"What's going on?"

24th June 2006, 0138 A.M.

Its getting dusty in here after so long. I know. I couldnt find time to write out what i was thinking for so long. The future seem bleak this time. I feel like im being engulfed by a very strong force. Its gravity is pulling me in, into a space of emptiness. I found out that I couldnt find any reason to fight it anymore. My energy is draining. i feel very weak now. Somehow, I feel more emotional now. I dont know why. Things arent going that well. I know I have to find the courage to fight. As much as i try to tell myself to be strong and that things will get better, the truth is life isnt going any better at the moment. How are you suppose to be optimistic when things just keep going against you day by day?

I dont know how i had made others feel so strong with my words when my words arent helping me at all. There is no conviction. There is only toxication. My words make me feel worse instead of better. I dont want to write about what happened so far. Because I dont like to recall bad memories. I dont intend to keep them. I only hope to struggle through these tired times. Sounds more like survival now. Survival.