Jokes.

Here are jokes that are collected from the net by me and my staff.

Little Red Riding Hood was skipping down the road when she saw the Big Bad Wolf crouching behind a log."My ",she said,"what big eyes you have,Mr Wolf". The wolf didn't reply, he just sprang up and ran away. Red Riding Hood thought that was strange but she kept on walking anyway. A bit further down the road, she came upon the Big Bad Wolf again. This time he was crouched behind a tree stump. "My ",she said,"what big ears you have,Mr Wolf". Again, the wolf just sprang up and ran off down the road."Curious," thought Red Riding Hood,as she kept on walking. Then, about two miles down the track, she came upon the Big Bad Wolf for a third time. This time he was crouched behind a road sign. "My", she said,"what big teeth you have,Mr Wolf". With this,the wolf leaped up and screamed, "Will you fuck off ? I'm trying to take a shit!"

A little kid got on a bus and sat down behind the driver. As soon as the bus pulled away from the kerb,the little kid screamed,"If my Dad was a bull and my Mum was a cow,I'd be a little bull!"The kid's screaming almost deafened the driver but he swallowed his anger and continued driving. Then the little kid screamed,"If my Dad was an elephant and my Mum was an elephant,I'd be a little elephant!"Again,the driver contained his rage. But when the kid kept on screaming and screaming about what he would be if his parents were different kinds of animals,the driver snapped and suddenly roared,"And what would you be if your Dad was Gay and your Mum was a Prostitute ?" "I'd be a bus driver!"the kid screamed."Just like you,you fat ugly cunt."

A Teacher was explaining to her students the meaning of the word 'definitely'. She told them 'definitely' means "absolutely,positively and without a doubt" and then asked them to use it in a sentence. Little Susie stood up and said,"The sky is definitely blue." "That's a very good try," said the teacher,"but sometimes the sky can be cloudy and grey. Anyone else?" "Water is definitely clear." "Well,it is sometimes," said the teacher,"but at other times it can be quite murky. Can't anyone properly use the word 'definitely' in a sentance?" Little Johnny raised his hand. "Can i ask a question?"he said. "Do farts have lumps?" "No,"the teacher answered."Why do you ask?" "Well ,"he said,"then I've definitely shit my pants."

A newlywed couple had a slight problem when it came to sex-the idea of confessing their desires was too difficult for them. Finally,they sat down to resolve the problem. The man and woman agreed on a code word. Anytime either partner wanted sex, all they had to do was innocently ask the other partner,"Do you want to do the washing?"So the weeks went on and things started to get better. The husband would nudge his wife in bed and say, "love,do you want to do the washing?"and they would have sex. The wife did the same when she felt frisky. One night,the husband went to bed early, as he was tired. His wife followed a few hours later. After getting in bed she felt the urge to root. She nudged her husband and whispered,"Honey ,do you want to do the washing?" "No thanks,"he said."It was only a small load tonight,so I did it by hand."

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