"My mind's a blank..."

26th March 2006, 1207A.M.

My grandma is getting weaker day by day. I cant imagine how she has gone from a healthy old granny to such a frail, old lady. And to make things worse, Im not sure I could get out every weekend to see my granny. In the army, you have confinements to serve if you do something wrong. Even if some other guy does it, its a one for all, all for one. My mind is a blank now. All I could do now is to just pray for the best. Life has not gotten so far down a level before. This is the first time I am experencing such a thing. Its just so sad that you could cry sometimes...

Anyway here are some of the photos from my portfolio:

Taken at esplanade

Taken at changi chapel

 

"Days gone by..."

18th March 2006. 0215 A.M.

It's very fast, isn't it? How time flies? The block leave is over soon and Im going to my next destination. SISPEC sounds more like "Suffer in silence plus extra confinement" than a command school for specialists.

Sigh. I was supposed to go hand up my port folio by tomorrow or rather today. I can't. The Office Of Admissions is closed on Saturdays. My goodness. I thought I could drop it off and go. Guess I would have to mail it or pass it down another day.

Well. I did my video today so that I could submit for the application of NTU for school of art, design and media for the Visual Communication Course which I am so in love with. I do not know whether I will get in but if I dont try, how would I know? I hope I get in. It's been a fruitful day. However, ( considering I am sleeping so late nowadays like 2 to 3 A.M almost everyday ) Panda rings have started to form below my eyes.Seriously, i think I need a break before I get in.

I mean like a good night's rest? Oh well.

Goodnight.

"The uncompleted portfolio and its troubles"

15th March 2006, 1212 A.M.

For the past few days, I have been busy taking photographs and doing media designs to build up my seriously limited portfolio. When it comes to taking photographs, it is really hard to take good pictures. The camera is one thing... ( Considering a good camera really costs alot.)but... the more important thing at hand is the ability to capture certain things at that moment itself only. Sometimes, you miss them because it's just too fast. It's so fast that when you are about to take the photo, that magical moment just disappears. It's tough. With so little time left before the submission of my portfolio, it's getting really irritating to not get the right photos. O_o

I hope I can capture more tomorrow.

Oh great. Just great. 5 more days to getting back in army. x_x

"The chocolate addiction"

11th March 2006, 0237 A.M.

For the past few weeks, I had been eating chocolate. "CRUNCH" was its name. I am starting to love it.

This started in the last 3rd week while I was still going through BMT (basic military training). Whenever I feel sad, I will just take a chocolate CRUNCH. Otherwise, I will just buy MARS. All of this is just to keep myself happy and not to think about certain things.

"There's no point worrying about the future when you cannot see it..."

It happened today. Or should I say yesterday? I went to SUNTEC for the PC show. Although I did manage to cheer myself up by getting some good stuff for my com, I cant help feeling a little blue when I listened to some of the drama songs. As usual, I grabbed CRUNCH from the nearest 7 eleven and started to munch on it. I felt a lot happier. So much better.

It's like medication now. I gave it the name "HapCo" pill, which really just stands for "Happy Cocoa Pill".

Well... I'm a drug addict now. Nobody can stop me. Nobody.

"The hospital trip..."

9th March 2006, 0839 P.M.

I went to Tan Tock Seng today. I was accompanying my grandma to the hospital for a checkup to get a better understanding of her condition. The doctor said that we had 2 options. One was to go for chemotherapy while the other was to go on medication. The second option was preferred. However, the medication was SUPER expensive. One brown panadol-like pill = $109. One day one pill. 7 days. 4 weeks before another checkup. It wasn't without side effects. Dry skin,rashes,acne and more... I don't want to name more. It's getting scary. =( Anyway, the doc said that the drug has 70 to 80 percent of suppressing the lung cancer. I don't know what to say...

Should I be optimistic? Maybe. Maybe. Is there anyway I could help? Im not a doc. Not qualified too. Guess I should take one step at a time. Its getting harder to keep myself optimistic these days...

"When the world is crying..."

5th March 2006, 0100 P.M.

I just watched a Japanese movie and a Japanese drama series. All of them are of the same title. I think it's worth watching. Life is so fragile...Unpredictable and sad. If you wanna know more, just take a look at this month's theme above. See ya around...