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Original Monstervision Drive-In page


Monstervision Movie Reviews and Host Segments, and 100% Wierd Listings for your viewing pleasure this month
Monstervision 1997 logo

Welcome to the Mostervision page.

FAQ (frequently asked question): What's the difference between Monstervision on TNT and Mystery Science Theater 3000 on the Sci-Fi channel?
Monster jokes "There are 3 types of people in the world - those who are good at math and those who aren't."

Past movies have included Star Trek 2: The Wrath Of Khan, all 3 Poltergeist movies (in a row, the same night), Back to the Future, Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, Stephen King's The Dead Zone and Christine, and even a couple of films they also made fun of on MST3K...
Following the Monster Vision movie or movies was a film that TNT considers "100% Wierd". Sometimes it has something to do with the evening's selection (2 Godzilla movies were followed by "All Monsters Attack") and sometimes not. Sometimes "100% Wierd" was just a short film, Bigfoot: Man or Beast ... which is about 50% wierd. Or the classic Japanese TV-series Ultra 7, or Gilligan's Island, which is just plain silly. Each summer, Professor Joe Bob Briggs would conduct his own Summer School

These movies continue to run on TNT, TBS, and even the SYFY Channel in their original form. Simply print out the host segments for the movie when it comes around and read Joe Bob's comments on each segment as you watch the movie. It's the next best thing to having Joe Bob on the couch next to you...

Books by Joe Bob Briggs are available from his Amazon.com direct link

In addition to being Joe Bob Briggs on MonsterVision, John Bloom also appeared on Comedy Central's Daily Show to comment on Godstuff.
John Bloom's Godstuff page at Comedy Central. John Bloom does most or all of his own writing

MonsterVision movies transcripts list so far

Today's schedule sponsored by Motel Hell, when only the very worst will do

This month, 2017

January 1 New Year's Day. If you still celebrate New Year's Day in April you're a fool
1/1/1942 born Country Joe McDonald, singer and Vietnam War protester
1/1/1944 US Strategic Air Forces in Europe activated
1/1/1962 The Beatles audition for Decca Records in London but Decca decides to sign another group instead, the Tremeloes
1/1/1980 Keith Richards awarded MBE by Queen of England. A singer since 1957 with 22 hits in England, his biggest in America were Devil Woman (1976) and We Don't Talk Anymore (1979)
1/1/1986 Milwaukee Road merged into the Soo Line railroad
1/1/1983 Sultanate of Brunei independence
1/1/2015 Mario Cuomo died (82) former governor of New York
1/2/2018 Full Moon, werewolf threat high - lock Larry Talbut in his room
1/2/2014 film producer Bernard Glasser died (89) Return of the Fly, Day of the Triffids
1/3/1971 8000-year-old cave paintings discovered in Egypt
1/3/2014 Phil Everly died (74) singer with the Everly Brothers
1/3/1966 Experimental B-70 bomber hit 2000 mph for 3 minutes
1/3/1964 The Jack Paar Show plays a video clip of The Beatles, predating their 1st live US appearance by a month
1/3/1945 born Stephen Stills singer
1/4/1941 Maureen Reagan born on Jane Wyman's 27th birthday
1/4/1942 born John McLaughlin, singer
1/4/1957 Military Air Transport Service brings 10,000 refugees to US
1/4/1954 Truck driver Elvis Presley meets Sam Phillips and records a 2-sided demo record in Memphis
1/4/1965 President Johnson tells a joint session of Congress of his Great Society plans to ends all poverty
1/4/1965 author and critic T.S. Eliot died (76)
1/5/1923 born Sam Phillips, record producer who met truck driver Elvis Presley in 1954
1/5/1975 The Wiz, a soul-music version of The Wizard Of Oz, opens on Broadway
1/5/1979 Briefcase Full of Blues by the Blues Brothers (Dan Aykroyd & John Belushi) inc. the song Soul Man goes platinum, reviving sales of the original version by Sam & Dave
1/6/1893 Great Northern Railway drives its last spike at Scenic, WASH
1/6/2014 "Miss Venezuela 2004" Monica Spear (29) shot to death with her husband on a highway in Venezuela
1/6/1957 Elvis Presley sings seven songs in 20 minutes on the Ed Sullivan Show
1/7/1929 "Question Mark", a Fokker C-2, flies a refueled record 150 hours 45 minutes without landing
1/7/1948 born Kenny Loggins, singer "Sittin' In"
1/7/1982 The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra gets a platinum record in America for "Hooked On Classics," a blend of 18th, 19th and early 20th century music to a disco beat
1/8/1933 Ronald Reagan gets 1st job as radio announcer, Davenport, Iowa
1/8/1935 born Elvis Presley (died 8/16/77) gold records for rock, gospel and Christmas music
1/8/1941 "Little Anthony" Gourdine born, 1950s singer
1/8/1957 Elvis Presley passes the Army pre-induction exam
1/8/1964 Air Force Cross awarded posthumously to Maj. Rudolf Anderson Jr., shot down during 1962 Cuban Missile Crisis
1/8/1947 David Bowie born, dropped real last name Jones to avoid confusion with actor Davy Jones of The Monkees
1/8/2011 Six people killed including federal judge John Roll, Congresswoman Gabby Giffords shot and almost killed, by an assassin who said "the world is really nothing, illusion" and had been stalking her since 2007 1/9/1915 born Les Paul, record holder for shortest song ever released, 2 notes long, as "Magic Melody, Part 2"
1/9/1944 born Jimmy Page, singer and a founding member of Led Zeppelin
1/9/1960 Egypt begins Aswan High Dam on the Nile, floods 22 archeological sites by 1970, some of which were relocated
1/9/1979 Hillary Clinton (67) begins political career as First Lady of Arkansas with husband Gov. Bill Clinton
1/10/1863 London Underground opens, of no strategic importance to the Great Intelligence
1/10/1943 born Jim Croce singer (died 9/20/73, just 1 year after his 1st hit) Time In A Bottle went gold in 1973
1/10/1945 born Rod Stewart singer
1/10/1946 Army sets world helicopter high altitude record, 21,000 feet
1/10/1981 Pirates Of Penzance, the only operetta written specifically for America by Gilbert & Sullivan, reopens on Broadway starring pop singers Linda Ronstadt & Rex Smith, who later reprise their roles for a movie version
1/11/2014 Jophery Brown died (68) stuntman in Die Hard, Predator, Oblivion
1/11/2014 Jerome Willis died (85) actor in Doctor Who (1973) and Space Precinct TV-series as Capt. Podley
1/12/1962 USAF begins spraying defoliants inc. Agent Orange over Vietnam in Operation Ranch Hand
1/12/1963 Bob Dylan records a play for BBC Radio as a hobo, including a song never released on a record
1/13/1965 President Johnson submits legislation to Congress to fix immigration policy
1/13/1942 Army Air Force test flies its 1st helicopter, the XR-4
1/13/1979 Donny Hathaway (34) fell or jumped from 15th floor hotel room, sang themesong for TV-series "Maude" He had been attempting a comeback by singing duets with Roberta Flack but suffered from psychological problems
1/14/1966 David Bowie releases his 1st single since changing his real last name Jones to avoid confusion with the Monkees
1/15/2014 John Dobson died (98) American astronomer
1/15/1919 In Boston, 21 people drowned in a 30 foot high wave of molasses when its tank burst
1/15/2017 Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Bailey Circus announced that it would go out of business in May; ticket sales fell by half after animal rights activists made them get rid of elephants. PETA took credit and said they will put zoos out of business next
1/15/2018 Martin Luther King Jr. birthday (observed the 3rd Monday of January)
1/16/2014 Harvey Bernhard died (89) producer The Goonies, The Omen, The Lost Boys
1/16/2014 Russell Johnson died (89) actor Gilligan's Island as The Professor
1/16/2014 Dave Madden died (82) actor The Partridge Family, Laugh-In, and radio series Adventure in Odyssey
1/16/2014 Hal Sutherland died (84) animator Star Trek The Animated Series (1974), cofounder of Filmation
1/16/1756 French and Indian War turns into the Seven Years War between Britain and France
1/16/1868 William Davis patents the refrigerator car to ship perishables by railroad
1/16/1957 The Cavern Club opens in a former wine cellar in Liverpool, England
1/16/1972 David Sevile (Ross Bagdasarian) died, creator & voice of The Chipmunks and Witch Doctor novelty records
1/16/1991 Persian Gulf War begins with attack on Baghdad by F-117A stealth fighters and B-52 bombers at night
1/17/2018 New Moon, werewolf threat level green
1/17/1871 The cable car patented, and still going in San Francisco
1/17/1957 BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) formed in San Francisco
1/17/74 Singer Dino Martin, son of Dean Martin, arrested for selling an AK47 machine gun to an undercover cop
1/17/82 Song writer Tommy Tucker (48) is overcome by fumes and found dead, refinishing floors in his home
1/18/41 born Bobby Goldsboro, one of opening acts for Rolling Stones in 1964
1/18/57 Three B-52s make world's 1st nonstop jet flight around the world
1/18/82 L.A. Mayor Bradley declares Bob & Doug McKenzie Day in honor of the comic SCTV characters
1/19/1910 First bomb run by an airplane, using 3 two-pound sand bags
1/19/1939 born Phil Everly, singer with his brother Don (Wake Up Little Suzie) smashed his guitar onstage when Don quit
1/19/43 born Janis Joplin singer (died 10/4/70) Ball & Chain
1/19/49 born Robert Palmer, singer with Genesis before he and Phil Collins went solo
1/19/46 born Dolly Parton, singer/actress "9 to 5"
1/19/2018 Hawaiians were under missile attack warning for 34 minutes, then notified it was a false alarm
1/20/2017 Donald Trump inaugurated as the 45th president of the USA, re-elected in 2020
1/20/1889 born Leadbelly (Huddie Ledbetter, died 12/6/49) singer "Goodnight Irene"
1/20/65 Alan Freed (42), the top ten DJ destroyed by the payola scandal hearings, dies of uremia
1/21/41 born Richie Havens, singer
1/21/59 Civil War folksong "Tom Dooley" becomes a gold record for the Kingston Trio, their 1st
1/21/66 George Harrison marries model Patti Boyd, for whom Eric Clapton later wrote "Layla"
1/21/82 Blues guitarist B.B. King donates his 7,000 rare records collection dating back 40 years to the University of Mississippi
1/22/35 born Sam Cooke (died 12/11/64) singer equally popular on R&B and Pop charts "You Send Me"
1/22/59 USAF determines that less than 1% of UFO sightings are of unknown origin in report later known as Operation Bluebook
1/22/66 These Boots Are Made For Walkin' by Nancy Sinatra hits the Top 100 pop chart, and eventually #1
1/23/73 Philadelphia radio station WMMR plays 12 minute of bells tolling to observe the Vietnam War cease-fire
1/23/58 A junta overthrew Venezuelan president Marcos Perez Jimenez
1/24/1941 Neil Diamond born singer
1/24/1965 Winston Churchill died (90) served 6 monarchs from Queen Victoria to her great-great-granddaughter Elizabeth II
1/24/1978 "Short People" by Randy Newman goes gold, his musical spoof of prejudice
1/24/2014 Lisa Daniely (83) actress The Invisible Man (1958 TV-series), Doctor Who
1/25/1955 British Railways announce plan to abandon steam engines
1/25/1971 Charles Manson and 3 female followers convicted of murdering Sharon Tate and 6 others in 1969
1/25/1976 An all-star Houston rock concert to benefit hurricane victims produces no net proceeds after expenses
1/25/1990 The SR-71 "spy planes" retired by Strategic Air Command, replaced by satellites in orbit
1/25/2017 Mary Tyler Moore died (80) Dick Van Dyke Show, Mary Tyler Moore Show, Thoroughly Modern Millie (1967)
1/25/2017 John Hurt died (77) The Elephant Man (a rare non-comedy produced by Mel Brooks), host to a monster in Alien and Spaceballs (1987), the War Doctor in Doctor Who (2013), and wandmaker Ollivander in the Harry Potter films
1/26/2018 Australia Day
1/26/1940 Ronald Reagan marries Jane Wyman
1/26/1957 Last P-51 fighter plane retired from service, donated to Air Force Museum
1/26/1957 Eddie Van Halen born, called "the 1st guitar hero of the Eighties" by David Lee Roth
1/26/1981 Autoamerican album by Blondie goes platinum, inc. singles The Tide Is High and Rapture, introducing reggae & vamp rap to the Top 100
1/26/2017 Mike Connors died (91) Armenian-American star of TV-series Mannix (1967-75)
1/27/1700 A huge tsunami (tidal wave) hit Japan after a 9.0 earthquake in the U.S. pacific northwest. Another such earthquake is expected in the Cascadia region any time after the year 1943 since such quakes have hit there an average of one every 243 years for the past 10,000 years
1/27/1967 Apollo 1 catches fire inside capsule on launchpad, killing all 3 astronauts
1/27/1965 Premier Hassan Ali Mansour of Iran assassinated
1/27/1958 Singer Little Richard enrolls in college after finding God when his plane caught fire over the Philippines
1/27/2014 Ann Carter (77) child actess Curse Of The Cat People (1944)
1/28/1973 Vietnam War cease fire officially begins
1/28/2017 Chinese New Year (2018 will begin February 16)
1/28/1945 The 8th Air Force launches 1000 plane raid on Nazi Germany
1/29/1958 Instrumental "Tequila" by Jim Seals and Dash Crofts, as The Champs, released
1/29/1979 A San Diego teenager shoots up her high school, killing 2, saying only "I don't like Mondays." It is immortalized in song by the Boomtown Rats
1/29/2014 Col. Meow died (2) Guinness World Record holder for cat with the longest fur, a Himalayan/Persian
1/29/2017 Two gunmen stormed an Islamic center in Quebec City, Canada, and opened fire killing at least 5
1/30/2014 Arthur Rankin Jr. (89) director/writer/producer, Rankin-Bass Productions holiday childrens TV specials, animated movie The Hobbit (1977), The Mad Monster Party, The Wind in the Willows (1987)
1/30/1969 The Beatles last appearance, on the rooftop of Apple Studios playing for the movie Let It Be, is cut short by police due to complaints of the noise by neighbors
1/30/1973 KISS plays its 1st live concert, though Paul Stanley says that 1st makeup looked more like New York Dolls
1/30/1982 I Can't Go For That by Hall and Oates hits #1 on the Disco, Pop and R&B charts, only the 4th record by white singers to hit #1 on the R&B chart since 1965
1/31/2018 Full Moon, werewolf threat high - lock Larry Talbut in his room
1/31/1935 Union Pacific's M-10000 enters service as City of Salina, a 3-car V-12 diesel powered train
1/31/1951 Phil Collins born, his Genesis began in 1972
1/31/1958 1st US satellite launched, Explorer 1 on an Army Jupiter C rocket
1/31/1981 "Sukiyaki" the only Japanese-language song to hit #1 in America (1963) hits #1 again, this time by female duo A Taste Of Honey
1/31/1956 born John Lydon, singer (known as Johnny Rotten when he was with The Sex Pistols)
1/31/1965 New York Welfare Dept. workers vote to end a 28-day strike
February 1 National Freedom Day
* "...the Government of the United States... gives to bigotry no sanction, to persecution no assistance. ...May the children of the Stock of Abraham, who dwell in this land, continue to merit and enjoy the good will of the other Inhabitants; while every one shall sit in safety under his own vine and figtree, and there shall be none to make him afraid. May the father of all mercies scatter light and not darkness in our paths, and make us all in our several vocations useful here, and in his own due time and way everlastingly happy." — Letter of George Washington to the Hebrew Congregation in Newport, Rhode Island [1790]

This week's movies on HBO & Cinemax
Check out Area 51 plus the previous 50 Areas

Here's some advice from your friendly stock broker:
#1. The market is going up, buy stock because you don’t want to miss out
#2. The market is going down, buy stocks because they are cheaper and it’s a great buying opportunity!

6/19/2016 Anton Yelchin died (27) Russian-born actor best known for playing Chekov in recent two Star Trek films and a recent Terminator movie as Kyle Reese. He got out of his car in his driveway when it accidentally rolled crushing him. His family filed suit against Chrysler on August 2 for not issuing a recall for the known defect
Google announced new computer keyboard on April 1 2016, for people in Japan addicted to smart phones
The Wizard Of Oz in 5 minutes

As reviewed by a guy stuck in space with two robots named Crow and Tom Servo
Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
Monstervision's Joe Bob Briggs started on The Movie Channel: TMC schedule
"While other people come upon roadkill and see a dead animal, I see a new hat" Beth Beverly, Taxidermist
Half of the DNA in humans and bananas is the same, does that mean we are all half bananas?

Ray Harryhausen's legendary stop-motion creatures defined blockbuster special effects for decades and inspired entire generations of filmmakers. He died May 7th, 2013 at the age of 92.
Other deaths in 2013 included Tom Laughlin, star of the Bill Jack movies, and Peter O'Toole, costar of Supergirl movie and "My Favorite Year."

Note: Joe Bob's video host segments for "Blood Feast" have been added to the Blood & Donuts page cause I can't remember where I put the transcript for Blood Feast
"Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff" Frank Zappa
Click here for the planet Alderran from the 1st Star Wars movie. The Shadow Knows
Peter Graves of Mission Impossible (TV-series) and the movie Airplane, has died. His son tried to help but to no avail. Walter Koenig's son Andrew, a childstar on "Growing Pains" as Boner, has been found dead of suicide. Members of the cast of Star Trek and Growing Pains have sent their sympathy to the family; he had been treated for depression and went off his meds. Walter Koenig asks that anyone wrestling with depression please get help or call someone

Josh Friedman (the Terminator TV series) is casting for a new Charlie's Angels TV-series on ABC and Moonlight's Alex O'Loughlin is close to an agreement to play the Jack Lord role in a new Hawaii 5-0. NBC has ordered several new pilots to fill the hole in primetime left by Jay Leno returning to the Tonight Show, including a new Rockford Files by the creator of TV's House, and a dramedy starring David Tennant (Who?) called "Rex Is Not Your Lawyer" (I hope that's just a working title). American Movie Classics is adapting "The Walking Dead" zombie comic book for a new TV-series on the cable channel known for Mad Men and Breaking Bad. Starz is already running episodes of Sam Raimi's "Spartacus: Blood & Sand," with Lucy Lawless (Xena) as a Roman vamp. Remember Terry O'Quinn from the Monstervision feature Stepfather 2? He's no longer Mr. Nice Guy on the TV-series "Lost." He told TV Guide in January 2010 that in the 6th & final season, his character's "on a mission and he's a dark presence, almost like the devil. The more the others know about him, the more fear he inspires."
Hey, are you kids watching Play-Mate Of The Apes?
There are former MonsterVision movies on the following entire-month channel's pages. Whenever possible, I have made the movie titles on these pages MonsterVision review/host segments links:
American Movie Classics ... Turner Classic Movies ... A&E ... History Channel ... Independent Film Channel ... Encore ... Starz ... Starz in Black ... Starz Edge ... Starz Comedy ... Encore's Mystery ... Drama and Action Channels and Wam ... HBO & Cinemax ... Showtime ... Showtime's Flix Channel ... The Movie Channel ... Showtime's Family Zone and Sundance ... Showtime #2 (Showtime Too), Showtime Showcase, Showtime Extreme, Showtime Beyond, Showtime Women ... Showtime Next. Showtime HD appears to be the same as Showtime ... Starz Cinema ... Starz HDTV ... Encore Westerns ... MoviePlex ... RetroPlex ... Starz Kids & Family and Encore's Love Channel ... SciFi Channel movies & TV-marathons ... USA Network movies. Bravo!
Fox Movie Channel no longer has monthly listings, just a non-text daily list on their flash website
See Dinner & A Movie page for upcoming TBS Dinner & A Movie (Fridays), Movie & A Makeover (Saturdays), TBS Movie Extra (Thursdays & Sundays)

Note: Star Trek The Next Generation is on the SYFY channel as well as WGN weeknights @ 10pm/1am EST. A and E has The Sopranos @ 2pm Mon-Fri, and Family Channel has 2 eps of Sabrina The Teenage Witch @ 2pm Mon-Fri

Zombieland full-length trailer #2

There are no zombies in Washington DC because they eat brains

I don't care what you've heard, most of Air America Radio's programs are still on the air

In August 2009, Nancy Pelosi said that people opposed to the government health care plan are un-American Nazis

Watch Dracula and his Vampire Brides in its entirety courtesy of YouTube, starring Christopher Lee for Hammer Films
Note: The SciFi Channel is changing its name to SYFY, don't ask me why why. Maybe it goes better with professional wrestling
ABC has the TV rights to "The Witches Of Eastwick" and has turned it into a TV-series similar to Desperate Housewives titled simply "Eastwick." Tom Cruise has agreed to do Mission Impossible 4 as producer. Click here to please Zardoz.

He's Always Russian Around

Alright, some of you turkeys still don't know what "Bimbo" means. Maybe this video will help

What's Russian for Zsa Zsa?

Have you ever been talking on the phone and forgot somebody's name? Perhaps it would help to have your brain indexed. Google announced a new service on April 1st called Brainsearch which will allow Google to search your brain for you anytime you want to remember something. It is available only for cell-phone users at this time because it uses Beta waves:

John Wayne's opinion of gun control
Website Sizzler, including free ebook: How To Generate Quick Cash In An Emergency

Four U.S. helicopters crossed into Syria on 10-27-08 to blast a terrorist camp there. The leading helicopter was flown by a shirtless guy named Rambo, wearing boxing shorts

If the number seven is lucky than I guess it must really be lucky when the stock market drops 777 points in one day...it dropped 18% in one week, a higher percentage than it did on Black Monday 10-28-29, brother can you spare a dime?
A penny a day for a month, doubled, would be 1 cent times 30 days times two, or 60 cents! Here's a 31-day list of how much you would make if it doubled every day for 31 days

Want Monstervision episodes on DVD? Here's a fansite that appears to trade DVDs amongst its member for just the cost of postage: Latenightwingman.com

Make your own banners completely free of charge at IntantBannerCreator.com

Previous MonsterVision listings here (in 2010)

Review Me

Monstervision's 100% Weird

A full-color recreation of Joe Bob's Saturday Night homepage (1999/2000) is now viewable. The links all work now, I think.
BBC will stop playing April Fools Day pranks when penguins fly

Yes, that's Terry Jones of Monty Python as the host, 2008
How it was created

Of course, April is also the month of the annual Spaghetti Harvest

Did you forget to send an important email? Google now has a Gmail feature that allows you to send email as far back in time as April 1, 2004. Gmail utilizes an e-flux capacitor to resolve issues of causality. Click here for details. Posted by Google on April 1. The 1st day of April.

Check out the new ad for Indiana Jones 4 (2008)

MST3K is Back!   - RiffTrax

More weird videos posted at the Ripley's Believe It Or Not pages

1980s eps of Knight Rider have moved to MyRTN: Retro Television Network, available in 40 states so far

Click Here if you don't know what "Click Here" means
Click here if you think your job sucks. What's up, Tiger Lily?

MonsterVision Bios of Joe Bob and Honey the Mail Girl. And of course, Professor Joe Bob also has his own Q&A page

Joe Bob Briggs interview (January 2006) page 1, page 2...Interview with Mike Nelson of MST3000

----------------->>> The Mean Kitty Song <<<-------------------

The budget for Spider-Man 3 was around $350,000,000 making it one of the most expensive movies ever made. Not to be confused with the low-budget Lon Chaney, Jr. monster movie Spider Baby (1964, with the opening credits music narrated by Chaney himself)
Faster, Pussycat, Kill, Kill! (the lost scene)

Ed Wood (with Martin Landau as Bela Lugosi, as he was filming Plan 9 from Outer Space) is seen occasionally on AMC's sister station, Independent Film Channel

Joe Bob Briggs interview from November 2006 is now archived online

You've heard about it, check it out for yourself. The George Orwell spoof: Why 2008 won't be like 1984 put together by a fan of Obama

Clip posted at YouTube: Bob Denver intros Mysterious Island for TNT's MonsterVision

If this link doesn't work it's not my fault (no pathetic excuses)

Would you like to have Joe Bob speak at
your next meeting or corporate event?
Fill out this form, so that he can get back
to you with all the exciting details!

Aslan Take them The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe theatrical trailers swiped from
have been moved to the new
Chronicles of Narnia movie page
Aslan is on the move. Sequels coming soon

Check out Pirates Of The Caribbean 2 & 3 or the Flying Dutchman may get you with its kracken

Golden Age of Radio online including The Shadow and Doc Savage

Happy Halloween from Dr. Loomis
Webmasters, feel free to link to this entire page - http://www.Monstervision.org
There will never be popups or popunders here, though I do enjoy a good apple popover now and then if its cooked right

Remember, it's just Five Million Years To Earth

If you see any problems with this website, you'll have to check with the Dungeonmaster. The webmaster is taking a nap
Now available from Amazon.com Joe Bob Briggs narrates "A Double Dose of Joe Bob Briggs: "The Double-D Avenger" and "Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter" You can buy it at Joe Bob's new official site www.joebobbriggs.com and he'll even autograph it for you.

MonsterVision Rating System
G ..... General Audiences, all ages allowed
PG.... Profanity Guaranteed, all ages allowed
R ..... Restricted, no one under 17 allowed unless they like looking at nekkid chicks or bloody violence and can talk the babysitter into pretending to be their parent to get them in. Unless of course she's a psycho Sitter
NC17... No children under 17, cause this movie has X-rated sex or violence that Hollywood doesn't want to call X-rated anymore. The British & Germans have a number-based ratings system, and the French use one based on bleu cheese

Joe Bob Briggs bio from 1999 (he blooms anywhere)
There are books by Joe Bob Briggs available on the bio page, but none about Monstervision

Joe Bob's unlisted phone numberClick here for Joe Bob's secret home phone number

This vast website devoted to Monstervision built and maintained by half-vast fans

Best movies ever made by Japanese guys in monster suits...with links to Monstervision's host segments for "Godzilla" and "Godzilla vs Mothra" (Joe Bob just loved the tiny women who sing to Mothra)

A word from God

Big Trouble In Little China fans, for a free computer game based on your favorite movie, go to the Big Trouble In Little China computer game on the Wingkong.net fan website for free download. And don't worry if you don't get the rules right away, you weren't brought into this world to get it, Mr. Burton.
And here's Kurt Russell's opinion of Osama Bin Ladin.
Email: scifans@gmail

Click here to sign up for a weekly Email from Joe Bob, news you can't use, guaranteed. Want to drop Joe Bob a note? Send email to joebob@joebobbriggs.com

Longer version of that music the Phantom plays on a pipe organ

Click here for Christine (the movie review & host segments, not the demon-possessed car from Hell itself)

Or visit Boris Karloff, he's lonely

Kolchak, the Night Stalker page

Lock your doors, lock your windows, and click here for the "Halloween" movies

Halloween is 20 years old, happy birthday!

Animated graphics © 2003 by The Animation Factory.

Be vewy vewy qwiet. I'm hunting wabbits. Bad, bad talking-cat

® Monstervision is a registered trademark of nobody

This electric site
Help keep this on a popup-free website. Buy something from our sponsors!
Click here to hear your computer scream again

Or here for Return of the Living Dead

Please note: this website is for intelligent people, not this guy
Was that the boogie-man?

Guess who's coming to dinner

Welcome to the party, pal

Monstervision Error 404 Page (it's fun)

See anything on this page you don't like? Contact the Webmaster. Not to be confused with the Puppet Master. Whatever you do, for God's sake, don't attempt to contact the zombie/undead "Puppet Master." You've been warned. That's all I can do.

Episodes of Wierd Science can be seen on Starz channel "Wam" What do you little maniacs want to do first?

The Visitors are coming to the Sci-Fi Channel in a remake of "V" with Robert Englund of Nightmare On Elm Street as a "friendly" alien

Greetings from The Visitors

Hamster Dance!

Or visit the Neko homepage

Click here if you want to be a spammer

Note: if you want to printout this page, be sure your printer is set to black ink & no background. And that it has ink in it. And paper


What was the question again?

42% of all statistics are fake

10 Reasons Not To Kill George Bush

Your uncle was a monkey, swinging through the trees
Or don't you believe in Human origins?

Willard! There are rats in the basement!

"The majority is always wrong" - Steve McQueen
Terrorists are not cowards, they're the enemy...Annihilate them
Joe Bob Briggs

They're creepy and they're kooky, mysterious and ookie, they're altogether spooky, the Addams Family.

It's A Joke, Son (256k video mp4)

Important Note: This is not a chain letter. It was not started decades ago in the Netherlands, nor was it perpetrated centuries ago by some deranged monk on Easter Island (which is highly unlikely in the first place, since EMACS only works on smart display terminals, and they weren't available on Easter Island back then, due largely to the U.S. state department's vigorous ban on exportation of advanced technology to deranged monks on equatorial islands).

There is no luck associated with this letter. Hence, it is pointless to send five copies of this letter to people you like. In fact, it is vigorously discouraged, since, by sending this letter through the postal service, you are needlessly burdening an already overworked system. You also increase the chance of the postal service losing mail. Murphy's Law will take effect here, resulting in your letter being delivered the next day, and a Red Cross package to a needy individual in Zimbabwe to be accidentally re-routed to Hackensack, New Jersey, thus becoming lost forever. You do not stand a chance, however, of displacing any junk mail.

If you break the chain, and fail to send five copies of this letter to other unfortunate individuals, then absolutely nothing extraordinary will happen to you. If, on the other hand, you do propagate five copies of this letter, then absolutely nothing extraordinary will happen to you, either.

"The Freaks" start doing the gooble gobble chant at a wedding reception (1932). By the way, this movie was banned in Britain for 30 years, and even the ending was edited out before it was released in America, and the ending on the storyboard wasn't approved for filming (it involved an ax and a bag of feathers)

People who think logically are a nice contrast to the rest of the world
Nine of ten people suffer from hemorrhoids. Do the others enjoy them?

"If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, Sweetheart," said the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready."
"Good, what are we having for breakfast?" asked the new husband.
"Toast and juice," she replied.

The drive-in will never die!!!

"MonsterVision" was cancelled by the ungrateful weasels at TNT
Later gator,
Joe Bob

"Don't believe anything you read on the net. Except this. Well, including this, I suppose." Douglas Adams (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

More Blonde Jokes:
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tripped over the cordless phone.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind.
She told someone to meet her at the corner of WALK and DON'T WALK.
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius."
If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes happened around the home, she moved.
Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? ...It took her months to figure out she could use it at night.
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? ..."Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice? ...Because it said "concentrate."
Why can't blondes take coffee breaks? They're too hard to retrain.
What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle? A dope ring.
Why can't blondes be pharmacists? Because they can't fit the bottle in the typewriter.
What's the definition of eternity? 4 blondes at a 4-way stop.
What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean? An air pocket.
What do you call a basement full of blondes? A whine cellar.
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts? "This Goes In Front."
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? "Oh, look!! Donut seeds!
"When I went to Wal-Mart for the first time...I always thought they sold wallpaper. I didn't realize it was everything. You can get anything you want there for really, really cheap." Paris Hilton

Many more blonde jokes

The latest blond joke is in the Miss Teenage America contest from someplace on the maps known as Carolina (not near Asian countries or the Iraq) and all of you U.S. Americans can see it here

What's the difference between Congress and a clown college? Some people still respect clowns

Heroes of 9/11 and 3000 Names

This page © the great and powerful Bill Laidlaw. Coca Cola has been 100% cocaine-free since 1929, when they replaced it with caffeine.

In February 2008 two thieves with knives invaded the north Texas home of 80 year old James Pickett but he got so mad when one of them said something bad about John Wayne he put them both in the hospital with cracked heads. Them's fightin' words!

Legal crap for this world wide website

Happy New Year from my cat
Fun fact: As of 1995, Yahoo.com had a indexed over 15,000 websites!

Some graphics on this page are from the Angelfire Graphics Library...That's the fact, Jack

Need a program to process windows media audio? Freeware available at this fansite (WMA, WMV and ASF)

Remember, a bird in the bush is worth half a bird in your hand, a word is worth one-thousandth of a picture, and the early worm gets eaten by a bird. That's my 2˝˘ worth

Can't find any hosted bad movies to watch? How about hosted bad movie trailers...check out the website Trailersfromhell.com, they appear to have a different hosted bad movie trailer 3 days a week. After you hear the hosted version, click un-narrated version to hear the trailer's original audio, in all it's glory!

Playboy Magazine has a new edition for married people, the centerfold is the same every month
What has four legs and an arm? A pit bull.
What has four legs and an ear? Mike Tyson's pit bull.
What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker? "Hop in." The Drive-In will never die!

The use of solar energy has not been opened up because the oil industry does not own the sun
Ralph Nader (1980)
Sometimes it's hard to get a Taxi

Save the Sea Kittens
Is government a necessary evil or just plain evil?
"The nincompoops in my audience greatly outnumber the compoops"
Brother Theodore Gottlieb (1996) The Late Show
The chief characteristic of institutions is that if they have a purpose when they are started, it is forgotten as they mature"
Robert M. Hutchins
If everyone is thinking alike, then nobody is thinking
~~ Amazon.com sucks ~~
International Women's Day was created by The Socialist Party of America in 1909. Soviet Russia proclaimed it in 1922, followed by the United Nations in the 1970s.
In the USA they used paper dollars until the collapse of 2017 when everyone switched to digital beads
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