"Le@rn to L@ugh..."

30th April 2006, 0253 A.M.

The month of April is ending soon. Before you know it, labour day is coming and then, the general elections are coming too. Love these holidays. =) For the past week, it was pretty tiring and busy especially when you need to clean up all the dirty stuff after all that heavy rain for the past few days. Oh mine. It was raining the whole week. Imagine you are drenched in the forest with your feet wet through out the whole day. Ugh. Gross. But I learnt something. You can laugh all your troubles away and forget about them. Try laughing all the time. It felt so good to laugh. Haha. (Even if someone thinks you are crazy...Who cares? You feel good... Wahahahaha..)

Anyway, if you ever wonder how a place DEEP in the forest looks like in the dark, try switching off your room lights and close the curtains. It is the same scene. Except this time, you are standing on flat ground. In the forest, you step on uneven stones likes the ones you have in the pebble path down your house, that is if you have one. Haha. Risk getting blisters if you ever want to try trekking in the forest after dark. You can even see your hand. Haha. I fell into two small pot holes twice and sprain my ankle. Now, Im limping. *Sadded* Nevertheless, it's fun. If you ever have the chance, try it sometime. I think you'll love it. =)

See ya in May...

"Lost the goal in life..."

16th April 2006, 0808 P.M.

I have lost the goal in my life. The significance of working towards that something which rewards me at the end. It was something which I could work for. Now, that goal and desire is fading. I can feel it. It seems that after my junior college life and school years, life has become less colourful. Is it because my house is getting less warm than it used to be? Or is it that everyone around me is getting further and further away... leaving me on this lonely island to dwell by myself ?

It's really getting dark. I try to keep it bright by lighting up candle after candle. When its cold, I cuddled myself so that I feel warm. I don't know how long more I can do this. I try to be optimistic as much as I can now. Even if it means putting on a mask and not to let others worry. Afterall, it's all I can do now. I'll be taking one step at a time. Each time, I'll try to take deep breaths so that I do not suffocate. Maybe I should try to go out more often. But how? I feel like being trapped in this black box with no doors and windows. My head is spinning now. I need to rest... I'm too tired... tired to think of anything else...

"What am I suppose to do..."

09th April 2006, 0346 P.M.

I have no plans on the coming good friday and I do not know why. Is it good or is it bad ? Am I left with more time to think ? Think about what ? Im not sure. Not sure at all.