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Tales Of Monsterpath
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The Quest For The Lost Secret Board
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From: Xim
| Posted: 12/25/2004 2:46:26 PM | Message Detail
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What new adventures await the hunters at Web Wars? Find out next time! (Just pre-empting).
warutrid: There it is! Web Wars!
DocProc: I.. I can't believe it. We're here! It's as if we've wasted two entire chapters to reach this place!
Xim: Odd.. I remember it being much more lively than this..
slobr: Let's just hope it's the Board we're looking for.
ravenwarrior: Only one way to find out..
Everyone: Lost Secret Board!
dwimmerlaik: You'd think the password would be a little more inconspicuous..
Xim: ..Nothing's happening.
*the hunters wait around for about ten minutes*
DocProc: What the heck?! Is this not the right board?!
Icarus Ascending: Way to delay the story even further, Xim.
Xim: Shut up! Maybe we're not doing it right. Are you sure we all enunciated correctly? That "cr" in secret can be a bit tricky, you know.
dwimmerlaik: Maybe it's already started. The Clue mentioned we had to kill each other. Maybe that'll swing things into motion.
*hits warutrid with a trout*
warutrid: Aargh! Trout! How did you know my weakness?!
ravenwarrior: *also hitting war*
No, that can't be right. How would the Hunter have known he was supposed to fight his friends? I say we wait around a little longer for some sort of signal.
slobr: *hits warutrid with a chair*
Yeah, you're right, rav. Hitting each other won't accomplish anything. We must have patience.
*15 minutes later*
Icarus Ascending: Wow, war sure can take a beating.
Xim: And still no sign from the Board! Maybe this isn't the right place..
*suddenly, a grand flash of light blinds the group*
ravenwarrior: Ahhh! What is that?!
warutrid: My eyes! My poor, bloody eyes!
dwimmerlaik: Sorry, I took the Map out to take a look at the Clue again! I guess its magnificence was to great for us to gaze upon!
DocProc: Wait, there's something there!
*as the brilliant light fades, a tall figure stands near the group*
Tall Figure: Welllll, hellooooooo!
dwimmerlaik: Oh no! It's a Map-seeker!
ravenwarrior: Are you here because the challenge has been started?!
Tall Figure: Uhyeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhys!
Xim: Why are you talking like that?
Tall Figure: I had a stuhrooooooke!
Icarus Ascending: Well cut it out.
Tall Figure: Okay.. Well, my name is Mekeshai! I'm here to tell you about the next challenge!
dwimmerlaik: Mekeshai? What kind of name is that?
*readjusts his "My name is dwimmerlaik" nametag*
Mekeshai: Sorry I was late. I had to take care of my weak back.
DocProc: Since when have you had a weak back?
Mekeshai: Oh, about a week back.
Icarus Ascending: So what's this challenge we must overcome? Do we have to kill each other or something?
Mekeshai: Oh my goodness, no! Whoever gave you that idea?!
*everyone points at warutrid*
Mekeshai: No, no, no! You don't kill each other! You compete in a competition to kill these things!
*points at a pen of small furry animals behind him*
Whoever kills the most within five minutes will emerge victorious, and I shall grant my wisdom to!
Xim: So all we have to do is kill those things? Sounds easy enough! PETA, eat your heart out! |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 12/25/2004 2:47:26 PM | Message Detail
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*all the hunters jump in the pin and are about to start killing the fuzzy little animals, when..*
Xim: *raises Christmas Ham high in the air*
Strange.. can't seem to.. bring self to.. hurt fuzzy little critters! Too.. cute! Self-narration.. in full effect!
Fuzzy little bunny-squirrel: Coo-coo?
*looks up at warutrid with innocent, frightened eyes*
warutrid: ..Awwwww.. we can't do this, guys! We'd better leave this challenge to another group!
dwimmerlaik: *smashes one of the animals to bits with a sledge hammer*
Yeah, I might probably hate myself in the morning if I remember I did this that long from now.
ravenwarrior: Interesting.. dwimmerlaik doesn't seem affected by their cuteness..
*struggles to bring his sword down on one of them*
Icarus Ascendng: Maybe we should just leave this challenge to him..?
Mekeshai: No! Stop, what are you doing?!
slobr: What do you mean? We're competing, just like you said!
Mekeshai: No, no! You're not supposed to use your own weapons! Here, use these!
*throws some oversized heart-shaped wands to the hunters*
Xim: Hmm..
*crushes a baby seal*
Hey, it seems a lot easier now! We're killing them, but it's like we're killing them with love!
dwimmerlaik: And pain!
*swings heart wand wildly*
Icarus Ascending: Wow, this is easy now! Why didn't you mention this earlier, Mekeshai?!
Mekeshai: Sorry, I'm new at this.. my real job is a telemarketing scam employee.
Low introductory rates!
DocProc: Wow, that is amazing! I'm sold!
Mekeshai: But I didn't even.. oh, well. Can't argue with good business!
*as the group finishes off the rest of the animals, the bloodflow slows to mere stream*
Xim: Huff. huff. Well, we did it, Mekeshai! Now, who won, and where's that wisdom you promised us?
Mekeshai: No, I'm afraid not yet. There's still one more animal hiding in the corner of the pen there.
ravenwarrior: Hmm?
*everyone walks over to see a rather large, ugly, hunched over cute furry animal*
Icarus Ascending: Wait a minute.. is that..?!
What does ravenwarrior notice about this animal? Is it a reunion of father and son? Oh, after all these years..! Sort of brings a tear to your eye doesn't it? Maybe you should stop cutting onions and smearing them on your retina. Find out what's up next time, here on Quest For Th.. oh, forget it. |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 12/25/2004 2:47:52 PM | Message Detail
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Next up is "Quest For The Lost Secret Board", followed by "I Was A Teenage WonderSwan" at 7:00! Don't touch that dial! Pervert.
*the hunters gather 'round the big ole animal.. trying to see what rav noticed about it*
Xim: ..What?! You again?!
Smug: Arr! Tis I! Ye may have humiliated me men before, but this time it's personal! Beating me at cards is one thing, but attacking me crew is quite another!
slobr: What the hell?! They attacked us!
Smug: D'aar! That may be, but no one told you to resist!
DocProc: Curse you, logic! Foiled again!
Icarus Ascending: Wait a second! What the hell are you doing in this animal pen?
Smug: I knew you'd be comin' here, so I cleverly was captured by that Mekeshai guy there who mistook me for a deer!
Now, prepare yeselves fer Davy Jones' Locker! I'll lay waste to ye scallawags!
Icarus Ascending: Oh yeah? You and what army?
Smug: This one!
*points at the steadily advancing fleet of pirate ships near the Web Wars bay, each ship filled with at least thirty cutthroat pirates*
Xim: Well then. Too bad you couldn't stick around, Captain Smug. I guess we'll see you again sometime.
Smug: Yarr, that we will. So long!
*turns to leave*
Hey, wait a minute..
*when Smug turns back around, Xim and the others can be seen off near the horizon, running like hell times two hundred and forty-six*
Smug: Gaar! I lose more hunters that way! After them!
Pirates: YARRRR!!
Wait a minute. Pirates chasing our hunting friends again? This isn't a new adventure at all! You lied to me!
Xim: Hey, shut up! What about the whole killing cute things with heart-shaped weapons? Think of it! The Hunter said it broke his heart to do it! Get it? It's like, killing them all broke his weapon. Haw haw.
You'll pay for this. Oh, you'll pay.
*sometime later*
Xim: Huff.. puff.. We must have been running.. for at least four hours now. Did.. anyone see.. what happened to rav?
Icarus Ascending: I think we lost him awhile ago..
DocProc: Let's stop.. and wait for him..
*the group comes to a halt*
Xim: I think.. I think it's safe to stop for the night now. They're pirates, after all. They're probably not used to so much running, and they're not as good at navigating these wildlands as us hunters.
DocProc: Which therefore makes them superior to Ninjas.
*several minutes later*
ravenwarrior: Ah, there you guys are! Sorry for the wait. I had to bleed the lizard.
dwimmerlaik: You murderer!
*wipes bunny blood off his hands*
*as the night comes, the tension of the hunters grows as they all feel the approaching enemy*
dwimmerlaik: Stay on guard, guys. They could strike at any moment.
Xim: Yeah. I'll keep one hand on my Christmas Ham's hilt all night if I have to. It's probably not a good idea for all of us to sleep tonight. Good thinking, dwimmy.
dwimmerlaik: Zzzzzz.... |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 12/25/2004 2:49:01 PM | Message Detail
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*warutrid is put on first watch; when he wakes up, he hears the sound of steadily advancing footsteps*
warutrid: AHHH! ENEMY AT 3 0'CLOCK!
Xim: *yawns and looks at his watch*
I'll say.. whuh?! Ah, attack!
*the hunters spring to their feet as one (except for Icarus Ascending, who is mumbling something about fried eggs in his sleep)*
*Together, they charge the approaching threat with Xim in the front*
*Xim stops suddenly after recognizing the figure*
Xim: Guys! Stop! This is Groovilicious! She's been my partner on a few hunts! It's okay!
DocProc: *steps on the emergency brake*
Whoa! You two know each other? Thanks for stopping me. There's no telling what kind of costly and bad-tasting medication I would have prescribed to her if you hadn't. ..Huh? ..Did you say SHE?!
slobr: A female?!
ravenwarrior: Wait, there's no women on the internet! There can't be! FAKER!
dwimmerlaik: OMG hi2u
Xim: Groovi! What are you doing way out here in the middle of the night?!
Groovilicious: You're one to talk! Why are you assaulting innocent strangers taking moonlit strolls? I thought you were over that.
Xim: Just because you don't have that fetish doesn't make it weird!
Icarus Ascending: You'd best answer Xim's question, lady. Just because you know each other doesn't mean you're not hostile.
slobr: ..I thought you were asleep.
Icarus Ascending: Ixnay on the othole play!
DocProc: What?
Icarus: You don't know? It's pig latin! Anybody can do it! You see.. in pig latin, my name would be..
*gets slapped upside the head by ravenwarrior*
ravenwarrior: I thought you were supposed to be the serious one! Okay, Groovilicious, what are you doing out here?
Groovilicious: I always hunt late at night!
Xim: It's true.
Groovilicious: Finished with your interrogation? What are you doing out here so late attacking people?
slobr: Sorry, we thought you were with the enemy.
Groovilicious: Enemy?
dwimmerlaik: Yeah, pirates. Hundreds of 'em.
Groovilicious: Pirates.
DocProc: *nods enthusiastically*
Groovilicious: You guys.. um.. didn't get into Xim's stash of "adult" mayonnaise, did you?
Xim: Come now, Groovi. You know they'd have far less ham-sized-indentations on their skulls if that were the case.
*Xim tells Groovilicious the story of their entire adventure and other boring stuff I don't feel like typing*
Groovilicious: Wow, this is big. No wonder people are after you. What an amazing Map!
DocProc: Actually, Groovi, that's a discarded popsickle stick. We couldn't get the real Map away from dwimmerlaik.
Groovilicious: So it is. Well, well, I must say, I'm interested! I've never even heard of this Lost Secret Board, but there's bound to be some cool stuff there! What do you say? Want a perceptive gal like me to come along?
slobr: I don't know. While your perceptive abilities are not in question, with every new member, our shares of the Treasure gets smaller. Not to mention the fact that our supplies are starting to run short. We may need some time to think about it before we make any kind of--
Xim: Yeah! Welcome aboard, Groovi!
warutrid: Glad to have you with us!
Groovilicious: Thanks guys! Where's our next destination?
dwimmerlaik: Let's see.. the next clue reads..
Baym! What will be the next clue? Join us next time to find out! |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 12/25/2004 2:50:34 PM | Message Detail
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Quest For The Lost Secret Board is a work of fiction. Any resemblance between the secret board hunters depicted in this story and actual human beings, whether living or dead, is a crying shame.
Xim: Wait one second! We can't start a new hunt yet. We haven't received that Mekeshai guy's wisdom yet, the challenge isn't over!
Groovilicious: You're right! But we're being chased by some pirates now. How do you expect us to get back there?
dwimmerlaik: Speaking of which, they're awfully slow.
slobr: Well, what should we do?
Xim: Let's split up. That way, we can continue onto the next Board without--
warutrid: Hold it right there! There's a legion of scurvy warriors chasing us, and you think we should split up?
Xim: It only makes sense. dwim, you take slobr and Proc and search the basement. Icarus, rav, and war, you guys search the attic. I'll take Groovi and search the inside of the janitor's closet! Come on gang, let's solve this mystery!
slobr: Ran I rave a rooby rack?
Groovilicious: Shut up, Slobr Dooby Doo.
DocProc: Zoinks! Like, what if the Ghastly Gardener finds us first?
ravenwarrior: Wait, hold on. Who's going to go back to Mekeshai's place?
Xim: Oh, right. Sorry, got a little caught up in the moment there.
*takes off ascot*
First we'll have to decide who probably won the competition.
warutrid: Probably dwimmerlaik.
Xim: Well, yeah, but we need the Map to find the next Board. And unless you wanna give it another shot, dwimmerlaik has to come with the group that goes to the next Board.
Icarus Ascending: Actually, I think I might have gotten more than dwim.
Xim: All right then. You'll go back to Web Wars then. Anyone else think they got more than dwimmy?
ravenwarrior: How about slobr?
slobr: What? Oh, well, yeah! I do enjoy killing cute things.
Xim: Okay then, Icarus and slobr, you two head back. But who else? One more person should go with them.
Groovilicious: Let's see now. Xim, dwimmerlaik, warutrid and I should probably go to the next Board, so that just leaves ravenwarrior and Proc.
DocProc: I'll go with them.
warutrid: Wait, what about me? I'm the warrior, maybe I killed the most!
ravenwarrior: Haha, good one. Well, I don't have any objections to that. So it'll be me, Groovi, dwimmerlaik, war and Xim heading to the next Board. Icarus, Proc and slobr, you guys head back.
slobr: Ooh, scenario time!
*slobr, Proc and Icarus head off to Web Wars, never to be heard from again (or until a later chapter)*
warutrid: So, what's up with the next Boar, dwimmerlaik?
dwimmerlaik: "Board #4: The Wolf Den was full of peril, yet I managed to somehow make it out alive. Their leader was terrible, but luckily Kinnison was able to protect us from him. He even made a scar across that monster's face! I'm not sure how he did it, but their leader conceded defeat once we wounded him."
ravenwarrior: Kinnison.. that's the name of an old board hunter, you guys! Whoever made this Map was in league with Kinnison?!
Groovilicious: Wow! But where is this Wolf Den, I wonder?
dwimmerlaik: The Map shows the next Board is somewhere on TurboGrafx-16..
Xim: Judging by this thick forest, that's where we are now! We should be pretty close.
*the five hunters continue their hike through the woods to Grandmother's House*
dwimmerlaik: *stuffing his face with some of the goodies in the basket*
I hope we're not stopped by some big, bad wolf!
Groovilicious: That red dress suits you, dwimmy.
*suddenly, in the clearing ahead, there comes a growlin'*
warutrid: Uh oh. Wolves..
Groovilicious: They're huge!
*the wolves stand at least 3 feet above the ground on all fours and are at least 6 feet long*
*they menacingly set their sights on Xim and the others* |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 12/25/2004 2:51:13 PM | Message Detail
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Xim: Feh. I don't care how big they are! There's only two of them, and there are five of us! They look hungry, though. Let's see how they like a taste of my giant ham!
Groovilicious: Why must you turn everything into a sexual innuendo?
Xim: Here I come!
*charges towards the wolves*
ravenwarrior: *jumps in front of Xim*
STOP!
Xim: *screeches to a halt*
Ahh! What are you doing?! I almost smashed your head in!
ravenwarrior: These aren't ordinary wolves. They're werewolves -- demon wolves. Any damage you would deal to them would simply heal as fast as you strike! All you would succeed in doing is just annoying them. And they're not even in their near-invincible wolf man form or "Crinos".
Groovilicious: Then how do you propose we get out of this situation?
ravenwarrior: Werewolves are very territorial creatures. We're not in any situation yet as we haven't crossed into their realm. They're merely warning us to turn around. But we need to get past them to reach the next Board. Stand back. I'll handle these beasts.
*unsheathes Vaitz Blade*
warutrid: Shut up!
ravenwarrior: Whuh?
warutrid: I'm the warrior here! I'll handle it!
ravenwarrior: But I haven't even told you how to--
warutrid: Yaaaar!
*several minutes later*
warutrid: ARRRGH! SWEET JESUS, THE PAIN! WHY AREN'T YOU GUYS HELPING ME?! AHHHHHH!
Xim: Wow, warutrid has a lot of blood.
warutrid: AHHHHHHHH!!
dwimmerlaik: Not as much as he had five minutes ago, of
course.
*the wolves take a coffee break as warutrid rejoins his companions whom are engaging in heated debate concerning the best ice cream flavor*
warutrid: *crawling with the bloody stumps once known as arms*
I.. I'm sorry, you guys. I should.. have left it.. to rav.
Xim: Yeah, those demon wolves don't seem so tough!
ravenwarrior: Demon wolves? When we're through with them,
they'll be more like dreamin' wolves!
Groovilicious: That was pretty lame.
dwimmerlaik: I could've done better. I would've said something about the Map. I have it, you know.
ravenwarrior: Look, they can't ALL be the Theory of Relativity, okay?
warutrid: Excuse me. Comrade bleeding to death over here. Maybe you--
Xim: Wait, wait. I've got one. "Demon wolves? More like semen wolves!"
ravenwarrior: How is THAT not lame?
warutrid: I really.. could use.. some help..
dwimmerlaik: I've got it. "Crinos? Mo' like GONNA cry when I smack you upside da nose!"
Xim: That's just awful.
warutrid: Agony.. unbearable. Medical treatment.. needed to.. sustain my life.
Groovilicious: Hold on, I've got one that plays off that whole cry thing. Ahem. "Devil may cry, but demon wolf gonna die!"
warutrid: Life.. flashing before.. my eyes.
Xim: Oh, I like that one!
dwimmerlaik: As do I. Lyrical, yet topical. Let's use that one.
warutrid: *gasp*
Organs.. have been.. rearranged.. in alphabetical.. order.. ghhhk..
*warutrid passes out in a puddle of some red, liquidy substance*
Next time: the battle with the werewolf tribe begins! |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 12/25/2004 2:51:44 PM | Message Detail
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When we last left the hunters, they were at the mercy of two exceptionally ferocious werewolves. Let's watch them get slaughtered so this ridiculous story comes to an end.
ravenwarrior: ..So here's the plan: you three distract the werewolves and I'll climb this tree and surprise them from above.
dwimmerlaik: Sounds to me like you want to run away and leave the rest of us for dead.
Quit stealing my ideas!
Xim: Okay, you can count on us. Let's do it, rav!
Groovilicious: But wait! What if we're bitten by them?! Won't we become werewolves too?!
ravenwarrior: No, that's only in the movies.
Groovilicious: But how are you going to do this? I thought you said any wounds we inflict on them will just heal back instantly.
ravenwarrior: The only way to kill a werewolf is with a silver weapon.
Xim: Thank goodness for non-movie cliches.
ravenwarrior: Luckily, the Vaitz Blade is silver, otherwise we'd be in a whole lot more trouble than we are now.
Groovilicious: Well, let's do this before we have any second thoughts~!
*Groovi, Xim and dwimmerlaik run toward the wolves who are listening to headphones, patiently waiting for the hunters to finish their battle strategies*
*ravenwarrior begins jumping from branch to branch on an old oak tree, climbing ever higher*
*caught off guard while grooving to "Come Sail Away", the wolves snap back into action after being clonked on the head by a rather large pork product*
Groovilicious: *throwing a glass of lemonade in the wolves' eyes*
Yo mama's so fat, when her beeper goes off, people thinks she backin' up!
Werewolves: GROWWWL!
dwimmerlaik: Look here! I've got a Map and you don't!
Werewolves: GRRRRROOOWWWWWWL!!
Xim: *dodges a swipe by a huge clawed paw*
Whoa, easy there, dwimmy! We're supposed to be distracting them, not making them insanely jealous!
*high above the treetops, ravenwarrior gazes down on the battle below, watching for just the right moment to strike*
ravenwarrior: No.. no. Now's not the time. It's far too early to.. Ahhh!
*losing his footing, rav plummets to the battlefield below*
ravenwarrior: Oh crap!
*pulls out the Vaitz Blade*
Better make this count..!
*with extraordinary skill, ravenwarrior makes one powerful swing at just the right moment to tear off the wolves' heads*
Xim: *nursing a wound on his leg*
Whoa, incredible rav! I didn't know how much longer we could keep that up!
ravenwarrior: Uhhn.. thanks. Luckily, this hard forest floor broke my fall.
dwimmerlaik: Don't celebrate just yet! Take a look at that!
*10 more werewolves step out from behind the trees, one twice as big as the others*
*upon seeing their dead brethren, the wolves let loose a deafening howl and then run towards the hunters*
Xim: Shi~! |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 12/25/2004 2:52:25 PM | Message Detail
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***
*when they come to, the hunters find themselves tied up, surrounded by hundreds of wolves*
Xim: Uhhhhhnn.. looks like we find the Wolves Den..
Werewolf Leader: Well, well. Looks like the fresh meat has awakened.
warutrid: Who are you?! Are you a.. werewolf too?
*indeed, it is hard to tell what this young man is; he has the body of a man, but the fangs, eyes, and ears of a wolf*
Werewolf Leader: Silence, humans! I am Oni Lupe, leader of this demon wolf tribe!
Groovilicious: What do you want with us?!
Oni Lupe: What do you want with us? I heard from Khona here that he found you guys by the dead bodies of two of our brethren. If you killed them, it is punishable by death in our tribe!
Xim: Khona..? He's that big wolf that knocked me out!
Khona: Answer Master Oni Lupe, human!
Xim: Yes, we killed them. But we had to! They wouldn't let us pass without a fight!
Werewolves: AWWOOOOOOO!! Kill them, Master!!
Oni Lupe: QUIET!!
Werewolves: *whimper*
ravenwarrior: (Who is this guy? Even all these werewolves are afraid of him!)
Oni Lupe: *turns back to the hunters*
As I've said, killing another werewolf is punishable by death in our tribe. But I'm a fair leader. As you didn't know anything about our customs, I will give you a chance to repent.
Khona: But master!
Oni Lupe: Quiet, Khona! If they pass my challenge, I shall let them go! It will prove them worthy, will it not? If they are to fail, I will let you decide who gets to eat them, Khona! These are the words of your leader, do not forget!
Khona: ..Yes, my lord.
Oni Lupe: Put them in the cages! I'll decide what to do with them later!
*the hunters are thrown into a cage at the center of the Den, watched by hundreds of snarling, hungry werewolves*
Xim: *eyes the hamster wheel and food pellets in the cage*
This seems awfully familiar..
Oni Lupe: Shut yer grog-hole, landlubber!
Xim: What's that?
Oni Lupe: Er..
dwimmerlaik: Another fine mess you've gotten us into, warutrid!
Groovilicious: Pirates and werewolves all in one day.. you guys lead interesting lives.
*later*
Khona: Oni Lupe, what should we do? Have you made a decision yet?
Oni Lupe: No, not yet. I can't think straight for some reason. These damned hunters.. whenever I look at them I'm reminded of those other insolent fools. Especially that goddamn Kinnison!
ravenwarrior: Did you say Kinnison?!
Xim: That scar across your face.. are you..?!
Captured! It seems bleak for our hunters now! But what of slobr, DocProc and Icarus Ascending? How have they fared in their journey? Will they be able to make it back to the others in time to help? Find out next time! |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 12/25/2004 2:53:08 PM | Message Detail
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That should keep you guys busy for awhile. The new updates start on Page 3, in case you're reading this first. Hope you're happy with this until I update again sometime in May, probably. You know, I think I almost just doubled the length of the story.
Yeah, sorry for not updating in so long. Again. Sure, I've been busy, but that's no excuse for no updates! Seriously, these things take me 15 minutes, tops, to write. But the time it take me to actually think of all I want to put in the update could take anywhere from 12 seconds, to over a week, to maybe even 10 years! Training in Tibet. With a headcold.
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...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. Scum
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003 |
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From: warutrid
| Posted: 12/25/2004 11:10:34 PM | Message Detail
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That was great. I especially liked the part where Rave got torn up by the wolves.
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\/\/** Progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things. **/-\
|Z** Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. **|_| |
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From: LCC
| Posted: 12/26/2004 11:33:25 AM | Message Detail
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That'll do pig, that'll do.
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|."."|¯¯.|¯¯
|__.|__.|__ Don't believe everything you smell. |
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From: Mr Agent Guy
| Posted: 12/28/2004 4:46:07 PM | Message Detail
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lol!
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|¯\_/¯|r• ../¯\gent..|¯¯...uy
|_|\/|_|..../_/\_\.......|__|¯.... |
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From: man of videogames
| Posted: 12/29/2004 5:24:12 PM | Message Detail
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hehe
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I never get tired of playing video games. Still playing 19 years later. |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 1/1/2005 9:22:19 PM | Message Detail
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Congratulations on your purchase of a 1969 Quest For The Lost Secret Board! You are now the proud owner of the leading story about secret board hunters in the world today!
Instructions: Read the chapters in chronological order, starting from top-left and progressing to the right until the end of the line. Then go down one row and repeat. Laugh where appropriate. Click "Next Page" when necessary to continue, or tab down and hit enter, if that's more your thing.
slobr: Proc, maybe I should lead. I know where Web Wars is after all..
DocProc: No! I said I can do it myself! Don't underestimate my keen sense of direction!
*stumbles into a rosebush*
Er.. but maybe you should take the lead for awhile. For practice, you know. Not everyone is endowed with such a rare sense of direction as mine! It takes years of hard work to navigate like me.
slobr: Um.. yeah. I'll "practice", then.
DocProc: Whew. Covered my tracks pretty good.
slobr: What was that, Proc?
DocProc: WAH! Um.. Habbada habbada, I likes food..?
Icarus Ascending: Indeed, but we really should be getting back to Web Wars.
DocProc: Whew. Covered my tracks pretty good.
*several minutes later*
Icarus Ascending: Any idea where we are now?
DocProc: Hmm.. there's a sign over there. Let's see now, it says "Welcome to Tales of Monsterpath".
slobr, DocProc and Icarus Ascending: ....
*the trio continues on, avoiding eye contact with one another*
*after a few minutes of awkward silence, slobr suddenly speaks*
slobr: Hey, is that mario man4?
*the others look on and see a head poking out from behind a tree*
slobr: It is! Hey, MM4! What are you doing way out in this forest?
*mario man4 stumbles from behind the tree, clutching his side in an effort to keep the blood loss to a minimum*
mario man4: slobr? Proc?
Icarus Ascending: Ahh! He's wounded!
DocProc: Are you okay?! Maybe we could get some sort of doctor to help you!
mario man4: No, it's alright. The only thing that will heal this wound is revenge. Revenge for the pain that bastard has caused me!!
Icarus Ascending: Who? Who did this to you?!
mario man4: ..It all started three months ago, on one fateful day..
slobr: *braces for flashback*
mario man4: I'd just sat down at my favorite fast food place, McFlareth's. They sell the best virtual fish sandwiches there. Which is exactly what I ordered. Before eating that beauty, I had to admire the craftsmanship. Oh, the crisp lettuce. The exquisite tarter sauce! And of course, the pickles, in all their picklish glory. All atop a steaming hot, freshly fried, crunchy fish, ripe for the eating! I was about to eat a lunch fit for a King..! And then.. it happened.
Icarus Ascending: What did?
mario man4: From around the corner, a brash youth ran like lightning on wheels. He took one look at me, sitting defenseless in that rough neighborhood, the only one who had the courage to eat at the outside cafe! He changed direction and started to charge straight for me! Then.. he reached into his tattered leather jacket.. the world seemed to slow to a crawl. He took his hand from his jacket. He was practically on top of me before it happened.
Icarus Ascending: He.. he shot you?!
mario man4: No.
*closes his eyes with a pained look on his face*
Though nary a day goes by without me wishing he had. It was worse. Much worse.
DocProc: What, what?!
---
...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. Scum
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003 |
|
From: Xim
| Posted: 1/1/2005 9:22:27 PM | Message Detail
|
mario man4: In a flash.. the sandwich was gone.
*DocProc, slobr and Icarus Ascending stood there, at a loss for words*
mario man4: I'll never forget what he said as he disappeared behind the corner. It's haunted me every night of my life since. Just one word. "Yoink!". My life, my dreams, hopes, my whole world was destroyed then. I howled into the rotting void in my soul. From that day, I vowed that never would that man, that horrible man, commit such a violation of humanity ever again. I've spent the last few months tracking him down, and the trail has led me this far.
DocProc: I see.. so, um.. what about that wound..?
mario man4: Wound? Yes, it was very emotional, but..
slobr: No, the one your clutching at your side there.
mario man4: *looks down at his blood-soaked jacket*
Oh, this? It's not blood, it's ketchup. Haven't you ever heard that rubbing ketchup under your armpits brings good luck?
DocProc: Um.. no. Well.. if you're looking for this guy, we might be able to help you.
mario man4: Oh? Have you heard anything?
Icarus Ascending: Well, no, but we're on a pretty big journey ourselves. If he's out there, you're bound to meet him eventually if you stick with us.
mario man4: Really?! Well, okay then! Sign me up!
mario man4 has joined your party!
You gain 12 Experience Points!
You gain 2 Ability Points!
DocProc: Um.. well, let's continue on..
mario man4: You learned "Cheese" technique!
You found 500 Gold!
You found a rock!
You gain level up!
You found a lost puppy!
slobr: Maybe enlisting in his help wasn't the best idea..
mario man4: You are a super player!
You gain 2 friendship points!
You gain--
And it goes on like that. Ugh. Well.. um.. yeah. There'll.. there'll be another one soon..
---
...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. Scum
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003 |
|
From: mario man4
| Posted: 1/5/2005 7:28:20 AM | Message Detail
|
:D!
---
|\/|ÁRÎÕ |\/|@Ñ 4 |
|
From: DocProc
| Posted: 1/6/2005 5:58:05 PM | Message Detail
|
I'm going have to copy and paste this for future storage.
*brings out caek briefcase*
---
Doctor by day, board hunter by night... |
|
From: brindle mastiff
| Posted: 1/17/2005 11:44:14 PM | Message Detail
|
*Read the first two pages, will have to come back later to finish the rest.*
Good stuff. :-)
---
The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. |
|
From: Xim
| Posted: 1/19/2005 9:47:55 PM | Message Detail
|
Spiffy. Thanks for the patronizing! You've probably just earned yourself a cameo! Y'know, unless you said that just to curry my favor. In which case, you'll get an even bigger cameo. Here's a new update, all you crazy readers! But I gotta tell ya, it's pretty big, don't hurt yourself now.
---
...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. Scum
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003 |
|
From: Xim
| Posted: 1/19/2005 9:48:35 PM | Message Detail
|
As we join our hunters, they are currently on the road to Web Wars, to gain the wisdom they are so desperately in need of.
DocProc: Geez, you smell, mario. Have you taken a bath lately?
mario man4: Why? Is there one missing?
Icarus Ascending: Quiet, you guys. I think I see something up ahead.
*the others turn to look in front of them, just in time to walk right into the side of a huge ship*
mario man4: Ow! Who would put a ship in the middle of the woods like this?!
DocProc: Hmm.. the SSS Es Es Es. Wait.. isn't that.. oh no.
Smug: Yo ho! How do ye like me new land ship? We've installed a thruster mechanism that allows us to travel on land, sea, and even sky! Aren't ye impressed?!
*slobr puts his hands in his face and shakes his head solemnly*
Smug: First mate, grab those scurvy dogs and throw them in the brig!
1st Mate Cruz: Aye aye, Cap'n!
*with a heavy sigh, slobr, Icarus, and DocProc allow themselves to be captured*
*but mario runs off*
Smug: Arr! Cruz, after him!
Cruz: But Cap'n, he wasn't one of the landlubbers from last time!
Smug: Mutiny, is it?! He's one of their friends! Do as your Cap'n orders!
Cruz: But he looked pretty wounded. He probably won't get very far.
*the captured hunters exchange a knowledgeable smile*
Smug: Yar, ye be right, Cruz. Take them other three and put 'em in shackles!
Cruz: Aye.
*the captured hunters exchange a knock to the head, courtesy of the first mate*
*when they awaken, they find themselves in the steamy underbelly of Smug's ship*
Smug: Oho! Awake, are ye? Tis a good thing. I didn't want you to miss your own execution! Ye may have slipped through me hooks before, but this time, there's no way ye landlubbers can escape! There's no one here to.. waitaminnit! How did they escape the last two times..?
*walks back and forth trying to remember*
D'aar! It's not important!
*when he turns back to confront the hunters, he finds that they are running for the exit*
Smug: Consarnit, Cruz! Do ye even know what shackles be?!
Cruz: Aren't they a shoe company that makes fancy runnin' shoes?
*aided by the new kicks, the three hunters make it to the exit, and are about to make their escape, when..*
Smug: Not this time!
*punches a button the wall, causing metal bars to slam down in all of the exits, trapping the hunters*
---
...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. Scum
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003 |
|
From: Xim
| Posted: 1/19/2005 9:49:33 PM | Message Detail
|
Smug: Har Har! I'll make fish food outta ye! Feel the wrath of me cutthroat Buccaneers!
DocProc: You would bring Football teams into this!
*a group of pirates encircle the hunters, laughing and brandishing rapiers, daggers, fists and even a few insurance policies, the leeches*
*Icarus draws his blade, only to have it knocked from his hands by a nearby pirate*
*Smug steps through the circle and confronts the hunters*
Smug: Any last words?
slobr: Yeah, you might want to back off.
*slobr pulls out a huge hand gun*
*the pirates take a step back in surprise*
Pirate: Yar! Is that..?
DocProc: ..A mod gun?
Icarus Ascending: slobr..?
(Where did he get that?)
*slobr's eyes blaze with malice, causing the pirate cronies to take several more steps back*
slobr: I've had it with you, Smug. This is the end for you.
*the fearless pirate captain dives behind a nearby barrel in fear*
Smug: Har ha har! This sturdy barrel should protect me from those flimsy bullets!
*slobr carefully takes aim and blows a hole through the barrel the size of a hole in a barrel*
Smug: Hah! Nice try, landlubber!
*was previously wearing a bullet proof vest*
Arr.. Too bad I was shot in the head.
*Smug falls to the ground with a dull thud, banned*
Pirates: Arrr! He killed the Cap'n! Get him!
*slobr proudly held them at bay while screaming "Eeek!" like a small, frightened girl and running away as fast as he could*
*..right into the metal bars blocking the exit*
slobr: Ow..
DocProc: This could be bad..
*grabs Icarus' fallen sword and backs up against the wall*
Pirates: ATTACK!
*just then a huge explosion rocked the ship*
Icarus Ascending: Whoa, what was that?!
*suddenly, the metal bars get busted off their hinges, and several dozen warriors bearing a "K" symbol on their uniformed chests enter*
*a giant, caped man steps forward and swings a massive sword, killing three pirates with one sweep*
Kestrel: Hey, guys. Need some help?
DocProc: Kestrel! What are you doing here?!
Kestrel: Hey, I said I'd help you if you ever got in a jam, right? Besides, a little birdy told me.
*nods towards Cruz*
Pirate: Cruz?! Ye traitor!
Kestrel: *steps forward to Smug's lifeless husk*
Well, well! Someone finally beat ol' Smug, eh? We've been fighting him for years!
slobr: *quickly pockets his mod gun*
Yeah, he was no match for us!
Kestrel: Good work, slobr! Without a leader, these pirates are no longer a threat. All great superpowers need a good leader. Without one, they're nothing.
Cruz: Exactly what I was thinking.
*Kestrel's group and the hunters turn to look at Cruz, who had been inching away undetected with the pirates*
Cruz: So long, Kestrel! See you in hell!
*jumps off the ship with the other pirates*
*a huge reinforced titanium wall slams down, trapping Kestrel and the others in the brig*
Icarus Ascending: Dammit! We've been had!
Kestrel: Gh..! That's not the worst of it! Look!
*points at the wall*
*a huge array of explosives lines the wall*
*in a flash, the timed explosives are set off, sending the SSS Es Es Es into the air*
---
...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. Scum
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003 |
|
From: Xim
| Posted: 1/19/2005 9:50:11 PM | Message Detail
|
*deep in the woods, Cruz and his pirate crew enjoy the fireworks*
Pirate: Yar har har! That was some excellent acting, Cruz. Ye almost even had me fooled, and I knew ye were just pretending.
Cruz: Hehe, aye. It was a perfect plan. Now we're rid of them hunters and Kestrel!
Pirate: Yaar, but the Cap'n was still onboard..
Cruz: That guy.. he had a mod gun. Those things are not only illegal, but extremely hard to get yer hands on. He must've killed a mod..
Pirates: ....
Cruz: Yar, but no matter. He's no longer a threat to us! Right now mates, we have to figure out a way to get our Cap'n back!
Pirates: Aye aye!
*meanwhile*
warutrid: This story's going to drag on forever if we don't get out of this cage soon.
Xim: Alright, we need a plan of action. rav, pretend you're going into labor and that we need to get to the hospital quick. When they come to open the cage, war shall make a feint to the northeast and then--
Groovilicious: We're not doing the old "feint to the northeast" trick, Xim!
Xim: It'll work! I saw it in a movie.
dwimmerlaik: Fine, we'll make that Plan B. Any other ideas?
Xim: I know! We could all fake heart attacks! And when the ambulance is driving us away, we could all break loose from our bonds and quip thusly: "Ha! We weren't heart attack stricken! Nay, for we are virile and mighty with recommended cholesterol levels because--"
ravenwarrior: Xim?
Xim: Tsk. I wasn't done with our getaway taunt. Now you made me lose my place.
Groovilicious: It might work better if we had war going into labor, though.
ravenwarrior: Guys?
warutrid: I am due in two months.
Xim: Or, we could fake an elephant stampede!
ravenwarrior: Guys.
Xim: Or better yet, we could construct cardboard cut-outs of ourselves, and while the wolves try to reason with our lifeless twins, we make good our escape!
ravenwarrior: GUYS!!
*bangs his fist against the metal bars, causing a loud ringing noise*
Xim, dwimmerlaik, warutrid and Groovilicious: What?
ravenwarrior: They can hear everything we say.
Xim: What talk you?!
*this was no time for grammar*
*the group turns to look at Oni Lupe and his secretary*
Oni Lupe: Did you get all that, Pau Pau?
Pau Pau: Sure did.
Xim: Nuts.
*later*
Xim: *wearing sunglasses*
We have to distract that Pau Pau doll.
*snaps fingers in time to some music he hears in his head*
ravenwarrior: ?
Xim: Besides, the bird seems sweet on you, rav. Maybe we could bag us a ticket outta here if you talk the talk to the skirt.
ravenwarrior: Why are you talking like that?
Xim: It's Jive, baby. We're on the lam, we gotta start talking Jive. Get used to it.
ravenwarrior: We're not "on the lam". Besides you don't have the jewelry to talk Jive.
dwimmerlaik: He's just not man enough to wear jewelry.
*shines his pearl necklace and reapplies his lipstick*
Pau Pau: *walks over to the cage*
Oni Lupe has made his decision.
Groovilicious: Cheesit, the fuzz!
ravenwarrior: We're not talking Jive!
*turns to Pau Pau*
What are his conditions?
Pau Pau: Well..
*takes a deep breath that is supposed to be dramatic but just comes off as being forced and generally annoying*
Oops, looks like I stopped the story right at a crossroads again! Now you'll be racking your brains to try and figure out what's going to happen to our fateful hunters.. again! Funny how that works out. At least for me. Haha! Hey, don't blame me. I don't write this crap, I just narrate. You wanna complain, talk to Xim. Well then.. You all come back now, hear?!
---
...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. Scum
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003 |
|
From: warutrid
| Posted: 1/21/2005 8:15:14 PM | Message Detail
|
*more praise and encouragement*
---
\/\//-\** Progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things. **|Z|_|
¯|¯|Z** Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. **][ |) |
|
From: Medea
| Posted: 1/21/2005 10:47:02 PM | Message Detail
|
Nice story here Xim. I see I was mentioned once, very nice. *Nods head back and forth like a bobble head toy.*
---
"Sometimes, at the end of the day when I'm smiling and shaking hands, I want to kick them." --Richard Nixon |
|
From: NinjaMaster
| Posted: 1/22/2005 9:49:40 AM | Message Detail
|
I just finished reading it. It's quite good, definitely the best story I've read in the last 15 minutes. I give it 12 and a half thumbs up.
---
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. |
|
From: DocProc
| Posted: 1/22/2005 10:13:16 AM | Message Detail
|
Hey... give me back my thumbs!
---
Doctor by day, board hunter by night... |
|
From: Xim
| Posted: 1/24/2005 10:12:43 PM | Message Detail
|
Ah thanks, guys. I was starting to think people stopped caring. A few more ego boosts, and I'll have another update ready, methinks.
---
...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. Scum
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003 |
|
From: Groovilicious
| Posted: 1/25/2005 12:04:24 AM | Message Detail
|
How about an Eggo?
http://www.eggowaffles.com/products/eggo/
---
--- l¯. l¯) l¯l l¯l l / l l . l l¯ l l¯l l. l (¯---
---l_l l¯) l_l l_l l/. l l_ l l_ l l_l l_l _) --- |
|
From: Elite Gamer
| Posted: 1/25/2005 6:17:30 PM | Message Detail
|
I see your Eggo and raise you one Octodog
http://www.octodog.net/
---
I suffer from chronic apathy, I was going to go see a Doctor about it, but I didn't really care. |
|
From: Medea
| Posted: 1/30/2005 1:28:00 PM | Message Detail
|
Come on, Xim. Write more before this gets out of hand.
---
"Sometimes, at the end of the day when I'm smiling and shaking hands, I want to kick them." --Richard Nixon |
|
From: Xim
| Posted: 1/30/2005 10:13:10 PM | Message Detail
|
Oh, I concur.
*thanklessly eats the Octodog topped with an Eggo*
I actually wrote it ahead of time. Lemme just go find where I saved it.
---
...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. Scum
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003 |
|
From: Xim
| Posted: 1/30/2005 10:22:05 PM | Message Detail
|
They were gamers.. lovers and loners.. mayonnaise addicts..
But.. when their world was threatened by an unimaginable EVIL.. They would come together, and find the strength within..
To become....
Hunters.
Quest For The Lost Secret Board
The Movie
Lens flare! Motion blur!
Coming February 2021 (at the rate Xim's going).
Pau Pau: ....Oni Lupe has decided that if one of you is able to best him in combat, you are all free to go. If not, you all become fodder for
Oni Lupe: *stands up*
That is correct. However, we shall not fight here; it is too crowded an area. I like to move around freely when I rip apart my prey.
dwimmerlaik: *puts on a wolf mask*
Gee, I'd sure hate to be part of their sorry bunch.
Oni Lupe: Let us go to my personal fighting grounds, Bloody Wolf. Khona, you and several others lift their cage and follow me!
*several rather large werewolves trot up beside the cage as Khona stands on two legs and hoists the entire thing on top of them*
Oni Lupe: Good. Let us be off.
*the werewolf leader runs ahead into the thick forest as the wolves, accompanied by the cage full of hunters, follow*
*they arrive at a clearing with multiple skulls of various slewn about in an untidy manner*
*a sign on a nearby tree states cheerfully "Bless this Mess", except it's written in blood and there are little unhappy faces around it*
Oni Lupe: Ah, we have arrived. Now, who among you has the courage to fact the leader of werewolf tribe?!
ravenwarrior: I--
warutrid: I do!
*Groovi slaps him in the back of the head*
warutrid: Hey, cut it out! I'm sick of this crap! I'm going to fight that guy and prove to you that I'm worthy to be part of this group!
ravenwarrior: Yeah, but how do you plan on beating him?
warutrid: Hmm.. hadn't really considered that part yet.
Xim: Well.. if it's what you want.. but just remember, all of our lives are riding on this, war.
ravenwarrior: You can't be serious! He doesn't even have a silver weapon! Don't you remember, werewolves can't be killed without a weapon like the Vaitz Blade!
Xim: Perhaps, but look at him. He doesn't look like a werewolf at all!
ravenwarrior: I told you, that's Crinos! He's stronger than a werewolf!
Xim: Oh, how naive you are, little rav.
ravenwarrior: This is unbelievable..
Oni Lupe: Enough babbling! Who will fight me?! Answer now, humans!
Groovilicious: Well? It's either war or raven. What do you say rav?
ravenwarrior: Hmmm.. you know..
*drops his voice to a whisper*
This could actually work in our favor. Once warutrid starts fighting Lupe, it would give me the time I need to finish off these other wolves, then we could all lead an attack on Lupe himself.
dwimmerlaik: Sounds good, but just remember, I'm not one of them.
*readjusts his dollar store bought mask* |
|
From: Xim
| Posted: 1/30/2005 10:22:37 PM | Message Detail
|
Groovilicious: Alright, go ahead, war.
warutrid: Heh, don't worry, I have it all under control. I won't need rav's help.
Lupe! I shall fight you.
*unsheathes his broadsword*
Oni Lupe: You..? ..Very well, step forward.
*the bolt is removed from the cage, and warutrid exits*
*war and Oni Lupe move to the center of the field and face each other, the host of werewolves bring the others over to watch*
warutrid: Don't worry, I'll go easy on you.
Oni Lupe: How kind of you.
warutrid: Oh, I like to think so.
Oni Lupe: Any last words?
warutrid: Um.. Lost Secret Board?
Oni Lupe: ..What?
Xim, you really should've come up with a better trigger than that.
Oni Lupe: Whatever. Begin!!
*in a flash, Lupe lunges forward 30 feet and digs his claws deep into war's gut half a second later*
warutrid: Ghhk?!
Oni Lupe: Hehehe.. forgot to warn you about my speed.
*warutrid falls to one knee and looks up at Oni Lupe with fire in his eyes*
warutrid: *talking through a mouthful of blood*
Get.. off.. me!
*catching his foe by surprise, war delivers a devastating side kick to Lupe's face*
*the impact sends Lupe off his feet and he lands several yards away*
Oni Lupe: *snarls*
It's been a long time since I've faced an opponent that's been able to knock me down. Much less an idiot like you.
warutrid: *wipes the blood from his mouth*
Yeah, well, it's been a long time since your.. er.. face was.. um.... I knocked you down!
Oni Lupe: This can't be happening.
*Oni Lupe stands, his anger swelling, his face red enough to deserve a colorful metaphor*
warutrid: *raises his sword with one arm and points it at Lupe*
You'd best admit defeat right now, or I'ma gonna start chopping off limbs.
Oni Lupe: Why, you insolent little--!
*Lupe leaps forward again, but war is ready and falls to the ground*
*the wolf leader swipes at thin air as the tip of warutrid's blade meets his face*
Oni Lupe: Yeeargh!
*stumbles back in pain*
warutrid: Haha! Yeah!
Xim: Whoa, holy crap, dude!
*Oni Lupe raises his head, the blood and pain already stopped thanks to his healing factor*
*even so, a nasty gash is clearly visible on his face; the leader of the werewolf tribe has been scarred*
Oni Lupe: Enough! I.. I admit.. defeat.. |
|
From: Xim
| Posted: 1/30/2005 10:23:18 PM | Message Detail
|
ravenwarrior: ..Whoa. I didn't even get a chance to do anything..
Oni Lupe: Incredible. To think that my first loss in nearly ten years comes from one such as you.
warutrid: The name's warutrid. Remember it!
Groovilicious: Wow, you rock, warutrid!
dwimmerlaik: Perhaps you are worthy to carry the Map.. for a little while anyway.
warutrid: Hehe.
dwimmerlaik: I mean a very little while. Don't get attached to it. Well.. maybe you can just touch it instead.
*war beams proudly, everyone has finally recognized him; he is at the top of the world, all his hopes and dreams have been met; it is his turn to be in the limelight*
*crunch*
Xim: "*crunch*"?
DocProc: Ow.. dammit.
*sits up and rubs his head*
Icarus Ascending: Whoa.. we're okay! What broke our fall?
*looks down*
Oh, hey war.
warutrid: *whimpers*
Groovilcious: What the--? What are you two doing back here?
DocProc: It's a long story, we'll tell you later. Hey, have you guys seen slobr? I hope he didn't land somewhere else and get hurt.
Icarus Ascending: Yeah, that would be terrible.
*stands up and wipes his feet on warutrid before stepping off*
Xim: Nah, haven't seen him.
DocProc: Oh.. what's going on here?
*surveys the battlefield*
Xim: Ah, we had been captured by werewolves, and just now somebody in our group, I think it was rav, defeated their leader and we're free to go again.
DocProc: Cool.
Khona: Not so fast, humans!
*while everyone was distracted by the odd pair falling from the sky, Khona had snuck up behind the group and..*
Oni Lupe: Khona.. you bastard..!
Khona: *drives the silver spear deeper into Lupe's back*
Mweeheehee! So long, Lupe!
*kicks him aside*
Now, humans, prepare to die!
*raises his arm and fires a green blast from it directly at Xim's feet*
Xim: *jumps back in surprise*
Whoa, what the hell?!
*glances down at the scorched ground*
Khona: Surprised, eh? This is the power of a true Crinos!
ravenwarrior: TRUE Crinos?
Khona: That's right. That punk Lupe is only a half breed; his mother was a human, yet he managed to get strong enough to become our leader! Even without being able to produce a demon bullet!
*fires another shot that grazes ravenwarrior*
ravenwarrior: Ah!
*falls to the ground*
Xim: rav, are you okay?!
ravenwarrior: I'm fine, he just nicked me, but it hurts like hell!
Xim: *turns to Khona*
YOU BASTARD!!
*reaches for his Christmas ham*
Khona: Not so fast!
*grabs Groovilicious with one arm and points his hand at her face*
One wrong move and the girl dies!
Xim: Ghhh..
Khona: That's what I thought. You see, humans. In our tribe, whoever kills the leader becomes the new leader. Now that Lupe is out of the way, I, Khona, the rightful leader of the demon wolf tribe, have emerged! And as my first act as new ruler, I will now let my wolves devour you. Prepare to face a true Crinos! |
|
From: Xim
| Posted: 1/30/2005 10:23:44 PM | Message Detail
|
Groovilicious: I don't think so!
*rams the huge wolf in the gut with her elbow*
Khona: Oof!
*Groovi slips out of his grasp and runs over to the others*
ravenwarrior: Heh, so much for your hostage.
Khona: Unexpected, but nothing to worry about.
*raises his arm to fire another demon bullet*
What do you say guys? How about some roasted humans to celebrate my new leadership?
*the werewolves snap their jaws in appreciation*
Khona: Well, guess it's time to say good die, humans!
slobr: Ha ho!
Khona: What?!
*on a high cliff ridge in the distance, slobr can be seen looking down on the werewolves and his friends*
DocProc: slobr!
slobr: *poses heroically*
Hey, Werewolf! Leave my friends alone!!
*is what he would have said, if not for the hail of demon bullets that blasted him off the cliff and into the forest*
slobr: *stumbles out of the demolished thicket and coughs up a puff of sawdust*
Well, that wasn't fair.
Khona: *lowers his burly, fur covered arms*
FAIR?! I'm the most powerful werewolf in this tribe, but no one ever wanted to follow me! All they cared about is Oni Lupe, that halfling! Don't talk to me about being fair!
slobr: No, you don't talk to me about fair!
*set aback by this retort completely lacking in creativity or cleverness, Khona falters*
slobr: I don't work my tail off by not working everyday so I can take this kind of abuse from the likes of you!
*stomps over to the gigantic Werewolf and shoves an accusatory finger in his face*
And I most certainly don't take a good five minutes out of my busy schedule of eating, sleeping, eating again, and watching cartoons only to have you pop up and delay my return to the sweet, sweet television! So don't you talk to me about being fair!
Khona: You said that already..
slobr: Don't you said that to me already!
*there was an audible pop as the logic section of Khona's brain exploded, thus causing even more logic overload which caused a chain reaction that resulted in him falling to the ground in a motionless heap*
slobr: Uh..
*takes a deliberate step away from the fallen beast*
It was self-defense!
*eyes darting back and forth*
Yes. And since he's not in any condition to testify otherwise, I'll get away with it! Again!
*turns to walk away as casually as a man running in blind terror can*
*slobr's path is cut off by several rather large werewolves*
Werewolf: You..
slobr: Uh oh..
Werewolf: You.... are our new leader!!
Everyone: Huh?
Demon Wolf Freddy: That's right! You killed our leader, so that makes you our new boss! Congratulations! So, what would you have us do, master?
slobr: Er.. let me and my friends go?
Demon Wolf Jake: Sure thing!
slobr: And.. make me a sandwich?
Demon Wolf Ted: No problem, boss!
slobr: Ooh, ooh, give me a foot massage!
Demon Wolf Kenny: You got it!
slobr: Hehe.. cool.
Oh ****. slobr now has complete dominion over the entire demon wolf tribe! Will he use his newfound influence to help the rest of our hunters, or will he do what we all know a power mad psycho like him will do? Find out the astonishing answer next time on Quest For The Lost Secret Board! |
|
From: Xim
| Posted: 1/30/2005 10:25:38 PM | Message Detail
|
Whoo. That was a long one.
---
...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. Scum
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003 |
|
From: brindle mastiff
| Posted: 1/30/2005 10:39:19 PM | Message Detail
|
d(^_^)b
Glad that I just happened to be going through my active messages. Oddly enough I now have an urge to eat a sandwich. . .
*Runs off to make a sandwich.*
---
To be is to be perceived.
You'll rue the day your crossed me, Trebek! |
|
From: warutrid
| Posted: 1/30/2005 10:48:39 PM | Message Detail
|
I seem to have grown stronger... In fact, it almost makes me wonder who would win if Rave and I were somehow pitted against each other in a shocking and unpredictable plot twist.
*left eye quivers with uncontrollable winking*
---
\/\//-\** Progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things. **|Z|_|
¯|¯|Z** Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. **][ |) |
|
From: ravenwarrior
| Posted: 1/31/2005 5:31:10 PM | Message Detail
|
*drops Vaitz Blade*
(Was I.. was I the only one who didn't see this..?)
*looks up*
(These guys.. they're true hunters..)
*then puts more ketchup under my armpits*
---
Now that the new $20 is in, please send all of your worthless old $20's to me. warutrid would lose
Machine Gun specialist of the SOMUNIST AC team ~ Moonside |
|
From: Lord Kestrel
| Posted: 2/5/2005 11:01:55 AM | Message Detail
|
...Ya I think I remember fighting pirates...
---
Dark Tower: The Last Free Board on GameFAQs
http://boards.gamefaqs.com/gfaqs/gentopic.php?board=29893 |
|
From: dwimmerlaik
| Posted: 2/13/2005 11:45:11 AM | Message Detail
|
You never forget.
---
Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue. |
|
From: ravenwarrior
| Posted: 2/15/2005 6:03:14 PM | Message Detail
|
*throws roll at dwimmy*
Pirates! \m/>_<\m/
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/mockingbird.php
---
Now that the new $20 is in, please send all of your worthless old $20's to me.
Machine Gun specialist of the SOMUNIST AC team ~ Moonside |
|
From: mario man4
| Posted: 2/15/2005 9:06:28 PM | Message Detail
|
I seemed to have vanished off the face of Xim's imagination.
---
|\/|ÁRÎÕ |\/|@Ñ 4 |
|
From: Medea
| Posted: 2/15/2005 9:17:52 PM | Message Detail
|
I don't think you really want to be in Xim's imagination anyway. It's probably like the bottom of a tequila bottle.
---
"Sometimes, at the end of the day when I'm smiling and shaking hands, I want to kick them." --Richard Nixon |
|
From: warutrid
| Posted: 2/22/2005 11:19:26 PM | Message Detail
|
Only without all that tequila and glass.
---
\/\//-\** Progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things. **|Z|_|
¯|¯|Z** Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. **][ |) |
|
From: NickBush24
| Posted: 2/23/2005 2:01:51 PM | Message Detail
|
No glass?
**** that.
*packs bags and leaves*
---
http://xgamer.insder.com/petition.php?sort=user&u=NickBush24
NP: Oasis - Roll With It |
|
From: gotta scratch
| Posted: 2/23/2005 4:26:57 PM | Message Detail
|
o_o
---
Yellow. They taste like yellow. -Insanity High
I LOVE BRITTANY! - Sig started 11/06/04 |
|
From: Kaas
| Posted: 3/2/2005 11:49:56 AM | Message Detail
|
*bumps*
Just in time too...
---
Ingo - I can't uninstall it, there seems to be some kind of "Uninstall Shield"
Super Sidekick |
|
From: Xim
| Posted: 3/3/2005 2:20:25 AM | Message Detail
|
Hey, Kestrel. 'Sup?
---
...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. Scum
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003 |
|
From: Xim
| Posted: 3/3/2005 2:20:38 AM | Message Detail
|
See next page.
---
...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. Scum
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003 |
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