I have two versions of My Friend Flicker. This one features Scully/Doggert and Doggert/SecondAgent and the other one features Scully/Mulder. The first part of the story is pretty much the same for both, with the same title and picture but the second part is different. The second part of this story used to be a separate story called A Wild Hair Day, and it continued the story of Flicker. In this new combination, it is on the same page as a one of the two endings. If you want just the second part, scroll down until you see a picture with a milk carton in it. Ya can't miss it.

Please note the Disclaimer at my Homepage. The X-Files characters are the property of Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and Fox Company.

I read an article about the Lone Gunmen in which Bruce Harwood was wondering where the Lone Gunmen work. He wondered how they could afford all that computer equipment. He thought they might be "troubleshooters" for a computer company. I also read that Dean Haglund likes to make comic books. Just to get them employed, I decided that Frohike and Langly are the writer and illustrator of a comic book, and Byers works as a spokesperson for a computer security company. He gives lectures and also promotes his company's security plans.

So, then, I asked, what would these three guys want to get, once they had a little "walk-around?" More computer equipment? NOT!...Girlfriends!

So as the showers of spring bring forth the first buds, perhaps Mulder has yet to melt THAT HEART of surgical steel, but on the first cherry blossomed weekend, the old VW van is loaded up to the Plimsoll Line with picnic baskets, coolers, blankets, and pillows, and the Lone Gunmen and their saucy sweeties are all gone a-May-ing. A visual aid to this would be to think of Manet's "Le Dejuener Sur L'Herbe," and then remove the two French Gentlemen, insert Les Bandits Solitaires and another relaxed-looking lady, and Voila...Luncheon On The Grassy Knoll.

As with my other stories, I'm not sure any of this stuff is technically, physically, humanly, etc. possible, but I'm not losing sleep over it, y'know? The idea here is that these guys have been six seasons without girlfriends. Poor babies! We'll fix 'em up!

Nyack, N.Y., President's Day 2001:

A college-age boy comes down the hall of a suburban house and looks into a bedroom. Two younger boys are at a computer station. They are trying variations on a word to go into another person's Internet site.

"I didn't know you were a hacker, lil' Bro'...Whose site is this?" asks the older brother.

The younger boy at the station, not the younger brother says, "Some nerd at the Computer Club. He's the one who's walking home when you come to pick us up? Always comes across like he invented everything. I watched him log into his own page today and I think I know four letters of his five letter password. He's got a surprise comin’!"The boy has an unpleasant look on his face. Suddenly a message comes up on the screen. "Warning: You have entered private computer files. You have 60 seconds to get out. Failure to leave will result in the termination of your programs." A clock appears in the upper right side of the screen.

"Whoa, way hokey!" says the younger brother. He looks a little tense, though, "He can't do that right? Take out our programs with his computer?"

"Doubt it." says the operator.

The older brother begins to walk away, up the hallway, "I'm going to the 'fridge. I'm gonna need my room when I get back. Oh-you better hope he doesn't take out my Freshman English Lit. reports. I can sell those." He's grinning when he says this. The clock is at 14 seconds.

At the end of the hall, he turns a corner. A dining room chair is in the extreme foreground. He walks in front of a window which frames the ell of the house, including the window of the bedroom in which the brother and his friend are working, and part of the yard. Snow covers the ground. At "0," the window and wall of the bedroom blow out.

Big "X," Whooee music, etc.

The third time this type of explosion happens, the F.B.I. is called in. Agents Doggett and Scully are assigned to the case. "From all appearances, the only link between all three cases is that the victims were operating computers at the time of the explosion." says Doggett, as he and Scully poke around in the debris, "There was no evidence of any explosive devices. The force that exploded in the rooms seems to have been electrical in nature and to have come through the wires. In all three cases, the surge supressors were in perfect condition while the computer and everything near it was blown away. The force seems to be able to circumvent the surge strips."

After reviewing the first police report, Scully, at a nearby hospital, asks the survivor of the third explosion if she also saw a warning or a 30-second clock. "No. No warning. No clock. Just a flash and a crack, and Jan and her desk were flying back towards me. She hit the wall. A corner of her desk hit my desk. Her desktop turned up and it smashed into her vertically. My desk knocked into me."

A suburb of Washington, D.C. Earth Day weekend, 1999: At the apartment of Langly, Frohike, and Byers, Langly has set the table for supper. He takes a casserole out of the oven. Frohike, and his girlfriend, Lois Lane, come through the door, greet him, and rush over to the t.v. They wear T-shirts from a Public Lands Clean-Up in the area. Lois gives Langly a bottle of White Zin. As they click to a channel, Frohike explains, "Lois' Clean-Up was covered by Channel 10."

"So the whole thing went over well? I know you were working pretty hard on it." says Langly.

"Yeah," says Lois, "The kids were a real help-getting it organized, too. I like the kids in the program. They seem tough, but they want to be challenged." The story on at moment is that the F.B.I. has been called in to investigate a series of bizarre explosions in the White Plains, New York, area. Frohike calls Langly's attention to it, "Have you seen the articles in the papers about this?" Langly nods, "It's weird!" The story of the clean-up follows in the local news segment. Langly says, "Look, Mel, there you are, lurking behind Lois. Oh, look! You just realized that the camera can see you. Peek-a-boo! Oh, good thinking-hide behind Lois!" Frohike scowls. Lois giggles. In the footage, Lois, surrounded by several huge teenage boys who obviously want to be on camera but want to be cool about it, thanks the sponsors and the participants. After the news program moves on, Langly pours glasses of wine, and the group sits down to supper.

In a hotel lobby in White Plains, Byers shuffles through some overhead transparencies and some note cards that he has pulled from his briefcase. His girlfriend, Mary Mallon, gives him a little kiss, then they both go into a large conference room. Byers goes to a chair near the podium. Mary sits in the audience.

Byers gives a speech to a room full of people, finishing it by saying, "So, in conclusion, these are the best steps you can take to avoid or minimize damage from the computer viruses that are out there today. I'll set out print-outs of these papers, so you can take this information with you. Or you can go to www.SiteSecure.com and review them there. Our firm is ready to help you with all your security needs. Thank you." He removes his papers from under the document camera, and turns it off. After the applause, Master of Ceremonies, noting the time, cancels the question and answer period, but asks Byers to stay and answer questions informally during the "social time" which will follow.

Byers, standing with Mary, sets out the information on a table. He is approached by a young boy. The boy asks, "Hi, may I speak with you in private?" They move to a quieter corner. The boy pulls a print-out of a news story out of his pocket and unfolds it. "I did that." he says.

Byers looks at the clipping. "This is that story about the two boys being blown up," he says. He's a little lost for an answer. He says, "Uhhh, Have you talked to your parents about this?"

"Nice speech," says the mother of the boy, who comes over to join them in the corner. "Ken insisted on coming. He's really into computers! We appreciate being able to get information about these darn viruses!" As she speaks, Ken shifts uncomfortably and quickly pockets the paper which Byers has given him back. Obviously, he hasn't talked with his mom about this.

Byers says, "Well, Ken, here's my e-mail address on my business card. If you send me your address, I can send you...advice...about viruses, or other um, computer related things." For some reason he's willing to believe the kid may have caused the explosion.

Back in Washington, Byers receives an e-mail at his office. A small t.v. on Byer's work station shelf is tuned to the news. A report shows the damage done to the interior of a Public Library in Pawtucket R.I. when an explosion sent nine computer users through to the next room into the stacks of juvenile fiction. The message from Ken consists of a lengthy narrative:

"Last summer I went to visit my Uncle Harv and Aunt Linda in Gunnison, Colorado. Uncle Harv runs a radio station there, and we went up to do some repairs on the tower. Summer is short there, so it was like it was going to storm up on the mountain. The sky was a weird color. Uncle Harv was done, and I was really glad he was off the metal tower. I thought he might get hit by some lightning. As I thought that, suddenly this ball lightning came out of nowhere and hung in front of Uncle Harv. Then it dropped at Uncle Harv's feet. For some reason he picked it up-barehanded-and threw it to me like a softball. I caught it and sent it back. It was fun. After we did this for a while, he says we really should get home, so I pretended like I threw the lightning away, but I didn't. I snuck it into my backpack. Two days later, I brought it home on the plane with me. I had to put it in my jacket when I put the backpack through the security baggage check, but it didn't set off the alarms in the big doorway you go through."

"I kept it in my room. I noticed it seemed to know what was going on. It was like a pet. We can't have pets in our apartment, so I liked thinking I had a pet. When my mom would come in, it would hide in a one of the outlets, or in a wire. I should probably mention my dad left us a long time ago. Mom works and also goes to school, so no one checks up on me very much. Of course, I'm very responsible for my age."

"I didn't tell my mom about this because I thought she would worry about it being lightning, but I thought it was pretty harmless. I wasn't right about that."

"I would like have a lot of security devices on my computer files. I have some bogus warnings that are posted in case anyone gets in. All I have are some games I've invented, but I don't want people messing. I told my ball lightning, which by the way, is named Flicker-it does this quivering thing when it's excited- about some security devices I would LIKE to have, like one that destroys the other person's whole computer if they hack me. Well, that was a mistake."

Doggett knocks on the door of Mr. Robertson's home room the following Thursday, after school. The teacher sits grading papers with another teacher. The agent steps in, "Mr. Robertson? I'm Agent Doggett, F.B.I." He shows his F.B.I. I.D.

"Yes," says Mr. Robertson. "The office told me you were on your way down. This is about those two boys?"

Doggett says, "I've talked with the brother of one of the two boys....they said the boys were hacking into the files of one of the students in your Computer Club. The brother didn't have a name or address, but said you might be able to help."

"Mrs. Gingrich, here, and I run the Computer Club," Mr. Robertson says, "Can you describe the boy?"

"Well," says Doggett., "The brother described him as "thin, sandy-blonde hair...he says he must live close to the school-he walks home after after Computer Club."

Mr. Robertson says, "That sounds like Kenneth McLaughlin."

Mrs. Gingrich nods, "The office can get you his address."

"Thanks," says the agent. He phones his partner, who is at the site of the Pawtucket Library explosion, gathering data at local hospitals and the morgue. She says she will be able to finish there by the end of the day and catch the 11:16 a.m. Amtrak the next day. He confirms that he can pick her up at Pennsylvania Station in NYC at 3:20 p.m. He says he needs her help questioning the boy, Ken.

Over supper that same night, Byers confides the boy's story with Langly and Frohike, and the two gal friends.

Mary says,"My parents live in the White Plains area. Right now they're down in Florida. I'm sure we could all stay at the house if you want to arrange to go visit this kid." Everyone agrees that this seems to be a good plan. As it turns out, everyone can go the next weekend, and Byers e-mails Ken that he should tell his mother what has been going on, and have her call him. She does, and agrees that they can come talk to Ken and her."

In White Plains that weekend, the women stay at Mary's parents' house to fix supper while the trio of guys goes to the McLaughlin's apartment. Mary says they can make enough for Mrs. McLaughlin and Ken, if they care to come. She takes Nell's phone number.

"Mary is good at cooking for a large group." Byers tells Lois. "She's worked as a cook at some of the Foreign Diplomats' residences."

"Yes, But...I'm having the worst luck!" Mary says ruefully, "For the third time, there has been sickness in the household. The people have had to go to the hospital, so I get let go!"

The three arrive at the McLaughlin's apartment at the same time that the two agents pull up. Both parties now know that they are on to something.

The whole situation is awkward for Byers. He hands the agents a copy of Ken's e-mail and says to the agents,"Look, this kid approached me in confidence. He brought back a strange ball lightning from Colorado last summer. It seems the lightning is sentient. It's gotten loose in the grid, and it has some bad ideas about what the kid wants it to do. I'm not comfortable with you approaching this kid like he wanted to hurt people. I don't think it's like that."

Scully says, "OK, I guess we could pull back if you call us and keep us informed." The agents show faith that these right-minded, educated citizens of a democracy will do the best thing.

"I can call you tonight with whatever we find out," promises Byers.

Byers checks to make sure he remembers Scully’s cell phone number. Before the agents leave, Scully turns and says, "The two boys were trying to access Ken McLaughlin's files when the explosion occurred. There doesn't seem to be any connection we can establish to any of the other explosions. The explosions just seem to occur at random. We'd like to know if there's a pattern or a reason for them. Find out if Ken knows why the other people were attacked?"

Nell McLaughlin answers the door. Nell is a slender ash blonde. When Langly's eyes meet hers, his pupils dialate. She says, "I'm glad you all could come. I don't have anyone to talk this over with. Ken's dad lives in another state. We don't hear too much from him. He's always "too busy" to help with Ken. We got married right after high school, right after we found out...Well, Ken and I ...we're just "in the way" of what Rob wants to do, so we leave him be!" She brings the three some coffee. "I'm lucky I can send Ken to my older brother Harv's in the summer. It gets him out of this little apartment, where there's nothing to do! I can scarcely believe all this. Harv says he remembers the ball lightning though. I'm glad you got Ken to tell me about this, Mr. Byers. Frankly, there were a couple of times I thought I saw something in his room...Well! I thought it was some sort of inner eye flash-like if you get hit on the head? This certainly explains it, but...what about those people and the explosions? Can Ken be held responsible?"

"Well, that's a tough question, Mrs. McLaughlin," Frohike says, "They say be careful what you wish for because you might get it. Ken clearly wished he had the ability to "blow away" any hacker. Apparently Flicker got that part of it, without realizing that this was a pretty typical adolescent power fantasy. Obviously, Ken wasn't expecting it to happen."

"No, that's right, I wasn't!" interjects Ken. "It's like all those games I play with other people on the 'Net...sometimes you "die," but not really!"

Langly leans in towards Nell and says, "We don't think, in the other deaths, the people were hacking your son's computer. They might have been breaking in somewhere else...or they might just have been visiting another site!" He turns to Ken, "Ken, I guess Flicker can tell the difference between computers and other appliances?"

Ken says, "Flicker could recognize the power spike when my computer came on. A lot of time it was just laying around in the lines until I came home from school and went the 'Net. Then it would float up and watch me."

"Apparently ball lightning is not a prisoner of the lines as is regular electricity," comments Byers.

"It went where it wanted to in the apartment," says Ken.

Do you know why it would have attacked those other people?" asks Byers.

"No,I can't figure out why Flicker attacked anyone other than the two boys," says Ken Then he says, quickly, "Well, maybe they were watching something violent. Flicker got very scared if I was playing a game like "Deadly Combat" with lots of violence...".

Frohike says, "Hmmm...violent programs. Um, the worst case scenario is that Flicker has access to the power of the whole grid and has learned how to "take out" more than one user at a time. The grid covers the same area caught in the big blackout back in the 1960's...pretty much the whole Northeast Corridor from New York to Maine. I hope we don't start to see whole neighborhoods leveled, or a power plant blown up."

The phone rings loudly at this point and all five react in a startled way. They laugh at their reaction after they realize it is just the phone. Nell picks up the receiver and it is Mary calling to see if Mrs. McLaughlin and Ken would like to come for supper. Nell accepts, and expresses to them all how grateful she is to them to have taken an interest in helping Ken.

They all get their coats. On the way out to the parking lot, Langly says, "So, Nell, You have a very fluid way of moving. Have you ever studied dance?" Nell says, "Oh! I go to a fitness center. Last year I took "Exotic Dance!" She blushes and adds quickly, "...more for the aerobics of it, though!" Langly blushes also, and jumps in with, "Gee, I guess Ken is about ready to do some growing? Do you think he'll be as tall as you?" "Oh! Much taller!" His Dad's as tall as you!" she says. Changing the subject seems not to have solved the blushing problem. Both fall silent.

Over dinner, the male trio is surprised that the three women are so alike in their analysis of Flicker. All three see the ball lightning as some sort of half-tame creature that is lost and confused in the grid. All three use analogies of powerful domesticated animals. Lois thinks of Flicker as being like a guard-dog. Both Nell and Mary think of Flicker as more like some horses they have known. Mary recounts a story about a horse that kicked someone to death as that person tried to lead it out of a fire in the barn. At some point "it" becomes a "she." The trio now senses there had BETTER BE some compelling reason to put Flicker "down." They realize they are no longer able to "shoot on sight." Oh, like, as if this wasn't a big enough problem?

So, now they have to come up with a way to get Flicker back to Ken that doesn't destroy the lightning. But how? Byers calls Scully as promised. Scully is interested in some details about Flicker-size, shape, etc. Byers puts Ken on, and the two talk for several minutes.

The guys are up early, helping Mary unload the dishwasher and prepare breakfast. Mary gets them coffee and they stand around the kitchen discussing Flicker. They "buy into" the womens' idea that the lightning is lost in the grid. Byers says, "It's quite possible that when the lightning blew out the boys and their computer, it got knocked back into the grid. The next incidents were across the Hudson River. It went east for some time then changed direction at Providence. Maybe it's following a trunk line? Maybe if we knew more about the grid, we could anticipate where it would be next and be there to lead it out of the grid?"

"And maybe get kicked to death?" asks Frohike. No one speaks to this.

Lois comes downstairs, and Mary gets her a cup of coffee. She asks the guys what the discussion is about. Frohike tells her, "We can't figure out how to lead Flicker home."

Lois thinks for a minute and says. "Well, suppose there was only one way to go?"

"Excuse me?" says Frohike.

"Well," says Lois, "Suppose there are too many choices now. But, suppose you could fix it so there was only one way for her to go?"

The Gunmen begin to talk excitedly in computer jargon. Ken listens for a while and then says, astonished,"You're gonna SHUT DOWN the WHOLE INTERNET?

"Well, except for YOUR site," says Langly. Frohike goes to the phone.

After Scully finishes talking with Frohike, she calls Ass't. Dir. Kersh, who approves Frohike's plan.

Doggett and Scully call all the servers. The servers agree to shut down all the Internet sites for as long as necessary. Except one site. The group staying at Mary's parent's house goes to Nell's apartment.

Byers uses the McLaughlin's phone to keep the agents apprised of the situation. The three men, the two girlfriends, Nell, and Ken crowd into Ken's bedroom. Suddenly, Frohike scowls. He orders everyone but Ken and himself out of the room. "Go to the kitchen; make some coffee." he growls. Everyone complies. He's right, of course. What were they thinking, all crowding into the room to SEE if Flicker was going to blow the room apart? Lois and Nell share a glance.

In the room, Frohike bends over the keyboard and tells Ken, "Don't sit. Stand here, near the door. If this looks bad, I'm going to push you into the corridor." He turns on the computer, and follows Kens directions to log into his site. There is a minute that takes a long time.

Suddenly a small glowing ball appears in front of Ken. Ken is exultant. He smiles a beaming smile at Frohike. The small ball, about the size of a softball, sends off many, many, little flares. It flickers. Ken gentles it into his backpack.

Mary lands her family's little plane on the small airstrip at Gunnison. Harv and Linda meet the group with their truck and a borrowed van, and they take off for the mountain. Everyone: Harv and Linda, Frohike and Lois, Byers and Mary, and Langly and Nell, is in for a treat to see the joy that comes to Ken as he lets the ball lightning back out into the wild.

You didn't really go for that stuff about our Government trusting its citizens to do what's best, did you? Hello?

Ken is detained in jail until his day in Juvenile Court. As a clerk carries the large insulated container with Flicker to the Evidence Room at the local police station, a misstep sends the container down the stairwell. The container smashes open on one corner and Flicker zips through an outlet and heads for home. Several minutes later, visiting his cell, Nell slips Ken the ball lightning in a hollowed-out Lord of the Rings Trilogy (plus The Hobbit) secured by a thick rubber band. She hurries outside where Langly keeps her SUV running. The wall of the jail goes BLOOWEE!, and all four escape into the countryside.

After a month, the F.B.I. calls off the tri-state hunt. In a related business news story, sales are soaring the rest of spring and all through summer for products of Lone Gunman Novelties, Inc., exclusive marketers of "FLEE FLICKER FLEE!" T-shirts, posters, and bumper stickers.

Thanks for visiting my site,

Leila (March 29, 1999)

And not only that...
Hair, Hair, Long Strag-ga-ly Hair,
Limply Tangly, A Big Brown En-vel-ope of Langly's
Haaaaaaa-aaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaair!
Dominatin' Women Cut His
Haaaaaaa-aaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaair?
Playnote: The part of Langly's hair (the hair part, NOT the part part, OK?) will be played by swatches from an Ava Gabor wig.

Sunday, September 30, 2001 In an 18th century farmhouse in East Longmeadow, Massachusetts,dark attic stair steps creak as we see the steel-toed work boots and blue jeans of two unknown persons ascend. The reach the attic and disappear into a dark area.

In the foreground sits Langly, tied up in a chair and lit from a single bare bulb above his head. The two persons, both female, emerge from the dark area wearing the type of loose coats worn in beauty salons. One holds a large brown envelope, which is addressed and stamped. She places it on a countertop off to the side. As Langly protests loudly, writhes, and calls for help, the two attach a brace to Langly's neck, which will make it hard for him to move his head. One frees up hair caught under the brace. The other has pulled over a small taboret mounted on castors the type used in beauty salons. She positions it behind Langly. She opens the top drawer and takes out a comb, scissors, and an electric razor. She begins to cut Langly’s hair off at the scalp line and drop it into the large brown envelope which is being held open by the other woman. Langly is screaming.

The first woman removes the last bits of stubble with the razor and turns it off. She empties the razor clippings into the envelope. The second woman shakes the envelope to tamp the hair down, inserts a note, pulls off the self-seal tape, and folds down the flap. The first woman has unplugged the razor, wiped off the comb and scissors on her coat, and has put them all back into the drawer of the taboret. They remove the brace from Langly, put it on the taboret, and push the taboret back into a corner. The two persons turn away and descend the stairs, one holding the envelope. The door at the bottom of the stairs closes.

Under the bare bulb, we see Langly from the back, tied in the chair. His head shines from the light of the bulb. He is bent over, heaving up and down. He might be crying, noiselessly.

Opening music, credits, etc.,

Tuesday, October 2, 2001 In a suburb of Washington, D.C., another two sets of work-boots and blue jeans descend a darkened staircase, followed by a pair of men's dress shoes and pinstripe trousers. A door opens. The figure bends over and we see that it is Frohike, followed by Bond and Byers. Frohike is picking up the mail that has been delivered through the mail slot. He brings the huge pile over to a big worktable. He sorts the mail into piles.

"Bill, bill, junk, junk, junk, subscriber? Bill, junk, junk, junk, junk, junk and finally this mangled mess here, whatever it is..." Frohike holds up a bulging, wrinkled, ripped brown envelope.

Byers: "Well, I guess it couldn"t be a bomb, since it probably would have gone off by now..." Bond, a little wide-eyed at this, flinches from his position at the end of the table.

Frohike tears back the flap. He looks inside. Every part of his body "freezes." He fishes out the note and hands the envelope to Byers, with an intense look. Bond has moved up next to Byers. Byers pulls a long swatch of the hair from the envelope. Frohike scans the note.

Byers looks at Frohike grimly, "So, what does it say they want?"

Frohike, with resignation, "Flicker."

Friday, October 5, 2001 At F.B.I. Headquarters, a large conference room. Assistant Director Skinner, Doggett, and Agent SecondAgent meet with Frohike, Byers and Bond.

At the beginning of the meeting, Assistant Director Skinner introduces Agent John Doggett's new partner, a tallish graying blonde agent named Sam SecondAgent.

Frohike stares at Agent SecondAgent. He's troubled by a sense of deja vu.

Frohike: "We've been in contact with Nell-Mrs. McLaughlin. Langly made a beer run Saturday night-the 29th of September, using Nell's SUV, and didn’t come back. The safe house hostess and Nell found Nell's SUV in the supermarket parking lot, with the 30-pack still in the back." (Bureau eyebrows go up at this detail. Agent SecondAgent makes a low whistle and murmurs, "A 30-pack! Obviously a very disciplined abduction!" Frohike clears his throat loudly and continues, "They drove the SUV back to the safe house and immediately Nell and Ken gathered up their belongings and took Flicker on to the next safe house."

Assistant Director Skinner asks, "I know you probably won't tell us where Nell, Ken, and Flicker are now, but could you tell us where the abduction of Langly took place?"

"And the whereabouts of the 30-pack?" adds Agent SecondAgent. Agent Doggett catches his eye and makes a little "no!" motion with his head. Agent SecondAgent slumps into his chair.

Byers pulls copies of maps-state, city, block, from his briefcase and he and Bond begin to pass them around. "They were staying in the Springfield, Massachusetts, area. The supermarket and the post office are in a suburb. They're circled in red on the city and block maps. I guess we could assume whoever has Langly has also moved him, though. Frankly, we’ve got nothing."

Byers continues after putting some extra copies of the map back in his briefcase: "We thought Langly was getting too overconfident...he had sent us an encrypted message from their hostess' p.c. It had her e-mail address on it. We thought at the time that was risky. We know you've been monitoring us as much as possible."

Doggett says, "Look, I'm not going to deny it. This ball lightning, Flicker, may be this kid’s beloved pet, but it’s also a powerful weapon. It can access power from the grid and redirect that power to cause electrical explosions over a vast area. You people shoulda let me turn it over to the Department of Defense. Now maybe some enemy of the United States has a way to get a hold of it.”

Skinner says, "Well, this is all water over the dam now. A lot of dam water. Let's do some field work and see if anyone at the supermarket or the post office can tell us anything. If somebody saw something...a mistake they made...?” The meeting breaks up. Agents Doggett and SecondAgent head off to the airport to get a flight for Springfield.

In the VW van, Byers drives and Frohike, sitting in the passenger seat, says, "I’m not 100% convinced that it’s not the FBI that has abducted them."

"Yeah. That’s a possibility," agrees Byers.

The van passes a parked car."Wow, a license plate from Canada!" says Bond, The car abruptly pulls out in back of them.

Frohike and Byers ignore this and Frohike continues, "Doggett didn't deny monitoring our electronic communication. We should have moved them after Langly sent us that message..." Frohike shakes his head.

Bond is waving at the car in back of them. The Gunmen's van takes a turn onto a side street and the car in back continues on straight ahead. Bond yells "Au revoir, you guys!" in a pleasant effusive manner to them. Shortly after this, another car pulls out of a parking space and follows them.

"Wow, two in one day!" says Bond. Neither Frohike or Byers inquire about this remark by Bond.

"Langly just put too much faith in the security systems he devised," Byers notes sadly.

At FBI Headquarters Tuesday, October 16, 2001, in a similar meeting, Doggett and SecondAgent announce that they found no new information by interviewing the workers at the supermarket and the post office. "No one saw anything unusual," reports Doggett.

Frohike says, "We interviewed the safe house hostess and Nell and Ken again, in case there was something they forgot to tell us. We had someone dust the SUV for prints..."Nada!"

Outside the Lone Gunmen’s Apartment, Friday, December 14, 2001, it is a cold, rainy night. Inside, Frohike and Byers work quietly at their computer stations. Jimmy dances by, announcing he and some friends are going to try a new bar. He asks them if they'd like to come. They decline. He he asks them again, but this time playfully promising he'll have them home by "their bedtime." They decline again, and Byers says, "The weather reports said it might turn to snow later. Drive carefully!" Jimmy grins, "I heard that report, too. I have a heavy coat...and I'll be careful!" He puts on a lined raincoat and leaves.

Later the same night, slushy snow has begun to accumulate in the alley entrance to the office/home of the Gunmen. A mysterious figure shrouded in a raincoat, muffler, and hat makes his way down the steps. He looks around as if to see if he has been followed. He knocks on the door. Frohike and Byers, awakened, make their way to the door, wrapping themselves in bathrobes. Frohike asks who it is.

“It"s Kurtzwiel, Dr. Alan Kurtzweil..."

Frohike turns to Byers, bewildered. Byers unplugs a lamp and hides by the side of the door. Frohike opens all the locks, but keeps some of chains on.

Frohike gasps, "It IS you...just like the pictures on your dust jackets…"

""You know my work?” Kurtzwiel says, wide-eyed, and somewhat pleased, as Frohike undoes all the chains and lets him in. Byers puts the lamp back down and re-plugs it in.

"Uhhh...well...we also published your Obituary..." mumbles Byers.

"Thanks," says Kurtzweil, as if they had said they’d done a feature article. "Very nice of you..." He stamps his feet on the mat. He hands Frohike his coat and hat as if Frohike were his valet. Byers re-locks the door. Kurtzweil then walks around the apartment work space. His blue eyes are opened wide and his gaze seems to be wandering. His eyes don't move at the same pace, either. There are stacks of "The Magic Bullet" on top of a long table. He walks along the table, eyeing/eyeing the stacks. Finally he seems to have come to a conclusion.

"So, you publish a newspaper?" Kurtzweil picks an issue up off a stack. He scans/scans it. The lead story and picture are about an odd-looking sort of headgear that enable the wearers to...Kurtzweil drops the paper back on the stack and stares/stares off into space for several seconds. He mumbles something, then turns sharply as if surprised to see/see Frohike and Byers standing in their own apartment.

"So, you're not here to subscribe, or offer an op-ed piece?" prompts Frohike.

There’s a noise at the door. Kurtzweil jumps back.

Byers unlocks the door and Bond comes in. Frohike and Byers greet him. Kurtzweil stares/stares at Bond. He says, "No, I"' here about a friend of yours...I was asked to deliver a message...Langly?" He looks/looks around. "His name is Langly?"

"You know where Langly is? You know who’s holding him?" says Bond. He has removed his wet coat and hat and has hung them up. He comes closer to the odd gentleman.

Kurtzweil sneers, "Oh, they didn't tell me but I know who it is all right..." Kurtzweil leans in towards Byers and Frohike. They lean in. Bond leans in, too. It’s a lean-in. They exchange meaningful look/look looks among them.

Suddenly Kurtzweil jumps and turns. Behind him, but several feet away, is a table that has a phone and several piles of newspapers on it. He strides over to the table and stares/stares at the phone, wrinkling his brow and squinting one eye, as if the phone means something he can’t quite remember.

He turns and once again seems surprised to see/see people in their own house. He directs a look/look at the ceiling above the heads of the other three. Bond follows his gaze/gaze, bewildered. Kurtzweil suddenly focuses/focuses sharply with both eyes on Byers and Frohike, "After the Cold War, the Soviet government sold most of their military equipment to a murky syndicate semi-connected to the Canadian Milita..."

"The One-World Domination Conspiracy!” Byers and Frohike squeak, as one.

"They’ve got Langly?" exclaims Frohike.

"Would that it was they!!!" shrieks Kurtzweil. One eye is rolling wildly in its socket. The other eye is looking intently somewhere else. He crosses back across the room in three great strides and grabs Frohike by the lapels of his bathrobe. "No, no! It’s a thousand times worse! Langly is being held by...(he checks around the room, and his voice drops to a frightened whisper...…The One-World Domination Conspiracy Women's Auxiliary!"

Byers swoons. Bond catches Byers and maneuvers his limp body into an office chair. There's lots of squeaking and castor-rolling sounds as Bond must keep the chair in place under Byers using his legs and feet while he lowers Byers down.

Kurtzweil lets go of Frohike, who falls, luckily, back against the long table. He catches himself there, breathing heavily. Kurtzweil manages to put both eyes in the same general direction. As luck would have it, it's where Byers and Bond are. Byers is semi-conscious. Bond has run to the sink and wet a handkerchief which he pats on Byer's face. Byers moans, "The One-World Domination Conspiracy...Women's Auxiliary! This is...this is...awful...they’re... they’re...ruthless..."

Kurtzweil counters, "No, no! I talked with someone named Ruth! Look, they'll trade Langly for the lightning," Kurtzweil, turns back to Frohike. Bond has wet a second handkerchief and is applying it to Frohike. "But no pol'ce, no FBI...just you guys and them," continues Kurtzweil. Suddenly Kurtzweil reacts as if he’s a dog that's just heard a dog whistle. "Well, that’s all." Crossing the remainder of the office space in another series of great strides, Kurtzweil takes his outerwear, swiftly unlocks all the doors and leaves. Bond continues his ministrations to Byers and Frohike.

The next day Yves Adele Harlow drops by. She slinks in past Bond, who has opened the door for her. She musses up Byers hair before settling herself in Frohike's lap. "I might have some information on the googolplex chip," she purrs in a kittenish way while stroking his chest hairs. "I could trade you that information for whatever information you're researching right now," she says, pointing to a logo on Frohike's computer that features a large red maple-leaf. Her hand returns to his chest.

"Uhhhh..." says Frohike, breaking into a sweat. She has cupped his head in her hands and is making little circles on the sides of his head with her fingertips.

"Oh no you don't," admonishes Bond, chuckling, "Yves Aele, you're always trying to get us to give you information. Your tricks won’t work. We're way too smart..."

Yves had begun to nibble Frohike's earlobes. Frohike wipes his brow with Bond's handkerchief, which was left on the table the night before. His words come quickly. "Uhhh...Langly was abducted by the One-World Domination Conspiracy Women's Auxiliary. We think their headquarters might be located in a parallel universe, not exactly a real place but a world that's a lot like our own, but more to the north, and colder..." Frohike finishes off, "We have to trade Flicker to get him back."

Yves Adele slithers off Frohike's lap, and, grabbing the latest issue of "The Magic Bullet" from one of the stacks, coos, "Ohh! A new issue!" Then she quickly exits, blowing them all a kiss.

Bond stands with his hands on his hips. “Well, darn it all, Frohike! You spilled your beans! You were supposed to make an get something for that information!"

"I did...I did...I got...'scuse me!" Frohike mumbles incoherently and heads off to the bathroom. The sound of the shower coming on is heard.

Byers and Bond discuss what Frohike might mean by this. Byers decides that Frohike will probably tell them more about what he "got" when the time is right. Bond enthusiastically agrees and they both get back to work.

On another set of attic steps, two sets of work boots and blue jeans ascend the staircase and go to a darkened area. A third person stands in the darkness. Suddenly there is a blinding flash!

Four days later, two sets of work boots and blue jeans, followed by men's dress shoes and pinstripe trousers descend steps. Frohike, Bond and Byers are again returning to the basement office, and Frohike again scoops up and brings the mail over to the table. In with several pieces of junk mail is another brown envelope. Inside it are directions to a meeting place where the exchange will take place. Flicker is to be delivered in an insulated picnic cooler, secured by duct tape. A picture of Langly with the latest issue of "The Magic Bullet" propped up on his lap is enclosed, as insurance that he is still alive.

"That's strange," says Frohike. "The paper didn’t hit the stands until yesterday and yet this envelope is postmarked from the day before yesterday."

The three check through their subscription list for any addresses near the city on the postmark. They decide the mystery is unsolvable at present.

The next day, The three set off in the VW for the appointed meeting place. When they leave the Washington area, it is a clear cold day. As they travel north, the sky becomes overcast and dark. They turn onto a state road.

They follow the directions enclosed in the envelope, but after several twists and turns, they lose all sense of compass direction. They discover that not only does the clock on the VW dashboard not work (no surprise...it didn't work when they bought the van…) but their watches have stopped.

They have long since turned off on to a narrow winding road. Night and day seem to be as one. It has become very, very dark. It has become very, very cold. It has become very, very dark and very, very cold. It is very, very north, as well. As they drive, they postulate that they might be in the shadowy non-real world operated by the murky Syndicate, a virtual reality place known as "Le Royaume Dur."

Now they are on a dirt road. They progress slowly, for now everything is covered in impenetrable fog. Intermittent views of the landforms reveal the area to be like what you might find along a very great lake. Occasionally they can dimly see some marshes, now politically correctly called wetlands.

Sud"enly, directly in front of them is a large tent. Byers halts abruptly. "This is the place!” says Frohike. Frohike, Byers and Bond get out of the VW van. Frohike carries the insulated picnic cooler secured by duct tape that holds Flicker. They enter the tent. A large panel truck is parked at the opposite entrance of the tent.

"They’ve stopped!" yells Agent SecondAgent to Agent Doggett. Agent Doggett quickly stops their car, and puts his finger to his lips. "Sorry!" Agent SecondAgent apologizes in a whisper. The two Agents have been following the VW van with their headlights off. Doggett backs the car off the sandy road into some scrub. “We can follow them on foot.” he says quietly. They get out and cautiously approach the tent.

In the tent, Frohike Byers and Bond meet with the principal members of The One-World Domination Conspiracy Women's Auxiliary. Frohike puts the cooler down on the ground in front of himself. Between them and the women are two tall poles that hold up the central portion of the tent.

The head of the Women's Auxiliary is dressed in a military-style women's suit which features a close fitted scarlet wool jacket with epaulets and brass buttons complimented by dark blue riding pants accented by a yellow stripe. High leather boots, a low broad-brimmed felt hat, supple gloves and a riding quirt complete the ensemble.

Frohike feels he's seen this outfit somewhere before, perhaps in the Costumes and Customs of Many Nations book he had as a child? He's not sure.

A tall well-built young woman to the left of the leader is wearing a shepherdess outfit with a deep decollete, only instead of a crook, she has an automatic weapon. On the right, a second well-built woman wears a maid's costume, but instead of a feather duster, she has a powerful handgun.

"Greetings, 'Investigative Reporters,' sneers the woman at the front of the group who wears the riding outfit. "I am The Supreme Isis, head of The Women's Auxiliary of The One-World Domination Conspiracy. You may call me Supreme Isis, or Ma'm, as you wish."

Oh-I forgot to tell you. Byers has long since swooned again. Bond has eased him to the ground, and is administering another wet handkerchief from a stack of them in a sandwich baggie he's thought to bring along for just such an occasion. Byers is coming around.

The Supreme Isis continues, "I assume you can ask that ball lightning to make some noise?"

"Yes, Ma'm...Flicker, move the cooler!" orders Frohike, loudly. Flicker throws herself against one of the sides of the cooler. With a loud thump, the cooler skids sideways about eight inches. The Supreme Isis raises her hand and indicates toward the panel truck. The panel truck in back of the women is slightly at an angle. In the dark interior something moves. Suddenly Yves Adele emerges holding a gun on Langly.

"You...you traitor!" sputters Frohike. Yves Adele shrugs. Langly stands with his head down. At gunpoint, Langly’s Foo seems a lot less well Kung. The Supreme Isis commands, "Attachez le maigre ver Langly la!" (Tie the skinny worm Langly up there!") and indicates where Yves Adele can put Langly.

Interestingly, however, in the intervening time since his abduction, Langly's hair has grown back to page-boy length. In a mistake of Biblical proportions, The Supreme Isis causes Yves Adele to put Langly between the two main tent support poles.

(Yes!)

The Supreme Isis motions again, and commands, '"Bien, mes femmes puissantes de gueirre, apportent ces hommes idiots d'agent!" ("Well! my mighty warrior women, bring in these foolish agent men!") and two more well constructed women, wearing suits that might indicate they expect the surf to be up momentarily, enter with Doggett and SecondAgent in custody. Frohike, Byers and Bond are slack-jawed. The Supreme Isis indicates that Yves Adele tie them up, which she does.

The Supreme Isis gives Yves a very appreciative look, and says, "Merci, Yves, mon petit chou d'Amazon!" (Thank you, Yves, my little Amazon cabbage!")

"Now we have some bargaining chips with the FBI," remarks The Supreme Isis, with a very mean look on her face.

The Supreme Isis indicates that Yves Adele go fetch the cooler. Yves Adele takes the cooler from in front of the Lone Gunmen. They look angrily at her, but they are powerless.

The Supreme Isis rubs her hands together in greedy anticipation. "Power, power, power! Il n'y a pas de peut-être! Now the hand that rocks the cradle really rules the world! Or, (and she gives her handmaidens a sly look and a wink at this turn of phrase)...perhaps it is the hand that 'cradles the rock'...Ha, ha, ha!...Yes, now the planet is OUR mountain oyster…ha, ha, ha...yes. Cronyism? We'll show them "crone"-y-ism! Ha…ha...!"

As The Supreme Isis crows on in this really obnoxious vein, Doggett whispers to SecondAgent, "Hey...this is a slip-knot...twist your left hand out to the side...grab the open end?" Doggett catches Langly's attention and he and SecondAgent show him that they have untied themselves, but are pretending to be tied. Langly works on his knot, then indicates in a nod that he is free. Has Yves Adele pulled a trick on the Women's Auxiliary, or was she just never a Girl Scout? Neither Langly nor the Agents might be able to answer that.

Now Doggett and SecondAgent jump up and somehow knock all the guns from all the women guards. They grab two of the guns. The guards back away.

"Yaaaaaa!!!!!!!!"

Everyone looks up at this point. Having given a mighty yell, Langly stands with the two main supporting tent poles uprooted in his hands. He pulls downward. The bigtop is on its way down!

Before the tent completely envelops her, and, unseen by anyone in the tent, Yves Adele rips the duct tape seal from around the top of the cooler and opens the lid. Flicker zips out. The Women's Auxiliary are already out of the tent and are scrambling into the panel truck. Before they close all the doors, Flicker is able to zap them each several times on the butt.

They clamber in screaming, close and lock the doors, and roar off up the road. Through the truck window, The Supreme Isis shakes her fist angrily. "Curses," she mouths, barely audible through the window, "Foiled again!"

Now Flicker zips back and inspects the collapsed tent, in a worried way. Yves Adele is first to emerge. She moves in a no-nonsense way to her fine car and, after removing the camouflage netting and stowing it, takes off back down the road.

Now Doggett and SecondAgent emerge. The last time Flicker met up with Agent Doggett, he tried to take her away from Ken. She still has some "issues" with him about that. As she zips towards his butt, Agent SecondAgent steps in-between. From his vantage point of running as fast as he can towards the rental car, and only occasionally looking back, Agent Doggett sees that Agent SecondAgent has produced a folded paper-clipped packet of papers from an inside pocket of his coat, and is showing several parts of this packet of documents to a wildly flickering Flicker. They part. Flicker returns to the collapsed tent.

Agent SecondAgent strolls over and gets into the passenger side of the rental car, re-folding and putting the document back inside his coat pocket.

Doggett says, "Flicker...she was coming to zap me! What did you show her that diverted her interest?"

Doggett says, "The one with the twitch?"

SecondAgent nods, "Exactly...maybe you've seen pictures of him? We're identical cousins..."

Agent SecondAgent, "No, actually he's looking for someone to play either the top or bottom half of Elvis in his sequel to the re-make of "Charro." Having a ball lightning that can bring in extra power from someplace else would be a big plus, though, during those rolling electrical blackouts L.A. has been experiencing.

Doggett is impressed with the resourcefulness of his partner. He accelerates, for the fog has lifted. "Does he...your cousin...does he ever need tough cop types?" The car turns a corner.

Langly, Frohike and Byers crawl out, and, since their van is next to the tent, they get in. Langly guides Flicker onboard also, and they are underway back down the road.

Flicker keeps flickering like crazy in everyone’s face. Finally Langly says, "Wait...She’s trying to tell us something! What is it, Flicker...What are you trying to tell us, girl?"

Frohike dope-slaps his own forehead.

The van screeches to a halt, then backs up until it reaches a place where it can be turned around.

Back at the tent, Bond is still thrashing inside the tent, crying out, "Hey you guys! Guys?"

The Gunmen Group goes to meet up with Nell and Ken near their current safehouse. Langly, Nell and Ken, in Nell's SUV and the other two Gunmen, in the VW bus, travel to Gunnison, CO, to the Uncle and Aunt's place and from there to Gunnison Mountain, and everyone does get to see Flicker released into the wild.

They go back to Nyack N.Y., and Ken turns himself in. In Nyack, this is a scandal! People who have known Nell and Ken all their lives come forward and denounce the FBI. "Has the FBI run out of real criminals?" angrily intones the editorial columnist of the local newspaper. Ken's case comes to trial, but both the Prosecutor and the Defense counsel, in simply presenting witnesses from "The Magic Bullet Newsletter" and "The X-Files FBI Paranormal Investigation Team" manage to discredit both sides. The Judge throws the whole thing out. Ken’s lawyer confides to Nell, that, in chambers, she described the whole thing as "carnival clowns with sparklers, waving them at the childrens' section and going, "Wooooo! Whooooo! Scary Monsters!" He's glad for the verdict, but isn't so pleased that it comes at a cost to his professional reputation. When they get back to the apartment, Nell calls her Brother and Sister-in-Law, and then calls the Principal of Ken’s school, Nyack Middle School. Of course Dr. Samara, and all of the teachers, have been following Ken's trial intensely, hoping he will be found innocent of wrongdoing. Dr. Samara asks Mrs. Mclaughlin to keep Ken out the first day of back at school after Winter Break. She says she will ask all of the teachers to have a class lesson on how our judicial system works, and how Ken's trial is an example of "the system working as it ought to work." Nell also calls Mr. Grant, Ken’s homeroom teacher, and Mrs. Gingrich and Mr. Robertson, his Computer Club teachers with the good news.

Leila (May 7, 2001)

You may contact me at leilafile@hotmail.com

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