These movies continue to run on TNT, TBS, and even the SYFY Channel in their original form. Simply print out the host segments for the movie when it comes around and read Joe Bob's comments on each segment as you watch the movie. It's the next best thing to having Joe Bob on the couch next to you...
In addition to being Joe Bob Briggs on MonsterVision, John Bloom also appeared on Comedy Central's Daily Show to comment on Godstuff. John Bloom's Godstuff page at Comedy Central. John Bloom does most or all of his own writing
Today's schedule sponsored by Motel Hell, when only the very worst will do
This month, 2017
5/1/25 Astronaut Scott Carpenter born
5/1/39 Judy Collins born singer
5/1/44 Rita Coolidge born singer
5/1/67 Tim McGraw born, Country singer
5/1/41 Orson Welles' Citizen Kane premieres in New York
5/1/57 Larry King's 1st day on the radio, is the caller there?
5/1/65 Nine records were set by a YF12A interceptor that hit 2062 mph at 80,000 foot altitude
5/1/1971 Amtrak begins operations
5/1/2015 Grace Lee Whitney died (85) born April 1 1930. Yeoman Janice Rand on Star Trek
5/1/1954 Alan Freed hosts his 1st rock concert inc. the Clovers and Muddy Waters, sells out at $2 per ticket
5/1/1967 Elvis Presley marries Priscilla, daughter of an army colonel he met while serving in Germany. She had moved to Graceland at age 16, in a separate house
5/1/1979 Elton John becomes the first pop music star to perform in Israel
5/1/1939 Saudi Arabian crude oil is loaded onto a tanker for the first time, at Ras Tanura
5/1/1776 The Illuminati founded in Bavaria
5/2/1936 Engelbert Humperdinck born singer
5/2/1923 1st non-stop transcontinental flight NY to San Diego started
5/2/1956 "Heartbreak Hotel" by Elvis Presley hits top 10 on R&B chart and #1 on both Pop and Country charts
5/2/1980 Pink Floyd's song Another Brick In The Wall banned in South Africa after black children begin chanting it
5/2/2011 Navy SEALs assassinate Osama bin Laden at his secret compound in Pakistan
5/2/1519 Leonardo da Vinci died (67) in France
5/3/1919 Pete Seeger born, folk & pop singer
5/3/26 Ann B. Davis born, the maid in TV's The Brady Bunch
5/3/33 Alex Cord born, actor Air Wolf TV-series as the agency's boss
5/3/37 Frankie Valli born singer
5/3/50 Peter Gabriel born singer
5/3/52 World's 1st successful landing at the North Pole, by a USAF C-47
5/3/68 The Beach Boys play a concert then have Maharishi Yogi lecture the audience for the 2nd half,
it is not received well and half their concert dates cancel
5/3/77 Eric Church born, country singer
5/4/59 Dick Clark announces his 1st movie production, Harrison High, with himself playing a teacher
5/4/59 winners of the 1st annual Grammy Awards inc. Peter Gunn by Mancini, Tequila by the Champs,
Tom Dooley by the Kingston Trio, and 3 Grammys to David Seville for The Chipmunk Song
5/4/70 Nat. Guard troops fire on Vietnam War protesters at Kent State University, killing 4. Student
unrest closes down 400 colleges by May 7 and 2 more students are killed by police at Jackson State
University (Mississippi) May 14
5/5 Cinco de Mayo in US, though not an official holiday in Mexico
5/5/1962 Cliff Richards gets a Gold Record for the title song of movie The Young Ones
5/6/1912 1st group cross-country flight, by 3 Army planes
5/6/1932 President of France assassinated in Paris
5/6/1937 German airship "Hindenburg" burst into flame and fell like a lead zeppelin (later used as one of
Led Zeppelin's album covers)
5/6/41 Stalin became Premier of Soviet Russia
5/6/31 Willie Mays born, Baseball Hall of Famer
5/6/61 George Clooney born, actor "ER" sitcom, "ER" dramatic TV-series, several movies, first Batman with nipples
5/7/1763 Chief Pontiac rallies Great Lakes tribes against colonial incursions, Pontiac is killed in 1769
5/7/1915 German U-boat sank the British passenger liner Lusitania, dead include Americans
5/7/45 Germany signed unconditional surrender at Allied headquarters in France
5/7/63 US launched communications satellite Telstar 2
5/7/75 Pres. Ford announced end to Vietnam War as Viet Cong took over Siagon & renamed it Ho Chi Minh City
5/7/71 Eagle-Eye Cherry born singer
5/8/45 VE Day, Germany surrenders (1945)
5/8/40 Rick Nelson born singer "Garden Party"
5/8/43 Toni Tennille born singer
5/9/49 Billy Joel born singer
5/9/2016 William Schallert died (93) born July 6, 1922. Versatile actor who acted professionally from 1947-2014, probably best-known as Patty's dad on The Patty Duke Show (and died only 5 weeks after Patty Duke), appeared in Twilight Zone, Get Smart and two versions of Star Trek and was president of the Screen Actors Guild from 1979-1981. Spoofed his own scifi movie roles as the scientist in Matinee
5/10/2017 Full Moon, lock Larry Talbot in his room
5/10/1869 Last spike of 1st US transcontinental railroad, Union Pacific and Central Pacific, in Utah
5/10/29 Fats Domino born singer
5/10/46 Donovan born, singer "Sunshine Superman", "Mellow Yellow" and "Hurdy Gurdy Man"
5/11/61 Soviet bandleader Alexander Utyosov claims that Dixieland music was invented in his Socialist
Motherland. Variations of the claim later become a running joke by Chekhov in TV's Star Trek
5/12/49 Russia ends blockade of West Berlin
5/12/29 Burt Bacharach born singer
5/12/48 Steve Winwood born singer
5/12/62 Billboard Mag. reports the top 2 most played jukebox songs are Jimmy Dean's Big Bad John and Chubby Checker's The Twist
5/12/64 Dominique by the Singing Nun wins Grammy for Best Gospel Record, Allan Sherman for Best Comedy
"Hello Muddah Hello Fadduh"
5/13/1911 1st 2 Army graduate pilots from Wright School
5/13/1941 Ritchie Valens born (died 1959) singer
5/13/1943 Mary Wells born, singer from age 17 "My Guy"
5/13/1950 Little Stevie Wonder born, singer since age 12
5/13/1977 Hustler publisher Larry Flint offers Linda Ronstadt $1 million to pose nude. She tells reporters
she threw the offer "in the wastebasket"
5/14/2017 Mother's Day (2nd Sunday in May)
5/14/1908 1st passenger flight in an airplane, at Kitty Hawk
5/14/36 Bobby Darin born, singer/actor (Died 1973) The Time Tunnel TV-series, hit
song Mack The Knife
5/14/52 David Byrne born, founding member of Talking Heads pop group, singer/composer
5/14/1955 "Bo Diddley" sung by Bo Diddley released, will go on to be his biggest hit single
5/14/2015 B.B. King died (89) born 9/16/25, a compilation album of duets with other famous singers on his 80th birthday
5/14/1955 "Mambo King" Perez Prado's "Cherry Pink" sells a million records, one of the Cuban's 4 big hits in America
5/15/1918 US govt. establishes 1st permanent Air Mail route
5/15/1969 Gov. Reagan orders end to riot in Berkeley, CA
5/15/1971 Yoko Ono's The Fly is screened at Cannes Film Festival, reviewers include Joe Bob Briggs
5/16/1980 Dr. Nick is indicted in Memphis for over-prescribing drugs to Elvis Presley and Jerry Lee Lewis
5/17/1942 Taj Mahal born, singer
5/17/1958 Last run of a steam engine on Baltimore & Ohio, for a Cleveland railroad club
5/19/45 Pete Townshend born singer
5/19/52 Grace Jones born singer
5/19/1998 Galaxy 4 communications satellite carrying wire news services, CBS & NPR networks, and 80% of beepers,
suddenly failed. It was eventually permanently replaced by Galaxy VI
5/19/1919 Turkish War of Independance starts
5/19/2016 Alan Young died (96) costar Mr. Ed Show, voice of the Scotsman in Ren & Stimpy Show, costar The Time Machine
5/19/2016 Morley Safer died (94) born November 8, 1931. Award-winning journalist who was active on 60 Minutes for 46 years, gave his last broadcast two months before his death. In 1967 he provided the first look inside China in nearly 20 years by a US news show
5/21/16 Armed Forces Day (third Friday in May)
5/21/41 Ronald Isley born, one of the singing Isley Brothers "Twist & Shout" (1962 hit, two years
before The Beatles)
5/21/48 Leo Sayer born singer
5/21/56 1st H-bomb exploded, over Bikini Atoll
5/21/61 Every Beat Of My Heart enters the Top 100, one version by Gladys Knight and another by The Pips on a
different record label, of which she is a member. Motown will later sign them as Gladys Knight and the Pips
5/21/69 Yoko & John Lennon begin a ten-day "Bed-in" in a Montreal hotel 2 weeks after his visa is revoked by
the U.S. Embassy in London
5/21/79 Elton John becomes the first pop music star to tour Russia
5/22/58 Jerry Lee Lewis and his wife Myra arrive in London for a tour, reporters are shocked when he admits
she is his 14 year old 3rd cousin (see 5/26)
5/22/2017 Suicide bomber attacked Manchester Arena (UK) after a rock concert by Ariana Grande in worst terrorist
event there since attack on Westminster Bridge in March. The arena is Europe's largest with a capacity of 21,000
5/23/2017 Victoria Day (Canada)
5/23/64 British hit My Boy Lollipop by Millie Small hits America's Top 100 and eventually #2
5/24/1918 US Army Air Service organized
5/24/1955 Rosanne Cash born singer
5/24/1941 Bob Dylan born singer
5/24/2016 Burt Kwouk died (85) born July 18, 1930. A bit part actor for 50 years, best-known as Kato in Pink Panther movies
5/25/2017 New Moon completely dark, werewolf threat low
5/25/26 Miles Davis born singer
5/25/42 Bill Young born, singer
5/26/34 First nonstop run of the Zephyr (CB&Q railroad) Denver to Chicago
5/26/33 Jimmie Rodgers died, "The Singing Brakeman"
5/26/48 Stevie Nicks born singer
5/26/49 Hank Williams Jr. born singer, Are You Ready For Some Baseball?
5/26/58 Jerry Lee Lewis 37-date tour is cancelled after just three concerts due to hostile crowds, the
London Evening Star calls for his deportation
5/27/57 That'll Be The Day by Buddy Holly & the Crickets is released
5/28/44 Gladys Knight born singer
5/28/45 John Fogerty born singer
5/28/48 Ray Laidlaw born singer
5/28/58 Ronald P. Reagan born to Ronald and Nancy Reagan
5/28/55 Billboard Mag. reports "The Ballad of Davy Crockett" has sold 18 million records in 6 months, with
versions sung by Fess Parker, Tennessee Ernie Ford, Steve Allen, Burl Ives, Roy Rogers Sons Of The
Pioneers, and others
5/28/2017 National Maritime Day (4th Sunday in May)
5/29/1453 Constantinople falls to Sultan Mehmed, eventually renamed Istanbul
5/29/2015 Betsy Palmer died (88) Theatrical actress, sometimes appeared in films, The Fear: Resurrection
5/29/2017 Memorial Day observed (last Monday in May)
5/30/1958 A fatal 5-car accident at Indy changes rules: rollbar required on all cars and medical-certified helmets
5/31/1938 Peter Yarrow born, of the singing trio Peter Paul & Mary
5/31/1969 Rolling Stone mag. reports that Frank Zappa has become a paid lecturer on the college circuit inc.
UCLA on the topic of "Pigs, Ponies and Rock & Roll"
5/31/1976 Guinness Book of World Records says The Who is world's loudest rock band, with live performances
at 120 decibels
6/1/1959 Billboard mag. says some teens are using latest technology to tape music off radio instead of buying it
6/1/1967 First non-stop trans-Atlantic flight by a helicopter, by two HH3Es, New York-Paris
6/1/1982 Norfolk and Western merges with Southern Railway, becoming one of five largest railroads in USA
6/1/2014 Ann B. Davis died, the maid in TV's The Brady Bunch (born 5/3/26)
6/1/2014 Tom Rounds died, co-creator/producer of America's Top 40 hosted by Casey Kasem
6/1/2015 Kate Chappell died, special effects artist Game of Thrones and Divergent, killed on safari by lion attack
6/1/1926 Andy Griffith born (actor/singer) died July 3, 2012. Opie's dad in the '60s, Matlock later
6/1 Canadian Forces Day, eh?
6/19/2016 Anton Yelchin died (27) Russian-born actor best known for playing Chekov in recent two Star Trek films and a recent Terminator movie as Kyle Reese. He got out of his car in his driveway when it accidentally rolled crushing him. His family filed suit against Chrysler on August 2 for not issuing a recall for the known defect Google announced new computer keyboard on April 1 2016, for people in Japan addicted to smart phones
Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
Monstervision's Joe Bob Briggs started on The Movie Channel: TMC schedule
"While other people come upon roadkill and see a dead animal, I see a new hat" Beth Beverly, Taxidermist
Half of the DNA in humans and bananas is the same, does that mean we are all half bananas?
Ray Harryhausen's legendary stop-motion creatures defined blockbuster special effects for decades and inspired entire generations of filmmakers. He died May 7th, 2013 at the age of 92.
Other deaths in 2013 included Tom Laughlin, star of the Bill Jack movies, and Peter O'Toole, costar of Supergirl movie and "My Favorite Year."
Note: Joe Bob's video host segments for "Blood Feast" have been added to the Blood & Donuts page cause I can't remember where I put the transcript for Blood Feast
"Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff" Frank Zappa Click here for the planet Alderran from the 1st Star Wars movie. The Shadow Knows
Peter Graves of Mission Impossible (TV-series) and the movie Airplane, has died. His son tried to help but to no avail. Walter Koenig's son Andrew, a childstar on "Growing Pains" as Boner, has been found dead of suicide. Members of the cast of Star Trek and Growing Pains have sent their sympathy to the family; he had been treated for depression and went off his meds. Walter Koenig asks that anyone wrestling with depression please get help or call someone
Josh Friedman (the Terminator TV series) is casting for a new Charlie's Angels TV-series on ABC and Moonlight's Alex O'Loughlin is close to an agreement to play the Jack Lord role in a new Hawaii 5-0. NBC has ordered several new pilots to fill the hole in primetime left by Jay Leno returning to the Tonight Show, including a new Rockford Files by the creator of TV's House, and a dramedy starring David Tennant (Who?) called "Rex Is Not Your Lawyer" (I hope that's just a working title). American Movie Classics is adapting "The Walking Dead" zombie comic book for a new TV-series on the cable channel known for Mad Men and Breaking Bad. Starz is already running episodes of Sam Raimi's "Spartacus: Blood & Sand," with Lucy Lawless (Xena) as a Roman vamp. Remember Terry O'Quinn from the Monstervision feature Stepfather 2? He's no longer Mr. Nice Guy on the TV-series "Lost." He told TV Guide in January 2010 that in the 6th & final season, his character's "on a mission and he's a dark presence, almost like the devil. The more the others know about him, the more fear he inspires."
Hey, are you kids watching Play-Mate Of The Apes?
Note: Star Trek The Next Generation is on the SYFY channel as well as WGN weeknights @ 10pm/1am EST. A and E has The Sopranos @ 2pm Mon-Fri, and Family Channel has 2 eps of Sabrina The Teenage Witch @ 2pm Mon-Fri
Zombieland full-length trailer #2
There are no zombies in Washington DC because they eat brains
In August 2009, Nancy Pelosi said that people opposed to the government health care plan are un-American Nazis
Watch Dracula and his Vampire Brides in its entirety courtesy of YouTube, starring Christopher Lee for Hammer Films
Note: The SciFi Channel is changing its name to SYFY, don't ask me why why. Maybe it goes better with professional wrestling ABC has the TV rights to "The Witches Of Eastwick" and has turned it into a TV-series similar to Desperate Housewives titled simply "Eastwick." Tom Cruise has agreed to do Mission Impossible 4 as producer. Click here to please Zardoz.
He's Always Russian Around
Alright, some of you turkeys still don't know what "Bimbo" means. Maybe this video will help
What's Russian for Zsa Zsa?
Have you ever been talking on the phone and forgot somebody's name? Perhaps it would help to have your brain indexed. Google announced a new service on April 1st called Brainsearch which will allow Google to search your brain for you anytime you want to remember something. It is available only for cell-phone users at this time because it uses Beta waves:
Website Sizzler, including free ebook: How To Generate Quick Cash In An Emergency
Four U.S. helicopters crossed into Syria on 10-27-08 to blast a terrorist camp there. The leading helicopter was flown by a shirtless guy named Rambo, wearing boxing shorts
If the number seven is lucky than I guess it must really be lucky when the stock market drops 777 points in one day...it dropped 18% in one week, a higher percentage than it did on Black Monday 10-28-29, brother can you spare a dime? A penny a day for a month, doubled, would be 1 cent times 30 days times two, or 60 cents! Here's a 31-day list of how much you would make if it doubled every day for 31 days
Want Monstervision episodes on DVD? Here's a fansite that appears to trade DVDs amongst its member for just the cost of postage: Latenightwingman.com
Did you forget to send an important email? Google now has a Gmail feature that allows you to send email as far back in time as April 1, 2004. Gmail utilizes an e-flux capacitor to resolve issues of causality. Click here for details. Posted by Google on April 1. The 1st day of April.
----------------->>> The Mean Kitty Song <<<-------------------
The budget for Spider-Man 3 was around $350,000,000 making it one of the most expensive movies ever made. Not to be confused with the low-budget Lon Chaney, Jr. monster movie Spider Baby (1964, with the opening credits music narrated by Chaney himself) Faster, Pussycat, Kill, Kill! (the lost scene)
If you see any problems with this website, you'll have to check with the Dungeonmaster. The webmaster is taking a nap
Now available from Amazon.com Joe Bob Briggs narrates "A Double Dose of Joe Bob Briggs: "The Double-D Avenger" and "Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter" You can buy it at Joe Bob's new official site www.joebobbriggs.com and he'll even autograph it for you.
MonsterVision Rating System
G ..... General Audiences, all ages allowed
PG.... Profanity Guaranteed, all ages allowed
R ..... Restricted, no one under 17 allowed unless they like looking at nekkid chicks or bloody violence and can talk the babysitter into pretending to be their parent to get them in. Unless of course she's a psycho Sitter
NC17... No children under 17, cause this movie has X-rated sex or violence that Hollywood doesn't want to call X-rated anymore. The British & Germans have a number-based ratings system, and the French use one based on bleu cheese
Joe Bob Briggs bio from 1999 (he blooms anywhere) There are books by Joe Bob Briggs available on the bio page, but none about Monstervision
See anything on this page you don't like? Contact the Webmaster. Not to be confused with the Puppet Master. Whatever you do, for God's sake, don't attempt to contact the zombie/undead "Puppet Master." You've been warned. That's all I can do.
This is not a chain letter. It was not started decades ago in the Netherlands, nor was it perpetrated centuries ago by some deranged monk on Easter Island (which is highly unlikely in the first place, since EMACS only works on smart display terminals, and they weren't available on Easter Island back then, due largely to the U.S. state department's vigorous ban on exportation of advanced technology to deranged monks on equatorial islands).
There is no luck associated with this letter. Hence, it is pointless to send five copies of this letter to people you like. In fact, it is vigorously discouraged, since, by sending this letter through the postal service, you are needlessly burdening an already overworked system. You also increase the chance of the postal service losing mail. Murphy's Law will take effect here, resulting in your letter being delivered the next day, and a Red Cross package to a needy individual in Zimbabwe to be accidentally re-routed to Hackensack, New Jersey, thus becoming lost forever. You do not stand a chance, however, of displacing any junk mail.
If you break the chain, and fail to send five copies of this letter to other unfortunate individuals, then absolutely nothing extraordinary will happen to you. If, on the other hand, you do propagate five copies of this letter, then absolutely nothing extraordinary will happen to you, either.
"The Freaks" start doing the gooble gobble chant at a wedding reception (1932). By the way, this movie was banned in Britain for 30 years, and even the ending was edited out before it was released in America, and the ending on the storyboard wasn't approved for filming (it involved an ax and a bag of feathers)
People who think logically are a nice contrast to the rest of the world
Nine of ten people suffer from hemorrhoids. Do the others enjoy them?
"If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, Sweetheart," said the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready."
"Good, what are we having for breakfast?" asked the new husband.
"Toast and juice," she replied.
The drive-in will never die!!!
"MonsterVision" was cancelled by the ungrateful weasels at TNT
Later gator, Joe Bob
"Don't believe anything you read on the net. Except this. Well, including this, I suppose." Douglas Adams (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
More Blonde Jokes:
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tripped over the cordless phone.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind.
She told someone to meet her at the corner of WALK and DON'T WALK.
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius."
If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes happened around the home, she moved.
Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? ...It took her months to figure out she could use it at night.
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? ..."Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice? ...Because it said "concentrate."
Why can't blondes take coffee breaks? They're too hard to retrain.
What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle? A dope ring.
Why can't blondes be pharmacists? Because they can't fit the bottle in the typewriter.
What's the definition of eternity? 4 blondes at a 4-way stop.
What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean? An air pocket.
What do you call a basement full of blondes? A whine cellar.
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts? "This Goes In Front."
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? "Oh, look!! Donut seeds!
"When I went to Wal-Mart for the first time...I always thought they sold wallpaper. I didn't realize it was everything. You can get anything you want there for really, really cheap." Paris Hilton
In February 2008 two thieves with knives invaded the north Texas home of 80 year old James Pickett but he got so mad when one of them said something bad about John Wayne he put them both in the hospital with cracked heads. Them's fightin' words!
Need a program to process windows media audio? Freeware available at this fansite (WMA, WMV and ASF)
Remember, a bird in the bush is worth half a bird in your hand, a word is worth one-thousandth of a picture, and the early worm gets eaten by a bird. That's my 2˝˘ worth
Can't find any hosted bad movies to watch? How about hosted bad movie trailers...check out the website Trailersfromhell.com, they appear to have a different hosted bad movie trailer 3 days a week. After you hear the hosted version, click un-narrated version to hear the trailer's original audio, in all it's glory!
Playboy Magazine has a new edition for married people, the centerfold is the same every month
What has four legs and an arm? A pit bull.
What has four legs and an ear? Mike Tyson's pit bull.
What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker? "Hop in." The Drive-In will never die!
The chief characteristic of institutions is that if they have a purpose when they are started, it is forgotten as they mature"
Robert M. Hutchins
If everyone is thinking alike, then nobody is thinking ~~ Amazon.com sucks ~~
International Women's Day was created by The Socialist Party of America in 1909. Soviet Russia proclaimed it in 1922, followed by the United Nations in the 1970s.
In the USA they used paper dollars until the collapse of 2017 when everyone switched to digital beads