I?ll talk about the good things later.
Words cannot possibly describe my Anger right now.

?Lord, please save me from your followers?

Silver flame in lanterns light
Must I be so argumentative, if only for the better. But I only hear of the worst. I curse my own words, I wish all things to be better. Still not, shall I ever win? Still not, will my words betaken so far. What do I want more than the tongue of a dreamer? Nothing. To speak only in beauty, and be the Giver. That?s not me, I am hurtful.I am sad, but I see only the best in others. I?m a perfect Optimist. So said is the life of this dreamer. Dreamer by heart but flawed, with a human mind. No need to continue; no need to speak on matters I concern. I fail with instinct, I fail with conceits. Damn all men in my world, damn all shadows in my sleep. Must I follow my own nature? I?ll be the Martyr.


Its been a long week at school. Tests, and heavy reading with lack of books. ?But nothing else matters any more. When I?m with you.? I get to go Lindsay, and hang with the Fokes. I need this break, well off to go play Obsession.
Thanks for the beautiful poem Lin.
(I love every thing you do for me)

I feel sick
Sick of school, sick of friends. Things just build and build, every ones in a bad mood. Every ones got problems now. No ones talking any more. 2 more days, 2 more days to fight the masses. 2 more days till I don?t care. No more angst, no more gossiped. I hate it all. People just forget how to get along over night. My names bob, and I had a bad day. It must be your fault. Must I care any more? Fix my problem, and ill show no credit. Help me out and I never return it. To each his own. To each myself. O me, to my own side of things, to my own anger at all. My anger will join, join the many and grow. No
I do not like hate, nor to I know of its advantage. Hate = pain, pain is appealing to some people. Not me, I wish not to grow with this custom.
And it pains me, to say I hate people.

Long Nails

Such a distance makes me Sad. This is so hard to endure each night. I live my own worries in my sleep. I awake each morning to a cold side; hoping to see your face in the morning. Then I want to cry. I want to scream out in a blind anger. So mad at what I must accept, Each morning.

Such a absence makes me Worry. Jealousy consumes my heart. I hate all thing near you. I hate my self for such reckless timing. Daily antics I wish to effect. Many names of which I know of no intent. A late night insight to a deeper understanding, but only said by tongue. So much I wish to know, Cut short.

Such a Person makes me Love. Unspeakable devotion, kingly respect. Assurance so unguarded, so pure I want to never awake from this fairytale. So perfect. I want it to last, and I want to be there. Such an aggressive passion, such a tender mind. The way of hope. So little I understand, Wanting more.

Such things that make me Regret.
Nothing.

For Us.

Just another Death.
My Shadow dream has resurfaced in my sleep. I?ve all most gone a year this time. Its always changing, the faces change, the objects change, the world is always different. Yet the same thing happens. I still get just as scared as when I was 6. Waking up to a cold sweet, dry mouth, and exhausted. I?ve had the same dream, for years, and I still can?t explain it, I can?t even remember it. I just know the feeling; I know nothing of how to describe it. I?ve yet to encounter any thing in my life that can come close to describe it.
What I do know?
I feel helpless, forced to fight. I?m not fighting to win. I can?t win. I fight, so I can live long and fight some more.

It make no since.

Mood:  sad
How can someone who?s only goal is to make people happy, be so disliked?

So painful.

Why is it so hard to accept the face value of life?

Well first day of class today, man I off to a bad start, I slept in for the first one, and then, the school messed up my classes, so I got to spend 1 hour in line changing my schedule. And trying to make 12 hours. Well its over, I?m starving, and at work? crap im here till 10 Again.

?Put a gun to my Head and paint the wall with my Brains.?

Why must my own mind Play such cruel tricks on me. I hate it, I hate it.
God, why cant the mind and the heart work together?
It hurts so much.

Flash Back
With lots of poison in my stomach, I was well occupied with how bad the Birthday Party was going. It started Late and the ?boy? left his own party for 1 hour. What was I to do but help myself to the bar. Many drinks later I had lost most of my motor-functions, and internal-dialogue. The party had gone to shit, and I was feeling good. So I called Lindsay. The first thing I herd was a Sob. ?freeze? I dropped my drink, and ran into a back room. Her mom had been yelling at her. My girl was crying, and I could do nothing. Then it came out. I?m reminded of a quote from Donnie Darko.
?I want it to be at a moment when it reminds me of how beautiful the world can be.?
I got that moment last night. When I got off the phone my heart was racing, hands trembling, eyes tearing up. I was pressed on the side of a couch, humbled over. My friend Nathan came by to check on me, and he gave me a hug. I let it all go, every thing I was holding back, I cried it out. Its so hard to accept moments like this, words can't describe how over whelming love can be. And your Never ready for it.

I?ll Continue to Burn.

"I don't mind the sun sometimes
the images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
and smell you in my clothes
Cinammon and sugary
and softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
through other peoples eyes"