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Tales Of Monsterpath
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Message Board
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The Quest For The Lost Secret Board
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10 |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 2/10/2006 1:52:26 AM | Message Detail
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Well, well, well. It seems the hunters have caused a miraculous breed of creature to become extinct, potentially costing the lives of countless innocents in need of medical treatment the world over. Who would have thought they could cause so much damage? Anyone that's read even one chapter of this wonderfully asinine story, that's who. What does Mr Agent Guy know?! Tune in next time for Quest For The Lost Secret Board!
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...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. Scum
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003
<10!!> |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 2/10/2006 1:54:02 AM | Message Detail
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See what I did there? You were all "Oooh, suspense! I wonder what Agent is going to say!" and then you went to the next page and you're like "I'm going to kill Xim and rape his family." Suckers!
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...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. Scum
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003 |
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From: IMADV8
| Posted: 2/10/2006 5:45:06 AM | Message Detail
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*is the most dissapointed panda in the entire world*
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Board 580017: Dark Tower: The Last Free Board on GameFAQs
Have you accepted Rasputin as your personal savior? Board 579765: The Official Rasputin Board |
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From: LCC
| Posted: 2/10/2006 2:23:48 PM | Message Detail
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I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely. Just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr.... poopy pants!
Naked Gun!
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From: Secret Xim
| Posted: 2/10/2006 3:04:23 PM | Message Detail
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[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster] |
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From: Secret Xim
| Posted: 2/10/2006 3:05:13 PM | Message Detail
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Part 2 1/2 I might add!
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...(¯\/¯)(¯) (¯)_(¯) ...R.I.P. Scum
...(_/\_)(_)(_/\_/\_)...4/18/2001 - 5/26/2003 |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 2/14/2006 10:41:19 PM | Message Detail
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Last time, in an action that only Immanuel Kant would have considered moral, the well-intentioned idiots Xim and Mr Agent Guy unintentionally caused the future deaths of an inconceivably large number of people.
Agent, as of yet, remains something of a mystery. Why does he know about the Lost Secret Board? What is the extent of that knowledge? Could it be possible that he has been tailing the others up until now? Or maybe he's among the competition. As of yet, said competition has remained something of a mystery as well. What could his secret be?! Don't you wish you could just get on with reading the installment instead of being asked these questions you obviously don't know right now but will most likely discover in mere moments? Well, no dice. The only good part about this story is me and you know it. Besides, once I start rambling it's not like you can just "skip over" what I'm saying. This ain't your precious "Digital Video" technology, you crazy kid! You couldn't possibly skip what I'm saying, it's in text format! Your eyes will keep moving back and forth across the page the way they taught you in school. We're all bound by it. It's the establishment, man. Don't like it? Tough noogies. Raise your fist and march around, you rebel, you. That always solves EVERYTHING.
Icarus Ascending: Well? Out with it. How do you know about the Lost Board?
Mr Agent Guy: Well.. of course, everyone's heard the myth--
warutrid: Dude. Does anyone even remember the first installment?!
Everyone: No.
Mr Agent Guy: Anyway, the first time I heard the story, I was mesmerized. It was a hunter's dream come true, you know? Me and a couple of my buddies snooped around, gathering info and rumors from all over the secret board network, and, well.. to make a long story short, my group and I eventually uncovered a Map in an ancient tomb on Apple II.
warutrid: *calmly fills a glass with water, takes a big sip, and spits it out in surprise, drenching everyone*
Wait, so now there are two Maps?!
slobr: This plot is hard enough to follow as it is!
Mr Agent Guy: At any rate, that's pretty much it. We've been going around finding the Boards and fulfilling the challenges for some time now.
Icarus Ascending: (I'm still not convinced.. he should know better than to try and con a con man.)
Groovilicious: But where are the others that you're working with?
Mr Agent Guy: Off at different Boards. We figured it was kinda stupid for all of us to go to each Board. So far, we haven't had much trouble solving the trials at one person per Board.
mario man4: Hmm..
*looks around at his nine companions*
ravenwarrior: Don't you think that's a little reckless?
Xim: Seriously, man. If I hadn't shown up, you would have been Ochu lunch.
Mr Agent Guy: Well, it's a good thing I was here to give this bumbling fool a hand. He might have died.
Xim: Ah, but as long as I'm around, you needn't worry about dying, Agent. Because of your incompetency, you see.
Mr Agent Guy: Don't feel bad just because you suck at everything, even things that don't exist.
Xim: You can't even--
LCC: Good lord, it's like there's two of them now. |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 2/14/2006 10:42:05 PM | Message Detail
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ravenwarrior: The fact is, you both beat Ochu.
(Hmm.... this could be..)
That's pretty impressive. We all have the same goals anyway, why don't you come with us?
Xim: Actually, I don't think it's that great an idea to work with him on the grounds that he's a dummy head.
Mr Agent Guy: Glad to! It looks like your group's in need of a good leader anyway.
Xim: Hey! We already have a leader!
slobr: We do?
dwimmerlaik: Oh my. This is so sudden. I always thought you guys simply saw me as a god among men, but a leader? Hmm..
Xim: I'm talking about me!
*everyone bursts out laughing*
DocProc: *slaps Xim on the back*
Oh, Xim. You kidder, you.
slobr: All in favor of letting Agent join?
Everyone but Xim: Aye!
Xim: Hmph. Fine. But I'm still the leader. See?
*points at his "Leader" nametag*
dwimmerlaik: Oh good, I've been looking for the janitor. There seems to be the carcass of some monster here. Clean it up, will you?
warutrid: Hey, Agent, can I see your Map?
Mr Agent Guy: Actually, one of my companions has it.
warutrid: *falls to his knees and cries uncontrollably*
slobr: Don't we still have to finish this challenge before we go to the next Board anyway?
Groovilicious: Oh, right. Where's that kid we're supposed to save?
Old Man: She's up ahead in the next clearing.
DocProc: Wah! Quit doing that!
Icarus Ascending: ..Well, let's go then.
*led by Icarus, the group marches off to the next clearing*
*when they emerge in the sunlit field, a little girl in a yellow dress sits against a large rock with her arms folded*
Old Man: Honey, we're here! These nice people have found a cure for you!
Melanie: It's about time you clowns showed up! Where have you been, dammit?! I'm dyin' here!
Groovilicious: Well, aren't you a sweet little thing? What's your name?
Melanie: Papa Smurf. Now quit yer yappin' and hand over the Jade Powder.
mario man4: Now, now. Where are your manners?
Melanie: Sorry, I seem to have forgotten them since I have been DYING A SLOW, PAINFUL DEATH FOR THREE DAYS.
slobr: Aw, isn't she great, guys? She doesn't seem to want the antidote. I guess the only thing left to do now is sell it on Ebay for a small fortune and then run away with the loot when you're not looking.
warutrid: I think what I like best about our group is that we all are completely united to a singular cause and not constantly planning to stab each other in the back.
Melanie: You know what I like best about your group? The fact that you never shut up. It's real charming.
Icarus Ascending: Heh. I like this kid. Xim, give her the stuff.
Xim: 'Kay.
*Xim reaches into his pocket, produces the jar of Jade Powder, and then stares at his empty hand, trying to comprehend how this chain of events could have gone so horribly haywire*
DocProc: Not so fast!
*the group spins around to see DocProc holding the jar of Jade Powder high in the air, one of his legs propped up on top of a tree stump*
DocProc: Fools! You would just give it to her! Nay, friends, my vast and ever-expanding medical knowledge has offered me insight into the proper treatment for this girl. We can't just let her suck down this glop! It would be disastrous! The only true path to a successful cure is through a series of intricate medical procedures the likes of which-- g'hey! Give that back!
ravenwarrior: *walking over to Melanie*
Open wide, kid. |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 2/14/2006 10:42:52 PM | Message Detail
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DocProc: *darts by at lightning speed, snatching the jar away again*
You dare doubt DocProc's expertise?!
mario man4: Proc, the last time you made a diagnosis, I was almost smothered to death by a pillow.
DocProc: Ah, but that was the OLD Proc! Now I'm hopped up on Jade Powder!
LCC: You want I should fireball his ass?
Xim: Nah, it's cool. I've seen Proc in action. He's a genius. Saved mario's life.
*mario man4 sputtered an incoherent protest but was cut short by slobr*
slobr: So, what's your plan, Doctor?
DocProc: I'm glad you asked that, slobr. I have an idea SO smart, that my head would explode if I even began to know what I'm talking about!
Melanie: Um.. hello?
Groovilicious: This doesn't involve pie, does it?
DocProc: Pie! Of course! Why didn't I think of that?
Groovilicious: Dude, you've used pie in like almost every medical treatment since we met!
warutrid: Come to think of it, rubbing that cream pie on my broken arm that one time didn't really help that much.
LCC: Yeah, and that cherry pie just made my toothache worse.
Xim: I don't know what you guys are talking about. The apple pie Proc made for me healed me right up.
Icarus Ascending: What did you have?
Xim: Only one of the most dangerous and contagious diseases known to man. Baseball fever.
ravenwarrior: Xim, that's not a real disease.
Xim: That's not what Proc said.
DocProc: Natch! I'd say my track record speaks for itself here.
Old Man: Um, I hate to be a bother, but it would seem Melanie's passed out.
*motions towards the limp form of what was probably once a very healthy child*
DocProc: No matter. That's the first sign of convalescence.
warutrid: Didn't you once say death was tantamount to recovery?
DocProc: Think of it this way: if you're dead, injuries and diseases no longer affect you, right? Then again, I'm one of the more "free-thinking" doctors.
Icarus Ascending: Yeah, your thoughts seem pretty "free" to me.
LCC: Outside of the constrictions of logic, even.
DocProc: Enough banter!
Now, it's no secret that I'm a master chef.
Groovilicious: I like where this is heading.
DocProc: As such, today, I will be showing you how to make Jade Pie ala Proc! LCC, if you please.
LCC: *sighs*
*with a wave of his hand, LCC produces a tabletop counter with several ingredients and kitchen supplies strewn about the surface*
*Proc stands behind the counter, confident that this new layout will surely win him the highest ratings on the Food Network in the weeks to come*
DocProc: Now, when preparing a pie for your family (or patients), it is best to start with the core ingredients....
*fifteen minutes later, after DocProc stumbled clumsily through Pretending To Know What The Hell He Was Doing, his moronic attempts at a plausible recipe interspersed only by slobr repeatedly trying to change the channel with a television remote he inexplicably had on his person, Proc had just about finished* |
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From: Xim
| Posted: 2/14/2006 10:43:24 PM | Message Detail
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DocProc: *somehow covered head to toe with baking powder despite the fact he used salt and baking powder didn't even come into the formula at any point in the demonstration*
And then you toss the pan into the oven and hope for the best. Luckily, we needn't wait for the pie to finish baking, as I had the foresight to prepare one beforehand.
*a chorus of annoyed groans filled the forest as Proc knelt down and produced a pre-made pie from under the counter*
DocProc: And doesn't that look yummy, folks? Now, pies such as this need to be served--
ravenwarrior: Dammit, gimme that!
*snatches the pie off the counter*
*he proceeds to take the jar of Jade Powder and dump its contents on the golden pie crust in a less than graceful manner, much to the disapproval of pastry chefs everywhere*
DocProc: Hmph. Some people have no respect for the arts.
dwimmerlaik: *kicks Melanie*
Melanie: *wakes up abruptly*
Ow! Hey!
Mr Agent Guy: Yo kid. Eat this pie.
*picks up the Jade Pie ala Proc and shoves it under Melanie's nose*
Melanie: What the-- why?
dwimmerlaik: Yours is not to question why. Yours is to eat the pie.
*in light of such a convincing argument, Melanie had no choice but to scarf down the questionable dessert*
Groovilicious: Well? How do you feel?
*Melanie's face had turned slightly green*
Melanie: Um.. was there peanut butter in that?
DocProc: Only the finest!
Old Man: Oh no! Melanie's allergic to peanut butter!
Melanie: It makes me break out in hives! You bastards!
DocProc: Now, now. No need to thank me. Comes with the territory when you're a fantastically brilliant doctor/chef!
Old Man: Oh! Melanie's back to her old healthy self!
Groovilicious: *eyes warutrid*
We noticed.
warutrid: *face first on the ground, the little girl pulling his hair furiously*
Owww! Why is it always my fault?!
Old Man: How can we ever thank you enough?
*Xim's eyes glinted hungrily at the promise of an easily-exploitable situation, but ravenwarrior cut him off*
ravenwarrior: That won't be necessary, my good man. We're just happy to help.
mario man4: Besides, this brings us one step closer to unfathomable riches.
Old Man: What's that?
LCC: Dammit, mario! With people like you, it's no wonder the legend doesn't remain a secret!
Old Man: Huh? Well, I'm not sure what you're talking about, but thanks anyway! Come now, Melanie, dear. It's time to replenish our mushroom stock.
Melanie: *steps off of warutrid*
Aw, again? Is that the only reason we live out here? I wanna go move to a more populated board and go to school like all the other kids!
Old Man: Now, now. Shut the hell up, girl. Grandpa needs his fix.
*the pair leaves briskly without a word*
Mr Agent Guy: Weird people, huh?
dwimmerlaik: I'll say.
DocProc: None stranger.
Xim: Eccentric, more like.
warutrid: I hope we never have to meet anyone with a weird obsession like that again.
LCC: On an unrelated matter, what's the next clue, dwimmy?
Dude, hives are way uncool man. I got 'em back in the sixth grade and, oh man, it ain't pretty. Sheez. It's like, even when these knuckleheads help someone, they hurt them! Well, anyway, it's that time again. What time, you ask? For those of you who haven't caught on to what my role in this story is yet, I'm the guy that announces when the updates are beginning and ending. And if you didn't realize that, you should be ashamed. I'd wager you have an intellect a little over twice as great as Xim's. That's far from a compliment, though. |
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From: LCC
| Posted: 2/15/2006 1:45:59 PM | Message Detail
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You must be an imposter! There is no way in hell that Xim could have posted an update within a week of the last one! That's just madness! Madness I tell ya!
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|."."|¯¯.|¯¯
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From: Lagoona
| Posted: 2/16/2006 9:06:07 AM | Message Detail
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*tags for later reading*
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Nobody's perfect, I'm nobody. :-Þ |
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From: ravenwarrior
| Posted: 2/18/2006 11:12:46 AM | Message Detail
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I am so kickass! I brought the pie to the kid! Instead of that jerk, "Xim Brought Da Pie". That guy owes me rent money. And a cowboy.
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Now that the new $20 is in, please send all of your worthless old $20's to me.
Machine Gun specialist of the SOMUNIST AC team ~ Moonside |
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