Guide to getting and playing better gigs


   

Band In Trouble

     
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You know your bands in trouble when....

Your girlfriend stays home to do her nails. (She certainly doesn't feel threatened about other girls flocking around her "rock star").

You can't get your brother to roadie (after all, there's no girls around!)

Your best mate suggests that maybe you ought to consider a career at McDonalds.

People start flooding out the door in droves, insisting that "I have to get up early to go to work tomorrow" when it's only 10 PM.

Your band members show up late for practices (or don't show up at all) with excuses like "the dog threw up".

You've played at six different clubs and they ALL tell you they're already booked up 2-3 months ahead of time and to call back then, when they tell you the same thing.

All those people at your open practices have excuses as to why they didn't attend your show last night (the one you promised the bar you'd have 50 people at!)

The stage manager cuts your set short, insisting "We're running out of time" when its 9:22 PM and you started at 9:00 PM!

There's a terrific crowd in the bar but they're all at the pool tables or in the toilets.

The PA equipment starts acting up and the sound guy can't find the problem until it's time for your set to end and the next band to go on.

No one's signed your mailing list for at least five shows, even though you personally went around and talked to everyone in the bar and stuck a pen in their hand.

People start yawning while you're playing... and you catch it, too.

Everyone wants to be on your guest list (you aren't worth paying 2-3 to listen to).

You start giving out cash door prizes and no one's interested (now you KNOW you're in deep trouble).

The soundman has his back to you and is talking to someone for at least five minutes.

The waitress is propped up against the bar.

There are queues for the pool and football tables.

The chatter from the cloakroom's louder than you are.

There's only one barman on duty on a weekend night (actually if this is true, the bar's in trouble too.)

There's no applause after your songs (the audience is paying so little attention they don't even know when you've finished.)

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