high it will be refused so she can take a vacation without breaking contract but Fox agrees, it will be a costly mistake for them
9/1/1983 Pres. Reagan is notified that Russia has shot down a Korean airliner with 269 people onboard
9/1/1935 National Model Railroad Association (NMRA) founded in Milwaukee
9/1/1752 Liberty Bell delivered to Philadelphia
9/1/1939 Lily Tomlin born, Laugh-In's phone operator, movies 9 to 5 and The Incredible Shrinking Woman, voice of the eccentric schoolteacher in Magic School Bus cartoons
9/1/1957 Gloria Estefan born, singer
9/1/1982 Air Force Space Command established
9/2/2017 North Korea announces it has an H-bomb ICBM
9/2/1952 Jimmy Connors born
9/2/1951 Mark Harmon born, actor Deliberate Stranger
9/2/1964 Keanu Reeves born, "Point Break" and "Speed"
9/2/1968 Salma Hayek born, actress
9/2/1945 Japanese delegates aboard USS Missouri sign official surrender documents, VJ Day
9/3/1930 Thomas Edison runs first all-electric passenger train, Hoboken to Montclair (NJ)
9/3/1945 VJ Day declared for victory in Japan
9/3/1783 American Revolution ends
9/3/1925 WW1 German zeppelin renamed U.S. Shenandoah broke apart and crashed over Ohio, 14 dead
9/3/1983 Typhoon Ike hit 7 major islands in the Philippines, leaving 1300 people dead
9/3/1981 Nancy Reagan buys new White House china set with private funds donated for the purpose
9/3/1913 Alan Ladd born, actor "Box 13"
9/3/1944 Valerie Perrine, born actress
9/3/1965 Charlie Sheen born, bad-boy actor The Wraith
9/3/2017 North Korea set off an H-bomb test, United Nations Security Council went into emergency session
9/4/1930 Mitzi Gaynor born, actress
9/4/1951 Judith Ivey born, actress
9/4/1971 Ione Skye born, actor
9/4/1941 USS Greer attacked by German submarine 200 miles off Iceland, not sunk but Pres. Roosevelt
ordered Navy to attack any German warships on sight. It was not reported to the media at the time because FDR did not think the US was ready to declare war on Nazi Germany (see 10-31-41)
9/4/2017 Labor Day (US & Canada, first Monday in Sept)
9/5/1925 Warmest temperature ever recorded in state of Alabama, 112 degrees F. in Centerville
9/5/1847 Jesse James born, inspiration for "Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter," sequel to "Dracula Meets Billy The Kid"
9/5/1929 Bob Newhart born, movie "Cold Turkey" and Elf, "The Librarian"
9/5/1937 William Devane born, actor
9/5/1940 Raquel Welch born, movies Fantastic Voyage and One Million Years B.C.
9/6/2017 Full Moon, lock Larry Talbut in his room
9/6/1944 Swoosie Kurtz born, actress
9/6/1947 Jane Curtin born, Coneheads and Saturday Night Live
9/6/1620 Mayflower sets sail for the new world
9/7/1813 Uncle Sam born as US nickname
9/7/1999 Viacom announces it will acquire CBS, creating 2nd largest media company
9/7/1923 Peter Lawford born, actor
9/7/1926 Samuel Goldwyn born, "A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's printed on"
9/7/1936 Buddy Holly born, singer
9/7/1946 Jerry Zaks born
9/7/1951 Julie Kavner born, actress and a voice on The Simpsons
9/8/1760 Montreal surrenders to British in French & Indian War, end of "New France" in Canada, some Frenchmen are so upset they follow the Mississippi River are far south as it goes and settle in New Orleans
9/8/1922 Sid Caesar born "It's A Mad Mad Mad Mad World"
9/8/1925 Peter Sellers born "The Pink Panther"
9/8/1939 Frankie Avalon born singer/actor
9/8/1972 David Arquette born, actor
9/9/1776 Over 4000 people in US & Canada reported dead from a hurricane, N.Carolina to Nova Scotia
9/9/1925 Cliff Robertson born, actor Escape From L.A., "PT-109"
9/9/1941 Otis Redding born, singer
9/9/1943 Roger Waters born
9/9/1960 Hugh Grant born, actor
9/9/1828 born Leo Tolstoy
9/10/2017 Grandparent's Day, 2nd Sunday in September
9/10/1932 Maj. J. Doolittle set new air speed record, 294 mph
9/10/1999 Judges end forced school busing where it began 30 years previously for integration, in Charlotte, NC
9/10/1914 Robert Wise born, director of Star Trek: The Motion Picture, and Forbidden Planet
9/10/1953 Amy Irving born
9/10/1953 First TV dinner
9/10/1958 Chris Columbus born, actor Stepmom
9/10/1960 Colin Firth born
9/11 Patriot Day, flag may be flown at half-staff until sunset
9/11/1963 almost 50 inches of rain fell on Tiawan in 24 hours
9/11/1972 BART carries first passengers in Northern California
9/11/1862 O. Henry born, writer
9/11/1885 D.H. Lawrence born, writer
9/11/1940 Brian De Palma born, Carrie
9/11/1960 Ellie Oswald born (died 2005) mother of Clara Oswald
9/11/1962 Kristy McNichol born
9/11/1963 Virginia Madsen born
9/11/1967 Harry Connick born
9/11/1994 small plane aimed at the White House hit a tree outside the Presidential bedroom. The pilot was killed, his motives unknown
9/12/1888 Maurice Chevalier born, actor
9/12/1931 Ian Holm born
9/12/1943 Michael Ondaatje born
9/12/1914 Desmond Llewelyn born, actor (died 1999), Q in the James Bond movies
9/12/1944 US submarines sink 2 Japanese troop ships not knowing 2000 British, US & Australian POWs are aboard
9/13/1922 World record heat of 132 degrees F. set in El Azizia, Libya
9/13/1916 Roald Dahl born, writer Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory
9/13/1925 Mel Torme born singer/actor
9/13/1943 Frank Marshall born
9/13/1944 Jacqueline Bisset born, actress
9/13/1948 Nell Carter born
9/13/1857 Milton Hershey born...sweet
9/14/1814 Star-Spangled Banner flag raised
9/14/1944 Douglass A-20 flies into eye of hurricane for 1st time to gather scientific data and return
9/14/1974 hurricane Fifi came ashore in Honduras, leaving 8000 dead & 100,000 homeless in next 5 days
9/14/1936 Walter Koenig born, of Star Trek
9/14/1947 Sam Neill born, actor In The Mouth Of Madness
9/14/1914 Clayton Moore, actor (died 1999) TV's "The Lone Ranger." In 1981 a new, updated version "The Legend of the Lone Ranger" came out and its producers got a court order forbidding Moore from ever wearing the popular mask again. The resulting movie was funnier than Hercules In New York
9/15/1900 Over 8000 people reported dead from the Galveston Hurricane in Texas, deadliest US hurricane on record
9/15/1789 James Cooper born
9/15/1890 Agatha Christie born, novelist
9/15/1945 Ron Shelton born
9/15/1946 Tommy Lee Jones born, actor Men In Black, The Fugitive
9/15/1946 Oliver Stone born, movie director but not the twin of Tommy Lee Jones
9/15/1961 Dan Marino born
9/16 Citizenship Day (US), POW/MIA Recognition Day
9/16/1920 Unknown terrorists set off a wagon full of TNT on Wall Street, NY, killing 35 and injuring hundreds, crime is never solved
9/16/1999 Bomb blamed on Islamic militants kills 18 and injures 200 in Russia, one of 5 bombings there in 3 weeks
9/16/1924 Lauren Bacall born, actress
9/16/1925 B.B. King born
9/16/1927 Peter Falk born "Columbo"
9/16/1949 Ed Begley born, actor "Transylvania 6-5000" and "Meet The Applegates"
9/16/1956 David Copperfield born, the magician in Terror Train (1980)
9/16/1956 Mickey Rourke actor born, not David Copperfield's twin
9/16/1961 Jennifer Tilly actress born, Bride Of Chucky
9/16/1875 J.C. Penney born, store chain founder
9/16 Independence Day (Mexico)
9/17/1908 1st fatal airplane accident, Army officer killed & Orville Wright seriously injured
9/17/1928 Roddy McDowall born Planet Of The Apes and Fright Night and pilot movie for Rod Serling's Night Gallery
9/17/1931 Anne Bancroft born, Blazing Saddles, "To Be Or Not To Be" (Mel Brooks), Young Frankenstein
9/17/1948 John Ritter born, "Americathon," Stay Tuned
9/17/2017 Space probe Cassini destroyed when it fell out of orbit and crashed into the planet Saturn
9/17/1787 US Constitution signed
9/18/15 POW / MIA Recognition Day (third Friday in Sept)
9/18/1759 British capture Quebec in the French & Indian War
9/18/1906 Hong Kong hit by typhoon (hurricane) and tsunami, at least 10,000 dead
9/18/1920 Jack Warden born "Crazy Like A Fox"
9/18/1933 Robert Blake born, actor "Barretta" TV-sereis, "The Little Rascals," "In Cold Blood"
9/18 Greta Garbo born (she wanted to be left alone)
9/18/1851 first New York Times
9/19/1985 Mexico hit by 8.1 earthquake, damage & aftershocks kill 25,000
9/19/2017 Federal Reserve votes to raise interest rates, or not
9/19/1929 Adam West born, tv's Batman (died 2017)
9/19/1948 Jeremy Irons born, weird actor? "You have no idea"
9/19/1964 Trisha Yearwood born
9/19/1778 first US federal budget passed, instead of shutting down the government
9/20/1850 President Fillmore signs 1st Railroad Land Grant Act
9/20/1950 USAF announces planned test of pilotless plane controlled from ground using TV camera
9/20/1928 Joyce Brothers born, therapist
9/20/1934 Sophia Loren born
9/20/2017 Rosh Hashanah begins at sundown
9/20/2017 New Moon, when the Moon is entirely in Earth's shadow
9/21/1866 H.G. Wells born novelist The Time Machine, War Of The Worlds and Empire Of The Ants
9/21/1911 Chuck Jones born, cartoonist for Warner Brothers
9/21/1947 Stephen King writer/director born, of Maximum Overdrive
9/21/1950 Bill Murray born of Groundhog Day, Ghostbusters, "Scrooged"
9/21/1957 Ethan Coen born
9/21/1968 Ricki Lake actress born, Hairspray
9/21/1957 Perry Mason first broadcast, starring Raymond Burr
9/22/1862 Emancipation Proclamation
9/22/1993 Amtrak train derailed on a bridge that had been rammed by a barge near Mobile ALA, killing 47
9/22/1950 First non-stop flight of Atlantic by a jet aircraft
9/22/1989 Losses totaling over $4 Billion reported from 12-day long Hurricane Hugo in the Caribbean and both Carolina states
9/22/1885 Erich Von Stroheim born, scary movie actor/director
9/22/1946 Paul Le Mat born
9/22/1954 Shari Belafonte-Harper actress/singer born
9/22/1960 Joan Jett born
9/22/1961 Scott Baio born Zapped, "Joanie Loves Chachi"
9/22 First day of Autumn
9/23/1921 Battleship Alabama sunk in night & day bombing tests by airplanes
9/23/1874 East Broad Top railway first run
9/23/1920 Mickey Rooney born star of Silent Night Deadly Night 5, "Night At The Museum"
9/23/1926 John Coltrane born
9/23/1949 Bruce Springsteen born "Born In The USA"
9/23/1959 Jason Alexander born, actor
9/24/1968 TV series 60 Minutes first broadcast
9/24/1929 First blind all-instrument flight, by Lt. J.H. Doolittle
9/24/1896 F. Scott Fitzgerald born, writer
9/24/1936 Jim Henson born (died from walking pneumonia), creator of The Muppets
9/24/1941 Linda McCartney born, singer in "Wings" with that guy from the Beatles
9/24/1943 Julio Iglesias born, singer
9/24/1948 Phil Hartman born (murdered in bed by drug-addict girlfriend)
9/25 Gold Star Mothers Day
9/25/1789 Bill Of Rights
9/25/1918 Capt. Rickenbacker attacks 7 enemy aircraft, later awarded the Medal of Honor
9/25/1897 William Faulkner born, writer
9/25/1944 Michael Douglas born The Ghost & The Darkness, "Fatal Attraction"
9/25/1951 Mark Hamill born, original star of Star Wars and Time Runner, plus the Guyver and Scooby-Doo On Zombie Island
9/25/1952 Christopher Reeve born, star of "Superman," not to be confused with Supergirl or Superfly
9/25/1959 Michael Madsen born
9/25/1961 Heather Locklear born
9/25/1969 Catherine Zeta Jones born
9/26/1948 Olivia Newton-John born, singer/actress of Xanadu and "Grease"
9/26/1956 Linda Hamilton born of Terminator and Terminator 2 (she was busy when they made the 3rd one)
9/26/1985 Shamu the Killer Whale born
9/27/1959 Japan hit by typhoon Vera, killing 4464 people. Norm was hiding from her in Sam Malone's bar
9/27/1895 George Raft born, actor
9/27/1920 William Conrad born The Naked Jungle and radio's Matt Dillon in "Gunsmoke," one of best-known westerns
9/27/1922 Arthur Penn born
9/27/1934 Wilford Brimley born, actor Cocoon
9/27/1951 Meat Loaf born, singer/actor "Bat Out Of Hell"
9/27/1958 Shaun Cassidy born, actor Hardy Boys
9/28/1924 Marcello Mastroianni born
9/28/1964 Janeane Garofalo born, a big fan of The Bridges Of Madison Countynot!
9/28/1967 Moon Unit Zappa born, singer/actress who created voice of "Valley Girl" for her father's novelty song of the same name, starting the Valley Girl craze
9/28/1967 Mira Sorvino born
9/28/1972 Gwyneth Paltrow born, actress
9/29/2017 Yom Kippur begins at sundown
9/29/1942 Lt. Ronald Reagan sent to Burbank, CA, to make Army training films at Fort Hal Roach
9/29/1982 the 1st of 7 people die from cyanide placed in Tylenol bottles by unknown terrorist, safety seals added to all consumer products, killer never caught
9/29/1907 Gene Autry born, singing cowboy star
9/29/1908 Greer Garson born
9/29/1932 Robert Benton born
9/29/1935 Nelson Riddle born, composer of many TV themesongs including 1960's Batman
9/29/1942 Madeline Kahn born, bride of Young Frankenstein (Mel Brooks)
9/29/1948 Bryant Gumbel born, Ice-T's favorite newscaster (just kidding)
9/29/1957 Andrew Dice Clay born, star of the friggin movie Ford Fairlane
9/29/1899 Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW) established
9/30/1949 Berlin Airlift officially ends
9/30/1924 Truman Capote born, writer/actor "Murder By Death", "In Cold Blood"
9/30/1931 Angie Dickinson born "Police Woman"
9/30/1935 Johnny Mathis born, singer, no relation to Curtis Mathis
9/30/1957 Fran Drescher born "The Nanny"
9/30/1961 Eric Stoltz born, actor Anaconda and remake of The Fly
9/30/1971 Jenna Elfman born actress, sister-in-law of Danny Elfman
9/30/2017 Rosh Hashanah ends at sundown
10/1/1947 USAF launches first intercontinental missile
10/1/1995 Ten Muslims convicted for the 1993 bombing of New York's World Trade Center in 1993
10/1/1949 Mao Zedong founds the People's Republic of China
10/1/1903 first World Series played, rest of world not invited This week's movies on HBO & Cinemax or
Check out Area 51 plus the previous 50 Areas
Here's some advice from your friendly stock broker: #1. The market is going up, buy stock because you don’t want to miss out #2. The market is going down, buy stocks because they are cheaper and it’s a great buying opportunity!
6/19/2016 Anton Yelchin died (27) Russian-born actor best known for playing Chekov in recent two Star Trek films and a recent Terminator movie as Kyle Reese. He got out of his car in his driveway when it accidentally rolled crushing him. His family filed suit against Chrysler on August 2 for not issuing a recall for the known defect Google announced new computer keyboard on April 1 2016, for people in Japan addicted to smart phones
Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
Monstervision's Joe Bob Briggs started on The Movie Channel: TMC schedule
"While other people come upon roadkill and see a dead animal, I see a new hat" Beth Beverly, Taxidermist
Half of the DNA in humans and bananas is the same, does that mean we are all half bananas?
Ray Harryhausen's legendary stop-motion creatures defined blockbuster special effects for decades and inspired entire generations of filmmakers. He died May 7th, 2013 at the age of 92.
Other deaths in 2013 included Tom Laughlin, star of the Bill Jack movies, and Peter O'Toole, costar of Supergirl movie and "My Favorite Year."
Note: Joe Bob's video host segments for "Blood Feast" have been added to the Blood & Donuts page cause I can't remember where I put the transcript for Blood Feast
"Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff" Frank Zappa Click here for the planet Alderran from the 1st Star Wars movie. The Shadow Knows
Peter Graves of Mission Impossible (TV-series) and the movie Airplane, has died. His son tried to help but to no avail. Walter Koenig's son Andrew, a childstar on "Growing Pains" as Boner, has been found dead of suicide. Members of the cast of Star Trek and Growing Pains have sent their sympathy to the family; he had been treated for depression and went off his meds. Walter Koenig asks that anyone wrestling with depression please get help or call someone
Josh Friedman (the Terminator TV series) is casting for a new Charlie's Angels TV-series on ABC and Moonlight's Alex O'Loughlin is close to an agreement to play the Jack Lord role in a new Hawaii 5-0. NBC has ordered several new pilots to fill the hole in primetime left by Jay Leno returning to the Tonight Show, including a new Rockford Files by the creator of TV's House, and a dramedy starring David Tennant (Who?) called "Rex Is Not Your Lawyer" (I hope that's just a working title). American Movie Classics is adapting "The Walking Dead" zombie comic book for a new TV-series on the cable channel known for Mad Men and Breaking Bad. Starz is already running episodes of Sam Raimi's "Spartacus: Blood & Sand," with Lucy Lawless (Xena) as a Roman vamp. Remember Terry O'Quinn from the Monstervision feature Stepfather 2? He's no longer Mr. Nice Guy on the TV-series "Lost." He told TV Guide in January 2010 that in the 6th & final season, his character's "on a mission and he's a dark presence, almost like the devil. The more the others know about him, the more fear he inspires."
Hey, are you kids watching Play-Mate Of The Apes?
Note: Star Trek The Next Generation is on the SYFY channel as well as WGN weeknights @ 10pm/1am EST. A and E has The Sopranos @ 2pm Mon-Fri, and Family Channel has 2 eps of Sabrina The Teenage Witch @ 2pm Mon-Fri
Zombieland full-length trailer #2
There are no zombies in Washington DC because they eat brains
In August 2009, Nancy Pelosi said that people opposed to the government health care plan are un-American Nazis
Watch Dracula and his Vampire Brides in its entirety courtesy of YouTube, starring Christopher Lee for Hammer Films
Note: The SciFi Channel is changing its name to SYFY, don't ask me why why. Maybe it goes better with professional wrestling ABC has the TV rights to "The Witches Of Eastwick" and has turned it into a TV-series similar to Desperate Housewives titled simply "Eastwick." Tom Cruise has agreed to do Mission Impossible 4 as producer. Click here to please Zardoz.
He's Always Russian Around
Alright, some of you turkeys still don't know what "Bimbo" means. Maybe this video will help
What's Russian for Zsa Zsa?
Have you ever been talking on the phone and forgot somebody's name? Perhaps it would help to have your brain indexed. Google announced a new service on April 1st called Brainsearch which will allow Google to search your brain for you anytime you want to remember something. It is available only for cell-phone users at this time because it uses Beta waves:
Website Sizzler, including free ebook: How To Generate Quick Cash In An Emergency
Four U.S. helicopters crossed into Syria on 10-27-08 to blast a terrorist camp there. The leading helicopter was flown by a shirtless guy named Rambo, wearing boxing shorts
If the number seven is lucky than I guess it must really be lucky when the stock market drops 777 points in one day...it dropped 18% in one week, a higher percentage than it did on Black Monday 10-28-29, brother can you spare a dime? A penny a day for a month, doubled, would be 1 cent times 30 days times two, or 60 cents! Here's a 31-day list of how much you would make if it doubled every day for 31 days
Want Monstervision episodes on DVD? Here's a fansite that appears to trade DVDs amongst its member for just the cost of postage: Latenightwingman.com
Did you forget to send an important email? Google now has a Gmail feature that allows you to send email as far back in time as April 1, 2004. Gmail utilizes an e-flux capacitor to resolve issues of causality. Click here for details. Posted by Google on April 1. The 1st day of April.
----------------->>> The Mean Kitty Song <<<-------------------
The budget for Spider-Man 3 was around $350,000,000 making it one of the most expensive movies ever made. Not to be confused with the low-budget Lon Chaney, Jr. monster movie Spider Baby (1964, with the opening credits music narrated by Chaney himself) Faster, Pussycat, Kill, Kill! (the lost scene)
If you see any problems with this website, you'll have to check with the Dungeonmaster. The webmaster is taking a nap
Now available from Amazon.com Joe Bob Briggs narrates "A Double Dose of Joe Bob Briggs: "The Double-D Avenger" and "Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter" You can buy it at Joe Bob's new official site www.joebobbriggs.com and he'll even autograph it for you.
MonsterVision Rating System
G ..... General Audiences, all ages allowed
PG.... Profanity Guaranteed, all ages allowed
R ..... Restricted, no one under 17 allowed unless they like looking at nekkid chicks or bloody violence and can talk the babysitter into pretending to be their parent to get them in. Unless of course she's a psycho Sitter
NC17... No children under 17, cause this movie has X-rated sex or violence that Hollywood doesn't want to call X-rated anymore. The British & Germans have a number-based ratings system, and the French use one based on bleu cheese
Joe Bob Briggs bio from 1999 (he blooms anywhere) There are books by Joe Bob Briggs available on the bio page, but none about Monstervision
See anything on this page you don't like? Contact the Webmaster. Not to be confused with the Puppet Master. Whatever you do, for God's sake, don't attempt to contact the zombie/undead "Puppet Master." You've been warned. That's all I can do.
This is not a chain letter. It was not started decades ago in the Netherlands, nor was it perpetrated centuries ago by some deranged monk on Easter Island (which is highly unlikely in the first place, since EMACS only works on smart display terminals, and they weren't available on Easter Island back then, due largely to the U.S. state department's vigorous ban on exportation of advanced technology to deranged monks on equatorial islands).
There is no luck associated with this letter. Hence, it is pointless to send five copies of this letter to people you like. In fact, it is vigorously discouraged, since, by sending this letter through the postal service, you are needlessly burdening an already overworked system. You also increase the chance of the postal service losing mail. Murphy's Law will take effect here, resulting in your letter being delivered the next day, and a Red Cross package to a needy individual in Zimbabwe to be accidentally re-routed to Hackensack, New Jersey, thus becoming lost forever. You do not stand a chance, however, of displacing any junk mail.
If you break the chain, and fail to send five copies of this letter to other unfortunate individuals, then absolutely nothing extraordinary will happen to you. If, on the other hand, you do propagate five copies of this letter, then absolutely nothing extraordinary will happen to you, either.
"The Freaks" start doing the gooble gobble chant at a wedding reception (1932). By the way, this movie was banned in Britain for 30 years, and even the ending was edited out before it was released in America, and the ending on the storyboard wasn't approved for filming (it involved an ax and a bag of feathers)
People who think logically are a nice contrast to the rest of the world
Nine of ten people suffer from hemorrhoids. Do the others enjoy them?
"If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, Sweetheart," said the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready."
"Good, what are we having for breakfast?" asked the new husband.
"Toast and juice," she replied.
The drive-in will never die!!!
"MonsterVision" was cancelled by the ungrateful weasels at TNT
Later gator, Joe Bob
"Don't believe anything you read on the net. Except this. Well, including this, I suppose." Douglas Adams (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
More Blonde Jokes:
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tripped over the cordless phone.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind.
She told someone to meet her at the corner of WALK and DON'T WALK.
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius."
If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes happened around the home, she moved.
Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? ...It took her months to figure out she could use it at night.
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? ..."Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice? ...Because it said "concentrate."
Why can't blondes take coffee breaks? They're too hard to retrain.
What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle? A dope ring.
Why can't blondes be pharmacists? Because they can't fit the bottle in the typewriter.
What's the definition of eternity? 4 blondes at a 4-way stop.
What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean? An air pocket.
What do you call a basement full of blondes? A whine cellar.
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts? "This Goes In Front."
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? "Oh, look!! Donut seeds!
"When I went to Wal-Mart for the first time...I always thought they sold wallpaper. I didn't realize it was everything. You can get anything you want there for really, really cheap." Paris Hilton
In February 2008 two thieves with knives invaded the north Texas home of 80 year old James Pickett but he got so mad when one of them said something bad about John Wayne he put them both in the hospital with cracked heads. Them's fightin' words!
Need a program to process windows media audio? Freeware available at this fansite (WMA, WMV and ASF)
Remember, a bird in the bush is worth half a bird in your hand, a word is worth one-thousandth of a picture, and the early worm gets eaten by a bird. That's my 2˝˘ worth
Can't find any hosted bad movies to watch? How about hosted bad movie trailers...check out the website Trailersfromhell.com, they appear to have a different hosted bad movie trailer 3 days a week. After you hear the hosted version, click un-narrated version to hear the trailer's original audio, in all it's glory!
Playboy Magazine has a new edition for married people, the centerfold is the same every month
What has four legs and an arm? A pit bull.
What has four legs and an ear? Mike Tyson's pit bull.
What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker? "Hop in." The Drive-In will never die!
The chief characteristic of institutions is that if they have a purpose when they are started, it is forgotten as they mature"
Robert M. Hutchins
If everyone is thinking alike, then nobody is thinking ~~ Amazon.com sucks ~~
International Women's Day was created by The Socialist Party of America in 1909. Soviet Russia proclaimed it in 1922, followed by the United Nations in the 1970s.
In the USA they used paper dollars until the collapse of 2017 when everyone switched to digital beads