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Chapter Seventeen: Xanmart and Spikeway
"Ooh! Snacks! The secret to any successful migration."-Anya
"It's devastating. He's turned into a sixteen-year-old boy. Of course, you'll have to kill him." -Giles
I saw the realization hit him. His whole body deflated like some kind of soddin' balloon. <That's it. He just realized that he doesn't want or need ol' Spikey anymore.> I told myself. I'd been waiting for the return of the original Harris since I heard his ex-bitch's voice. I knew what would happen. The whelp would return to his original shape and realize that he didn't need me to take care of him anymore. Then it'd be, 'Spike, buddy, it was fun, lets forget that we ever shagged or that you love me!' Well maybe not in those exact words, but I knew that's how he'd feel, if not completely disgusted.
Looking at him sagging in the doorway, I felt like I'd been doused in holy water. He was still beautiful, with the same dark eyes and sweet lips. It didn't help that his shirt and jeans were shredded from his change in size. I took a deep drag at my cigarette, trying to figure out how to get him out of my doorway before I started weeping like the ponce he'd turned me into. After a minute of avoiding those dangerous eyes, I heard the Slayer calling for him. "Xander! Come change your clothes! You look like a less green Incredible Hulk!" She ordered him. He straightened up and turned and left without a word.
I went to lie back to try and sleep, but the bed still smelled of what we'd done there. I jumped to my feet and tried to pace in the limited space. I knew I'd be batty as Dru by the time the sun went down.
"No one is judging you. It's understandable. Spike is strong and mysterious and sort of compact but well-muscled."-Xander
I was seriously going to go batty soon if something didn't distract me. I fidgeted with the radio, trying to find a radio station, but only static filled airwaves. I tried humming depressing country music while I drove, but that wasn't helping either. I wished Buffy would finish feeding the witches and Riley soon. I needed to talk to her badly.
I sped up, heading for the mountains. Some instinct in me screamed for us to get into the hills and out of the open valley. I knew it was a stupid instinct, seeing as the aliens could make smores out of us no matter where we were, but I still needed rock walls and trees around us. I considered cheering when we made it into the foothills, but restrained myself. Then I wanted to cheer because I'd distracted myself from thinking about Spike. Then I wanted to slap myself for ruining a perfectly good distraction by thinking about not thinking about Spike. Sigh.
Buffy finally came forward and settled in beside me. I gave another nice long tortured sigh to make sure she knew I was in turmoil that required her assistance. "The big manly-man is sad. Why for?" She asked, turning to sit sideways in the passenger's seat.
"Before you came into the back room without knocking-" Glare. "-Spike told me that he loved me." I began. I could see her eyebrows shoot sky-high out of the corner of my eye. "But now I'm a guy again and he had the kicked puppy face-well he was trying not to have it, but it was there-and I just wanted to kiss it better but he probably doesn't want me any more and I don't know if I'm still gay, or man-liking, or whatever and I'm scared 'cause I think I love him back!" I panted for breath while she processed my freaked out babbling.
"Wow. So, yeah, lets see if I've caught the gist." She said after a moment. "You love Spike and he loves you, but you don't know if you can be together anymore? Right?" I nodded, wondering at her freakish ability to summarize my pain. "Alright, first thing's first. Do you think I'm sexy?" I blinked. <Wha-?> She explained. "I'm just checking to see where your lustiness lies." <Oooohhhhhh. Duh.> I made sure I wouldn't crash the RV, then looked her up and down. She was beautiful, as always. She even leaned over so I could see some cleavage. I felt the familiar lightning bolt to my dick.
"Yeah, straight Xander is back in order." I told her, staring at the road, trying to calm and control the body that I hadn't had to command in so long. I grinned happily for a moment just because I had my proper equipment again.
"Okay, now think about Spike," She ordered me. I brought a picture of him up in my mind. "Remember what he looked like when you really wanted to jump him." I blushed and glowered at her, but envisioned how he'd sat on the bed, shirtless, his blue eyes looking at me in concern. Okay, big reaction! I shifted uncomfortably when I noticed Buffy eyeing the obvious bulge in my sweatpants. "Okay, so you still want his sexy bod!" She announced triumphantly. "Now you just have to go back there and tell him that you love him and you want to have lotsa gay sex!" I shot her a shocked look. "What?"
"Buffy, you are seriously perverted." I informed her. She grinned proudly. I changed tracts. "Okay, so I still want him. What makes you think he wants me?" I asked her.
"Duh, Xander, vampires'll have sex with anything. Just don't forget that he's a demon, Xan. I know from experience that such things'll bite you in the ass right when you need your ass bitten the least." She patted my arm. "I won't tell you I approve of your choice in man-flesh, but I'm trusting you to remember to ask for help if you ever need it." She stared out the windshield for a second, a distant look in her eyes. "Thats where I always trip up.
She shook herself out of it and got up. "I'm going to go sit with Riley for a while." Her face became a study of worried misery. "Tell me when we get to that Glacier Lodge thing that was on the sign." I nodded, already consumed with Spike related doubts. Hopefully my Vamp-thing would go better than Buff's. I didn't think I could take him out if I ever had to...emotionally...god knows he'd kick my ass if I ever tried.
It was about forty-five minutes later that we reached the Glacier Lodge's main building. As were most cities that were known to be in the path of the now decimated alien army, this small village was completely deserted, its inhabitants evacuated to 'safer' locations. I pulled in to park in the Ski lodge's parking lot and turned off the engine. Buffy and I left Jonathan to watch Riley and the girls while we scouted the lodge itself.
Finding a group of nice cozy rooms all close in to each other, we chose them to house us. The hard part came next. Buffy broke open all the electronically locked doors with a little useful Slayeryness and then we began shifting the contents of our RV to their new resting places.
Buffy was able to handle Riley, who was sleeping, by slinging him over her shoulder, looking so much like an ant carrying a big piece of food that I had to stifle my laugh. Now was not the time. Riley was in pretty bad shape.
I ended up carrying my little Willow inside, cradling her against my larger, manly chest. (Yay!). I settled her in a double suite on one bed and Buffy brought in Tara and put her on the other bed. Reassured that they were still quite unconscious, we went out again and started carrying all the food inside, Jonathan organizing it in the industrial sized kitchen. We needn't have gotten so much food, we realized, the lodge's inhabitants had left a fully stocked supply. We shrugged it off though. Better safe than really hungry.
When I finally went back to fetch my vampire, it hit me that we had no blood for him. Worried, I went to the back of the RV and opened the door. Spike looked up from where he was shredding the pillow into teeny-tiny bits and blinked at me, game-faced and a little glossy-eyed. I gulped. Confinement and Spike are not a combinable thing. Suddenly he was on his feet and in my face, and for once I didn't have to look up at him. He was at a nice eye level, if not a little shorter.
"Come to tell me to sod off, then?" He growled. I had hoped that our little conversation could wait until we were settled in the nice lodge with a vampire slayer next door just in case. Oh well. I pushed back the automatic fear I felt from having a vamp suddenly in my personal space and wrapped my hands around his biceps, pushing him back just a little so I could make eye contact without going cross-eyed.
"I don't want to." I told him softly, looking into disorienting yellow eyes. I tried to make it light, as was my custom. "I hear that vampires'll shag anything." I commented, giving him a teasing grin to hide the way my heart was setting up shop my mouth. He stared at me, calculating, judging with his eerie yellow eyes. I knew he could hear my heart going a zillion beats per second. After an eternity his face melted into his human mask and blue eyes replaced yellow. The look in those blue eyes was far too intense for me too handle so I looked down and tried to think of something to say. "Would you shag a poodle? I don't think you would cause that'd just be ew and the poor poodle would be so traumatized. If you did molest a poodle I think I'd have to have Buffy stake you for the good of poodles every-"
I did the mental snoopy dance as he cut me off with a hard kiss. <Score two for Xander the master of manipulation! Xan-Man the Puppet Master!> He pulled back after a second and rested his forehead against mine. "Now why would I shag a poodle when I've got a git like you following me around like a lovesick pup all the bloody time?" I scowls and poked his firm stomach.
"I am not a pup! I'm a full-grown hot piece of manflesh and I believe YOU are the one that follows ME around." He smirked his wonderful 'not mad at Xander' smirk and I grinned like the goofy idiot I am for a second before going serious. "Just lets not rush anything? I'm sure you've been shagging the menfolk for ages. I'm still a little wiggy on the man on man thing. Rushing would be bad which is opposite of good." He let me babble that time, just watching me with an amused expression that made me want to jump up and down and squeal like a girl. <God, I'm gonna miss girly giggling.> I thought and settled for flinging the blanket over his head. "Time to go see our new headquarters!"
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