|
|
Donzo's Joke Page # 1
|
|
--- A boy gets in a shipwreck, and is on a island for 20 years without seeing another human being. Then one day a beautiful woman washes up on the beach. He tells her that he has lived on digging for clams, eating them, as well as fruits and berries. She asks " What did you do for love?" He says "Love! What is that?" She says " I will show you." So she shows him. Then she shows him again. Then she shows him one more time!!! When they are finally done, she says,"Well how do like love?" He says " It's great, but look what it did to my clam digger." --- An old man was sitting on a park bench crying his eyes out. A young lad walking by asked "Hey Dad, what's the matter?" The old man replied "I just got married." The kid says, "That's great, why are you crying?" The old man says "My wife is a wonderful cook," sobbing between words. "All the more reason you should be happy. What about your love life, pop?" The old man says "She demands it morning, noon, and night." The kid says,"That's great, what are you crying about?" "I forgot my address!" --- Joey and his friend go to visit his grandmother at her home. While he is talking to the grandmother, the friend starts eating the peanuts off of the coffee table. He keeps eating until they are all gone. When they leave the friend thanks the grandmother for the peanuts and she says, "Yeah, since i lost my dentures i can only suck the chocolate off of those nuts". --- A hunter is out all day and shoots a duck just before dusk. It falls out of the air on to a farmers field. He goes to pick it up, but the farmer stops him and says, "the duck is on my land so it is mine." Then the farmer says, "If you want the duck we will have a little contest. We will kick each other in the crotch, and the last man who is standing gets the duck." The hunter agreed to do it. The farmer got the first kick. After about half an hour the red faced, out of breath hunter staggered to his feet and said, "o.k. - it is my turn now." Then the farmer says, "You can have the duck" and walked away. --- A little man goes into a biker bar and asked, "who owns the doberman that is on a leash outside?" A huge guy stands up and says "WHY?" The little man says, "well sir, my puppy just killed your dog." "How in the hell could your little puppy kill my doberman?" said the biker. "I think he choked on it sir," said the little man. --- A guy takes his secretary on a business trip on a train. She really likes him and so the first night she is in the top bunk and he is in the bottom. She says to him---i am chilly and i think i need a blanket. He says---how would you like to pretend to be my wife for a little while? She replies"oh i would like that". He says" then go get your own blanket." --- A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog peed on his leg. He reached into his pocket and took out a treat for the dog. A woman saw what had happened, and said "That's very nice of you after what he just did." "Not really," said the blind man. "I'm just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him in the nuts." --- A blind bunny figures out what a snake is: So the bunny rabbit started sniffing at the snake, and stroked him with his paws. Then the rabbit says "You're cold, slimy, with a thick skin, and you have a forked tongue. I know, you must be a lawyer." --- The dishwasher and the drier needed repair. A few days later the oven broke. "Hey honey the oven broke. Can you fix it? "Who do I look like, an oven repair man?" A few weeks later the husband said to his wife, "Hey honey I notice you got all that stuff around the house fixed. How much did it cost?" "Well" the wife replied, "You know Paul next door. Well, he agreed to do all the repairs for free if I'd sleep with him or bake him a cake." "What kind of cake did you make him?" "Who do I look like, Betty Crocker?" --- A young couple were making love in the guy's van and the girl yelled, whip me - whip me! So the guy broke the antenna off of his van, and whipped the girl. A week later the girl sees that the whip marks were starting to get infected, so she goes to the doctor. The doctor takes a look at the infected area and says, "Looks like you've got a bad case of van-aerial disease." --- A nun went to see a doctor, and then ran out screaming and yelling. The nurse asked the doctor what happened? He said that he had told the nun that she was pregnant. The nurse says oh that just can't be. I know, but it sure cured her of the hiccups. --- My husband is 73 and still is chasing women. Any suggestions? Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it. --- The subway car was packed, and many people were forced to stand. One woman who was very cramped turned to the man behind her and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I will call the cops." "I don't know what you're talking about lady, that's just my paycheck in my pocket." "Oh really" she said "then you must have some job, because that's the third raise you've had in the last five minutes." --- An airplane is about to crash. A woman jumps up and says "If I'm going to die I want to die feeling like a woman." She takes off all her clothes and asks, "Is there anyone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" So a man stands up, tears his shirt off and says, "Iron this". |
|
 |
