ARCHIVED NEWS (MAY 2001)

two minutes later

After turning the computer off, I thought I'd have several more things to add tomorrow, but I think I wouldn't have slept well if I didn't tell them right away. Do I love her as a friend or as a girlfriend? Do I love her as both? She says she can be both, but I doubt so. She probably loves me enough to do so, but I'd be the problem. I get along very well with her right now, but I wouldn't look at her the same way as soon as we'd officially be back together. She's an absolutely wonderful person and has all the qualities that make me go crazy. She's smart, funny, honest, kind, passionate, cute, patient, strong-willed and she likes computers. Most of all, she's herself, and only herself, something I couldn't say for myself. I could elongate the list on several pages, but I don't want to bother you with that. Anyway, the idea's that she really has everything to make me love her, but she also has some personality quirks that totally get on my nerves. On rare occasions she even puts me to shame. Maybe that's why it didn't work the first time. We did love each other very much, but as time went by, I got to see her few faults more than her countless qualities. Although she never stopped loving me, I slowly lost my passion. And what's love without passion. Even though, when I left her, I cried for weeks. When I think of back then it still makes my eyes wet. Maybe it shouldn't, but it does. I remember, several days after I had left her, I played a song I had learned for her on the guitar, My Own Prison from Creed. It was our favorite group back then. So I practiced it like any other song, without thinking, but suddenly it made me realize I could never kiss her nor hold her in my arms ever again. It was all over. And I cried for an hour as I kept playing the tune. If you look carefully, you still should be able to see the marks of my tears on the guitar. This was my ode to the good time we had spent together.

*wipes tears away* Damnit, 'must be sleep. I really should be going. Still, I can remember very well that feeling of utter despair I felt that moment. This makes me cry everytime. Even though I had felt it countless times before, this time it was stronger than ever. Kinda like in my dream, actually. Sleep. I need some sleep.

29/05/01

Am I expecting too much from life? I do think so. And I think that exactly is my problem. I'd like to be the best in something, if not in everything, something I just can't seem to be able to achieve. I'd like to control my life, but it's elucidating me, flowing through my fingers without I being able to do anything about it. I'd like to find simple, pure love without sacrificing a hint of my very limited freedom. I... My problem is that I don't know what I want. I wish I could live a love story such as in George of the jungle, y'know. Hmmm... actually maybe it's not an excellent example, but whatever. Y'know in all those movies everything's just so perfect. If I get involved with someone, I'd wish so much it would be that perfect and even more. ('not talking about George of the jungle here by the way...)

I suppose people who live exceptional lives are, well, exceptional. I don't want to become famous, nor rich or anything. Yet, with all those dreams I did lately (like this one and this one), I've been looking for emotions as powerful as those. Unfortunately, although I feel I totally do love her, the feelings I have for her aren't as intense as the ones I experienced in my dreams! What if I had such intense feelings for someone else one day? Would I break her heart again? I don't think so, I just couldn't allow myself to do so, not again!

Just what the fuck am I talking about anyway... Damnit, I'm all so fucked up! Why did she have to love me anyway? I have nothing special, damnit! Why me?! She could've found someone else after our story, and that would've closed the case. I know it ain't her fault though, I've been lovesick more than once before. I had only found deception and disappointment then, and that's only when I actually did do something about it. More often than not however, I had kept my love secret because I knew it totally was unrealistic or impossible. And I just spent my nights crying for nothing. Are you getting at it yet? Do you finally begin to understand my dilemma? I think my heart was so often torn apart that I can't stand risking hurting someone else's feelings. Now the situation is such that whatever the decision I make, I'll make her cry someday.

Anyway, we're straying from the main question, as what the nature of my feelings for her is. I sure would hug her and hold her in my arms, feeling the warmth of her body against mine, but I've been such a loner for a whole year... Maybe I'm just in need of affection, y'know. Anyway, think about this: I don't even understand me, how could I even understand her and make her happy? It's ridiculous. But on the other side she's waiting for me now. I know she doesn't intend to put pressure on me, but anyway... I'm responsible of a sea of potential tears. Even though I love her as a friend, I wish I had someone to spend and share my sneseless existence with. Like spending a whole afternoon doing nothing but roaming on the net or playing a good, long game of Dungeon Keeper 2's Pet Dungeon. But then, I know very well it has nothing of an exciting future, and so afraid of our relationship to become as boring and despairing as our individual lives. Maybe we actually are too much alike, and we would eventually get tired of each other?

I think what I need is isolation and a cat I could pet. *sighs* I don't know what I want. Hell I'm so confused. Maybe a good night'll clear things up a bit.

27/05/01

Don't dream and drive, kids. I almost hit another car twice this evening. Love's a dangerous thing, especially when it's so confusing. I don't know what to think anymore. Do I need a friend more than a girlfriend? I just couldn't say!... We have so much in common, yet I don't want a relationship based on sex and video games, even though both are so good (though, in my opinion, sex is only good when it's a messenger of love). I... I want us both to become one. I'd hate myself too much if I ever hurt her again like I did a year ago! I just don't trust myself. She was so strong and patient while I was so fucking weak and afraid of what could be lying ahead. Aw, I'm so confused! Damn, I'm such a screwed up lovemad creep!

All this because of that party. It was a good thing that I was so dumb that night. I almost got lost on the way there. Anyway. It was pretty kewl, and I'm pretty glad I did it. Everyone was so high and happy, I guess it was contagious. As the sun was rising, I was laying down beside her, and I just couldn't help simply admiring her. Even though my eyelids were weighting a ton, I couldn't close them or even try to turn my gaze away. It felt so strange after all that time. Yet, it was so familiar. I knew it wasn't right, but I felt so good as I looked at who's the most beautiful person to me. Back then she didn't know I knew she loved me, neither did she know I too had feelings that strong for her. But are they strong enough to prevent me from doing the same mistake I did a year ago? I don't want to cause any more tears and woe. That I don't know. I don't trust myself, 'cause I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. Y'know.

25/05/01

Hi guys. I'm taking advantage of the only few spare minutes I'll have today to chat with yaz. Since I've been accepted at The World of Dreams, well, y'know, it seems like time's just running away from me. That shard's awesome, maybe the best one out there. I've got some screenshots, but I won't have the time to upload them until, perhaps, saturday evening.

Hmmmm.... Besides that, right after work, at about 23:15 I'll get prepared for a big party at Vince's place. Plenty of people. It could be cool, but the more time goes by, the less I feel like partying t'night. Well, first, y'know, by the time I'll get there, everyone'll prolly already gone for it, and I'm gonna feel lost when I'll arrive and stuff. Next, there are gonna be three different gangs, each having it's own favorite music type and definition of party, so everyone will be fighting over the music and stuff and it's gonna shit, y'know. And... and... Aw damnit, and I just don't feel like drinking! Besides I'll be tired as hell when I'll get there! *sighs* Anyway, I kinda have to go sinceif I don't they're gonna look down on me or something. *shrugs* But I wonder what the fuck my presence's gonna change to the party. I ain't gonna make it better, and probably that no one'll even notice. *shrugs* Bah whaetever.

even later

Heya it's still me. I just wanted to make sure that you won't miss the Project Ego preview from Gamespy. If you don't feel like reading through the whole thing, just have a look at the screenshots at the end. At last, real grass that sticks out of the ground! I was getting frickin' tired of those crappy, supposedly "bump-mapped" ass-lookin' textures! Now you're talkin' about some major good-lookin' graphics! *stands there looking at the screenshots, mesmerized by the uncredible level of detail*

later

Finally, I visited the official Ghost in the Shell website, from Manga Entertainment, and I went into the links section. There, I found a link pointing to a Discovery.com subsection entitled "From Ghosts to Droids". This site's pretty frightening. Basically, it explains why Ghost in the Shell is more fi than sci by reporting today's technological achievements related to the movie. Damn, this stuff is giving me the creeps, but it amazes me at the same time. I really feel like I was born at the wrong time. Damn I want to see those things in action! I want to live in that future! Right now, not when I'll be too old! Well, have a look by yourselves.

22/05/01

Hello. Ouch, it's been... *counts on fingers* ...well, way too long. What does a gamer do to take advantage of the nice weather outside when he feels ashamed of spending the whole day inside playing the N64 in the basement? Well, he does as Ob and I did, he takes the N64 and the TV outside and spends the whole day playing the N64 outside! Cool huh? Yeah, I also thought so. Don't tell me. Anyway.

Are you pondering about the very nature of existence? Have you ever wondered what being human really meant? If so, I encourage you to get out and rent - or even better, buy - the awesome anime Ghost in the Shell. Basically, the movies' theme is one of confusion and questioning, within which the police characters try to get to an artificial entity known as the Puppet Master. In 2029 AD, people love machines. Yup, they love them, because they're on the verge of becoming machines themselves. The brain, along with the whole human body, is slowly being replaced by synthetic materials. As the organic human body is becoming obsolete, ethic and moral questions arise as what exactly defines existence as a complete human being. All the movie long, the audience gets to discover a whole new conception of existence as Major Kusanagi and her partner Bateau try to uncover the dark plots of the Puppet Master.

Basically, this is one amazing movie. It ain't just another video game-like clone or a meaningless action extravaganza. It is a lot deeper than mostly everything else I've ever seen in that genre and keeps you thinking back about it days after seeing it. This is a must-see for everyone but those who don't like anything but straightforward, meaningless action.

On this, my friends, I shall depart to do... I don't know what yet. Nonetheless, be sure to read everything you can find about Ghost in the Shell though, and remember to watch it one day before it's too late and you can't see anything anymore. But then, if you're not too old, you could, if you could afford it, just transfer your conscience into a newer, tougher, fully working synthetic body. Acording to the future depicted in Ghost in the Shall, that is. Good night, readers.

14/05/01

Hello. Ouch, it's been four days. Anyway. Hey have you ever had a nice evening so that when you come back home you feel all happy and groovy? Now have you ever done a single puny thing just before the evening ends that ain't you and that puts you to shame, ruining all that feeling of satisfaction? Well I just did both, and it sucks. I hate it when I jerk around like that. Just as I was leaving Ob's car and getting back home, 4 lowered her window and told "Hey, move that lil' booty!" And I shaked my booty. But y'know, that lil' dance must've looked real bad. I dunno why I did that, that just ain't me. *shrugs* Then a microsecond later you're outta "Er, what the fuck did I just do?" Eh. Just a thought.

We went to see A Knight's Tale. At first we kinda were afraid of Queen doin' the music and stuff. Well after all it ain't that bad. As would say Ob, just don't get minded to see Braveheart 2. It's a nice little medieval brain-off movie. There are enough anachronisms to make an historian turn purple and begin dancing around like a mexican turkey while doing bubbles. It's pretty good nonetheless if you're in the right mood, y'know. Well all in all, maybe it's not worth paying goddamn high cinema entrance fee, but it's worth seeing.

Hey I had yet another a weird dream this morning. I think this one's a big one. But I won't tell yaz 'cause it's too... well, not revealing, but you might get a bad opinion of me. Alright so there was a mistress, y'know, like the ones in Dungeon Keeper 2... a real killer. I thought the chick loved me, but I realized she was a total whore who only liked me for my body (she must've received too many slaps from the Keeper...) and wanted to abuse me. No, that's not one of my fantasies. Black leather bitches absolutely disgust me. Well don't take it personal if it's your thing, but... Anyway. I really thought she loved me y'know. So there also was an anonymous guy I often work with, David Lafrenière. Now that guy was pretty weird. We were both lying down by some kind of poor BS medieval tavern after work, and he suddenly raised and bared his butt so that the mistress could slap it, what she did pretty instantly and efficiently. Ew. Hehe, I'd like to see his face when I'll tell him I saw his ass in my dream. *jiggles* There was another part in my dream. I don't remember if it was before or after the mistress thing, but it was pretty kewl. I was supposedly playing Dungeon Keeper, but from inside, y'know. Bah whatever. The thing didn't really look like the game, but I knew it was because I had tried and tried again to finish a damn level all night long until 5 am (in real life). Anyway. So, in my dream I was set up on completing that level. Now I don't remember very well what I had to do exactly, but there was a guy I had to beat in melee. The setting was some kind of room where there were several ice blue plateaux separated by bottomless crevices. There was a glowing white portal at the end of a long windy staircase that started on one of the rightward plateaux. On each side of this plateau were weapon racks holding all kinds of blades, from swords to axes to spears to polearms to... well you get the idea. Each weapon was different from the other. My opponent kept disarming me and always fled through the portal. At first I was wielding only a sword, but later, after getting disarmed by the black-clad monster, I picked up a huge polearm that looked like a jagged voulge. But then I thought to myself that I couldn't hold a shield too 'cause the weapon was two-handed and stuff. I really had to have a shield 'cause it added +15 to the armor rating provided by the iron plate I was wearing. Anyway. So, briefly put, after several tries ('cause when I failed to stop the thing I could start all over again, like in a game), I finally succeeded in beating the crap out of this beast and pushed him down the crevice. Then the mistress showed up again and accepted to try to get involved with me and everyone was happy. Don't ask questions. After all, that last part must've been after the butt-slapping mistress part 'cause I already knew her. Still, she didn't look like a whore anymore, but rather like an ordinary blond girl. Pretty weird. Anyway, once again, I was all upside-down when I woke up this morning, or should I say this afternoon. Weeee...

Alright, you little juggling weasels, you got me to tell you my forbidden dream. But on to more serious things, tomorrow I'll send 200$ to LCI so that they order the parts of my new AMD Thunderbird 1.33GHz 256 SDRAM with an Asus 7700 64Mb GeForce2 GTS video card!! Woohooo!! Now you're talking about a bomb! I'll finally be able to play Tribes 2! :D Unfortunatley, from the point they order the parts, it should take about two weeks for it to be ready. *sighs* Oh, cruel torture! Then I'll have to drive to Sainte-Foy (near Quebec city) from Trois-Rivières to get it. But it's gonna be worth it! Hey, can you imagine?! I'll be into serious business with that baby! Phew!

Enough talking, I need some sleep. G'night people!

10/05/01

Yo folks! So, as you probably already know after reading the updates section in the Lair's Entrance, I've added a gallery containing old UO screenshots I took while playing on the excellent but defunct Draygon Fyre shard. Hey, if anyone of you UO freaks are still visiting this place once in a while, drop me a scroll!! I'd love to hear from y'all! *sighs* I asked Ob to lend me the UO cd I gave her so that I could play some more, but I fear that UO is slowly fading away behind the horde of 2nd generation MMORPGs that will be coming out soon. i would've so much to tell you about our adventures, it was awesome. But man, I wasted so much time of my life playing a virtual existence! Actually, that's why playing UO was that fun. You could build up a character that could be almost anything you could've imagined. They could not only become fearsome warlords or famed treasure hunters, but some rare freaks (including me) also focused their training on mundane skills such as mining, cooking or tailoring. Simply awesome. I'm very eager to try out those new MMORPGs, and I hope they'll be able to stand up to the first generation. If you know of a god UO shard, tell me, I'll come visit ya! And if you have UO stories you'd like to sahre with us, e-mail them to me and I'll post them in here (until I find a way to implement a damn forum).

Alright, I'll get to Dungeon Keeper 2 now. I won't do like yesterday and the day before that and begin playing at 1:30 am, only to go to sleep when the sun rises at 5:30, just before my father wakes up to go to work. |:/ Heh, it's unbelievable, dawn has actually become my reference as for when to go to bed. Alright I'm gone. 'later!

09/05/01

Errrr... In the last update I didn't mean cat, but cap. 'Makes more sense that way. You can thank the fan of the month, that good old Ob ;) , for saving your sanity from my impertinence. Well besides that, I added and changed a couple of words here and there to make the last update prettier. *shrugs* Eh!... *sighs*

Well, I would've done without those two last work hours, along with the big 14.40$ that goes with it. I kinda was minded to finish at 8:30 pm, which is the time I actually should've finished. But they needed someone to stay until 11:00 and stuff and blah blah blah... So I stayed. Dumbass. Well I thought I'd see some friends online on ICQ, but it sems it ain't the case. Just in case you still didn't know (or if I was so stupid to forget about it), my ICQ# is 14548950. Just tell me you're from the Lair or somethin'. *sighs* I'd better be off and have a shower before my odor spreads to the whole place. C ya next time!

later

There. Now, at 3:03 am, I think everything's fine. Everything should be okay. What wouldn't I do for y'all, fellow travellers! I even sacrifice some sleep to make you happier! Alright, alright, I admit I probably would've played Dungeon Keeper 2 until this hour anyway. Nonetheless, his was hard work, and it still ain't over yet. There are still the music and the links sections left to do, but that's gonna have to wait a bit. For now, enjoy the new gallery! I'm outta here!

09/05/01

Woohooo! At last I'm finished! Well, I think. If you find anything, please report it to me. Hey did I tell ya I changed my cat? Yea, y'know the one that was too small my friends gave me at my birthday? Oops, maybe I forgot about it. Anyway. I chaged it for a cool short sword. Heheh. Actually that's not very accurate, 'cause I had to pay the difference. It's a very short sword, more sort of a big dagger, y'know. Anyway. I like it. Hehehhe... It's also that day I bought Dungeon Keeper 2. I know, it's kinda old, but it was also cheap. And it's a great game too. But I think I've already said that. Whatever. Oh, and my summer course was fu!"*$' boring too. So I'll look at everything in the Lair to make sure it's alright. Oh, and I'll change the poll too before you read the update. C ya later!

08/05/01

Yo. Sorry folks, no massive update yet. I "only" have the thumbnails galleries to finish, but I've been too busy playing Dungeon Keeper 2. No need to tell ya it's good and stuff, try it by yourself if you're looking for a new strategy/action genre. Arh, and should I take that 40 hours job? Anyway, I'll go work on that stupid update now. Have fun folks.

05/05/01

Phew! I'm almost finished with that damn update! The nav bar's finally done. Next step: the thumbnails gallery. *looks at time* Errrr... it's bad. Very baaaad. 5:47 am. Seems like the root beer kept me alive for longer than I had planned. Anyway. It was worth it! Once again I beg for thy patience, fellow adventurers, for soon shalt thou find what I promised thee! But right now, what I need is some sleep. I'll try to finish that tomorrow... Dho! I mean, in a few hours... C ya later folks!

04/05/01

Hmmmm... Nothing can beat eating Jalapenos chips with rootbeer at 23:47 a friday night after the job. Wait, actually something does, but Angelfire would kick my ass if I talked about it. Hey I'm working on a giga-update that will redefine the way people surf on tha net. Well, maybe not, but the Lair will certainly change a lot. Well, maybe not a lot, but at least a little. Arh damnit, just wait until it's ready!!

02/05/01

I'M A DICK! I'M A DICK! I'M A DICK!!!

01/05/01 in the early hours

Welcome back folks, and sorry for tha delay. I guess I kinda forgot to finish this off. If you haven't read the last post, I suggest you do it first before reading this one. But again, I won't be able to know if you did or not and to ground ya if ya didn't. So the whole gang was at the wonderful hole that is the Beach Club to "celebrate" not only my birthday, but also Ob's and Fan's ones. Ob's was earlier last week while Fan's one is sometime in the next few weeks. Anyway. So all in all, Mat, who's Fan's guy, tenderly got her to dress as what we now commonly call a "motté". Hmmmm... I don't have an exact translation for that word since even most francophones don't use it. Let me describe her attire so that you can better grasp the meaning of this new piece of wisdom. She was wearing a white t-shirt with the playboy bunny under a flashy yellow shirt, along with black stocksings and a red scottish-patterned skirt that went to her knees. Oh, and the playboy t-shirt also had zippers running on the sides, as if it was designed to be removed quickly. You get the idea? Anyway, that's not the point, so let's move on. Well as Mat was out to find some weed, she went to the bathroom, and when she came out she was apostrophized by a friendly and totally charming "hey, hello baby!" coming from some guy at the bar. Heh, you should've seen her face. Fan's so not that kind of girl! The guy was lucky that her boyfriend was out, 'cause he probably would've held his tongue before Mat's 6'4" and over 200 pounds. :D Rocked by a very limited number of dance and great pop tunes including Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera (weeeeee!... sarcasm), my sight was getting slowly more and more blurred, and my brain was getting more and more on standby. Sometime in the evening, as the ambiance was getting warmer, a friend noticed the rude-looking guy at the bar was oddly looking at another one of my friends. Y'know the kind of humorless guy with stubble, who looks rather gross, dirty and works as an agricultural machinery mechanics... The problem is that he didn't seem very warm at seeing the two of my male friends in each other's arms, and I was kinda worried that he'd be looking for trouble at some time. So I warned him (my friend, that is), so we discreetly began to analyse his behavior. Suddenly, he changed his target and, following his gaze, we realized he was intensely looking at Pa's butt!! Aw man, it was so funny! We feared that he was some kind of stupid dumbass homophobous freak while he probably was gay himself! *smiles at the thought of it* Later that night, when I came back with the chinese hat I had left in Ob's car, someone paid me a drink, but I don't know who. I thought it might have been that same guy who thought I also was homosexual or something and wanted to be nice to me. Or it could've been anyone else (there weren't many people left besides our gang at that time) that offered it as a birthday present. But how could've the known? Maybe they heard us talk. Anyway. I found the situation was pretty funny, well, sort of unusual y'know. All in all, I had a great time partying with y'all guys, and thanks a lot for being there and everything. I hope we'll do that again soon this summer!

Have you ever heard of the anime named El-Hazard? 4, Ob and I rent and watched half the episodes tonight. Odd, but entertaining. The lil' lesbian nympho's funny. And the transexual schoolboy cutie too, not counting the talking cats that wrap around people and change into a living armor. Damn those asians have strange fantasies! Anyway, it sounds fun, so you can get your hands on some episodes if you want to fill your boring evenings.

Well I think I'd better be off to wash 'cause my armpits smell funny and to get some sleep right after. Oh, and I also have to brush my teeth because I ate an apple. And my throat's sore. Cool huh? Alright I'm outta here.

Yea yea, I'll change the poll soon! Patience is a virtue!