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Chapter Ten: Flawed Cleavage


Buffy: "Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic."

Xander: "Mine is much more advanced."

I woke up slowly, convinced that I had to get going or I'd be late for work. Sleep induced amnesia is a wonderful thing. I managed to get all the way in the hot steamy shower before the soggy bandage on my chest and the dirt blackening the bottom of the stall brought me back to the present and unfortunately, a waking state. I washed my hair and body absently as my mind replayed the past twenty-four hours.

Needless to say, those thoughts depressed me. When I left the shower, I dressed quickly in some blue jeans and a white button up blouse that I left undone. I needed to tend my wound before I could worry about decency. Grabbing the first aid kit, I went out into the main room. I didn't see Spike until I went to sit on the couch. He was lying facedown on the black leather still in the clothes and dust that he'd been wearing in the RV. Looking up at the TV I saw new footage of the alien menace.

I watched the lists of cities worldwide that had fell victim to L.A.'s destroyers. After I'd seen enough to know that there was a really scary invasion going on, I called up Giles. "What's up G?" I greeted him as if it were just another day on the Hellmouth.

"Xander, Buffy says you were injured, how are you feeling?" I sighed. Why was everyone so preoccupied with the hole in MY chest? I mean, sure I have a nice rack, but seriously...

"I'm fine, Giles. What's the plan, what do we know, how're we going to eject our unwanted visitors? Give them a gift basket full of fruit cake leftover from Christmas?" I could practically hear his frown.

"I do not believe that would be as effective as we all would think. Apparently there is a large ground force moving south from Sacramento. They are killing all who resist them and taking all who submit as prisoners. We should have a couple days before they reach us but I'd like to come up with an effective attack that will stop further destruction before then." I glanced at the TV noticing the anchorwoman, normally quite beautiful, without make-up and her hair everywhere. She made quite the hag. Ahhhh the joys of public emergencies. The last time I'd seen that sort of thing was when I was in junior high and a late night earthquake had everyone watching unprepared news crews.

"Xander?" I blinked. Oh yeah, I'm talking to Giles! Its not that I wasn't listening. I was just, um, not. I got the general gist of it all.


"We're going to hold a meeting at six o'clock in the science building at the college. In the lecture hall where we discussed the Gentlemen." I snickered at his choice of words. There'd certainly been a lot of discussing going on then! "Please bring Spike with you and anyone else that you think might have met at that dreadful shop you work in. I'd like to involve as many of the more friendly demons as possible. They just might be our edge against these attackers." I nodded, then, feeling stupid, decided to vocalize my response because that's what works best when conversing via telephone.

"Right, Xan-man'll get right on it. Seeya at six, and Giles?"

"Yes, Xander?"

"May the Force be with you." I deadpanned and cut off his pained groan by hanging up. I stopped myself from feeling guilty at the horrid crack. I had a hole in my chest, I was entitled to all the sci-fi jokes I could come up with. Snickering to myself I turned back to the TV, putting off checking just how nasty my wound really was.

Apparently the press had war correspondents in the fray despite the fact that they were dropping like flies. I stared at the screen as I saw my first extraterrestrial lifeforms. The evil bastards looked like the little gray aliens from X-files but pumped up on steroids. They wore what looked like shining blue bubbles around themselves. My science fiction trained mind identified them as energy shields of a sort. Nothing got through those shields. I watched human soldier shooting at the advancing alien army through the rubble of a building. In the background a voice droned on about how we were all going to die. I just stared.

Soldier after soldier was snuffed out using weapons that shot energy of the same shining blue as their shields. The camera jerked around then before falling sideways and one could hear the sounds of a man dying off-screen. There was silence for a moment before the shooting took up again. From where the camera dropped I could make out the sound of someone yelling in Latin? A prayer? The news channel switched to another handheld camera from much farther away.

I blinked. Not a prayer, a spell! One of the few remaining soldiers, now obviously a warlock, had dropped his weapon and had his hands thrown toward the attackers, palm out. I could only see him from the rear and to the right, but I saw enough to know he was casting a spell. It was kind of obvious when a huge wind whipped up from his feet and slammed into the aliens, throwing them back into their ranks. I smacked at Spike's leg to wake him up.

"Wha?" He asked rolling to look at me; I pointed at the TV without looking at him. The Warlock Commando was now directing lightning from his hands into the alien's shields. Said shields brightened to a blinding white then shorted out leaving them open to attack. That was when the warlock ran out of energy and collapsed to the ground. His confounded companions snapped out of their shock then, pouring hot lead into the exposed enemy. It only took out about five of the hundreds of invaders before the soldiers were killed. However, now those who knew what they were seeing had the info that they needed. Namely us.

Spike blinked at the TV for a while, shrugged and pulled himself into a sitting position. I looked at him and grinned. He must've been sleeping on his hand or something because now there was handprint in the dust on his cheek. He was adorable. I growled when I felt that Accursed Feeling again.

"Stop it!" I demanded. He blinked at me, giving me his half-asleep confused expression. "Stop it right now! It's not fair!" I glowered at him. He blinked some more.

"Stop what?" He asked. He wrinkled his face into an adorable pout. I whined. "Tell me what I'm doing so I can be sure to do it frequently. It must be good to get your knickers in such a twist." He grinned mischievously. I buried my face in my hands.

"Pleeeaaaase just stop looking at me!" I pleaded from the safety of my fingers. He snickered.

"Kinda hard for me to do with your top hanging open and your soft parts showing so temptingly." I groaned refusing to relinquish my hands as face guards long enough to cover myself. <Why must I be tortured so? Wait. Why am I torturing myself? Spike likes me! Obviously I like him! We should be getting it on!> I snorted. <Sure, cause its perfectly acceptable to shag soulless demons. Just as long as you're in chick form.> I clutched at my self-righteousness and used it to regain my sanity.

"Must you ogle me? I'm not a piece of meat." I demanded, falling back on the words of women everywhere as I looked up finally. He grinned at me so sweetly. My face flamed and I lost grip on my self-righteous shielding. "Foul beast! Why must you torture me so?" I whined. He grabbed me by the arms and pulled my unresisting body into his lap.

"Torture's fun. You should try it." He murmured as he peeled back the wet bandage on my chest. Not wanting to see the wound, I leaned my head back on his shoulder and sighed because, as luck would have it, the damned mural filled my vision.

I glowered at his painted face while his soft gentle fingers prodded my flesh. It hurt quite a bit and I think I even whimpered once, but I'm not sure because all true memory was wiped away when he ran his fingers in a comforting caress from my collarbone to my waist. I shivered and clamped my eyes shut. <Not happening!> I reassured myself. Unfortunately my self knew better and it made my heart race.

Instead of going any further, as I expected the demon to, he simply used the first aid kit on the table to rebandage my wound. When he was done he turned me in his lap to face him and slowly buttoned my blouse from bottom to top. I watched him, wishing that the fingers were moving in reverse while trying to figure out what he was doing. Maybe he didn't want me? I mean I WAS a guy and he knew it. I frowned and he misunderstood the cause.

"Don't worry luv, the scar won't be too bad." He reassured me. I suddenly realized that my new perfect female body was ruined! I broke it and now I'd have a horrible scar right in my CLEAVAGE! It just wasn't right! I guess he saw my added distress, what with my freaking out. "Think of it like a man would, love. You'll have this amazing battle scar to show your grandkids someday." I sniffled.

"I AM thinking like a man! There won't BE grandkids because I have flawed cleavage!" I burst into tears. I think there was a little more to my very manly tears than just the scar. I think it had something to do with the thing where the Earth was being invaded and people all over the world were dying horrible deaths and "We're all going to diiiiiiiie!" I wailed and Spike pulled me into a tight hug and I sobbed into his neck, getting dust all over me, I'm sure.

"Shhhh. S'okay, ducks, we won't die. I already did that and I don't think it'd suit you so I won't let it happen." Spike whispered comfortingly as he rubbed my back. "Why do you think I got impaled, luv. I'm not bloody well going to go through that and then let some stupid alien kill you." He was so nice and comforting and his neck was nice and cool against my hot tears and it made me SO frustrated. I didn't get him at all anymore and that was really annoying when you lived in a world where nothing else made sense.

"Spike?" I pushed back so I could look him in the eyes. <der-her purty bluuuuuue.> I mentally slapped myself. "Stop!" He blinked at me confused. "Stop being so nice! I don't get it! Be evil! I don't want to like you so be evil dammit!" I demanded. His mouth straightened into a grim line and his eyes hardened. Good! Mad Spike is scary and not sexy! <Oh sure...tell me another.>


"What?" Can he do that? Can he refuse to be evil? That's like against the rules for vampires, right? He shook his head once.

"Don't want to." I stared at him, not understanding. <Spike is refusing to be evil.> The phrase was in my brain but it just wasn't processing. I really need to get this crappy brain looked at. The processor is obvious shot.

"Well why not?!" I would have stomped my foot girlishly if I weren't snuggled in his lap. I settled for pouting.

"Because I don't bloody well feel like it." He growled, getting annoyed. I grinned brightly. Mad Spike! Spike of anger! I GET mad Spikey! He made an exasperated noise at my smile and kissed me.

It was very startling and I wasn't even aware what he was intending by coming so close until I had lips of Spike latched onto me. Unfortunately for my delicate sensibilities, I reacted like any teenage boy would when kissed by an excessively yummy man. Er, any gay teenage boy. I kissed him back. Enthusiastically!

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pulled him closer and let my mouth fall open in invitation. He accepted and I had his tongue in my mouth tasting every surface of my mouth, running over my teeth and sliding against my tongue. Nothing about it was timid. He pushed in and claimed the space leaving me to wonder if I ever kissed a girl like that or if it was just a Spike/Vamp thing. His hands were just as bad, running down my back to my rear end, which he squeezed and used to pull me tight against him. It was strange and possessive, but not 'Obey me now, sex toy' possessive that Anya and Cordelia always were. This was different, like he was just letting me know that I was wanted and taken, all at once. Whatever it was, it made me feel a different and far better sensation than the Accursed Feeling. This one was like electricity leaping from deep in my middle to connect with my nipples and the general area below my waist.

Unaccustomed to this new form of body-wide extreme arousal, I freaked a little. Grabbing his shoulders, I pushed him back and looked at his semi- protesting frown. "What?" He groused. His blue eyes were almost dilated to black with pure lust. I blinked at him, forgetting my reason for stopping for a moment. He reminded me by licking his lips, sending a few more strange sensations through me.

"Wait! No more. Must think!" I managed to say. He scowled.

"Xan-pet, you know how cruel it is for a girl to tease." He said, his voice carrying a warning. That reminded me of some less fun memories of make-out sessions with my ex-girlfriends that left me unsatisfied. That in turn made me aware of just what part of Spike's physiology that I was straddling. I gulped. <Can I just add EEP!> I jumped off his lap and backed toward the kitchen.

"Sorry, Spike, I just need to, uh, eat." I hid my face in the fridge. Trying not to completely panic, I picked through the sparse contents of the fridge. <Hmmm. Blood, blood, blood, or Ooo! Blood.> I closed the fridge and looked in the pantry. <OoooooOOOOOooooo! Fruit-by-the-Foot!> I took my prize and retreated to my room, blushing at the low laugh that came from the couch.

<Okay, I need to talk to Wills!> I thought, unwrapping my fruity treat and starting to unroll it into my mouth. <But Wills is probably more concerned about the whole alien thing and she needs to concentrate on the whole not dying thing now.> I sighed. <Alright, no consultation on this one quite yet, Xan-man.> I found my personal phone book in my messy room and started making calls to the group of demons that I'd learned to call friend in my new life as a girl. I needed to let them know about the meeting. I started with Gilly.

I intended to give Gilly the facts and go on with my list, but my Spike- induced insanity won out. When Gilly answered the phone I responded with "He kissed me and I liked it a lot and it was scary."

"Well its about damn time, sweetheart!" Gilly said with a laugh. "By the way, did you notice this whole invasion thing?"

"Yeah yeah, I helped evacuate L.A. and Spike and me got impaled by building materials. Focus Gilly! He KISSED me!" I insisted. The demon chuckled.

"Did you kiss him back?" He asked. "Oh and are your Slayer and you going to be doing anything about this new alien menace?"

"Yeah, I kissed him back and it felt soooooo, um, too good? Like full body electric wake-up call. Oh yeah, there's a meeting of the more militant denizens of SunnyHell at six at the science building at the college, if you wanna come with be here in fifteen and we'll go together, tell your friends." I reported.

"I'll be there. So this kiss, standing, sitting, what?"

"I was in his lap and I felt IT! And I don't quite know how I feel about that but I don't think its negative but I don't know!" Gilly was laughing at me again. "Omigawd! I'm soooo gay! Or straight! I don't know! What am I?!" I wailed. Gilly laughed harder.

"Just say you're bisexual. It works both ways." He advised me. Despite my inner turmoil I burst out laughing.

"Thanks, Gilly, that helps oh so much with my vampire-lovin' issues." I snarked at him.

"Love? Oooooo! You love him! I knew it! I knew it! You're always staring at the mural when I'm over. You love Spike!" I was too busy staring at the freshly showered half-naked vamp in my doorway with a smirk on his adorable lips to do much more than drop the phone. I knew quite well that he could hear Gilly's babbling. I waited silently for the aliens to hurry up and blow me to smithereens.


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