I'm Not Losing You
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A Story of Dedication to Those I Love
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Sitting at a table, watching the anti-climactic fountain send up its bursts of water, Samantha and I both had a little something to eat. I got Subway, from the same guy who gave me my food whenever I worked, and now knew me by name. Looking around, we noticed some girls wandering the mall that we had seen before at the Vi3 gig. They were still giggling and talking about the encounter with the guys. It was fun to listen to everything that they had so say. You could tell by their hand gestures that they were imitating some of the things that the guys did, like how they hugged them, shook their hands or even smiled. It was entertaining. I looked at the rolls of film on the table next to my food, looked up at Samantha, and said,
“You have NO idea how badly I want to get these back.” She looked back at me, laughed, and said,
“Yes, I think I do. See, only I know what that last picture is! So I want to see them just as bad!”
“God, what did you take that picture of?”
“Nothing! You’ll see! All I’m saying is that I better get my pudding!”
“Oh my god…do I even WANT to know? What so-called proof did you get this time? And how fake is it?”
“Oh, it’s definitely not fake!” She was still laughing. I shook my head and went back to eating my turkey sub.
“Whatever. I guess I’ll see it later today. Are you ready to go then?”
“Yeah, let’s head out.” And with that, we left the mall to go drop off our pictures.
We made it to Target in record time, handed the lady our film, telling her that we wanted these pictures developed EXTRA nice. Not like the one time where Osco decided to put two of Lucas in one picture and only half of Jackie in most of them…strange. She gave us a look like we were weird, and she agreed. I left Target with a big smile. Anticipating the pictures and thinking about how they would turn out. I just couldn’t wait to get them back.
Since we only had an hour, we decided to just go back and chill at my room for a little bit. This ended up just being an hour-long nap for me.
An hour later, Samantha and I were making our way back to Target. I counted my money for the third time, just to make sure I had enough. Which I did. Thankfully. We walked hurriedly into Target and to the photo counter, each step seeming too slow. The lady at the counter smiled and held up the envelopes with out photos in them. Samantha and I both smiled back. We quickly paid and asked how they turned out.
“They turned out beautifully.” She reassured us. I held onto them before Sam could take them from my hands.
“I want to seeee!!!!” She squealed at me.
“You’ll just have to wait.” I said, walking out the door, towards my car. I opened the door, and sat down, unlocking her door without even looking at it, because I was too preoccupied with opening the envelopes. She slid into the car, and looked over my shoulder. I opened the first package and flipped through, looking at all the shots from the signing and admiring how cute they were. I kept looking through all of them and smiling, and then I got to the ones of afterwards. The ones where we just hung out. I immediately slowed down the pace of my flipping, and I smiled even bigger. I laughed at some of them because they were somewhat strange; like the one that Lucas took, lifting me off the ground. It’s so cute, but so funny all at the same time. They all were. I saw the one of me and Justin, the “cuter” one, and I smiled. This was the first time I have ever taken a picture with him and I haven’t thought I looked like a total dork. It was a big thrill for me, because usually I look so stupid in our pictures. But it was really cute! In fact, all of them turned out nicely and I was excited!
“So where is this infamous proof you speak of?” I asked Sam, flipping through the last of the pictures. Then I stopped. I looked at the very last picture. My eyes got huge and my mouth dropped open.
“Oh my god that looks really bad!” I commented. Sam took the picture out of my hands and bust out laughing, staring at the strange picture. In the photo, I was on the ground, wearing Justin’s jacket. And of course, she had to take the picture while he was tackling me, trying to get it back. So the picture was basically Justin pinning me to the ground. Needless to say, no one was going to see this picture. I clutched it to me and just turned bright red.
“You are a big time dork!” I yelled at Sam. I could not believe she took that picture. It looked so…bad. She was still laughing.
“Oh my god I have to show him that!” She giggled.
“No way! Noooo waaaay!” I said in return. There was no way anyone was seeing that picture. Just because of how it looks. Oh boy.
I put the pictures back in the envelope and drove back to my dorm. I had to get some things together so I could go home for the weekend.
It was now a week later, and Rachel was finally back. I was walking up the front yard to her door. I stopped by to show her the pictures. She opened the door, and as usual, I was greeted by Rachel and her mother, chilling in the front room, listening to B96 on the radio.
“How was Miami?” I asked.
“It was fun. We wish we could have gone to the signing…but it was fun.” I held up my pictures and said,
“Well I’ve got the next best thing I guess.” I handed her the pictures to look at. She flipped through them slowly, examining each one. As she looked through them, Mardy was asking us how everything went and what happened. We gave her the play by play and when we got to the last part…our extra time…Sam and I looked at each other. We laughed a little bit, and went on with the story. By the end, I could tell they both wanted to beat us with the nearest piece of rolled up newspaper. And just as we finished telling the story, Rachel was getting to the pictures from that extra time.
“Oh…my…god. What in the world is this?” She said, holding up the last picture. I put my face in my hands.
“That picture looks so bad! No one is supposed to see that!” I turned red.
“Ok, why is Justin laying on you?” Mardy asked.
“She stole his coat, so he tackled her to the ground trying to get it back. It was really funny, but the picture looks SO bad.” Sam was cracking up again.
“His mama better not see this one.” Mardy joked. I definitely agreed with that one. She took the rest of the pictures and started to flip through them. After finishing them, she went into the other room to go on the computer. Rachel, Sam and I stayed in the living room, going into more detail about the signing and how it all happened. We were telling her the story about how the girls outside were shouting at us and calling us nasty names, when we heard Rachel’s mom yell from the other room.
“You girls better not have any plans for the 18th of December…”
“Why?” Rachel yelled back.
“Come in here and read it for yourself.” Mardy replied. The three of us got up from the couch and walked into the room. On the screen was an email.
To: Everlonely22@aol.com
Subj: Your Vi3 Girl invitation, Everlonely22!
Attention Vi3 Girls! Mark this date now! December 18, 2003 in Chicago only! Vi3 will be doing a special performance at the House of Blues for Vi3 Girl members only. This exclusive show will take place at 5:00pm on December 18, and the price of admission is…FREE! Yes, you heard that right, admission is free to Vi3 Girl members. At the door, present your lanyard (given in your membership kit) along with your membership card (these are being sent within the next week) and that is good for ONE admission. DO NOT forget either item, or else we cannot let you in, even if your friend has her lanyard and card. Seating is general admission, so we advise you to get there EARLY! Doors open at 4:00 and the show begins at 5:00 sharp. We hope to see you there on December 18, Everlonely22!
“Oh god. That’s going to be INSANE!” I said. “We’re going to have to be outside waiting at like 3:00am the night before to get good seats!” I laughed.
“Well I’m totally willing to do that for a free show!” Said Rachel.
“Well I have to work until 1:00 that day, so do you want me to just meet you there?” Samantha asked.
“Well I guess so. Unless you plan on going with someone else that is.” Was Mardy’s response.
“Woo hoo! Free show!” I said, dancing around the room. It’s been a long time since there was one of those. I just can’t wait.
Flash forward to December 17. Tomorrow is the day of the Vi3 show. It’s been getting pretty hyped by people on the list, so we’re planning on getting there at sunrise, if not earlier. We were desperate for great seats, I guess. I was in my house, trying to pick out an outfit to wear. I had just cut my hair the night before, and nothing seems to be working for me. I picked up the phone and called up Samantha. She didn’t have to be at work today, so I figured I’d give it a try. She picked up the phone after a ring and a half.
“Hey.” She said.
“Hey. What are you up to right now?”
“Nothing, why?”
“Because I can’t figure out anything to wear. And I NEED to look good tomorrow.”
“Well come pick me up. I need to get out of this house anyway!” I could hear her family screaming in the background, like normal.
“Well can you get out here any other way?” I asked, trying to ignore the screams I heard.
“Nope…SHUT UP I’M ON THE PHONE!”
“Ok, remove phone from mouth THEN scream…”
“Ha ha sorry” She apologized.
“Well fine. I guess I’ll be out there in 15. See ya.” And I hung up the phone. I went downstairs and got into my car to go. It was so cold outside. I blasted the heat and drove the 15 minutes to her house. I didn’t want to get out of the car, so I just honked the horn, letting her know I was there. She eventually emerged from the house and hopped in the car.
“So, you’ve got to help me pick out an outfit. I can’t find anything to wear!” I said as we were driving. The whole way back to my house, we discussed what I could possibly wear. What haven’t they seen me already have on at a show? Because you know me, I can’t wear the same outfit twice…
We pulled into the driveway of my house and ran to the door because it was so cold. We rushed up the stairs to my room, hoping that my mom wouldn’t see me come in the door and hand me another thing to do around the house. We succeeded in that. Walking into my room, she noticed all the random clothes strewn across the floor that I had already tried on.
“Oh my god we’re going to be here forever.” She said to me sarcastically.
I must have tried on every outfit combination in my entire closet before deciding on one. I put it on and wondered why I hadn’t tried it on before. It was a pair of white corduroys, a black and silver sleeveless top, my white jacket with fur on the cuffs and collar, along with a black hat.
“Yep, this is definitely it!” I said, looking at myself in the mirror. “Definitely.”
“Finally! You decided!” Sam exclaimed. “You know, I think I’m going to call off work tomorrow. I really don’t want to work and don’t want to find you all later on after you’re in line.”
“Ok.” I said. It really didn’t matter to me what she did, as long as I knew where I was going to be! And I was going to be in that line as early as possible. In fact, I was so set on getting a great spot that I was going to be staying at Rachel’s tonight. And apparently so would Sam.
“You know, I’m going to call now.” She said. She picked the phone up off my dresser and called her work.
“See, I told you I’d call off! Now I guess I should call Rachel.” She called Rachel next to let her know that she would be staying the night. After her phone call I knew the first words out of her mouth.
“We’ve got to run by my house now. I have to get all my stuff together. So do you want to go now? Then we can just head straight to Rachel’s.” I agreed, but I had to get my stuff together first. I got everything I could possibly need. I got my outfit, my camera, film, pictures, my lanyard and Vi3 Girl ID card, anything I thought I would need. I was so excited.
The night was a long one, none of us could fall asleep because of how excited we were. It’s been a long time since they had a free show, and we were anticipating what it would be like to just have a show like the old days. We started telling stories about how we thought it would go. Maybe they would bring back some old songs, maybe they’d be a little more relaxed and it would just be a nice intimate show. But who knows?
By 10:00 am, we showed up at HOB, and there were only four people in line in front of us. They weren’t any fans that we knew, but we talked to them nonetheless. They were nice girls, but I couldn’t tell you their names. I had no idea.
We all spent our time just running back and forth between the nearest McDonald’s and HOB. Sending two of us to go get food at a time. It was a long, cold morning, and none of us it. We watched the line grow. More and more people got in line, amazed that they weren’t the first people there. Around 2:00, the line was already out the door and wrapping around the building. There were still two hours before they opened it up. I decided to sit on the floor and take a nice break to touch up my make up. I messed around with it until it was perfect. That took up about a half hour of the time that remained. For the last hour and a half of time, I tried chatting with some of the newer fans. It was weird to call them “new fans” because they have been around for around a year. But to me, they were still new. They were still newer than those of us who had been around since the beginning. And for some reason, the ones here were much less social and had much bigger attitudes than those of us who had been around for a while. It made no sense. I guess it was because they thought being a Vi3 Girl gave them the right to have an attitude. You would think that those of us who had been here for years would be more likely to have an attitude because we had our so-called “bragging rights” and the newbies didn’t. But it seemed to be the other way around. It seemed like the newbies thought that they had bragging rights because they had met them once. So us originals were pretty much sticking together. Even the few behind us were acting all special and giving us attitude. The four of us were talking about how the old days used to be, and the girls in line behind us started shooting us dirty looks.
“What are you talking about? You don’t KNOW Vi3. What makes you think you’re so special?” one of them had the nerve to say. We just ignored her and kept talking at first. Then I started talking about how I spent my 18th birthday with them, and the late night raid to Bloomingdale to deliver a Sammy. These girls just bust out laughing. I shot one of them a nasty look.
“Got a problem?” I inquired. She kept laughing and giggling with her friends.
“I just love how you guys make up these stories like you know them and then actually believe yourselves!”
“See, now I would find that funny too, if you were right. You have no idea how long we’ve known these guys for. So I suggest you keep your snotty little noses out of our business and go back to being a screaming teeny with nothing but dreams of becoming friends with them and leave us to actually LIVING OUT your dream.”
“Yeah….you’re friends with them. Ok.” She kept laughing and giving us attitude.
“You have NO idea. Do you have a clue how long we’ve known them personally? I’ll bet you don’t have a clue. I’ll bet you’ve never even met them yourselves and you’re nothing but jealous in hearing our stories.” I was getting really pissed at this girl. She was driving me nuts. She just kept shooting nasty looks at us and laughing because she didn’t believe me. I got so frustrated with her that I just blew up at her. “Look, whatever. Think what you want. I don’t care. I know what’s really true.” And then I just turned away from her and went about my conversation. They continued to talk behind our backs, but we just didn’t care anymore. Then I heard them start whispering to each other,
“Hey, isn’t that Justin’s mom?”
“Yeah! It is!” said another one.
“Oh my god let’s say hello!”
“No way! She doesn’t know who we are! She probably doesn’t care either.” Sam thought that this could be the perfect way to make these girls regret giving us attitude. I told her not to do it, but she did anyway.
“Oh come on! It will be fun!” She pleaded.
“Fine.” I sighed. “But you’re such a dork you know.”
“I know! But it’s fun!” She yelled out to Mrs. Roman just as she walked near us. “Hey mom! How are you?” Mrs. Roman looked at us, surprised that someone was actually having the courage to say hello…until she looked over and realized who it was.
“Oh hello girls! How are you?!” She came right over to us and gave each of us a hug. “Mya, honey, I love what you did with your hair!” She said, admiring my new cut and the bright pink streaks throughout the black.
“Oh thanks! I did this yesterday actually. Just for today!” I said.
“Well it’s adorable! Are you guys ready for this? You going to have a good time?”
“Of course we are. You know us!” Said Rachel, enthusiastically. “Is dad here?” She asked.
“Yeah, he’ll be here in a little while. You’ll probably see him too on his way in.” she replied.
“Well alright, I guess we’ll let you get going. Go in there and say hello to your son.” Mardy said to her. It was true, she probably wanted to go in there and see him before he went on stage.
“I’ll see you later girls! Have a great time!” She closed the conversation and gave us all more hugs. She walked off waving to us and went inside the room. I looked to the girls with the attitude problem and I saw them staring at us. The looks on their faces were full of disbelief, and jealousy at the same time.
“See. Believe what you want to believe.” I said to them, giving them as much attitude as they gave me. For once they said nothing. I was impressed, and I smiled.
For the last few minutes, we just kept to ourselves until they opened the door. We showed our “entry requirements” and raced to the front of the stage. We had prime seats. Front row, just to the right of center stage. I was happy with my spot. I just hoped the crowd wouldn’t get out of hand.
By 5:00, the room was filled with Vi3 Girl members, all anticipating the lights to dim and the guys to go on stage. No one knew what to expect. Who knew whether we would get the usual show, or maybe a special show? Then it happened. The lights slowly went down, and we heard the familiar start of their intro. The shrieks sailed through the air and the three of them emerged onto the stage. Their smiles lighting up the dark room, and threw the crowd into a frenzy. We got the normal show, leaving out a few things that really didn’t make much of a difference, just to keep things interesting. As the show went on, the crowd got more and more intense. It was starting to get hot. As the crowd tried to get closer and closer to the stage, the temperature got higher and higher. And I don’t work too well in situations like this. That is definitely the one disadvantage to being that close. The pushing and the heat. It was hot. I was just sweating like you would not believe and I had bodies all around me, trying to push their way right through me to get to the stage. I had not eaten since the trip to McDonald’s at noon, and to make matters worse, I couldn’t find everyone I came with. Somehow, we had gotten separated and I was getting pushed and pushed into the stage barricade, and I felt like I was going to die or pass out. I tried so hard to watch their show and ignore my sick feeling, but I just couldn’t anymore. I looked up at them, and just as I looked to Justin, he looked me dead in the eye. They were just about to launch into “Eyes Closed So Tight.” Justin had a somewhat frightened look on his face when he saw the desperate plea for help on my face because of how I was starting to feel. I got flushed first, and then I could just feel myself getting paler and paler. He could tell I was about to pass out. So he looked to Jackie and Lucas and said something to them that I couldn’t make out. They both looked down at me, and they looked back to Justin and nodded. Justin looked back to me again as he introduced the next song.
“Well, we usually don’t do this much anymore, but since we’re in our hometown, and you are all our hometown Vi3 Girl members, we want to do something a little special. This next song was one of your favorites along with ours off of our last album, and it went to #1 because of you guys here in Chicago!” The crowd screamed, and pushed a little more. “And in honor of that, we wanted to thank each and every one of you for that…but we’re going to need a little help. Lucas, Jackie, I think we need to bring one girl up here for us to sing to. What do you say?” Jackie and Lucas both agreed.
“Now who are we going to pick?” Lucas said, walking back and forth across the stage.
“Hey, hey guys, I think I found one.” Jackie said, getting the attention of Justin and Lucas. He pointed in my general direction, and Lucas and Justin both looked, and nodded.
“Perfect!” they both said. Justin bent down to tell the security guard who he was going for. The pushing of the fans against the stage was getting insane and I could barely stand anymore. I was going to pass out, no question. All of a sudden, I saw a hand coming towards me, and felt another on my shoulder. I was being lifted all of a sudden. I thought to myself,
“No way. Oh now I’m definitely going to pass out.” Security lifted me from my tight spot and brought me up to the stage. I felt my heart start to beat faster and faster. I looked to them and smiled. They were looking back with a concerned, yet happy look on their faces. I walked towards them, and I didn’t feel like I was going to faint anymore. Well, maybe a little, but it definitely wasn’t for the same reason!
