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Another Author's Note!

I wish I had a blueberry muffin right now…one of those big one you buy in bulk at Costco...with melted butter and the crumbs and *droooooool* Read this NOW! *cough* I mean, hey! There's that silly plot! (meaning: "I had too many painkillers and I can't be held accountable for my actions.")Oh! and loook! A kitty…






Chapter Thirteen: I wanna muffin, dammit!




*Xandra D*

"I'm helping, I'm reading, I'm quiet."-Xander

"Xander?" A hand nudged my shoulder, jerking me back to wakefulness. Pushing my hair back and discreetly checking for drool, I turned to face she who interferes with sleep.

A sweet looking blond girl smiled shyly at me and blushed, looking at the floor. <Uncomfortable girl! Must help!> My brain jabbered at me. So I gave her a goofy grin of the generic Xander type and made a big show of stretching. "Did you need the Mighty Xan-Man to help drool the fierce books into submission?" I asked her cheerfully. A part of my fuzzy mind pouted because my crack sounded wrong in a female voice.

She smiled a little and twisted the bottom of her shirt. "N-no, Willow told me t-to bring you to the f-front." She told me. At Willow's name it clicked in my mind that I recognized the girl.

"You're Tara, right? Willow's witchy friend?" Willow had introduced me to her after the incident with the Gentlemen and she'd been seen around a few times since. She nodded, still blushing. I walked around the table and walked with her to the front desk where Wills was listening intently to an elderly woman go on about how lightning spells were hazardous to cats. Willow was smiling and nodding reassuringly, but she gave me a look that was a plea for help over the woman's shoulder. I grinned at Tara. <Xan-Man to the rescue.>

"Excuse me, ma'am, I could help but overhear you speaking to Willow. Are there any spells to keep a cat's dish full while you're stuck helping save the world? Y'see, I keep wanting to get a cat but some nights I just can't get home, what with the getting thrown around by big scary demon guys..." The woman turned to me, her wrinkled eyes lighting up.

"Why yes, young lady, I believe there are several spells that could help you with that, would you like me to make you a list of references?" She asked kindly and little excitedly. I smiled sweetly.

"If you could, that would be wonderful!" She trundled off to a table to write down what I asked for. "Shall I bring it to you when I'm done?" She asked me, distractedly. I grinned a little evilly and winked at Wills and Tara.

"Oh, I'll probably be running around, why don't you give it to my boyfriend. He'll be hanging around. He's hard to miss. Vampire, black leather and bleached hair." She nodded and went back to her oh-so exciting work. I turned back to Wills and Tara.

"Xander, I swear Spike is having a horrible influence on you!" Willow scolded. I grinned at her and winked at Tara again. She was cute when she was flustered. "Is he really your boyfriend? Should I start with the threats of bodily harm? Is he behaving?" Wills asked excitedly. I grinned at her.

"Willow Rosenberg, you know I don't kiss and tell!" I said, mock-serious. She gasped and covered her mouth, hopping up and down, squealing. It used to be that I could watch the Hyper-Girly-Squeal-Out and laugh. Now I had no choice but to join in with the hopping and the squealing. It was a strange, happy disease that I'd lost my immunity for when I became a girl. So we hopped and we squealed and we giggled, then we made Tara join us for more hopping, giggling and squealing. It was an exhausting process, but I'd learned that it was necessary to the female when faced with exciting boy-related news.

After we'd calmed a bit I turned to Wills again. We were all flushed and grinning like maniacs, but there was still a crisis going on. With our experience with impending death, we Scoobies had all learned that one must continue the living process even when shadowed by fear or the whole point to saving the world was lost. We had also learned that there was a time for girly giggles and a time for action and the action part was now. "What d'you need me for, Wills?" She cleared her throat and smoothed her skirt and picked a CD up off the desk.

"I've compiled all of the spells that Giles, Wes, and I agreed would work best onto this disk." She told me, her sweet voice going boss-like. "I need you to go print up about thirty copies and distribute them to all our witchy people. I'm going to have to run in a sec. Giles wants to go over some spells with me in a couple minutes." I snapped to attention and saluted her.

"You can count on me, General Rosenberg, sir!" I said crisply and took the disk. I gave her a big grin as I turned on my heel and marched from the room. It was just past dawn as I crossed the campus to carry out my mission and the sun had a strange orange tint to it. I whistled as I walked. I may not have any special powers or anything, but damn was I good at coping with ominous signs and ticking clocks. No one can ignore certain death on the horizon like Xander Harris!


*Dr. Spiketapus*

"Whoa! I- I think I'm having a thought. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a thought. Now I'm having a plan. Now I'm having a wiggins."-Xander

I ended up leaving my little pet at the library on campus just before dawn and retreated to the classroom that had become the War Room to meet with the other fools in charge of all this insanity. I was in a pretty mellow mood as I sat in the windowless room with Angel, Wesley, Giles, Gunn, Cordelia, and Buffy. Unfortunately my Xander-induced calm left the instant Angel demanded to be told why I was being involved in the battle and Buffy, Giles, and even Cordelia jumped to my defense. I felt like some sort of demented mascot for the Slayer.

I was so tempted to abandoned the pillocks then and there, but I kept up the mantra, <Be good for Xander.> in my head and forced myself to stay and listening to their scheming.

Overall their plan wasn't complete rot. There would be plenty of help on the magical end of things seeing as Rupert had found himself an army of folks who dallied in the dark arts. What surprised me was the other watcher, Wesley. Bloke had a real talent for strategy. The others just kind of followed his lead as he suggested the angles to attack from and who should be doing the attacking.

I just sat back in my chair, half pondering the prospect of massive violence to come, and half remembering just how my boy had tasted and how soft and warm he was. I was barely paying attention until the subject of who was going to be in charge of each portion of the demonic/human army we were raising. "This would be easier if we had anyone with military experience in our ranks but the government has drafted anyone younger that eighty with experience." Wesley lamented, taking a sip of the noxious brew that Cordelia had created and dubbed "coffee". The man seemed to have built up an immunity to the sludge after working in her office so long.

"What units still need commanders?" Buffy asked, in problem-solving mode. Cordelia started flipping through the notes she'd been taking through the meeting.

"Well, we've got Giles and Willow in charge of our magic unit. Buffy, you've got the ambush unit. Angel's leading our demons for the frontal. Gunn, you've got the second human contingent. Wes and me will be coordinating everyone. We just need someone in charge of our snipers and someone to help coordinate the medical personnel." Cordelia smoothed down the pages of her notebook and turned her attention to the others, poised to write what they decided.

"When we led the attack on the Mayor, it was Xander who gave a lot of the orders. Perhaps he would be a good choice to command the snipers." Giles suggested. I sat forward in my seat, not liking where this was going.

"Giles is right, Xander did do a pretty good job at Graduation." Angel agreed quietly. I growled softly, wondering just what happened at the whelp's high school graduation. That was a story I hadn't heard. I also had to wonder where the hell they were getting their artillery. Did the Watcher keep sniper rifles with the Slayer's crossbows and stakes? Also, what was going to happen if we won this battle? There were still the ships and the other armies in other parts of the world. And how the hell am I going to be protecting my boy if he was right in the middle of the fighting?

While I was thinking, my poor Xan-pet had been assigned his own force of four men and six women to command. This was not going very well. I decided it was high time for me to open my mouth. So I did. And that was how I found myself in the hallway outside the room tied to a bench. <Bunch of soddin' bullies they are.>

I tried to get free, but the Watcher and the Slayer were far too adept at restraining me these days. I gave up and pouted. Hopefully Xan would show up and untie me and then give them hell. And maybe while he was yelling, he would get all flushed and his eyes would sparkle in that pretty way and his chest would heave to catch his breath after yelling and I would-

"Hello there! I'm Mrs. Goital, but you can call me Erma. Your pretty little girlfriend told me that she was interested in these spells so that she could get a cat." A cheerful little old woman sat next to me on the bench, oblivious to the ropes and chains. "I really think you should get her a kitten, she seems like she needs something small to cuddle with after dealing with so many dangerous demons..."

<Bloody Hell.>



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