Ok, I wrote my remarks after every section.. Would like to see your answers to some of my questions. This was a tough one to get through.. Took me a few times and rewrites before I got a final paper.  Good writing!

Lesson One - Sunday, June 01, 2003

Who am I?  I am a woman.  I am a mother, made before I was ready to let go of my maiden years.  I am a fierce protector of my child.  I am a ditz.  I dye my hair red because I always wanted red hair.  Since I was 10 and saw The Little Mermaid I wanted red hair.   I wear contacts because I hate my glasses.  I am happy and I am loved.  I am a musician and pride myself on my voice.  I am a writer and a packrat, and I refuse to throw away the silly story I wrote in 5th grade just because it was I who wrote it.  I am a "squishy"... too soft to be a softy, and even sobbed like a child during the series finale of "Dawson's Creek".  I am ticked because I won't get my "Angel" fix until October.   I hate my body because of the changes that occurred when I was pregnant with my son, yet I am blessed to have been a part of the miracle of life.  I dwell on my past, yet look forward to tomorrow.  I am a dreamer and a cynic.  I am me, Ravenna Angelline!

Ok, first question is this:  Why do you feel the way you do above? For instance.. why dye your hair red? What makes you want to be something different? No answers needed.. just something to think on. I would like an answer as to the intrinsic value of your 5th grade story. What makes it so special? Does this make it sacred?

The story that I wrote is called “The Magical Years”.  I was invited to join in the “Young Authors Conference” and one of the deals is that only 2 students are chosen from each grade from each school to participate in the conference, and I was one of the students in my grade.  Each  student must write a story to share with the other students, and so I wrote my first story ever.  It’s silly, one of my characters (she’s 11 years old.) buys a lottery ticket and hits the jackpot… an amazing $1,000.  Which she then uses to buy a mansion, and then donates to charity… I’m laughing as I remember this… it’s pretty funny.  But when I wrote it, it gave me such a rush… it made me realize that I love to write… I’ve written so many short stories since then… all of them silly, and even a  few political satires (my best was in 10^th grade).  I have a passion for the written word, and that first silly story, is what made me realize it.  Yes, It is a sacred thing.  It calls up memories of a happier, more innocent time in my life.

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A Discussion on the Words; Sacred, Moral and True

Sacred

Good definition. I liked that a lot. 

Again, very good. Although they almost all are physical items, you related them to the feeling you have for them, what makes them sacred to you...

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Moral

Ah, morals and ethics? this is a tough one for me, because things that I see as “wrong” might not be  “wrong” to someone else.  I used to believe that sex before marriage was wrong but then I went ahead and had sex before marriage.  I violated my own ethical code, which just goes to show that people change and sometimes our morals change to suit our needs.

Ok, here is my first question.. What does the morality of another have to do with your morals? Morality by its very nature is generally a pretty personal thing.  Who determines morality? Who determines the morals you raise your family by? What caused you to change your morale outlook on premarital sex? Is it morally right to change our morals to fit situations?

Sometimes the morality of someone else affects me and my morals. Like the premarital sex deal. I believed that premarital sex was wrong because my church told me it was. I thought I would burn in hell if I even thought about sex before marriage. My views changed as I got older, and began to question the validity of the things I was taught. When I met my boyfriend (we were 16) he was already experienced in sexual matters, where I was not. His morals did not include “no sex before marriage”.  He didn’t see it as something that was “wrong”, but at that time, I still did. When we talked about sex, I didn’t know what to decide. I did a lot of soul searching before making my own decision about it, and I talked to a lot of people about it, too. I think every person determines their own morality, and when it comes to raising families, the morals of the parents are what are used as guidelines in teaching our children. Right now, my morals are what my son is learning, but he also learns some of his morals from his father, too. I’m not sure what to think on the morality of changing our morals to fit our situations. I’ve actually never been asked that question before. I guess it depends on what morals a person is changing and why. My premarital moral changed to fit my situation because I didn’t want to seem like an uptight or “frigid” girl. I wanted to fit in, and be accepted. I was looking for love in all the wrong places (granted it sounds stupid now, but back then I was pretty stupid about things).

Things that I believe are morally wrong now:

1. Arguing - it isn't good for people to argue constantly, because it can lead to unhealthy stress. An exception for this is if you have a valid reason.  And even then, it's not really arguing per say. Ex: My son's father and I argue about the fact that I feel he needs to be more involved in our son's life.  Our son needs a strong, healthy role model... and I firmly believe that every child needs a father, and that it should be its father. Though, sometimes even that is not an option, either for safety reasons or the death of one's parent.  You don't have to be a child's biological parent to be a mom or dad.

        What is the difference between an argument and a discussion? Sounds like a discussion you describe above.  Who determines what the valid reason is? What makes this morally wrong as opposed to morally right?

        The difference is that during a discussion, the people involved are acting like rational human beings, and in an argument, they are not. I guess if it’s a mutual topic of discussion then that is what is determined as a valid reason.My boyfriend and I, we argue, and when I think about it, I know it’s wrong, because our son sees this.It’s not healthy for him to see his mom and dad arguing over trivial things. It’s wrong when it becomes a habitual unhealthy practice, because instead of communicating, we are creating stress and hard feelings.

2. Drunk Driving - my dad is a habitual drunk driver.  I don't think that there really is a justifiable reason for driving around while intoxicated.  Drunk drivers kill so many people every day, and if they don't kill people, they hurt them.   My dad has been lucky so far in life (mostly since he had his license permanently revoked 4 years ago), but why tempt fate.

Ok, I get the picture, but why? What makes it morally wrong? Is it the act of drunk driving, even knowing what the result could be? Is this immoral because of the drinking or because it is irresponsible behavior?.

I can’t say that drinking in general is wrong, because I drink on occasion. What is wrong is drinking irresponsibly. When I go out, we have a designated driver (which usually turns out to be me). But what I believe is wrong is when even knowing the laws about drinking and driving, people still get behind the wheel and drive. It’s just plain irresponsibility.




3. Domestic Violence - there is no excuse for domestic violence.  A man, or even a woman should never strike someone they love.  My mom used to beat up my dad all the time when I was little.  It's very disturbing to see that sort of thing, and sometimes, it's even very hard to get out of that kind of situation. I guess the only reason one could justify domestic violence is if it is to save one's child or self.

Define domestic violence.. then define how this violates your moral code. I disagree in your reasoning here.. Doesn’t mean you are wrong, just that I disagree.. I understand how domestic violence is wrong, but look deeper.. when you discuss the justification.. What good can come of domestic violence? Deeper thoughts.

Domestic violence is when (usually) a couple get violent with each other. When hearing about domestic violence, it’s usually the man who would get violent with a woman, but it can be the other way around.  Domestic violence is physical, mental, emotional or even sexual abuse. It violates my moral code because it’s isn’t right to humiliate someone with that kind of abuse.  Watching my dad get beat up was disturbing, I kind of have a twisted vision of what love is supposed to be. I used think that it was okay for that kind of behavior to occur during a relationship, that that was what normal couples would do. As I got older, I learned that it wasn’t a good thing. When I think about justifying domestic abuse, I still don’t see any good reasoning for it. I don’t think there really is a justification for domestic violence.

4. Stealing- it isn't right to steal.  To take something that belongs to someone else is just plain dumb.  Thieves steal memories and time, not just the objects of their desire. But what if you're stealing something that would help you save your life or the life of someone you love?   Well, I guess then it would be a valid reason for stealing.

  Ok, loved the memories and time part.. it says why the stealing is wrong to you. Now explain a bit more on the validity of stealing.  Think deeper.. look at things from a spiritual and moral depth, as opposed to thinking of a socially acceptable reason. Does common good outweigh the morality of the act of stealing?

I guess I would say that if I was to steal something from someone for the common good of someone else, I would have to say yes, it does outweigh the act of stealing. I’m wracking my brain trying to think of this in a different way, but take the U.S. justification for starting the war with Saddam… now, I’m not in the military, and I don’t fully understand what’s going on over there… and granted there are things that I just don’t know for whatever reason, but it was said that Saddam was stockpiling nuclear and biological weapons. We (the US) could have gone in there and stolen that stuff from him, and disposed of it safely, for the common good of the world. That would be a justification for stealing.

5. Murder - there is never a good reason to take the life of another, because I firmly believe no one has the right to decide who lives and who dies.  It takes away the free will of others and is a direct violation of the Wiccan Rede.An exception to this is if you killed someone in self-defense.   If someone was trying to kill you or someone you loved, and you had to take the attacker's life or die, that is completely different.  But it is still something that will haunt you.

   Ok, define to me how you determine the violation of the Rede.  I am in agreement that killing is bad, but when is it necessary? And how is your interpretation of the rede allow that act of killing to be justified? What about events or professions, which may require you to kill, like police, soldier or executioner? Are these people bad because they do this?   Clarify, please, especially how the Rede plays a role. Check this against the other five points, and see how it fits in there, also.

6. Intolerance - people who are intolerant of another's beliefs, sexual orientation, ideas, ethnicity, or anything else are wrong.  It creates hostility and fosters harsh feelings between people.  Sometimes, intolerance is even the cause of war.  Take World War II for example.  Hitler was intolerant of the Jewish people of the world (felt it was the "Jew's" fault they lost WWI).   He sent thousands of Jews to death camps to die.  But not only Jewish people, there were people of African descent, gays and lesbians, and anyone else who spoke out against the actions of the majority. There should never be an exception to the wrongness of intolerance... well, I guess if someone believed that they had to sacrifice you in a hideous bloody ritual or something, you could be intolerant of that... but that's not really something that occurs on a day to day basis.

That was more of a sarcastic comment… sorry… sometimes when thinking of intolerance… I just get ticked off.  I was once accused of sacrificing babies and cats by a close friend… needless to say… we don’t talk anymore.  In order to be better people, we need to accept, and tolerate, that we are all different people… we’re different and at the same time we are the same.  In WW2, those people… all the people who died, bled the same color blood.  They cried the same kind of tears and had the same cries of fear.  We need to be responsible for the sins of past intolerance, but not dwell on them.  I don’t care about the “Burning Times” as much as some people do.  I understand that it was a real time in history, but that’s what it is.  History.  That was intolerance then, and it was intolerance during WW2, and it was intolerance on 9/11… let’s be responsible for the past, but not repeat it.  As Wiccans and pagans, it is our responsibility to teach others by living our lives with tolerance.  By living a life that tolerates the different races, sexual orientations and different religions, we teach by example.  We need to teach our children, so that they may go out into the world and teach others as well.  Hate and intolerance are not family values.

7. Abandonment - this violates at least 2 of the Five Points of Wiccan Belief.  The Wiccan Rede and the Law of Self-Responsibility.  I'm mostly speaking on the behalf of children who are abandoned, but also applies to many other forms of abandonment.   My sister and I were abandoned by our parents when we were 8 and 10 years old.  We were dropped off on our maternal grandmother's doorstep on Christmas morning and left there.  I remember how bad I felt.  How I wondered if I had done anything wrong and was I a "bad" daughter?   It is not a good thing to do to a child. Exception:  This worked out in my case as well.  My parents were not good parents.  They were good people, but incapable of raising us in a decent environment.  My dad couldn't remain sober for more than an hour at a time, and my mom was "dating" all sorts of slime balls and doing drugs.   As I got older and understood their reasons for doing what they did, I thank my lucky stars for it.  I grew up into a happy, healthy and for the most part, well-adjusted adult.

    

It violates the Rede because the act of abandoning a child hurts them. Maybe the reasons behind the abandoning are good, but it still hurts children, who usually don’t understand the dynamics behind their parents’ choices. It can also be an act of responsibility for an adult to leave their children in the care of someone they know and trust. It depends on the situation. But in the case of people who would rather party than raise their children, it’s wrong.  The abandonment of one’s beliefs and spirituality is a tough one.  It happens everyday.  People lose faith or in Christianity’s case, “lose their way”.  When someone abandons their faith, it is a deep personal thing.  Sometimes, it’s because those beliefs no longer fit the person they are right now.  I abandoned my previous faith because it didn’t fit me, and I didn’t agree with their belief system.  Self-abandonment is also a tricky subject.  To abandon one’s self is like giving up on life itself.  Would someone who committed suicide be under that sort of classification, abandoning their own self?  I guess I would say yes, they did.  They abandoned their own lives, for whatever reasons they might have.

8. Drugs - in the words of the South Park counselor Drugs are bad, mmkay?  My friends and I still joke about that episode.  I believe that drug abuse is very wrong.  I’ve seen countless lives destroyed because of drug abuse, my own abuse almost destroyed my life, but I changed my habits and quit when I learned I was pregnant.   I prayed to every mother goddess I could think of for my son to be healthy and not suffer because of it.
   An exception however, are drugs used for the relief of pain and suffering.  I have thought long and hard about Medical Marijuana use and have come to the conclusion that in some cases it is a boon more so than a bane.  I watched my uncle die a horrible death from cancer last year.   I was there the moment he died.  He would have died in a great deal of pain if it hadn’t been for the use of certain drugs administered by his doctor.  Drugs that in the wrong hands would have been abused.  He smoked pot in his last few months, but it helped him calm the nausea caused by his chemotherapy treatments, it helped soothe the pain he felt when he was stuck like a pincushion every week so that the doctors could check his blood count.   For him, marijuana was a blessing.

Drugs when used responsibly are not a bad thing.Drugs can relieve pain and heal the sick and wounded.  But sometimes, people get addicted to them, and find that they are unable to function without those drugs.  That’s when the fine line between use and abuse gets crossed.  Take cocaine for example, I do believe that cocaine was used regularly during the 1800’s and possibly during the early 1900’s (my history is a bit scratchy on that) for pain relief.  But cocaine is a highly addictive drug, and consequently was made illegal to use.  I know a recovering cocaine addict…he described the addiction like this: “Coke is a great 20 minute high… but after that, you find that you want more, and then you begin to chase the dragon… it grabs you by the balls and won’t let go.”  It’s the same with heroin… another drug long used in pain relief, and in some ways more dangerous.  It’s been said by professionals “once a heroin addict, always a heroin addict… even if you don’t do the heroin anymore… they find something else.”  I think abuse is definitely a not a good thing and is a problem for today’s society (though not as big as some other problems).  My friend, the recovering cocaine user, has been clean for 1 ½ years now.  It was hard for him to get that way, too.  He finally had to move away from home and go to 1 year in-patient treatment to get clean.  His addiction was destroying his life and his family.  The drugs made him violent, and he would put holes in the wall and fight anybody he could.  I remember telling him that he had a problem… he agreed that he did… I then said to him; “So what are you going to do about it now?”  It was what made him re-evaluate his actions and situation… and after some deep soul searching, he decided that he had to get help… and it had to be long term in-patient treatment therapy.

9. Lack of Responsibility - when people refuse to be accountable for their own actions... it is wrong.  It's not fair to other people around you when you aren't someone who can be trusted to be responsible.  In fact it's downright irritating.   What if you had to protect your child through lack of responsibility?  Or yourself?  This one is tricky, but say you had some project or other that you were responsible for.  What if, the night before you had to turn in this project, your spouse beat the crud out of you, and you took yourself and your children to a safe house to escape.   You didn’t return to turn in the project and now people are ticked off because of your irresponsibility.  Is it still wrong?  I don’t believe so, because that was an extreme situation.

Okay… you’re right… my logic wasn’t very good there.  But… when I began to think about it some more, I realized that a lack of responsibility can be justified.  This is my list of priorities for my life… 1).  My son comes first. 2). My college classes come next. 3). My job.  So when I think about it I know how one level of responsibility can be overridden by another.  My son is in daycare (we’re lucky, it’s right on campus at school), and if he gets sick, I get called out of class and have to take him home.  Now, here’s how my responsibility gets an override.  I have to keep 89% attendance in class to keep my financial aide going.  I will NOT miss school for anything… unless I’m on my deathbed, I’m in class.  But, when Aiden gets sick, I don’t have a babysitter to take care of him.  He is my first responsibility and I have to miss class for him.  My teachers kick butt on that one… they know when I’m not there it’s because of Aiden… and they also know, that I will come in when I get a chance and find out what we did in class, and I will turn in any and all assignments on time.  It’s the same for my job.  They know that I won’t miss work for anything other than my son, or my classes.  (Gods I am so lucky for that, too… most jobs are not as understanding as that! LOL)

10. Rape - is a cardinal sin.  Rape is the ultimate violation of the human body.  When another person uses force to physically assault and violate another, it is a huge violation of the Wiccan Rede.  I am a rape survivor.  I was humiliated, beaten, and abused for days as I lay victim to my attacker.   I was 10 years old.  And my attacker is still free.  He got away, and as far as I know, has never been caught.  My mother’s boyfriend at that time was my attacker.  I have an insane fear of intimacy now because of him, because of the things that he did to me, and made me do to him in return.   But, I am a survivor.  My boyfriend has helped me move past my fear, has helped me heal some of the wounds in my soul.  I still bear the scars of my attack, but they no longer paralyze me.  I don’t really believe that there is ever an excuse to justify someone raping someone else.

The Rede says “an it harm NONE, do as you will”, so the act of raping someone else is a direct violation of the Rede.  It was a traumatic event for me, and it took me a long time to heal from that.  I remember when I was younger it was my greatest wish to find my attacker and kill him for what he did.  But then I got older, and wiser, I realized that killing him would solve nothing.  It wouldn’t make the pain and humiliation go away, nor would it make the attack even go away.  I would just be stooping to his level.  I met my boyfriend when I was 15.  We didn’t start dating until a year later, and he would tease me about my fears of intimacy.  It wasn’t until long after we started dating that I even told him about my rape.  He was so shocked, and he cried for me.  He let me cry, he helped me talk about it, where before, I wanted to just forget it ever happened.  I locked it inside, which was so unhealthy for me to do.  He was such an amazing well of strength and understanding, that it helped me realize that it was going to be okay.  That I had the choice of being a victim or a survivor.  He helped me realize that I no longer wanted to be the victim, and it helped me realize that there are hundreds of thousands of girls everywhere who are victims…girls that think there is no one else who understands, that no one knows what it’s like.  I do a wee bit of counseling (not professional) but a few years back, my b/f’s younger brother had a girl friend who was raped by the boy she was dating.  She told Ryan (the b/f’s brother) about what happened in confidence, told him not to tell anyone.  But he couldn’t stay silent and told me, and asked me what he should do with this knowledge.  I asked for the girl’s phone number.  I called her, and I remember how awkward it was to talk to her about it.  Ryan and I knew she would be upset at my intrusion, but she needed help.  I helped her tell her parents, I helped her find the courage to call the police… and I was there when she went to identify her attacker.  We even helped her find a good group counseling center for rape survivors.  Now she is the one who helps others, and she has learned to not be a victim, but a survivor.  That is how I know that my rape changed my life.  It helped me be a better person, to have compassion, and to help teach other girls to stand up and shout out… “We are not victims, not EVER AGAIN!”

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True

What is truth?  Truth for me is something that I have a strong belief in, something that (hopefully) will never change..  Truth is supposed to be a constant, like the law of gravity, or the fact that the earth revolves around the sun.  But what is true now, may not have always been true to others.   People in Christopher Columbus’ time believed that the universe revolved around the earth and that the world was flat.  So our truths have not always been so.

Explore the truth a bit deeper. A question for you to ponder.. if I believe it to be true, is it true? Even in light of evidence to the contrary, what is your personal truth? What is an absolute truth? Can it ever exist?

If I believe something to be true, how do I know it’s true.  I just do… (sounds like an “AppleJacks” commercial).  My personal truth…  a personal truth is something that is true for me, like the things I listed below.  They are true to me, but maybe not to someone else.  An absolute truth is something that has been proven true, something that has been proven beyond the shadow of a doubt.  I sometimes wonder if there is such a thing as absolute truth (I think I’ve watched the “Matrix” one too many times) I’ve realized that in the last year or so, I question everything, I try to analyze the truths that people tell me before I decide what’s true and what’s not.  Take for example… I ran into an old high school acquaintance last year, and we were catching up on things that had been going on since school.  Turns out, he attends the same university as my sister, and even knew one of her old boyfriends (same fraternity together).  Now, this is funny, he told me that one night at a frat party, my sister got really high on drugs and drunk and slept with everybody there, including him.  Now, I know for a fact that it wasn’t true, because the night of this “supposed party” my sister and I were at the movies together, and had hung out all night together.  So I guess I could classify this as an absolute truth.  My sister did not get drunk and high and sleep with an entire frat house,  This is truth.

Things that are true for me:

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Broader thinking Question:

Back during this time frame, yes men were socialized to believe that women were nothing more than objects to be used for barter and sexual gratification.  (Well, probably not just those reasons, I wasn’t there, so how do I know for sure, right?)  Now the question is, are the men considered evil for a concept that back then could be considered socially acceptable.  Goodness… I didn’t really think about that… my logic has been escaping me as of lately.  Anyway, I guess I would have to say that no, these men were not evil for the practice of a socially acceptable custom.  Strange to have to analyze it this way.  The crime of rape is inherently evil, but not the custom of prima nocte. 

I think you have the right idea, and I loved reading your paper. You are very emotional and up front with your experiences. Please make whatever changes and answer the questions, but take your time and think deeper.  This is the hardest lesson of all of them, and the one most probable to be interpreted by others.   Excellent job, and cant wait to see how you answer my rambling questions...

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