These movies continue to run on TNT, TBS, and even the SYFY Channel in their original form. Simply print out the host segments for the movie when it comes around and read Joe Bob's comments on each segment as you watch the movie. It's the next best thing to having Joe Bob on the couch next to you...
In addition to being Joe Bob Briggs on MonsterVision, John Bloom also appeared on Comedy Central's Daily Show to comment on Godstuff. John Bloom's Godstuff page at Comedy Central. John Bloom does most or all of his own writing
Today's schedule sponsored by Motel Hell, when only the very worst will do
This month, 2018
3/1/2018 Purim began at sundown last night
3/1/2018 Full Moon, lock Larry Talbut in his room
3/1/1918 Congress finally passes Standard Time Act, recognizing Standard Time Zones created by the railroads 3/1/1872 Yellowstone National Park established
3/1/1961 Peace Corps founded
3/1/1946 General Spaatz designated Commander, AAF
3/1/1965 Petula Clark's 1st US hit "Downtown" goes gold
3/1/1957 Harry Belafonte's Banana Boat Song (Day-O) hits the British chart and sets off a British calypso craze
3/1/1944 Roger Daltrey born, volatile lead singer for the Who and star of movie "McVicar" (1980)
3/1/2018 Full Moon, lock Larry Talbut in his room
3/2/1964 The Beatles begin work on their 1st feature film "A Hard Day's Night"
3/2/1967 Grammy Awards include Frank Sinatra's Strangers In The Night, two Paul McCartney songs, New Vaudeville Band's 1920s-tyle Winchester Cathedral, and Neal Hefti's Batman TV themesong
3/2/1974 Stevie Wonder wins five Grammys for Innervisions, Superstition, and You Are The Sunshine Of My Life
3/2/1965 The Sound Of Music movie opens, eventually grossing more money than any previous movie and later sung by Lady Gaga in 2015
3/2/1965 Rolling Thunder offensive begins in Vietnam War
3/2/1950 Karen Carpenter born (died 2/4/83) of singing duo The Carpenters "Close To You" until her death from weight-obsession
3/2/1944 Lou Reed born, singer once bitten on his butt by a fan onstage, the fan was ejected from the concert
3/2/1785 The Illuminati outlawed in Bavaria and its members ordered killed, sending them into hiding. Later, Napoleon outlawed the Illuminati in France also
3/3/1857 Telephone patent granted, though inventor Alexander Graham Bell eventually had it removed from his house because it interrupted his experiments
3/3/1954 The Drifters' 2nd hit "Such A Night" hits #5 and is also released in April by white singer Johnie Ray, then is banned in May for the sexually suggestive "Just the thought of your kiss sets me afire, I reminisce and I'm filled with desire"
3/3/1923 Time Magazine first published
3/4/1837 City of Chicago incorporated
3/4/1952 Ronald and Nancy Reagan married
3/4/1966 F-4c Phantoms attacked by MIG17 in 1st air combat over Vietnam
3/4/1966 John Lennon tells a London newspaper "Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink...We're more popular than Jesus Christ right now."
3/5/1770 British soldiers attacked by mob, open fire on them, The Boston Massacre
3/5/1966 Sgt. Barry Sadler's "The Ballad of the Green Berets" replaces Nancy Sinatra's These Boots Are Made For Walking as #1 pop single
3/5/1963 Patsy Cline and 2 other country singers killed in single-engine plane crash en-route from St. Louis, where they had performed a benefit for the widow of Cactus Jack Call (killed in a car crash)
3/5/1982 John Belushi (33) dies of drug overdose after 2 flop movies in which he played non-comedy roles, not living to costar in the sequel to his popular Blues Brothers movie
3/5/1958 Andy Gibb born, singer with older brothers Barry, Robin & Maurice, (the Bee Gees) released his 1st solo album in 1978
3/5/1948 Eddy Grant born
3/6/1836 Fall of the Alamo, San Antonio, Texas
3/6/1944 600 bombers attack Berlin in 1st major raid of the city
3/6/1970 The Beatles' album Hey Jude goes gold, and Charles Manson releases his own record album to finance his defense in the Tate-LaBianca murder trial
3/6/1972 The Immigration Dept. cancels John Lennon's visa, the following month New York's mayor demands that his deportation be halted
3/6/1976 The Very Best Of Slim Whitman album hits #1 on British pop chart
3/6/1944 Mary Wilson born, founding member of The Supremes
3/6/1982 Willie Nelson's version of Elvis Presley's Always On My Mind (1972) enters the pop chart and later hits #1 on C&W chart, winning a Grammy
3/7/1933 Game of Monopoly invented but game manufacturers not interested so is self-published
3/7/1956 Carl Perkins Blue Suede Shoes becomes the 1st Country & Western song to also be a hit on the R&B chart
3/7/1970 Simon & Garfunkel's Bridge Over Troubled Water is #1 album on pop chart in both US and Britain
3/7/1946 Peter Wolf born, singer The J. Geils Band
3/8/1969 The Beatles self-titled album is replaced as #1 on pop chart by Glen Campbell's Wichita Lineman, it went gold the previous November
3/8/1945 Mickey Dolenz born, singer The Monkees and actor "Circus Boy" TV-series, "Piranha 2" movie
3/8/1973 Pigpen McKernan, founding member of The Grateful Dead (27) died of cirrhosis from heavy drinking
3/9/1775 Daniel Boone begins to cut Wilderness Road to Kentucky
3/9/1847 First post office west of the Rockies opens, Astoria, Oregon
3/9/1945 Over 300 B-29s firebomb Tokyo in night raid, by morning 1/4 of city is destroyed and over 100,000 dead - more than were later killed by either of the atomic explosions in Hiroshima or Nagasaki
3/9/1969 The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour is cancelled after on-air censorship of singer Joan Baez
3/9/1972 Barbra Streisand, Carole King & James Taylor perform a fund-raiser for Democratic candidate George McGovern, starting a trend by pop stars
3/9/1976 "A Night At The Opera" is Queen's 1st gold record in the US, inc. 6 minute song Bohemian Rhapsody
3/9/1942 Mark Lindsay born, lead singer for Paul Revere & the Raiders (Indian Reservation)
3/10/1959 Elvis Presley's "I Need Your Love Tonight" sells a million copies within 24 hours of release, RCA sends the official gold record to him in West Germany c/o the US Army
3/10/1972 "America" album by America (two US "Army brats" who grew up in England), goes gold. Two weeks later their top single also goes gold
3/10/1876 First telephone call, no busy signal
3/11/2018 Mothering Sunday (UK)
3/11/2018 Daylight Saving Time begins just after midnight early this morning, turn your clock sideways. In a recent poll, most women said they plan to sleep an extra hour and most men said they want an extra hour of sex. So try not to wake her up
3/11/1968 Otis Redding's "Dock Of The Bay" goes gold and hits #1 on both the pop and R&B charts 3 months after his death
3/11/1971 TV's Partridge Family gets the 2nd of 5 hit records when "Doesn't Somebody Want To Be Wanted" goes gold
3/11/2011 Massive tidal wave hits Japan causing widespread damage inc. a nuclear power plant
3/11/1818 Frankenstein first published, no book publisher was interested so she self-published first 1000 copies
3/11/1847 John Chapman (Johnny Appleseed) died
3/12/1969 Paul McCartney marries Linda in a London Register's office with McCartney's brother as best man
3/12/1974 John Lennon ejected from a Los Angeles club for heckling comedian Tommy Smothers
3/12/1912 Girl Scouts of America founded
3/12/1896 "Lone-Cat" Fuller born (died 1976) according to Rolling Stone mag
3/12/1948 James Taylor born, singer
3/13/1964 The top 4 rock & roll singles are all by the Beatles. Billboard magazine estimates that 60% of single sales are by The Beatles
3/13/1939 Neil Sedaka born, singer/song writer
3/13/1677 Province of Maine sold to John Usher
3/14/1965 The Beatles are replaced as #1 on the album pop chart by the Mary Poppins movie soundtrack album, which itself is knocked off #1 the following week by the Goldfinger movie soundtrack album
3/14/1981 Dolly Parton's "9 to 5" used in the movie, hits #1 on the pop chart
3/14/1933 Quincy Jones, music producer born
3/14/1879 Albert Einstein born
3/15/1956 Col. Tom Parker becomes Elvis Presley's manager; had previously handled Hank Snow, Gene Autry & Eddy Arnold
3/15/1966 Grammy Awards include Roger Miller's King Of The Road and A Taste Of Honey album by Herb Albert & The Tijuana Brass
3/15/1972 Robert John's verion of The Lion Sleeps Tonight goes gold, previously a hit for The Tokens and The Weavers
3/15/1947 Ry Cooder born, 1st rock performer to release a digitally recorded album or song
3/15/1941 Mike Love, singer/song writer, The Beach Boys
3/15/1767 Andrew Jackson born
3/15/44(BC) Julius Caesar assassinated by senators in Rome
3/16/1964 Capitol Records announces advance sales of one to two million each for the Beatles' next two singles
3/16/1926 Jerry Lewis born
3/16/1802 US Military Academy at West Point established
3/17 Saint Patrick's Day
3/17/2018 New Moon, werewolf threat level green
3/17/1951 Scott Gorham born, a founding member of Irish rock band Thin Lizzy (1974)
3/18/1945 Ronald Reagan and Jane Wyman adopt son Michael
3/18/1954 first B-52 rolls out of Boeing plant
3/18/1965 Mick Jagger, Keith Richards and Bill Wyman (Rolling Stones) arrested for relieving themselves on the wall of a gas station after being refused permission to use its restroom
3/18/1941 Wilson "Boris" Pickett born, singer "The Monster Mash"
3/19/1920 Railroads returned to their owners after being nationalized by President Wilson
3/19/1787 Steamboat patent issued to John Fitch by New York State
3/19/1980 Elvis Presley's autopsy is subpoenaed in trial of his doctor for over-prescribing drugs, for which he will be found guilty
3/19/1982 Ozzy Osbourne's guitarist and two others killed when plane crashes after buzzing Osbourne in his tour bus
3/19/1930 Ornette Coleman born, avant-garde jazz performer
3/19/1937 Clarence "Frogman" Henry born, singer/song writer
3/20/1937 Jerry Reed born, singer/song writer/actor
3/20/2018 First day of Spring
3/20/1959 A site inside Cheyenne Mountain in Colorado approved for NORAD operations
3/20/1969 John Lennon marries Yoko Ono, then they start a "bed-in for peace" at the Amsterdam Hilton
3/20/1971 Iron Butterfly's In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida goes triple gold, on the pop chart now for 138 weeks
3/20/1852 "Uncle Tom's Cabin" published, selling 3000 copies the first day, President Lincoln credited its author with helping end slavery
3/21 Benito Juarez born (Mexico)
3/21/1685 Johann Sebastian Bach born
3/22/1765 Stamp Act, 1st direct tax only on British colonies, touching off violent protests 8/26, repealed on 4/26/1766
3/22/1963 The Beatles' 1st album released, hits #1 in 3 weeks
3/22/1956 Carl Perkins injured in car accident, never fully recovers
3/22/1978 The Rutles "All You Need Is Cash" spoofing the Beatles airs on ABC-TV with a cameo by George Harrison. He was also a fan of the satirical rock group Spinal Tap
3/22/1943 George Benson born, jazz guitarist, his "Breezin" (1976) is one of all-time best-selling jazz albums
3/22/1948 Andrew Lloyd Weber born
3/23/1858 Patent issued for the streetcar
3/23/1953 Chaka Khan, born singer
3/24/1874 Harry Houdini born, illusionist and escape artist
3/24/1873 Mary Ann Cotton executed by hanging after at least 18 family members died, 12 of them children, from arsenic "stomach ailments" including her mother and three husbands, for the life insurance
3/24/1954 Ray Charles' 3rd hit "It Should've Been Me" hits #7 on R&B chart
3/24/1958 Elvis Presley (23) becomes Army recruit #53310761 for 2 years; Sgt. Presley will be released 3/5/60
3/24/1972 Paul Anka's hit "Puppy Love" goes gold, also for Donny Osmond 12 year later
3/24/2016 Earl Hamner, Jr. died (92) born July 10, 1923. Best-known for the biographical show The Waltons, he also wrote for Falcon Crest and Twilight Zone
3/24/2016 Garry Shandling died (66) born November 29, 1949. Comic, host of satiric The Larry Sanders Show
3/25/2018 Palm Sunday
3/25/1938 singer/actor Hoyt Axton born
3/25/1961 Elvis does his last live performance for 8 years, a benefit raising $62,000 in Pearl Harbor for the USS Arizona Memorial
3/25/1807 World's first passenger train run, Swansea to Mumbles, U.K.
3/25/1970 Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young's only studio-recorded album goes gold, inc. song Teach Your Children
3/25/1972 America have #1 single & album on pop chart A Horse With No Name and "America"
3/25/1934 Johnny Burnette born (died 8/1/64) singer "You're 16" (1960) which was later a #1 hit also for Ringo Starr (1973)
3/25/1942 Aretha Franklin born, gospel & pop singer daughter of Rev. C.L. Franklin, recorded 1st gospel songs at age 14
3/25/1947 Elton John born, singer
3/25/1867 Arturo Toscanini born
3/26/1944 Diana Ross born, singer
3/26/1949 first US ten-engine bomber makes first test flight, the B-36
3/26/1970 Peter of Peter Paul & Mary pleads guilty to "immoral liberties" with a 14 year old girl
3/26/1974 Rock On by British teen idol David Essex goes gold, Essex is best known in US as Jesus in movie Godspell
3/26/1974 Tubular Bells by teen prodigy Mike Oldfield goes gold, song is later used for movie The Exorcist
3/26/1965 The Yardbirds replace Eric Clapton with Jeff Beck. Clapton objected to commercialization of their songs
3/27/1968 The Bee Gees perform at Royal Albert Hall with a 67-piece orchestra, the RAF Band, and a large choir
3/27/1971 One Toke Over The Line by Brewer & Shipley is banned by radio stations for its drug references
3/27/1972 Elvis Presley records his final hit song "Burning Love"
3/27/1951 Tony Bank born, founding member of pop group Genesis (later to include Peter Gabriel and Phil Collins)
3/27/1952 Singin' In The Rain released, musical spoof of silent movie era, starring Debbie Reynolds of Halloweentown and Gene Kelly (Anchors Aweigh)
3/28/1958 Blues composer W.C. Handy dies (84)
3/28/1948 John Evan born, keyboardist for British group Jethro Tull, which they named for a farm implement inventor
3/28/1881 Master showman P.T. Barnum merges his museum of oddities with the Bailey Circus
3/29/1977 Swedish group ABBA gets their only US #1 hit gold record, for "Dancing Queen", their "Knowing Me Knowing You" is already #1 in Britain
3/29/1990 Warning labels first put on records, voluntarily
3/29/2016 Anna Marie (Patty) Duke died (69) born December 14, 1946. Won an Oscar for The Miracle Worker (also originated the role on Broadway and later played Annie Sullivan in a made-for-TV movie, 1962 and 1979), The Patty Duke Show as identical cousins (died 5 weeks before her TV dad William Schallert), ex-wife of John Astin, wrote Call Me Anna and A Brilliant Madness
3/30/2018 Good Friday and first day of Passover
3/30/1960 Congressman Tip O'Neill denounces rock & roll as "a type of sensuous music unfit for impressionable minds" and demands the FCC investigate radio stations for payola
3/30/1978 Paul Simonon and Topper Headon of rock group Clash arrested for shooting pigeons from a London hotel roof
3/30/1981 A deranged loner attempts to kill President Reagan with a stolen gun
3/30/1945 Eric Clapton born, guitarist
3/30/1942 Graeme Edge born, a founding member of British rock group The Moody Blues
3/30/1964 First broadcast of TV gameshow Jeopardy
3/30/1867 Russia agrees to cede Alaska to the USA
3/31/2018 Full Moon, lock Larry Talbut in his room
3/31/1954 Fats Domino's 10th hit "You Done Me Wrong" hits #10 on R&B chart
3/31/1937 Herb Alpert born, Grammy Award winner "A Taste Of Honey"
3/31/1889 Eiffel Tower born
April 1 - If you're still celebrating New Year's Day today, you're an April Fool
4/1/1954 Bill creating the Air Force Academy signed by President Eisenhower
4/1/1989 Congress proclaims National Model Railroad Day
4/1/1894 The French Ripper, Joseph Vacher, considered cured and released from an asylum, went on a killing spree
4/1/2010 Ed Roberts died, developer of the calculator and computer kits, employed young Bill Gates and Paul Allen in the 1970s
4/1/2010 John Forsythe died, actor "Bachelor Father", Dynasty, and Charlie's voice in Charlie's Angels
* "...the Government of the United States... gives to bigotry no sanction, to persecution no assistance. ...May the children of the Stock of Abraham, who dwell in this land, continue to merit and enjoy the good will of the other Inhabitants; while every one shall sit in safety under his own vine and figtree, and there shall be none to make him afraid. May the father of all mercies scatter light and not darkness in our paths, and make us all in our several vocations useful here, and in his own due time and way everlastingly happy."
— Letter of George Washington to the Hebrew Congregation in Newport, Rhode Island 
Here's some advice from your friendly stock broker: #1. The market is going up, buy stock because you don’t want to miss out #2. The market is going down, buy stocks because they are cheaper and it’s a great buying opportunity!
6/19/2016 Anton Yelchin died (27) Russian-born actor best known for playing Chekov in recent two Star Trek films and a recent Terminator movie as Kyle Reese. He got out of his car in his driveway when it accidentally rolled crushing him. His family filed suit against Chrysler on August 2 for not issuing a recall for the known defect Google announced new computer keyboard on April 1 2016, for people in Japan addicted to smart phones
Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
Monstervision's Joe Bob Briggs started on The Movie Channel: TMC schedule
"While other people come upon roadkill and see a dead animal, I see a new hat" Beth Beverly, Taxidermist
Half of the DNA in humans and bananas is the same, does that mean we are all half bananas?
Ray Harryhausen's legendary stop-motion creatures defined blockbuster special effects for decades and inspired entire generations of filmmakers. He died May 7th, 2013 at the age of 92.
Other deaths in 2013 included Tom Laughlin, star of the Bill Jack movies, and Peter O'Toole, costar of Supergirl movie and "My Favorite Year."
Note: Joe Bob's video host segments for "Blood Feast" have been added to the Blood & Donuts page cause I can't remember where I put the transcript for Blood Feast
"Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff" Frank Zappa Click here for the planet Alderran from the 1st Star Wars movie. The Shadow Knows
Peter Graves of Mission Impossible (TV-series) and the movie Airplane, has died. His son tried to help but to no avail. Walter Koenig's son Andrew, a childstar on "Growing Pains" as Boner, has been found dead of suicide. Members of the cast of Star Trek and Growing Pains have sent their sympathy to the family; he had been treated for depression and went off his meds. Walter Koenig asks that anyone wrestling with depression please get help or call someone
Josh Friedman (the Terminator TV series) is casting for a new Charlie's Angels TV-series on ABC and Moonlight's Alex O'Loughlin is close to an agreement to play the Jack Lord role in a new Hawaii 5-0. NBC has ordered several new pilots to fill the hole in primetime left by Jay Leno returning to the Tonight Show, including a new Rockford Files by the creator of TV's House, and a dramedy starring David Tennant (Who?) called "Rex Is Not Your Lawyer" (I hope that's just a working title). American Movie Classics is adapting "The Walking Dead" zombie comic book for a new TV-series on the cable channel known for Mad Men and Breaking Bad. Starz is already running episodes of Sam Raimi's "Spartacus: Blood & Sand," with Lucy Lawless (Xena) as a Roman vamp. Remember Terry O'Quinn from the Monstervision feature Stepfather 2? He's no longer Mr. Nice Guy on the TV-series "Lost." He told TV Guide in January 2010 that in the 6th & final season, his character's "on a mission and he's a dark presence, almost like the devil. The more the others know about him, the more fear he inspires."
Hey, are you kids watching Play-Mate Of The Apes?
Note: Star Trek The Next Generation is on the SYFY channel as well as WGN weeknights @ 10pm/1am EST. A and E has The Sopranos @ 2pm Mon-Fri, and Family Channel has 2 eps of Sabrina The Teenage Witch @ 2pm Mon-Fri
Zombieland full-length trailer #2
There are no zombies in Washington DC because they eat brains
In August 2009, Nancy Pelosi said that people opposed to the government health care plan are un-American Nazis
Watch Dracula and his Vampire Brides in its entirety courtesy of YouTube, starring Christopher Lee for Hammer Films
Note: The SciFi Channel is changing its name to SYFY, don't ask me why why. Maybe it goes better with professional wrestling ABC has the TV rights to "The Witches Of Eastwick" and has turned it into a TV-series similar to Desperate Housewives titled simply "Eastwick." Tom Cruise has agreed to do Mission Impossible 4 as producer. Click here to please Zardoz.
He's Always Russian Around
Alright, some of you turkeys still don't know what "Bimbo" means. Maybe this video will help
What's Russian for Zsa Zsa?
Have you ever been talking on the phone and forgot somebody's name? Perhaps it would help to have your brain indexed. Google announced a new service on April 1st called Brainsearch which will allow Google to search your brain for you anytime you want to remember something. It is available only for cell-phone users at this time because it uses Beta waves:
Website Sizzler, including free ebook: How To Generate Quick Cash In An Emergency
Four U.S. helicopters crossed into Syria on 10-27-08 to blast a terrorist camp there. The leading helicopter was flown by a shirtless guy named Rambo, wearing boxing shorts
If the number seven is lucky than I guess it must really be lucky when the stock market drops 777 points in one day...it dropped 18% in one week, a higher percentage than it did on Black Monday 10-28-29, brother can you spare a dime? A penny a day for a month, doubled, would be 1 cent times 30 days times two, or 60 cents! Here's a 31-day list of how much you would make if it doubled every day for 31 days
Want Monstervision episodes on DVD? Here's a fansite that appears to trade DVDs amongst its member for just the cost of postage: Latenightwingman.com
Did you forget to send an important email? Google now has a Gmail feature that allows you to send email as far back in time as April 1, 2004. Gmail utilizes an e-flux capacitor to resolve issues of causality. Click here for details. Posted by Google on April 1. The 1st day of April.
----------------->>> The Mean Kitty Song <<<-------------------
The budget for Spider-Man 3 was around $350,000,000 making it one of the most expensive movies ever made. Not to be confused with the low-budget Lon Chaney, Jr. monster movie Spider Baby (1964, with the opening credits music narrated by Chaney himself) Faster, Pussycat, Kill, Kill! (the lost scene)
If you see any problems with this website, you'll have to check with the Dungeonmaster. The webmaster is taking a nap
Now available from Amazon.com Joe Bob Briggs narrates "A Double Dose of Joe Bob Briggs: "The Double-D Avenger" and "Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter" You can buy it at Joe Bob's new official site www.joebobbriggs.com and he'll even autograph it for you.
MonsterVision Rating System
G ..... General Audiences, all ages allowed
PG.... Profanity Guaranteed, all ages allowed
R ..... Restricted, no one under 17 allowed unless they like looking at nekkid chicks or bloody violence and can talk the babysitter into pretending to be their parent to get them in. Unless of course she's a psycho Sitter
NC17... No children under 17, cause this movie has X-rated sex or violence that Hollywood doesn't want to call X-rated anymore. The British & Germans have a number-based ratings system, and the French use one based on bleu cheese
Joe Bob Briggs bio from 1999 (he blooms anywhere) There are books by Joe Bob Briggs available on the bio page, but none about Monstervision
See anything on this page you don't like? Contact the Webmaster. Not to be confused with the Puppet Master. Whatever you do, for God's sake, don't attempt to contact the zombie/undead "Puppet Master." You've been warned. That's all I can do.
This is not a chain letter. It was not started decades ago in the Netherlands, nor was it perpetrated centuries ago by some deranged monk on Easter Island (which is highly unlikely in the first place, since EMACS only works on smart display terminals, and they weren't available on Easter Island back then, due largely to the U.S. state department's vigorous ban on exportation of advanced technology to deranged monks on equatorial islands).
There is no luck associated with this letter. Hence, it is pointless to send five copies of this letter to people you like. In fact, it is vigorously discouraged, since, by sending this letter through the postal service, you are needlessly burdening an already overworked system. You also increase the chance of the postal service losing mail. Murphy's Law will take effect here, resulting in your letter being delivered the next day, and a Red Cross package to a needy individual in Zimbabwe to be accidentally re-routed to Hackensack, New Jersey, thus becoming lost forever. You do not stand a chance, however, of displacing any junk mail.
If you break the chain, and fail to send five copies of this letter to other unfortunate individuals, then absolutely nothing extraordinary will happen to you. If, on the other hand, you do propagate five copies of this letter, then absolutely nothing extraordinary will happen to you, either.
"The Freaks" start doing the gooble gobble chant at a wedding reception (1932). By the way, this movie was banned in Britain for 30 years, and even the ending was edited out before it was released in America, and the ending on the storyboard wasn't approved for filming (it involved an ax and a bag of feathers)
People who think logically are a nice contrast to the rest of the world
Nine of ten people suffer from hemorrhoids. Do the others enjoy them?
"If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, Sweetheart," said the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready."
"Good, what are we having for breakfast?" asked the new husband.
"Toast and juice," she replied.
The drive-in will never die!!!
"MonsterVision" was cancelled by the ungrateful weasels at TNT
Later gator, Joe Bob
"Don't believe anything you read on the net. Except this. Well, including this, I suppose." Douglas Adams (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
More Blonde Jokes:
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tripped over the cordless phone.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind.
She told someone to meet her at the corner of WALK and DON'T WALK.
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius."
If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes happened around the home, she moved.
Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? ...It took her months to figure out she could use it at night.
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? ..."Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice? ...Because it said "concentrate."
Why can't blondes take coffee breaks? They're too hard to retrain.
What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle? A dope ring.
Why can't blondes be pharmacists? Because they can't fit the bottle in the typewriter.
What's the definition of eternity? 4 blondes at a 4-way stop.
What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean? An air pocket.
What do you call a basement full of blondes? A whine cellar.
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts? "This Goes In Front."
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? "Oh, look!! Donut seeds!
"When I went to Wal-Mart for the first time...I always thought they sold wallpaper. I didn't realize it was everything. You can get anything you want there for really, really cheap." Paris Hilton
In February 2008 two thieves with knives invaded the north Texas home of 80 year old James Pickett but he got so mad when one of them said something bad about John Wayne he put them both in the hospital with cracked heads. Them's fightin' words!
Need a program to process windows media audio? Freeware available at this fansite (WMA, WMV and ASF)
Remember, a bird in the bush is worth half a bird in your hand, a word is worth one-thousandth of a picture, and the early worm gets eaten by a bird. That's my 2˝˘ worth
Can't find any hosted bad movies to watch? How about hosted bad movie trailers...check out the website Trailersfromhell.com, they appear to have a different hosted bad movie trailer 3 days a week. After you hear the hosted version, click un-narrated version to hear the trailer's original audio, in all it's glory!
Playboy Magazine has a new edition for married people, the centerfold is the same every month
What has four legs and an arm? A pit bull.
What has four legs and an ear? Mike Tyson's pit bull.
What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker? "Hop in." The Drive-In will never die!
The chief characteristic of institutions is that if they have a purpose when they are started, it is forgotten as they mature"
Robert M. Hutchins
If everyone is thinking alike, then nobody is thinking ~~ Amazon.com sucks ~~
International Women's Day was created by The Socialist Party of America in 1909. Soviet Russia proclaimed it in 1922, followed by the United Nations in the 1970s.
In the USA they used paper dollars until the collapse of 2017 when everyone switched to digital beads