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www.Monstervision.org


Monstervision Movie Reviews and Host Segments, and 100% Wierd Listings for your viewing pleasure this month
Monstervision 1997 logo

Welcome to the Mostervision page.

FAQ (frequently asked question): What's the difference between Monstervision on TNT and Mystery Science Theater 3000 on the Sci-Fi channel?
Monster jokes "There are 3 types of people in the world - those who are good at math and those who aren't."

Past movies have included Star Trek 2: The Wrath Of Khan, all 3 Poltergeist movies (in a row, the same night), Back to the Future, Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, Stephen King's The Dead Zone and Christine, and even a couple of films they also made fun of on MST3K...
Following the Monstervision movie or movies was a film that TNT considers "100% Wierd". Sometimes it has something to do with the evening's selection (2 Godzilla movies were followed by "All Monsters Attack") and sometimes not. Sometimes "100% Wierd" was just a short film, Bigfoot: Man or Beast ... which is about 50% wierd. Or the classic Japanese TV-series Ultra 7, or Gilligan's Island, which is just plain silly. Each summer, Professor Joe Bob Briggs would conduct his own Summer School

These movies continue to run on TNT, TBS, and even the Sci Fi Channel in their original form. Simply print out the host segments for the movie when it comes around and read Joe Bob's comments on each segment as you watch the movie. It's the next best thing to having Joe Bob on the couch next to you...

Books by Joe Bob Briggs are available from his Amazon.com direct link

In addition to being Joe Bob Briggs on MonsterVision, John Bloom also appeared on Comedy Central's Daily Show to comment on Godstuff.
John Bloom's Godstuff page at Comedy Central. John Bloom does most or all of his own writing

MonsterVision movies transcripts list so far

Classic SciFi, Fantasy, Horror, or just plain campy monster movies previously seen on Monstervision, now scheduled on other channels (click title for Monstervision review & host segments, if available).
EST, Times shown before 7am are considered night of previous day, so you can set your VCR before going to sleep. I appologize if there are any mistakes. I didn't want to be a barber I wanted to be a Lumberjack

This Week

Date/time       Movie Title/Description Links                         Channel

Sunday, 3/7/2010
4pm/7pm EST     Barbara Walters Special (repeated @ 8:30pm PST)       ABC
5:30 PST        Academy Awards (live)                                 ABC
  Chronicles Of Narnia 2: Prince Caspian                              Starz
  Inkheart (Brendan Fraser)                                           HBO
  Spider-Man 3                                                        FX Channel
  Terminator 2 "Come with me if you want to live!"                    TNT
5:45 pm         Who Framed Roger Rabbit                               Cinemax
6:00 pm         The Banger Sisters (Goldie Hawn as a rock groupie)    LMN
  TransSiberian (2008)                                                Showtime
7:00 pm         Biography: Jimi Hendrix                               Bio Channel
  Journey to the Center of the Earth (Brendan Fraser)                 HBO Family
7:15/10:15 EST  The Big Knife (1955, Jack Palance, Ida Lupino)        Turner Classic Movies
7:30/10:30 EST  007 in From Russia With Love (1963, Sean Connery)     BBC America
8:00 pm         007 in Tomorrow Never Dies (Pierce Brosnan)           G4/Tech TV
  The Simpsons (2 eps)                                                FOX
  SuperSwarm (new, 2 hour)                                            Discovery Channel
  Goodfellas (1990, Scorsese)                                         American Movie Channel
  Grease (1978, John Travolta) & Grease 2                             VH-1
  Lakeview Terrace (2008, Samuel L. Jackson)                          Encore
  Saving Pvt. Ryan (1998, Tom Hanks, 3 hour)                          TNT
8pm & 10:30pm   Days Of Thunder (Tom Cruise as a NASCAR racer)        CMT
8pm & 9:50pm    Old School (2003 comedy)                              TBS
8:10 pm         Obsessed (2009, watch out for the new office temp)    Starz
8:15/11:15 EST  Anamorph (2007, Willem Dafoe)                         IFC
8:30 pm         Bad Boys 2                                            NBC
  The Incredibles (2004 animated, superhero family)                   Family Channel
  A Knight's Tale (2001, Heath Ledger)                                HBO Family
9:00 pm         28 Days Later (2002, zombies in London)               SYFY
  Frost/Nixon (2008, when the President does it, it's not illegal)    HBO #2
  Natalee Holloway (2009)                                             Lifetime
  Wedding Crashers (2005)                                             Comedy Central
9:30 pm         Valmont (1989)                                        Flix
9:30/12:30 EST  Alien Nation (1988, homicide cop is teamed with UFO alien) FOX Movie Channel
10:00 pm        Cold Case (new ep)                                    CBS
  The Dark Knight                                                     Cinemax
  Elegy (2008)                                                        Showtime #2
  Penitentiary 2                                                      The Movie Channel
10pm & 2am      Ax Men (new ep)                                       History Channel
10pm/1am EST    007 in From Russia With Love (1963, Sean Connery)     BBC America
10:30 pm        Accused (Jodie Foster)                                LMN
11pm/2am EST    Contempt (1963, Jack Palance)                         Turner Classic Movies
1am/4am EST     The Bad & the Beautiful (1952, Lana Turner, Kirk Douglas) Turner Classic Movies
7:15/10:15 EST  Brigadoon (1954, a village returns once every 100 years) Turner Classic Movies
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mon 3/8/2010
8:00 am         The Outer Limits 8am-4pm                              SYFY
12pm/3pm EST    I Dream of Jeannie (2 eps) & Bewitched (2 eps)        WGN (mon-fri)
1pm/4pm EST     Silk Stockings (1957)                                 Turner Classic Movies
5:00 pm         Bewitched (2 eps)                                     TV-Land (mon-fri)
3pm/6pm EST     2 Weeks In Another Town (Kirk Douglas, Edward G. Robinson) Turner Classic Movies
5pm/8pm EST     The Brothers Warner (2008, Dennis Hopper, Debbie Reynolds) Turner Classic Movies
followed by     The Jazz Singer (1927, Al Jolson)                     Turner Classic Movies
7:00 pm         Ghost Whisperer 7pm-11pm                              SYFY
  Planet Of The Apes (2001 remake)                                    HBO #2
7pm/10pm EST    The Vanishing (1993)                                  Fox Movie Channel
7:05 pm         Replicant (R, Jean-Claude Van Damme)                  Showtime
7:10 pm         Bedtime Stories (2008, fantasy)                       Starz 
8:00 pm         Chuck (new ep)                                        NBC
  A Low Down Dirty Shame (Keenen Ivory Wayans spoofs 1970s blaxploitation) BET
8:20 pm         Metroland (1997, Christian Bale)                      Sundance Channel
8:30 pm         The Uninvited (2009)                                  Cinemax
8:30/11:30 EST  I Am A Fugitive From A Chain Gang (1932)              Turner Classic Movies
9:00 pm         24 (new ep)                                           FOX
  Biography: Tom Hanks                                                Bio Channel
  Mamma Mia (2008)                                                    More Max
  Operation Repo (new ep)                                             TruTV
  Pearl Harbor (2001, Ben Affleck)                                    Starz
9pm & 1am       American Pickers/Pawn Stars (new eps)                 History Channel
9pm/12am EST    The Entity (1982)                                     FOX Movie Channel
9:45 pm         Eye See You (2002)                                    Flix
  Curse Of The Jade Dragon (Woody Allen spoof, 2001)                  HBO Family
10:00 pm        Law & Order (new ep)                                  NBC
  CSI Miami (new ep)                                                  CBS
  Castle (new ep)                                                     ABC
  Damages (new ep)                                                    FX Channel
  Diary Of A Callgirl (new ep)                                        Showtime
  Back To The Future 3                                                Encore
10:15/1:15 EST  Confessions Of A Nazi Spy (1939, Edward G. Robinson)  Turner Classic Movies
10:30/1:30 EST  Hard Candy                                            IFC
11:00 PM        (ANIME MONDAY) MONSTER/BLOOD: THE LAST VAMPIRE        SYFY
12:15/3:15 EST  The Brothers Warner (2008, Dennis Hopper, Debbie Reynolds) Turner Classic Movies
2am/5am EST     Casablanca (1942, Bogart, Greenstreet, Bergman)       Turner Classic Movies
3:45/6:45 EST   And One Was Beautiful (1940, Billie Burke)            Turner Classic Movies
5am/8am EST     The Sisters (Errol Flynn, Bette Davis)                Turner Classic Movies
6:45/9:45 EST   Meet Me In St. Louis (1944, Judy Garland)             Turner Classic Movies
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tues 3/09/2010 
8:00 am         Tru Calling marathon                                  SYFY
11am/2pm EST    My Sister Eileen (1955, Janet Leigh, Jack Lemmon)     Turner Classic Movies
1pm/4pm EST     The Bachelor & the Bobby-Soxer (1947, Cary Grant, Shirley Temple) Turner Classic Movies
2:45/5:45 EST   The Parent Trap (1961, Hayley Mills, Brian Keith)     Turner Classic Movies
5pm/8pm EST     Kurosawa's Ikiru (1952)                               Turner Classic Movies
6:30 pm         Death Becomes Her (Goldie Hawn as a zombie)           Cinemax
7:00 pm         Babe                                                  HBO Family
7:25 pm         Beverly Hills Chihuahua (2008)                        Starz
7:30 pm         Shutter (2008)                                        More Max
  National Treasure 2: Book Of Secrets (2007, Nicolas Cage)           USA Network
  What Women Want (Mel Gibson, 2000)                                  Showtime #2
7:30/10:30 EST  Throne Of Blood (1957)                                Turner Classic Movies
8:00 pm         NCIS & NCIS Los Angeles (new eps)                     CBS
  The Devil Wears Prada (2006)                                        FX Channel
  Double Cross (2006, Yancy Butler meets strangers on a train)        LMN
  007 in GoldenEye (1995, Pierce Brosnan, Sean Bean)                  G4/Tech TV
  The Preacher's Wife (1996 fantasy, remake of The Bishop's Wife)     Flix
  17 Again (2009, Matthew Perry goes back in time to high school)     HBO #2
  Space Cowboys (2000, aging astronauts find a cold war weapon in orbit) American Movie Channel
  TransSiberian (2008)                                                Showtime
  To Die For (R, 1995, Matt Dillon)                                   The Movie Channel
  WALL-E (animated, the last robot on Earth looks for humans)         Encore
  The Wild (2006, animated)                                           Disney Channel
8pm/11pm EST    Cabin Fever (2002, teens in a remote cabin vs. flesh-eating horror) IFC
8:15 pm         Day The Earth Stood Still (2008 remake)               Cinemax
8:30 pm         Inkheart (2009, Brendan Fraser)                       HBO
  Land Before Time 3 (1995, cartoon dinosaurs)                        HBO Family
9:00 pm         Lost & Forgotten (new eps)                            ABC
  Biography: John Ritter & Three's Company (2 hour)                   Bio Channel
  Stepbrothers (2008, Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly)                   Starz
9:30/12:30 EST  Kurosawa's The Hidden Fortress (1958, save me OB-1)   Turner Classic Movies
9:30/12:30 EST  Barton Fink (Hollywood satire with that Barton Fink feel) FOX Movie Channel
10:00 pm        Michael Vick Project (new ep)                         BET
  Bad Girls Club (new ep, last of season)                             Oxygen
  Blood On Her Hands (1998)                                           LMN
  Matinee (1993, John Goodman spoofs 1950s monster movies)            HBO Family
  The Mysteries Of Pittsburgh (R, 2008)                               The Movie Channel
  Street Kings (2008, Keanu Reeves, Forest Whitaker)                  Cinemax
  White Collar (new ep)                                               USA Network
  What's Love Got To Do With It? (1993, biopic of Ike & Tina Turner)  VH-1
10pm & 2am      Life After People (new ep)                            History Channel
10:15 pm        The Opposite Of Sex (Christina Ricci)                 Sundance Channel
10:30 pm        007 in GoldenEye (1995, Pierce Brosnan, Sean Bean)    G4/Tech TV
11:00 PM        STARGATE: CONTINUUM                                   SYFY
12am/3am EST    Kurosawa's Hakuchi (1951)                             Turner Classic Movies
3:00 AM         DAGON                                                 SYFY
3am/6am EST     The Lower Depths (1957, Kurosawa)                     Turner Classic Movies
5:15/8:15 EST   Meet The People (1944, Lucille Ball as Rosie the Riviter) Turner Classic Movies
7am/10am EST    2 Sisters From Boston (1946, June Allyson, Jimmy Durante) Turner Classic Movies
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wed 3/10/2010
8:00 am         Twilight Zone hour episodes 8am-10am                  SYFY
9am/12pm EST    Luxery Liner (1948, remade as TV-series The Love Boat) Turner Classic Movies
10:00 am        All Souls 10am-4pm                                    SYFY
1pm/4pm EST     Jupiter's Darling (1955, Esther Williams)             Turner Classic Movies
3pm/6pm EST     Merry Andrew (1958, Danny Kaye)                       Turner Classic Movies
5pm/8pm EST     10-movie Fred Astaire-Ginger Rogers marathon          Turner Classic Movies
                The Gay Divorcee (1934)                               Turner Classic Movies 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Walter Koenig's son Andrew, a childstar on "Growing Pains" as Boner, has been found dead of suicide. Members of the cast of Star Trek and Growing Pains have sent their sympathy to the family; he had been treated for depression and went off his meds. Walter Koenig asks that anyone wrestling with depression please get help or call someone

Josh Friedman (the Terminator TV series) is casting for a new Charlie's Angels TV-series on ABC and Moonlight's Alex O'Loughlin is close to an agreement to play the Jack Lord role in a new Hawaii 5-0. NBC has ordered several new pilots to fill the hole in primetime left by Jay Leno returning to the Tonight Show, including a new Rockford Files by the creator of TV's House, and a dramedy starring David Tennant (Doctor Who) called "Rex Is Not Your Lawyer" (I hope that's just a working title). American Movie Classics is adapting "The Walking Dead" zombie comic book for a new TV-series on the cable channel known for Mad Men and Breaking Bad. Starz is already running episodes of Sam Raimi's "Spartacus: Blood & Sand," with Lucy Lawless (Xena) as a Roman vamp. Remember Terry O'Quinn from the Monstervision feature Stepfather 2? He's no longer Mr. Nice Guy on the TV-series "Lost." He told TV Guide in January 2010 that in the 6th & final season, his character is "on a mission and he's a dark presence, almost like the devil. The more the others know about him, the more fear he inspires."
Hey, are you kids watching Play-Mate Of The Apes?
There are former MonsterVision movies on the following entire-month channel's pages. Whenever possible, I have made the movie titles on these pages MonsterVision review/host segments links:
American Movie Classics ... Turner Classic Movies ... A&E ... History Channel ... Independent Film Channel ... Encore ... Starz ... Starz in Black ... Starz Edge ... Starz Comedy ... Encore's Mystery ... Drama and Action Channels and Wam ... HBO & Cinemax ... Showtime ... Showtime's Flix Channel ... The Movie Channel ... Showtime's Family Zone and Sundance ... Showtime #2 (Showtime Too), Showtime Showcase, Showtime Extreme, Showtime Beyond, Showtime Women ... Showtime Next. Showtime HD appears to be the same as Showtime ... Starz Cinema ... Starz HDTV ... Encore Westerns ... MoviePlex ... RetroPlex ... Starz Kids & Family and Encore's Love Channel ... SciFi Channel movies & TV-marathons ... USA Network movies. Bravo!
Fox Movie Channel no longer has monthly listings, just a non-text daily list on their flash website
See Dinner & A Movie page for upcoming TBS Dinner & A Movie (Fridays), Movie & A Makeover (Saturdays), TBS Movie Extra (Thursdays & Sundays)

Note: Star Trek The Next Generation is on the SYFY channel as well as WGN weeknights @ 10pm/1am EST. A and E has The Sopranos @ 2pm Mon-Fri, and Family Channel has 2 eps of Sabrina The Teenage Witch @ 2pm Mon-Fri

Zombieland full-length trailer #2

There are no zombies in Washington DC because they eat brains

This day in history:


I don't care what you've heard, most of Air America Radio's programs are still on the air

Click here to please Zardoz.
In August 2009, Nancy Pelosi said that people opposed to the government health care plan are un-American Nazis, then she sent her flying monkeys to find Dorothy in Oz.

Watch Dracula and his Vampire Brides in its entirety courtesy of YouTube, starring Christopher Lee for Hammer Flims
Note: The SciFi Channel is changing its name to SYFY, don't ask me why why. Maybe it goes better with professional wrestling
ABC has the TV rights to "The Witches Of Eastwick" and has turned it into a TV-series similar to Desperate Housewives titled simply "Eastwick." Tom Cruise has agreed to do Mission Impossible 4 as producer, but possibly not star in it, sometime in 2011. Click here to please Zardoz.

30 Days of Night

(as reenacted by cartoon bunnies)

He's Always Russian Around


Alright, some of you turkeys still don't know what "Bimbo" means. Maybe this video will help

What's Russian for Zsa Zsa?

Have you ever been talking on the phone and forgot somebody's name? Perhaps it would help to have your brain indexed. Google announced a new service on April 1st called Brainsearch which will allow Google to search your brain for you anytime you want to remember something. It is available only for cell-phone users at this time because it uses Beta waves:


John Wayne's opinion of gun control
Website Sizzler, including free ebook: How To Generate Quick Cash In An Emergency

Four U.S. helicopters crossed into Syria on 10-27-08 to blast a terrorist camp there. The leading helicopter was flown by a shirtless guy named Rambo, wearing boxing shorts

If the number seven is lucky than I guess it must really be lucky when the stock market drops 777 points in one day...it dropped 18% in one week, a higher percentage than it did on Black Monday 10-28-29, brother can you spare a dime?
A penny a day for a month, doubled, would be 1 cent times 30 days times two, or 60 cents! Here's a 31-day list of how much you would make if it doubled every day for 31 days

Want Monstervision episodes on DVD? Here's a fansite that appears to trade DVDs amongst its member for just the cost of postage: Latenightwingman.com

Make your own banners completely free of charge at IntantBannerCreator.com

Previous MonsterVision listings here (last month, 2009)


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Scifans.com is back!
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Monstervision's 100% Weird



A full-color recreation of Joe Bob's Saturday Night homepage (1999/2000) is now viewable. The links all work.
BBC will stop playing April Fools Day pranks when penguins fly

Yes, that's Terry Jones of Monty Python as the host, 2008
How it was created

Of course, April is also the month of the annual Spaghetti Harvest

Did you forget to send an important email? Google now has a Gmail feature that allows you to send email as far back in time as April 1, 2004. Gmail utilizes an e-flux capacitor to resolve issues of causality. Click here for details. Posted by Google on April 1. The 1st day of April.

Full seasons now available: Buy Smallville DVDs at WBTVShop.com!

What if Ebay had a secret website where everything is half-off all the time? Click here

Check out the new ad for Indiana Jones 4 (2008)

MST3K is Back!   - RiffTrax

More weird videos posted at the Ripley's Believe It Or Not pages

1980s eps of Knight Rider have moved to MyRTN: Retro Television Network, available in 40 states so far

Click Here if you don't know what "Click Here" means
Click here if you think your job sucks. What's up, Tiger Lily?

MonsterVision Bios of Joe Bob, the Mail Girl, etc. And of course, Professor Joe Bob also has his own Q&A page

Joe Bob Briggs recent interview (January 2006) page 1, page 2...Interview with Mike Nelson of MST3000
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

----------------->>> The Mean Kitty Song <<<-------------------


The budget for Spider-Man 3 was around $350,000,000 making it the most expensive movie ever made. Not to be confused with the low-budget Lon Chaney, Jr. monster movie Spider Baby (1964, with the opening credits music narrated by Chaney himself)
Faster, Pussycat, Kill, Kill! (the lost scene)

Ed Wood (with Martin Landau as Bela Lugosi, as he was filming Plan 9 from Outer Space) is seen occasionally on AMC's sister station, Independent Film Channel

Download & watch your favorite TV-shows online from episodes of "24" to Star Trek, whether they're available on video/DVD or not!
Or your choice of over 3000 movies online

Joe Bob Briggs interview from November 2006 is now archived online

You've heard about it, check it out for yourself. The George Orwell spoof: Why 2008 won't be like 1984 put together by a fan of Obama

Clip posted at YouTube: Bob Denver intros Mysterious Island for TNT's MonsterVision

If this link doesn't work it's not my fault (no pathetic excuses)

Would you like to have Joe Bob speak at
your next meeting or corporate event?
Fill out this form, so that he can get back
to you with all the exciting details!

Aslan Take them The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe theatrical trailers swiped from
www.Narnia.com
have been moved to the new
Chronicles of Narnia movie page
Aslan is on the move. Sequel coming soon

Check out Pirates Of The Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest or the Flying Dutchman may get you with its kracken

Golden Age of Radio online including The Shadow and Doc Savage


Happy Halloween from Dr. Loomis
Note: if you used a search engine to get to this page, the listings may be out of date. Click here to refresh page:
Webmasters, feel free to link to this entire page - http://www.Monstervision.org
There will never be popups or popunders here, though I do enjoy a good apple popover now and then if its cooked right

Remember, it's just Five Million Years To Earth

If you see any problems with this website, you'll have to check with the Dungeonmaster. The webmaster is taking a nap
Now available from Amazon.com Joe Bob Briggs narrates "A Double Dose of Joe Bob Briggs: "The Double-D Avenger" and "Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter" You can buy it at Joe Bob's new official site www.joebobbriggs.com and he'll even autograph it for you.

MonsterVision Rating System
G ..... General Audiences, all ages allowed
PG.... Profanity Guaranteed, all ages allowed
R ..... Restricted, no one under 17 allowed unless they like looking at nekkid chicks or bloody violence and can talk the babysitter into pretending to be their parent to get them in. Unless of course she's a psycho Sitter
NC17... No children under 17, cause this movie has X-rated sex or violence that Hollywood doesn't want to call X-rated anymore. The British & Germans have a number-based ratings system, and the French use one based on bleu cheese

Joe Bob Briggs bio from 1999 (he blooms anywhere)
There are books by Joe Bob Briggs available on the bio page, but none about Monstervision

Joe Bob's unlisted phone numberClick here for Joe Bob's secret home phone number

This vast website devoted to Monstervision built and maintained by half-vast fans

Best movies ever made by Japanese guys in monster suits...with links to Monstervision's host segments for "Godzilla" and "Godzilla vs Mothra" (Joe Bob just loved the tiny women who sing to Mothra)

A word from God

Big Trouble In Little China fans, for a free computer game based on your favorite movie, go to the Big Trouble In Little China computer game on the Wingkong.net fan website for free download. And don't worry if you don't get the rules right away, you weren't brought into this world to get it, Mr. Burton.
And here's Kurt Russell's opinion of Osama Bin Ladin.
Email: scifans@gmail

Click here to sign up for a weekly Email from Joe Bob, news you can't use, guaranteed. Want to drop Joe Bob a note? Send email to joebob@joebobbriggs.com

Longer version of that music the Phantom plays on a pipe organ

Click here for Christine (the movie review & host segments, not the demon-possessed car from Hell itself)

Or visit Boris Karloff, he's lonely

Kolchak, the Night Stalker page

Lock your doors, lock your windows, and click here for the "Halloween" movies

Halloween is 20 years old, happy birthday!

Animated graphics © 2003 by The Animation Factory.

Be vewy vewy qwiet. I'm hunting wabbits. Bad, bad talking-cat

® Monstervision is a registered trademark of nobody

This electric site
Help keep this on a popup-free website. Buy something from our sponsors!
Click here to hear your computer scream again

Or here for Return of the Living Dead

Please note: this website is for intelligent people, not this guy
Was that the boogie-man?

Guess who's coming to dinner

Welcome to the party, pal

Monstervision Error 404 Page (it's fun)

See anything on this page you don't like? Contact the Webmaster. Not to be confused with the Puppet Master. Whatever you do, for God's sake, don't attempt to contact the zombie/undead "Puppet Master." You've been warned. That's all I can do.

Episodes of Wierd Science can be seen on Starz channel "Wam" What do you little maniacs want to do first?

The Visitors are coming to the Sci-Fi Channel in a remake of "V" with Robert Englund of Nightmare On Elm Street as a "friendly" alien

Greetings from The Visitors

Hamster Dance!

Or visit the Neko homepage

Click here if you want to be a spammer

Note: if you want to printout this page, be sure your printer is set to black ink & no background. And that it has ink in it. And paper

Monstervision…

What was the question again?

42% of all statistics are fake

10 Reasons Not To Kill George Bush


Your uncle was a monkey, swinging through the trees
Or don't you believe in Human origins?

Willard! There are rats in the basement!

"The majority is always wrong" - Steve McQueen

View MonsterVision Guestbook
Sign MonsterVision Guestbook


Terrorists are not cowards, they're the enemy...Annihilate them
Joe Bob Briggs

They're creepy and they're kooky, mysterious and ookie, they're altogether spooky, the Addams Family.

It's A Joke, Son (256k video mp4)

Important Note: This is not a chain letter. It was not started decades ago in the Netherlands, nor was it perpetrated centuries ago by some deranged monk on Easter Island (which is highly unlikely in the first place, since EMACS only works on smart display terminals, and they weren't available on Easter Island back then, due largely to the U.S. state department's vigorous ban on exportation of advanced technology to deranged monks on equatorial islands).

There is no luck associated with this letter. Hence, it is pointless to send five copies of this letter to people you like. In fact, it is vigorously discouraged, since, by sending this letter through the postal service, you are needlessly burdening an already overworked system. You also increase the chance of the postal service losing mail. Murphy's Law will take effect here, resulting in your letter being delivered the next day, and a Red Cross package to a needy individual in Zimbabwe to be accidentally re-routed to Hackensack, New Jersey, thus becoming lost forever. You do not stand a chance, however, of displacing any junk mail.

If you break the chain, and fail to send five copies of this letter to other unfortunate individuals, then absolutely nothing extraordinary will happen to you. If, on the other hand, you do propagate five copies of this letter, then absolutely nothing extraordinary will happen to you, either.

"The Freaks" start doing the gooble gobble chant at a wedding reception (1932). By the way, this movie was banned in Britain for 30 years, and even the ending was edited out before it was released in America, and the ending on the storyboard wasn't approved for filming (it involved an ax and a bag of feathers)

People who think logically are a nice contrast to the rest of the world
Nine of ten people suffer from hemorrhoids. Do the others enjoy them?

"If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, Sweetheart," said the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready."
"Good, what are we having for breakfast?" asked the new husband.
"Toast and juice," she replied.

The drive-in will never die!!!

"MonsterVision" was cancelled by the ungrateful weasels at TNT
Later gator,
Joe Bob

"Don't believe anything you read on the net. Except this. Well, including this, I suppose." Douglas Adams (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

More Blonde Jokes:
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tripped over the cordless phone.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind.
She told someone to meet her at the corner of WALK and DON'T WALK.
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius."
If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes happened around the home, she moved.
Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? ...It took her months to figure out she could use it at night.
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? ..."Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice? ...Because it said "concentrate."
Why can't blondes take coffee breaks? They're too hard to retrain.
What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle? A dope ring.
Why can't blondes be pharmacists? Because they can't fit the bottle in the typewriter.
What's the definition of eternity? 4 blondes at a 4-way stop.
What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean? An air pocket.
What do you call a basement full of blondes? A whine cellar.
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts? "This Goes In Front."
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? "Oh, look!! Donut seeds!
"When I went to Wal-Mart for the first time...I always thought they sold wallpaper. I didn't realize it was everything. You can get anything you want there for really, really cheap." Paris Hilton



Many more blonde jokes

The latest blond joke is in the Miss Teenage America contest from someplace on the maps known as Carolina (not near Asian countries or the Iraq) and all of you U.S. Americans can see it here

What's the difference between Congress and a clown college? Some people still respect clowns

Heroes of 9/11 and 3000 Names

This page © the great and powerful Bill Laidlaw. Coca Cola has been 100% cocaine-free since 1929

In February 2008 two thieves with knives invaded the north Texas home of 80 year old James Pickett but he got so mad when one of them said something bad about John Wayne he put them both in the hospital with cracked heads. Them's fightin' words!

Legal crap for this world wide website

Happy New Year from my cat
Fun fact: As of 1995, Yahoo.com had a indexed over 15,000 websites!

Some graphics on this page are from the Angelfire Graphics Library...That's the fact, Jack

Need a program to process windows media audio? Freeware available at this fansite (WMA, WMV and ASF)

Remember, a bird in the bush is worth half a bird in your hand, a word is worth one-thousandth of a picture, and the early worm gets eaten by a bird. That's my 2˝˘ worth

Can't find any hosted bad movies to watch? How about hosted bad movie trailers...check out the website Trailersfromhell.com, they appear to have a different hosted bad movie trailer 3 days a week. After you hear the hosted version, click un-narrated version to hear the trailer's original audio, in all it's glory!

What has four legs and an arm? A pit bull.
What has four legs and an ear? Mike Tyson's pit bull.
What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker? "Hop in." The Drive-In will never die!

The use of solar energy has not been opened up because the oil industry does not own the sun
Ralph Nader (1980)
Sometimes it's hard to get a Taxi


Save the Sea Kittens
Are banks a necessary evil or just plain evil?
"The nincompoops in my audience greatly outnumber the compoops"
Brother Theodore Gottlieb (1996) David Letterman Show
If everyone is thinking alike, then nobody is thinking
Fun with audio:
If you say "Thank you Satan" into your computer and play it backwards, it sounds like "Yes We Can"
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