Agents Scully, Mulder, and Fowley are seated, arrayed in front of Acting Director Kersh's desk. It looks like a typical scolding is in the offering.

Acting Director Kersh clears his throat and begins "It has come to my attention that you three are in what is usually described as a love triangle? Is this so?" All three shift uncomfortably. Scully mounts a defense, "Sir, we haven't let this affect our work. In fact...""In fact, Agent Scully, isn't this Form #7702?" Agent Scully grimaces as Acting Director Kersh turns the form over. On the blank side is a very uncomplementary caricature of a curvy brunette labeled "Agent Foul-Breath." Agent Fowley's eyes flash at Scully. Agent Scully hangs her head. "Yes Sir," she says meekly. Acting Director Kersh continues, "And we have discovered the source of those strange messages on your answering machine, Agent Scully." "HAH! I thought so! You nasty witch!" Scully directs this at a scowling Agent Fowley, who sits, arms folded in a defiant posture. "I oughta snatch you bald-headed!" hisses Scully. Mulder begins to look for a way out of "between."

"That will be enough from both of you!" commands Acting Director Kersh. "As it turns out, I have the unpleasant duty of informing you that this whole romantic affair must immediately cease. It's illegal."

"What?" all three agents speak as one.

Acting Director Kersh rises and goes over to the window and looks off into the distance, "Yes. You heard me. Illegal." He half-turns back towards the three. "I suppose, in all the time you've worked here, Agent Scully, it has never occurred to you to check your DNA against Agent Mulder's?" He completes the turn, and is facing the Agents. He slams his both hands down on the desk and leans toward Agent Scully. "Well! HAD you done that, you would have discovered that it would be against State Law for you to marry Agent Mulder, as you are half-brother and sister!"

"What?" yell Mulder and Scully together.

Agent Fowley's eyes brighten. Kersh turns to her. "....As THEY ARE related to YOU!" he says, indicating Mulder and Scully and then Fowley.

All three sit slack-jawed.

Acting Director Kersh turns back to the window, "You know," he says softly to the vertical blinds, but not to any one of the slats in particular, so we know he's still talking to the Agents, "(takes breath, pauses dramatically,)...we all still think of motherhood as on a pedestal, even in these times..." He shakes his head sadly, turns and says, bluntly, "Neither of you women could marry Mulder, nor Krychek, nor even Skinner,...nor...me..."

Acting Director Kersh then reveals to them that EVERYONE, EVERYONE that works at FBI Headquarters, EVERYONE from the Giftshop Salesclerk to the Bomb Squad, EVERYONE from the Mailroom Staff to the Director, EVERYONE and their brothers and sisters as well, EVERYONE, EVERYONE was fathered by The Cigarette Smoking Man.

11/9/99

Post Script: (11/10/02) Actually, Acting Director Kersh was wrong about Scully and Mulder not being able to be married. Well, only about Mrs. Scully, actually. Scully finds this out by confronting her mom about the CSM and gets herself slapped so hard both eyes end up in one socket for about fifteen minutes. As Mrs. Scully relates, "Well I can't speak for that Mulder woman, but when that smelly cigarette creep started showing up around here, I fixed it so your father was upstairs with a shillelagh he'd been soaking in number ten oil for three weeks..."

So, Scully and Mulder can get married!