I'm Not Losing You
A Story of Dedication to Those I Love
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15-16-
“I don’t know honestly. Until Erik says it’s time to go I guess.”
“Oh, I see.” I replied. “Do you guys have anywhere else to be today?”
“No, not really. At least, I don’t think so.” Was his answer. Erik came back in, and Lucas decided to just ask him. “Hey Erik, do we have anywhere to be today or tonight?”
“No, not really. Why?” He asked in return.
“Oh no reason. Just wondering.” Lucas said. “Well Mya, there’s your answer I guess.” He said to me with a smile. For the next while, we all sat in the living room, just talking. Then it happened. All of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, I heard a fight start to break out. I thought to myself, “oh please don’t let this happen. Everything was going so perfect.” But I looked up, and in the doorway to the kitchen, I saw Sam and Krystal arguing. And of course, what did I see happen? Sam decided to get all up in Krystal’s face, and Krystal dumped her cup of water all over Sam to get her out of her face. Obviously enraged, Sam tried to take a swing at Krystal before Jen grabbed her hand.
“Hey! What is wrong with you?!” She yelled at both of them. So instead of Sam hitting Krystal, se tried to slap Jen away with her free hand.
“Mind your own, Jen! Stay out of this! This is none of your business!” Sam yelled.
“Don’t yell at Jen, Samantha. She’s just trying to keep you from making a big mistake.” Krystal yelled back. By now, everyone was starting to notice what was going on. Everyone just kind of sat and watched them and looked at each other, not sure what to do. Krystal and Sam started arguing again and Jen tried to stop them for the second time. Now Sam just got so pissed off that she hit Jen. And Jen obviously didn’t like that too much, so she got all up in Sam’s face. Watching all of this happening, I got extremely pissed off. I jumped up out of my seat and just started to scream.
“God, what is wrong with all of you? Can’t I have ONE party where EVERYONE just gets along? Or is that too difficult?!” I yelled. I was slowly starting to cry. I got so upset that as I was yelling, tears were going down my face. I have never had a party that was a complete success. Someone always ended up fighting and someone always ended up crying. And most of the time, one of them was me. “Why do you all have to do this? Huh?” Everyone went dead silent. The fighting had come to a halt and everyone was staring at me. “You all wonder why I end up getting upset all the time, well this is why. It doesn’t seem to matter to you though. For god’s sake, it’s fucking CHRISTMAS! You would think we could get along and be alright for one god damn day! But apparently common sense doesn’t matter, now does it?” No one said anything. “DOES IT?!” Still nothing. “Fine. Enjoy yourselves.” By now I was crying full on, and I was practically screaming. Most of the people in the room had never seen me that upset. Especially the guys. The makeup that I had spend so much time on getting perfect was now running down my face. I left the silent room and went upstairs to my own bedroom. Still, no one said anything. I heard the slam of my door echo through the house. I sat down on the foot of my bed and just stared out the window crying. Meanwhile, downstairs, everyone stayed silent for another moment or three. They looked from face to face, noticing that everyone else had the same confused, upset and ashamed looks on their faces. Suzy spoke up.
“You know, she’s right. And I generally don’t understand why she’s upset any more than you do, but she is right. I think that’s really sad that we can’t even get along on Christmas.”
“I’m going to go talk to her.” Said Sam.
“No. Don’t go. The three of you who started all of this are probably the last people that she wants to see right now.” Said Mardy.
“She’s definitely right.” Said Erik. “Just let her be alone for a minute.” For a short while, they tried to carry on and apologize to each other. But Lucas just didn’t like the way it was going.
“You know what, this just isn’t right. We’re not the ones who should be hearing apologies. This was her party, and this is her house. This just is not right.” He said, starting to climb up the stairs.
“I’m with Lucas.” Said Jackie. He looked to Lucas and said, “She shouldn’t have to leave her own party in her own living room. I’ll go make sure she’s alright with you.” Jackie got up and followed Lucas up the stairs. I heard a knock on my door.
“What?” I said, sniffling through my tears. The door cracked open, and I heard Lucas’ voice.
“Can we come in sweetie?” He asked.
“Who is ‘we’?” I asked.
“It’s me and Jackie.” He replied.
“If you want to, go ahead.” I replied. He opened the door, and in he walked, followed by Jackie. I wiped the tears from my eyes, and tried to look at them. They sat down next to me, and Lucas gave me a big hug.
“I’m sorry about before, hun. I don’t like seeing you upset. And I’ve never seen you blow up at anyone quite like that before.” He said.
“No, hun, you don’t need to be sorry. It wasn’t you guys.”
“Well, we feel bad, sweetheart.” Jackie said, rubbing my left shoulder. “Why don’t you come back down with us? I promise no one else is going to fight.” He continued. He looked me straight in the eye.
“No, I just want to be alone for a while.” I said.
“Are you sure?” Asked Lucas.
“Yeah, I’m sure.” I said quietly.
“Well ok, but do you promise you’ll come down eventually, ok?”
“Alright, I probably won’t.” I replied.
“Ok hun.” Lucas replied. They each gave me a hug and went out the door. As the two of them came down the stairs, everyone stopped their conversations and looked up at the two of them. Lucas shrugged his shoulders, and Jackie said that they had no luck.
“Justin, why don’t you go try? I know she thinks of you as a big brother, maybe you’ll have better luck.” Said Kelly.
Rachel definitely agreed. “Yeah, Kelly is right. I think she’ll listen to you.”
“I guess I could try…” Justin said, doubting himself. He rose up off the couch and went upstairs. Again, I heard a knock on my door.
“Mya?” He said. I knew it was Justin.
“Justin you can come it, but I’m probably not coming down.” He opened the door and saw me lying down, facing the doorway. And he didn’t like what he saw.
“Awe, Mya, sweetie…cheer up, ok?” He sat down next to me, and grabbed on of my hands. I just shook my head. “This is not the Mya that I know. Sweetie, none of us like to see you upset. And you scared me for sure when you just blew up at everyone.” I said nothing at first. “Well, would you at least sit up and talk to me?” His look was too genuine to ignore, so I sat up next to him. “That’s a little better.” I looked up at him, and he saw all the makeup running down my face.
“This kind of stuff always happens to me.” I said, quietly, still on the verge of crying again. He gave me a big hug and told me that it wasn’t my fault. “I know it’s not my fault, but this always happens. And I’m just sick of it.”
“I know. I would be too. But you’ve got a whole bunch of people downstairs, and they all want to apologize to you. So will you please come down with me? And if anyone says something rude to you or starts something, just let one of the guys or me know, and we’ll beat them up for you. Ok?” At that I cracked a smile. “That’s my girl. Now come on. Downstairs?” I nodded and started to stand up. “Alright.” He smiled, stood up, and walked with me out the door. He linked my arm with his, and walked down the stairs with me. As we walked down the last few steps, I noticed that not everyone was still in the living room. The only ones left in the room were Rachel, Mardy, Jen and Lucas.
“See, I knew you’d have better luck.” Said Rachel.
“Mya, I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. I was just trying to help, but I guess it didn’t work out the way I had hoped.” Jen said. It was nice of her to apologize.
“Don’t worry about it, Jen. I understand what you were trying to do. Thanks for trying though.” I really did mean that. It was nice that she tried to help out, I just wish that it had gone better. She gave me a hug.
“I’m sorry my Mya.”
“Jen, it’s ok.” I said as I pulled out of the hug. Lucas gave me a hug too.
“You freaked me out big time when you blew up. Nice to see you’re a little bit better now.” He gave me that trademark smile. At least he got a laugh out of me. That’s more than a lot of people had done tonight. The five of them walked with me into the kitchen and den, where everyone else was sitting and waiting for us. I saw Jackie turn around and look at me. He shot me a smile.
“There’s my girl!” He got up off the couch in the den, leaving Sam sitting by herself now without him there. He gave me a hug, and said, “Feeling any better?” I nodded, but I still stayed quiet. I decided not to say much because I didn’t want to piss anyone off, because that would only make me feel worse. I sat myself in one of the kitchen chairs, and I tried to stay basically invisible. Most of the girls were looking at me, and they didn’t really know what to say. Justin leaned himself against the table next to me, and the other two brought chairs over by me. Krystal came over to me soon after, and squatted down in front of me.
“Mya, I’m sorry about before. I didn’t mean to get you mad. I know you’re probably pissed as hell at me right now, but I wanted to tell you I’m sorry. I love ya chica!” I nodded, and quietly said that it was ok. At least she had the decency to apologize to me. She gave me a hug, but I only half-assed the effort, because I was still a little upset. Not so much at her, but at the whole situation. After a minute, everyone went back to what they were doing. Though I was back with everyone, I was more or less just observing the party, as I do when I get upset. I had a feeling that everyone was going to be mad at me for some reason by the time they left, so I just kept my distance. I watched everyone talk, I watched the guys socialize for the last bit of time that they were hanging around, and I watched everyone watch every little thing that they said when they were around me. It wasn’t exactly a great time for me, but it was better than sitting up in my room…I guess. I laid my head on the table and just stared off into space for a bit. I thought about how the party would have gone if the fight hadn’t broken out. I suddenly felt a hand on my back. It was Jackie.
“Hey now. You need to cheer up a little bit here. I don’t like seeing you sad honey.” He sat himself down next to me and started talking to me. We had our own private conversation going, and it definitely made me feel a little bit better. All three of them were always the best at making my mood change from horrible to good. How else would you explain my 1:00am meeting with Justin and Doug in the parking lot of a Denny’s? Or how about when I was offered a spot inside Lucas’ sweatshirt? But definitely something like this from Jackie was on my list of nice things that they have done for me. I was so thankful to have big brothers like that.
