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The Quest For The Lost Secret Board
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From: Xim
| Posted: 8/21/2004 10:43:49 AM | Message Detail
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Paint the town red? What do you mean, Earl? We're short on fishstick sauce as it is!
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...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. Scum
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003
<3> |
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From: ravenwarrior
| Posted: 8/21/2004 1:49:48 PM | Message Detail
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Fishsticks are not sticks, nor are they fish. It's a fungus.
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Now that the new $20 is in, please send all of your worthless old $20's to me.
Machine Gun specialist of the SOMUNIST AC team ~ Moonside |
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From: LCC
| Posted: 8/22/2004 8:25:47 AM | Message Detail
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More like a piece of moldy breaded cheese.
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"And so, may evil beware and may good dress warmly and eat lots of fresh vegetables." - The Tick |
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From: warutrid
| Posted: 8/24/2004 7:31:01 AM | Message Detail
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Turkeys aren't from Turkey, they can't fly but they can dance.
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\/\/*3* Progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things. *5*/-\
|Z*3* Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. *20*|_| |
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From: ravenwarrior
| Posted: 8/26/2004 2:32:13 PM | Message Detail
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*throws roll at Turkey*
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Now that the new $20 is in, please send all of your worthless old $20's to me.
Machine Gun specialist of the SOMUNIST AC team ~ Moonside |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 8/27/2004 10:39:16 PM | Message Detail
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Welcome back. If I recall, something was happening when you left. That was rude of you.
*as Smug charges forward, slobr suddenly recalls what a wise old raven once told them*
slobr: Xim! The trigger!
Xim: Oh, right! LOST SECRET BOARD!
*a poofing of the smoke persuasion commences, and the group find themselvesstanfing around a small card table, Xim seated on one side, Smug on the other*
*a deck of card lies in the middle*
warutrid: How convenient.
Smug: *shuffles cards*
The game is Go Fish, landlubbers. Ante up.
*after a quick beatdown by Xim, master of the Go Fish style of martial arts, Smug drowns his sorrows over a glass of pink lemonade*
Smug: D'arr! Why did the landlubber not have a 6?! I outta make him go fish at the bottom of the sea with cement shoes!
Xim: It's bound to be an improvement over these lead ones.
Pirate: Cap'n! Should we let them go?
Smug: Nar! Take them back to the cages of furryness!
Xim: Hey, we had a deal!
Smug: Har har! We're pirates, boy, and we don't play by the rules!
dwimmerlaik: Your parents will hear of this!
Smug: Shut up! No one understands me! I hate you! They all make fun of me!
DocProc: So rebellious..
*and so it was, Xim and the other less important characters were taken back to their vaguely hamster-esque prison*
slobr: Man, this sucks. What are we going to do, Proc?
DocProc: Well, my first plan was to escape by use of that giant hamster wheel. And though it was fun to run on it, I didn't get very far, and I kind of started to question my brilliant strategy.
warutrid: Dammit Xim, you've been a board hunter longer than us. Can't you at least pick locks or something?
Xim: Of course! But I don't have the proper tools; a sledge hammer and/or explosives.
ravenwarrior: We'll have to trick these guards into letting us out. That shouldn't be too hard, they look about as smart as goats in a pepper patch.
dwimmerlaik: That.. that wasn't even clever.
slobr: Excluding that awful analogy, I see what he means. These guards don't seem too bright. I mean, here we are, making escape plans, and they don't even notice!
warutrid: Yeah, I bet we could even chuck these rock-like food pellets at them and they wouldn't even notice!
Xim: Actually, those are rocks. The food pellets are in the other dish.
warutrid: that might explain why some of my teeth are missing.
Xim: Well, might as well try it.
*grabs a rock and throws it at Guard # 2's head*
slobr: Ow!
Xim: Oh, sorry.
*grabs a rock and throws it at Pirate Guard # 2's head*
*the pirate falls over with a thud*
slobr: ..You killed him.
warutrid: Wait a second, take a closer look. These aren't guards! They're dirty clothes hampers!
dwimmerlaik: The work force is getting more and more varied these days.
---
...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. Scum
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003 |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 8/27/2004 10:39:30 PM | Message Detail
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DocProc: Now's our chance, let's grab the key and get the hell out of here!
dwimmerlaik: *walks through the 5 foot space between the bars, takes the key off the fallen guard, walks back into the cage, and unlocks the door*
Xim: Good work, dwimmy! We've completed what we needed to, let's go!
*as Xim steps out of the cage, he suddenly comes down with a rather nasty case of rapier-through-the-stomach*
Xim: AHHHHHH!
Smug: Har har! Thought ye could escape that easily, did ye? You have to get up pretty early to outsmart Captain Smug!
*twists sword*
warutrid: Whoa! Are you okay?!
Xim: Ah, I'm cool. Do this all the time.
I have a freakin' sword through my stomach! Do I look okay?!
dwimmerlaik: Well if that's gonna be your attitude, we're not going to help you.
Xim: Damn, this hurts! Do something, Proc!
DocProc: Dammit Xim! I'm a doctor, not a.. oh, right.
Smug: Hey! Quit ignoring me! That be it! I'll keelhaul the lot of ye!
*suddenly, one of Smug's henchmen steps forward*
Pirate: Hold it right there, Smug!
Smug: Arr?
Pirate: Your part in this story has come to an end.
*takes off pirate mask*
If you want them, you'll have to go through me first!
A mysterious stranger appears to save our incompetent group of protagonists yet again! Can this lone warrior save the hunters from further torture through bad pirate accents? Tune in next time to find out that he can!
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...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. Scum
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003 |
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From: ravenwarrior
| Posted: 8/28/2004 10:11:17 AM | Message Detail
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Hey, even I say stuff that;s remotely funny. Ask Proc!
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Now that the new $20 is in, please send all of your worthless old $20's to me.
Machine Gun specialist of the SOMUNIST AC team ~ Moonside |
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From: warutrid
| Posted: 8/28/2004 10:47:06 AM | Message Detail
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I'm gonna have to write down that pepper patch line.
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\/\/*3* Progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things. *5*/-\
|Z*3* Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. *20*|_| |
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From: DocProc
| Posted: 8/28/2004 4:11:18 PM | Message Detail
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Mmmmmmm... peppers.
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Doctor by day, board hunter by night... |
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From: STARSHOT1120
| Posted: 9/4/2004 8:27:54 AM | Message Detail
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wow
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Self-Proclaimed Troll (Head)hunter of the Warcraft 3 General Board |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 9/4/2004 11:22:19 AM | Message Detail
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Yeah, I know, man. A pepper patch goat. Who would have thought?
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...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. Scum
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003 |
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From: ravenwarrior
| Posted: 9/4/2004 3:50:47 PM | Message Detail
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Obviously, me.
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Now that the new $20 is in, please send all of your worthless old $20's to me.
Machine Gun specialist of the SOMUNIST AC team ~ Moonside |
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From: Icarus Ascending
| Posted: 9/8/2004 10:46:38 AM | Message Detail
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I wonder if Xim makes it through what with him having a sword through his stomach and all. But it does allow for his latter resurrection and even I gotta admit that a resurrected Xim would be hard to snicker at.
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Away to the sun! No one's stopping me from lying around. There's surely something to it all. |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 9/8/2004 5:55:48 PM | Message Detail
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[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster] |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 9/8/2004 5:56:52 PM | Message Detail
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*flinches*
*writes down idea in notebook*
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...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. Scum
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003 |
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From: ravenwarrior
| Posted: 9/9/2004 2:20:28 PM | Message Detail
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It's left unfinished, like everything else he does.
*points to half-eaten chair*
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Now that the new $20 is in, please send all of your worthless old $20's to me.
Machine Gun specialist of the SOMUNIST AC team ~ Moonside |
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From: LCC
| Posted: 9/14/2004 1:19:41 PM | Message Detail
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*shapes the half-eaten chair into a point*
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"And so, may evil beware and may good dress warmly and eat lots of fresh vegetables." - The Tick |
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From: Icarus Ascending
| Posted: 9/16/2004 7:35:09 AM | Message Detail
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*shapes the point into an origami helicopter*
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Away to the sun! No one's stopping me from lying around. There's surely something to it all. |
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From: LCC
| Posted: 9/21/2004 9:02:34 PM | Message Detail
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*fuels the helicopter with steak sauce*
*flys off into the moonset*
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"And so, may evil beware and may good dress warmly and eat lots of fresh vegetables." - The Tick |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 10/3/2004 10:57:14 AM | Message Detail
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Everything in this story is true. I wrote it down exactly as I remembered it happening. On an unrelated note, I have a tendency to exaggerate.
And lie.
And make up stories about board hunters.
Xim: 'Go through me' he says. He's already gone through me! Nice timing there, buddy.
Not A Pirate: Be thankful I even bothered to come rescue you guys. Besides, aren't you people supposed to be board hunters? Can't you even handle a few pirates?
ravenwarrior: I'll have you know we handle pirates with industrial strength pirate-handling tongs!
DocProc: That's right! We just.. uh.. succumbed to their winning smiles! ..Or dirty clothes stench..
slobr: Besides, it's not like you can really brag. You haven't done anything to help at all yet!
Smug: Arr! Who are you? State your name, you curr!
N.A.P: Hmph. You're not really worth introducing myself to. But my name is Icarus Ascending.
warutrid: Didn't he just introduce himself anyway?
Icarus Ascending: As for your second question, I serve no one, for I too am a board hunter. I've come to repay someone I am indebted to for saving me from the edge of starvation. I am here upon request by the Lord of the tower to the west.
Xim: Urgh.. wait.. Lord of a tower to the west? Do you.. mean.. Lord Kestrel of Dark Tower?
Icarus Ascending: You know him?
Xim: Oh man, he and I go way back. I remember, this one time--
Smug: Hey! Stop doing that! You can't just ignore the villain!
ravenwarrior: *shoves Smug out of the way*
Did this Kestrel guy send you here?
Icarus Ascending: Yeah, he asked me to come save you guys. I owe him one, but I was hesitant to leave, considering the battle going on back there.
Xim: A battle?! What is it?!
Icarus Ascending: It's an encounter of opposing forces, usually armed. There have been a lot of them throughout history. But that's not important right now.
Xim: *pulls the sword of his abdomen and falls to his knees*
Ahg.. look.. battle or no battle, we have to get to Kestrel's place.. fast! It's the only place around.. here where I can get this healed..!
Icarus Ascending: I was thinking the same thing. If anyone can help you, it's Lord Kestrel's medical squad.
DocProc: Yeah, we need some kind of doctor to look at that!
dwimmerlaik: Then it's decided. Okay, everyone! Let's mosey.
*lifting Xim, the group heads to the cavern's exit*
Smug: But.. I.. what happened? Argh, that was very clever, Xim Vicious!
Pirate: ..He didn't even do anything..
Smug: Shut yer face! After 'em, ye scurvy dogs!
Pirates: Cap'n!
*'round and 'round the secret boards, the pirates chased the hunters, the hunters thought 'twas all in fun, pop! goes the weasel*
DocProc: Oh noes! We'll never lose them like this!
Xim: Ahg.. wait, I have a plan. war, there should be a jar.. of mayonnaise in my pack.. find it for me..
warutrid: You better know what you're doing, Xim.
Xim: I make it my business to know what I'm doing!
slobr: That doesn't even make sense.
Xim: Clearly I've gone insane. But nevermind! Urgh.. just do it!
warutrid: Alright already. Geez.
*shuffles around in Xim's backpack and produces a jar of mayonnaise*
---
...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. Scum
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003 |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 10/3/2004 10:57:23 AM | Message Detail
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Xim: Okay.. now give me some.
slobr: This is totally not the time for a snack.
*warutrid pours some mayonnaise into Xim's mouth*
*suddenly Xim leaps to his feet*
Xim: Ahh.. much better! Now..
*wielding the giant ham, Xim makes quick work of the pursuing swashbucklers*
Icarus Ascending: Uh.. Could someone explain that to me?
*points at Xim standing over a bloody heap of pirates*
dwimmerlaik: Oh right, you just joined us. You see, Xim likes mayonnaise.
Icarus Ascending: Umm..
ravenwarrior: A lot.
Icarus Ascending: But he has freakin' hole through his stomach! How the hell did he get healed by a few drops of mayonnaise?!
dwimmerlaik: The answer is simple, my dear chap.
..It never really happened.
Icarus Ascending: But..
slobr: Now, now, shut up, Icarus. Don't over-analyze everything.
Icarus Ascending: This could take some getting used to..
*Xim falls to one knee*
DocProc: Whoa, you okay, Xim?
Xim: Looks like the effects.. have worn.. off.
*Xim falls to the ground with a dull thud*
Wow! What an awesome update! So much happened. I'll try to have another out tomorrow, or later today maybe. And you all know you can trust my promise.
---
...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. Scum
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003 |
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From: ravenwarrior
| Posted: 10/3/2004 12:40:02 PM | Message Detail
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Where's the sock???
---
Now that the new $20 is in, please send all of your worthless old $20's to me.
Machine Gun specialist of the SOMUNIST AC team ~ Moonside |
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From: DocProc
| Posted: 10/10/2004 9:23:16 AM | Message Detail
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I never knew mayo could be that powerful to Xim...
*eats CAEK*
I feel it working...
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Doctor by day, board hunter by night... |
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From: warutrid
| Posted: 10/22/2004 12:35:52 AM | Message Detail
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*drinks radioactive ooze*
I can smell orange!
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\/\/*3* Progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things. *5*/-\
|Z*3* Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. *20*|_| |
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From: warutrid
| Posted: 10/31/2004 12:39:22 AM | Message Detail
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*eats said orange*
*develops cancer*
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\/\/*3* Progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things. *5*/-\
|Z*3* Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. *20*|_| |
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From: Kaas
| Posted: 11/5/2004 9:31:48 AM | Message Detail
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*cuts away cancer*
Now what should I do with this?
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Ingo - I can't uninstall it, there seems to be some kind of "Uninstall Shield"
Board 7441. |
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From: Icarus Ascending
| Posted: 11/6/2004 7:36:31 AM | Message Detail
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Set it.... and forget it!
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Away to the sun! No one's stopping me from lying around. There's surely something to it all. |
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From: ravenwarrior
| Posted: 11/8/2004 7:37:57 PM | Message Detail
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*loses JFK's brain by doing said saying*
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Now that the new $20 is in, please send all of your worthless old $20's to me.
Machine Gun specialist of the SOMUNIST AC team ~ Moonside |
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From: Beaujames
| Posted: 11/10/2004 10:40:46 PM | Message Detail
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funny...................
hear me laughing? |
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From: ravenwarrior
| Posted: 11/13/2004 10:12:22 PM | Message Detail
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Yes, in fact.
You're promoted to head laugher! Congrats!
---
Now that the new $20 is in, please send all of your worthless old $20's to me.
Machine Gun specialist of the SOMUNIST AC team ~ Moonside |
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From: warutrid
| Posted: 11/14/2004 12:10:15 AM | Message Detail
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I had my eye on that position, too...
*searches phone book for discount assassins*
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\/\/*3* Progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things. *5*/-\
|Z*3* Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. *20*|_| |
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From: slobr
| Posted: 11/14/2004 9:32:37 AM | Message Detail
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There's three hiding between pages 70 and 83.
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õ¿Ô - All I want is a warm bed, a kind word, and unlimited cat turds.
¯¯¯ - §£øß® |
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From: LCC
| Posted: 11/21/2004 11:58:09 PM | Message Detail
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I don't see what you're talking about.
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|."."|¯¯.|¯¯
|__.|__.|__ Don't believe everything you smell. |
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From: ravenwarrior
| Posted: 11/24/2004 11:04:26 AM | Message Detail
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There's no "c" in you message.
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Now that the new $20 is in, please send all of your worthless old $20's to me.
Machine Gun specialist of the SOMUNIST AC team ~ Moonside |
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From: LCC
| Posted: 11/24/2004 1:54:41 PM | Message Detail
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*looks at the giant c's in my sig*
*looks at my username*
Hey, you're right!
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|."."|¯¯.|¯¯
|__.|__.|__ Don't believe everything you smell. |
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From: Groovilicious
| Posted: 11/25/2004 2:11:29 AM | Message Detail
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That's a nice 'c' you have in your sig, LCC.
Mind if I borrow it? Someone stole mine. :.:
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--- l¯. l¯) l¯l l¯l l / l l . l l l¯l l. l (¯---
---l_l l¯) l_l l_l l/. l l_ l l l_l l_l _) --- |
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From: LCC
| Posted: 11/25/2004 5:43:49 PM | Message Detail
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Sure thing!
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|."."|¯¯
|__.|__ Don't believe everything you smell. |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 11/26/2004 3:55:40 PM | Message Detail
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Yeah, me too?
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...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. Sum
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003 |
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From: warutrid
| Posted: 12/5/2004 7:06:59 PM | Message Detail
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You can have mine. I never use it anyway.
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\/\/*3* Progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things. *5*/-\
|Z*3* Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. *20*|_| |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 12/20/2004 11:40:39 PM | Message Detail
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You totally don't have one. Fine, I'll just steal from LC. The long dotted line looks a bit awkward, but at least now I've got one!
----------------------------------------'|¯¯
...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. S|__um
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003 |
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From: LCC
| Posted: 12/21/2004 1:46:35 AM | Message Detail
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<_<
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|__Don't believe everything you smell. |
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From: warutrid
| Posted: 12/25/2004 1:52:30 AM | Message Detail
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I swear, if someone doesn't finish this story soon, I'LL have to. And I know none of you want to see that.
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\/\/** Progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things. **/-\
|Z** Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. **|_| |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 12/25/2004 2:39:08 PM | Message Detail
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Looks like I made it just in time, then! Time to begin the Christmas Special of QFTLSB! Seven grueling updates of all of your [favorite] hunters and their wacky hijinx!
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...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. Scum
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003 |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 12/25/2004 2:39:31 PM | Message Detail
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As promised yesterday, there is now a new update! When we last peeped in on the hunters, Xim had somehow managed to defeat their piraty pursuers via plot device. I mean mayonnaise.
Xim: Wha..? Where am I? Everything's so dark..
Voice: Hey! He's coming around!
Xim: Wha! Who's there? Don't make me scream like a little girl! I'll do it, I swear!
Familiar Voice: There you are, you idiot. How could you let yourself get beaten so easily? I thought you were tougher than that!
Xim: Another one! Party in the pitch black room! Why's it so dark in here anyway?
Map-obsessed Voice: Remove your face from the pillow, Xim.
*Xim looks up and is greeted by dwimmerlaik and a man wearing a red cape*
Xim: Hey, dwimmy. Where are we?
Caped Man: You don't recognize it, Kelt?
Xim: Kelt? How do you know my old name..?
*squints*
Hey! It's Kestrel!
Kestrel: Yeah, welcome back, Kelt! We were starting to wonder if you'd ever return! How long has it been since you left us with hopes of becoming a board hunter?
Xim: About.. 6 years now, I think.
dwimmerlaik: Man, after you collapsed from that fight, we were certain you were dead! I valiantly proposed continue on without you, but not before kicking you several times. To make sure you were alive, you see. But in the end, I remembered your words of this place after being reminded several times by the others, and I singlehandedly carried you here myself! Well, really, I just kind of watched the other guys do it, and threw rocks at you along the way. That's kind of like doing it myself.
Xim: Close enough. Geez, how long was I out? My head hurts..
Kestrel: Taking into consideration how long it took you to get here, and how long the treatment and recovery took.. I'd say about 15, maybe 20 minutes.
Doctor: Those were a scary 20 minutes, though.
Xim: Wow, that was fast! How'd you seal up the wound so quickly?
Doctor: Well actually, that mayonnaise you have in your pack healed the wound itself. We just kinda poked at you with used needles for a few minutes while waiting for you to wake up.
Xim: See, I told you these guys were great doctors! So, what's up, Kestrel? What've you been doing lately?
Kestrel: This place has been crazy since you left, Kelt. We thought we'd won the war, but they'd just been re-grouping for an even larger assault. Once you left, our power was greatly diminished and our enemies were free to attack us. We've driven them off many times, but if this keeps up much longer, I don't know what we can do.
Xim: You're still at war? After all these years? Maybe I shouldn't have left in the middle of battle to become a secret board hunter.. Yeah, in retrospect, it probably was kind of an awkward time to leave.. well, at least you guys are okay!
Kestrel: We lost over 3,000 troops in the battle you abandoned us in.
Xim: ..Touché.
Kestrel: Oh, don't worry about it. That's all in the past. We think there's only a few of the enemy left. ..Actually, some of those that have appeared on the battlefield aren't our enemy at all. They said they were looking for some kind of "board hunter with a Map". They escaped before I could cut them down, but it's been weighing heavily on my mind since. Especially when.. Oh, that reminds me, have you met Icarus? He's a rogue board hunter that showed up injured and starving a few weeks ago. He told us he was searching for a certain map as well, but he refused to tell us where he'd gotten his wounds. Other than that, he didn't seem quite as hostile as the others. We nursed him back to health, and he's been hanging around helping us fight since. He seemed to want to repay the favor. After receiving word from one of my intelligence sources that you had been captured, I told him if he really wanted to help, he should go rescue you guys. Did he make it in time? |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 12/25/2004 2:40:26 PM | Message Detail
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Xim: What? Didn't he come in with us?
dwimmerlaik: Oh, yeah, that guy. Nah, he left us before we reached this place. Said his debt had been repaid.
Kestrel: Oh, man. That guy was always so formal. Not a bad fighter, though. Not as good as you, Kelt, but not bad.
dwimmerlaik: What? Xim's no fighter! He's hardly lifted a finger our entire journey!
Xim: Well, fingers are heavy! It's not my fault! But.. geez. I feel awful about this, Kestrel. Should I stay and help you fight?
Kestrel: No, it's fine. We've almost wiped them out completely. Seriously, that Icarus turned the tides in our favor. So what's this about a map?
Xim: dwimmy, show him.
*dwimmerlaik shows Kestrel the Map while Xim fills him in on their quest*
Kestrel: Well, well. Quite the interesting tale. Might make a good seldom-updated message board story someday.
Xim: Well, thanks for the help, Kestrel. It's been great seeing you again, but we should really be moving out now. Sorry for not being able to stick around and see this seven year war come to a close, but now that I know we're being pursued by something more than just pirates, we'd best find the Lost Secret Board as fast as we can. But I tell you what, how about when we find it, you can have warutrid's share?
Kestrel: Sounds like a plan. I'll see you off, my friend.
Xim: Those guys looking for us.. didn't rav mention them when we first joined up? I'll have to ask him.. Hey, where's everyone else, dwimmy?
dwimmerlaik: They're all waiting for you downstairs. Let's go get them and continue our hunt!
Xim: Yeah!
*as Xim and dwimmerlaik rejoin their companions who are helping themselves to the contents of Kestrel's fridge, the Lord of Dark Tower watches on with a slightly amused expression, recalling the days of when he and a young man named Kelt fought side by side to build the nation of Dark Tower..*
*later at the gate of the Tower*
Xim: Well, I guess this is goodbye, Kestrel. It's been great seeing you again.
Kestrel: Sorry I can't join you guys, Kelt. Sounds like fun, but I've gotta look after the tower, you know.
Xim: That's okay, Kestrel. I understand. You're needed here now more than ever.
Besides, this story already has enough freakin' characters.
Kestrel: Hah, see you, Kelt! I hope you find what you're looking for! If you ever need any help, remember that you've always got an ally in Lord Kestrel of Dark Tower! Just send word, and we'll save you in any way we can!
DocProc: Oh, that's all right, Kestrel! I'm sure that slightly-foreshadowing promise won't need to be fulfilled any time in the near future!
The hunters have survived the assault on the pirate's fortress and have completed their second Board! What new adventures await them at the next Board? And what of these mysterious secret board hunter hunters? And how is the rogue hunter, Icarus Ascending connected with them? What if he knew Xim and Co. had the map? Huh? What then? I think you're holding out on me, punk. Watch yourself. Ve have vays of makink yew tahk. |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 12/25/2004 2:40:39 PM | Message Detail
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Today, a new chapter in the story that would later become know as "The Hardy Boys and the Case of the Missing Forum" begins!
*the hunting group sets out from Dark Tower to seek their fortune*
DocProc: So what's the next clue, dwim?
dwimmerlaik: Ah, let's see here.. let me just take out the Not Warutrid's Map.
warutrid: Grr..
dwimmerlaik: "Board #3: Upon finding the Lost Secret Board's sister, I discovered a veritable treasure house of knowledge. But not before competing with my comrades. It broke my heart, but I had to kill all of them before I won the prize."
Everyone: ....
DocProc: Well that's cheery.
slobr: We have to.. fight?
Xim: Maybe.. remember, this is a quest for the most sought-after treasure in all of GameFAQs. ..We'll see what happens when we get there.
warutrid: Yeah, I know I can't kill you guys. You're my friends. No amount of gold is worth that.
ravenwarrior: Of course! We're comrades! We may not have all been together long, but I for one would never betray you guys like that. Hey, if worse comes to worse, we can always let some other group handle that Board!
slobr: ..Oh, yeah! He's right!
Xim: That reminds me, rav. When you first joined us, you mentioned something about others with a Map that were searching for the Lost Secret Board. Did you ever encounter anyone that was looking for a Map?
ravenwarrior: Other than myself? No.. But I'd imagine there are. Perhaps we should stay on guard.
Xim: Well, okay then. Anyway, back to the task at hand. Our next destination is the "sister of the Lost Secret Board".
slobr: Could that be..?
Xim: I can only think of one board that might fit that description. And it's around here, too.
slobr and Xim: Web Wars.
Everyone else: Huh?
slobr: You know, Web Wars. For a long time, it was the very first secret board.
Xim: That might explain why the hunter that made the Map refers to it as the Lost Secret Board's "sister".
dwimmerlaik: Web Wars.. That's behind us a little ways, right?
slobr: Not too far, though. We should make it before dark if we hurry.
ravenwarrior: Right then. Let's move out!
?: Hold it right there!
DocProc: Gah! Up in the trees?!
Xim: *unsheathes Ham*
(Hmm.. he's good. I didn't sense his presence at all..)
*a young man leaps from the treetops and lands directly behind the hunters*
*they turn to face him*
Xim: ..Icarus?
Icarus Ascending: *stands up*
So.. you guys have the Map. I'll be taking it off your hands now.
DocProc: What did you say?!
Icarus Ascending: Don't make me repeat myself. Hand it over without a fight, and I promise I won't hurt you.
*Xim steps forward, all traces of good humor vanished from his face*
Xim: Not on your life. That Map represents the hopes and goals of all those that stand before you. The only way to fulfil my dream is with that Map. I won't just hand it over to you!
Icarus Ascending: Do you really want to die that much? I'm offering you a chance to live. Is your dream more important than your life, you scum?
Xim: I fail to see the insult in that.
*clenches the Christmas Ham in front of himself tightly*
Icarus Ascending: Heh, heh. Who do you think you're kidding? Do you honestly have any idea what you're up against? Put that pathetic excuse for a weapon away before you hurt yourself. The likes of you could never find the Lost Secret Board anyway. It's embarrassing to even watch you try.
*unsheathes a crimson blade*
Xim: Don't underestimate me. I'm prepared to fight to the last drop of.. uh..
*points at warutrid*
Your blood! |
|
From: Xim
| Posted: 12/25/2004 2:41:49 PM | Message Detail
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Icarus Ascending: Enough talk. Have at you!
*Icarus Ascending charges towards Xim with an intent to kill*
*Caught off guard, Xim narrowly manages to avoid the thrust of Icarus' cold blade*
ravenwarrior: You bastard!
*takes out the Vaitz Blade*
Grahh!
*rav is suddenly stopped in his tracks as warutrid stands in his path*
warutrid: Wait.
ravenwarrior: Dammit, get out of the way, warutrid!
warutrid: No, this is Xim's fight.
ravenwarrior: What the hell are you talking about?! That guy attacked all of us, not just him.
warutrid: No, look.
*points at the battle, Xim barely dodging each of Icarus' strikes*
Can't you see? Xim wouldn't accept your assistance if you offered it. He wants to deal with this one alone.
ravenwarrior: But why?! I don't understand, war!
warutrid: Because.. that man.. insulted Xim's dream.
ravenwarrior: !
warutrid: No one wants to find the Lost Secret Board more than Xim. If he can't protect his own honor here and now, by himself, he might as well not try anyway.
ravenwarrior: That's crazy..! All he's got is that ridiculous ham he's always swing around! How he can possibly hope to stop someone like Icarus with that thing?!
slobr: war's right, rav. You must let Xim handle this.
DocProc: Yes. Though he may not have a suitable weapon to fight with, any wound Icarus might inflict on him would pale in comparison to the pain from knowing he could not protect his dream.
dwimmerlaik: Besides, if worse comes to worse, we can always jump in and beat the crap out of that arrogant guy.
ravenwarrior: *drops Vaitz Blade*
(Was I.. was I the only one who didn't see this..?)
*looks up*
(These guys.. they're true hunters..)
*Xim is caught off guard by a sudden kick to his stomach, the giant ham flies out of his hands and into the air*
Xim: Ahhh!
slobr: Xim!!
Icarus Ascending: Heh.
*as Xim's friends look on, Icarus has pinned Xim against a tree with the tip of his sword*
Xim: Heh..
Icarus Ascending: ? What's so funny, you slime?
Xim: *tears open his shirt to reveal some diamond-embedded chestplate armor*
DocProc: Hawt.
Xim: Compliments of Kestrel. You won't pierce my flesh with that sword of yours.
Icarus Ascending: Well, well! Hidden armor, huh? But I still don't see why you think you have the upper hand. This time I'll just aim for your face!
*Icarus pulls back for a devastating swing to lop off Xim's head*
*It is as if time freezes for a moment, as the other hunters rush forward in a desperate attempt to aid Xim, who still has an odd smirk on his face*
*Just before the blade claims Xim's life, the still airborne Christmas Ham comes crashing down on Icarus Ascending's head*
*The rest of the group stops dead in their tracks*
DocProc: Whoa! Xim, you're okay!
warutrid: *checks on the lifeless Icarus Ascending*
He's out cold! Nice one, Xim! You were saved by a fluke, but you beat him nonetheless!
Xim: Heh, yeah.
*retrieves the ham*
I am a master of Christmas Ham style kung fu, after all.
slobr: Well, that was odd. At any rate, we should be moving on to Web Wars now. That fight got my blood pumping. I'm ready for action!
dwimmerlaik: Well, I'm sure you'll find it when we reach the Lost Secret Board's sister! That chick is so easy.
Xim: Let's go, guys!
ravenwarrior: (Was that just a fluke? No.. he intended for that to happen, I'm sure of it! How could anyone possibly predict that? What is Xim hiding?)
So Icarus Ascending was a bad guy after all? I'm confused. But things are finally starting to heat up again, at any rate! What new adventures await our hunters at Web Wars, the original secret board? Find out next time.
No, really. I mean it this time. You'll find out. |
|
From: Xim
| Posted: 12/25/2004 2:42:17 PM | Message Detail
|
You know, I've been thinking. Xim started this story over 6 months ago. And he intends to have the hunters go through the entire Backwards Journey. That's a lot of boards. After 6 months, they've only completed two of these wittingly-titled "Boards", and are only on Verctrex. That's like, 3% of the journey. I may just be second-guessing here, but I really doubt this thing will be over any time soon.
Well, stay tuned for the exciting conclusion come April 2012!
dwimmerlaik: And then I was all like "Not on your life. That Map represents the hopes and goals of all those that stand before you. The only way to fulfil my dream is with that Map. I won't just hand it over to you!".
Needless to say, that Icarus guy was really afraid of me at this point. I could have finished him off at any time of course, but I decided to throw him to my servant, Xim.
warutrid: Wow, dwimmerlaik! You're so cool!
slobr: Web Wars is just beyond this ridge!
Voice: Wait....
*the hunters turn around slowly, to see..*
Icarus Ascending: ..It's.. it's not over yet..!
*with blood pouring down his face, Icarus limps after Xim, propped up by his sword*
Xim: What?! He's still on his feet?!
Icarus Ascending: That's right.. no matter.. what it takes.. I won't allow you to claim the Lost Secret Board!
DocProc: Don't you know when you've been beaten? Turn around right now, and we'll let you live.
Icarus Ascending: Never.. not even.. if it costs me my life!!
*with surprising speed, Icarus stumbles forward, sword dragging behind him on the ground, ready for one final strike*
Icarus Ascending: URRRRRAAAHHHH!
*CLANG!*
ravenwarrior: *knocks Icarus' sword from his hands*
That's far enough.
warutrid: Why? Why are you still doing this?
Icarus Ascending: *falls to the ground*
Because.. I have a dream too. I will be the one to find the Lost Secret Board, not you. It is.. all I care about. To stand upon the pedestal of the hunt, and proclaim my wish!
ravenwarrior: !
slobr: Wish? What wish?
Icarus Ascending: The true Treasure of the Lost Secret Board.. any wish one makes can come true.
slobr: What?! You're delusional! Any wish can come true? How the hell can a secret board do that?!
Icarus Ascending: Believe what you want.. but I.. I know it's true! It must be! There's nothing I desire more..!
Xim: ....
warutrid: Wait, wait. So you're saying any single wish someone makes there comes true?
Icarus Ascending: Yes.. but just one.
warutrid: Even.. even claiming possession of a certain Map?
dwimmerlaik: I'm afraid there are some things even the gods cannot grant.
Xim: You would....
Everyone: ?
Xim: You would sacrifice your very life to reach the Lost Secret Board?
Icarus Ascending: ..Yes. Whatever it takes.
Xim: You would even crush other's dreams in order to fulfil your own? You would sacrifice them as well?
Icarus Ascending: ..Yes.
Xim: ....
*steps forward*
Come with us.
Everyone: What?! |
|
From: Xim
| Posted: 12/25/2004 2:46:09 PM | Message Detail
|
warutrid: You can't be serious! He tried to kill you! And now you want him to come with us?
Xim: He's a good fighter, right? Wouldn't it help to have someone like him on our side?
slobr: Yeah, but.. what if he decides to turn on us again?! You heard him! He doesn't give a damn about any of us! He'd slaughter us without a second thought..
Xim: That's exactly why I'm asking him to come with us. Maybe journeying with us, he'll begin to understand what secret board hunting is all about.
Icarus Ascending: ..Shut up.
ravenwarrior: What did you say?!
Icarus Ascending: I said SHUT THE HELL UP! I don't give a damn about secret board hunting! I just want that wish!
Xim: That's not true.
Icarus Ascending: What isn't?!
Xim: You believe there is something.. more to this Lost Secret Board. Something I had never even considered. You may seem to not care bout hunting, but in fact, that's exactly what you're doing, like it or not.
Those words you spoke. "Whatever it takes." Those are the words of a true hunter. But you must understand, what you're doing is wrong. Trampling someone else's dream to achieve your own isn't fulfilling a dream at all.
Icarus Ascending: You just want to use me.. use my power to help yourself get there!
Xim: That's right.
Icarus Ascending: What makes you think I'd let you do that?!
Xim: Because we are going there. Come with us.. I don't know what we'll find there, but you can count on me to help you reach it!
Icarus Ascending: Why should I believe you'll allow me to make my wish?
Xim: I can't tell you what to believe. I'm offering you help. If there really is some sort of wish, we'll decide on it later. But without us, you'll never make it there anyway.
Icarus Ascending: ..Why..? Why are you doing this for me? I tried to kill you!
Xim: You also saved my life. Before you knew we held the Map to the Lost Secret Board, you risked your life to rescue us. We're square.
Icarus Ascending: *rises to his feet*
I don't understand you at all. But I'll help you. You have spared my life when you could have killed me. I will travel with you until my debt is repaid.
Xim: Sounds like a plan.
Icarus Ascending: But know this: once I have decided that I am no longer obliged to assist you, I will turn on you and claim what's mine.
Xim: Whatever. Let's just get going.
Icarus Ascending: ....
ravenwarrior: Are you.. certain of this, Xim?
Xim: Yeah, yeah. Let's go.
*the hunters continue their trek to Web Wars*
ravenwarrior: Hmm..
*eyes Icarus*
Well, he IS strong. This could work in our favor, I suppose.
DocProc & slobr: Yeah..
slobr: Web Wars is just beyond this ridge!
The party expands! But what new adventures await the hunters at Web Wars? Find out next time! |
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