Hello. So you want to hear my endless lamentations? Well you've come to the right place. I say lamentations, but there's more in here than just whining and kidding. There are also bad words, violence and sex. Mix 'em together and you've got the perfect receipe for a good movie. Nah, seriously, this place is all about the world as seen through the eyes of an ordinary guy that has been looked down upon by fate, if it does exist. Personally, I don't think so, but sometimes the way events turn make me doubt. Y'know, when everything that happens just seems to do so to just to bug you and only you. I probably ain't the only one to feel that way, and the ones like me generally don't seem to become very popular. Besides Charlie Brown, that is. But who cares. Who said you had to choke in a crowd of friends to be happy? I don't need, and aboslutely don't want, to be the center of attention. I prefer sobriety and discretion to flashiness and exuberance. I have my handful of friends, and that's enough for me. Still, I can't consider myself as being utterly happy. I'd even say this world sometimes drowns me in despair. I wonder if this place is really where I belong to, if I'd not be better... somewhere else. So despairing life can be, it is still filled with plenty of surprises, good or bad, and it's even enjoyable some times. In my occasionally disconcerting melacholy, I admit I sometimes now take pleasure in existing, and however great your misfortune might be, be strong and live by your way. You have the potential to become everything you want to, maybe it's just hidden deep inside. I have been looking for it for a long time, but I still haven't found the will.

"Smile; tomorrow's gonna be worse."

A while ago, as I was crumbling into nothingness, I started reading a small book that changed the way I looked at things. All of you must know of Murphy's laws. Well that book is all about Murphy's philosophy, including hundreds of thoughts and rules that changes that loserness into a constructive way of life. If things go that wrong, it's because life makes men commit the mistake of always asking the same questions and giving the same wrong answers. The murphology, straightens out the path ahead and allows us to understand the way life works and to see it from the right side of the mirror. Allow me to remind you of Murphy's laws:

1. It never is as easy as it looks like.
2. It's always longer than we thought it would be.
3. If many things can go wrong, it's always the worst that does.
4. If, in a given situation, we avoid the four errors we thought possible, we will commit a fifth.
5. Things naturally tend to go from bad to worse.
6. Everytime we're about to do something, there's something else we should've done yesterday.
7. Every solution breeds new problems.
8. Nothing is fool-proof, because fools are everything-proof.
9. Something's always wrong...
10. And Mother Nature is a bitch.

...or something like that (that's another of my world famous homemade translations). If we can remember and abide by those rules, we'll have better control of our lives and, most of all, if we take those laws as granted, we won't take it personal when something goes wrong. Hence, this philosophy doesn't promote loserness, contrarily to popular belief, and we'll be better equipped to face the challenges that are continually slapped in our face. I admit that believing our existence is fundamentally unfair ain't reassuring at first, and it can be a major pain in the ass if we channel all our misfortune onto ourselves. Since things usually seem to go wrong for me, adopting that kind of philosophy probably was the only way I wouldn't turn into a psychotic serial killer. It may sound lame to you, and I also thought so at the beginning. But the more I read the book, the more I realized it applied perfectly to my situation. Murphy's philosophy may not be the solution to everyone's every problem, but it sure helped me get through tough moments. As you'll read below, my existence ain't always a big party, and I do my best to get through it without going mad or too depressive. So, if I didn't scare ya too much, you'll discover the world as I live it everyday by reading forth. Please just keep in mind that not everything here is very exciting as I'm not a superhero y'know. I'm just an ordinary guy who decided to share his experiences in hopes of one day finding a sense to all of it.

NEWS

02/02/03

Yo. Life sucks. I mean, it doesn't suck that much, but it sucks nonetheless. I don't know what's got to me. Something's terribly wrong. I feel as if I was all dried out inside. Shit, I don't feel like playing games anymore! :( Ha, ok, so now you know I wasn't faking it, eh? Seriously, I don't actually feel like doing anything. I've been sick for a week, missed all my Aikibudo/Kobudo courses, vegetating in a state of vegetational vegetetion. But, I did manage to kick my ass to most of my university courses (three out of four, precisely). Hopefully my lil sweetie was there to take care of me most of the time. Didn't even manage to give her my shit though. Anyway. All this to say I feel odd and empty, but otherwise everything's ok. I finally got my last term's courses' marks, and passed 'em all. Fortunately, since I got those frickin' marks about two weeks after the deadline for abandoning courses without saying bye-bye to the cash I hardly earned working in the dreadfully decadent world of scary clowns, charlatan magicians and other utterly evil street artists. Why the hell am I saying this. You don't care about that. I got myself Impossible Creatures for very, very cheap *cough cough* and burned an image of Celtic Kings that had been taking up space on my drive for too long. Both are RTS's, IC having a good quote according to my seetie, but none really kept my interest for much more than a few minutes. My friend also gave me back my Neverwinter Nights CDs I lent him even before trying it out. Well guess what, I was right not to try it out, as I played through the introduction for around two hours and got bored to unconsciousness. Bioware definitely is on my blacklist now. Besides, I just can't find a game that doesn't make me burst into agonizing vegetablism. Not long ago I could play a bad game for hours ven though it suck to death. Now all game I play seem like they suck, aven those I loved in the past. I feel like doing something instead of wasting my time on those. Rather, I feel like making my own game, but I don't know where to start. I got courses on OpenGL, object oriented programming, C++ and I can create my own artwork. I basically have (theoritically) everything I need, but I'm just so fucking lazy. I guess once I had begun working on a project I'd be ok. What I need is a partner that can kick my ass when I'm letting everything down again. Anyway, I guess I should go now. But if you feel like me, I'd be glad to share ideas and thoughts and start working on a little project to kill some time and practice my theory once in a while. <:)

Oh, I should create a new gallery soon to put some modern/sci-fi drawings and stuff. Mostly old stuff, but I guess it deserves its place in the Lair nonetheless.

Archives:

November 2002
April 2002
February 2002
October 2001
June 2001
May 2001
April 2001
March 2001
February 2001
January 2001
December 2000
November 2000