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Donzo's Joke Page # 11
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So you're a feminist.??? Isn't that cute.!!! Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment? A mental hospital. On the internet they found romance, That put both in a hot sexual trance, But each had a gripe, About having to type, With a hand stuck down into their pants. Adam said to Eve, "I'll wear the plants in this family." Why is Bill Clinton so reluctant to deal with the fate of the young Cuban boy? Because the last time he made a decision about where to put a Cuban he was impeached. Why are married men heavier than single men? Single men come home, see what's in the fridge, and go to bed. Married men come home, see what's in bed, and go to the fridge. Flap, flap, flap...How do you make an Elephant fly? Well first you get a real long zipper. A good old boy walked over to a good looking girl in a bar and said "Howdy! How'd y'all like to come on over to my house and we can have a real good time?" "I'm not too sure..." she replied, "where exactly are you from?" "I'm from Kentucky, way up in the hills." "Oh, I've heard about you guys from Kentucky," she said, "you guys screw pigs and goats and cows and chickens..." He replied in a very indignant tone, "CHICKENS?" Why did the blonde only change her baby's diapers once a month? The label says, Good for up to 16 to 20 pounds. What does Popeye do to keep his favorite tool from rusting? Sticks it in Olive Oil. What's 1 mile long with an asshole in the middle? A Radar trap. What do you do if a Pit Bull humps your leg? Fake an orgasm. Have you ever seen an asshole wrapped in plastic? Check your drivers license. What do you call a musician without a girlfriend? Homeless. Why do men talk so dirty? So they can wash their mouth out with beer. Why were shopping carts invented? To teach women to walk on their hind legs. A Farmer goes to the Vet and says, "My horse is constipated." The vet says, "Take one of these pills, put it in a long tube, stick the other end in the horse's ass, and blow the pill up there." The Farmer comes back the next day, and he looks very sick. The Vet says, "What happened?" The Farmer says, "The horse blew first." Why did the blonde stop using the pill? Because it kept falling out when she stood up. Why did the proctologist use two fingers? In case the patient wanted a second opinion. How do you know when a women's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me,..." Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp? He opened a warehouse. What's the definition of a perfect woman? A blind, deaf, and dumb nymphomaniac who owns a liquor store. How many rednecks does it take to eat a possum? 3. One to eat the possum, and two to watch for cars. A zebra goes to a farm, and asks a chicken what it does. The chicken tells the zebra that it lays eggs. Next the zebra asks the cow what it does. The cow tells the zebra that it produces milk. Then the zebra asks the stallion what he does. The stallion says take off those pajamas dear, and i will be happy to show you. What do you do with an elephant with three balls? Walk him and pitch to the rhino. How can you tell when a woman is really hot for you? When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse a handfull of oats. What happened when the blonde got locked in the car? Her blonde boyfriend had to use a clothes hanger to get her out. What is the difference between an intelligent blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot's been sighted. Why don't blondes eat pickles? Because they always get their head stuck in the jar. What is a thing a swan can do, a duck can't do, and a lawyer should do? Shove his bill up his ass. Two guys are discussing one's upcoming wedding. "I'm not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not." His buddy replies, "Oh, there's an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint, and a shovel. You paint one ball red, and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, if she laughs, and says - Those are the funniest balls I've ever seen. Then you hit her with the shovel." There once was a girl named Jill, Who used dynamite for a thrill, They found her vagina, In South Carolina, And bits of her tits in Brazil. Are birth control pills deductible? Only if they don't work. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? Knock Knock. Who's there? Madame. Madame who? Madame finger is stuck in the door. What do Christmas trees and priests have in common? Their balls are just for decoration. What does a gynacologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common? They can both smell it, but they can't eat it. The seven year old told her mom, that a little boy in her class asked her to play doctor. "Oh, dear," the mother sighed. "What happened, honey?" He made me wait 45 minutes, and then double billed the insurance company. What's the difference between a vampire and a lawyer? One is a souless, bloodsucking monster, and the other one can turn into a bat. A blonde goes to a restaurant, buys a coffee and sits down to drink it. She looks on the side of her cup and finds a peel-off prize. She pulls off the tab and yells, "I WON a motorhome." The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize to be given away was a van." The blonde says, "No. I WON a motorhome." The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he read, WIN A BAGEL. What's the brown stuff between the elephants toes? Slow natives. What is the title of the new Vietnamamese cookbook? 100 ways to wok your dog. A Newfie hunter came upon a lovely young lady, completely nude, in a lake. The hunter said, "I beg your pardon Lady, I'm looking for game." The young lady said, "Well, I'm game." So he shot her. Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan. Which 8th grader has the best body, the blonde, brunette or redhead? The blonde. She is eighteen. Did you hear they came out with a Penthouse for married men? It's the same centerfold every month. Did you hear about the all midget porno flick? Yep, the first to feature full runtal nudity. What do you call a Chinese man behind a cash register? Ching, Ching. How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying. Why do women have smaller feet than men? So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink. A robber broke into the police station and took all the toilet seats. It was a very hard case to solve, because the police didn't have anything to go on.  
What has four legs and only one ear? Mike Tyson's dog. Why is college like a woman? It takes forever to get in, and nine months later, you wish you hadn't come. Did you hear that researchers have discovered that diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your jeans. Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund? He wanted to get a long little doggie. What do you call four blondes at a 4-way stop? Confused. How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day? Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil. What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad shooter. "Does your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked John. "Well, not exactly." his friend said, "She's more into the trick dog part of it. She rolls over and plays dead." Clinton said, "I didn't say lie in the deposition. I said lie in that position." What do you call a truckload of vibrators? Toys for twats. Why do Mexicans eat beans every day? So they can take a bubble bath at night. Why do Indians wear jock straps? To Totem Pole. Miss Susan passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator asked,"Where do you live?" Bubba said, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." "Can you spell that for me?" asked the operator. Bubba said, "How bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?" What is hairy on the outside, wet on the inside, starts with a C, ends with a T, and has a U and an N in the middle? A Coconut. What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Flood lights. What has three teeth and sixty feet? The front row at a Willy Nelson concert. Why don't blind people skydive? Because it scares the hell out of the dog. If there were 4 potatoes in a room, which one would be the prostitute? The one that's labeled I-da-ho. Three women were talking about their love lives. The first said, "My husband is like a Rolls-Royce, smooth and sophisticated." The second said, "Mine is like a Porsche, fast and powerful." The third said, "Mine is like an old Chevy. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while it's still going." 4 Leaders Visit The Wizard of Oz. Jimmy Carter says,"I need some courage." Ronald Regan says,"I need a new brain." George Bush says,"I need a new heart." Bill Clinton says, "Is Dorothy around?" What's an Australian kiss? The same thing as a French kiss, only down under. Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana. Do you know how to spell Canada? C - eh - N - eh - D - eh. A young whore uses Vaseline, but an old whore uses Super Poly Grip. Have you seen Dolly Parton's new shoes? No??? Well, neither has she. What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a sorority girl? There are even some things a sorority girl won't do. |
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