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063001
The talk show reunion
I was a Daddy's girl. I remember cuddling in front of the TV to watch
wrestling with him on Saturdays. When I was eight, my parents divorced. My two older
brothers were the first to act out, and I became the good one because I thought my mom
would go insane if she had three children on a rampage.
For the longest time, I prayed God would give me the talk show reunion,
that I would reunite with my Dad on the Sally Jesse show. But when that didn't happen, I
slowly refused to let myself be healed. I pushed away potential friends and refused to
remember any events, save for school.
About a year ago, I decided to leave my phone number with my grandparents
in Florida, who said my Dad usually calls every three to four months. He called a week
later. I didn't realize how angry I was with him, and all the hurt and pain I shoved deep
within me lashed out. I called to reconcile last November, but it turns out he left his
second wife, too. Now I don't know whether or not he is alive.
Then last February, a friend of mine asked me to go to a YFC retreat. I
was extremely skeptical and convinced that the group was a cult. They prayed for me at my
first retreat and it was incredible. For the first time, I talked to God about all the
hurt that was going on inside of me.
I finally allowed myself to be healed.
Though I still don't know where my father is, I'm not upset. I know that
I will see him again someday. God will protect him as He is protecting me.
God also gave me a special gift: a memory from the first three years of
my parents' divorce. I had blocked out my memories from this time of my life, but God
reminded me that my father did try to keep in contact with us by visiting.
Being healed is a spiritual experience. If you can just try to see that
God is always with you, you will never feel the pain of loneliness again. |
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People say that God's
grace is like rain -- one gets drenched in it. Refusing His grace is often like holding an
umbrella in the rain. Kimmy is a psychology and sociology major at the University of
Illinois at Chicago. She speaks the testimony part of a talk from the regular camp,
"Healing, Repentance, Forgiveness and Faith." She likes putting people at ease
with riddles. As is custom with YFC talks and
sharings, I will begin with a joke. Actually, it's more of a riddle: A plane was flying
from Colorado to Canada. It crashes right on the border of the U.S. and Canada. Where do
you bury the 57 survivors? Hah. You don't bury survivors.
I was a daddy's girl. I remember cuddling with him in front of the television watching
wrestling on Saturdays. My parents divorced when I was about eight years old. Six months
prior to the divorce, my father would disappear for a day or two only to be returned by
the police. I took the divorce extremely hard. My two brothers were first to act out so I
took on the role as the good child. I thought that if my mother had three children who
acted out she would go crazy so I remained calm. Because I seemed alright on the outside,
no one would ask me how I was doing. They would only ask how my family was doing. That
made me feel that no one cared about me. Little did I know that God was there to comfort
me when I needed it. Because of the feeling of lonliness I became very depressed and
angry. I lashed out at everyone around me loosing many potential friends in the process.
The only friends that remained in my life were those who I knew before the divorce.
For the longest time, I would pray to God for the talk show ideal. I always wanted someone
to call me on the phone and tell me that my father wanted to reunite with me on the Sally
Jesse show. I was convinced that I would have the happy reunion that I saw so many people
having. That never came true and I was slipping deeper and deeper into depression. I
couldn't let myself be healed. Though God had given me so many people who had the ability
to make me feel better, I would only let a miracle of sorts heal me.
It was like the story of the man with cancer. He prayed to God for
healing from his cancer. In walked a doctor who said he could cure his cancer through
radiation. The man said, "No thank you. God will heal me." After the doctor
left, a nutritionist walked in and said she could cure the man's cancer through proper
nutrition. Once again the man said, "No thank you. God will heal me." Soon
after, the man died. When he went to heaven he asked, "God, why did you not heal
me?" God replied, "My foolish child, I sent you the doctor and the nutritionist
to heal you." That is how my life was. I was asking for healing but wouldn't let the
people God sent to help me.
Then about a year and a half ago, God gave me a gift. I decided that I would leave my
phone number with my grandparents in Florida in the off chance that my father would call.
My grandmother said he calls every 3-4 months. My father called a week later.
Unexpectedly, I was extremely angry. All the hurt and pain that I had pushed deep inside
of me was coming to the surface. I yelled and screamed at my father for leaving and for
not calling. I was also confused at why I could not recognize his voice. Instead of the usually Midwest
blasaise accent, he had a deep, Southern accent. I resisted his attempts to have a
relationship with me. I guess I figured that now that he is in my life he can wait until
God heals me. I did not take into context that God could take him away again. Last
November, I called him to try and reconcile but I found out that he had left his second
wife the exact same way he left his first. Now I did not know where he was or whether he
was alive.
I was extremely angry and upset at my dad, myself, and God. Then last February, a friend
of mine asked me to go with her to a Youth for Christ retreat. I was extremely skeptical.
I had no idea what YFC was about or whether or not it was a cult. I had heard the stories
of college students being sucked into a cult that looked Christian and I was convinced
this was one of them. (Now I know it's not.) They prayed for me at my first retreat, and
it was incredible. I cried the entire time and talked to God about all the hurt that was
going on inside of me.
I finally allowed myself to be healed. All the anger, frustration,
madness, and depression I felt about my parents' divorce 10 years ago was released and I
was finally healed. Afterwards, I was filled with an overwhelming joy. I was actually
happy for the first time in a decade. I am no longer apprehensive talking about my faith.
I have a deep and personal relationship with Christ that I have never had before. There is
this need inside of me to tell everyone about my experience.
Though I still do not know where my father is, I am not upset. I know that I will see him
again whether on earth or in heaven. God will protect him just as he is protecting me. He
also is giving me another gift. The first three years after the divorce, I blocked out all
memories with the exception of school. I did not have any recollection of birthdays or
everyday events in my life. While driving to West Virginia for spring break earlier this
year, God allowed my mind to open up and he gave a memory of those years. It was truly
unexpected and I remembered that my father did try to keep in contact with us by visiting.
God also blessed me in many ways. I could find reasons for things
happening that I didn't know before. I understand that many things in my life are just
tests that teach me valuable lessons. I have the drive to bring people to the Church that
I did not have before. He gave me an awesome job that I never saw myself having.
Being healed is an very spiritual experience. There is a poem that can explain how I felt
towards God and how he felt towards me. If you can just try to see that God is always with
you, you will never feel the pain of lonlieness again.
FOOTPRINTS:
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand; 1 belonging to him and the other to the Lord. When the last scene
of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed
that many times along the path of his life there was only one set offootprints. He also
noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life. This really
bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said that once I
decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the
most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand
why, when I needed you most, you would leave me?" The Lord replied, "My
precious, precious child. I love you and would never leave youi. During your times of
trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried
you." Author Unknown
(Kimberly Galinat) Next story |
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Kimmy at Candy Ramos' graduation party
Kim's Art
Here are some drawings from Kimmy's journal.
New name
Unity after Seattle
Choose or lose
Why our youth need to vote
8 of 10
I am secure
M.A.Y.D. by God
The Lyrical Worshippers
EXERT
State of teamwork and trust
Wanna write?
Take a stab at getting published!
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