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Chapter Two: And there was more, and we said yeah.



"She just left. She didn't even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? Some little sign that she cared?"-Spike


I was lighting up another cigarette when the whelp finally burst from the building. I'd wanted to see what the Slayer would pretty the boy up in. When I saw though, I was shocked for a moment. Bleedin' Hell the boy looked good. I choked on that thought. <The git makes a good chit, s'all.> I reasoned with myself, inwardly snickering at my inane rhyme. <Prolly since he's such a poncey lil girl to begin with.>

He was upset too, by the look of him. Not strange considering. The simpleton got dumped by his girl then turned into one and not one of his pals notice how upset he is. Bloody stupid lot, they are. I'd watched him trying not to cry the whole night while the rest just went on about the obvious problem.

I followed him into the night world of SunnyHell as discreetly as I could. After dropping back to tell the Bitch Queen and her Lap Dog that I'd patrol with the runt, she'd nodded and said something mildly insulting so I took off after the fleeing boy.

Amazingly enough, the boy's ability to draw demons from miles around by looking the right proper victim was doubly effective in his female form. I caught up to the puppy as he was being jumped by four fledges at once. Normally he'd be able to keep off at least one of them with his stake and holy water, but the whelp had been diminished in size and strength. (Yes I'm making him sound stronger than he is. Shut up. My way is more sportsmanlike.)

I watched him struggle futilely for a moment before jumping into the fray to stake the buggers. BR>

"But it’s not our place to fight. Surely some man will protect us."-Buffy

I was so upset when I finally ran into the pack of vamps that I didn't even stop to consider that Buffy and Soldier boy might not be behind me. I didn't consider my being smaller either. In the past I'd been able to handle a fledge on my own. It was always scary as hell and hard, but I'd managed to stay alive somehow. And so I stupidly charged the closest vamp, stake drawn.

The fledge caught my wrist easily enough as I plunged my stake toward its heart and pushed me off of him like I was a fly. I leaped up off the ground again as the vamps surrounded me and jumped on one, hoping to knock it off-balance. It merely deflected me. That's when I realized that I was small. And alone.

That moment of terror only lasted a second before a bleached vamp in black leather appeared and fought off my attackers with relish. I watched as Spike dusted each of them. He was so much stronger and more graceful than I was. I wished for a moment that I were a super-hero, so as not to require rescuing from evil dead people. Spike turned through the drifting dust and looked at me, his face vamped out, eyes yellow, glowing eerily at me. His eyes flicked over me, probably hoping to see me gushing blood or something, then he looked over my shoulder. His face registered surprise then annoyance before he was moving with preternatural speed to stand next to me.

I turned around to see what he was looking at and yelped. There was a pack of about fifteen vamps in black suits bearing down on us, all in game face. "Who the hell are they? The Vamp Mafia?!" I asked, looking around frantically for Buffy.

"Don't know." Spike hissed, pushing me behind him. "I hope you don't run like a girl." He added and shoved me into a run, dragging me along with him as he ran in the direction we'd came from. He changed directions after a moment of full out sprinting before we crashed through some bushes and into a clearing where I saw Buffy and Riley turning to look at us in surprise.

Spike skidded to a halt and whirled to face the direction from whence came our pursuers. "What is it?!" Buffy demanded, holding her stake ready, Riley ready for action beside her. I stood panting by Spike, waiting for the vamps to burst through the bushes.

"Friggin' flock of vamps." Spike spat out at her, slipping a stake into my hand just as the 'flock' appeared. The vamps all yelled at once, bellowing "For Aesop!" Then there was a flurry of fighting, in which I staked one vamp and got thrown into two different trees, then I stood again with Spike, watching as Buffy staked her final vamp and helped Riley off his ass where he'd fallen.

"Who were they?" Buffy demanded of Spike. She advanced on him, murder in her eyes. I blinked. <Oh sure, like Spike would lead a bunch of buddies to Buff's stakes.> I rolled my eyes. <I mean, yeah, he's an annoying ass-munch, but he's not stupid.>

"I haven't a bloody clue, Slayer." He said and glanced at me. His scarred eyebrow rose and he smirked. I realized that I'd been clinging to his sleeve. I jumped back as if I'd been slapped and looked everywhere else in the world.

"Okay, then, looks like its time to go back to Giles and research some more because research is good and leads to knowledge and that helps with knowing things." <Smooth, Xan, babbling stupidly will make you look more manly to the vamp you just clung to.> I mocked myself as brutally as I suspected Spike would when given the opportunity.

"Yeah, good idea." Buffy said absently, pocketing her stake. We set out towards Giles' again. "You okay, Xan? I mean, aside from the whole being a girl thing?" She asked. "You're shaking." She observed. I cursed colorfully in my mind, aware that both Riley and Spike, the only fellow male-types around would hear my answer.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Buff." I lied. "Just a little freaked out. I'm so much smaller now. I never realized just how oogy it is to be attacked by things taller than you." It was kind of the truth. It was the reason why I'd latched onto Spike. I'd been terrified and he'd been all tall and not trying to kill me so I'd clung. I probably would've done the same to Riley or Buffy if they'd been close enough.

"I can see how that'd be wiggy." She said, linking arms with me. "At least you didn't scream like a woman." She pointed out cheerfully. I let out a sigh of relief. I hadn't been too sure about that. Spike patted my shoulder with a snarky grin.

"No, pet, you just screamed like a little girl." He said and dodged away from the stake I swung at him. After a moment I blinked. <Spike patted me.>How much weirder can things get? I was so busy brooding about that, that I forgot to be depressed about Anya or my friend's lack of consideration.


I felt weird heading back to the watcher's place after the fight. It had been strange, dealing with the lackbrain. My instincts and my demon saw him as a poor defenseless little woman, the dark hair didn't help by reminding me of Dru. I'd accidentally referred to him as 'pet' already and I patted him. I'd done it without thinking. I'd already felt like a bloody poofter for protecting the git, but now I was being nice and touchy feely as well?

I realized what a ponce I was being and took off away from them without an explanation. They ignored me anyway. Stupid bunch of gits. I headed back to the girly-man's basement, hoping to get some time in front of the tele. Channel nine had reruns of Passions after ten.


"Yeah. We have a highly trained medical staff working 'round the clock to tell us diddly."-Buffy


I felt the world wobble strangely for a moment before falling down on my ass. I tried hard to focus on what Willow was telling me in her nervous babbling. "Wait…wait." I begged feebly. I stared at her worried face.

"So Xander's going to be a girl forever?" Buffy clarified. I was suddenly very grateful for Willow's babbling.

"Anya came by when you were out," Giles explained. "She said that she did it because she believes you deserved to know what it was like to be a woman. She refused to break the spell and left before we could stop her." I sat numbly, letting it sink in. The almost tears that I'd been in most the night were suddenly gone. <I want to cry.I need to cry, why aren't I crying? I want chocolate and I want to cry dammit!> I was going to be a woman for the rest of my life, and then I wanted to react like a woman and cry!

Alas, no tears came. Willow and Buffy both hugged me repeatedly, promising not to give up on my manliness. I followed them numbly outside and let myself be settled in the passenger's side of my car. Giles drove Willow and me to my house while I stared blankly. Willow kept squeezing my shoulder and patting me.

By the time we'd arrived I had put on my goofy Xander armor and hugged Willow and grinned at her. "I'll be fine, Wills! I just need some sleep and I'll be back tomorrow, trying to find ways to reestablish my masculinity!" I reassured her. "I just gotta go, y'know, take a loooooong shower and find out just what this body can-" She smacked my arm.

"Xander! That's disgusting!" Giles just scowled at me. I grinned at her and shoved her toward Giles.

"Take my car back, I'll get it tomorrow. Go on, myself and I need to be alone." I teased, wiggling my eyebrows. They finally left and I let myself into the basement. I locked my door as habit demanded and went down the steps, ignoring the vampire that was sprawled across my bed watching Passions.

I made my way to the fridge and opened it. <Yum! Rancid milk and bloodbags.> I glared at the contents a minute. I was so hungry. There was nothing to eat and I didn't want to go out and I had no money anyway and I was going to have to quit my job and mom and dad would kick me out of the basement and I would be homeless and none of my clothes fit me anymore and couldn't keep mooching off of my friends and Anya was gone and I had no one to help me feel better and I wouldn't be getting any orgasms for a long time and was I a lesbian now and was I going to get my period and dear god I'm hungry and I want to die!

Needless to say, I found my tears again.


"Oh, leave that one. He looks like he's ready to drop any minute, and I think I can eat someone if he's already dead."-Spikey

I'd ignored the whelp when he entered, preferring to watch Theresa and Ivy, but I found the boy a little more interesting when he fell to his knees in front of the fridge sobbing. I blinked at him for a moment before getting up to see what turned on the waterworks. When I stood over him he blinked up at me, not seeming to recognize my face. I took one look at those huge chocolate doe-eyes and dropped to my knees beside him.

I pulled the small body into my lap and started purring loudly, while rocking the hysterical female. I guess a century of tending to hysterical Dru-ness had trained me to respond to dark-eyed bints like a poofter. "Shhh, pet, what's wrong?" I asked quietly. The whelp sobbed and mumbled something about being hungry and lesbian orgasms. I blinked. <Lost 'is bloody mind 'e 'as.> I rubbed his back soothingly until he was merely hiccuping.

After a moment the boy looked up at me with his huge sad eyes and blinked. I resisted the urge to drop him on his ass when I felt my evilness being called into question by those chocolate eyes. Instead I waited for him to react.


"Check this out, they put cheese on round bread. It's gonna be big."-Xander

My brain felt fuzzy with despair and all kinds of fun stuff like that when I was finally finished weeping like a little girl it took me a minute to realize that I was being held. I looked up slowly in confusion when I noticed that the chest I was being held against was vibrating. Eh? I took in the face that looked down at me with an alien expression of compassion and wondered if I was trapped in a hell dimension where nothing made sense. I watched, in shock as panic then determination flit through his deep blue eyes.

"Why can't I turn invisible when I want to? I mean there was a girl in high school that did the invisible thing and it made her kinda crazy homicidal but I think I could handle the invisible thing if it happened right about now..." I babbled as I eased myself out of Spike's lap. He actually chuckled at me in a non-mocking way. I watched him warily as I got to my feet and went to the bathroom. Once inside I splashed cold water on my face. "Well I seem to have lived through my first hissy fit." I commented more to myself as I dried it on a towel. I came out of the bathroom to see Spike on the phone ordering a pizza. "Spike, what're you doing?" I demanded a little shrilly.

"Getting dinner. You said you were hungry." He said with a shrug. I resisted the urge to start weeping again.

"I don't have any money, Spike! Food requires cash and I have less than pocket lint!" I insisted. I fell backward on my bed and squirmed in the too-tight jeans. Spike held up a wad of cash that he'd dug out of his duster pocket and turned his attention back to the TV.

I groaned and rolled off the bed to loot through my laundry in search of some relatively clean sweatpants. I couldn't breathe in Buffy's skintight pants of doom. I changed in the bathroom and then sprawled on the bed again, my rumbling stomach triggering a few more waves of despair and pain. "We're going to be homeless by the end of the month." I informed my undead roommate.

"Why?" The vamp asked, keeping his eyes on the TV. I took his inattentive moment to shimmy out of the tank top and into a T-shirt that looked far more comfortable. It was bright red and came to my skinny, girly knees.

"They can't fix me. I'll have to quit my job and I'll be booted out of here since I'm not 'Xander' anymore. I'm screwed. Completely and thoroughly fucked." I said and lay glaring at the chipped and peeling ceiling.

"I'm sure ol' Rupert'll find a cure." Spike said, shrugging off the seriousness of my situation. "That's what you Hero Gits do. You fix who's broken. If they deserve it, that is." The last part was mumbled but I caught it anyway. He was right, though. We hadn't exactly busted our asses trying to fix his problem. The chip had totally destroyed his way of life, just as my involuntary sex change was doing to mine.

I sat up, staring at him for a moment, finally realizing just what the chip had done to the vampire. I actually started to feel bad for him. I guess that happens when you can identify with someone, evil or not. I had half an urge to apologize to him but I kicked it into death quickly. He'd only get pissed and mock me. I merely decided to shut up instead. The last thing that I would want to hear in his position was someone else whining.

I sighed and lay back down, pondering my new revelation about the vamp. He wasn't quite so bad to be around anymore. I had gotten used to him being in the basement and he did help out every so often. I guess it was getting to be like those stories about hostages starting to side with their captors. Sure, he was evil, but he was also a person to us now.

<Ooh! Look! I distracted myself by thinking about other stuff! Yay! Now back to brooding about my current doomedness.> I jumped a mile when there was a knock on the door. Spike answered it before I could even look up and a moment later the delicious and heavenly aroma of pizza filled the hellhole I lived in. My stomach growled in triumph.

Spike paid the pizza guy quietly and came back to the bed. "Save me a few pieces." He insisted and shoved the large Canadian bacon and Pineapple pie of Heaven into my hands. He went into the kitchen area and grabbed some paper plates off the top of the fridge. I shrugged off the issue of 'Omigawd Spike is being quiet and nice and he bought me pizza and my favorite flavor too!' and viciously attacked a slice of heaven .

"I think you're my favorite vampire now because Angel never got me pizza and all the other ones try to eat me." I informed him around my dinner. He merely snorted and started on a slice of his own. When I was full (which happened way sooner than it used to) I cleaned up then flopped on the bed again.


"And I wonder... what possible catastrophe came crashing down from heaven and brought this dashing stranger to tears?"-Drusilla

It was a strange night. Wonky all around. First I comforted the moron when he broke down and wept like a baby, then I bought him food with my own dosh. I even soddin' reassured'm. That was more'n any of his crew ever did for me. It made him think though.

I stayed awake long after he fell asleep trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I figured it was his form. Always before, Harris had a way about him that just screamed 'victim' to any whom observed him. It was in his body language and the way he always deferred to everyone else. A real submissive git, he was, and that just made him a demon magnet.

Apparently his change from male to female only increased the effect. He was small, pretty, and everything from his scent to his stance said, "Corrupt me?" As a predator, I was finding it difficult to resist that siren's song. The dark hair and eyes that I'd always been partial too didn't help either. My demon wanted to chomp the lil pretty and the rest of me wanted to protect him like I did Dru.

After coming up with a plausible explanation for my un-Big Bad-like behavior, I decided that I'd done far too much thinking for one soddin' night and went to sleep.


"Please take me where they can make me unconscious and naked." -Riley

I woke up early the next day, my internal clock still set for work and lie staring at the ceiling for a while, wondering what I was going to do. I eventually called into work to quit. It took me a second to realize that I couldn't even be Xander any more. I was forced to tell my boss that I was a friend of Xander's and that he'd had a "personal emergency" and wouldn't be able to work any more. He complained a bit, but I simply hung up.

It hit me then that I no longer existed to the state of California either. My Driver's license and social security number and birth certificate were now useless. I didn't even want to think of those implications. If I did I would start sobbing again and I really didn't think Spike would want to hold a sobbing Xander again. I know I had to be bright red at that thought. And then the memory of Spike purring stirred of this strange strangling sensation and I thought I was going to choke until I exploded into rather hysterical girly-giggles.

<So that's why the girls are so hard to calm down when they see something "cute".> I thought, curled on my side, giggling. It was kind of scary. I had the urge to go "Awwww." As well but that was easier to fight than the giggling.

"Oi, Shaggy, what's with the giggling? 'm tryin' to sleep 'ere!" Said vampire complained. I just giggled harder and rolled over to face him. He was in game face and everything, yet I continued to giggle insanely for a minute before I was able to calm myself enough to speak.

It was difficult but I managed to choke out a few words. "Estrogen is scary." Then I was off again with the insane giggling. He rolled his eyes and fumbled for the phone. He dialed and after a moment spoke.

"Oi, Rupert! Did you find a cure for Harris yet?" He demanded. "He's getting girlier by the minute. Soon 'e'll be playin' with dolls." He didn't seem happy with what Giles was telling him. "Oi, pet, Watcher wants to talk." He said finally, tossing the phone to me. I picked it up, firmly restraining any further giggles.

"Xander, are you all right?" Giles asked immediately. I actually thought about it.

"Um...I'm alive and I've discovered the joy of teenage girl-type giggles." I told him, forcing myself to be cheerful, goofy Xander again. "Did you find anything after I left?"

"No, I'm sorry, Xander, but the most we've come up with is a summoning spell to bring Anya back here. The only way to break a vengeance spell by a vengeance demon is to have the demon itself lift it." I felt the bottom drop out of my stomach. It was a slim chance. Anya wouldn't like being summoned and wouldn't be easy to convinced. She was impossible to coerce once she'd decided on something. "Xander?" I realized that I'd fallen silent.

"Alright, sounds like a plan! When do we get to it?" I asked with feigned enthusiasm. I ended up agreeing to be at Giles' place at five that afternoon so they would have time to prepare for the spell. "Seeya then!" I hung up and counted to ten before screaming at the top of my lungs and pounding my bed as hard as I could. I didn't care if Spike saw me flipping out. I knew that he'd understand. I'd seen him do the same when he was newly chipped.

"No luck then?" The vamp asked quietly when I finally lay face down, trying to convince my body that smothering myself in the pillow was a good thing. After a second I flipped over, gasping for breath and jumped up out of the bed.

I took Buffy's jeans and tank top and a nice big Hawaiian shirt into the bathroom to shower and dress as quickly as possible. I came out of the shower, trying to braid my long hair with no luck whatsoever. I finally gave up and pulled it up into a sloppy ponytail and pulled on the black shoes. "I'm going for a walk." I announced and left as quickly as possible.

Speed walking down the sidewalk, no destination in mind, I took deep breaths to try and calm myself. All right, so Alexander LaVelle Harris was dead. Anya was more than likely to refuse if she even showed. I was going to be a girl forever. I was going to have to get used to this new person that I was and it wasn't going to be easy. I didn't know what to tell my parents. I somehow doubted that I could get away with telling them that they've been drunk since my birth and I was always a girl.

That meant that come rent time in a week and a half, they would boot me, refusing to shelter one of Xander's friends. Not to mention I didn't exactly have enough money for rent. I was going to make it just barely this month, but now that my job was a no go, I was short.

There was also the issue of clothes. I had no clothes that fit me anymore. Just what I'd borrowed from Buffy. That meant that I needed a whole new wardrobe, which brought up the whole "no money" problem again. I supposed I could get a few outfits from the goodwill to hold me over until I had another job, but just the thought of shopping made my mouth go dry. I knew the girls would help me, but still, gah.

A teenage boy yelled an obscenity as he drove past; making me jump and that brought another problem to my attention. Would I still like girls? Would my body be attracted to men now? It was giving me the wiggins just sitting down to pee (really weird) but would I end up having sex with a man someday? And what about my period? What the Hell was I going to do when that happy day came? I shuddered. Would I get p.m.s. like Buffy?

What other scary hormonal issues did my new body have just waiting to appear and steal my sanity?

I lost my train of thought when I reached a crowd of students walking. I looked around and realized that I must've walked to UC Sunnydale. I blinked. Long walk. I kept walking through the crowd. I kept being elbowed and brushed against and nudged aside. It seemed like no one saw me. I felt like I was being squashed under the press of people, all oblivious to my personal space.

I started to get scared, feeling like I was going to be trampled. I looked around frantically, trying to get out of the press. I think I was starting to hyperventilate when a large hand settled on my back and I was steered clear of the group of students.

Once clear I looked up and saw Riley looking down at me, concern on his open face. "What are you doing here, Xander? You look like you're going to run screaming into the night or something." He asked. I shook myself forcefully, regaining my composure.

"I don't know.I was walking and then everyone was so in my personal space bubble and I felt like a squirrel stuck in traffic or something and it was so freaky and I'm so short!" I babbled for a moment before Riley suddenly had the look of one who'd seen the light.

"Calm down, no one's going to squash you, Xander." He said, directing me to walk with him toward Stevenson Hall and Buffy and Willow's dorm room. "You're just experiencing first hand the instinctual differences between the social standing of men and women and.." He leapt into a psychobabble explanation that when on for a while until I stopped him.

"So yer saying that girl space bubbles are small and boy space bubbles are big." I said, simplifying it into more Xanderish terms. He stood with his mouth open for a moment before grinning.

"I guess if you want to put it that way." I suddenly felt bad for every girl I'd ever stood too close to. We started up the steps to the girls' dorm; me being careful to avoid contact with people we passed. We knocked on the door and entered to find Buffy pondering a box of clothing. Riley stepped over to her and they kissed while I pointedly looked at the Chocolate poster on the door.

"Hey Xander, how're you feeling?" She asked after a century of snogging. I put on my Xander goofy grin version 3.2.

"Effeminate." She grinned and gave me a tight squishy hug. Okay, maybe being a girl isn't so bad if I keep getting such nice warm squishy hugs. <Hooray for boobies!> I grinned more genuinely. "What's that?" I asked, pointing to the box. Her grin faded a little bit. <Uh oh.>

"Well you're about my size now," She started. "Your chest is a little bigger, which is sooo not fair, but I figure you'd fit in my clothes and a lot of Wills' so we grabbed all the stuff we don't wear anymore so you'd have something to wear until we get this fixed." She explained. I nodded numbly at her slightly nervous delivery. She didn't have much more faith in Anya than I did.

"I feel like such a cross-dresser. Thanks Buff. That's thoughtful." I blinked. <Did I just say thoughtful?> I cleared my throat to forestall any further nervous babble from her. "Its like Christmas or something!" I bounced onto the bed and started digging through the box. A bunch of fairly new-looking clothes filled it. I smiled a little more. Buffy went through clothes as fast as she could buy them.

"So was Spike really obnoxious last night? I could stake him if he teases you too much." Buffy offered as she held a few shirts up to me to see how they looked. I frowned.

"No. Actually he was being pretty decent for a soulless beast." I answered. I didn't want to go into detail about my bout of sobbing in his lap. Gotta distract her! "Hey, no undies?" I asked with a leer. She swatted me (ow) and threw a green button-up blouse at me.

"Ew no, you have to buy that for yourself, you perv. Put this shirt on and we'll go shopping and get lunch. I don't have any classes for the rest of the day and I wanna shop!" I groaned at the same time as Riley.

"Sorry, Buff, but I don't really have any cash to spare right now. Rent and all that." I said, hoping she wouldn't ask about that too much either. "I'm so poor that Spike had to pay for dinner last night." I said, pulling off the Hawaiian shirt and buttoning the blouse over the tank top. <That'll distract her.>

"What?" Riley asked, shocked. Buffy's mouth flopped open and flapped like a fish.

"SPIKE paid for something? For someone else?" She gasped. "Did he poison it? Are you feeling okay?" She clutched my arms a little too tightly (also ow) and studied me for evidence of illness.

"No, I'm fine, he just got me a pizza. Probably to thank me for providing such mockable material. I'm never going to live down being a girl." I squirmed until she released me and got up.

"Or maybe he thinks you're cute." Riley suggested with a teasing grin. I razzed him and Buffy laughed.

"I am a hottie, aren't I?" I patted my ass. We both laughed and allowed Buffy to drag us outside.

"Well lets get lunch at least then go see if Giles and Willow need us to get anything for the Anya spell." Buffy insisted. I sighed. I HATE mooching off my friends.

We ended up at Panda Hut for lunch and Riley picked up the tab, teasing that he was being a proper gentleman. I glowered at him until Buffy dragged us to Victoria's Secret next door. Then I was busy trying to escape Buffy's iron grip as she dragged me through the displays.

"This is soooo not fair using super-strength to make me shop!" I insisted. "I can't afford this stuff! At these prices I think it's unreasonable for women to wear underwear! I think they should all go on strike and wear no bras for a year." Riley agreed vehemently to that statement but Buffy just dragged me into a dressing room stall and started stripping me.

"Hold still, Xander!" She held up the frilly lace bra she intended to put on me and I darted for the door, regardless of my state of shirtlessness.

"Help me, Riley! It has LACE!" I pled. He just cackled from outside, making Buffy and I blink at each other. "Did Commander in Chief of the Sweet Innocent Brigade just cackle?" I asked her. She nodded eyes wide. "Maybe he's possessed?" I wondered. Buffy merely shrugged and put the bra on me, which was a strange experience to say the least. I had visions of lesbians in my mind, but for some reason I didn't feel turned on like I usually did. Just very uncomfortable when the lace prison of the bra closed around me.

"How's that fit?" She asked. I squirmed a little. Looking in the mirror I registered the fact that I was indeed pretty, but I wasn't turned on at all. I shook off that thought.

"The lace is itchy." I whined. She nodded and looked thoughtful. Her eyes held a shrewd glimmer that reminded me of the look she got when slaying. Apparently shopping was a very serious thing to Buffy.

"How does it feel otherwise?" She asked and I thought about it. Sighing I resigned myself to going along with her. Her Slayer powers were far stronger than my Whining like a little kid powers.

"Its okay, I guess." I answered with a shrug. She nodded and had me try on a few more. I obeyed her and when we finally left that hellhole she'd gotten three satin bras in crème, black, and white, and six pairs of matching panties on her Victoria's card, telling me that I could just pay her back when I had the cash. I went along with it because I had no choice. I felt a little better about it all when I saw the look of extreme boredom on her boyfriend's face.Riley looked about brain-dead from the mindlessness of shopping.

We walked to Giles' from there, me wearing my new white bra under the blouse instead of the tank top which now resided in the pink and white striped bag. I felt bound up and uncomfortable, but I was getting used to the constant brushing of people against me and the squash of tight clothing.

I was now worried about how to hide the damned bag from Giles and Wills when we got to the apartment. I finally handed the bag to Buffy with a pleading look. "I don't think my masculinity can handle being seen with that quite yet." I told her. She nodded and carried it without another word, much to my relief.

After we hit Giles' place and got instructions to get some ingredients for the spell from the magic shop, we headed out again and Riley got his car. He drove us to the shop and Buffy's dorm to get my clothes and then we headed back. My new acquisitions stayed in Riley's car for later and the rest of us piled inside the apartment.

I sat nervously on the couch next to Buffy, clutching her hand while Willow and Giles set up the spell. Riley sat, observing it all on the other side of Buffy, a little worried about the fact that we were summoning a demon, ex-girlfriend or not.

When the spell was done and the smoke cleared, all that stood in the circle of candles that they'd carefully set up was a piece of folded notebook paper on which was written in pencil: "You're a woman, deal with it." We all kind of stared at Giles when he read it before falling to cleaning his glasses. Willow collapsed onto me, hugging and apologizing for everything and Buffy joined her while I just kind of stared at my chest.

<Don't break. Don't break. Don't break.> I chanted in my head until I managed to look up with a forced grin and say, "Well then I guess it was a good thing I got all that lingerie." I cracked, getting nervous laughs from all around. Willow was sniffling on me so I gently disengaged her hands and stood up. "Riley, man, could you give me a ride home?" I asked as calmly as possible. He nodded and jumped up.

"I'll be back in a few." He told Buffy and led me outside, pointedly closing the door before any of the others could offer to come along.

"Thanks man." I said, getting in the car. The trip was silent and I noticed Riley casting a few of his patented concerned big brother looks at me, but he stayed quiet until he pulled into my driveway.

"Hey, Xander, if you need to talk, or do manly things like get drunk or watch contact sports, I'm here." He offered quietly. I nodded and gathered my box and Victoria's bag and slid out of the car.

I walked around back to my door and unlocked it, pushing it open. I shut it behind me and leaned against it for a minute, letting my eyes adjust to the dark basement. Spike hadn't bothered turning on a light when the sun went down, being the vamp that he is. Soon I was able to make out his figure sprawled on my bed, holding a book, but looking up at me expectantly. I took a deep breath, then threw the box and bag as hard as I could at the washing machine to my right. The box bounced off spilling the hand-me-downs across the rug I'd decorated the cement with. The bag tore, spilling the under-things as well. I stood shaking for a minute then smiled my secret-non-goofy-about-to-go -over-the-edge smile at him. He actually shivered. I guess that smile is a little creepy.

"I need alcohol." I informed him. "Lots of alcohol." He blinked at me. "Therefore, I need your money." He stared at me for a moment, then was on his feet, grabbing his duster and pulling it on.

"Right then, lets go." He said and followed me out into the night. Spike kind of led me to the bar we ended up in. By then I was on autopilot, but he got us a table in the back of Willy's and saw that I had alcohol. Lots of alcohol.


"It's only a matter of time before you realize I'm the only one here for you, pet. You got no one else!"-Spike

I've never seen a mortal as scary as Xander when he smiled. The expression was something I'd seen on Drusilla or Angelus. It gave me the willies. He looked like he was waiting to snap. That's why I didn't hesitate to grant his wish.

I took him to Willy's, knowing that any drunken babble from this boy would be too strange for normal bars. I saw that his hand was never without a drink and that none of the bars other patron's approached him. The last thing he needed right now was a leech demon hitting on him. I drank light, mostly sipping at a glass of O-neg. while I watched him. I'd expected him to talk, to rant and weep and curse the world or at least the demon bint that changed him, but he was silent. He drank until he was drunk, then passed out, then I picked him up and carried him back to his basement without a word between us.

When I had him stretched out on his bed I removed his shoes and jeans and tucked him like I used to do for Dru. It was strange how protective I felt for him. He hadn't been rude to me at all since I'd tried to reassure him before. Maybe the silly git grew a clue? I shrugged off my duster and hung it lovingly over the clothesline that ran over the laundry area. I considered picking up the clothes that were strewn across the floor but one whiff of them told me that they had been the Slayers and that reminded me that I was supposed to hate them all. I settled myself in the chair that I swear is more evil than the Master with a cup of blood and considered my future.

When would we get kicked out? Would the poncey ex-watcher make me move back there? Where would the whelp go? I had enough dosh put away to get myself a nice place wherever I wanted to go. Maybe It would be a better idea for me to stay with the Scooby brats. The Initiative bastards were still out there, including the Slayer's boy toy. I couldn't defend myself from humans like the soldiers, but I was sure that the Slayerettes would protect me on principle, bleedin' morons that they are. If I moved out, Captain Cardboard would find out where from Slutty and his buddies would be on me in seconds.

I started to formulate a plan while the boy slept and even made a few calls to some old buddies of mine. When I was done planning the whelp was still sleeping and the sun was rising outside. Satisfied with my actions, I sprawled out in the Master's Evil Chair of Pain and went to sleep.


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