Cell vs a Dragonball
Cell: Ah! It's a dragon ball!
Dragon ball: .....
Cell: Oh yeah? [begins to power up]
Dragon ball: ....
Cell: Ah! It's not doing anything!
Dragon ball: ....
Cell: Aaaahhhh!!
Cell vs Chiatzu
Z fighters: well Cell is obviously invincible and we can't do anything...so..*they all pick up rocks and bombard Cell*
Cell: ahh! nooo....
Tien: damn...well,to finish..*throws Chiatzu*
Chiatzu: I love you better than Tien now Cell,and I'm gonna stalk you for life!
Tien: yes he's finally stopped stalking me!
Cell: Noo...the shame..the shame...being stalked by Chiatzu! *dies*
Chiatzu: Should I be offended?
Cell vs King Kai
Cell: Who's this idiot?!?!
King Kai: I'm the funniest guy in the universe!
Cell: ....
King Kai: ...that's me!
Cell: Oh yeah? Well why did the chicken cross the road?
King Kai: To get to the other side!
Cell: ... the bastard blocked my attack!
King Kai: What kind of dog can't walk?
Cell: ...no.. please...not this stupid joke... please!!!
King Kai: A hot dog!
Cell vs Master Roshi
Master Roshi: Here's the best of my collection!
Cell: ....
Master Roshi: [hands Cell a magazine]
Cell: .... uh... I'll give up the Cell Games for this one right here!
Master Roshi: ... oh no... who said these were for sale?
Cell: ....
Master Roshi: ...well, alright!
Cell: Thanks! *and walks off*
Master Roshi: ... dammit! That was my best one!
Cell vs Dende
Dende runs up to Cell..
Dende: Hi! I'm so cute and now I'm God!
Gohan: Ah no it's Dende
*Gohan hides behind Piccolo's leg*
Piccolo/Dende:........
Cell: Aww what a cutie
Tien: Pity Cell didnt get any of Dende's cells.he'd look one helluva lot better
Dende: Cell I'll give you a couple of cells if you give up the Cell games...
Yamcha: Hehehe,he said "Cell" three times in one sentence...
Z fighters: *sweatdrop*
Cell: okay! I can look good and give up this stupid fighting once and for all!
Vegeta (to Piccolo): well that gayness came from your side of the family..
Piccolo: Nuh-uh! It was Krillin!
Krillin: what? I didn't even contribute to Cell!
Piccolo/Vegeta: ........
Vegeta (aside to Piccolo): you can tell he's ashamed...
Cell vs Bulma
Cell: And who are you?
Bulma: Don't you know who I am?
Cell:... uh... no...
Bulma: ... [gets pissed off and slaps Cell to death] ... remember my name next time bitch!
Cell vs Chi chi
Cell: Who are you?
Chi chi: Where's Goku?and wheres my son? *evil look at Piccolo*
Piccolo: It wasn't me this time,I swear!
Cell: Muahahaha I killed your husband
Chi chi: So your the one whos been threatening the Earth?
Cell: Well yeah thats me...
Chi chi: *pulls a frying pan outta nowhere* damn it you interrupted Gohan's studying! *beats Cell to death with the frying pan* HE IS GOING TO BE A SCHOLAR!!But then you and the green guy interfered and now he's gonna join a gang and shave his head! *stops beating Cell and starts crying on Gohan*
Cell vs Bulma
Bulma: I can stand up to you!
Cell: No you can't...
Bulma: Oh yeah? [pulls out a capsule]
Cell: Uh-oh...
Bulma: [opens the capsule, and out pops another capsule]
Cell: Eh?
....500 years later...
Bulma: Alright! Now start counting!
Cell: Oh geez... [starts counting, and dies from counting too high]
Cell vs Yamcha
Cell: I will defeat you!
Yamcha: I swear Cell,you look just like my ex,Bulma!:
Cell: NOO! *dies*
Yamcha: Hehehehe.Gets 'em every time..
Bulma: What was that?!
Yamcha: Where the hell did you come from?!
Bulma: Never mind that! *bitchslaps Yamcha to death*
Cell vs Tien
Tien: How many eyes do I have?
Cell: Three.
Tien: But I'm a human. Don't humans have two eyes?
Cell: ... [dies of confusion]
Cell vs Chiatzu (Choa-tsu)
Cell: Oh yeah? I can beat you Chao-Tsu!
Chao-Tsu: Yeah... but... [whistles out]
Hundreds and hundreds of little Barbie dolls run out and scare Cell.
Cell: No way! I asked for a tournament, not a family reunion! [dies]
Cell vs the entire Z fighters and Vegeta
Cell: I can beat you,little green guy!
Piccolo: But umm I come up to your shoulders at my normal height,and I can increase my size at will...plus I am also the tallest Z fighter...
Cell: .....
Dende: Hey Mr Cell! are you referring to me?
Cell: Ummm....
Gohan: *walks out dressed in a Dende costume* No,he's looking for me!
Piccolo: We'll confuse him to death!
*all the Z fighters walk out,dressed as Piccolo or Dende*
Cell:..uhhh..
*Vegeta walks out in the wrong costume,a wedding dress*
Vegeta: Cell! I have come for you!
Cell: *mistakes that for meaning something else and dies of fright*
Cell vs Krillin
Krillin: Cell... how 'bout we change the rules of the tournament?
Cell: I'm listening...
Krillin: If you can rub my bald head, you can blow up the world.
Cell: ....deal!
Krillin: [takes off his hat]
Cell: [goes to rub his head... but dies... who the hell wants to touch Krillin?]
Cell vs Korin
Cell: Who are you?
Short little figure in a coat: ....
Cell: C'mon! Tell me! Who are you?
Short little figure in a coat: ....
Cell: Fine then! [rips the coat off... and jumps back in surprise]
Short little figure: ....
Cell: Aaaahh! It's... it's... it's... a...
Karin: Cat! [rings his bell and whacks Cell's shins with his stick]
Cell: Nooooooo!!!!
Cell vs Yajirobe
Yajirobe: *eyes Cell evilly*
Cell: What? what do you want,fat guy? are you going to defeat me when your strongest warriors couldnt even make a mark?
Yajirobe: *continues eyeing Cell* You know,you resemble a Namek...
Piccolo: Hey! He does not!
Vegeta: *smirks* You know Yajirobe,Nameks are edible,and Korin doesnt feed you properly,does he?
Yajirobe: mmmm..Namek in sauce...*Yajirobe and Vegeta advance on Cell while Piccolo grabs Dende and runs*
Cell vs Ginyu
Cell: Who the hell are you?
Ginyu: I am here to teach you the Dance of Joy
Cell: .......
Ginyu: Like this! and this! Hey if you dont work it I'll make Vegeta,Gohan and Piccolo kiss you!
Vegeta/Gohan/Piccolo: What the fuck?!
Ginyu: Now! like this and this! and this!
Cell: *attempts to do it but dies*
Ginyu: Well he's down *turns to the Z fighters* well you'll have to take his place!
Z fighters: *sweatdrop*
Ginyu: The dance of joy! Step one,step two!
Z fighters: *try to follow his movements*
Cell vs Frieza
Frieza: Oh,my! What a quaint fighter!
Z Fighters + Cell: *sweatdrop*
Frieza: Although you are all probably weaker than my tongue,I will join this tournament! Yes,how do you all feel knowing you will be fighting someone who could beat you with the twitch of a eyebrow! I am so strong,I could destroy this planet with a twitch of my toe! Even in more first form which is incredibly weak but still capable of beating all of you!Yes,I am so quaintly strong that it is impossible for you to try and win!
Several hours later...
Entire Z senshi: *asleep*
Frieza: And in conclusion,I am great and powerful and smart!
Dende: Wake up,guys! He's finished!
Piccolo and Vegeta:*tiptoe and whisper to Cell*
Cell:NOOOO! *dies*
Gohan:What'd you guys do to him?
Vegeta:*smirks* We told him that Frieza was his father...
Piccolo:*smirks identically* Which is true in a way...
Tien:Hey Piccolo,didn't Cell always call you "brother"?
Piccolo:*shudders* Yeah,why?
Gohan:Well doesnt that make you Frieza's son also?
Frieza:Me,the great and powerful,having a stupid Namek son? NOOO! *dies*
Krillin:Ha,now we can call Piccolo Frieza's son...
Piccolo:NOOO!*throttles Krillin*
Tien:*whispers to Yamcha* Did you see him dying instead of killing?
Piccolo:ANYONE ELSE WANNA MESS WITH ME?! WELL,DO THEY?
*sudden silence*
Cell vs the Turtle
Turtle:Ha,you look like a cockroach..
Cell:Thats it! *powers up*
Turtle: Haven't you ever heard of respecting your elders?
Cell: .......
Turtle:Well,take a guess at how old I am!
Cell: .......
Turtle:I hear you're strong..show me how much stronger than me you are!
Cell: KAMEHAMEHA! *Kamehameha heads towards the turtle*
Ash: Turtle! Withdraw!
Yamcha:Umm,who the hell are you?
Turtle:*withdraws into shell and the attack passes him by*
Piccolo:Who the hell are you?
Ash:I'm Turtle's trainer and *strikes pose* the worlds greatest Pokemon master!
Z fighters+Cell: .......
Pikachu: Pi pikachu!
Brock: *runs up to Piccolo and Yamcha* You two are the prettiest girls I've ever seen!Please,one of you marry me!
Yamcha:My hairdresser told me that if I cut my hair this wouldn't ever happen again...
Piccolo: I feel pretty.
Tien:So why are you here,Ash?
Ash:I'm here to catch the worlds rarest Pokemon,the genetically engineered CellTwo!
Cell:NOOO! *dies*
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