I'm Not Losing You “They don’t even seem like real people anymore. They seem…untouchable. Fabricated. Almost imaginary.” I said to Samantha as she was sitting in the passenger seat of my car. It had been ten months, two weeks and three days since I last saw Justin, Lucas and Jackie. And now it’s September, just about October, and they were back home. Back in Chicago.
A Story of Dedication to Those I Love
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“Haven’t we gone through this before?” Samantha asked, blowing smoke out the window.
“Yeah, only it wasn’t Vi3 last time…you know, they’re going to yell at you for that.” I said, nodding towards the cigarette in her hand.
“Shut up!” She replied. “I’m going to pretend like I quit. They’ll never know the difference.”
I bust out laughing. “Yeah, THAT will go over well! Next thing you know, Lucas will be addressing your autograph to ‘Smoker’ again!”
“And I’ll kill him! ‘Cuz you know me and Lucas don’t get along.” She was trying to defend herself.
“Oh my god not this again. You two get along JUST fine. You just pretend to hate him.”
“What?! I do not! Why would I?”
“So Shannon doesn’t kick your ass.”
“Excuse me?!” She laughed.
“Oh come on. You want Lucas and you know it!” I gushed.
“Oh my god we are NOT having this argument.”
“Fine. Then you pick a new subject.”
There was a silence for a moment. Then a giggle slowly crept up in her throat and spilled out her mouth like a pop that was shaken and opened too soon.
“What?” I asked, knowing that she had a not-so-innocent thought in her head. It was either that or an embarrassing one.
“I was just thinking about how you froze up last time. After you saw Stevie in August of last year. I bet you’ll do it again tonight.”
“What? No I won’t!” I replied, doubting my own words. Because who knows? I haven’t seen them in such a long time. I mean, I’ve gone to see them perform, but haven’t actually talked to them or hugged them in so long. Almost a year in fact. Maybe she was right. One second I’ll be standing there all excited to see them, and as it gets closer and closer to them coming out to the table, I would start to get nervous. Not nervous like a new fan getting a glimpse of them for the first time up close, but nervous like worried. Worried that they wouldn’t remember me. Even though I knew that they would, that little thought in the back of my head starts creeping forward. And then it happens. Surrounded by three security guards and Erik, they emerge. And while all the other girls are screaming, cheering and even crying for joy, I freeze. My body locks and my eyes can only focus on them. All the noise around me disappears and all I hear is my own heartbeat and breathing. Sure, none of that has happened yet today, but I can just picture it now, because it has happened before. Only to other people. But hopefully I wouldn’t have to deal with that.
“So.” Sam said after that moment of awkward silence. “It had to be Tower Records again, huh?”
I laughed and said, “Hey! At least it’s somewhere I know and it’s close to me!”
“Yeah, tell me about it.”
“There it is.” I said, looking out onto the right side of Army Trail Road. I looked at my watch. It read quarter past eleven. The signing wasn’t until two o’clock. But looking at the line, you would have thought it had already started.
“God, I hate being early.” I muttered, finding what looked to be the very last parking spot in the lot.
“But we have to be early now if we want to see them!”
“Yes, I’m fully aware of that. And that’s why I’m here this early, isn’t it?” I replied.
I counted how many people were already in line. It started at the front door, and I counted 32 people to where we were now standing. I scanned the crowd of young girls, all wearing Vi3 tees, hats or had the logo painted on their face. I didn’t recognize a single one yet.
“Do you think any of the girls will come today?” I asked Sam.
“I hope so.” We both did. But who knows anymore. I mean, not that they aren’t dedicated anymore, but I remember people like Smurf always had that fear of long, unorganized lines and a fear of teenyboppers. And I think many others agreed with her. But then again, all the Vi3 girls were accustomed to showing up twenty minutes before a show starts and getting good spots, so they may all show up then. I looked up, and then I saw one. Making her way towards the line was Jackie. She was followed closely behind by Alejandra. I yelled out to Jackie and waved. It was funny, because the second I yelled “Jackie” all of the girls in line turned around. Thinking that I was talking about Jackie Salvucci. The two girls took their place in line, not far behind us. After about ten minutes of standing, I decided that it would be smart to sit down. I opened up my backpack to find the bottle of water I had thrown in there, along with three photo albums and their gifts. Since I missed giving them ones for Christmas and their birthdays, I had gotten them a little something. I had made and framed some new drawings and I had gotten them each a Vi3 necklace. They were similar to the ones they have, only these were a little bit more…precious I guess you could say. They have small diamonds on the logo along with their birthstones and their names engraved on the back or each one. (I knew the guy that owned the jewelry shop, so I got a pretty good deal! Shh! Don’t tell!) Along with the drawings and necklaces was a letter to each of them. Carefully crafted and written by me. I couldn’t wait to give them the gifts. But back to my water. Of course it was all the way at the bottom. I took everything out of my bag and set it down in front of me. There were four gifts, three albums, my makeup bag and my other purse contents before I got to my bottle of water.
“Ha! Finally!” I exclaimed, pulling it out triumphantly. I started putting everything back into the bag, when the girl in front of me noticed my albums.
“Can I possibly see those?” She asked. I told her she could. The one she picked up was full of my favorite live shots of all time. Some of them being pretty old and some were brand new.
“How did you get these?” She asked, totally confused. “I’ve seen some of these on the website! Do they KNOW that you have these?!”
“Umm, yes.” I laughed. “They got them from me.”
“You mean you sent these to them?”
“Yeah, kind of.”
“But these are so old! How do you have them? They’re a new group and these pictures are dated 2000-2001!”
“They’re a new group to you, but not me.”
“Ok…” she replied, obviously thinking I was lying. She finished that album and moved onto the next one. Filled with my favorite pictures from signings. She stared at them, not sure whether I took them or found them online and just printed them out. More like whether she believed me or thought I was a liar. But I could tell she liked the pictures at least. She shut the album and picked up the third one. I smiled, realizing that any doubt she had was going to make her feel stupid. She looked at the cover and saw the picture of me with them at the Totalmente Latina Tour from July of 2002. The one where Justin decided to be cute and kiss my hand. The look on the girl’s face was priceless.
“So you’ve met them before?” She asked.
“You could say that.” I giggled.
She flipped through the album filled with pictures of me with all of them. She flipped quicker and quicker the more she realized that the whole album was filled with those kind of pictures.
“Dude, how many times have you met them?” She was close to yelling, and was attracting attention.
“Well,” I answered, “I’ve known Lucas since 1999, Justin since 2000 and Jackie since June of 2002.
“Wow.” She replied. “My name is Colleen.” She finally said. “I’ve only known about Vi3 since they were on TRL a few months ago. They’re soooooo cute! I’ve never met them though. Are they nice?” It was funny because she was being nice to me now that she knew that I knew the guys. It figures, doesn’t it? But I answered anyway.
“Nice? Of course. They are three of the greatest guys you will ever meet. Well, four if you count Erik…”
“Erik? Who’s Erik? I thought it was just Jackie, Lucas and Justin?”
“Erik is their manager. Erik Bradley.” I laughed.
“Oh, I get it.” She said.
“Yeah.”
“Lucas is mean! Stay away from him!” Sam decided to shout.
“What?” Said Colleen. I gave a sarcastic look to the both of them.
“No, Lucas is NOT mean. She only says that because she likes to piss him off all the time. He may seem a little rude if you can’t take sarcasm at all…but he really is a sweetheart. Trust me.”
Slowly I noticed more and more people turning my way. They were listening in on my conversation.
“What’s Jackie like?” I heard someone ask. “Because he’s my favorite!”
“Oh, Jackie is so cute.” I giggled.
“Hands off! He’s MINE!” Yelled Sam again.
“Yeah you wish.” I muttered. “He’s a good kid. Very sweet, very friendly. If you get him going, he’s really funny too. But he may be a little quiet just at first.”
“I love his accent!” another girl mentioned.
“Oh, so do I. He’s lost a little bit of it since he’s been here in Chicago, but it’s definitely still there and obvious…but it is SO cute.”
“Ok, enough about Jackie…I want to hear about my hottie Justin Roman!” The girl in front of Colleen said. The sighs from many other girls listening made it apparent that Justin was the obvious group favorite out here.
“Ha-ha, your lover…” muttered Sam, just loud enough for the rest of the girls to hear.
“Your WHAT?” one girl exclaimed.
“Nothing.” I said. Glaring at Sam again. I gave her the ‘shut-your-mouth-they’re-going-to-think-I’m-a-bitch’ look.
“Wait, you’re dating Justin?” Asked Colleen.
“No, no, no!” I laughed.
“Oh, so you HAVE dated him?”
“No, no, no, I have never dated Justin.”
“But she just said that he was your lover…I’m confused.”
“It…it’s a LONG story that has to do with me, a photo, Alicia Keys and my underwear. I’d rather not get into it.”
“Oh…ok…So what’s he like?”
PHEW! Back to the subject.
“Justin…he’s amazing. Definitely one of the greatest people I have ever met. He’s definitely something special.”
“Awe.” Was the chorus of voices.
“So he’s sweet?” One girl asked.
“Oh yes. From the day I first met him a million years ago to today, he has not changed. He has always been so sweet. He does his best to make everyone smile and feel special.”
“Awe, I can’t wait to meet him!” There. As if these girls weren’t excited enough already, I had gotten them even more anxious. I felt satisfied with my efforts. It seemed like over the past few years, getting people excited for Vi3 was not only a mission, but second nature to me. It made me feel great to know that I got people excited just to see or meet and shake hands with three amazing guys that I hold close to my heart and who have become like a second family to me.
“I’ve got one more question.” Colleen said.
“Sure, I’ll answer. Shoot.”
“Now, I know they’re hot in pictures, with the professional work and all, but are they really that fine up close? Because I met *NSYNC about a year ago, and they weren’t as hot as their pictures…well, except JC…but what about Vi3?” Lucky girl. I wish I could meet *NSYNC…yeah. But I knew that question would pop up sooner or later, and I couldn’t help but laugh a little bit. It’s a question that none of us original fans had heard for a long time, but we were seeing it resurface again.
“Well, are they?” She asked again when I was finished laughing.
“Are they ‘as hot’ you ask?”
“Yes!!!” I looked to Sam, to the picture of Vi3 on my photo album, and back to Sam again.
“Hotter.” Was my answer.
“Oh wow.” I swear when she heard that she was going to faint. I let her and her friends talk amongst themselves.
I glanced back at the line again. It had grown about twice as long. I looked at my watch. 12:32. There was still an hour and a half left to wait. I looked back again and near the back of the line, I saw Kelly and Amanda.
“I’ll be right back.” I told Sam. I got up to go say hello to the two girls. Walking along the line, I looked at faces I recognized among all of the new faces filled with first time excitement. I yelled over to Amanda, who didn’t hear me at first, so I yelled for Kelly. She heard me, turned around and saw me coming her way. I waved and smiled. I chatted with the two of them for a little bit.
“So Kelly how’s your line-phobia?” I joked. She smiled and giggled.
“It’s actually organized, so I’m kind of ok. Not nearly as insane as they could be.” I had to agree. This line was, in fact, organized.
“But my question is…why isn’t the line inside? It’s cold out here!” Amanda said. She brought up a good point.
“Well,” I said, “my guess is that all of us won’t fit inside. And instead of letting some of us in and keeping the late ones out, they left us ALL out here to freeze. Sound good?” They got a little bit of a kick out of that and replied with,
“Isn’t that the Vi3 truth?” True as always. After finishing our chat, I made my way back up to the front where Sam was engaged in a conversation…and a cigarette. I sat down on the pavement and closed my eyes for a bit of a cold nap.
“Wake me up if anything interesting happens.” I said.
I really didn’t fall asleep. Just kind of dozed here and there. By 1:30, the line had grown about four times longer than it had been before. And I had to make a trip to the washroom.
“I’ll be right back.” I said as I got out of the line. I went to the front and opened the door. A security guard “kindly” told me that the line was about 150 people the other way. I “kindly” replied with,
“Yes, I see, but the bathroom is about 6 people THAT way.” And he let me through.
In and out of the washroom in about three minutes, I stopped for a moment to retie my left shoelace. I felt a small push and stood up to get out of the way. Three security guards, followed by Erik, Justin, Lucas, Jackie and Big Steve (Vi3’s personal accessory…) were headed my way. I backed into a wall, trying to give them all the room in the world. And sure enough, once I saw the three of them, I more or less froze. But only for a split second. The whole entourage breezed by in a matter of two seconds, but it was just long enough for Erik and Lucas to notice me and shoot me a smile and a wave along with a “Hey Mya!” Before they disappeared into the back. Justin, Jackie and Steve didn’t notice me standing there. I took a deep breath, finished tying my shoe (and had to tie the other one now since Big Steve stepped on it…) and walked back out to the line. Apparently no one had seen them arrive because it was still as calm as before.
“Wow, I have the best timing in the world.” I said to Sam, stepping back into the line.
“Why?” She asked, confused.
“They’re here…” I said through a smile.
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, they damn near ran me over. I’m coming out of the bathroom, and I stopped to tie my shoe. And I feel this security guard push me back a little. I stand up to get out of the way, and there they are. Complete with Erik, Steve and five security guards.
“Did they see you?”
“Well, Lucas and Erik did. I don’t think the other three did. But Erik and Lucas were like ‘Hey Mya!’” I said, imitating their waves. I must have been talking pretty loud because all of a sudden I felt all of these eyes looking at me and had about twenty people asking me how they looked.
“Good.” I smiled. “Very good.”
“I’m jealous!” said one girl.
“I’m excited!” Said another.
“I’m going to puke!” Said a third girl. We all looked at her kind of strange. “What? I’m nervous!”
“Ohhhhhh.” We all sighed.
For the next half hour, we spent it standing and waiting. Time crept slowly. Cold wind came and went, but it didn’t faze us. We were Vi3 fans. We’ve waited through heat, cold, rain, snow, wind and God knows what else for these boys. I heard a girl in line yell to the security guard up front,
“Hey, when are you going to open the doors? It’s cold!” He claimed they would open them in about five minutes.
“If we’re running on Vi3 time, that means twenty.” I said to myself.
“What’s Vi3 time?” One girl asked me. I had forgotten that Vi3 time was the original fans’ inside joke.
“Well,” I began. “There’s actual time, and when you’re late by five, ten maybe even fifteen minutes, it’s excusable. But run twenty minutes late, and we say you’re on Vi3 time because they are never ever on time.”
“Ohh, I see.”
