Guide to getting and playing
You know your bands in trouble
Your girlfriend stays home to do her
nails. (She certainly doesn't feel threatened about
other girls flocking around her "rock
You can't get your brother to roadie (after all,
there's no girls around!)
Your best mate suggests that maybe you ought to
consider a career at McDonalds.
People start flooding out the door in droves,
insisting that "I have to get up early to go to
work tomorrow" when it's only 10 PM.
Your band members show up late for practices (or
don't show up at all) with excuses like "the dog
You've played at six different clubs and they ALL
tell you they're already booked up 2-3 months ahead
of time and to call back then, when they tell you the
All those people at your open practices have excuses
as to why they didn't attend your show last night
(the one you promised the bar you'd have 50 people
The stage manager cuts your set short, insisting
"We're running out of time" when its 9:22
PM and you started at 9:00 PM!
There's a terrific crowd in the bar but they're all
at the pool tables or in the toilets.
The PA equipment starts acting up and the sound guy
can't find the problem until it's time for your set
to end and the next band to go on.
No one's signed your mailing list for at least five
shows, even though you personally went around and
talked to everyone in the bar and stuck a pen in
People start yawning while you're playing... and you
catch it, too.
Everyone wants to be on your guest list (you aren't
worth paying £2-£3 to listen to).
You start giving out cash door prizes and no one's
interested (now you KNOW you're in deep trouble).
The soundman has his back to you and is talking to
someone for at least five minutes.
The waitress is propped up against the bar.
There are queues for the pool and football tables.
The chatter from the cloakroom's louder than you are.
There's only one barman on duty on a weekend night
(actually if this is true, the bar's in trouble too.)
There's no applause after your songs (the audience is
paying so little attention they don't even know when
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