The National Turtle Exquisitor

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Volume: 01
Issue: 09
Date: Backspindlewinter, Century of the Confused Turtle 09

Recap of Year 09, Century of the Confused Turtle
At the beginning of this year, the question was whether or not the Agatean Empire would complete its conquest of the Disc. In Spring Prime, the Agatean convoys continue, ferrying more armies from the Counterweight Continent and into No Thingfjord. A legion of the Golden Emperor marched on the Diamond City from the Rammerock Mountains, whilst some of the Duc's forces marched there from the Vieux Plains. An attempt to take Uberwald was foiled, ultimately, by the Klatchian army in the Sto Plains, which caused the attack from the Genuans in Uberwald to be repelled back, who then had to beat off the Agateans. But the skirmish was actually a three-way melee, as the Klatchians from Lancre saw the fun and joined in.

That scrum was one of only two defeats the towelheads had; they also failed to take the Theocracy's capital from the Muntabian Home Guard. Klatchian forces took Borogravia from the Genuans and chopped a Muntabian fleet to kindling in Ghat. Learning from his ally, Brother Jhake ordered a fancy convoy to get an army from S'Belinde to Farferee. In a more mundane convoy, the new unit assembled at the Rhoxie skipped across the Circle Sea to a new home in Istanzia, trailing Curious Squid all the way, who were feeling a sense of deja vu and curious about it.

The Theocrat managed to keep one fleet by returning to base in Rehigreed Province just ahead of the invading Agateans.

Having simmered about the matchsticks marked "Genuine Muntabian" that were being sold by the Klatchians in Ghat, two legions of Muntabs loyal sons teamed up to push a group of Klatchians out of Ushistan. That unit of the Klatchian Foreign Legion suddenly found itself in Vanglemesh, though it could not remember why. Just ahead of more cameldrovers looking for lights, the last Muntabian fleet shifted mooring into Brindisi. They sent a communique to the Theocrat's palace of their new home, but got a reply back full of sand and cloves; the desert-boys in Vanglemesh took advantage of the Muntabians' revenge-attack and slipped into the palace in Muntab behind the force leaving for Ushistan. With help from Agateans researching the Battle of Koom Valley, Klatchians in the Sto Plains (tired of living on cabbages) gathered some boys from Lancre (eager to put some of Guru Shawn Ogg's battle techniqus in practice) and Borogravia (just for fun) and turned all the Genuans in Uberwald into frogs, who then hopped to the Vieux River. Hoping to realise their lifelong dream of flying dragons, the Klatchian fleet in the Hubwards Turnwise Ocean attempted to dock at Wyrmberg, only to find that the Agateans had not decamped.

The Genuan (genuine?) frogs hopping down the foothills from Uberwald found more frogs in the Vieux Plains that they could account for; Agateans had shared the spell from spies in the Koom Valley legion and used it on the Duc's army holding the river-fort. The Emperor surprised the Duc by getting behind his lines in a convoy to Apinkieyabarmpot from Kythia. All along the coast off the Genuan homeland Agatean forces were moving in, fleets sailing silently nearer.

In Backspindlewinter Brother Jhake found himsef with more resources than training-camps, and he gleefully added another regiment of the Home Guard in the Rhoxie, a mixed cavalry of elephants and camels in Re'Durat, and a fleet in Howondaland. With the success of his Fertility Treatment Edict, the Emperor was able to gather another army in Bes Pelargic. The Duc, stinging after the loss of two crack battalions in one season, looked round but discovered he had all he could do just to support the one he had left in Momerathia, and the Theocrat thanked the army in Klatchistan profusely for assistance in the Revenge of Muntab, then gave out pink slips all round.

An article on mapping in Diplomacy
An article on Small Powers

Issue 09