So sick of this, doing ever thing I have to. One more bottle to wash away the pain, please come back some other day. Hate me later, and love me right. Kill the message and forget to fight. Still the mind kills.

Constant hysteria
Uncertainty with familiar values. Values of opinion, Values of character, Values of judgment. People of interest, items of pleasure, places of conflicting interest. I have few things of value thesis days? I hope to rid myself of all bindings, all matters of importance?s. I wish to simply not-do? no do any expectations, not due any obligations. Am I doing anything? By values I stand strong in principle. But lack hope to accomplish any thing. I want the difference, the death, the uncertainty. I want the Beauty.

"I?m in love, and I feel there is nothing I can do to fully express it." morgan
I Will Find a Way Damnit

So Vague
Fear of love and further obsessed, I walk back to the time of choice. A time of personal power, a time of will, a time of ?seeing?. Too long have I neglected personal thought, too long have I forgotten what it means to consider. The stars shined bright last, and the air was cool. I found a place in my heart, too long unexposed. Regretted, forgotten, overlooked, or careless? It?s nice to surprise yourself now and then. I am reminded how to be human, how to dream. Dream of the good, while living in the now. I know no wrong in my actions, I feel alive; as if I was born, killed or scarred. You might be alive, you might have lived, you might remember. We feel all of this, only now comes the deeper meaning to me. A Meaning of Life. A Meaning to Be Alive.

Required Kiss
So emotional time can become, were all a victim to my dilemma. A pain in my life I feel so sharp. A step, a mark, a mistake; I?ve made it clear. I do my best to be so happy, please and to satisfy. To fail my goals is to be empty. Right now Lindsay is the best thing that?s happened to me. A time a when I gave up, lost interest in the stale test of life. I felt I have ate my full. Then a new, a romantic, a dreamer entered my life. Do I now have purpose, do I now have focus? I do. I sleep each night well assured. Only waking to a impact of distance. Impact might be well, impact might be disserved. I find nothing ever comes easy. If not I would not care much. O but I do care? I care for the heart of a dreamer. I care for the feelings of my love.

What o what will come of the boy who would Forever.

If I did not feel wrong for the mistakes I make, I would be a shallow person.
I?m not shallow.

A stroke of genius in my favor, for telling events with certain measure.

I Burn.

Disappear for the day
That last entry was late last night after mush drinking at a party. I wish I was not as repetitive. Today went to waste, woke up at 9 and did nothing but recover from the poison. Watched 3 moves, and gained some unhealthy sleep. My body is sore from the gym yesterday, and I finally went to the store at 11pm, just to say I did something. I get so alone some times. Then I think of Lindsay, then I get sad. Se doing well, at a tournament all weaken. Her ambition at that age will all ways surprise me. That?s one of the thing I love about her. well Im making a list of things to do tomorrow so all keep busy. but Over all, im enjoying my life.

Crying Down The Empty Bottle
Do my own thing, and drink to hearts content. I cared so much for people around me. Watch there drinks, watch who they talked to. Refused to let some go home with others. I care so much. But the one I care the most about is 200 miles away. I feel so helpless, so god damn helpless. I see the worst in men, and the anger in man. I hate it all, I want to be there for her. I want to protect her from all the pain I see. I want to stop crying in my fears. I want to stop. Stop checking the phone every 5 min, stop wondering if your alright. I hate all men, I hate myself. I?m a piece of shit. I hate being so nice, I hate being so concerned. I hate letting others love me. Damn it. Why must I get so fearful, I?m so demanding, I?m so pathetic. I see other couples and want that love, I see my self and know I got it. I?m in love and she loves me. But I feel bad. So bad for the distance so bad for the way I makes both of us feel. So bad that I can?t hold her each night, so bad that I can wake to that beautiful face. So bad that I can bee there. Why must I live this way, always in complication. Why must I suffer. I know not of any acts tonight. I know only of the night mare my mind shows me. I think the worst, and pray that does not happen. I an broken and I cant call. Why, why must I wait. damn the phone, damn the msg. Damn you all that taunt me. I?m in love, and I feel there is nothing I can do to fully express it. Please be safe in the morning, or I can?t go on.

Breath Deep
These times are so accepting and yet my mind is unbelieving. It is so, and that happiness now comes too easy. I?ve often seen the world with a tortured soul. Can a dream become so real? I?m Undeserving, and accepting everything. I must be prejudice, I must judge, I must lead. But help me so and keep the interest, help to believe, help for myself.
Breath Deep.