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| The Sturgeon View By: Benzilla
Today's Quote Taken Outta Context:
On Tap For This Column:
-Brewers v. Cubs Review [Ya know, b/c I'm a fan..and that entitles me to tell them how to do things]
Pull out your dolla bills, yo...here we go. So recently {last Tuesday?) Izzy Awsome and myself made the 2 and half hour journey to Miller Park to watch the Cubs take on the Brewers. Cubs fan to Brewers fan ratio: 1000 to 1! If Wrigly Field ever got a faceover to look like Miller Park...moved to Milwakee and was renamed Miller Park, this is what it'd look like. So Izzy and I walk everywhere around Miller Park. Its really really FRIGGIN huge. I marked out, its a nice looking park. So game starts getting going...Sosa gets alot heat from the crowd over his cork bat incident. GET OVER IT DAMN IT! Christ, you know this is going to be just like the Montrel screwover...people will never get over it. Anyways, Sosa BOMBS one out. Sure, now the Park loves Sosa. And then some other stuff happened...like people who took swings at the ball and as that Brewer's scoreboard team put up on the scoreboard "fanned out". I call that a strike out but that's just me. In any case, Cubs lose 3-1..and cost me 2 cases of soda...it is too soda asshole. Really...maybe not. I'm lieing. Why does Izzy suck? Because he's now taken 3 cases of beersoda from me. Would have been 2 pitchers too, but I drank a whole jar of pickle juice to cancel them out. It was gross. We tailgated outside of the Park in the parking lot too...thus the pickles. Tailgating is pretty fun, even better when cops are more concerned with underage drinking then the scalpers who are illegal, the hobos on the street playing music who proabbly have a better car then me and live in a bigger house, and the jerkoffs trying to sell you shit while acting all buddy buddy. But I digress. I know I should hype up the upcomming ACW:NWA show (even more so becasue there might only be 3 left?) however, I'm hyping up the September 4th show in Denmark at THE COOP. Why? Because Dan-o-Mac and myself will be celebrating 1 year in ACW:NWA. Its not quite one year, but as close to a year as the show is going to be. Funny how a year later and the show is in Denmark again. In anycase, as to not frown upon the ongoing rumors and what not of the promotion closing, Dan-O and I...and my mom..will all be tailgating before the show. Waaaay before the show, as to not interfer with anyone who may be setting up for the show. If you'd like to be apart of the big 1 year bash, bring something to eat or drink to share. All are invited too it. Hopefully the Coop is down with the idea? One hellva year its been for me really. I went to just showing at the show and watching to being involved, to helping Ya know, even though I'm a pretty huge Cubs fan, I can sit and laugh at my own "favorite" team..with that said:
And now because I paid 5 bucks to watch it, I'm now going to give you a movie to advoid. This "Open Water" movie...first, the production is shit. Bunch of camera angles that literally make you think someones hiding in the bushes taping it all. Besides, they way over play the as they say, "Primal instict" that your stuck in the middle of the ocean with no lights no car no electricity. Hey, that's the wrong movie. Shit. Anyways, a bunch of times these people try waving for boats and planes with no luck. Then sharks start swimming around them. Finally the shark kills one of them in the middle of a thunderstorm. The other person dumps off the body in hopes that the sharks will leave her alone...instead a whole school of sharks are around her so she just commits suicide. Which poses the question, okay so they both die right? How does the story become "based off true facts". Easy, someone caught a shark and opened it up to find...the underwater camera! Its almost like the "It was me Austin! It was me all along!" line Vince dropped back when wrestling was hot. Anyways, lackluster movie with subpar production. And now I'm going to whore out some stuff. Like next Friday at Hanarahns (again, I could careless about spelling) at 7 to bar close..and if the bytch is there I'm guessing 1am SHARP you...yes bitches, YOU can get drunk with Abyss and The Naturals..and "The Stars of ACW:NWA" whoever that may be. I bet they'll be people that make you say "God damn, I just wanna spend all my money here..and then go to the show tomarrow and bring everyone I know with me"...or something. And despite me having to work at 11pm until 7am (and then go straight to Shawnao to do whatever the Jew needs me to do) I will be there from like 7ish until 10ish. Other stuff to whore out..umm..tomarrowish I'll maybe think about possibly writting my spell checked kid friendly STD free column for posting upon the offical ACW:NWA site, I decided that I'm going to take some advice I saw written on a message board and rename my column there, by dropping the Verison 2 gimmick I've attached to the "Sturgeon View" and renaming it: "The Sturgeon View: A Gimmick Change". 2 points to whomever figures it out first. You read my column? Really? And you wanna get yourself in on the "Putting me over" goodness that is the Sturgeon View column? Email me with some comments or something..I'll post it. I'm low on content. So there you have it, the 10th Sturgeon View column. Proving that even knuckle dragging nice heads who are marks, Star War geeks, and whatever other analogy or adjective you have can handle the pressure of offering you a column to read ten times over. Click This To Email Feedback to Benzilla
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