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Chapter Six: The Poncey Side of Spike



"Arr, and help ye shall have, arr!"-Xander

<Oh shit.> I stared at Spike's profile. He was pissed. I could see his jaw twitching and his muscles were even jerking as he clutched the steering wheel. When I spoke I had assumed that Spike was already aware of the unfairness of our relationship. Apparently not. Now I'm going to die. Horribly. He was fuming and even flickered to game face and back before we slammed to a halt in a parking space in the underground garage of the building I assumed Angel's offices were in.

Spike got out of the car and slammed the door shut so hard that the car shook. I scrambled out of the car and followed him timidly, wondering what was going to happen. It took me a minute to realize that Buffy was next to me and that she was speaking. I jerked my attention away from Spike and looked at her, irritated. All was not quiet on this front and it was her fault. "What do you want to screw up now, Buffy?" I snapped at her. She grabbed my shoulders and yanked me around to face her.

"I said I'm sorry, Xander." She said, sounding pissed, herself. "I'm sorry that we weren't there for you as much as we should have. I thought everything was okay when this whole time you've had to go to Spike-" There were tears in her eyes. I sighed. This was all going soooooo wrong. I wish this were a video game. Then I could just hit reset and start over from my last save point.

"Listen Buffy, its okay now, really!" I pulled her into a hug. "I'm dealing, things are actually going pretty good. I'm not sorry that I had Spike to help me. I'm actually kind of glad that it was. He can identify with having his entire life stolen from him." I rubbed her back comfortingly. "He's my friend now, or he was until a minute ago."

"B-but he's a demon!" She insisted. I nodded and sighed, pushing her back so I could look her in the eye.

"That may be, but he's also a person. There's more to him then just killing, shagging, and being annoyingly British." I suddenly snorted. "Wow, how corny does that sound? Demons are people too, Buffy." I snickered and she gave me a watery smile. "He's not going to be very person-like now though since I just pointed out how wonderful he's been. He'll probably hire someone to torture me until I tell him what a terrifying bad ass he is." Buffy wiped her tears away and grabbed my hand.

"I'll protect you from the Big Bad Puppy." She said with a smirk and we turned to the garage exit again. I groaned and hid my face in her shoulder when I saw Spike standing not ten feet away leaning against a wall smoking. He's obviously heard what I'd said and he didn't seem to know what to make of it, going by the slightly confused expression he wore.

"Right then, done sobbing on each other like the soggy bints you are?" He said, harshly. I looked at him, hurt when he referred to me as a "bint". His expression had turned stone cold and revealed nothing. I guess I'd crossed too many lines earlier. I sighed and brushed past him to the sidewalk, holding Buffy's hand tight.

The inside of Angel Investigations was pure chaos. A rainbow of demons and humans ran around like headless chicken's shouting orders and information at each other. When we stepped inside the demons in the place all seemed to stop and turn toward the door. They all looked straight at Buffy with fear and near panic on their faces. <Uh oh.>

"She's here to help." I told the general mass loudly then suddenly they all seemed to relax and return to their previous insanity. I turned to Buffy and grinned. "Looks like you've got quite the rep, Buffster." I smirked and then caught Cordelia out of the corner of my eye. My beautiful, sophisticated ex-girlfriend was on the phone and writing something down while bouncing a baby of the red and scaly variety on her knee. She looked completely ruffled, her hair mussed and her make-up smudged, but somehow she radiated authority. I pulled Buffy over to her desk and waited for her to hang up.

"The Scoobies have arrived, where do you want us and how?" I announced. She looked up at me and blinked, then turned her attention to Buffy, then Spike. She looked back to Buffy.

"Are you aware that Spike is standing behind you?" She asked as if commenting on her clothing ensemble. Oh how I'd missed my Cordy. "And who's she?" She asked bluntly, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Spike's a Scooby now," Buffy said, smiling when he snarled at her. "And you don't even recognize your ex-boyfriend Cordy?" Cordy frowned and stood up and stared into my eyes.

"Xander?!" She squeaked and suddenly I had my arms fully of squishy Cordy. "I like your new look, very chic!" She grinned, balancing the demon baby thing on her hip. She turned and hugged Buffy enthusiastically. "Thanks for the help, the PTB knows we need it." Then she hugged a very startled Spike. "Thanks for not being here to kill us." She said and was back behind her desk again. Spike was sputtering so I stepped in front of him and leaned on Cordy's desk.

"What's the word on this big impending doom?" Buffy asked her. Cordy shivered and patted the red demon baby.

"I don't know. All I know is that the PTB are worried enough that they're not even bothering with the cryptic anymore. They are just giving instructions." She looked really worried by this. I decided that we'd better get to work then.

"Maybe we should get too it then," I suggested. She nodded and turned toward the next office space behind hers. "Wes, the Sunnydale crew are here!" She called. Wesley Wyndham-Pryce appeared in the doorway looking flustered, yet somehow more confident than I always remembered him, dressed in impeccable Snooty British Style. He looked immensely relieved to see us.

"Excellent. Please come into my office." He said, returning to his desk when we followed. Buffy leaned against the desk, inspecting the map that covered the surface. Spike took the only chair when I went for it and then smiled at me viciously. I growled at the bastard. The world is ending again and all he's doing is trying to prove he's still evil by being petty while helping the good guys. What an idiot. I rolled my eyes. <Evil, petty wittle vampire.> So I sat on him.

I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye and saw his confused look and grinned my own evil grin. Then I was distracted when Wes dove right into a complicated evacuation plan that Angel and he had figured out and what Angel was doing at the moment and blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah. I wasn't real good at the strategy thing, but Buffy seemed to get it all, she even asked a few questions, as did Spike.

Finally I cut in. "So, dumb it down for me of the lesser brain." I requested pitifully. "Where do you want us to be, when, and what do we do?" Wesley blinked at me owlishly for a moment then pointed at the map. "First off, all our people are moving in pairs as it is far too good of a time for an attack. Spike and Xander, you will be taking a few of the more humanized demons to this RV dealership here," He tapped out the spot on the map and Spike leaned forward in the chair to look, snaking his arm around my waist so I wouldn't fall off his lap. "After you have acquired as many of the vehicles as can be driven, you will meet up with Angel here. He will give you locations for where you can pick up passengers for the evacuation."

Spike nodded and I relaxed a bit, knowing he was good at remembering plans and things like that. His problem had always been with patience. As long as we got to the action right away, he'd be okay. He sat back in the seat again, pulling me with him, when Wes turned to Buffy. "We'll have a chance to chat then, won't we, pet?" He rumbled in my ear. I shivered. I soooo wanted to sit the coming conversation out. Maybe Cordy wanted to trade jobs?

"Buffy, you will be teamed with the Host for your part." Wesley said after a moments thought. "I was going to send him out alone but I think this will be much safer for him." Wes went to the doorway and bellowed for "Lorne" to come to his office.

He returned to his desk and a moment later a green, scaly demon with red eyes, yellow horns and wiry yellowish hair joined us. He was smiling pleasantly. Buffy was instantly on guard with his arrival but he smiled charmingly at her and she seemed to relax. This guy radiated the opposite of scary demon violence vibes. He seemed to have a relaxing effect on all of us, including Spike, who loosened his grip on me a little and relaxed back into the chair.

"Lorne, this is Buffy Summers, the Slayer and her companions," Spike snorted, "From Sunnydale." Wes introduced Buffy. I smiled at him and waved with my fingers.

"I'm Xander, and my chair is named Spike." I said cheerfully. Spike pinched my side but Lorne smiled at me cheerily enough.

"I'm Lorne, the Host of Caritas, at your service, sweets," He said with a bow. I liked him instantly. He may look completely demon, but he reminded me of Gilly so much that I overlooked his greenness like I overlooked Gilly's horns and wings and stuff. "So am I set to go, Wes?" He asked our new commander in chief. Wes nodded.

"Yes, you will be taking Miss Summers with you for protection on your mission." Wes informed him. Lorne smiled again at Buffy. "Try to contact everyone on your list, Lorne, we must get everyone to safety as soon as possible." Wes nodded grimly to us all. I shared a look with Buffy, both of us wondering what happened to sniveling, useless, pansy Wesley.

"Right then, lets get on with it all, shall we?" Spike finally said, getting up and setting me on my feet. "Hair boy is waiting and we can't have that now can we?"


"Whenever Giles sends me on a mission, he always says 'please'. And afterwards I get a cookie." -Buffy

Right then, about five minutes of Xan's perfect round little ass in my lap and I forgot that I was mad. Angelus once accused me of have the attention span of a small confused puppy. I disagree. I have the attention span of a horny vampire. I remembered my anger though when the poncey Watcher-type finished with my part of the plan. I got a kick out of Xander's obvious worry when I warned him of our upcoming confrontation.

Now I need to worry about it, because to tell the honest to bleedin' truth, I was still confused. Between what Xan-pet said in the car and in the garage, I had no clue what I was mad about anymore. <He's got you actin' like a Good lil soldier for humanity!> My demon-ruled portion of my mind reminded me. I shrugged that off for the moment. <He's using me like a bloody serving boy!> I fumed. <He doesn't give a shit about you except for how useful you are! Ungrateful git!>

I drove a van full of demons through the streets, headed for the RV dealership where I was going to get to do fun illegal things and I wasn't even happy about it, no thanks to the pert little brunette sitting on the bench seat beside me. Xan was fidgeting nervously, obviously waiting for me to break the silence between us. I remembered suddenly what he'd told Buffy when he'd thought they were alone. He was right that I understand the whelp. He should be much more appreciative! <He called you his friend.> The wuss part of me mentioned. That was the same part of me that held the boy when he cried and brushed his hair. The Poncey side of Spike. I snorted. It sounded like a commercial. My twat of a roommate would get a kick out of it. "Come see the Poncey side of Spike." Good thing I wouldn't say anything because I was mad. See? "Grrrrr."


"Darn your sinister attraction."-Buffybot

Uh oh. He's glowering at me in game face and growling. Or kind of growling. It sounds like he's just saying 'Grrrrr'. Maybe his demon side just isn't in it. I resisted the urge to laugh to myself. <Okay, Xan-man, time to defuse this bomb that is fizzing in here courtesy of Miss Tactful Summers. Think, man, think!>

"Um, Spike, you really are evil and scary and even though you're really sweet and helpful and stuff, I'm still very scared of you." And the U.S.S. Xander's Brain has crashed into the Sandbar of Stupid Wording. Luckily, Spike didn't push me out the window. <Did I just call him sweet?>

A minute of waiting stoically for my demise went by before I chanced a look at him. His gameface was absent, leaving his handsome smooth human face. As I watched he was trying hard not to smile. I felt a little bit of hope. He glanced away from the road long enough to make eye contact and the smile won the struggle of Spike's pouty lips. He grinned at me and I slumped in relief. It wasn't an evil smile, or even a "I'm gonna kill you in two minutes" smile. It was a happy, "I'm laughing at you because you're a dork and that's okay with me" smile.

"So you're just using me? Pretty evil of you, luv." He said after a moment. I blinked at him. He seemed almost hurt. Weird.

"Well its not like you're getting anything out of our um...thing." I pointed out. What did we have anyway? I was tempted to call it a relationship but that was just waaay too girly. He started to fidget uncomfortably at that. I watched him curiously.

"How about you trust me that I'm getting something out of it and leave me be...and I won't pawn your Babylon 5 collector's plates?" He said suddenly, adding the threat on as if it were an afterthought. He smirked at me and I sighed. Farewell, Serious Conversation! Hope you had a nice stay! Please visit again soon? Please?

"I'm bugging you about this after this apocalypse is over." I said snappishly, my arms crossed over my chest. He sighed.

"Yes dear." He quipped as he calmly drove the van through the parking lot of the dealership and proceeded to drive through the glass window into the building itself. Wes had claimed that the police were too busy to respond to calls of theft and vandalism but I was still nervous. Spike led the nine other drivers and me into the back office to a safe. With the assistance of a yellow fuzzyish guy, he pulled the door of the safe and sorted through the conveniently labeled keys.

After we'd selected eleven keys and distributed them he grinned at us. "Run along and play now children." He said and as I walked past him to go find my happy new rig, he swatted me on the ass. Outraged, I whirled on him.

"Spike!" I growled angrily. He waited before all the others were out of the room before pulling me close. It was a strange yet not entirely oogy experience being pressed into his chest as he whispered in my ear.

"Keep an eye on the Glifter, he fancies you a little too much." Spike warned me. I raised an eyebrow. He's smacked my ass so that I'd get pissed and stay behind? Manipulative Bastard thy name is Spike.

"Um, which one's the Glifter? The demon or the other demon?" I asked him, grinning. I loved it when he was all protective and licky. I'd seen that side of him plenty on patrols. He was always worried that some other demon would snatch me and he was just cute when he was being "all splotchy and possessive" as he'd once called me so long ago when I was with Anya. Kinda. I froze. Spike was acting like an overprotective boyfriend. <Processing.>

"The red furry one. I can smell his pheromones stinking the bloody place up whenever he looks at you. 's damn annoying, it is." He answered me, despite my frozen brain state. I reset it with a different question.

"You can smell that sort of thing?" I asked. I didn't know vamp noses were that sensitive. Woooo what must b.o. be like to them? He nodded, another Spikey smirk in place.

"Yes, luv. I can smell everything you feel, from arousal to fear. So can most other demons. I think it'd be best if I marked you again just so those stupid gits outside know to keep there hands off while we're at it." I felt his cool breath on my neck before he slowly ran his tongue and blunted teeth over my collarbone. He nibbled his way up my jugular to my ear and that's when I snapped out of my Spike-proximity stupor and shoved myself free of his grip. I was panting a little bit as I whirled toward the door and started out.

"Thanks for um, yeah, maybe you can use that marvelous sense of smell to scent out our new wheels?" He frowned but followed me out into the parking lot. <Wow am I glad I don't have any obnoxious body-parts to "adjust" right about now.> I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck, carefully avoiding the Spiked areas. <Spike likes me. Or at least wants to shag me. But he still refers to me as a he. I wonder if that confuses him?> I guess I was only capable of inane thoughts at the moment.

Hey look! A bigass motorhome/mansion on wheels! I'm gonna drive it and not think about Spike-tainted thoughts for like two whole minutes and it'll be fun!


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