Selfpitty.
I?m surrounded by friends, some are a life time, others aren?t worth keeping. But that don?t matter to me. I could care less about the people who surround me. I only worry about my beloveds judgment. Such a cruel game I play on myself. Twisting words, and reading wrong. Freaking at the slightest chance in lacking interest. I never learned the ups and downs. Only the good times, and the bad. I can?t take it. So painful are the thoughts of mine. So broken are my memories and fatal intentions. I want to be perfect , I want to stay happy. I want to roll with the pouches, and toss the dice. I want to be able to let go of an argument, and think of ways not to fight. I don?t want to be scared of my own complex. To be human, and unable to move on or forgive. That?s my pain, and I want nothing to do with it. I want to accept life for once.