Buffy (After a successful spell): Willow, check you out! Witch-Fu.
Dracula: Very impressive hunt. Such power.
Buffy: That was no hunt. That was just another day on the job. Care to step up for some overtime?
Dracula: We're not going to fight.
Buffy: Do you know what a Slayer is?
Dracula: Do you?
Buffy: Who are you?
Dracula: I apologize. I assumed you knew. I am Dracula.
Buffy: Get out!
Buffy: And you're sure this isn't just some fanboy thing? 'Cause I've fought more than a couple pimply, overweight vamps that called themselves Lestat.
Dracula: Why else would I come here? For the sun? I came to meet the renowned killer.
Buffy: Yeah, I prefer the term Slayer. You know, killer just sounds so...
Buffy: Like I paint clowns or something. I'm the good guy remember?
Buffy: You think I don't watch your movies? You always come back. (Dracula begins to materialize again.) I'm standing right here!
Riley: So tell me about the bad guy. Or guys - who do you think they were?
Riley: How many?
Riley: So what, was he like a Super Vampire or something?
Buffy: No, he was the regular kind. He just beat me.
Dawn: C'mon, who's the man?
Buffy: You are. A very short, annoying man.
Dawn: When do I get to patrol?
Buffy: Not until you are never!
Spike: Come on. I can feel it, Slayer. You know you wanna dance.
Buffy: Say it's true. Say I do want to. (She pushes him to the ground.) It wouldn't be you, Spike. It would never be you. (She throws the cash at him.) You're beneath me.
Riley: What can you tell me about Dracula?
Spike: Dracula? Poncy bugger owes me £11, for one thing.
Riley: I'm out to find him before he gets another shot at her.
Spike: Tough talk cowboy, but you're not gonna catch him napping in a crypt. No, the Count has to have his luxury estate, and his bug-eaters, and his special dirt, doesn't he?
Riley: So you're saying I should check out mansions, that sort of thing?
Spike: No, I'm saying you should go home to your superhoney; have a nice, safe snog.
Spike: As I thought: Some nasty thing got a taste of you.
Buffy: Don't get all excited. I'm fine.
Spike: Oh, right. Stuck in a dark corner with a creature you loathe, digging up past uglies, 'cause you're fine.
Buffy: Were you born this big a pain in the ass?
Spike: What can I tell you, baby? I've always been bad.
Male Partygoer (reading William's poetry): "My heart expands/ 'tis grown a bulge in't/ inspired by/ your beauty effulgent." Effulgent?
2nd Male Partygoer: And that's actually one of his better compositions.
Female Partygoer: Have you heard? They call him William the Bloody because of his bloody awful poetry!
Cecily: I'm going to ask you a very personal question. And I demand an honest answer. Do you understand?
Cecily: Your poetry, it's... they're... not written about me, are they?
William: They're about how I feel.
Cecily: Yes, but are they about me?
William: Every syllable.
Cecily: Oh God!
William: I know I'm a bad poet, but I'm a good man. All I ask is that... is that you try to see me-
Cecily: I do see you - that's the problem! You're nothing to me, William. (She stands and looks down at him.) You're beneath me.
Buffy: So you traded up on the food chain. Then what?
Spike: No, please! Don't make it sound like something you'd flip past on the Discovery Channel. Becoming a vampire is a profound and powerful experience. I could feel this new strength coursing through me. Getting killed made me feel alive for the very first time.
Spike: Oh, I'm sorry, did I sully our good name? We're vampires.
Spike: Lesson the first: A Slayer must always reach for her weapon. (He puts his vamp face on.) I've already got mine.
Spike: "Beneath me." I'll show her. Six bloody feet beneath me. Hasn't got a death wish? Bitch won't need one.
Dawn (voice-over): I don't think Buffy's Watcher likes me too much. I think its 'cause he's just so... old. I'm not sure how old he is, but I've heard him use the word "newfangled" one time, so he's got to be pretty far gone.
Dawn (voice-over): Riley, my sister's boyfriend, is so into her. Always kissing... and groping. I bet they've even had sex.
Giles: Oh, good show Giles. At least you didn't get knocked out for a change.
Buffy: How bored were you last year?
Giles: I watched Passions with Spike. Let us never speak of it.
Giles: Yes well the uh... the problem is that after a final battle, it uh... it's difficult to get any um... well the-the-the Slayer's not... she's rather um—
Buffy: It's okay to use the "D" word, Giles.
Giles: Dead. And hence not very forthcoming.
Buffy: Why didn't the Watchers keep fuller accounts of it? The journals just stop.
Giles: I suppose if they're anything like me, they just found the whole subject too uh—
Buffy: Unseemly? Damn. Love ya, but you Watchers are such prigs sometimes.
Giles: Painful, I was going to say.
Xander: I'm exhausted just looking at those two. All this splashing, and jumping, and running... shouldn't relaxing involve less exertion?
Anya: Absolutely. Exertion can lead to sweatiness.
Tara: Which can cause the pain and heartbreak of stinkiness. Better to just stay put.
Willow: I think we just put the finger on why we're the sidekicks.
Willow: There you go, all set.
Giles: Thank you, Willow. Obstinate bloody machine simply refused to work for me.
Willow: Just call me the Computer Whisperer.
Giles: Willow, it's essential that we begin to archive the library. I mean, most of these texts have no duplicates.
Willow: But... now? Doesn't winter seem more like archiving season?
Willow: Now that I know there's something to know, I can't not know, just because I'm afraid somebody will know I know. You know?
Giles: Did that mean yes?
Tara: You thought Dracula was sexy?
Willow: Oh! No. He - He was... yuck.
Anya: Right, except for the whole tall, dark, and handsome thing. Yuck-o.
Xander: How would you know?
Anya: Ah, we hung out a few times. Back in my demon days, you know, once or twice. He's pretty cool. (sighs) You know, from a whole evil-thing perspective.
Xander: It's comforting to know that I lack the culinary finesse of a caveman.
Xander: Nice. Look who's got a bad case of Dark Prince envy.
Dracula: I have no interest in you. Leave us.
Xander: No, we're not going to (imitates Dracula's accent) leave you. And where'd you get that accent Sesame Street? One, two, three - three victims. Mwah, ha, ha, ha!
Buffy: Xander, I'm pretty sure that's Dracula.
Xander: Wow, really? Hey, sorry, man, I was... just jokin' around.
Willow: Well, I think we have Dracula factoids.
Xander: Like any of that's enough to fight the Dark Master. (They look at him) Bator.
Xander: Master, I deliver the Slayer. She who you most desire. Sorry, whom.
Xander: Hey, Riley! What's the (imitates Riley's hand signal) all about?
Riley: It means yell real loud so the vampires who don't know we're coming will have a sporting chance.
Xander (to Willow): See now he's all mad and sarcastic.
Joyce: He seemed so nice and normal... a little pale.
Willow: A good Sunnydale rule of thumb - avoid white-skinned men in capes.
Joyce: I'm not like this. I don't invite strange men over for coffee. It's just... oh, when you girls are older you'll understand. It's hard to date. Sometimes you just feel like giving up on men all together.
Riley: I've lived in Sunnydale a couple of years now. Know what I've never noticed before?
Giles: Uh, a castle?
Riley: A big, honking castle.
Buffy: Plans? We planned plans?
Riley: Well, you said, "Come over tomorrow and we'll hang." And then I said, "Okay." Not the invasion of Normandy, but still a plan.
Buffy: I can't believe I passed out. Do you think I'm a total wuss now?
Riley: Oh, yeah. I like a girl who can play a few hard sets of tennis with a major stab wound.
Buffy: You said it wasn't that bad.
Riley: I said I've seen worse. There's a difference.
Vampire (holding the stake that he used to injure Buffy): They ought to put this in a museum.
Riley: You know what they put in museums? Mostly dead things.