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The following passages are unauthored by me.I received them in various emails and I have placed them for your leisurely pleasure. How may we salute them? ------------------------------- Our millions hats off to them ! -------------------------------
================================= ============================= 60 Ways To Keep Your Wife's Love ============================= 1- Make her feel secure- don’t joke about divorcing her, this will put a hole in your marriage. 2- Always greet her whenever you arrive 3- Your wife is a fragile vessel so take care of her- In this vessel there is a lot of goodness so treat her in a gentle manner. 4- Advice her in privacy and the best timing. Don’t advice her in the presence of others, it can be a type of humility 5- Be generous with her 6- Move out of your way for her, when she’s coming to sit get up and let her sit on your seat tell her: ‘sit here honey I warmed up the seat for you’ 7- Avoid anger. 8- Look good for her and smell great. 9- Don’t be rigid, you will broken- just because you are a man doesn’t mean you have to be harsh hearted 10- Be a good listener 11- Say yes for flattering and no for arguing. 12- Call your wife with the best names she likes to hear. 13- Surprise her secretly. Example: Bring her a watermelon when it’s not the season of watermelons. Pick and choose in surprising her, be an artist in surprising her pleasantly 14- Preserve the tongue 15- Accept her shortcomings/ everyone has one 16- Show your appreciation to her 17- Encourage her to be in touch with her kin relations 18- Speak topics of her interest. 19- Speak of her goodness in the presence of others 20- Shower her with gifts. The Prophet Muhammad said: give gifts and you’ll love each other’ It’s doesn’t matter how cheap or expensive the gift is, it’s the thought that counts! 21- Get rid of the same old routine once in a while, scrub the rust. Example: Buy her ticket to a vacation cruise or something that she will enjoy. 22- Think good of her 23- Ignore some of the words/actions you don’t like 24- Add a drop of patience- It can go a long way- Example: at her time of pregnancy, menses…etc 25- Expect and respect her jealousy. 26- Be humble 27- Don’t put a price on her happiness. 28- Help her around household chores just like Prophet Muhammad did. 29- You can’t force her to love her in laws, but help her respect and love your parents. 30- Show her that she is an ideal wife; each and every wife is an ideal wife in many ways, so make her feel that. 31- Make dua’a (pray) for her and always remember her in your Prayers. 32- Leave her past to ALLAH (GOD) 33- Don’t show her that you are doing favors by doing your duties 34- Satan is your enemy NOT your wife! 35- When eating, don’t only feed yourself, feed her TOO! - Not only does it go to the stomach but to the heart too. 36- Look at her as a precious pearl, treat her and take care of her like a precious pearl 37- Speaking of pearls show her YOUR pearls SMILE! . Don’t put your smile out-of-service when you reach home! Don’t be rigid, smiling is Sadaqah (Sadaqah (plural sadaqat) (Arabic: صدقة, IPA: [sˤɒdæqɒh]) is an Islamic term that means "voluntary charity". Prescribed charity collected or received for public welfare is known as Zakat.This concept encompasses any act of giving out of compassion, love or generosity (e.g. famine appeals). 38- Don’t hold grudges. Deal with the littlest matters and don’t ignore them, it will build up and will create a wall between you and your wife. 39- Avoid being harsh hearted and moody. 40- Respect her thinking; her thinking strengthens you. 41- Help her discover/develop her skills and her success within 42- Respect the boundaries of the intimate relationship- it’s a fragile matter. 43- Help her with the children; it’s not only her job it’s yours too! 44- Complement her! give her the gifts of the tongues 45- Don’t be a stranger to her meals, know your wife’s meals, and eat her food. 46- Let her know when you are traveling don’t just disappear, and also let her know about your arrival. 47- When arguments arise, deal with it and don’t run away from it. 48- Don’t share your home secrets with your friends. Keep your privacy, and don’t make it a garage sale. 49- Encourage each other to worship/obey ALLAH (GOD) Go for umrah (pilgrimage) together; listen to a lecture/recitation. 50- Engrave her rights in your heart and in your conscious 51- Treat her with kindness through happiness and sorrow 52- Don’t jump on your wife like a ball!, in fact polish your love with many kisses- A kiss is a messenger- alqubulah rasool 53- When disputes happen between you and your wife, don’t go and share it with the whole world. Don’t leave your wounds open for the germs 54- Show her that you care for her health. 55- Don’t think that you are right all the time!-No one Is perfect but Allah (God) 56- Share you happiness and sorrow with her. 57- Have mercy on her. 58- Be the shoulder she can lean on! 59- Accept her as she is, she’s a bent rib so don’t try to straighten it. *Side note: A dear friend once said: “a bent rib cannot be straightened, and in fact the beauty of it lies within its curve!” 60- Have good intentions for your wife. 60 Ways to Keep Your Husband's Love 1. Behave like a female, i.e. all the tenderness of a female–a man doesn't want a man for his wife! 2. Dress pleasantly/attracti vely. If you are a home -maker, don't stay in your sleeping suit all day. 3. Smell good! 4. Don't lay out all your problems on your husband as soon as he walks in. Give him a little mental break. 5. Don't keep asking him, "What are you thinking?" 6. Stop nagging non-stop before unless Allah (God) gives you something really to complain about. 7. Absolutely no talking about your spousal problems to anyone you meet, not even under the pretense of seeking help! If you think you want to solve legitimate marital issues, then go seek counseling with the right person who can give advice in either: 8. Be kind to your mother-in-law the same way you would like your husband to be kind to your own mother. 9. Learn all the rights and obligations of each other in Islam. Focus on fulfilling your obligations, not demanding your rights 10. Race to the door when he comes home, as if you were waiting for him. Smile and hug him. 11. Keep your house clean, at least to the level that he wants it. 12. Compliment him on the things you know he's not so confident about (looks, intelligence, etc.) This will build his self-esteem. 13. Tell him he's the best husband ever. 14. Call his family often. 15. Give him a simple task to do at home and then thank him when he does it. This will encourage him to do more. 16. When he's talking about something boring, listen and nod your head. Even ask questions to make him think you're interested. 17. Encourage him to do good deeds. 18. If he's in a bad mood, give him some space. He'll get over it, inshaAllah (God willing). 19. Thank him sincerely for providing you with food and shelter. It's a big deal. 20. If he's angry with you and starts yelling, let him yell it out while you're quiet. You will see your fight will end a lot faster. Then when he's calm, you can tell him your side of the story and how you want him to change something. 21. When you're mad at him, don't say "YOU make me furious", rather, "This action makes me upset". Direct your anger to the action and circumstance rather than at him. 22. Remember that your husband has feelings, so take them into consideration. 23. Let him chill with his friends without guilt, especially if they're good guys. Encourage him to go out, so he doesn't feel "cooped up" at home. 24. If your husband is annoyed over a little thing you do (and you can control it), then stop doing it. Really 25. Learn how to tell him what you expect without him having to guess all the time. Learn to communicate your feelings. 26. Don't get mad over small things. It's not worth it. 27. Make jokes. If you're not naturally funny, go on the internet and read some jokes, and then tell them to him. 28. Tell him you're the best wife ever and compliment yourself on certain things you know you're good at. 29. Learn to make his favorite dish. 30. Don't ever, EVER talk bad about him with friends or family unnecessarily. If they end up agreeing with you, you will see that it hits you back in the face because you get more depressed that you have a bad husband–and other people also think you have a bad husband. 31.. Use your time wisely and get things accomplished. If you're a home-maker, take online classes and get active in your community. This will make you happy and a secondary bonus is that it impresses your husband. 32. Do all of the above feel sabeelillah and you will see Allah (God) put barakah (good luck) in everything you do. 33. Husband and wife should discuss and communicate with wisdom with each other to convey what they like and dislike of each other to do or not to do. Do NOT give commands or instructions like he's your servant. "They are garment to each other" [Surah Baqarah, 2:187] 34. Tell your husband you love him, many, many times. Aisha, radiallahu anha, narrated that the Prophet Muhammad, used to ask her how strong was her love for him, she said like "a knot." And the next time he would ask her, "How is that knot?" He also used to reply to her saying, "Jazzakillah, O Aishah, wallahi, you have not rejoiced in me as I have rejoiced in you." 35. Have a race with your husband and let him win, even if you are much fitter and stronger than him. 36. Keep fit and take care of your health so you will remain a strong mother, wife, cook and housekeeper, Insha’ALLAH (GOD) you will not get FAT and frumpy.. 37. Refine and cultivate good mannerisms i.e do not whine, don't laugh or talk too loud or walk like an elephant. 38. Do not leave the house without his permission and certainly not without his knowledge. 39. Make sure all his clothes are clean and pressed so he is always looking fresh and crisp. 40. Don't discuss important/controver sial matters with him when he is tired or sleepy. Find right time for right discussion. 41. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. 42. Always let him know that you appreciate him working and bringing home the "dough". It makes it easier for him to go to work. 43. Make sure you ALWAYS have something for dinner. 44. Brush your hair, everyday. 45. Don't forget to do laundry. 46. Surprise him with gifts. Even necessities, such as new shoes, can be gifts. 47. Listen to him. (Even when he talks about extremely boring things like basketball or computers.) 48. Try (hard as it might be) to take interest in his hobbies 49. Try not to go shopping too much … and spend all his money. 50. Look attractive and be seductive towards him. Flirt with him. 51. Learn tricks and "techniques" to please your husband in intimacy. (Of course goes both ways.) 52. Prepare for special evenings with him with special dinner and exclusive time (no children permitted).. 53. Take care of your skin, especially your face. The face is center of attraction. 54. If you are not satisfied intimately, talk to him and tell him. Help him or provide resources, don't wait until matters become worse. 55. Ask Allah (God) to strengthen and preserve the bonds of compassion and love between the two of you, every day, every prayer. Ask him to protect that bond from satan. When a lesser devil destroys the love between spouses, he is the most beloved of satan. Nothing works like du'ah (prayer), and love only exists between spouses where Allah (God) instills it. 56. Don't EVER compare your husband’s to other husbands! For example don't say, "Well her husband doesn't do that, why do you …" (that’s a killer!) 57. Be happy with what you have because no one is perfect. If you want perfection, wait until you enter Jannah (heaven) together inshaAllah (God willing)–and of course, vice versa! 58. Strive for Allah (God)'s love first and foremost! if all wives try to seek Allah (God)'s love and pleasure, surely, they can keep their husbands love too. And remember–if Allah (God) loves you, the angels will love you, and the entire creation will love you. 59. If you pack a lunch for your husband to take to work, from time to time, sneak in a little love note or sweet poem. If he doesn't take a lunch, leave the note somewhere else for him to find, like in his briefcase, or wallet or on the car steering-wheel 60. Pray together (Wake him up for Qiyam ul-Layl (in the last third of the night) and ask him to pray with you.) (Above is written by a Muslim, hence references to Allah (God), Prophet Muhammad and Holy Quran (the Holy book of Muslims with a little editing by me. Adopt what you can to make your marriage a success ==============END===================== ====================== 10 Amazing Coincidences ====================== What's in a Name? A computer error gave two women in America called Patricia the same social security number. When the two women were brought together in an office to rectify the blunder they discovered that •They had both been born with the names Patricia Ann Campbell •Both of their fathers were called Robert Campbell •Their birthdays were on 13th March 1941 •They had both married military men in the year 1959 (within eleven days of each other) •They each had two children aged 19 and 21 •They both had an interest in oil painting •Both had studied cosmetics •Both had worked as book-keepers ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------- Bullet With Your Name on It In 1893, Henry Ziegland ended a relationship with his girlfriend. Tragically, his girlfriend took the news very badly, became distraught and took her own life. Her distressed brother blamed his sister's death upon Henry, he went round to Henry's house, saw him out in the garden and tried to shoot him. Luckily, the bullet only grazed Henry's face and embedded itself in a nearby tree. In 1913, twenty years after this incident, Henry decided to use dynamite to uproot a tree in his garden. The explosion propelled the embedded bullet from the tree straight into Henry Ziegland's head - killing him immediately. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------- Lucky Hughs? On December 5th 1660, a ship sank in the straights of Dover - the only survivor was noted to be Hugh Williams. On 5th December 1767, another ship sank in the same waters - 127 lost their lives, the only survivor was noted to be Hugh Williams On 8th August 1820, a picnic boat capsized on the Thames - there was one survivor - Hugh Williams. On 10th July 1940, a British trawler was destroyed by a German mine - only two men survived, one man and his nephew - they were both called Hugh Williams. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------- With a Quack Quack Here Mr McDonald was a farmer who lived in Canada - nothing extra-ordinary in that - until you learn that his postcode contained the letter sequence EIEIO. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------- 'Til Death Did Them Part In 1996, Paris police set out to investigate a late night, high speed car crash, both drivers had been killed instantly. Investigations revealed that the deceased were in fact man and wife. Police initially suspected some kind of murder or suicide pact but it became apparent that the pair had been separated for several months - neither could have known that the other would have been out driving that night - it was just a terrible coincidence. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------- She's Behind You! Michael Dick had been travelling around the UK with his family to track down his daughter, Lisa - who he had lost contact with ten years earlier. After a long fruitless search, he approached the Suffolk Free Press, who agreed to help him by putting an appeal in their newspaper. Fortunately, his long lost daughter saw the appeal and the pair were reunited. The odd thing was, his daughter had been right behind him when the free paper took the photograph - shown in the photograph above. What are the chances of that! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------- Licensed To Thrill A fifteen year old pupil at Argoed High School in North Wales was to sit his GCSE examinations in 1990. His name was James Bond - his examination paper reference was 007. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------- What Goes Around…. In 1965, at the age of four, Roger Lausier was swimming off a beach in Salem - he got into difficulties and was saved from drowning by a woman called Alice Blaise. In 1974, on the same beach, Roger was out on a raft when he pulled a drowning man from the water - amazingly, the man he saved was Alice Blaise's husband. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------- Lightning Never Strikes Twice? British cavalry officer Major Summerford was fighting in the fields of Flanders in the last year of WW1, a flash of lightning knocked him off his horse and paralysed him from his waist down. He moved to Vancouver, Canada, six years later, whilst out fishing, Major Summerfield was struck by lightning again and the right side of his body became paralysed. After two years of recovery, it was a summers day and he was out in a local park, a summer storm blew up and Major Summerfield was struck by lightning again - permanently paralysing him. He died two years after this incident. However, four years after his death, his stone tomb was destroyed - it was struck by lightning! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------- Practice What You Preach Businessman Danie de Toit made a speech to an audience in South Africa - the topic of his speech was - watch out because death can strike you down at any time. At the end of his speech, he put a peppermint in his mouth, and choked to death on it! ====================END============== ================= How to Catch a LION ================= Newton 's Method: ---------------------------- Let, the lion catch you. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Implies you caught lion. Einstein Method: ----------------------- Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily. Indian Police Method: ------------------------------- Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion. Rajnikanth Method : ----------------------------- Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime. The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself. Jayalalitha Method: --------------------------- Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping ! Manirathnam Method (director): ------------------------------ Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted. Keep murmuring something in its ears. The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide. Karan Johar Method (director): ------------------------------ Send a lioness into the forest. Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other. Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion. First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness. But 2nd lioness loves both lions. Now send another lioness (third) into the forest. You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont! Yash Chopra method (director): ----------------------------- Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location. Govinda method: ------------------------ Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days. Menaka Gandhi method: ------------------------------------ Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously. George bush method: ------------------------------- Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!! Rahul Dravid s method: ---------------------------------- Ask the lion to bowl at u. U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run Lion tired and surrenders Software Engineer Method: ----------------------------------------- Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion. ================END============ ============== Lessons in Logic ============== If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity. ..................................................................................... .... I was born intelligent - education ruined me. ..................................................................................... ..... Practice makes perfect..... But nobody's perfect....... so why practice? ..................................................................................... .... If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? ..................................................................................... .... Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak. ..................................................................................... .... How come "abbreviated" is such a long word? ..................................................................................... .... Money is not everything.. There's Mastercard & Visa. ..................................................................................... .... One should love animals. They are so tasty. ..................................................................................... .... Behind every successful man, there is a woman And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. ..................................................................................... .... Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. ..................................................................................... ..... The wise never marry. and when they marry they become otherwise. ..................................................................................... ..... Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives. ..................................................................................... .... Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today. ..................................................................................... .... "Your future depends on your dreams" So go to sleep ..................................................................................... .... There should be a better way to start a day Than waking up every morning ..................................................................................... .... "Hard work never killed anybody" But why take the risk ..................................................................................... ..... "Work fascinates me" I can look at it for hours ..................................................................................... ..... God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends. ..................................................................................... .... The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget The more you forget, the less you know So... why learn. ..................................................................................... ........ A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.... what more can I say........ __._,_.___ ============================ Interesting Facts one should Know!!! ============================ 'Stewardesses' is the longest word typed with only the left hand . And 'lollipop' is the longest word typed with your right hand. (Bet you tried this out mentally, didn't you?) No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple. 'Dreamt' is the only English word that ends in the letters 'MT. ? (Are you doubting this?) Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. The sentence: 'The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog' uses every letter of the alphabet. (Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for accuracy, right?) The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes) . (Yep, I knew you were going to 'do' this one.) There are only four words in the English language which end in 'dous': tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. (You're not doubting this, are you?) There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: 'abstemious' and 'facetious.' (Yes, admit it, you are going to say, a e I O U) TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. (All you typists are going to test this out) A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. (Some days that's about what my memory span is.) A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes . A snail can sleep for three years. (I know some people that could do this too.!) Almonds are a member of the peach family. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that also) Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age. February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon. In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite! Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.. The cruise liner, QE 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. (Good thing he did that.) The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid. There are more chickens than people in the world. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance. Women blink nearly twice as much as men. Now you know more than you did before =================END==================== ==================== ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER ===================== Ever wonder about the abbreviation of A. S. A. P. ? Generally we think in terms of even more hurry and stress in our lives. If we think of this abbreviation in a different manner, we may begin to find a new way to deal with those rough days along the way. ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER There’s work to do, deadlines to meet You’ve got no time to spare. But as you hurry and scurry … ASAP ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER In the midst of family chaos, “quality time” is rare. Do your best; let God do the rest … ASAP ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER It may seem like your worries are more than you can bear. Slow down and take a breather … ASAP ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER God knows how stressful life can be and wants to ease our cares. He’ll respond to all your needs … ASAP ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER Today I’m saying a little prayer that God will send a smile to you and send you special blessings through everything you have to do. ===================================== ======================== Charli Chaplin's 3 Statements:- ======================== 1st “Nothing is permanent in this world, not even our troubles” 2nd “ I like walking in the rain, because nobody can see my tears” 3rd “ Important” “The most wasted day in life, is, the day, in which, we have not laughed ========================================== =============== ========================= We have 3 stupid stages of life ========================= [1] Teen age: Have Time + Energy …but No Money [2] Working Age: Have Money + Energy …but No Time [3] Old age: Have Time + Money …but no Energy. =================END============== ================== The secret of marriage. ================== When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. David Bissonette After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. Sacha Guitry By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Anonymous The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want? Dumas I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Sigmund Freud 'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.' 'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.' Sam Kinison 'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.' James Holt McGavra Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. Patrick Murra The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.... Nash You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. Anonymous My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Henny Youngman A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Rodney Dangerfield A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.' Anonymous First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!' Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.' Anonymous =========================================== ======= Attitude =================================== 1. Lost his job 2. Got defeated for legislature 3. Started business and failed 4. Wife died of a fatal disease 5. Experienced nervous breakdown 6. Contested in election for speaker in legislature and lost 7. Tried for nomination in a political party and lost 8. Applied for post of land officer and didn’t get it 9. Contested for senate and lost 10. Contested for vice president and lost 11. Again contested for senate and lost AND TWO YEARS LATER….. GOT ELECTED AS PRESIDENT OF AMERICA ABRAHAM LINCOLN ===================END==================== =============================== =================== INTERESTING STUFF =================== Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language. ------------------------------------------- The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone. ------------------------------------------- Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury. ------------------------------------------- Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better. ------------------------------------------- Coca-Cola was originally green. --------------------------------- ---------- It is impossible to lick your elbow.. ------------------------------------------- The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska ------------------------------------------- The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...) ------------------------------------------- The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38% ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs -Alexander, the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what? A. Their birthplace ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?< /B> A. Obsession ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'? A.. One thousand ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? A. All were invented by women. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil? A. Honey ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year? A. Father's Day ------------------------------------------------------------ In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase.......... 'goodnight, sleep tight.' ------------------------------------------------------------------------ It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.' It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's' ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by th is practice. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when... 1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave. 2.. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three. 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses. 6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries. 7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen 8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it. 10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee. 11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : ) 12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing. 13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to f orward this message. 14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.. 15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list. =================END================= ============================= Funny full forms of Big Companies ============================ 1. NIIT : Not Interested in IT 2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output 3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses 4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions 5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems 6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping 7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds 8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines 9.. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly 10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors 11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings 12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible 13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort 14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers 15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go 17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd. 18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India 19. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees. 20. MASTEK: Mad And Stupid Technitians Enroute to Kabaarkhana 21.PATNI : Pathetic Appraisal Techniques, No ============================================= ========== Matrimonial ------------------ A news paper had a humour page with following matrimonials published in it. ======================================== BANKER: Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service. CAR MECHANIC: Wanted a sturdy wife. Should be in working condition. Should be above average and must run the household at a good average. DOCTOR: Recently a love-bug injected in me a strange bacteria, making me desirous of marriage. I'm looking for a girl who is patient and has knowledge of all ills and pills, is religious minded and keeps away from all sins be it anasin, metasin or crosin. I promise to be a good doctor with no side effects. Apply or reply. DRUNKER: Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a soda factory. I am an occasional alchoholic who drinks only when friends come home. Friends come home only seven times a week. Girl preffered will carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally or send soda for trial. Sample should be ample. LAWYER: I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of husband after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord I.e. Myself. Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence. SOFTWARE ENGINEER: Wanted a Girl with a Lovely Look & Feel, Good GUI with Security features (privileges only for the Specific User especially critical Functionalities). There must not be any Critical or Medium Bug in her. LowBugs can be deferred But needs to B fixed by the Next Build. She Must not be PLATFORM INDEPENDENT, USER FRIENDLY. We are ready to Test the Application & CERTIFY the product but we will assure it will never be released to ANY OTHER Customer. ===============end========================= ================================== PATNI CHALISA ============= Namo-namo patni maharani, tumhari mahima koi na jani... || 1 || Hamne samjha tum abla ho, par tumto sabse badi bala ho... || 2 || Jis din haath me belana aawe, Uss din PATI khub chillave.... || 3 || Saare bed pe PATNI sove, PATI baith farsh par rove.... || 4 || Tumse hi ghar MATHURA KASI, aur tumse hi ghar Satyanasi... . || 5 || PATNI CHALISA jo nar gave, sab sukh chhod param dukh paave..... || 6 || ================================= ========================= The Basics of RSS By Werner Schamberger (c) 2007 What is RSS? ========================= You probably have seen this three-letter acronym in the course of your internet surfing. RSS stands for Really Simple Syndication or Rich Site Summary; syndicating means republishing an article that comes from another source such as a website. A RSS feed is a means of publicizing updates about websites. It may or may not include a summary and photos of the latest posting. But those that provide summaries (thus Rich Site Summary) allow users to skim through the article so that they can decide later on if they want to access the website source. The RSS feed usually contains the title of the update originating from the website. It is also usually the link to the website source. What are the Benefits of RSS? RSS provides benefits to both readers (users) and web publishers. 1. It gives you the latest updates. Whether it is about the weather, new music, software upgrade, local news, or a new posting from a rarely-updated site, you can learn about the latest as soon as it comes out. 2. It saves on surfing time. Since an RSS feed provides a summary of the related article, it saves the user's time by helping s/he decide on which items to prioritize when reading or browsing the net. 3. It gives the power of subscription to the user. Users are given a free-hand on which websites to subscribe to in their RSS aggregators which they can change at any time they decide differently. 4. It lessens the clutter in your inbox. Although your email address will be required to enjoy the services of online RSS aggregators, RSS does not use your email address to send the updates. 5. It is spam free. Unlike email subscriptions, RSS does not make use of your email address to send updates thus your privacy is kept safe from spam mails. 6. Unsubscribing is hassle-free. Unlike email subscriptions where the user is asked questions on why s/he is unsubscribing and then the user is asked to confirm unsubscribing, all you have to do is to delete the RSS feed from your aggregator. 7. It can be used as an advertising or marketing tool. Users who subscribe to or syndicate product websites receive the latest news on products and services without the website sending spam mail. This is advantageous to both the web user and the website owner since advertising becomes targeted; those who are actually interested in their products are kept posted. What are the Drawbacks of RSS? The disadvantages of RSS stem from user-preference concerns and the fact that it is a new technology. 1. Some users prefer receiving email updates over an RSS feed. 2. Graphics and photos do not appear in all RSS feeds. For conciseness and ease of publication, RSS feeds do not display the photos from the original site in announcing the update except for some web-based aggregators. 3. The identity of the source website can be confusing. Since RSS feeds do not display the actual URL or name of the website, it can sometimes get confusing on what feed a user is actually reading. 4. Publishers cannot determine how many users are subscribed to their feed and the frequency of their visits. Moreover, they do not know the reasons why users unsubscribe which could be important in improving their advertising. 5. RSS feeds create higher traffic and demands on the server. Most readers still prefer the whole update over a brief summary of the entry, thus they still access the site. 6. Since it is a new technology, many sites still do not support RSS. How Do I Start Using RSS? There are two things needed: an RSS feed and an RSS aggregator or reader. The RSS feed comes from an RSS-supported website. There are also websites that provide a list of RSS feeds from different websites. An RSS aggregator is used to read the RSS feed from the source website. It scans and collects data on the latest RSS feeds from the worldwide web. An aggregator comes in two forms: a downloadable program, also known as a desktop aggregator, and an online or web-based aggregator. Downloadable aggregators may require payment before they can be acquired, while internet-based aggregators are usually free of charge. All you need to do is to register an account and you are ready to use their services. Both versions allow you to customize, or choose, which RSS feeds to enter. Paid aggregators are usually chosen by more experienced users and they usually allow more freedom in customizing feeds. 1. Choose an RSS aggregator to use. For beginners, web-based aggregators are recommended since they are usually user- friendly. 2. Scan the homepage of your target website for the RSS or XML button. It contains the RSS code you need to enter in the aggregator. Copy this code. Syndic8 (http://www.syndic8.com/) provides a directory of websites that support RSS. 3. Paste the code (which contains the URL of the website) in your aggregator. There is a space provided for pasting the code. After you have done these three easy steps, you can start reading the RSS feeds coming from the website. New postings appear as they are published in real time at the source website. RSS and Internet Marketing The original idea of RSS came from Netscape, where the intention was to provide a means for users to customize their personal homepages with links to websites that were of interest to them, similar to bookmarking websites. The application of RSS to internet marketing was an unforeseen development to RSS technology developers. Since users are given the freedom to add RSS feeds to their aggregators, those who are interested in particular products and services available on the internet can now be notified real time. Marketing becomes more specific to interested people and not a hit-and-miss operation. Medium to big-scale companies who intend to use RSS for marketing their products and services should consider linking up with email account providers, (e.g. Yahoo, MSN, Google mail); networking websites (e.g. Friendster, Multiply, My Space, Hi5); websites of newspapers and television network websites (e.g. New York Times, CNN). Smaller companies can also look at networking websites as well as personal blog websites (e.g. Blogspot) and websites of clubs and organizations that would probably make use of their products or services e.g. a fishing supplies store can look for the website of their local fishing club for possible RSS marketing. Clearly, RSS is an innovation in worldwide web information management as well as online marketing. We can expect better RSS technology in the not-so-distant future as its popularity increases among users and website owners alike. ====================================================== ========== Werner Schamberger is CEO of http://www.homework-online.ws and http://www.best-articles-online.info. He is an entrepreneur and author. ---------------------------- ================== ARTICLE START ================== There are many ways in which you can create a blog, the easiest being to use a blog host such as Blogger or Wordpress.com. Using these, you can create your blog on any topic you want and even customize it to suit your needs to a certain extent. I say `to a certain extent' since no blog that is operated from a blog host's website can ever be truly yours, and you consequently have limited control over the design and occasionally even the content of your blog. That is because neither the software needed to manage the blog, nor the files that hold your content, are contained on your website, but on that of somebody else. That `somebody else' is either the operator of Blogger or of Wordpress, or whatever blogging host you happen to be using. So what does that mean to you in practise? I have no intention of going over the pros and cons of the hosted versions of Wordpress and Blogger, and have provided a link on my website that provides that information for you, but it should be clear to anybody that if you host your own blog from your own website, you have much more control and latitude in the design, formatting and content of your blog. It is not difficult to upload Wordpress to your website and run it from there. You can then upload any number of the multitude of plugins and templates available to enable you to design your blog in any way you want. You can change the appearance and content not only of your navbar, but can use html to change practically every aspect of your blog to suit your needs. The question you will be asking is how you get Wordpress onto your own website. It is easier than you think. Wordpress.org provides the software, and you have to upload it to your website into a directory of your choice. The easiest way is to use an ftp client, and you can get information on good free ftp software on my website or blog. You then have one or two alterations to make to some of the files and you are done. You have a blog that you can change to suit your own needs without any of the restrictions that are imposed by the Wordpress website. You can change the template to any of the thousands on offer online, either free or paid, and you can also use software to design your own or to customize the templates to your own design. You can change the whole look and feel of your blog, and offer whatever links that you feel necessary. You can put whatever adverts on your blog that you want, including Adsense blocks, and use your blog to make you money. Creating a blog is easy, and if you know how to create a blog exactly as you want it, then you will have a great tool at your disposal that you can use to promote any product you want, and also to make direct sales, either of products or of advertising. There are many ways in which you can use your blog either to promote products or to earn money through advertising. You have few restrictions when operating a Wordpress blog from your own website; all you have to know is how to do it. Once you know how to create a bog on your own site, you can harness the power of blogs to achieve what want to achieve with your website. There are few limits and your imagination will be your major asset, so use it. About The Author: To learn bow to create a blog on your own website and how to use your blogs to make money, check out Pete's website http://www.create-a-blog.net where you will not only be given useful tips, but also links to websites that can help you. ============================ [1] હશે કારણ કોઈ બીજું કે હું લથડી ગયો હોઈશ, હકીકતમાં તો હું પીતો નથી પણ પી ગયો હોઈશ ! - જલન માતરી [2] અમને તો મહોબ્બત છે પછી તારી જે મરજી ટપલી કે તમાચો હો અમે ગાલ ધર્યો, લે ! - મરીઝ [3] શોકનો માર્યો તો મરશે ન તમારો ‘ઘાયલ’ હર્ષનો માર્યો મરી જાય તો કહેવાય નહીં ! - અમૃત ‘ઘાયલ’ [4] નૈન ભીના, શ્વાસ ઊના એટલે થઈ જાય છે, કોઈ પણ ખાનું ઉઘાડો, એમનો કાગળ હશે ! - કીર્તિ વાઘેલા [5] જીવનનો અર્થ આવ ! કાનમાં કહું તને, પહેલો પુરુષ એક વચનની એ શોધ છે ! - શોભિત દેસાઈ [6] અમારા દોસ્તનો જરા આ પ્યાર જોઈ લો, જનાજો નીકળ્યો ત્યારે દિલાસો આપવા આવ્યા ! - આશિત હૈદરાબાદી [7] જમાનાના બધા પુણ્યો જમાનાને મુબારક હો, હું પરખું પાપને મારા, મને એવા નયન દેજે ! - નાઝિર દેખૈયા [8] વિતાવી મેં વિરહની રાત તારાં સ્વપ્ન જોઈને, કરૂં શું મારી પાસે એક પણ તારી છબી નહોતી ! - બરકત વિરાણી ‘બેફામ’ [9] ભૂલથી પણ એ ભાવ તો પૂછે, આખે આખી દુકાન આપી દઉં ! - ઉદયન ઠક્કર [10] નજર લાગી જવાનો જેમને ડર હોય છે ‘નૂરી’ હું બંધ આંખો કરીને એમના દર્શન કરી લઉં છું ! - મૂસા યુસુફ ‘નૂરી’ [11] મન ઘણી વાર અકારણ ઉદાસ પણ લાગે, નર્યા એકાંતનો ખુદને ય ભાર પણ લાગે ! - ડૉ. રશીદ મીર [12] સતત ફરતા રહે છે ચક્રના પૈડાની ઝડપે સૌ, અહીંયા ઘૂમવાનો અર્થ માણસ એટલે માટી ! - મનોજ ખંડેરિયા [13] જીવનનાં બધાં પાપ જે ધોઈ નાખે, નયન પાસ એવું રૂદન માગવું છે ! - મુકબિલ કુરેશી [14] સહન કરેલ તમાચા સમાજના છે ‘અમીન’ અમારા ગાલ ફક્ત કુદરતી જ લાલ નથી ! - ‘અમીન’ આઝાદ [15] હું મારા ઘરમાં રહી ખુદ મને મળી ન શકું, ખુદા કોઈને કદી એમ લા-પતા ન કરે ! - નૂર પોરબંદરી [16] ભલે દેખાવમાં ભોળાં અને નિર્દોષ લાગે પણ, મચાવ્યા છે ઘણા દિલમાં ઘણા તોફાન ફૂલોએ ! - અજ્ઞાત [17] પગલાં પૂજાય એવું ગમન હોવું જોઈએ, સમજાય છે કે કેવું જીવન હોવું જોઈએ ? - રતિલાલ ‘અનિલ’ [18] કથા બે દિલની જુદી છે જે કહેવામાં નથી હોતી, અલગ છે મૌનની ભાષા, જે લખવામાં નથી હોતી ! - ચંદ્રા જાડેજા [19] યુવાની ગઈ છતાં પણ એ જીવન – શણગાર લાગે છે, કળી કરમાઈ ગઈ છે, તો ય ખુશબૂદાર લાગે છે ! - આસિમ રાંદેરી [20] અંધને આંખો મળે એ રીતથી મળ્યા તમે, ચાંદ બદલે આજ તમને તાકવાનું મન હતું ! ========================== આદમથી શેખાદમ સુધી_ શેખાદમ આબુવાલા ========================= સત્તા એક પતંગિયું ખુરશી પર બેઠું હતું સામે કરોડો હાથીઓ ધ્રુજતા ઉભા હતા…. પેન્શન ડેરીફાર્મની સામે એક ગાય વાગોળે દૂધનાં બિલો જુનાં.. પ્રાર્થના એક ઉંદર પ્રાથના કરતો હતો ! હે પ્રભુ આખો હિમાલય ’ચીઝ’નો થઈ જાય તો તારા ચરણમાં પાંચ શ્રીફળ ’ચીઝ’નાં, નાઇટ_લવ બેવફા સૂરજથી કંટાળીને ઘૂવડોએ રાત સાથે પ્રીત બાંધી. સિંહાવલોકન ગીરમાંથી આવેલા મારા એક મહેમાને પ્રાણી ઘરના પિંજરમાં પહેલી વાર જિવનમાં મારી સાથે સિંહ જોયો. કાગવાણી એક કાગડો ઊડી હંસની કને પહોંચ્યો, હાથ જોડી એ બોલ્યો: ’ઓળખ્યો મને કાકા, હું તમારો ભત્રીજો ! ગર્દભ _ખેડાણ દોડ્યા દોડયા દોડ્યા ખંભાતથી ખેડા બની શકયા ના બની શકયા ના બની શકયા ના ઘોડા કદી ગધેડા. ઇચ્છા એક ઉંદરે જઈને હાથીને કહ્યું : સાથી આજ બીજું કંઇ નહીં તો તારું દર મને દેખાડ. મચ્છર મોજીલો એક મચ્છર ફલીટના શાવર બાથમાં મોજીલા ‘મૂડ’માં નહાતો હતો ગાતો હતો મેલેરિયાનું એક ગીત. ગૌ પ્રશ્ન દૂધ ભરેલી પ્લાસ્ટિકની કોઠળી જોઇ એક ગાયે પૂછ્યું બીજી ગાયને; આ આંચળ કેવા ? અશ્વ દ્રિધા ગાડીવાન થોડો છું ? ગાડીવાન ચબુક માર હું તારો ઘોડો છું. બે કલાકના બદલે દસ કલાક મોડો છું. ================================ Shayaris about Tajmahal ============================= ચમકતો ને દમકતો શાહજહાંનો મહેલ જોવા દે મને નાદાન મજનુએ કરેલો ખેલ જોવા દે પ્રદર્શન કાજે જેમાં પ્રેમ છે કેદી જમાનાથી મને એ ખૂબ સૂરત પથ્થરોની જેલ જોવા દે. -શેખાદમ આબુવાલા સ્નેહના સૌદર્ય સામે કાળને મોહતાજ જોયો, એકાન્ત એ યમુનાતટે યમદેવનો સુકુમાર લિહાજ જોયો. મેં તાજ જોયો- ઉમાશંકર જોષી તાજનું શિલ્પકાવ્ય નીરખીને, હર્ષનાં આસું કૈક લૂછે છે; દાદ આપે છે શાં’જહાંને સૌ, એના શિલ્પીને કોણ પૂછે છે? -રતિલાલ અનિલ કોઈની યાદમાં નવતર રિવાજ જોયો છે પ્રતિક પ્રેમનું જોયું છે, તાજ જોયો છે કળા બતાવે નહીં બીજે એથી સર્જકનાં જે હાથ કાપી લે એવો સમાજ જોયો છે -શકીલ કાદરી તાજ તેં જોયા અમારા હાલને ? તું રડે છે મુસ્લિમોની કાલને ? પારખી તેં કાળ કેરી ચાલને ? ઠોકરો મારે છે જન પામાલ ને ? -’બેકાર’ રાંદેરી યે ચમનજાર, યે જમના કા કિનારા, યે મહલ, યે મુનક્કશ દરો-દિવાર, યે મહરાબ, યે તાક , એક શહનશાહ ને દોલત કા સંહારા લેકર, હમ ગરીબોં કી મુહબ્બત કા ઉડાયા હૈ મજાક! મેરી મહબૂબ કહીં ઔર મિલાકર મુઝ સે! -સાહિર લુધાયનવી =========================== ============================= [1] ઉતાવળે પરણીને આપણે નિરાંતે પસ્તાઈએ છીએ ! [2] ભેગા થવું એ શરૂઆત છે, ભેગા રહેવું તે પ્રગતિ છે, પરંતુ ભેગા મળી કામ કરવું તે સફળતા છે. [3] ‘નથી’ તેની ચિંતા છોડશો તો ‘છે’ તેનો આનંદ માણી શકશો. [4] જીભ કદાચ તોતડી હશે તો ચાલશે, પરંતુ તોછડી હશે તો નહિ ચાલે. [5] મેળવજો નીતિથી, વાપરજો પ્રીતિથી, ભોગવજો રીતિથી, તો બચી જશો દુર્ગતિથી. [6] દુશ્મન કરતાં દોસ્તને માફ કરી દેવાનું કામ વધુ કપરું છે…!! [7] જરૂર કરતાં વધારે જમવું એટલે સ્મશાનમાં જવું ! [8] પત્નીની વાત પતિ ખરેખર સાંભળતો ત્યારે હોય છે, જ્યારે પોતાની પત્ની ઉચ્ચારતી ન હોય તેવો શબ્દેશબ્દ એ સમજી જતો હોય ! [9] લગ્ન જીવન સફળ બનાવવા માટે અનેક વાર પ્રેમમાં પડવું જરૂરી છે – હંમેશા એની એ વ્યક્તિ સાથે. [10] માતાનું હૈયું એ શિશુની શાળા છે. [11] એક કુટુંબનું જે નિર્માણ કરે છે ને તેને ટકાવી રાખે છે, અને જેના હાથ હેઠળ બાળકો ઊછરીને ખડતલ ને ચારિત્ર્યવાન નરનારીઓ બને છે, તે નારીનું સ્થાન એકમાત્ર ઈશ્વરની પછી આવે છે. [12] સફળતાની સડક એવા પુરુષોથી ભરચક હોય છે – જેમને પીઠ પાછળથી એમની પત્નીઓ આગે બઢાવતી હોય છે. [13] સર્જનહારની સમસ્ત સૃષ્ટિમાં સુંદરમાં સુંદર ને સૌથી દિવ્ય છે બાળકો. [14] પ્રાણ એ પ્રથમ ભેટ, સ્નેહ એ બીજી અને સમજણ એ ત્રીજી. [15] વસ્તુની નજીક જઈએ એટલે એનું સૌંદર્ય પ્રગટ થાય છે, પણ એનું કાવ્ય તો દૂરથી જ ખીલે છે. [16] માણસ ફુલાવાનું જલ્દી સ્વીકારે છે, યોગ્ય રીતે પણ સંકોચાવાનું નહીં ! [17] સૌને મન ભરીને માણવું છે, જીવવું છે- પણ મન ક્યારેય ભરાતું નથી, પેટની જેમ ! [18] વ્યક્તિની પ્રસન્નતા એની આંતરિક સુંદરતા દર્શાવે છે, વિચારો એના મનોજગતના આંદોલનોની સ્થિતિ બતાવે છે અને વર્તન એનાં હૃદયની ભાષા વ્યકત કરે છે. [19] મનની વિચાર દષ્ટિને પણ મોતિયો આવે છે ખરો ! [20] જીવનનો પહેલો સંઘર્ષ મન સાથે કરવો પડે છે. કારણ કે એને નકારાત્મક વલણનો સહેલો રસ્તો જ પસંદ છે. [21] માણસને મોતથી વધુ એનાં ‘ડર’ ની બીક લાગે છે ! [22] આદત ધીમેધીમે જરૂરિયાત બની જાય ત્યારે માનવીની મજ્બૂરી જીવનને મૂરઝાવી દે છે. [23] પૃથ્વી પર લહેરાતાં ફૂલો, ફૂલો પર રહેલાં ઝાકળબિંદુઓ અને બાળકો ઈશ્વરના દસ્તખત છે. [24] માણસનો વ્યવહાર અને વૃત્તિઓ એનું દર્પણ છે. [25] આત્મપ્રશંસા જેવું કોઈ ઝેર નથી, આત્મનિંદા જેવું કોઈ અમૃત નથી ! [26] ખાઈમાં પડેલો બચી શકે, પણ અદેખાઈમાં પડેલો ન બચી શકે ! [27] પુરુષના જીવનમાં અહંકાર અને સ્ત્રીના જીવનમાં અલંકાર તોફાનો સર્જે છે. [29] જે આળસુ છે તેને માટે જ ભગવાને આવતીકાલ સર્જી છે ! [30] માણસ હોંશિયાર છે કે નહીં તે એણે આપેલા જવાબ પરથી આપણે કહી શકીએ. એ શાણો છે કે કેમ તે એના સવાલો પરથી ! [31] લગ્ન પહેલાં તમારી આંખો ખૂબ ઉઘાડી રાખજો, અને પછી અરધી મીંચેલી. [32] જગતમાં માત્ર બે જ વ્યક્તિ મૂર્ખ છે. એક નિંદા કરનારી અને બીજી, રસપૂર્વક નિંદા સાંભળનારી ! ================================= ==== WOW ==== =============================== પ્રભુભક્તિમાં જેમ બને તેમ તત્પર રહેવું, મોક્ષનો એ ધુરંધર માર્ગ મને લાગ્યો છે. -શ્રીમદ્ રાજચંદ્ર મારો શિષ્ય એક જ છે અને તે છે મોહનદાસ ગાંધી. એને કેળવતાં અને કાબૂમાં રાખતાં મારો દમ નીકળી જાય છે. બીજો શિષ્ય કરવા ક્યાં જાઉં ? -ગાંધીજી જે પ્રેમ નિત્ય નવીન નથી હોતો, તે એક આદત અને છેવટે એક બંધન બની જાય છે. -ખલીલ જિબ્રાન પ્રેમ કરવો તે કલા છે, પણ તેને નિભાવવો એ સાધના છે. -વિનોબા ભાવે સરસ જિંદગી એ છે જેમાં જ્ઞાનનું માર્ગદર્શન હોય અને પ્રેમની પ્રેરણા હોય. -બર્ટ્રાન્ડ રસેલ હે પરમાત્મા, મારી વાણી મારા મનમાં સ્થિર થાઓ અને મારું મન મારી વાણીમાં સ્થિર થાઓ. -ઐતરેય ઉપનિષદ દરેક વ્યક્તિમાં અનંત શક્યતા છે. આપણામાંના પ્રત્યેકમાં કોઈક એવું બીજ છે જેમાંથી વૃક્ષ પ્રગટી શકે. -પ્રે. મહાદેવ ધોરિયાણી તમારી આકાંક્ષાઓ એ તમારી શક્યતાઓ છે. જેવી આકાંક્ષા તેવી સિદ્ધિ. -રોબર્ટ બ્રાઉનીંગ જેણે મનને જીતી લીધું છે, તેને ટાઢ-તડકો, સુખ-દુ:ખ, માન-અપમાન બધું સરખું છે. -ચાણક્ય જો તમને એક ક્ષણનો પણ અવકાશ મળે, સમય મળે તો તમે તેનો ઉપયોગ શુભ કાર્ય માટે કરો, કારણ કાળનું ચક્ર અત્યંત ક્રુર અને ઉપદ્રવી છે. -બેન્જામીન ફ્રેન્કલીન જો તમારે સફળતા પ્રાપ્ત કરવી હોય તો તમારી પાસે પ્રચંડ ખંત અને દઢ ઈચ્છાશક્તિ હોવાં જોઈએ. -સ્વામી વિવેકાનંદ પહેલાં ઈશ્વર પ્રાપ્ત કરો. પછી ધન કમાઓ. આથી ઊલટું કરવાની કોશિશ ન કરો. જો આધ્યાત્મિકતા પ્રાપ્ત કર્યા પછી તમે સાંસારિક જીવન ગાળશો તો તમે મનની શાંતિ કદી નહીં ગુમાવો. -શ્રી રામકૃષ્ણ પરમહંસ પાંડિત્ય પુસ્તક વાંચવામાં છે, પુસ્તક-સંગ્રહમાં નથી. શૌર્ય તલવાર વાપરવામાં છે, કેડે લટકાવવામાં નથી. -કાકા કાલેલકર જેની સિદ્ધિનો આધાર બીજા ઉપર છે, તેવું કર્મ કદી ન આરંભો. પણ જેની સિદ્ધિનો આધાર પોતાની જાત પર જ છે તે કર્મ અવશ્ય આરંભો. -ભગવાન મનુ બુરાઈ નાવમાં છિદ્ર સમાન છે, તે નાનું હોય કે મોટું, નાવને ડુબાડી દે છે. -કવિ કાલીદાસ મનુષ્ય કેવી રીતે મરે છે તે મહત્વનું નથી, પરંતુ તે કેવી રીતે જીવે છે તે મહત્વનું છે. -હજરત અલી મનુષ્યનું જીવન શ્રદ્ધા અને વિવેકથી ચાલે છે. વિવેક ન હોય, પરંતુ શ્રદ્ધા હોય તો બીજાના વિવેકથી લાભ ઉઠાવી શકાય છે. બીજાના વિવેકથી લાભ ઉઠાવવાની યોગ્યતાનું નામ ‘શ્રદ્ધા’ છે. -સ્વામી અખંડઆનંદ સરસ્વતી જીવનમાં નિરંતર તાજગી અને અતૂટ દિલચસ્પી ત્યારે જ મળે છે કે જ્યારે આંતરિક વિકાસ નિરંતર થયો હોય. -શ્રી અરવિંદ જ્યાં સુધી લોકો પોતાને સ્વયં સુધારવાનો પ્રયત્ન નહીં કરે ત્યાં સુધી સુધારો થવો અસંભવ છે. -કનૈયાલાલ મુનશી જેણે ધન ભેગું કર્યું અને તેને ગણવામાં જ રહ્યો છે તે એવા ભ્રમમાં હોય છે કે ધન તેને જીવિત રાખશે. -કુરાન પોતાની આવશ્યકતાઓ ઓછી કરીને આપ વાસ્તવિક શાંતિ પ્રાપ્ત કરી શકો છો. -મહાત્મા ગાંધી કેળવણી બે પ્રકારની છે. એક કેળવણી માણસને માણસાઈનું ભાન કરાવે છે. બીજી કેળવણી માણસની માણસાઈ લઈ લે છે. -સરદાર વલ્લભભાઈ પટેલ સજા આપવાનો અધિકાર કેવળ પ્રેમ કરવાવાળાને જ છે ! -રવિન્દ્રનાથ ટાગોર મનને હજાર પાંખ છે. હૃદયને એક જ પાંખ છે. છતાં જીવનનું સઘળું તેજ પ્રેમના અસ્ત સાથે વિલીન થઈ જાય છે. -ફાન્સિસ બાઉડિર્ણાન જેમ કાંટાળી ડાળને ફૂલ સુંદર બનાવી શકે છે તેમ સુશીલ સ્ત્રી ગરીબ માણસના ઘરને સુંદર અને સ્વચ્છ સ્વર્ગસમુ બનાવી શકે છે. -યોગવસિષ્ઠ પવિત્ર વિચારોનું સદા મનન કરવું જોઈએ અને હલકા સંસ્કારોને દૂર કરવા મથવું જોઈએ. -સ્વામી વિવેકાનંદ કવિતા એ બધા જ માનવીય જ્ઞાન, વિચાર, ભાવ, અનુભવ અને ભાષાની સુગંધ કળી છે. -જયશંકર પ્રસાદ માણસ, નિશ્ચિત આકાર અને ઈન્દ્રિયોના સમુહના સજીવ ઢીંગલા ઢીંગલી એ માણસ નહીં પણ પોતાના મૂળ સુધી પહોંચવાનો પ્રયત્ન કરી તેને ઓળખી, તેનો અહર્નિશ આભાર માનતાં જિવંત મંત્રો એ જ માણસ ! -ડૉ. ભરત મિસ્ત્રી સાચુ બોલવાનો આગ્રહ રાખનાર માણસ બિલકુલ નિર્દોષ હોય તો પણ દુ:ખી થાય, એવો રુગ્ણ સમાજ આપણે કહેવાતા ધર્મની ઓથે રચી બેઠા છીએ. -ગુણવંત શાહ દુનિયા આપણે માનીએ છીએ એટલી સાવ ખરાબ કે દુષ્ટ નથી. એ છે ત્યાંથી જલદી બહુ ઊંચે આવતી નથી, એટલી જ દુ:ખની વાત છે. -કાકા કાલેલકર સર્વ મનુષ્યોના અંતરમાં ઈશ્વરે જે બધાં સત્ય અને સૌંદર્ય મૂકેલાં છે, તેનું સતત દર્શન કવિતા આપણને કરાવતી રહે છે. -જેઈમ્સ લોવેલ ============================== ===================== For Those Who Thought They Knew Everything !! ==================== ************ ********* ********* *** ************ ********* ********* ********* ***** The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood plasma. ************ ********* ********* *** ************ ********* ********* ********* *** No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times. Oh go ahead...I'll wait... ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* * Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes or shark attacks. (So, watch your Ass ) ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ****** You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television. ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******** Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older. ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* * The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum. ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******* The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class. ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******** Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. (Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you ?) (That women are going the 'right' direction... .?) ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *** Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning . ************ ********* ********* ****** ************ ********* ********* ***** Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN ! ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ****** **** The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. So did the first 'Marlboro Man'. ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* Walt Disney was afraid OF MICE! ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******** PEARLS DISSOLVE IN VINEGAR ! ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *** The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order. ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* **** It is possible to lead a cow upstairs... but, not downstairs. ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ****** A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why. ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ****** Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now !) ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *** And the best for last.... Turtles can breathe through their butts. (I know some people like that, don't YOU ?) ==================End======================== ================================= Funny full forms of Big Companies ================================= 1. NIIT : Not Interested in IT 2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output 3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses 4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions 5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems 6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping 7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds 8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines 9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly 10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors 11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings 12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible 13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort 14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers 15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go 17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd. 18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India 19. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees. 20. MASTEK: Mad And Stupid Technitians Enroute to Kabaarkhana 21.PATNI : Pathetic Appraisal Techniques , No Increments =============END============= ================================ John Smith started the day early having set his: =============================== alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6 am. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA ) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG ).. He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA ), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE ) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA ) After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA ) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO ) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN ) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA ) he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY ) filled it with GAS (from Saudi Arabia ) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his Computer (Made In Malaysia ), Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL ) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE ) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA ), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in AMERICA. ============END============= ======== Doubts.. ======== I've some doubts.. Can u please clarify me.. 1. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be given a thought) 2. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good thinking) 3. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows) 4. Can you cry under water? (let me try) 5. Why do people say, "you've been working like adog" when dogs just sitaround all day? (I think they meant something else) 6. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows) 7. Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell) 8. Can you get cornered in a round room? (by oneseyes) 9. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight I will stayand watch) 10. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oilis made from vegetables,then what is baby oil made from? (No comments) 11. What should one call a male ladybird? (Nocomments) 12. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they rememberthat they forgot? (can somebody help ) 13. Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can) 14. Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange isn't it) 15. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be ! Able to hear it? (got to think scientifically) 16. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens? 17. Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? (very nice) 18. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road? 19. If drink & drive is not allowed why the hell they have parking in Bars? ****** ================== Work on this: Don't think much ================== Always Be the reason of someone's happiness… Never just a part of it Be the part of someone's sadness….. Never the reason for it Today before you think of saying an unkind word Think of someone who can't speak Before you complain about the taste of your food Think of someone who has nothing to eat Before you complain about your husband or wife Think of someone who's crying out to God for a companion Today before you complain about life Think of someone who went too early to heaven Before you complain about your children Think of someone who desires children but they're barren Before you argue about your dirty house; someone didn't clean or sweep Think of the people who are living in the streets And when you are tired and complain about your job Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around Life is a gift... Live it... Enjoy it... Celebrate it... And fulfill it.... ============END========== =========================== On Your Health.Personality, Society,Life. =========================== 1. Drink plenty of water. 2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar. 3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants. 4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy. 5. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. 6. Play more games. 7. Read more books than you did in 2008. 8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. 9. Sleep for 7 hours. 10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile. On Your Personality: 11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. 12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment. 13. Don't over do. Keep your limits. 14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. 15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip. 16. Dream more while you are awake. 17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. 18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness. 19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others. 20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present. 21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you. 22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime. 23. Smile and laugh more. 24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree. On Society: 25. Call your family often. 26. Each day give something good to others. 27. Forgive everyone for everything. 28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6. 29. Try to make at least three people smile each day. 30. What other people think of you is none of your business. 31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch. On Life: 32. Do the right thing! 33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful. 34. GOD heals everything. 35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. 36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. 37. The best is yet to come. 38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.. 39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy. ==============END=========== ====================== EASY ....... DIFFICULT ====================== Easy is to get a place is someone's address book. Difficult is to get a place in someone's heart. Easy is to judge the mistakes of others Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes Easy is to talk without thinking Difficult is to refrain the tongue Easy is to hurt someone who loves us. Difficult is to heal the wound... Easy is to forgive others Difficult is to ask for forgiveness Easy is to set rules. Difficult is to follow them... Easy is to dream every night. Difficult is to fight for a dream... Easy is to show victory. Difficult is to assume defeat with dignity... Easy is to admire a full moon. Difficult to see the other side... Easy is to stumble with a stone. Difficult is to get up... Easy is to enjoy life every day. Difficult to give its real value... Easy is to promise something to someone.. Difficult is to fulfill that promise... Easy is to say we love. Difficult is to show it every day... Easy is to criticize others. Difficult is to improve oneself... Easy is to make mistakes. Difficult is to learn from them... Easy is to weep for a lost love. Difficult is to take care of it so not to lose it. Easy is to think about improving. Difficult is to stop thinking it and put it into action... Easy is to think bad of others Difficult is to give them the benefit of the doubt... Easy is to receive Difficult is to give Easy to read this Difficult to follow Easy is keep the friendship with words Difficult is to keep it with meanings. =============END================================== ====================== Scientific Instruments ====================== 1) Aerometer : Instrument for measuring weight and density of air and gases. 2) Altimeter : Instrument used in aircraft to measure altitude. 3) Ammeter : Instrument used to measure electrical current flowing in a circuit. 4) Anemometer : Instrument to measure the force and velocity of wind. 5) Audiometer : Instrument to measure intensity of sound. 6) Barometer : Instrument used to measure the atmospheric pressure. 7) Calorimeter : Instrument used for measuring quantities of heat. 8) Cardiogram : A medical instrument for tracing heart movements. 9) Crescograph : Instrument for use in recording growth of plants. 10) Dynamo : Instrument for transforming mechanical energy into electrical energy. 11) Fathometer : Instrument used for measuring depth of the ocean. 12) Geiger Counter : Instrument for recording the amount of radiation emitted by a source of radio-activity. 13) Hydrometer : Instrument used for measuring the specific gravity of liquids 14) Hydrophone : Instrument used for recording sound under water 15) Hygrometer : Instrument for measuring the amount of water vapours (humidity) in the atmosphere. 16) Kymograph : Instrument used to record graphically various physiological movements i.e., blood pressure,heart beating, study of lungs etc. in living beings. 17) Lactometer : Aparatus used for measuring the purity of milk. 18) Manometer : Apparatus used for determining the pressure of a gas. 19) Odometer : Instrument by which the distance covered by wheeled vehicles is recorded. 20) Oscillograph : Instrument for recording electrical or mechanical vibrations. 21) Photometer : Apparatus used to compare the illuminating power of two sources of light. 22) Pyrometer : Instrument for recording high temperatures froma great distance. 23) Radiometer : Instrument for measuring the emission of radiant energy. 24) Rain gauge : Apparatus for recording of rainfall at a particular piece. 25) Refractometer : Instrument to measure refractive indices. 26) Saccharimeter : Instrument for determining the amount of sugar in a solution. 27) Sextant : An optical instrument used for finding out the altitude of celestial bodies and their angular distances. 28) Sphygmomanometer : Instrument used for measuring arterial bolld- pressure. 29) Spherometer : Instrument for measuring curvature of surfaces. 30) Seismograph : Instrument used for recording earthquake shocks. 31) Tachometer : Instrument for determining speeds of aeroplanes and motor boats. 32) Thermostat : Instrument used to regulate the temperature to a particular degree. 33) Transformer : An electrical apparatus used to convert high voltage to low and vice versa ================END============= ======================================== America's Most and Least Favorite Cities Prashant Gopal Jan 5th, 2009 Where Americans Do—and Don't—Want to Work and Live Best Cities to Work and Live: ======================================== New York Rank: 1 Workers who would like to move there: 11% Median household income: $48,631 Median home value: $584,761 Annual home price change: -2.18% New York, one of the world's great cities, is home to Wall Street, the Broadway theatre district, and many of the best bars, art movie houses, and restaurants in the world. The city's largest employers include New York-Presbyterian Healthcare System, and financial companies such as Citigroup and J.P. Morgan Chase. Top attributes include entertainment options, professional/personal opportunities, and ease of transportation. Entertainment was cited by 51% of respondents. San Diego Rank: 2 Workers who would like to move there: 11% Median household income: $61,863 Median home value: $393,029 Annual home price change: -14.7% San Diego, California's second-largest city, has 70 miles of beaches, a world-famous zoo, major scientific research institutions, and numerous military installations. The largest employers include the military, the state and federal government, the Sharp Healthcare hospitals, the University of California at San Diego, and major companies such as AT&T. Workers said the city's best attributes were its environment (climate, parks, natural features, etc.), its image, and entertainment options. The environment was cited by 77% of workers. San Francisco Rank: 3 Workers who would like to move there: 9% Median household income: $68,023 Median home value: $766,985 Annual home price change: -5.5% San Francisco is one of the most beautiful cities in the world (it's also one of the most expensive). It's a progressive city with a vibrant economy, a vibrant arts and cultural scene, and a busy seaport. The University of California, San Francisco is one of the nation's top medical colleges. The city has become a biotech and technology center like neighboring Silicon Valley. The city's top attributes, according to the survey, were the environment (climate, parks, natural features, etc.), entertainment options, residents' background, talents and perspectives, and professional/personal opportunities. Las Vegas Rank: 4 Workers who would like to move there: 8% Median household: $55,996 Median home value: $195,825 Annual home price change: -25.2% Las Vegas moved up the list this year, partly because—with home prices plunging—it has become more affordable to live here. Residents love the entertainment options, which go far beyond gambling. The city also has become a destination for foodies. Celebrity chefs have opened many expensive eateries. But delicious and affordable Asian and Latin-American restaurants have popped up in strip malls away from the Vegas Strip. Vegas' top attributes, according to the survey, are the entertainment options, affordability, and environment (climate, parks, natural features). The city's best attribute was its entertainment options, which 56% of respondents cited, followed by affordability, which half of workers cited. Los Angeles Rank: 5 Workers who would like to move there: 8% Median household income: $47,781 Median home value: $466,630 Annual home price change: -17.8% Los Angeles, probably best known as the home of Hollywood, is a great place for people hoping to break into the movie, television, and music industries. But it also is home to excellent universities such as the University of Southern California and large corporations such as aerospace contractor Northrop Grumman. Workers answering the survey said the city's best attributes are its entertainment options, personal and professional opportunities, and the environment (climate, park space, and natural resources). About 42% cited entertainment options as the city's best attribute. Seattle Rank: 6 Workers who would like to move there: 8% Median household income: 57,849 Median home value: $416,028 Annual home price change: -7.5% The Seattle area's largest employers include Boeing and Microsoft. But many people come here for the lifestyle. The city is surrounded by lakes and mountains and has a great music and arts scene. The city's best attribute by far, according to the survey, is the environment (including the climate, park space, and natural resources), which 62% of workers cited. "Community—connectivity and sense of place" was mentioned by 29% of respondents. Denver Rank: 7 Workers who would like to move there: 7% Median household income: $44,444 Median home value: $206,669 Annual home price change: -6.7% The Mile-High City, located near the foot of the Rocky Mountains, is a popular place for outdoor enthusiasts. It has a large park system, 300 days of sunshine each year, and opportunities for biking, skiing, rafting, and hiking. The city's largest employers include Qwest Communications, HealthOne, Lockheed Martin Corp., the University of Denver, and United Airlines. Environment (climate, park space, natural resources) is the city's best attribute (It was cited by 74% of workers in the survey). Also high on the attribute list: affordability and image. Phoenix Rank: 8 Workers who would like to move there: 6% Median household income: $48,061 Median home value: $176,176 Annual home price change: -20.2% Phoenix, one of the nation's largest cities, has become a popular place for retirees because of its warm climate and affordable housing, which keeps getting more affordable with the rising tide of foreclosures and plummeting home prices. The area also has plenty of opportunities for golfing, hiking, biking, and camping. Phoenix's top employers include Allied Waste Industries, the Apollo Group, and PetSmart. Environment and affordability are the city's best attributes, according to the survey. Chicago Rank: 9 Workers who would like to move there: 6% Median household income: $45,505 Median home value: $234,643 Annual home price change: -8.9% Chicago, hometown of President-elect Barack Obama, is the third-largest city in the U.S. and is one of its major financial centers. The city is known for its architecture, museums, shopping, and nightlife. The area's top employers include Jewel-Osco supermarkets, United Airlines, and J.P. Morgan. The city's best attributes, according to the survey, include entertainment options, affordability, and personal and professional opportunity. Boston Rank: 10 Workers who would like to move there: 6% Median household income: $50,476 Median home value: $352,429 Annual home price change: -3.9% Boston is one of America's oldest cities and home to some of the country's most venerated universities and hospitals. Many of Boston's residents work in finance, education, health, and law. The city's largest employers include Massachusetts General Hospital, Fidelity Investments, and Boston University. Respondents to the survey said the Boston area is a good place to raise a family, has nice outdoor features such as park space, and offers good entertainment options. Worst Cities to Work and Live New York Rank: 1 Workers who would not like to move there: 15% Median household income: $48,631 Median home value: $584,761 Annual home price change: -2.18% Americans have a love/hate relationship with New York. It does have loads of high-paying jobs, Central Park (one of the largest urban parks in the nation), a great public transportation system, and one of the best restaurant, bar, music, and art scenes in the world. But people sacrifice to live here, paying sky-high rents for tiny apartments, and enduring long, crowded subway commutes. And by the way, the city's top restaurants sometimes require customers to make reservations months ahead of time. The high cost of living is an unattractive attribute of New York, according to 72% of respondents. Health and safety was also listed as a negative attribute by 45% of respondents. Detroit Rank: 2 Workers who would not like to move there: 14% Median household income: $28,097 Median home value: $80,140 Annual home price change: -9.3% Detroit has a bit of an image problem. The population is dwindling, many of the city's residents are in poverty, the auto industry housed here is near collapse, and former Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick went to jail last month for perjury in a sex scandal. The top two negative attributes of the city, according to the survey, were health and safety (55%) and image (49%). Los Angeles Rank: 3 Workers who would not like to move there: 12% Median household income: $47,781 Median home value: $466,630 Annual home price change: -17.8% Like New York, Los Angeles is a city that brings out strong feelings. It's an exciting place to live. But it's expensive, polluted, and traffic-clogged. The top negative attributes, according to the survey, were affordability (61%), health and safety (42%), and environment (36%). New Orleans Rank: 4 Workers who would not like to move there: 11% Median household income: $38,614 Median home value: $135,128 Annual home price change: 13.7% New Orleans has seen its population shrink, its murder rate increase, and tourism suffer since Hurricane Katrina hit in 2005. The job market has gotten a bit of a boost from the heavy investment in rebuilding the city. But its image is suffering. The top negative attributes, according to the survey, were health and safety (55%), image (49%), and environment (45%). Chicago Rank: 5 Workers who would not like to move there: 8% Median household income: $45,505 Median home value: $234,643 Annual home price change: -8.9% Chicago has a lot of jobs, entertainment, and culture to offer, but for many people, winters in the Windy City are simply too cold. The city also has a tough image that dates back to the era of Al Capone. Among the city's worst attributes, according to the survey: environment (including climate), community (connectivity and sense of place), and affordability. Washington, D.C. Rank: 6 Workers who would not like to move there: 7% Median household income: $54,317 Median home value: $354,069 Annual home price change: -14.0% The nation's capital has a reputation for expensive home prices and high crime rates. Last year, murders increased 7% to 181 from 2006. The top negative attributes, according to the survey, were affordability (67%) and health and safety (60%). Las Vegas Rank: 7 Workers who would not like to move there: 7% Median household income: $55,996 Median home value: $195,825 Annual home price change: -25.2% Las Vegas' economy has taken a hit with falling home prices and struggling casinos. Clark County, which includes the city of Las Vegas, recently estimated that its population dropped for the first time in a decade. The top negative attributes, according to the survey, were environment, including climate, park space, natural resources (45%); image (44%); and affordability (44%). Cleveland Rank: 8 Workers who would not like to move there: 6% Median household income: $28,512 Median home value: $120,259 Annual home price change: -1.4% Cleveland's population has been falling at a dramatic rate. The city has lost 8% of its population—about 40,000 people, since 2000. Like many rust-belt cities, Cleveland is feeling the impact of a weak manufacturing industry. The top negative attributes, according to the survey, were environment—climate, park space, natural resources (58%); health and safety (45%); and image (42%). Dallas Rank: 9 Workers who would not like to move there: 5% Median household income: $40,986 Median home value: $123,248 Annual home price change: -3.3% Dallas' economy is doing better than many other parts of the country partly because of Texas' robust energy industry. But the city has a reputation for traffic, crime, and sprawl. The top negative attributes, according to the survey, were the people—their backgrounds, talents, and perspectives (49%); environment—climate, park space, natural resources (39%); and image (38%). Miami Workers who would not like to move there: 5% Median household income: $29,075 Median home value: $238,708 Annual home price change: -23.9% Miami, like much of South Florida, is facing a foreclosure crisis. Home prices are plunging and the economy has problems. The city also has a reputation for crime that hasn't completely dissipated since the Miami Vice television show spotlighted the city's drug and gun problems. The top negative attributes, according to the survey, were environment—climate, park space, natural resources (47%); affordability (41%); and image (40%). ===================================== ==================== Records Held by Sachin Tendulkar ==================== 1. Highest Run scorer in the ODI 2. Most number of hundreds in the ODI 41 3. Most number of nineties in the ODI 4. Most number of man of the matches(56) in the ODI's 5. Most number of man of the series(14) in ODI's 6. Best average for man of the matches in ODI's 7. First Cricketer to pass 10000 run in the ODI 8. First Cricketer to pass 15000 run in the ODI 9. He is the highest run scorer in the world cup (1,796 at an average of 59..87 as on 20 March 2007) 10. Most number of the man of the matches in the world cup 11. Most number of runs 1996 world cup 523 runs in the 1996 Cricket World Cup at an average of 87..16 12. Most number of runs in the 2003 world cup 673 runs in 2003 Cricket World Cup, highest by any player in a single Cricket World Cup 13. He was Player of the World Cup Tournament in the 2003 Cricket World Cup. 14. Most number of Fifties in ODI's 87 15. Appeared in Most Number of ODI's 407 16. He is the only player to be in top 10 ICC ranking for 10 years. 17. Most number of 100's in test's 38 18. He is one of the three batsmen to surpass 11,000 runs in Test cricket, and the first Indian to do so 19. He is thus far the only cricketer to receive the Rajiv Gandhi Khel Ratna, India's highest sporting honor 20. In 2003, Wisden rated Tendulkar as d No. 1 and Richards at No. 2 in all time Greatest ODI player 21. In 2002, Wisden rated him as the second greatest Test batsman after Sir Donald Bradman. 22. he was involved in unbroken 664-run partnership in a Harris Shield game in 1988 with friend and team mate Vinod Kambli, 23. Tendulkar is the only player to score a century in all three of his Ranji Trophy, Duleep Trophy and Irani Trophy debuts 24. In 1992, at the age of 19, Tendulkar became the first overseas born player to represent Yorkshire 25. Tendulkar has been granted the Rajiv Gandhi Khel Ratna, Arjuna Award and Padma Shri by Indian government. He is the only Indian cricketer to get all of them. 26. Tendulkar has scored over 1000 runs in a calendar year in ODI's 7 times 27. Tendulkar has scored 1894 runs in calendar year in ODI's most by any batsman 28. He is the highest earning cricketer in the world 29. He has the least percentage of the man of the matches awards won when team looses a match.. Out of his 56 man of the match awards only 5 times India has lost. 30. Tendulkar most number man of match awards(10) against Australia 31. In August of 2003, Sachin Tendulkar was voted as the "Greatest Sportsman" of the country in the sport personalities category in the Best of India poll conducted by Zee News. 32. In November 2006, Time magazine named Tendulkar as one of the Asian Heroes. 33. In December 2006, he was named "Sports person of the Year 34. The current India Poised campaign run by The Times of India has nominated him as the Face of New India next to the likes of Amartya Sen and Mahatma Gandhi among others. 35. Tendulkar was the first batsman in history to score over 50 centuries in international cricket 36. Tendulkar was the first batsman in history to score over 75 centuries in international cricket:79 centuries 37. Has the most overall runs in cricket, (ODIs+Tests+ Twenty20s) , as of 30 June 2007 he had accumulated almost 26,000 runs overall. 38. Is second on the most number of runs in test cricket just after Brian Lara 39. Sachin Tendulkar with Sourav Ganguly hold the world record for the maximum number of runs scored by the opening partnership. They have put together 6,271 runs in 128 matches 40. The 20 century partnerships for opening pair with Sourav Ganguly is a world record 41. Sachin Tendulkar and Rahul Dravid hold the world record for the highest partnership in ODI matches when they scored 331 runs against New Zealand in 1999 42. Sachin Tendulkar has been involved in six 200 run partnerships in ODI matches - a record that he shares with Sourav Ganguly and Rahul Dravid 43. Most Centuries in a calendar year: 9 ODI centuries in 1998 44. Only player to have over 100 innings of 50+ runs (41 Centuries and 87 Fifties) (as of 18th Nov, 2007) 45. the only player ever to cross the 13,000-14,000 and 15,000 run marks IN ODI. 46. Highest individual score among Indian batsmen (186* against New Zealand at Hyderabad in 1999). 47. The score of 186* is listed the fifth highest score recorded in ODI matches 48. Tendulkar has scored over 1000 ODI runs against all major Cricketing nations. 49. Sachin was the fastest to reach 10,000 runs taking 259 innings and has the highest batting average among batsmen with over 10,000 ODI runs 50. Most number of Stadium Appearances: 90 different Grounds 51. Consecutive ODI Appearances: 185 52. On his debut, Sachin Tendulkar was the second youngest debutant in the world 53. When Tendulkar scored his maiden century in 1990, he was the second youngest to score a century 54. Tendulkar's record of five test centuries before he turned 20 is a current world record 55. Tendulkar holds the current record (217 against NZ in 1999/00 Season) for the highest score in Test cricket by an Indian when captaining the side 56. Tendulkar has scored centuries against all test playing nations.[7] He was the third batman to achieve the distinction after Steve Waugh and Gary Kirsten 57. Tendulkar has 4 seasons in test cricket with 1000 or more runs - 2002 (1392 runs), 1999 (1088 runs), 2001 (1003 runs) and 1997 (1000 runs).[6] Gavaskar is the only other Indian with four seasons of 1000+ runs 58. He is second most number of seasons with over 1000 runs in world. 59. On 3 January 2007 Sachin Tendulkar (5751) edged past Brian Lara's (5736) world record of runs scored in Tests away from home 60. Tendulkar and Brian Lara are the fastest to score 10,000 runs in Test cricket history. Both of them achieved this in 195 innings 61. Second Indian after Sunil Gavaskar to make over 10,000 runs in Test matches 62. Became the first Indian to surpass the 11,000 Test run mark and the third International player behind Allan Border and Brian Lara. 63. Tendulkar is fourth on the list of players with most Test caps. Steve Waugh (168 Tests), Allan Border (158 Tests), Shane Warne (145 Tests) have appeared in more games than Tendulkar 64. Tendulkar has played the most number of Test Matches(144) for India (Kapil Dev is second with 131 Test appearances) . 65. First to 25,000 international runs 66. Tendulkar's 25,016 runs in international cricket include 14,537 runs in ODI's, 10,469 Tests runs and 10 runs in the lone Twenty20 that India has played. 67. On December 10, 2005, Tendulkar made his 35th century in Tests at Delhi against Sri Lanka. He surpassed Sunil Gavaskar's record of 34 centuries to become the man with the most number of hundreds in Test cricket. 68. Tendulkar is the only player who has 150 wkts and more than 15000 runs in ODI 69. Tendulkar is the only player who has 40 wkts and more than 11000 runs in Tests 70. Only batsman to have 100 hundreds in the first class cricket So Pass this to all your friends who are indians and take pride to be an indian !!!!! =================end============= ===================== USA Finance Humour !! ===================== 1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing,. Its called the stock market - Jay Leno 2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are?? Wall Street is now being called Wal Mart Street - Jay Leno 3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW 4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker? A tie! 5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left. 6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any emails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it - Jay Leno 7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favourite candy bar - Jay Leno 8. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Bush's copy is even thicker. They had to include pictures - Jay Leno 9. President Bush's response was to meet some small business owners in San Antonio last week. The small business owners are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21 - Jay Leno 10. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's ================END================== =========================== Definitions of Designations =========================== Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month. Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby. Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month. Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby. Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available. Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources. Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months. Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby. Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby. HR Manager is a person who thinks that... a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months !!! Rajarama Rao ===============END================ =================== Evergreen Advice By: Dr M J kapadia =================== Markets ------- We all know that markets have slumped We read about job-loses in news papers People talk about atleast 24 months of recession Early entrants are not getting jobs Companies are closing Sales are not picking up Suddenly cash has evaporated from the market Profitability is severely hit I am employee -------------- I need to keep my job I need to pay EMIs I have a family to run I need to keep working to sustain myself I need to feel secure I need to save a little money for a rainy day Basic Don'ts ------------ Do not take too much vacation Do not complain Do not waste time gossiping Don't resist a transfer Don't resist travel Don't resist a salary cut Don't resist extra-work load Don't resist extra time at office if needed Don't change jobs in this market. It is too risky. Basic Do's ---------- Daily Expenses Take a stock of your expenses – actually write it down Tick "Need to have" vs. "Nice to have" Knock off all "Nice to have expenses" – Right Now! Assuming you didn't have a job – Plan for cash to survive for 24 months. Apparently, this recession will take atleast 24 months to come out of. Sit on cash! Other tips to cut expenses – -------------------------- Going to malls is expensive Good restaurants are expensive Impulsive shopping is expensive Taking flights is expensive Eating out daily is expensive Check services which you are not using but have subscribed to Going on vacations is expensive These suggestions are tough – do I live life or not? ------------------ The new principle – "Happiness is inversely proportional to expectations/desires". More the expectations / desires – lesser the happiness and vice versa Some other ways to live great life – ---------------------------------- Spend time with family – go for a picnic in a nearby garden Exercise and walk a lot, drink lots of water Listen to Radio, watch some TV Visit Libraries, read books which you purchased, but never had a chance to open them Go to friends place a for a dinner Enroll into a hobby – music, painting etc Do social service – start teaching, mentoring etc Spend more time with your children Join laughter forum, attend conferences and meet interesting people Go for concerts Don't worry – what goes down will always go up Markets will rebound – these tips will prepare you to be a winner ============END============== =========================== INTERESTING DEFINITIONS =========================== School: A place where Papa Pays and Son Plays. ********* Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich. ********* Nurse: A person who works up to give you sleeping pills. ********* Love Affairs: Something like the game of Cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test match. ********* Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters. ********* Divorce: Future tense of Marriage. ********* Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine water power. ********* Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either" ********* Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. ********* Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. ********* Dictionary: A place where success comes before work. ********* Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on. ********* Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read. ********* Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight. ********* Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life. ********* Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth. ********* Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. ********* Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together. ********* Experience: The name men give to their mistakes. ********* Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions. ********* Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead. ********* Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. ********* Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river. ********* Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet." ********* Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich. ********* Father: A banker provided by nature. ********* Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught. ********* Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early. ********* Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after. ********* Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills. ================================ =========================== Great people,Great thoughts =========================== Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on. - Winston Churchill. I have always been impressed by the fact that there are a surprising number of individuals who never use their minds if they can avoid it, and an equal number who do use their minds, but in an amazingly stupid way. - Carl Jung. If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life. - Albert Camus. To be a philosopher is not merely to have subtle thoughts, nor even to found a school, but so to love wisdom as to live according to its dictates a life of simplicity, independence, magnanimity and trust. It is to solve some of the problems of life, not only theoretically, but practically. - Henry David Thoreau. All our philosophy is dry as dust if it is not immediately translated into some act of living service. - Mahatma Gandhi. A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely re- arranging their prejudices. - William James. It is never too late to give up our prejudices. - Henry David Thoreau. Not doubt, certainty is what drives one insane. - Friedrich Nietzsche. It is necessary to the happiness of man that he be mentally faithful to himself. - Thomas Paine. We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. - Oscar Wilde. How shall I know if I do choose the right? - William Shakespeare. People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances within our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive. - Joseph Campbell. Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. - Oscar Wilde. God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. - Voltaire. Most of the luxuries, and many of the so called comforts of life, are not only not indispensable, but positive hindrances to the elevation of mankind. - Henry David Thoreau. Perhaps it would be a good idea, fantastic as it sounds, to muffle every telephone, stop every motor, and halt all activity for an hour some day, to give people a chance to ponder for a few minutes on what it is all about, why they are living and what they really want. - James Truslow Adams. Today, like every other day, we wake up empty and frightened. Don’t open the door to the study and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument. Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground. - Rumi. Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom. - Albert Einstein. Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new. - Brian Tracy. Where is the life we have lost in living? Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge? Where is the knowledge we have lost in information? The cycles of heaven in twenty centuries Bring us farther from God and nearer to the Dust. - T. S. Eliot. Most people do not understand the things they experience, nor do they know what they have learned; but they seem to themselves to have done so. - Heraclitus. There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. - William Shakespeare. Much learning does not teach understanding. - Heraclitus. The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool. - William Shakespeare. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Mark Twain. And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. - Kahlil Gibran. Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of the nonessentials. - Lin Yutang. Whenever suffering happens, don't collect it. Allow it to happen, but don't nourish it. Why go on talking about it? Everyone talks about his suffering. Why is there so much emphasis on it? Why give so much attention to it? Remember one of the laws: that whatsoever you pay much attention to grows. Attention is a growth helping element. If you pay attention to something, it grows more. - Osho. What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson. People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in the world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want and if they can't find them, make them. - George Bernard Shaw. To love oneself is the beginning of a lifetime romance. - Oscar Wilde. I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost more than 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life... And that is why I succeed. - Michael Jordan. It's not that I'm so smart , it's just that I stay with problems longer. - Albert Einstein. In the long run, you hit only what you aim at: Therefore aim high. - Henry David Thoreau. Maturity has nothing to do with your life experiences. It has something to do with your inward journey, your experiences of the inner. The more a man goes deeper into himself the more mature he is. When he has reached the very center of his being he is perfectly mature. But at that moment the person disappears, only presence remains. The self disappears, only silence remains. Knowledge disappears, only innocence remains. - Osho. If one recognises the selfish motives which underlie all human conduct, one has not the slightest desire to return. Life, moving in a circle, would still be the same. As far as I am concerned, I am perfectly content to know that the eternal nuisance of living will be finally done with. Our life is necessarily a series of compromises, a never-ending struggle between the ego and his environment. The wish to prolong life unduly, strikes me as absurd. - Sigmund Freud. And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. - Abraham Lincoln. I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room. - Blaise Pascal. The life which is unexamined is not worth living. - Plato You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. - Mark Twain No matter who you are, however powerful you may be, outer situations of life will not always be under your control. Living in fear that you are a slave to external situations becomes torturous because anticipating what will happen threatens your peace of mind. Yoga is the process of restoring peace and happiness, which are basic to human nature. Everyone has the intelligence to choose to be joyful. But they are not naturally happy because the life energy is happening unconsciously and Yoga is the science of making the life energy function consciously— to become the master of your destiny. - Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev. For the total development of the human being, solitude as a means of cultivating sensitivity becomes a necessity. One has to know what it means to be alone, what it is to meditate, what it is to die; and the implications of solitude, of meditation, of death, can be known only by seeking them out. These implications cannot be taught, they must be learnt. One can indicate, but learning by what is indicated is not the experiencing of solitude or meditation. To experience what is solitude and what is meditation, one must be in a state of inquiry; only a mind that is in a state of inquiry is capable of learning. But when inquiry is suppressed by previous knowledge, or by the authority and experience of another, then learning becomes mere imitation, and imitation causes a human being to repeat what is learnt without experiencing it. - J. Krishnamurti. The twentieth century was about speeding and scaling up… the twenty- first century will almost certainly have to be about slowing down. - Anonymous. Only the empty can be filled; if I have nothing, I am rich. How can I learn what it is to have nothing? I am so full; nothing cannot enter. Desires and imaginations, convictions and opinions, habits and reflexes, I cannot even contain them. They drip and exude from me, they slop over me, leaving a trail; wherever I go I leave a trail of arguments and contradictions, of requests and insinuations, pouring my imagination over life, masking it, covering it with my own projection of myself. O to be sensitive; O to receive impressions instead of blocking their inflow with my desire to impress. Stop. Be quiet. Stand aside and watch. This is the secret. Your voice is loud in argument; listen, no more. Your brain is hot with indignation; feel it, no more. Your hands reach out in desire; see them, no more. They are your voice, your brain, your hands, not you. It is they that are full, not you. Only the empty can be filled; If I have nothing, I am rich. - Anonymous. Do not seek to follow the footsteps of the wise. Seek what they sought. - Basho. The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education. - Albert Einstein. Too lazy to be ambitious, I let the world take care of itself. Ten days worth of rice in my bag; a bundle of twigs by the fireplace. Why chatter about delusion and enlightenment? Listening to the night rain on my roof, I sit comfortably, with both legs stretched out. - Ryokan. To hold and fill to overflowing is not as good as to stop in time. Sharpen a sword-edge to its very sharpest, And the edge will not last long . . . Withdraw as soon as your work is done. Such is Heaven's Way. - Lao Tzu. To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to- morrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day To the last syllable of recorded time, And all our yesterdays have lighted fools The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player That struts and frets his hour upon the stage And then is heard no more: it is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing. - William Shakespeare. ============================== ================== Stress management: Understand your sources of stress ================================= The kids are screaming, the bills are due and there's a pile of work on your desk that's growing at an absurdly swift pace. It's undeniable — life often seems full of stress. But understanding the types and sources of stress — big and small, short-term and long-term, internal and external — is an important part of stress management. So where does your stress come from? Two main types of stress Stress is your body's reaction to the demands of the world, and stressors are events or conditions in your surroundings that may trigger stress. Two main types of stress you face are: * Acute stress. Also known as the fight-or-flight response, acute stress is your body's immediate reaction to a significant threat, challenge or scare. The acute-stress response is immediate, it's intense, and in certain circumstances, it can be thrilling. Examples of stressors that may cause an acute-stress response are a job interview, a fender bender or an exhilarating ski run. * Chronic stress. This results from long-term exposure to acute stress. The chronic-stress response is much more subtle than is the acute- stress response, but the effects may be longer lasting and more problematic. The stressors that may lead to chronic stress are the nagging, day-to-day life situations that often seem unrelenting. This includes relationship problems, work difficulties and financial woes. Effective stress management involves identifying and managing both acute and chronic stress. Symptoms of stress While mild stress can actually be beneficial — it can spur you into action, motivate and energize you — it's often the buildup of the little things that can really "stress you out." Persistent stress can lead to many adverse health problems, including: * Physical symptoms, such as headache and fatigue * Mental symptoms, such as poor concentration * Emotional symptoms, such as irritability and depression * Social symptoms, such as isolation and resentment Know your stressors External exasperations External stressors are events and situations that happen to you. While you may have control over some of these stressors and how much you let them affect you, there are times when they extend beyond your control. Some examples include: * Major life changes. These changes can be positive — a new marriage, a planned pregnancy, a promotion or a new house. Or they can be negative — the death of a loved one or going through a divorce. * Environment. These stressors could include a noise disturbance, such as a barking dog, or excessive light, as from a billboard across the street. * Unpredictable events. This category could include an increase in monthly bills, an uninvited houseguest or a pay cut. * Family. The occasional spousal spat, a teenager who refuses to cooperate or a nagging mother-in-law can all contribute to stress. * Workplace. Perhaps an overwhelming workload or an impossible boss. * Social. For example, a blind date or making a speech to a room full of co-workers. Internal irritations Not all stress stems from things that happen to you. Some of the stress response can be self-induced. Those feelings and thoughts that pop into your head and cause you unrest are known as internal stressors. Examples include: * Fears. These can be things, such as a fear of flying or heights, or more-subtle apprehensions such as participating in a discussion with a group of strangers at a meeting. * Uncertainty. Stemming perhaps from a looming restructuring at the office or waiting for medical test results. * Attitude. Having a negative view of the world can be stressful, since you create an unpleasant environment in which to live. * Unrealistic expectations. A perfectionist or controlling personality may lead to unnecessarily high stress levels. Overscheduling and not planning ahead can lead to worries. Stress is here to stay Not a day in your life goes by without encountering a situation or event that may trigger stress. And that's OK. By identifying and understanding the sources of your stress, you learn to better manage it. So what stresses you out? ================END============ ========================= Newton Laws for Software ========================= Law 1 ..Every Software Engineer continues his state of chatting or forwarding mails unless he is assigned work by manager. Law 2. The rate of change in the software is directly proportional to the payment received from client and takes place at the quick rate as when deadline force is applied. Law 3. For every Use Case Manifestation there is an equal but opposite Software Implementation. Bonus :-) Law 4 .. Bugs can neither be created nor be removed from software by a developer. It can only be converted from one form to another. The total number of bugs in the software always remains constant. ============END================= ====================== Some medi definition --Very Witty-- ====================== Antibody - against everyone Artery - The study of the paintings. Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria. Caesarean section - a district in Rome. Cardiology - advance study of poker playing. Cat scan - searching for lost kitty. Chronic - neck of a crow. Coma - punctuation mark. Cortisone - area around local court. Cyst - short for sister. . Diagnosis - person with slanted nose. Dilate - the late British Princess Diana. . Dislocation - in this place. Duodenum - couple in blue jeans. Enema - not a friend. Fake labour - pretending to work. . Genes - blue denim. Hernia - she is close by. . Impotent - distinguished/ well known. Labour pain - hurt at work. Lactose - people without toes. Lymph - walk unsteadily. Microbes - small dressing gown. Obesity - city of Obe. . Pacemaker - winner of Nobel peace prize. Proteins - in favour of teens. Pulse - grain. Pus - small cat. Red blood count - Dracula. Secretion - hiding anything. Tablet - small table. Ultrasound - radical noise. Urine - opposite of you're out. Varicose - very close. ===============END============== ================= Some useful tips ================ ï‚· Almonds: To remove the skin of almonds easily, soak them in hot water for 15-20 minutes. ï‚· Ants: Putting 3-4 cloves in the sugar container will keep the ants at bay. ï‚· Biscuits: If you keep a piece of blotting paper at the bottom of the container, it will keep biscuits fresh for a longer time. ï‚· Butter: Avoid the use of butter. If it is essential to use, use a butter containing low saturated fat or with plant stanols (which avoid absorption of cholesterol by our body) or similar substitutes. ï‚· Apples: Apply some lemon juice on the cut surface of the apple to avoid browning. They will look fresh for a longer time. ï‚· Banana: Apply mashed banana over a burn on your body to have a cooling effect. ï‚· Bee and Scorpion Sting Relief: Apply a mixture of 1 pinch of chewing tobacco and 1 drop of water. Mix and apply directly and immediately to the sting; cover with band aid to hold in place. Pain will go away in just a few short minutes ï‚· Bitter Gourd (Karela): Slit Karelas at the middle and apply a mixture of salt, wheat flour and curd all round. Keep aside for 1/2 an hour and then cook. Stuffed Karela ï‚· Celery: To keep celery fresh for long time, wrap it in aluminium foil and place in the refrigerator. ï‚· Burnt Food: Place some chopped onion in the vessel having burnt food, pour boiling water in it, keep for 5 minutes and then clean. ï‚· Chilli Powder: Keeping a small piece of hing (asafoetida) in the same container will store chilli powder for long time. ï‚· Chopping: Use a wooden board to chop. It will not blunt the knife. Don't use a plastic board, small plastic pieces may go with the vegetables. ï‚· Coriander/Mint: You can use dried coriander and mint leaves in coarse powder form in vegetable curry or chutney, if fresh ones are not available. To keep them fresh for a longer time, wrap them in a muslin cloth and keep in a fridge. ï‚· Cockroaches: Put some boric powder in kitchen in corners and other places. Cockroaches will leave your house. ï‚· Coconut: Immerse coconut in water for 1/2 an hour to remove its hust. ï‚· Dry Fruits: To chop dry fruits, place them in fridge for half an hour before cutting. Take the fruits out and cut them with a hot knife (dip it in hot water before cutting). ï‚· Dough/Rolling pin: If the dough sticks to the rolling pin, place it in freezer for a few minutes. ï‚· Egg peeling off: Make a small hole in the egg by piercing a pin before boiling it. You will be able to remove its skin very easily. ï‚· Egg fresh: Immerse the egg in a pan of cool salted water. If it sinks, it is fresh; if it rises to the surface, it is certainly quite old. ï‚· Garlic: Garlic skin comes off easily if the garlic cloves are slightly warmed before peeling. ï‚· Ghee: Avoid the use of ghee. If it is necessary, substitute it with canola oil. Even for making halwa, you can partly substitute it with oil. ï‚· Green Chillies: To keep the chillies fresh for a longer time, remove the stems before storing. ï‚· Green Peas: To preserve green peas, keep them in a polythene bag in the freezer. ï‚· Idlies: Place a betel (paan) leaf over the leftover idli and dosa batter to prevent them sour. Do not beat idli batter too much, the air which has been incorporated during fermentation will escape. If you add half a tsp of fenugreek seeds to the lentil and rice mixture while soaking, dosas will be more crisp. ï‚· Fruits: To ripen fruits, wrap them in newspaper and put in a warm place for 2-3 days. The ethylene gas they emit will make them ripe. ï‚· Frying: Avoid deep frying. Substitute deep frying with stir frying or oven bake. Don't pour the oil, but make a habit of spraying the oil in the utensil for cooking. Heat the utensil first, then add oil. This way oil spreads well. You will use less oil this way. ï‚· Left Over: Don't throw away the foods left over. Store them in Fridge. Use them in making tasty dishes. ï‚· Lemon/Lime: If the lemon or lime is hard, put it in warm water for 5-10 minutes to make it easier to squeeze. ï‚· Lizards: Hang a peacock feather, lizards will leave your house. ï‚· Milk: Moisten the base of the vessel with water to reduce the chances of milk to stick at the bottom. Keep a spoon in the vessel while boiling milk at medium heat. It will avoid sticking the milk at the bottom of the vessel. Adding half a tsp of sodium bicarbonate in the milk while boiling will not spoil the milk even if you don't put it in the fridge. ï‚· Mixer/Grinder: Grind some common salt in your mixer/grinder fro some time every month. This will keep your mixer blades sharp. ï‚· Mosquitoes: Put a few camphor tablets in a cup of water and keep it in the bed room near your bed, or in any place with mosquitoes. ï‚· Noodles: When the noodles are boiled, drain all the hot water and add cold water. This way all the noodles will get separated. ï‚· Onions: To avoid crying, cut the onions into two parts and place them in water for 15 minutes before chopping them. Wrap the onions individually in a newspaper and store in a cool and dark place to keep them fresh for long time. ï‚· Oven: Watch from the oven window to conserve energy because the oven temperature drops by 25 degrees every time its door is opened, To clean the oven, apply a paste of sodium bicarbonate and water on the walls and floor of the oven and keep the oven on low heat for about half an hour. Dried food can easily be removed. ï‚· Paneer: To keep paneer fresh for several days, wrap it in a blotting paper while storing in the refrigerator. Do not fry paneer, immerse it in boiling water to make it soft and spongy. ï‚· Papad: Bake in microwave oven. Wrap the papads in polythene sheet and place with dal or rice will prevent them from drying and breaking. ï‚· Pickles: To prevent the growth of fungus in pickles, burn a small grain of asafoetida over a burning coal and invert the empty pickle jar for some time before putting pickles in the jar. ï‚· Popcorn: Keep the maize/corn seeds in the freezer and pop while still frozen to get better pops. ï‚· Potato: To bake potatoes quickly, place them in salt water for 15 minutes before baking. Use the skin of boiled potatoes to wipe mirrors to sparkling clean. Don't store potatoes and onions together. Potatoes will rot quickly if stored with onions. ï‚· Refrigerator: To prevent formation of ice, rub table salt to the insides of your freeze. ï‚· Rice: Add a few drops of lemon juice in the water before boiling the rice to make rice whiter. Add a tsp of canola oil in the water before boiling the rice to separate each grain after cooking. Don't throw away the rice water after cooking. Use it to make soup or add it in making dal (lentils). Add 5g of dried powdered mint leaves to 1kg of rice. It will keep insects at bay. Put a small paper packet of boric powder in the container of rice to keep insects at bay. Put a few leaves of mint in the container of rice to keep insects at bay. ï‚· Samosa: Bake them instead of deep frying to make them fat free. Don't fry the filling potato masala. Preserve the samosas in freezer. For eating, take out of the freezer two hours in advance and bake them over low temp. ï‚· Sugar: Put 2-3 cloves in the sugar to keep ants at bay. ï‚· Tadka: Use sprouted mustard seeds (rayee) and fenugreek (methi) seeds for your tadkas. Both of them when sprouted have more nutritional values. Also this add flavour to the dish and can be more beneficial, besides giving decorative look to the dish. Submitted by MS Itisha Madhav ï‚· Tomato: To remove the skin of tomatoes, place them in warm water for 5-10 minutes. The skin can then be easily peeled off. When tomatoes are not available or too costly, substitute with tomato puree or tomato ketchup/sauce. Place overripe tomatoes in cold water and add some salt. Overnight they will become firm and fresh. ï‚· Tamarind: Tamarind is an excellent polish for brass and copper items. Rub a slab of wet tamarind with some salt sprinkled on it on the object to be polished. Gargles with tamarind water is recommended for a sore throat. ï‚· Utensils: Use nonsticking utensils. Use thick bottom utensils, they get uniformly heated. For electric stoves, use flat bottom utensils. Add a little bit of common salt to the washing powder for better cleaning of utensils. ï‚· Vegetables: Don't discard the water in which the vegetables are soaked or cooked. Use it in making soup or gravy. To keep the vegetables fresh for a longer time, wrap them in newspaper before putting them in freeze. Chop the vegetables only when you are ready to use them. Don't cut them in too advance. It would spoil their food value. ï‚· Sink (Blocked): To clear the blocked drain pipe of your kitchen sink, mix 1/2 cup sodium bicarbonate in 1 cup vinegar and pour it into the sink, and pour about 1 cup water. In an hour the drain pipe will open. ï‚· Soup Salty: Place a raw peeled potato in the bowl, it will absorb the extra salt. ï‚· Yoghurt (Home Made): To set yogurt in winter, place the container in a warm place like oven or over the voltage stabliser. ï‚· Yogurt: If the yogurt has become sour, put it in a muslin cloth and drain all the water. Then add milk to make it as good as fresh in taste. Use the drained water in making tasty gravy for vegetables or for basen curry. To keep the yogurt fresh for many days, fill the vessel containing yogurt with water to the brim and refrigerate. Change the water daily.. ===========END============ ========================== The 10 Top American Givers by Aili McConnon and Lawrence Delevingne Thursday, November 27, 2008 provided byBusinessWeek ========================== Warren Buffett Many of America's ultra-rich continued to give big donations to charity in 2008, despite the worst financial crisis in decades. In the past year, seven philanthropists gave north of $200 million and nine gave more than $100 million to causes ranging from wilderness preservation to fighting malaria. Warren Buffett and Bill Gates remain far and away the biggest givers overall, but two of 12 newcomers to the list pledged to give more than $1 billion away: William Barron Hilton, co-chairman of the Hilton hotel chain who pledged late last year to give away 97% of his wealth -- some $1.7 billion -- to his family's humanitarian foundation and Peter G. Peterson, co-founder of the investment firm Blackstone Group, who gave $1 billion this year to establish a foundation that promotes fiscal responsibility. Read their stories -- and those of the 48 other philanthropists on BusinessWeek's list -- here. More from BusinessWeek.com: • A Year of Mega-Bequests • Social Entrepreneurs Turn Business Sense to Good • Feeling Pinched, Some U.S. Philanthropists Give More 1. Warren Buffett Berkshire Hathaway CEO 2004-08 Giving* $40,655 million Buffett's $31 billion commitment to the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, announced in June 2006, resonated throughout the philanthropic community. The giving is aimed at funding education and global health initiatives. This year the commitment to the Gates Foundation still resonates, inspiring other donors with a new model of philanthropy. Buffett, the world's second-richest man, also earmarked billions for the Susan Thompson Buffett Foundation, the Howard G. Buffett Foundation, and the NoVo Foundation -- independent family foundations that support causes ranging from reproductive health to worldwide conservation. For more, visit the Warren Buffett Philanthropy. BusinessWeek112608_Melinda.jpg Getty Images 2. Bill & Melinda Gates Microsoft co-founder 2004-08 Giving* $2,625 million Bill and Melinda Gates give through their massive Seattle-based family foundation, which says it is "committed to ensuring all people have the opportunity to lead healthy, productive lives." With an endowment of nearly $36 billion, the foundation works with partners to give people a chance to lift themselves out of hunger and extreme poverty in developing countries and, in the U.S., to ensure that all people have the opportunities they need to succeed in school and life. Its endowment is eventually expected to double, thanks to a long-term $31 billion gift from investor Warren Buffett, which pays out in installments. Recent initiatives include $100 million in micro medical-research grants; a $164 million grant to the Alliance for a Green Revolution in Africa; and $125 million to fight global tobacco use as part of a $500 million partnership with New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg. For more, visit the Gates Foundation. 3. George Kaiser Oil and gas, banking, investments 2004-08 Giving* $2,377 million Kaiser's focus remains on early intervention in the cycle of poverty. Giving through his Tulsa-based foundation provides services that include early childhood education, pre-natal health care, public health, in-home parenting, and secondary education, as well as more generalized safety net services that deal with the symptoms of poverty. More recent initiatives have focused on women's incarceration, secondary schools, and reserving land to create an arts and entertainment district in Tulsa. The biggest payout may be yet to come: Kaiser has said he plans to increase his gifts "until I die with one dollar left, assuming I can get the timing just right." For more, visit the George Kaiser Family Foundation. BusinessWeek112608_Soros.jpg Getty Images 4. George Soros Investor 2004-08 Giving* $2,214 million Soros distributes $400 million or more each year through his charitable network, which aims to foster open and democratic societies around the world. This year Soros gave some $535 million to dozens of initiatives, including education in Liberia, microfinance in India, and mental health in Moldova. In 2005 he gave an extra $200 million for his Central European University, a graduate school he helped found in Budapest in 1991. An immigrant from Hungary who made his first billion dollars in England, Soros has given nearly $7 billion to support his network of foundations in more than 60 countries. For more, visit the Open Society Institute. 5. William Barron Hilton Heir and former CEO of Hilton Hotels 2004-08 Giving* $1,700 million New to list Following in his father's footsteps, Hilton late last year announced his intention to leave 97% of his wealth to charity after his stakes in Hilton Hotels and Harrah's Entertainment were bought out by private equity groups for billions. Hilton's fortune will go to his family's foundation, the Conrad N. Hilton Foundation, which works to alleviate the suffering of the world's most disadvantaged, with an emphasis on children and support for the work of Roman Catholic nuns. Grants go to causes such as stopping trachoma, the world's leading cause of preventable blindness in Africa; helping homeless families in the U.S.; and providing clean water in Mexico. For more, visit the Hilton Foundation. BusinessWeek112608_Walton.jpg Getty Images 6. Walton Family Family of Wal-Mart founder 2004-08 Giving* $1,380 million The world's richest family is also one of the most united when it comes to philanthropy. The secretive Waltons commit the bulk of their gifts through the Walton Family Foundation, which supports a variety of charitable causes. Their areas of focus: K-12 education reform, quality-of-life initiatives in northwest Arkansas (home to Wal-Mart), economic development initiatives in the Mississippi Delta region of the U.S., and most recently, marine and fresh water fishing sustainability initiatives. For more, visit the Walton Family Foundation. 7. Herbert & Marion Sandler Golden West Financial co-founders 2004-08 Giving* $1,329 million The Sandlers have given away more than $1 billion to the Sandler Foundation, which works to strengthen progressive causes, such as: exposing corruption and abuse of power; advocating for vulnerable and exploited people and environments; and advancing scientific research. Last year, for example, the foundation committed $10 million a year to launch and sustain ProPublica, an independent non-profit newsroom, under the leadership of former Wall Street Journal Managing Editor Paul Steiger, that produces investigative journalism in the public interest. The foundation also helped establish the liberal think-tank Center for American Progress with a $50 million gift in 2004. For more, visit the Sandler Foundation. 8. Peter Peterson Blackstone Group co-founder 2004-08 Giving* $1,168 million New to list Using his proceeds from Blackstone Group's IPO, Peterson donated $1 billion to establish the Peter G. Peterson Foundation this year. The focus: to encourage greater fiscal responsibility in the U.S. The foundation has already purchased, promoted, and distributed the documentary I.O.U.S.A. to educate Americans about swelling national and personal debt. (The film is likened by many to Al Gore's documentary on global warming, An Inconvenient Truth.) The former Commerce Secretary's timing was uncanny as the financial crisis underscored his urgent message about excessive spending. For more, visit the Peter G. Peterson Foundation. More from Yahoo! Finance: • Million-Dollar Giveaways: A Trend of the Times • Stave Off the Ever-Circling Credit Crunch • The Year of Wall Street's Fallen Idols Visit the Banking & Budgeting Center 9. Donald Bren Real estate developer 2004-08 Giving* $908 million Using property and wealth from his real estate business, Bren has given more than $1 billion, much of it to support education. Bren's commitment to schooling runs the gamut from students to principals to school districts to university scholars on his Irvine Ranch. This year Bren gave $8.5 million to THINK Together after-school programs, one of the largest private donations to after-school programs in California history. In 2007 gifts included $20 million for a new law school at University of California at Irvine and $3 million in annual grants, teacher recognition, and student scholarships. In 2006 he gave a $20 million gift to fund elementary fine arts, music, and science programs at schools in Irvine, Calif. For more, visit the Donald Bren Foundation. 10. Michael Bloomberg Bloomberg founder, NYC Mayor 2004-08 Giving* $903 million This year, Bloomberg added a $250 million, four-year commitment to his Initiative to Reduce Tobacco Use, which was established in 2005 and has received more than $375 million from the New York City mayor. The new money is in partnership with the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. Late last year, Bloomberg's Family Foundation gave $9 million to promote global road safety, among others on the mayor's long list of charitable causes each year. Dedicated to making strides in education, he has also committed $100 million to alma mater Johns Hopkins University and purchased a townhouse on the Upper East Side for his future foundation. Bloomberg gave $10 million to the World Trade Center Foundation. Since 1997, Bloomberg has pledged more than $1.5 billion to charities and initiatives. For more, visit the Bloomberg Philanthropies. *Based on public records and interviews with donors Data: BusinessWeek, The Chronicle of Philanthropy and the Center on Philanthropy at Indiana University =============END================ ============================ The Best 50 of Murphy's Law ============================ You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. *********** Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.. *********** Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition. *********** Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand. *********** If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. *********** The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm. *********** The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord. *********** An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing. *********** Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure. *********** All great discoveries are made by mistake. *********** Always draw your curves, then plot your reading. *********** Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget. *********** All's well that ends. *********** A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost. *********** The first myth of management is that it exists. *********** A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection. *********** New systems generate new problems. *********** To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. *********** We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything. *********** Any given program, when running, is obsolete. *********** Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. *********** A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make. *********** The faster a computer is, the faster it will reach a crashed state. *********** Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work. *********** Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book. *********** The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman. *********** To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most. *********** After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done. *********** Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development. *********** A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works. *********** If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number. *********** Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable. *********** Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a "Pearl Harbor File." *********** Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases. *********** If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious. *********** The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order. *********** In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totalled correctly after 4:30 p.m. On Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. On Monday. *********** Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches. *********** All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door. *********** The only perfect science is hind-sight. *********** Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling. *********** If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist. *********** If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. *********** When all else fails, read the instructions. *********** If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. *********** Everything that goes up must come down. *********** Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner. *********** Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way. *********** Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it. *********** The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management. *********** ============================ =============== magic of MATHS =============== 1 x 8 + 1 = 9 12 x 8 + 2 = 98 123 x 8 + 3 = 987 1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876 12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765 123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654 1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543 12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432 123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321 ================================ ============= THE TAX POEM ============= Tax his land, Tax his bed, Tax the table At which he's fed. Tax his tractor, Tax his mule, Teach him taxes Are the rule. Tax his work, Tax his pay, He works for peanuts Anyway! Tax his cow, Tax his goat, Tax his pants, Tax his coat. Tax his ties, Tax his shirt, Tax his work, Tax his dirt. Tax his tobacco, Tax his drink, Tax him if he Tries to think. Tax his cigars, Tax his beers, If he cries Tax his tears. Tax his car, Tax his gas, Find other ways To tax his ass. Tax all he has Then let him know That you won't be done Till he has no dough. When he screams and hollers; Then tax him some more, Tax him til He's good and sore. Then tax his coffin, Tax his grave, Tax the sod in Which he's laid. Put these words Upon his tomb, 'Taxes drove me to my doom...' When he's gone, Do not relax, Its time to apply The inheritance tax. Accounts Receivable Tax Airline surcharge tax Airline Fuel Tax Airport Maintenance Tax Building Permit Tax Cigarette Tax Corporate Income Tax Death Tax Dog License Tax Driving Permit Tax Excise Taxes Federal Income Tax Federal Unemployment (UI) Fishing License Tax Food License Tax Petrol Tax ( too much per litre) Gross Receipts Tax Health Tax Hunting License Tax Hydro Tax Inheritance Tax Interest Tax Liquor Tax Luxury Taxes Marriage License Tax Medicare Tax Mortgage Tax Personal Income Tax Property Tax Poverty Tax Prescription Drug Tax Property Tax Provincial Income Tax Real Estate Tax Recreational Vehicle Tax Retail Sales Tax Service Charge Tax School Tax Telephone Tax Telephone, Provincial and Local Surcharge Taxes Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax Vehicle License Registration Tax Vehicle Sales Tax Water Tax Watercraft Registration Tax Well Permit Tax Workers Compensation Tax STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY? Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was one of the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had a large middleclass, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids. What in the hell happened? Can you spell 'politicians? ' [I received this in an email.] [Thanks to the sender] ============================= ======================= Can you please clarify? ======================= 1. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be given a thought) 2. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good thinking) 3. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows) 4. Can you cry under water? (let me try) 5. Why do people say, "you've been working like adog" when dogs just sit around all day? (I think they meant something else) 6. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows) 7. Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell) 8. Can you get cornered in a round room? (by ones eyes) 9. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight I will stay and watch) 10. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,then what is baby oil made from? (No comments) 11. What should one call a male ladybird? (No comments) 12. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot? (can somebody help ) 13. Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can) 14. Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange isn't it) 15. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be ! Able to hear it? (got to think scientifically) 16. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens? 17. Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? (very nice) 18. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road? 19. If drink & drive is not allowed why the hell they have parking in Bars? ================================ ===================== Significance of "108" ===================== It is the practice in every calculation and transaction of the currency or any thing to round off the figure to one, by removing the decimals and also to ten, hundred and thousand so on. But in every pooja, we worship God/Goddess in 108 names which we call it as �Ashtottara�.. Why not 100 a round figure? If we go deep into its significance: The Indian Subcontinent rosary or set of mantra counting has 108 beads. 108 has been a sacred number in the Indian Subcontinent for a very long time. This number is explained in many different ways. The ancient Indians were excellent mathematicians and 108 may be the product of a precise mathematical operation (e.g. 1 power 1 x 2 power 2 x 3 powers 3 = 108) which was thought to have special numerological significance. Powers of 1, 2, and 3 in math: 1 to 1st power=1; 2 to 2nd power=4 (2x2); 3 to 3rd power=27 (3x3x3). 1x4x27=108 Sanskrit alphabet: There are 54 letters in the Sanskrit alphabet. Each has masculine and feminine, Siva and Sakti. 54 times 2 are 108. Sri Yantra: On the Sri Yantra there is marmas where three lines intersect, and there are 54 such intersections. Each intersection has masculine and feminine, Siva and Sakti qualities. 54 x 2 equals 108. Thus, there are 108 points that define the Sri yantra as well as the human body. 9 times 12: Both of these numbers have been said to have spiritual significance in many traditions. 9 times 12 is 108. Also, 1 plus 8 equals 9. That 9 times x 12 equals 108. Heart Chakra: The chakras are the intersections of energy lines, and there are said to be a total of 108 energy lines converging to form the heart chakra. One of them, sushumna leads to the crown chakra, and is said to be the path to Self-realization. Marmas: Marmas or marmastanas are like energy intersections called chakras, except have fewer energy lines converging to form them. There are said to be 108 marmas in the subtle body. Time: Some say there are 108 feelings, with 36 related to the past, 36 related to the present, and 36 related to the future. Astrology: There are 12 constellations, and 9 arc segments called namshas or chandrakalas. 9 times 12 equal 108. Chandra is moon, and kalasa are the divisions within a whole. Planets and Houses: In astrology, there are 12 houses and 9 planets. 12 times 9 equal 108. 1, 0, and 8: 1 stands for God or higher Truth, 0 stands for emptiness or completeness in spiritual practice, and 8 stands for infinity or eternity. Sun and Earth: The diameter of the sun is 108 times the diameter of the Earth. Numerical scale: The 1 of 108, and the 8 of 108, when added together equals 9, which is the number of the numerical scale, i.e. 1, 2, 3 ... 10, etc., where 0 is not a number. Smaller divisions: The number 108 is divided, such as in half, third, quarter, or twelfth, so that some malas have 54, 36, 27, or 9 beads. Islam: The number 108 is used in Islam to refer to God. Jain: In the Jain religion, 108 are the combined virtues of five categories of holy ones, including 12, 8, 36, 25, and 27 virtues respectively. Sikh: The Sikh tradition has a mala of 108 knots tied in a string of wool, rather than beads. Chinese: The Chinese Buddhists and Taoists use a 108 bead mala, which is called su-chu, and has three dividing beads, so the mala is divided into three parts of 36 each. Stages of the soul: Said that Atman, the human soul or center goes through 108 stages on the journey. Meru: This is a larger bead, not part of the 108. It is not tied in the sequence of the other beads. It is the guiding bead, the one that marks the beginning and end of the mala. Dance: There are 108 forms of dance in the Indian traditions. Pythagorean: The nine is the limit of all numbers, all others existing and coming from the same. i.e.: 0 to 9 is all one needs to make up an infinite amount of numbers. There are 108 Upanishads contained in the Muktikopanishad. The same are given hereunder, in four categories according to the particular Veda to which each of them belong. Rigveda(10): Aitareya , Atmabodha, Kaushitaki, Mudgala, Nirvana, Nadabindu, Akshamaya, Tripura, Bahvruka, Saubhagyalakshmi. Yajurveda(50): Katha, Taittiriya , Isavasya , Brihadaranyaka, Akshi, Ekakshara, Garbha, Pranagnihotra, Svetasvatara, Sariraka, Sukarahasya, Skanda, Sarvasara, Adhyatma, Niralamba, Paingala, Mantrika, Muktika, Subala, Avadhuta, Katharudra, Brahma, Jabala, Turiyatita, Paramahamsa, Bhikshuka, Yajnavalkya, Satyayani, Amrutanada, Amrutabindu, Kshurika, Tejobindu, Dhyanabindu, Brahmavidya, Yogakundalini, Yogatattva, Yogasikha, Varaha, Advayataraka, Trisikhibrahmana, mandalabrahmana, Hamsa, Kalisantaraa, Narayana, Tarasara, Kalagnirudra, Dakshinamurti, Pancabrahma, Rudrahrudaya, Sarasvatiirahasya. SamaVeda(16): Kena, Chandogya, Mahata, Maitrayani, Vajrasuci, Savitri, Aruneya, Kundika, Maitreyi, Samnyasa, Jabaladarsana, Yogacudamani, Avyakta, Vasudevai, Jabali, Rudrakshajabala. Adharvanaveda(32): Prasna , Mandukya, Mundaka, Atma, Surya, Narada-Parivrajakas, Parabrahma, Paramahamsa-Parivrajakas, Pasupatha-Brahma, Mahavakya, Sandilya, Krishna, Garuda, Gopalatapani, Tripadavibhuti-mahanarayana, Dattatreya, Kaivalya, Nrusimhatapani, Ramatapani, Ramarahasya, Hayagriva, Atharvasikha, Atharvasira, Ganapati, Brhajjabala, Bhasmajabala, Sarabha, Annapurna, Tripuratapani, Devi, Bhavana, Sita. ===========END============== ====================== NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS ====================== CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer. CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer. BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. BROKER -- What my broker has made me. STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock. STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share. INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use. ===========END================== ================= Girls are always incomplete without boys ================== WOMAN has MAN in it ******** SHE has HE in it ******** Mrs. Has Mr. In it ******** LADY has LAD in it ******** MISTRESS has MISTER in it ******** MADAM has ADAM in it ******** HOSTESS has HOST in it ******** FEMALE has MALE in it so on the list is unending ******** Girls are always incomplete without boys *************END******************* ======================= 40 Tips for Better Life ======================= 1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile. 2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. 3. Sleep for at least 7 hours. 4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy. 5. Play more games. 6. Read more books than you did last year. 7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives. 8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6. 9. Dream more while you are awake. 10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants. 11. Drink plenty of water. 12.. Try to make at least three people smile each day.. 13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip. 14. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his / her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness. 15. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment. 16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime. 17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar. 18. Smile and laugh more. 19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others. 20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. 21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree. 22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present. 23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don't compare your partner with others'. 24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.. 25. Forgive every one for every thing. 26. What other people think of you is none of your business. 27. GOD heals everything.. 28. However good or bad a situation is -- it will change. 29. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Friends will. Stay in touch. . . 30. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful. 31. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. 32.. The best is yet to come. 33. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. 34. Do the right thing ! 35. Call your family often. 36. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy. 37. Each day give something good to others. 38. Don't over do. Keep your limits. 39. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it. 40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about. TAKE CARE...... LOVE YOURSELF.... .... ===============XXX=============== ===================== Silly Questions! Stupid Answers ! ================== 1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends... Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here? Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here.. 2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet... Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt? Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again. 3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask... Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people. Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you? 4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter Stupid Question:- Is ! the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good?? Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it. 5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years... Stupid Question:- Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big. Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself. 6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask.... Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good? Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it's just the money. 7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call... Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping? Answer:- No.. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping....you dumb witted moron. 8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair.... Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut? Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding...... 9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth... Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts? Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed. 10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks... Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke. Answer:- Gosh, it's a miracle ........it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!! =====x=====x======== ================== Killing English ================== Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigerette... ? " Class teacher once said : " pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!" once Hindi teacher said...."i'm going out of the world to America.." "..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.." Dont..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down..... it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said " why is fan not oning" (ing form of on) teacher in a furious mood... write down ur name and father of ur name!! "shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college" My manager started like this "Hi, I am Pinky, Married with two kids" "I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board "will u hang that calender or else i'll HANG MYSELF" LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE" Chemistry HOD comes and tells us.... "My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter" Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father "why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!" Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code.. "I understand. You understand. Computer how understand?? Seing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class.. "Keep quiet, the principal has passed away" ================================== ======================= 16 things it took me over 50 years to learn: By:Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist ========================= 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.' 3. There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.' 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 5. You should not confuse your career with your life. 6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. 7. Never lick a steak knife. 8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip. 9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. 10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11. 12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. 13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. 14. Your friends love you anyway. 15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic. 16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes; and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with. --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ ============== DES & Pardes ============== 1. Mother-in law: In Des - A women capable of making your life miserable. In Pardes - A women you never fight with, because where else you will find such a dedicated baby sitter for free? 2. Husband: In Des - A boring human species, who listens more to his mother than you, and orders you around to serve him, his parents and siblings. In Pardes -Still boring, but now a useful human species that comes in handy when the house needs to be vacuumed. 3. Friend: In Des - A person whose house you can drop into any time of the day or night and you'll always be welcome. In Pardes -A person who you have to call first to check and make sure he is not busy. 4. Wife: In Des - A woman who gives you your towel when you go to take a shower. In Pardes - A woman who yells at you not to leave tub dirty when you go to take bath. 5. Son: In Des -- A teenager, who without asking will carry your grocery bags from the market. In Pardes - A teenager, who suddenly remembers he has lot of homework when you start mowing the lawn. 6. Daughter: In Des - A lovely doll, who brings tears to your eyes when her doli is about to leave. In Pardes - A lovely doll, who brings you to tears long before any doli time. 7. Father: In Des - A person you are afraid of, and who is never to be disobeyed. In Pardes -A person to whom you pretend to obey, after all he is the one paying your college tuition. 8. Engineer: In Des -A person with a respectable job and lots of upper ki kamai. In Pardes -A person without a secure job, who always dreams one day he will be rich. 9. Desi Doctor: In Des -- A respectable person with ok income. In Pardes - A money making machine, who has a money spending machine at home called "doctor ki biwi". 10. Bhangra: In Des - A vigorous punjabi festival dance. In Pardes - A desi dance you do, when you don't know how to dance. 11. Software Engineer: In Des - A high-tech guy, always speaks in American accent, always anxious to queue consulate visa line. In Pardes - The same hitech guy, who does Ganapati puja everyday, and says 'This is my last year in the US (or wherever)' every year. 12. A Green Card holder bachelor: In Des - the guy can't speak Hindi, parents of good looking girls are dying to hook him, wears jacket in summer, says he has a BMW back there. In Pardes - the guy can't speak English, wears jacket all the time, works in a Candy store at Manhattan , dreams of owning a BMW. =================================== =========================== Read to laugh and learn !!! =========================== GREAT INDIANS ============= ARYABHATT (476 CE) MASTER ASTRONOMER AND MATHEMATICIAN Born in 476 CE in Kusumpur (Bihar), Aryabhatt's intellectual brilliance remapped the boundaries of mathematics and astronomy. In 499 CE, at the age of 23, he wrote a text on astronomy and an unparallel treatise on mathematics called 'Aryabhatiyam. ' He formulated the process of calculating the motion of planets and the time of eclipses. Aryabhatt was the first to proclaim that the earth is round, it rotates on its axis, orbits the sun and is suspended in space - 1000 years before Copernicus published his heliocentric theory. He is also acknowledged for calculating p (Pi) to four decimal places: 3.1416 and the sine table in trigonometry. Centuries later, in 825 CE, the Arab mathematician, Mohammed Ibna Musa credited the value of Pi to the Indians, 'This value has been given by the Hindus.' And above all, his most spectacular contribution was the concept of zero without which modern computer technology would have been non-existent. Aryabhatt was a colossus in the field of mathematics. BHASKARACHARYA II GENIUS IN ALGEBRA Born in the obscure village of Vijjadit (Jalgaon) in Maharastra, Bhaskaracharya' s work in Algebra, Arithmetic and Geometry catapulted him to fame and immortality. His renowned mathematical works called 'Lilavati' and 'Bijaganita' are considered to be unparalled and a memorial to his profound intelligence. Its translation in several languages of the world bear testimony to its eminence. In his treatise 'Siddhant Shiromani' he writes on planetary positions, eclipses, cosmography, mathematical techniques and astronomical equipment. In the 'Surya Siddhant' he makes a note on the force of gravity: 'Objects fall on earth due to a force of attraction by the earth. Therefore, the earth, planets, constellations, moon, and sun are held in orbit due to this attraction.' Bhaskaracharya was the first to discover gravity, 500 years before Sir Isaac Newton. He was the champion among mathematicians of ancient and medieval India. His works fired the imagination of Persian and European scholars, who through research on his works earned fame and popularity. ACHARYA KANAD FOUNDER OF ATOMIC THEORY As the founder of 'Vaisheshik Darshan'- one of six principal philosophies of India - Acharya Kanad was a genius in philosophy. He is believed to have been born in Prabhas Kshetra near Dwarika in Gujarat. He was the pioneer expounder of realism, law of causation and the atomic theory. He has classified all the objects of creation into nine elements, namely: earth, water, light, wind, ether, time, space, mind and soul. He says, 'Every object of creation is made of atoms which in turn connect with each other to form molecules.' His statement ushered in the Atomic Theory for the first time ever in the world, nearly 2500 years before John Dalton.. Kanad has also described the dimension and motion of atoms and their chemical reactions with each other. The eminent historian, T.N. Colebrook, has said, 'Compared to the scientists of Europe, Kanad and other Indian scientists were the global masters of this field.' NAGARJUNA (100 CE) WIZARD OF CHEMICAL SCIENCE He was an extraordinary wizard of science born in the nondescript village of Baluka in Madhya Pradesh. His dedicated research for twelve years produced maiden discoveries and inventions in the faculties of chemistry and metallurgy. Textual masterpieces like 'Ras Ratnakar,' 'Rashrudaya' and 'Rasendramangal' are his renowned contributions to the science of chemistry. Where the medieval alchemists of England failed, Nagarjuna had discovered the alchemy of transmuting base metals into gold. As the author of medical books like 'Arogyamanjari' and 'Yogasar,' he also made significant contributions to the field of curative medicine. Because of his profound scholarliness and versatile knowledge, he was appointed as Chancellor of the famous University of Nalanda. Nagarjuna's milestone discoveries impress and astonish the scientists of today. ACHARYA CHARAK (600 BCE) FATHER OF MEDICINE Acharya Charak has been crowned as the Father of Medicine. His renowned work, the 'Charak Samhita', is considered as an encyclopedia of Ayurveda. His principles, diagoneses, and cures retain their potency and truth even after a couple of millennia. When the science of anatomy was confused with different theories in Europe, Acharya Charak revealed through his innate genius and enquiries the facts on human anatomy, embryology, pharmacology, blood circulation and diseases like diabetes, tuberculosis, heart disease, etc. In the 'Charak Samhita' he has described the medicinal qualities and functions of 100,000 herbal plants. He has emphasized the influence of diet and activity on mind and body. He has proved the correlation of spirituality and physical health contributed greatly to diagnostic and curative sciences. He has also prescribed and ethical charter for medical practitioners two centuries prior to the Hippocratic oath. Through his genius and intuition, Acharya Charak made landmark contributions to Ayurvedal. He forever remains etched in the annals of history as one of the greatest and noblest of rishi-scientists. ACHARYA SUSHRUT (600 BCE) FATHER OF PLASTIC SURGERY A genius who has been glowingly recognized in the annals of medical science. Born to sage Vishwamitra, Acharya Sudhrut details the first ever surgery procedures in 'Sushrut Samhita,' a unique encyclopedia of surgery. He is venerated as the father of plastic surgery and the science of anesthesia. When surgery was in its infancy in Europe, Sushrut was performing Rhinoplasty (restoration of a damaged nose) and other challenging operations. In the 'Sushrut Samhita,' he prescribes treatment for twelve types of fractures and six types of dislocations. His details on human embryology are simply amazing. Sushrut used 125 types of surgical instruments including scalpels, lancets, needles, Cathers and rectal speculums; mostly designed from the jaws of animals and birds. He has also described a number of stitching methods; the use of horse's hair as thread and fibers of bark. In the 'Sushrut Samhita,' and fibers of bark. In the 'Sushrut Samhita,' he details 300 types of operations. The ancient Indians were the pioneers in amputation, caesarian and cranial surgeries. Acharya Sushrut was a giant in the arena of medical science. VARAHAMIHIR (499-587 CE) EMINENT ASTROLOGER AND ASTRONOMERA renowned astrologer and astronomer who was honored with a special decoration and status as one of the nine gems in the court of King Vikramaditya in Avanti (Ujjain). Varahamihir' s book 'panchsiddhant' holds a prominent place in the realm of astronomy. He notes that the moon and planets are lustrous not because of their own light but due to sunlight. In the 'Bruhad Samhita' and 'Bruhad Jatak,' he has revealed his discoveries in the domains of geography, constellation, science, botany and animal science. In his treatise on botanical science, Varamihir presents cures for various diseases afflicting plants and trees. The rishi-scientist survives through his unique contributions to the science of astrology and astronomy. ACHARYA PATANJALI (200 BCE) FATHER OF YOGA The Science of Yoga is one of several unique contributions of India to the world. It seeks to discover and realize the ultimate Reality through yogic practices. Acharya Patanjali, the founder, hailed from the district of Gonda (Ganara) in Uttar Pradesh. He prescribed the control of prana (life breath) as the means to control the body, mind and soul. This subsequently rewards one with good health and inner happiness. Acharya Patanjali's 84 yogic postures effectively enhance the efficiency of the respiratory, circulatory, nervous, digestive and endocrine systems and many other organs of the body. Yoga has eight limbs where Acharya Patanjali shows the attainment of the ultimate bliss of God in samadhi through the disciplines of: yam, niyam, asan, pranayam, pratyahar, dhyan and dharna. The Science of Yoga has gained popularity because of its scientific approach and benefits. Yoga also holds the honored place as one of six philosophies in the Indian philosophical system. Acharya Patanjali will forever be remembered and revered as a pioneer in the science of self-discipline, happiness and self-realization. ACHARYA BHARADWAJ (800 BCE) PIONEER OF AVIATION TECHNOLOGY Acharya Bharadwaj had a hermitage in the holy city of Prayag and was an ordent apostle of Ayurveda and mechanical sciences. He authored the 'Yantra Sarvasva' which includes astonishing and outstanding discoveries in aviation science, space science and flying machines. He has described three categories of flying machines: 1.) One that flies on earth from one place to another. 2.) One that travels from one planet to another. 3.) And One that travels from one universe to another. His designs and descriptions have impressed and amazed aviation engineers of today. His brilliance in aviation technology is further reflected through techniques described by him: 1.) Profound Secret: The technique to make a flying machine invisible through the application of sunlight and wind force. 2.) Living Secret: The technique to make an invisible space machine visible through the application of electrical force. 3.) Secret of Eavesdropping: The technique to listen to a conversation in another plane. 4.) Visual Secrets: The technique to see what's happening inside another plane. Through his innovative and brilliant discoveries, Acharya Bharadwaj has been recognized as the pioneer of aviation technology. ACHARYA KAPIL (3000 BCE) FATHER OF COSMOLOGY Celebrated as the founder of Sankhya philosophy, Acharya Kapil is believed to have been born in 3000 BCE to the illustrious sage Kardam and Devhuti. He gifted the world with the Sankhya School of Thought. His pioneering work threw light on the nature and principles of the ultimate Soul (Purusha), primal matter (Prakruti) and creation. His concept of transformation of energy and profound commentaries on atma, non-atma and the subtle elements of the cosmos places him in an elite class of master achievers - incomparable to the discoveries of other cosmologists. On his assertion that Prakruti, with the inspiration of Purusha, is the mother of cosmic creation and all energies, he contributed a new chapter in the science of cosmology. Because of his extrasensory observations and revelations on the secrets of creation, he is recognized and saluted as the Father of Cosmology. =================================== ======================== Old wine in New Bottle ! ======================== 1 ) Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family, forgot his food, Forgot laughter were called "Saints" But now they are called.. " IT professionals " 2 ) An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt: "If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off" 3. ) Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love.. Love is always present.. Its just that, One loves too much, And the other loves too many, 4. ) Employee: Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary..! BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..! 5. ) Philosophy of life At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD , Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..! 6. ) What is a Fear? Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach When pages of your book still smell new and Just few hours left for your exams...! 7. ) Useful Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer" No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..! 8.) Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes? Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!" Girl: That's good, Give me 12 of them..! 9) After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an... opening for you...! " Applicant: What is it? Interviewer: Its called the "door..!" 10) A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company.. Drive Slowly, Don't kill our Employee.... . Leave them to us ================================= ============================= Newton in Romantic Mood: Universal law of Love: ============================= " Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money " ************ * First law of Love: " a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. " ************ * Second law of Love: " the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance. " ************ * Third law of Love: " the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping ." ********* =================================== =================== SUNDAY HOLY HUMOUR. =================== A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, 'I know what the Bible means!' His father smiled and replied, 'What do you mean, you 'know' What the Bible means? The son replied, 'I do know!' 'Okay,' said his father. 'What does the Bible mean?' 'That's easy, Daddy...' the young boy replied excitedly,' It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.' ======= There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. 'Is there anything breakable in here?' asked the postal clerk. 'Only the Ten Commandments. ' answered the lady. ======== 'Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, 'Good morning, Lord,' and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, 'Good Lord, it's morning.' ======== A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then, he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: 'I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses.' When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note 'I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.' ======== There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: 'I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets.' ======== While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humour, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... 'Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.' ======== A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. 'Reverend,' said the young man, 'I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.' The minister chuckled, 'I know what you mean. It's the same in my business.' ======== People want the front of the bus, The back of the church, And The centre of attention. ======== Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, 'Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt.' Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said, 'Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming.' ======== The minister (in Canada) was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. 'Here's a copy of the service,' he said impatiently. 'But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances.' During the service, the minister paused and said, 'Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up.' At that moment, the substitute organist played, 'O Canada.' And that is how the substitute became the regular organist! ================================ =================== Latest Love Letter =================== My dear FAIR and LOVELY (ek chand ka tukda) , after WIPRO (Applying Thought) so much ,I dare to say that You are my TVS SCOOTY (First love) and BOSCH (Invented for life) and my AIWA (Pure passion). I always BPL (Believe in the best) and you are SANSUI(Better than the best). You are DOMINO'S PIZZA (Deliver ing a million smiles) for me. This is a COLGATE ENERGY GEL (Seriously fresh ) feeling for me. I want you to be my life partner but I think you are worried about your father who is KAWASAKI BAJAJ CALIBER (The Unshakable) and my father who is CEAT (Born Tough) but don't worry as I am also FORD ICON (The Josh Machine) and rest of our family members are KELVINATORS (The Coolest ones). If they say no, we will run away and marry and PHILIPS (Let's Make Things Better). They will feel MIRINDA (Zor ka jhatka dhire se lage) but I believe in COCA COLA (Jo chahe ho jaye). For our marriage SAMSUNG DIGITALL (Everyone's Invited) and after marriage we'll be WHIRLPOOL (U and ME - The World's best homemakers) Trust in God who's always NOKIA (Connecting people) who love each other. And we are WILLS (Made for each other) . Now that HYUNDAI(we are listening) the song of love, you must know that love is DAIRY MILK (Real taste of life) , SATYAM ONLINE (Fun, Fast, Easy ) and PARX (Always Comfortable). So never forget me. Ok bye! I wrote little but PEPSI (Yeh dil mange more). LG (Digitally Yours) !!!!! bye bye ======================= TAX STRUCTURE IN INDIA ======================= 1) Qus. : What are you doing? Ans. : Business. Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX! 2) Qus. : What are you doing in Business? Ans. : Selling the Goods. Tax : PAY SALES TAX!! 3) Qus. : >From where are you getting Goods? Ans. : From other State/Abroad Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI! 4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods? Ans. : Profit. Tax : PAY INCOME TAX! Qus. : How do you distribute profit ? Ans : By way of dividend Tax : Pay dividend distribution Tax 5) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods? Ans. : Factory. Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY! 6) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory? Ans. : Yes Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX! 7) Qus. : Do you have Staff? Ans. : Yes Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX! 8) Qus. : Doing business in Millions? Ans. : Yes Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX! Ans : No Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax 9) Qus. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank? Ans. : Yes, for Salary. Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX! 10) Qus.: Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner? Ans. : Hotel Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX! 11) Qus.: Are you going Out of Station for Business? Ans. : Yes Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX! 12) Qus.: Have you taken or given any Service/s? Ans. : Yes Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX! 13) Qus.: How come you got such a Big Amount? Ans. : Gift on birthday. Tax : PAY GIFT TAX! 14) Qus.: Do you have any Wealth? Ans. : Yes Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX! 15) Qus.: To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going? Ans. : Cinema or Resort. Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX! 16) Qus.: Have you purchased House? Ans. : Yes Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE ! 17) Qus.: How you Travel? Ans. : Bus Tax : PAY SURCHARGE! 18) Qus.: Any Additional Tax? Ans. : Yes Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!! 19) Qus.: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax? Ans. : Yes Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY! 20) INDIAN :: can i die now?? Ans :: wait we are about to launch the funeral tax!!! ============================= ================================ =============================== These are some of the romantic countries in the world. =============================== H.O.L.L.A.N.D. - Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies. I.T.A.L.Y. - I Trust And Love You. L.I.B.Y.A. - Love Is Beautiful; You Also. F.R.A.N.C.E. - Friendships Remain And Never Can End. C.H.I.N.A. - Come Here..I Need Affection. B.U.R.M.A. - Between Us, Remember Me Always. N.E.P.A.L. - Never Ever Part As Lovers. I.N.D.I.A. - I Nearly Died In Adoration. ===================================== ============================= 21st CENTURY LIFELESSNESS..!! ============================= Our communication - Wireless, Our telephone - Cordless, Our cooking - Fireless, Our youth - Jobless, Our religion - Creedless, Our food - Fatless, Our faith - Godless, Our labor - Effortless, Our conduct - Worthless, Our relation - Loveless, Our attitude - Careless, Our feelings - Heartless, Our education - Valueless, Our Follies - Countless, Our arguments - Baseless, Our bosses - Hopeless, Finally, Our Salary - Veryless, This Email - Meaningless, AND ......... ......... ......... The person who is reading it - useless....!! !! --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ ============================= ======================= Love Marriages Why Love marriages are better than arranged marriages? Because Known Devils Are Better Than Unknown Devils. LAWYER MARRIAGE I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of husband after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e.)Myself. Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence. DOCTOR MARRIAGE Recently a love-bug injected in me a strange bacteria, making me desirous of marriage. I'm looking for a girl who is patient and has knowledge of all ills and pills, is religious minded and keeps away from all sins. Be it Anacin, metasin or crosin. I promise to be a good doctor with no side effects. Apply or reply. Pre-marital Love We were in long nine months before our marriage. One day my wife asked - "You don't love me as you did before our marriage." I replied - "I don't like to continue the pre-marital affairs." Beautiful Woman The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" she asks. "Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere." Marrige Cost A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying." Wishful Thinking A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children." The next-door neighbour protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children." The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?". ======================= ============== DES & Pardes ============== 1. Mother-in law: In Des - A women capable of making your life miserable. In Pardes - A women you never fight with, because where else you will find such a dedicated baby sitter for free? 2. Husband: In Des - A boring human species, who listens more to his mother than you, and orders you around to serve him, his parents and siblings. In Pardes -Still boring, but now a useful human species that comes in handy when the house needs to be vacuumed. 3. Friend: In Des - A person whose house you can drop into any time of the day or night and you'll always be welcome. In Pardes -A person who you have to call first to check and make sure he is not busy. 4. Wife: In Des - A woman who gives you your towel when you go to take a shower. In Pardes - A woman who yells at you not to leave tub dirty when you go to take bath. 5. Son: In Des -- A teenager, who without asking will carry your grocery bags from the market. In Pardes - A teenager, who suddenly remembers he has lot of homework when you start mowing the lawn. 6. Daughter: In Des - A lovely doll, who brings tears to your eyes when her doli is about to leave. In Pardes - A lovely doll, who brings you to tears long before any doli time. 7. Father: In Des - A person you are afraid of, and who is never to be disobeyed. In Pardes -A person to whom you pretend to obey, after all he is the one paying your college tuition. 8. Engineer: In Des -A person with a respectable job and lots of upper ki kamai. In Pardes -A person without a secure job, who always dreams one day he will be rich. 9. Desi Doctor: In Des -- A respectable person with ok income. In Pardes - A money making machine, who has a money spending machine at home called "doctor ki biwi". 10. Bhangra: In Des - A vigorous punjabi festival dance. In Pardes - A desi dance you do, when you don't know how to dance. 11. Software Engineer: In Des - A high-tech guy, always speaks in American accent, always anxious to queue consulate visa line. In Pardes - The same hitech guy, who does Ganapati puja everyday, and says 'This is my last year in the US (or wherever)' every year. 12. A Green Card holder bachelor: In Des - the guy can't speak Hindi, parents of good looking girls are dying to hook him, wears jacket in summer, says he has a BMW back there. In Pardes - the guy can't speak English, wears jacket all the time, works in a Candy store at Manhattan , dreams of owning a BMW. =================================== ======================== Old wine in New Bottle ! ======================== 1 ) Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family, forgot his food, Forgot laughter were called "Saints" But now they are called.. " IT professionals " 2 ) An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt: "If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off" 3. ) Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love.. Love is always present.. Its just that, One loves too much, And the other loves too many, 4. ) Employee: Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary..! BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..! 5. ) Philosophy of life At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD , Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..! 6. ) What is a Fear? Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach When pages of your book still smell new and Just few hours left for your exams...! 7. ) Useful Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer" No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..! 8.) Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes? Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!" Girl: That's good, Give me 12 of them..! 9) After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an... opening for you...! " Applicant: What is it? Interviewer: Its called the "door..!" 10) A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company.. Drive Slowly, Don't kill our Employee.... . Leave them to us ============================================================ ============================= Newton in Romantic Mood: Universal law of Love: ============================= " Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money " ************ * First law of Love: " a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. " ************ * Second law of Love: " the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance. " ************ * Third law of Love: " the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping ." ********* =================================== =================== SUNDAY HOLY HUMOUR. =================== A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, 'I know what the Bible means!' His father smiled and replied, 'What do you mean, you 'know' What the Bible means? The son replied, 'I do know!' 'Okay,' said his father. 'What does the Bible mean?' 'That's easy, Daddy...' the young boy replied excitedly, ' It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.' ======= There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. 'Is there anything breakable in here?' asked the postal clerk. 'Only the Ten Commandments. ' answered the lady. ======== 'Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, 'Good morning, Lord,' and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, 'Good Lord, it's morning.' ======== A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then, he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: 'I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses.' When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note 'I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.' ======== There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: 'I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets.' ======== While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humour, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... 'Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.' ======== A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. 'Reverend,' said the young man, 'I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.' The minister chuckled, 'I know what you mean. It's the same in my business.' ======== People want the front of the bus, The back of the church, And The centre of attention. ======== Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, 'Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt. ' Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said, 'Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming.' ======== The minister (in Canada) was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. 'Here's a copy of the service,' he said impatiently. 'But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances.' During the service, the minister paused and said, 'Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up.' At that moment, the substitute organist played, 'O Canada.' And that is how the substitute became the regular organist! ================================ =================== Latest Love Letter =================== My dear FAIR and LOVELY (ek chand ka tukda) , after WIPRO (Applying Thought) so much ,I dare to say that You are my TVS SCOOTY (First love) and BOSCH (Invented for life) and my AIWA (Pure passion). I always BPL (Believe in the best) and you are SANSUI(Better than the best). You are DOMINO'S PIZZA (Delivering a million smiles) for me. This is a COLGATE ENERGY GEL (Seriously fresh ) feeling for me. I want you to be my life partner but I think you are worried about your father who is KAWASAKI BAJAJ CALIBER (The Unshakable) and my father who is CEAT (Born Tough) but don't worry as I am also FORD ICON (The Josh Machine) and rest of our family members are KELVINATORS (The Coolest ones). If they say no, we will run away and marry and PHILIPS (Let's Make Things Better). They will feel MIRINDA (Zor ka jhatka dhire se lage) but I believe in COCA COLA (Jo chahe ho jaye). For our marriage SAMSUNG DIGITALL (Everyone's Invited) and after marriage we'll be WHIRLPOOL (U and ME - The World's best homemakers) Trust in God who's always NOKIA (Connecting people) who love each other. And we are WILLS (Made for each other) . Now that HYUNDAI(we are listening) the song of love, you must know that love is DAIRY MILK (Real taste of life) , SATYAM ONLINE (Fun, Fast, Easy ) and PARX (Always Comfortable). So never forget me. Ok bye! I wrote little but PEPSI (Yeh dil mange more). LG (Digitally Yours) !!!!! bye bye ====================== India “Truth alone triumphs†====================== Present * 5,000 year old ancient civilization * 325 languages spoken – 1,652 dialects * 18 official languages * 29 states, 5 union territories * 3.28 million sq. kilometers - Area * 7,516 kilometers - Coastline * 1.3 Billion population. * 5600 dailies, 15000 weeklies and 20000 periodicals in 21 languages with a combined circulation of 142 million. * GDP $576 Billion. (GDP rate 8%) * Parliamentary form of Government * Worlds largest democracy. * Worlds 4th largest economy. * World-class recognition in IT, bio-technology and space. * Largest English speaking nation in the world. * 3rd largest standing army force, over 1.5Million strong. * 2nd largest pool of scientists and engineers in the World. India has the largest movie industry in the world, producing over 800 movies a year. * Bharat Forge has the world's largest single-location forging facility, its clients include Honda, Toyota and Volvo amongst others. * Hero Honda with 1.7M motorcycles a year is now the largest motorcycle manufacturer in the world. * India is the 2nd largest tractor manufacturer in the world. * India is the 5th largest commercial vehicle manufacturer in the world. * Ford has just presented its Gold World Excellence Award to India's Cooper Tyres. * Suzuki, which makes Maruti in India has decided to make India its manufacturing, export and research hub outside Japan. * Hyundai India is set to become the global small car hub for the Korean giant and will produce 25k Santros to start with. * By 2010 it is set to supply half a million cars to Hyundai Korea. HMI and Ford. * The prestigious UK automaker, MG Rover is marketing 100,000 Indica cars made by Tata in Europe, under its own name. * Aston Martin contracted prototyping its latest luxury sports car, AM V8 Vantage, to an Indian-based designer and is set to produce the cheapest Aston Martin ever. India: Technology Superpower * Geneva-based STMicroelectronics is one of the largest semiconductor companies to develop integrated circuits and software in India. * Texas Instruments was the first to open operations in Bangalore, followed by Motorola, Intel, Cadence Design Systems and several others. * 80 of the World’s 117 SEI CMM Level-5 companies are based in India. * 5 Indian companies recently received the globally acclaimed Deming prize. This prize is given to an organization for rigorous total quality management (TQM) practices. * 15 of the world's major Automobile makers are obtaining components from Indian companies. * This business fetched India $1.5 Billion in 2003, and will reach $15 Billion by 2007. * New emerging industries areas include, Bio-Informatics, Bio-Technology, Genomics, Clinical Research and Trials. * World-renowned TQM expert Yasutoshi Washio predicts that Indian manufacturing quality will overtake that of Japan in 2013. * McKinsey believes India's revenues from the IT industry will reach $87 Billion by 2008. * Flextronics, the $14 billion global major in Electronic Manufacturing Services, has announced that it will make India a global competence centre for telecom software development. India: Trade * Tata Motors paid $ 118 million to buy Daewoo commercial vehicle Company of Korea. * Ranbaxy, the largest Indian pharmaceutical company, gets 70% of its $1 billion revenue from overseas operations and 40% from USA. * Tata Tea has bought Tetley of UK for £260M. * India is one of the world's largest diamond cutting and polishing centres, its exports were worth $6 Billion in 1999. * About 9 out of 10 diamond stones sold anywhere in the world, pass through India. * Garment exports are expected to increase from the current level of $6 billion to $25 billion by 2010. * The country's foreign exchange reserves stand at an all-time high of $120 Billion. * India's trade with China grew by by 104% in 2002 and in the first 5 months of 2003, India has amassed a surplus in trade close to $0.5M. * Mobile phones are growing by about 1.5Million a month. Long distance rates are down by two-thirds in five years and by 80% for data transmission. * Wal-Mart sources $1 Billion worth of goods from India - half its apparel. Wal-Mart expects this to increase to $10 Billion in the next couple of years. * GAP sources about $600 million and Hilfiger $100 million worth of apparel from India. India: Self-Reliance * India is among six countries that launch satellites and do so even for Germany, Belgium, South Korea, Singapore and EU countries. * India's INSAT is among the world's largest domestic satellite communication systems. * India’s Geosynchronous Satellite Launch Vehicle (GSLV) was indigenously manufactured with most of the components like motor cases, inter-stages, heat shield, cryogenic engine, electronic modules all manufactured by public and private Indian industry. * Kalpana Chawla was one of the seven astronauts in the Columbia space shuttle when it disintegrated over Texas skies just 16 minutes before its scheduled landing on Feb 1st 2003, she was the second Indian in space. * Back in 1968, India imported 9M tonnes of food-grains to support its people, through a grand programme of national self-sufficiency which started in 1971, today, it now has a food grain surplus stock of 60M. * India is among the 3 countries in the World that have built Supercomputers on their own. The other two countries being USA and Japan. * India built its own Supercomputer after the USA denied India purchasing a Cray computer back in 1987. * India’s new ‘PARAM Padma’ Terascale Supercomputer (1 Trillion processes per sec.) is also amongst only 4 nations in the world to have this capability. * India is providing aid to 11 countries, writing-off their debt and loaning the IMF $300M. * It has also prepaid $3Billion owed to the World Bank and Asian Development Bank. India: Pharmaceuticals * The Indian pharmaceutical industry at $6.5 billion and growing at 8-10% annually, is the 4th largest pharmaceutical industry in the world, and is expected to be worth $12 billion by 2008. * Its exports are over $2 billion. India is among the top five bulk drug makers and at home, the local industry has edged out the Multi-National companies whose share of 75% in the market is down to 35%. * Trade of medicinal plants has crossed $900M already. * There are 170 biotechnology companies in India, involved in the development and manufacture of genomic drugs, whose business is growing exponentially. * Sequencing genes and delivering genomic information for big Pharmaceutical companies is the next boom industry in India. India: Foreign Multi-National Companies Top 5 American employers in India: General Electric: : 17,800 employees Hewlett-Packard : 11,000 employees IBM : 6,000 employees American Express : 4,000 employees Dell : 3,800 employees * General Electric (GE) with $80 Million invested in India employs 16,000 staff, 1,600 R&D staff who are qualified with PhD’s and Master’s degrees. * The number of patents filed in USA by the Indian entities of some of the MNCs (upto September, 2002) are as follows: Texas Instruments - 225, Intel - 125, Cisco Systems - 120, IBM - 120, Phillips - 102, GE - 95. * Staff at the offices of Intel (India) has gone up from 10 to 1,000 in 4 years, and will reach 2000 staff by 2006. * GE's R&D centre in Bangalore is the company's largest research outfit outside the United States. The centre also devotes 20% of its resources on 5 to 10 year fundamental research in areas such as nanotechnology, hydrogen energy, photonics, and advanced propulsion. * It is estimated that there are 150,000 IT professionals in Bangalore as against 120,000 in Silicon Valley. India: R&D Labs Established in 2002 with just two people, has scaled up to 20 specialists today. Plans exist to double its headcount by the beginning of 2004. Is totally dedicated to high-level research on futuristic technologies, with special focus on emerging markets. Bangalore. Established in 1996 with 10 people, has scaled up to 895 people today, and will be further scaled up to 1,000 before the end of 2003. Works on developing software for Philips products. Almost all Philips products that use software have som e contribution from this centre. It is the largest software centre for Philips outside Holland. Innovation Campus, Bangalore. Established in November 1998 with 100 people, the Lab swill be scaled up to 1500 by the end of 2004. That will double 3000 staff by middle of 2006. It is the largest single-location R&D lab for SAP outside Walldorf, Germany. Nearly 10 percent of SAP's total R&D work is carried out from the Indian lab. Labs India, Bangalore. Established in 2001. Works on all IBM software like WebSphere, DB2, Lotus, Tivoli and Rational. The centre has added many new areas of activities such as middleware and business intelligence. Software Lab, Bangalore, Pune. Established in 1988 with 20 people, has scaled up to 1,000 today. Drives nearly 60 percent of the company’s global development delivery. R&D Centre, Bangalore and Mumbai. Established in mid-1999 with 20 people, has scaled up to 500 people today. Does work mainly on Sun's software which includes Solaris and Sun One. India Engineering Centre, Bangalore The Bangalore centre was established in 1994; the Hyderabad one in 1999. Oracle’s largest development centre outside the US currently has 6,000 staff. Does work on Oracle's database products, applications, business intelligence products and application development tools, besides other activities. India Development Centre, Bangalore, Hyderabad. Established in 1984. The centre started with just 20 people, now has 900 people working on VLSI and embedded software, which goes along with a chip or into the chip. R&D Centre, Bangalore Highlights R&D Centre India: BPO * The domestic BPO sector is projected to increase to $4 billion in 2004 and reach $65 billion by 2010. (McKinsey & Co.). * The outsourcing includes a wide range of services including design, architecture, management, legal services, accounting and drug development and the Indian BPOs are moving up in the value chain. * There are about 200 call centers in India with a turnover of $2 billion and a workforce of 150,000. * 100 of the Fortune 500 are now present in India compared to 33 in China. * Cummins of USA uses its R&D Centre in Pune to develop the sophisticated computer models needed to design upgrades and prototypes electronically and introduce 5 or 6 new engine models a year. * Business Week of 8th December 2003 has said "Quietly but with breathtaking speed, India and its millions of world-class engineering, business and medical graduates are becoming enmeshed in America's New Economy in ways most of us barely imagine". William H. Gates, Chairman and Chief Software Architect Microsoft Corporation (b-1955): “…after the Chinese, South Indians are the smartest people in the world.†India: Technology Superpower * Over 100 MNCs have set up R&D facilities in India in the past five years. These include GE, Bell Labs, Du Pont, Daimler Chrysler, Eli Lilly, Intel, Monsanto, Texas Instruments, Caterpillar, Cummins, GM, Microsoft and IBM. * India’s telecom infrastructure between Chennai, Mumbai and Singapore, provides the largest bandwidth capacity in the world, with well over 8.5 Terabits (8.5Tbs) per second. * With more than 250 universities, 1,500 research institutions and 10,428 higher-education institutes, India produces 200,000 engineering graduates and another 300,000 technically trained graduates every year. * Besides, another 2 million other graduates qualify out in India annually. * The Indian Institute of Technology (IIT) is among the top three universities from which McKinsey & Company, the world's biggest consulting firm, hires most. Indians abroad A snapshot of Indians at the helm of leading Global businesses The Co-founder of Sun Microsystems (Vinod Khosla), Creator of Pentium Chip (Vinod Dahm), Founder and creator of Hotmail (Sabeer Bhatia), Chief Executive of McKinsey & Co. (Rajat Gupta) President and CFO of Pepsi Cola (Indra Nooyi) President of United Airlines (Rono Dutta) GM of Hewlett Packard (Rajiv Gupta) President and CEO of US Airways (Rakesh Gangwal) Chief Executive of CitiBank (Victor Menezes), Chief Executives of Standard Chartered Bank (Rana Talwar) Chief Executive officer of Vodafone (Arun Sarin) President of AT & T-Bell Labs (Arun Netravali) Vice-Chairman and founder of Juniper Networks (Pradeep Sindhu) Founder of Bose Audio (Amar Bose) Founder, chip designer Cirrus Logic (Suhas Patil ) Chairman and CEO of Computer Associates (Sanjay Kumar) Head of (HPC WorldWide) of Unilever Plc. (Keki Dadiseth) Chief Executive Officer of HSBC (Aman Mehta) Director and member of Executive Board of Goldman Sachs (Girish Reddy) Chief Economist of the International Monetary Fund (Raghuram Rajan) Former CTO of Novell Networks (Kanwal Rekhi) Indians in the USA. * Of the 1.5M Indians living in the USA, 1/5th of them live in the Silicon Valley. * 35% of Silicon Valley start-ups are by Indians. * Indian students are the largest in number among foreign students in USA. Statistics that show: 38% of doctors in the USA, 12% of scientists in the USA, 36% of NASA scientists, 34% of Microsoft employees, 28% of IBM employees, 17% of INTEL scientists, 13% of XEROX employees, … are Indians. 1. India 44% 2. China 9% 3. Britain 5% 4. Philippines 3% 5. Canada 3% 6. Taiwan 2% 7. Japan 2% 8. Germany 2% 9. Pakistan 2% 10. France 2% US H1-B Visa applicants country of origin “IIT = Harvard + MIT + Princeton†“IIT = Harvard + MIT + Princeton†, says CBS ‘60 Minutes’. CBS' highly-regarded ‘60 Minutes’, the most widely watched news programme in the US, told its audience of more than 10 Million viewers that “IIT may be the most important university you've never heard of." "The United States imports oil from Saudi Arabia, cars from Japan, TVs from Korea and Whiskey from Scotland. So what do we import from India? We import people, really smart people," co-host Leslie Stahl began while introducing the segment on IIT. “…the smartest, the most successful, most influential Indians who've migrated to the US seem to share a common credential: They are graduates of the IIT.†“…in science and technology, IIT undergraduates leave their American counterparts in the dust.“ “Think about that for a minute: A kid from India using an Ivy League university as a safety school. That's how smart these guys are.†There are “cases where students who couldn't get into computer science at IIT, they have gotten scholarships at MIT, at Princeton, at Caltech.†Sounds of India Fashion and Miss World Year Position Miss India 2002 Semi-finalist Shruti Sharma 2001 Non Semi-finalist Sara Corner 2000 Winner Priyanka Chopra 1999 Winner Yukta Mookhey 1998 Non Semi-finalist Annie Thomas 1997 Winner Daina Hayden 1996 3rd runners up Rani Joan Jeyraj 1995 Non Semi-finalist Preeti Mankotia 1994 Winner Aishwariya Rai 1993 Non Semi-finalist Karminder Kaur 1992 Non Semi-finalist Celine Shyla 1991 Semi-finalist Ritu Singh 1990 Non Semi-finalist Naveeda Mehdi 1966 Winner Reita Faria Science of Yoga “…The science of yoga was born in an age when mankind as a whole was more enlightened, and could easily grasp truths for which our most advanced thinkers are still grasping.†The science of yoga meditation had been taught by the ancient, sages, gurus, yogis, through oral tradition for thousands of years, they were finally put to Sanskrit by Patanjali in 500 b.c. “…It is because the groping for these truths has begun again that great yogis have reintroduced this ancient science to humanity at large.†Pre-eminent among them, even today, are the sages of the Himalayas. Today, the word yoga is much used and much misunderstood these days, reduced from its knowledge on the control of the conscious to that of the control of the body. Indians of note Rabindranath Tagore, Poet and writer of India’s national anthem and Nobel Prize for Literature in 1913, (1861Â1941): "Oneness amongst men, the advancement of unity in diversity – this has been the core religion of India.“ Swami Vivekananda, (1863-1902): “I am proud to belong to a religion which has taught the world both tolerance and universal acceptance. We believe not only in universal toleration, but we accept all religions as true. I am proud to belong to a nation which has sheltered the persecuted and the refugees of all religions and all nations of the earth. I am proud to tell you that we have gathered in our bosom the purest remnant of the Israelites, who came to Southern India and took refuge with us in the very year in which their holy temple was shattered to pieces by Roman tyranny. I am proud to belong to the religion which has sheltered and is still fostering the remnant of the grand Zoroastrian nation. I will quote to you, brethren, a few lines from a hymn which I remember to have repeated from my earliest boyhood, which is every day repeated by millions of human beings: ‘As the different streams having their sources in different paths which men take through different tendencies, various though they appear, crooked or straight, all lead to Thee.’ †Sri Aurobindo, (1872-1950): “…Like the majority of educated Indians, I have passively accepted without examination, the conclusion of European scholarship.†“…That we turn always the few distinct truths and the symbols or the particular discipline of a religion into a hard and fast dogmas, is a sign that as yet we are only infants in the spiritual knowledge and are yet far from the science of the Infinite.†"...The mind is not the highest possible power of consciousness; for mind is not in possession of Truth, but only its ignorant seeker.†Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948): Gandhi was once asked what he thought about Western Civilization. His response was: "I think it would be a good idea.†"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.“ “You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.†“The only devils in this world are those running around inside our own hearts, and that is where all our battles should be fought.†“If all Christians acted like Christ, the whole world would be Christian.†“Woman, I hold, is the personification of self-sacrifice, but unfortunately today she does not realize what tremendous advantage she has over man.†“Indians, will stagger humanity without shedding a drop of blood. †“An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.†Guru Tegh Bahadur (1621-1675): The Kashmiri Brahmins, who were being persecuted by the Mughal emperor Aurangzeb, seeked the council of Guru Tegh Bahadur. The 9th guru of the Sikhs upon hearing of the Brahmins predicament, responded: “Unless a holy man lays down his head for the sake of the poor Brahmins, there is no hope for their escape from imperial tyranny .â€, his young son reminded him “Revered father, who would be better equipped for this than yourself?†During Guru Tegh Bahadur’s subsequent imprisonment by Aurangzeb, he spoke out: “Hinduism may not be my faith, …but I would fight for the right of all Hindus to live with honour and practice their faith according to their own rites…. “ “All men are created by God and therefore must be free to worship in any manner they like. I neither convert others by force, nor submit to force, to change my faith.†The enraged Aurangzeb, upon realising Guru Tegh Bahadur would not convert to Islam, ordered his public beheading by the sword. His body was left in the dust as no one dared to pick up the body for fear of the emperors reprisal. Sir C.V. Raman, (1888 – 1970) 1930 - Nobel Laureate in Physics for work on scattering of light and Raman effect. Sir Jagdish Chandra Bose, (1858 – 1937) USA based IEEE has proved what has been a century old suspicion amongst academics that the pioneer of wireless-radio communication was Professor Jagdish Chandra Bose and not Guglielmo Marconi. Satyendranath Bose, (1894-1974) Indian Physicist, who solved one of the mysteries of quantum mechanics, showing that in the quantum world some particles are indistinguishable. His collaborations with Albert Einstein led to a new branch on statistical mechanics know commonly known as the “Einstein-Bose†statistics. Srinivasa Ramanujam,(1887 – 1920): Great Indian Mathematician, whose interest from academics at Trinity, College, Cambridge, led him to collaborate there and postulate and prove well over 3,542 theorems. Amartya Sen, (b-1933): 1998 - The Nobel Prize for Economics for his redefining work on ethical welfare economics. Currently residing as Lamont University Professor Emeritus at Harvard, after stepping down from the prestigious post of Master of Trinity College, Cambridge. Subramanyan Chandrasekhar, (1910-1995): 1983 Nobel Laureate in Physics. His many contributions to physics, on the structure and evolution of stars including rotational figures of equilibrium, stellar interiors, black holes, radiative transfer, hydromagnetic stability, stellar dynamics. Har Gobind Khorana, (b-1922 ): 1968 - Nobel Laureate in Medicine for work on interpretation of the genetic code . Currently residing as professor at MIT. Civilized Past India India never invaded any country in her last 10,000 years of history. It is the only society in the world which has never known slavery. India was the richest country on Earth until the time of the British in the early 17th Century Robert Clive’s personal wealth amassed from the blunder of Bengal during 1750’s was estimated at around £401,102 It has been estimated that the total amount of treasure that the British looted from India had already reached £1,000,000,000 (£1Billion) by 1901. Taking into consideration interest rates and inflation this would be worth close to $1,000,000,000,000 ($1Trillion) in real-terms today. Vedic Civilization Indus & Saraswati Civilizations Rise of Jainism and Buddhism Mauryan Period Golden Age of Indian Arts & Sciences Muslim Invasions The Mughal Empire Portuguese Invasion The British East-India Company The British Empire India's Freedom Struggle Independence Modern India 2020 Vision A Brief History of Time India * India invented the Number System. Zero was invented by Aryabhatta. The place value system, the decimal system was developed in India in 100 BC. * Aryabhatta was the first to explain spherical shape, size ,diameter, rotation and correct speed of Earth in 499 AD. * The World's first university was established in Takshila in 700 BC. Students from all over the World studied more than 60 subjects. * The University of Nalanda built in the 4th century was one of the greatest achievements of ancient India in the field of education. * Sanskrit is considered the mother of all higher languages. Sanskrit is the most precise, and therefore suitable language for computer software - a report in Forbes magazine, July 1987. * Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known to humans. Charaka, the father of medicine consolidated Ayurveda 2500 years ago. * Today Ayurveda is fast regaining its rightful place in civilization. * Christopher Columbus was attracted India's wealth and was looking for route to India when he discovered the American continent by mistake. * The art of Navigation was born in the river Sindh 6000 years ago. The word ‘Navigation’ is derived from the Sanskrit word NAVGATIH. The word navy is also derived from Sanskrit 'Nou'. * In Siddhanta Siromani (Bhuvanakosam 6) Bhaskaracharya II described about gravity of earth about 400 years before Sir Isaac Newton. He also had some clear notions on differential calculus, and the Theory of Continued Fraction. Languages of India Hindi Sanskrit Tamil Gujarati Urdu Punjabi Malayalam Bengali Marathi Konkani Kannada Assamese Telegu Oriya Rajasthani Vedic Philosophy The Vedas are the oldest written text on our planet today. They date back to the beginning of Indian civilization and are the earliest literary records of the human mind. They have been passed through oral tradition for over 10,000 years, and first appeared in written form between 2500 - 5,000 years ago. Veda means “Knowledge†in Sanskrit. The Ancient Vedic Hymns Rig Veda - Knowledge of Hymns, 10,859 verses “There is only one truth, only men describe it in different ways. “ Yajur Veda - Knowledge of Liturgy, 3,988 verses Sama Veda - Knowledge of Classical Music, 1,549 verses Ayur Veda - Knowledge of Medicine, over 100,000 verses Upanishads Jyotisha – Astrology and Astronomy. Kalpa – Rituals and Legal matters. Siksha – Phonetics. Aitareya – Creation of the Universe, Man and Evolution. Chandogya – Reincarnation, Soul. Kaushitaki – Karma. Kena – Austerity, Work, and Restraint. Dharnur Veda – Science of Archery and War. Mundaka – Discipline, Faith and warning of Ignorance. Sulba Sutra – Knowledge of Mathematics Yoga Sutra - Knowledge of Meditation Kama Sutra - Knowledge of Love and Sex Sanskrit (संसà¥à¤•à¥ƒà¤¤ ) Sanskrit was the classical language of India, older than Hebrew and Latin. It is the oldest, most scientific, systematic language in the world. It became the language of all cultured people in India and in the countries that were influenced by India. Sanskrit literally means “refined†or “perfected†'measuring the earth’ 'measuring triangular forms‘ ‘first person pronoun’ ‘the same’ mother papa / father brother sister geometry trigonometry door me name smile equal matar pitar bhratar svasar gyaamti trikonamiti dvaar ma naman smi eka Sanskrit meaning English meaning Sanskrit word India * Theory of Continued Fraction was discovered by Bhaskaracharya II. * Indians discovered Arithmetic and Geometric progression. Arithmetic progression is explained in Yajurveda. * Govindaswamin discovered Newton Gauss Interpolation formula about 1800 years before Newton. * Vateswaracharya discovered Newton Gauss Backward Interpolation formula about 1000 years before Newton. * Parameswaracharya discovered Lhuiler’s formula about 400 years before Lhuiler. * Nilakanta discovered Newton’s Infinite Geometric Progression convergent series. * Positive and Negative numbers and their calculations were explained first by Brahmagupta in his book Brahmasputa Siddhanta. * Aryabhatta also propounded the Heliocentric theory of gravitation, thus predating Copernicus by almost one thousand years. * Madhavacharya discovered Taylor series of Sine and Cosine function about 250 years before Taylor. * Madhavacharya discovered Newton Power series. * Madhavacharya discovered Gregory Leibnitz series for the Inverse Tangent about 280 years before Gregory. * Madhavacharya discovered Leibnitz power series for pi about 300 years before Leibnitz. * Bhaskaracharya calculated the time taken by the earth to orbit the sun hundreds of years before the astronomer Smart. Time taken by earth to orbit the sun: (5th century) 365.258756484 days * Infinity was well known for ancient Indians. Bhaskaracharya II in Beejaganitha(stanza-20) has given clear explanation with examples for infinity Similarities to Greek mythology Hercules (Herakles) fighting the Lernaean Hydra Krishna (Harekrsna) fighting the Kaliya Serpent Similarities to Greek mythology Dionysus (Dionysos) holding a Trident Shiva, holding the Trident, resting on a leopard skin with a Cobra perched beside him, his abode is Mount Kailas, Himalayas Dionysus (Dionysos) encircled with a snake, with leopard by his side, with the moon in the background, his abode is Mount Olympus Similarities to Biblical mythology The ancient Vedic Aryan Hindus (Indus Saraswati) spoke about a series of Ten Pitris who ruled before the global Flood. Ancient Babylonian legend speaks of a pre-Flood series of ten kings. The ancient Egyptians described Ten Shining Ones who ruled consecutively before the Deluge. The last of these kings in the aforementioned lists was the hero who led seven others aboard a vessel in which they survived the global Flood. In ancient India, the hero was Manu who survived the global- Flood "pralaya" with the Seven Rishis. In ancient Babylon, the hero's name was Zisudra who spear-headed the survival on the Ark of seven other humans, the Seven Apkallu. In ancient Egypt, the Flood hero was Toth who survived the Deluge along with the Seven Sages. Did the Vedic Aryans travel as far as Easter Island? The Easter Islands located in the Pacific Ocean, were situated far away from any civilization. The craftsmanship of these islands corresponds to the one of the ancient Incas. The sign script of the Easter Islands almost equals the ancient scripts of Indus Valley. Easter Island symbols Indus Saraswati symbols Were the Ancient Vedic civilisation of Indus Saraswati valley Trans-Oceanic seafarers? The Surya Siddhanta, A textbook on astronomy of ancient India, last compiled in 1000 BC, believed to be handed down from 3000 BC by aid of complex mnemonic recital methods still known today. Showed the Earth's diameter to be 7,840 miles, compared to modern measurements of 7,926.7 miles. Showed the distance between the Earth and the Moon as 253,000 miles, Compared to modern measurements of 252,710 miles. India * The value of "pi" was first calculated by Boudhayana, and he explained the concept of what is known as the Pythagorean Theorem. He discovered this in the 6th century long before the European mathematicians. This was ‘validated’ by British scholars in 1999. * Algebra, trigonometry and calculus came from India. Quadratic equations were propounded by Sridharacharya in the 11th century. * The largest numbers the Greeks and the Romans used were 106 whereas Hindus used numbers as big as 1053 with specific names as early as 5000 BC during the Vedic period. Even today, the largest used number is Tera: 1012. * Maharshi Sushruta is the father of surgery. 2600 years ago he and health scientists of his time conducted complicated surgeries like caesareans, cataract, artificial limbs, fractures, urinary stones and even plastic surgery. * Usage of anaesthesia was well known in ancient India. Over 125 surgical equipments were used. * Detailed knowledge of anatomy, physiology, aetiology, embryology, digestion, metabolism, genetics and immunity is also found in many texts. * When many cultures were only nomadic forest dwellers over 5000 years ago, Indians established Harappan culture in the Sindhu Valley Civilization. India Brahmagupta, 630 A.D., said, the following about Gravity, “Bodies fall towards the earth as it is in the nature of the earth to attract bodies, just as it is in the nature of water to flow". * The world famous and priceless “Kohinoor†diamond, which is set in the Crown of the British monarch (Queen Victoria, and Elizabeth II), was acquired from India. * According to the Gemological Institute of America, up until 1896, India was the only source for diamonds to the world. * Chess (Shataranja or AshtaPada) was reportedly invented in India. * The game of snakes & ladders was created by the 13th century poet saint Gyandev. It was originally called 'Mokshapat.' The ladders in the game represented virtues and the snakes indicated vices. India * RigVedas (1.50), a hymn addressed to the Sun, refers quite clearly that the Sun traverses 2,202 yojanas in half a nimesha. This is in fact refers to the speed of light. * The World's First Granite Temple is the Brihadeswara temple at Tanjavur in Tamil Nadu. The shikhara is made from a single '80-tonne' piece of granite. Kalarippayat - Origin of Martial arts – 200 BC Kerala, South India, guardians of the origins of modern martial-arts, influenced by Yoga and connected to the ancient Indian sciences of war (dhanur-veda) and medicine (ayur-veda). The origin of kung-fu begins with the legend of a monk named Bodhidharma (also known as Ta Mo) who travelled from India to China around 500 A.D. Manipuri Bharata Natyam Odissi Mohini Attam Kuchipudi Kathakali Kathak 7 Classical Dance forms India's ancient achievements in Medical Science 20th Century Yogsootra Cunavidhi Definition of Sleep Prashna-Upanishad Bose, 19th Century Mahabharat Life in trees and plants 19th – 20th Century Upanishad 16 Functions of the Brain Eitereya Haneman, 18th Century S-Bhagwat (1-5-33) A material producing a disease can prevent or cure the disease in minute quantity 20th Century Mahabharat Developing Embyro in Vitro (Mahabharat)(5500 BCE) Mahabharat Eitereya Upanishad (6000 BCE) Shrimad Bhagwat Shrimad Bhagwat Mahabharat Mahabharat Heart Eitereya Upanishad -(6000 BCE) RigVed Shrimad Bhagwat Mahabharat (5500 BCE) RigVed (1-116-15) Ancient Reference 20th Century Cell Division (in 3 layers) 19th Century Embryology 18th Century Micro-organisms Not yet Elongation of Life in confirmed Space Travel Not possible yet Not possible yet Test Tube Babies ( from the ovum only) Test Tube Babies ( from the sperm only) 1860 – 1910 A.D. Chromosomes 20th Century Parthenogenesis Robinson, 1972 Beginning of the Foetal Labyrinth Analysis of Ears 20th Century Combination of Male and Female 1890 A.D. Number of Chromosomes (23) 20th Century Artificial Limb Modern Reference Knowledge India's ancient achievements in Physical Science 1800 A.D. Shrimad Bhagwat (4000 B.C.) Atom (Divisible) & (Indivisible) ---- RigVed,Ramayana,Samarangan Sutradhara (1050 A.D.) Aeroplanes ---- Samarangan Sutradhara (1050 A.D.) Robot ---- Valmiki Ramayan (7300 B.C) Entry in South America by Aeroplanes 1960 A.D. Valmiki Ramayan (7300 B.C) Phosphorescent Trident at the Bay of Pisco, Peru, S.America RigVed (23720 B.C) Eitereya Upanishad (6000 BCE) Vishvaruchi(Mundakopanishad) Spullingini (Mundakopanishad) Manojava (Mundakopanishad) Sudarshan, Sulohita (M.U) Sudhumravarna - (Mundakopanishad - M.U) (6000 B.C) Shankaracharya (500 B.C) Shrimad Bhagwat (4000 BC) Mahabharat (5500 BC) RigVed - Sayan Bhashya (1400 A.D) Ancient Reference 20th Century Black Holes 19th Century Embryology ---- Monsoon at Summer Solstice 20th Century Nuclear Energy 1968 Tachyons faster than light ---- Infra-Red Band ---- Ultraviolet Band 17th Century Gravitational Force (Prashnopanishad) Under trials Space Travel to another solar system 17-19th Century Trans-Saturnean Planets 19th Century Velocity of Light Modern Reference Knowledge Quotes J. Robert Oppenheimer, American nuclear physicist (1904-1967): "If the radiance of a thousand suns were to burst into the sky, that would be like the splendor of the Mighty One. . . . Now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.“ Oppenheimer "the father of the atomic bomb" quoting from the Hindu scripture Bhagavad-Gita upon witnessing the mushroom cloud resulting from the detonation of the world’s first atomic bomb in New Mexico, U.S.A., on July 16, 1945. “Access to the Vedas is the greatest privilege this century may claim over all previous centuries. “ Victor Cousin, French Philosopher (1792-1867): "When we read the poetical and philosophical monuments of the East – above all, those of India, which are beginning to spread in Europe – we discover there many a truth, and truths so profound, and which make such a contrast with the meanness of the results at which European genius has sometimes stopped, that we are constrained to bend the knee before the philosophy of the East, and to see in this cradle of the human race the native land of the highest philosophy.“ Hu Shih, former Ambassador of China to USA (1891-1962): "India conquered and dominated China culturally for 20 centuries without ever having to send a single soldier across her border.†Dr. Arnold Joseph Toynbee, British Historian (1889-1975): "It is already becoming clear that a chapter which had a Western beginning will have to have an Indian ending, if it is not to end in the self-destruction of the human race. At this supremely dangerous moment in human history, the only way of salvation for mankind is the Indian way." Albert Einstein (1879 -1955): “When I read the Bhagavad-Gita and reflect about how God created this universe everything else seems so superfluous.†"We owe a lot to the Indians, who taught us how to count, without which no worthwhile scientific discovery could have been made.“ Will Durant, American historian, (1885-1981): "India was the motherland of our race, and Sanskrit the mother of Europe's languages; she was the mother of our philosophy; mother, through the Arabs, of much of our mathematics; mother, through the Buddha, of the ideals embodied in Christianity; mother, through the village community, of self-government and democracy. Mother India is in many ways the mother of us all". “Perhaps in return for conquest, arrogance and spoilation, India will teach us the tolerance and gentleness of the mature mind, the quiet content of the unacquisitive soul, the calm of the understanding spirit, and a unifying, a pacifying love for all living things.†Sir William Jones, Jurist, (1746-1794): “…The Sanskrit language is of wonderful structure, more perfect than the Greek, more copious than the Latin and more exquisitely refined than either. “... a stronger affinity than could possibly have been produced by accident; so strong, indeed, that no philologer could examine them all three, without first believing them to have sprung from some common source... †Ralph Waldo Emerson, Philosopher (1803-1882): "I owed a magnificent day to the Bhagavad-Gita. It was the first of books; it was as if an empire spoke to us, nothing small or unworthy, but large, serene, consistent, the voice of an old intelligence which in another age and climate had pondered and thus disposed of the same questions which exercise us.“ “The Indian teaching, through its clouds of legends, has yet a simple and grand religion, like a queenly countenance seen through a rich veil. It teaches to speak truth, love others, and to dispose trifles. The East is grand - and makes Europe appear the land of trifles. ...all is soul and the soul is Vishnu ...cheerful and noble is the genius of this cosmogony†“When India was explored, and the wonderful riches of Indian theological literature found, that dispelled once and for all, the dream about Christianity being the sole revelation. - Nature makes a Brahmin of me presently.†Arthur Schopenhauer, German Philosopher (1788-1860): "In the whole world there is no study so beneficial and so elevating as that of the Upanishads. It has been the solace of my life – it will be the solace of my death." “It is the most rewarding and the most elevating book which can be possible in the world. “ “I believe that the influence of the Sanskrit literature will penetrate not less deeply than did the revival of Greek literature in the fifteenth century.†Henry David Thoreau, American Philosopher (1817-1862): “…In the morning I bathe my intellect in the stupendous and cosmological philosophy of the Bhagavad-Gita in comparison with which our modern world and its literature seem puny and trivial." “…Whenever I have read any part of the Vedas, I have felt that some unearthly and unknown light illuminated me. In the great teaching of the Vedas, there is no touch of the sectarianism. It is of ages, climes, and nationalities and is the royal road for the attainment of the Great Knowledge. When I am at it, I feel that I am under the spangled heavens of a summer night.“ Mark Twain, American Author (1835-1920): “This is India! The land of dreams and romance, of fabulous wealth and fabulous poverty, of splendor and rags, of palaces and hovels, of famine and pestilence, of genii and giants and Aladdin lamps, of tigers and elephants, the cobra and the jungle, the country of a hundred nations and a hundred tongues, of a thousand religions and two million gods, cradle of the human race, birthplace of human speech, mother of history, grandmother of legend, great-grandmother of tradition, whose yesterdays bear date with the mouldering antiquities of the rest of the nations – the one sole country under the sun that is endowed with an imperishable interest for alien persons, for lettered and ignorant, wise and fool, rich and poor, bond and free, the one land that all men desire to see, and having seen once, by even a glimpse, would not give that glimpse for all the shows of all the rest of the globe combined. Even now, after a lapse of a year, the delirium of those days in Bombay has not left me and I hope it never will.†Ken Wilber American Philosopher and Author (b-1949): “Larry [Warchowski] is just about as philosophically /spiritually well read as anyone you're likely to find, and The Matrix films are a stunning tribute to that fact. Larry said that when he found Ken's work, "It was like Schopenhauer discovering the Upanishads." Professor Max Muller, (1823-1900): "India, what can it teach us?, "If I were to look over the whole world to find out the country most richly endowed with all the wealth, power and beauty that nature can bestow, in some parts a very paradise on earth, I should point to India. If I were asked under what sky the human mind has most developed some of it choicest gifts, has most deeply pondered on the greatest problems of life and has found solutions of some of them which will deserve the attention even of those who have studied Plato and Kant, I should point to India. And if I were to ask myself from what literature we, here in Europe, who have been nurtured most exclusively on the thoughts of the Greeks and Romans and of the Semitic race and the Jewish may draw that corrective which is most wanted in order to make our inner life more comprehensive, more universal, in fact a more truly human life, again, I should point to India". The Encyclopaedia Britannica says: "Man must have an original cradle land whence the peopling of the earth was brought about by migration. As to man’s cradle land, there have been many theories but the weight of evidence is in favour of Indo-Malaysia.†"If there is a country on earth which can justly claim the honour of having been the cradle of the Human race or at least the scene of primitive civilization, the successive developments of which carried into all parts of the ancient world and even beyond, the blessings of knowledge which is the second life of man, that country is assuredly India.“ George Harrison, Beatles (1943 - 2001): "For every human there is a quest to find the answer to why I am here, who am I, where did I come from, where am I going. For me that became the most important thing in my life. Everything else is secondary." "Here everybody is vibrating on a material level, which is nowhere. Over there [India], they have this great feeling of something else that's just spiritual going on. “ Lin Yutang, Chinese writer, (1895-1976): “India was China’s teacher in religion and imaginative literature, and world’s teacher in Trigonometry, quadratic equations, grammar, phonetics, Arabian Nights, animal fables, chess as well as in philosophy, and she inspired Boccasccio, Goethe, Schopenhauer and Emerson." Voltaire Author and Philosopher, (1694-1778): "It does not behove us, who were only savages and barbarians when these Indian and Chinese peoples were civilized and learned, to dispute their antiquity." Aldous Huxley, English novelist (1894-1963): “The (Bhagavad) Gita is one of the clearest and most comprehensive summaries of the perennial philosophy ever to have been done. Hence its enduring value, not only for the Indians, but also for all mankind. It is perhaps the most systematic spiritual statement of the perennial philosophy. “ Dalai Lama, (b-1935): “Hindus and Buddhists, we are two sons of the same mother." Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936): “Now it is not good for the Christian's health to hustle the Hindu brown. For the Christian riles and the Hindu smiles and weareth the Christian down ; And the end of the fight is a tombstone while with the name of the late deceased and the epitaph drear , ‘A fool lies here who tried to hustle the east’ ". Apollonius Tyaneus Greek Thinker and Traveller, 1st Century AD "In India I found a race of mortals living upon the Earth, but not adhering to it. Inhabiting cities, but not being fixed to them, possessing everything but possessed by nothing." John Archibald Wheeler Theoretical Physicist, who coined “Black Hole†(b-1911): “I like to think that someone will trace how the deepest thinking of India made its way to Greece and from there to the philosophy of our times.†Guy Sorman, author of “Genius of Indiaâ€: “Temporal notions in Europe were overturned by an India rooted in eternity. The Bible had been the yardstick for measuring time, but the infinitely vast time cycles of India suggested that the world was much older than anything the Bible spoke of. It seem as if the Indian mind was better prepared for the chronological mutations of Darwinian evolution and astrophysics.†Adam Smith, Father of economics, and author of “Wealth of Nationsâ€: (1723-1790) "The difference between the genius of the British constitution which protects and governs North America, and that of the mercantile company [British East India Company] which oppresses and domineers in the East Indies[India], cannot perhaps be better illustrated than by the different state of those countries." H.G. Wells, Sociologist, and Historian and Author of “Time Machine†and “War of the Worlds†(1866-1946): "The history of India for many centuries had been happier, less fierce, and more dreamlike than any other history. In these favourable conditions, they built a character - meditative and peaceful and a nation of philosophers such as could nowhere have existed except in India." Friedrich Mejer: “It will no longer remain to be doubted that the priests of Egypt and the sages of Greece have drawn directly from the original well of India, that it is to the banks of the Ganges and the Indus that our hearts feel drawn as [if] by some hidden urge.†Jean-Sylvain Bailly, French Astronomer, (1736-1793): “The motion of the stars calculated by the Hindus before some 4500 years vary not even a single minute from the tables of Cassine and Meyer (used in the 19-th century). …The Hindu systems of astronomy are by far the oldest and that from which the Egyptians, Greek, Romans and - even the Jews derived from the Hindus their knowledge.†George Bernard Shaw, Irish dramatist, literary critic, socialist spokesman (1856-1950): “The Indian way of life provides the vision of the natural, real way of life. We veil ourselves with unnatural masks. On the face of India are the tender expressions which carry the mark of the Creator's hand.†Dr David Frawley, American Teacher, Doctor, Author, Speaker, Historian “India possesses a great indigenous civilization dating back to 7000 BC, such as recent archaeological discoveries at Mehrgarh clearly reveal. It had the most extensive urban culture in the world in the third millennium BCE with the many cities of the Indus and Sarasvati rivers. When the Sarasvati river of Vedic fame dried up in the second millennium BCE, the culture shifted east to the more certain rivers of the Gangetic plain, which became the dominant region of the subcontinent. Gone is the old idea of the Aryan invasion and an outside basis for Indian culture. In its place is the continuity of a civilization and its literature going back to the earliest period of history. Unfortunately, over the first fifty years since Independence, India has not discovered its real roots. Its intellectuals have mimicked Western trends in thought. They have forgotten their own profound modern sages like Swami Vivekananda and Sri Aurobindo who projected modern and futuristic views of the Indian tradition. While Westerners come to India seeking spiritual knowledge, Indian intellectuals look to the West with an adulation that is often blind, if not obsequious.†Francois Gautier, French Journalist and Writer (b-1950-): “Cry! O my beloved India!“ “The BJP government has fallen. You are exulting, O Christians! You seem to forget how much this country gave you: the first Christian community in the world, that of the Syrian Christians, was established in Kerala in the 1st century.†The BJP government has fallen. You are rejoicing, O Muslims! You seem to forget that Arab merchants came to Hindu India long before the first Muslim invasions of the 7th century. They were also welcomed and allowed to practise their religion in peace and to trade as they liked. The BJP government has fallen. You are rejoicing, O Marxists! But do you understand that Marxism is dead all over the world; and that even in China it is Marxism in name only, as its government actually implements capitalist policies? The BJP government has fallen. Your are rejoicing, O members of the Indian intelligentsia! You think that reading the latest New York Times bestseller, speaking polished English, and putting down your own countrymen, specially anybody who has a Hindu connection, makes you an intellectual. But in the process you have not only lost your roots, you have turned your back on a culture and civilisation that is thousands of years old and has given so much to the world. Cry O my beloved India, look what thy children have done to thee! Sights of India Mount Kailas, Himalayas “abode of snow†– in Sanskrit The Beauty of Kashmir Varanasi, Ganges River Western Thar Desert, Rajasthan “Gods Own Countryâ€, Kerala The Gods of India 1 Billion people, 1 Billion Gods Rama Ganesha Saraswati Lakshmi Nanak Buddha Christ Devi Krsna Murugan SARASWATI Destroyer Shiva Preserver Vishnu Creator Brahman The Trinity The Ancient Indian Epics Ramayana Mahabharata Longest Epic in world literature with 100,000 two-line stanzas, first composed about 5000 years ago. The first Indian epic consisting of 24,000 verses divided into 7 books, composed about 6500 years ago. “After many births the wise seek refuge in me, seeing me everywhere and in everything. Such great souls are very rare.†"Your very nature will drive you to fight, the only choice is what to fight against.†“On action alone be your interest, Never on its fruits. Let not the fruits of action be your motive, Nor be thy attachment to inaction. “ “This is how actions were done by the ancient seekers of freedom; follow their example: act, surrendering the fruits of action.†“For certain is death for the born, and certain is birth for the dead; Therefore over the inevitable you should not grieve. “ “For the uncontrolled there is no wisdom. For the uncontrolled there is no concentration, and for him without concentration, there is no peace. And for the unpeaceful how can there ever be happiness? “ “When a man dwells on the objects of sense, he creates an attraction for them; attraction develops into desire, and desire breeds anger.“ The words of Lord Krsna crystallized in the Bhagavad Gita. Lord Krsna counsels Prince Arjuna during the Great Mahabharata War, in Kurukshetra, India, circa 3100 B.C., The 4 kinetic ideas behind Hindu Vedic Spirituality Karma Maya Nirvana Yoga The law of universal causality, which connects man with the cosmos and condemns him to transmigrate. The world is not simply what it seems to the human senses. Absolute reality, situated somewhere beyond the cosmic illusion woven by Maya and beyond human experience as conditioned by Karma. The state of absolute blessedness, characterized by release from the cycle of reincarnations; freedom from the pain and care of the external world; bliss. Implies integration; bringing all the faculties of the psyche under the control of the self is the Sanskrit word for; Amen (Christian) Amin (Muslim) Aum (Hindu) HÅ«m (Bhuddist) “AUM†or “OM†The first sound of the Almighty – Infinite Reality - Oneness with the supreme Future India has started construction of the World’s largest Buddha statue, it is being designed to last for the next 1,000 years. The statue will be situated at Kushinagar, Uttar Pradesh, where the Buddha passed away. The statue, destined to bring world peace, will be seated on a throne 17-storeys high, housing a huge temple with the feet resting on a Lotus, touching the Earth. India: World's Largest Maitreya Buddha Statue "In India today, we have a lady born a Catholic (Sonia Gandhi) stepping aside so a Sikh (Manmohan Singh) could be sworn in by a Muslim president (Abdul Kalam) to lead a nation that's 82% Hindu. I defy anyone to cite another country with such diversity and tolerance to its political leadership." Secular Tolerance Goldman Sachs Report of 1 October, 2003 – "Dreaming with BRICs: The path to 2050" India's GDP will reach $ 1 trillion by 2011, $ 2 trillion by 2020, $ 3 trillion by 2025, $ 6 trillion by 2032, $ 10 trillion by 2038, and $ 27 trillion by 2050, becoming the 3rd largest economy after USA and China. In terms of GDP, India will overtake Italy by the year 2016, France by 2019, UK by 2022, Germany by 2023, and Japan by 2032. Progress during the last 20 years Poverty (incidence) 1980s 1990s 2000 44% 36% 26% Education (literacy rate) 1980s 1990s 2000 44% 52% 65% Health (life expectancy) 1980s 1990s 2000 56 60 69 Source: World Bank (2003) Ex-Prime Minister, Sri Atal Bihari Vajpayee A treaty was signed on 6 January, 2004, establishing a South Asian Free Trade Area among the seven SAARC countries (India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Bhutan, Nepal, Sri Lanka and Maldives) in the region. India committed to a South Asian Union as the ultimate objective, with mutual security cooperation, open borders and a single currency in Southern Asia in the long run. "The bonds of ethnicity and culture which hold together the peoples of this region are more enduring than the barriers of political prejudice that have been erected quite recently.“ â€â€¦.Friends, India is ready to do everything that is necessary, to walk as many extra miles as may be required, to make this vision a reality.†Dr Abdul Kalam, President of India, father of India’s space, missile and satellite programme and author of “India 2020 Visionâ€. “I have three visions for India.†1. “ In 3000 years of our history people from all over the world have come and invaded us, captured our lands, conquered our minds. From Alexander onwards. The Greeks, the Turks, the Moguls, the Portuguese, the British, the French, the Dutch, all of them came and looted us, took over what was ours. Yet we have not done this to any other nation. We have not conquered anyone. We have not grabbed their land, their culture, their history and tried to enforce our way of life on them. Why? Because we respect the freedom of others. That is why my first vision is that of FREEDOM. I believe that India got its first vision of this in 1857, when we started the war of independence. It is this freedom that we must protect and nurture and build on. If we are not free, no one will respect us. “ 2. My second vision for India is DEVELOPMENT. For fifty years we have been a developing nation. It is time we see ourselves as a developed nation. We are among top 5 nations of the world in terms of GDP. We have 10% growth rate in most areas. Our poverty levels are falling. Our achievements are being globally recognized today. Yet we lack the self-confidence to see ourselves as a developed nation, self-reliant and self-assured. 3. I have a THIRD vision. India must stand up to the world. Because I believe that unless India stands up to the world, no one will respect us. Only strength respects strength. We must be strong not only as a military power but also as an economic power. Both must go hand-in-hand.†India’s population to be the largest in the world India is set to overtake China as the world's most populous nation by 2050. India’s population is expected to grow from 1.08bn to 1.63bn people, overtaking China, which is forecast to reach 1.44bn from 1.3bn currently. India, will also have the highest working population in the World — 700 million people out of 1.1 billion people are young; the young population will continue till 2050. Annie Wood Besant, British Theosophical Society, (1847-1933): “After a study of some forty years and more of the great religions of the world, I find none so perfect, none so scientific, none so philosophical and none so spiritual than the great religion known by the name of Hinduism. Make no mistake, without Hinduism, India has no future. Hinduism is the soil in to which India's roots are stuck and torn out of that she will inevitably wither as a tree torn out from its place. And if Hindus do not maintain Hinduism - who shall save it? If India's own children do not cling to her faith * who shall guard it? * India alone can save India and India and Hinduism are one.†============================ ====================== Here to there ! There to here ! ====================== DILIP VENGSARKAR When you rearrange the letters: SPARKLING DRIVE PRINCESS DIANA When you rearrange the letters: END IS A CAR SPIN MONICA LEWINSKY When you rearrange the letters: NICE SILKY WOMAN DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER DESPERATION hen you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER =============End============== ============ Get amazed ============ 1 x 8 + 1 = 9 12 x 8 + 2 = 98 123 x 8 + 3 = 987 1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876 12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765 123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654 1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543 12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432 123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321 =============================== ====================== STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS: ====================== BOY : May I hold your hand? GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy. GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me! BOY : You love me... GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring?? BOY : Sure, what's your phone number?? GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest. BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever. BOY : Don't you ever want to improve?? BOY : I love you and I could die for you! GIRL : How soon?? BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you! GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there?? MAN : You remind me of the sea. WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting? MAN : NO, because you make me sick. WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other. HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth. MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think, Peter? PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly. 1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?" Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday". 2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?" Pupil : "The moon". Teacher : "Why?" Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it". 3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?" Pupil : "A teacher". 4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?" Customer : "What other colors do you have?" 5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs. 6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !" Sam : "It's a family tradition". Teacher : "What do you mean?" Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher". Teacher : "What about your mother?" Sam : "She's a woman". 7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?" David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated". 8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?" Student : "Brotherly love". 9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?" Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook". 10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?" Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died". 11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?" One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father coincidencely got married on the same day and at the same time." =====================END================ =============== Famous Mothers =============== COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written!" MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?" NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me." ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?" MARY'S MOTHER: "I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you." GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!" THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!" PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is past your curfew." ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? OY! Styling gel, mousse, something...?" =============END================= ================ Brilliant Doubts - Unanswered ================ 1.If all the nations in the world are in debt(am not joking. even US has got debts), where did all the money go? (weird) 2.When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be give a thought) 3.What is the speed of darkness? (absurd) 4.If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good thinking) 5.Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows) 6.Can you cry under water? (let me try) 7.Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day? (i think they meant something else) 8.Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows) 9.Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell) 10.Can you get cornered in a round room? (by ones eyes) 12.Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight i will stay and watch) 13.What came first, the fruit or the color orange? (seed) 14.If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? (No comments) 15.What should one call a male ladybird? (No comments) 16.If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot? (can somebody help ) 17.Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can) 18.Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange isnt it) 19.If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be ! able to hear it? (got to think scientifically) 20.If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens? (i dont have a chan ce to try) 21.Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? (very nice) 22.If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? (this is nice) 23.Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road? (stupid, break the law) ================END================= ============================= Pyramid Of Life Use this In Your Life ====================== Talk------Softly Walk-----------Humbly Eat----------------Sensibly Breathe-----------------Deeply Sleep----------------------Sufficiently Dress------------------------------Smartly Act-----------------------------------Fearlessly Work--------------------------------------Patiently Think---------------------------------------Truthfully Believe----------------------------------------Correctly Behave-------------------------------------------Decently Learn--------------------------------------------Practically Plan---------------------------------------------------Orderly Earn-----------------------------------------------------Honestly Save--------------------------------------------------------Regularly Spend-----------------------------------------------------Intelligently Love----------------------------------------------------------Passionately =========================================== ================================== =============== I AM THANKFUL: =============== FOR THE WIFE WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT, BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME, AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE. [] FOR THE HUSBAND WHO IS ON THE SOFA BEING A COUCH POTATO, BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS. [] FOR THE TEENAGER WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME, NOT ON THE STREETS. [] FOR TAXES I PAY BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED [] FOR MESSES TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS. [] FOR CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT. [] FOR MY SHADOW WHICH WATCHES ME WORK BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE [] FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING, WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING, AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME. [] FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.. [] FOR THE PARKING SPOT I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION . [] FOR MY HUGE ELECTRICITY BILL BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM Cool. FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN HEAR. [] FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR. [] FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES AT THE END OF THE DAY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD. [] FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE. [] AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MANY E-MAILS BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME. =============END============== ================== Headlines for the year 1st Jan 2025 ================== Dhoom 17 ready for release. I will play next world cup - Sachin Tendulkar Salman, Vivek and Abhishek attend Aishwarya's 3rd marriage. Mein to ab bhi jawan hoon - Dev Anand's new movie set for release where he plays son of Aamir Khan & Madhuri Dixit. After remakes of 45 films of Amitabh, Shahrukh now to play Amitabh's role in remake of "Jhoom Barabar Jhoom" . Amitabh's new movie with Shahrukh Khan's daughter "Ek aur Nishabdh" Petrol Rs. 999 / ltr. Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi completed 2,50,000 episodes & Baa has completed 400yrs. Coach Ganguly resigns, as India went out of The World Cup in 1st round after losing to Korea . N.Siddhu will launch his own TV channel where he is the Host & the Guest too. Riots in the Parliament as the newly elected MPs Mallika Sheravat & Rakhi Sawant enter the assembly. Maruti launches its new Hovercraft "SX-25". Honda, Toyota & Tata to follow. A cap found in Mithi river - Sources say it belonged to a species called Himesh Reshammiya. ===========END========= ==================== Take these Mistakes ==================== If a barber makes a mistake , It's a NEW STYLE If a driver makes a mistake, It is a NEW PATH If a engineer makes a mistake, It is a NEW VENTURE If a politician makes a mistake, It is a NEW LAW If a scientist makes a mistake, It is a NEW INVENTION If a tailor makes a mistake, It is a NEW FASHION If a teacher makes a mistake , It is a NEW THEORY If parents makes a mistake, It is a NEW GENERATION. If our boss makes a mistake, It is a NEW IDEA If an employee makes a mistake, It is a MISTAKE ONLY ==============END================= ================ CHINESE PROVERBS ================ Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone. Man who run in front of car get tyred. Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ. Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok. Man with one chopstick go hungry. Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails. Man who eat many prunes get good run for money. Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk. Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth. War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left. Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house. Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night. It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it. Man who drive like hell, bound to get there. Man who stand on toilet is high on pot. Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement. Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs. Man who fart in church sit in own pew. Crowded elevator smell different to midget. =================END=================== ===================================== STATEMENTS,Statements and statements: ===================================== 1. God is real, unless declared integer 2. Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need more. 3. Death is hereditary. 4. There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side. 5. An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing. 6. Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them. 7. Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference. 8. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets. 9. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come . 10. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. 11. Well done is better than well said . 12. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking. 13. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. 14. If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side. 15. Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives. 16. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die ===============END=============== ====================== WINNERS VERSUS LOSERS ====================== ♦ The Winner is always part of the answer; The Loser is always part of the problem. ********* ♦ The Winner always has a program; The Loser always has an excuse. ********* ♦ The Winner says, "Let me do it for you"; The Loser says, "That is not my job." ********* ♦ The Winner sees an answer for every problem; The Loser sees a problem for every answer. ********* ♦ The Winner says, " It may be difficult but it is possible"; The Loser says, "It may be possible but i t is too difficult." ********* ♦ When a Winner makes a mistake, he says, "I was wrong"; When a Loser makes a mistake, he says, "It wasn't my fault." ********* ♦ A Winner makes commitments; A Loser makes promises. ********* ♦ Winners have dreams; Losers have schemes. ********* ♦ Winners say, "I must do something"; Losers say, "Something must be done." ********* ♦ Winners are a part of the team; Losers are apart from the team. ********* ♦ Winners see the gain; Losers see the pain. ********* ♦ Winners see possibilities; Losers see problems. ********* ♦ Winners believe in win-win; Losers believe for them to win someone has to lose. ********* ♦ Winners see the potential; Losers see the past. ********* ♦ Winners are like a thermostat; Losers are like thermometers. ********* ♦ Winners choose what they say; Losers say what they choose. ********* ♦ Winners use hard arguments but soft words; Losers use soft arguments but hard words. ********* ♦ Winners stand firm on values but compromise on petty things; Losers stand firm on petty things but compromise on values. ********* ♦ Winners follow the philosophy of empathy: "Don't do to others what you would not want them to do to you"; Losers follow the philosophy, "Do it to others before they do it to you ." ********* ♦ Winners make it happen; Losers let it happen. ********* ♦ Winners plan and prepare to win. The key word is preparation. ********* ================END============== ================ Tongue Twisters =============== 1. If you understand, say "understand" . If you don't understand, say " don't understand". But if you understand and say "don't understand". How do I understand that you understand? Understand! ********** 2.I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish. ********** 3. Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds. ********** 4 .A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea. ********** 5 . Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People ********** 6 .If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which watch? ********** 7 .I thought a thought.But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much. ********** 8 .Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow What a fellow means?" ********** 9.Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside. Mr Inside stood outside and called to MrOutside inside. Mr Outside answered Mr Inside from inside and Told Mr Inside to come inside. Mr Inside said "NO", and told Mr Outside to come outside. Mr Outside and Mr Inside argued from inside and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr Outside coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr Outside and Mr Inside went outside to the riverside. ********** 10.SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE , BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE SELLS, ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES ********** 11. The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn. ********** 12.If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors? "When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor. Does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor's way" ********** 13.We surely shall see the sun shine shortly. Whether the weather be fine, Or whether the weather be not, Whether the weather be cold Or whether the weather be hot, We'll weather the weather Whatever the weather, Whether we like it or not. Watch? Whether the weather is hot. Whether the weather is cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It is whether we like it or not. ********** 14.Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely . ********** 15 .A flea and a fly in a flue Said the fly "Oh what should we do" Said the flea" Let us fly Said the fly"Let us flee" So they flew through a flaw in the flue ********** 16.If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be twisted as tongue-twister twists tongues. ********** 17.Mr. See owned a saw.And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore.Had Soar seen See's saw Before See sawed Soar's seesaw, See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw. So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.But it was sad to see Soar so sore Just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw ..... ****** ========================END========================= ====================== So near and yet so far. ======================= No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". (Are you doubting this?) Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet. (Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for accuracy, right?) The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes). (Yep, I knew you were going to "do" this one.) There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. (You're not doubting this, are you?) There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious." (Yes, admit it, youare going to say . a e i o u) TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. (All you typists are going to test this out) A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. (Some days that's about what my memory span is) A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. A snail can sleep for three years. (I know some people that could do this too.) Almonds are a member of the peach family. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. Babies are born without kneecaps They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age. February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon. In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite! Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing. The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. (Good thing he did that) There are more chickens than people in the world. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance. Women blink nearly twice as much as men. ======================================================= =========================== Winners of the Nobel Prize in LITERATURE since 1960: ======================================= 2007: Doris Lessing, Britain. 2006: Orhan Pamuk, Turkey. 2005: Harold Pinter, Britain. 2004: Elfriede Jelinek, Austria. 2003: J.M. Coetzee, South Africa. 2002: Imre Kertesz, Hungary. 2001: V.S. Naipaul, Trinidad-born Briton. 2000: Gao Xingjian, Chinese-born French. 1999: Guenter Grass, Germany. 1998: Jose Saramago, Portugal. 1997: Dario Fo, Italy. 1996: Wislawa Szymborska, Poland. 1995: Seamus Heaney, Ireland. 1994: Kenzaburo Oe, Japan. 1993: Toni Morrison, United States. 1992: Derek Walcott, St. Lucia. 1991: Nadine Gordimer, South Africa. 1990: Octavio Paz, Mexico. 1989: Camilo Jose Cela, Spain. 1988: Naguib Mahfouz, Egypt. 1987: Joseph Brodsky, Russian-born American. 1986: Wole Soyinka, Nigeria. 1985: Claude Simon, France. 1984: Jaroslav Seifert, Czechoslovakia. 1983: William Golding, Britain. 1982: Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Colombia. 1981: Elias Canetti, Bulgarian-born Briton. 1980: Czeslaw Milosz, Polish-born American. 1979: Odysseus Elytis, Greece. 1978: Isaac Bashevis Singer, Polish-born American. 1977: Vicente Aleixandre, Spain. 1976: Saul Bellow, Canadian-born American. 1975: Eugenio Montale, Italy. 1974: Eyvind Johnson and Harry Martinson, Sweden. 1973: Patrick White, British-born Australian. 1972: Heinrich Boell, West Germany. 1971: Pablo Neruda, Chile. 1970: Alexander Solzhenitsyn, Russia. 1969: Samuel Beckett, Ireland. 1968: Yasunari Kawabata, Japan. 1967: Miguel A. Asturias, Guatemala. 1966: Shmuel Y. Agnon, Polish-born Israeli, and Nelly Sachs, German-born Swede. 1965: Mikhail Sholokhov, Russia. 1964: Jean-Paul Sartre, France (declined award). 1963: Giorgos Seferis, Turkish-born Greek. 1962: John Steinbeck, United States. 1961: Ivo Andric, Yugoslavia. 1960: Saint-John Perse, Guadeloupe-born French ==============END=============== ======================== TAX STRUCTURE IN INDIA ======================== 1) Qus. : What are you doing? Ans.: Business. Tax: PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX! 2) Qus. : What are you doing in Business? Ans.: Selling the Goods. Tax: PAY SALES TAX!! 3) Qus. : From where are you getting Goods? Ans.: From other State/Abroad Tax: PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI! 4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods? Ans..: Income. Tax: PAY INCOME TAX! 5) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods? Ans.: Factory. Tax: PAY EXCISE DUTY! 6) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory? Ans.: Yes Tax: PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX! 7) Qus. : Do you have Staff? Ans.: Yes Tax: PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX! 8) Qus. : Doing business in Millions? Ans.: Yes Tax: PAY TURNOVER TAX! 9) Qus. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank? Ans.: Yes, for Salary. Tax: PAY CASH HANDLING TAX! 10) Qus. : Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner? Ans.: Hotel Tax: PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX! 11) Qus. : Are you going Out of Station for Business? Ans.: Yes Tax: PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX! 12) Qus. : Have you taken or given any Service/s? Ans.: Yes Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX! 13) Qus. : How come you got such a Big Amount? Ans.: Gift on birthday. Tax: PAY GIFT TAX! 14) Qus. : Do you have any Wealth? Ans.: Yes Tax: PAY WEALTH TAX! 15) Qus. : To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going? Ans.: Cinema or Resort. Tax: PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX! 16) Qus. : Have you purchased House? Ans.: Yes Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE ! 17) Qus. : How you Travel? Ans.: Bus Tax: PAY SURCHARGE! 18) Qus. : Any Additional Tax? Ans.: Yes Tax: PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!! 19) Qus. : Delayed any time Paying Any Tax? Ans.: Yes Tax: PAY INTEREST & PENALTY =============END=============== ===================== Bill Gates Profile ===================== Name: Bill Gates Nickname: Trey Date of birth: 28 October 1955 Place of birth: Seattle, Washington, USA Birth name: William Henry Gates III Height: 5' 10 Family and Early Childhood - On October 28, 1955, shortly after 9:00 p.m., William Henry Gates III was born. He was born into a family with a rich history in business, politics, and community service. His great-grandfather had been a state legislator and mayor, his grandfather was the vice president of a national bank, and his father was a prominent lawyer. [Wallace, 1992, p. 8-9] Early on in life, it was apparent that Bill Gates inherited the ambition, intelligence, and competitive spirit that had helped his progenitors rise to the top in their chosen professions. In elementary school he quickly surpassed all of his peer's abilities in nearly all subjects, especially math and science. His parents recognized his intelligence and decided to enroll him in Lakeside, a private school known for its intense academic environment. This decision had far reaching effects on Bill Gates's life. For at Lakeside, Bill Gates was first introduced to computers. First computing Experience - In the Spring of 1968, the Lakeside prep school decided that it should acquaint the student body with the world of computers [Teamgates.com, 9/29/96]. Computers were still too large and costly for the school to purchase its own. Instead, the school had a fund raiser and bought computer time on a DEC PDP-10 owned by General Electric. A few thousand dollars were raised which the school figured would buy more than enough time to last into the next school year. However, Lakeside had drastically underestimated the allure this machine would have for a hand full of young students. Bill Gates, Paul Allen, and a few other Lakeside students (many of whom were the first programmers hired at Microsoft) immediately became inseparable from the computer. They would stay in the computer room all day and night, writing programs, reading computer literature and anything else they could to learn about computing. Soon Gates and the others started running into problems with the faculty. Their homework was being turned in late (if at all), they were skipping classes to be in the computer room and worst of all, they had used up all of the schools computer time in just a few weeks. [Wallace, 1992, p. 24] In the fall of 1968, Computer Center Corporation opened for business in Seattle. It was offering computing time at good rates, and one of the chief programmers working for the corporation had a child attending Lakeside. A deal was struck between Lakeside Prep School and the Computer Center Corporation that allowed the school to continue providing it's students with computer time. [Wallace, 1992, p. 27] Gates and his comrades immediately began exploring the contents of this new machine. It was not long before the young ha�kers started causing problems. They caused the system to crash several times and broke the computers security system. They even altered the files that recorded the amount of computer time they were using. They were caught and the Computer Center Corporation banned them from the system for several weeks. Bill Gates, Paul Allen and, two other ha�kers from Lakeside formed the Lakeside Programmers Group in late 1968. They were determined to find a way to apply their computer skills in the real world. The first opportunity to do this was a direct result of their mischievous activity with the school's computer time. The Computer Center Corporation�s business was beginning to suffer due to the systems weak security and the frequency that it crashed. Impressed with Gates and the other Lakeside computer addicts' previous assaults on their computer, the Computer Center Corporation decided to hire the students to find bugs and expose weaknesses in the computer system. In return for the Lakeside Programming Group's help, the Computer Center Corporation would give them unlimited computer time [Wallace, 1992, p. 27]. The boys could not refuse. Gates is quoted as saying "It was when we got free time at C-cubed (Computer Center Corporation) that we really got into computers. I mean, then I became hardcore. It was day and night" [Wallace, 1992, p. 30]. Although the group was hired just to find bugs, they also read any computer related material that the day shift had left behind. The young ha�kers would even pick employees for new information. It was here that Gates and Allen really began to develop the talents that would lead to the formation of Microsoft seven years later. Roots of Business Career - Computer Center Corporation began to experience financial problems late in 1969. The Company finally went out of business in March of 1970. The Lakeside Programmers Group had to find a new way to get computer time. Eventually they found a few computers on the University of Washington's campus where Allen's dad worked. The Lakeside Programmers Group began searching for new chances to apply their computer skills. Their first opportunity came early the next year when Information Sciences Inc. hired them to program a payroll program. Once again the group was given free computer time and for the first time, a source of income. ISI had agreed to give them royalties whenever it made money from any of the groups programs. As a result of the business deal signed with Information Sciences Inc., the group also had to become a legal business [Wallace, 1992, p. 42-43]. Gates and Allen's next project involved starting another company entirely on their own, Traf-O-Data. They produced a small computer which was used to help measure traffic flow. From the project they grossed around $20,000. The Traf-O-Data company lasted until Gates left for college. During Bill Gates' junior year at Lakeside, the administration offered him a job computerizing the school's scheduling system. Gates asked Allen to help with the project. He agreed and the following summer, they wrote the program. In his senior year, Gates and Allen continued looking for opportunities to use their skills and make some money. It was not long until they found this opportunity. The defense contractor TRW was having trouble with a bug infested computer similar to the one at Computer Center Corporation. TRW had learned of the experience the two had working on the Computer Center Corporation�s system and offered Gates and Allen jobs. However thing would be different at TRW they would not be finding the bugs they would be in charge of fixing them. "It was at TRW that Gates began to develop as a serious programmer," and it was there that Allen and Gates first started talking seriously about forming their own software company [Wallace, 1992, p. 49-51]. In the fall of 1973, Bill Gates left home for Harvard University [Teamgates.com, 9/29/96]. He had no idea what he wanted to study, so he enrolled as prelaw. Gates took the standard freshman courses with the exception of signing up for one of Harvard's toughest math courses. He did well but just as in high school, his heart was not in his studies. After locating the school's computer center, he lost himself in the world of computers once again. Gates would spend many long nights in front of the school's computer and the next days asleep in class. Paul Allen and Gates remained in close contact even with Bill away at school. They would often discuss ideas for future projects and the possibility of one day starting a business. At the end of Gates's first year at Harvard, the two decided that Allen should move closer to him so that they may be able to follow up on some of their ideas. That summer they both got jobs working for Honeywell [Wallace, 1992, p. 59]. As the summer dragged on, Allen began to push Bill harder with the idea that they should open a software company. Gates was still not sure enough to drop out of school. The following year, however, that would all change. The Birth of Microsoft - In December of 1974, Allen was on his way to visit Gates when along the way he stopped to browse the current magazines. What he saw changed his and Bill Gates's lives forever. On the cover of Popular Electronics was a picture of the Altair 8080 and the headline "World's First Microcomputer Kit to Rival Commercial Models." He bought the issue and rushed over to Gates's dorm room. They both recognized this as their big opportunity. The two knew that the home computer market was about to explode and that someone would need to make software for the new machines. Within a few days, Gates had called MITS (Micro Instrumentation and Telemetry Systems), the makers of the Altair. He told the company that he and Allen had developed a BASIC that could be used on the Altair [Teamgates.com, 9/29/96]. This was a lie. They had not even written a line of code. They had neither an Altair nor the chip that ran the computer. The MITS Company did not know this and was very interested in seeing their BASIC. So, Gates and Allen began working feverishly on the BASIC they had promised. The code for the program was left mostly up to Bill Gates while Paul Allen began working on a way to simulate the Altair with the schools PDP-10. Eight weeks later, the two felt their program was ready. Allen was to fly to MITS and show off their creation. The day after Allen arrived at MITS, it was time to test their BASIC. Entering the program into the company's Altair was the first time Allen had ever touched one. If the Altair simulation he designed or any of Gates's code was faulty, the demonstration would most likely have ended in failure. This was not the case, and the program worked perfectly the first time [Wallace, 1992, p. 80]. MITS arranged a deal with Gates and Allen to buy the rights to their BASIC.[Teamgates. com, 9/29/96] Gates was convinced that the software market had been born. Within a year, Bill Gates had dropped out of Harvard and Microsoft was formed. by - John Mirick * 1955 - William Henry Gates III is born on October 28th in Seattle, Washington. Popularly known as Bill Gates, his family called him "Trey" when he was little. * 1967 - Bill enrolls in the Lakeside School in Seattle and met Paul Allen. * 1969 - Bill and Paul (a.k.a "Lakeside Programming Group") reports bugs in exchange for computer time. * 1972 - Bill and Paul forms Traf-O-Data and develops hardware/software to record highway traffic. * 1973 - Bill Gates graduates from Lakeside High and enrolls in Harvard University, where he majors in pre-law. * 1974 - Bill Gates and Paul Allen forms Micro-soft. * 1975 - Bill and Paul writes the first computer language called BASIC and license it to MITS. * 1976 - Bill writes software routines for BASIC on the Altair to use diskettes for storage. Gates writes his famous "Open Letter to Hobbyists", accusing them of software piracy. Bill Gates drops out of Harvard. * 1977 - Bill Gates and Paul Allen officially registers a partnership, and Micro-soft becomes Microsoft. * 1980 - Tim Paterson began writing an OS for use on Seattle Computer Products' (SCP) 8086-based computer. IBM representatives meet Gates and Steve Ballmer to write the OS for their upcoming computer. They meet again and IBM showed the "Acorn" computer running on an 8-bit 8080 processor. Gates recommends the use of a 16-bit 8086 processor instead and promises an operating system. SCP ships QDOS 0.10 (Quick & Dirty Operating System). Paul Allen approachs SCP and purchased the rights to resell to an unnamed client for $50,000 - IBM. Microsoft propose to be in-charged of IBM's entire software development and convert DOS for IBM's PC. * 1981 - Microsoft buys all the rights to SCP's DOS and renames it MS-DOS. IBM introduces its first desktop, Data master, which runs on the 16-bit 8086 CPU and Microsoft's MS-DOS. * 1983 - Microsoft announces Windows 1.0. * 1985 - Bill Gates gives keynote speech at Comdex. Microsoft releases Windows 1.0. * 1986 - Microsoft is taken public at an IPO price of $21/share. Bill Gates became a billionaire at 31 years old - the youngest person to do so. * 1990 - Microsoft releases Windows 3.0 and Microsoft's sales top $1 billion for the first time. * 1994 - Bill Gates and Melinda French gets married in Hawaii on January 1st. Bill Gates becomes the richest person in America later in the year. * 1995 - Microsoft releases Windows 95 and Bill Gates becomes the richest person in the world. * 1996 - Jennifer Katherine Gates is born on April 26th. * 1998 - Bill, Melinda and Jennifer move into their new multi-million dollar house in Medina, Washington. Microsoft releases Windows 98. * 1999 - Bill's fortunes swell to $90 billion and maintains his position on Forbes list as the wealthiest person alive. * 2000 - Microsoft releases Windows 2000 and Windows ME. * 2001 - Microsoft releases Windows XP. * 2002 - Stocks and lawsuits bring Gates' net worth down to $53 billion - still good enough for #1 on Forbes list. * 2003 - Microsoft releases Windows Server 2003. * 2004 - Microsoft announces a new OS, codenamed Longhorn. * 2005 - Longhorn is officially named Windows Vista. * 2006 - After numerous delays, Windows Vista is finally released to business users. Microsoft also RTMs Office 2007. * 2007 - Bill Gates officiates the public release of Windows Vista in New York's Times Square at midnight on January 30th. ===================END======================= ================================ IF BILL GATES START MAKING FILMS IN BOLLYWOOD ! NAMES OF HIS "WOULD BE FILMS." ================================ 1 Hang To Hona Hi Tha !!!!!!!!!!!! 2. Meri Disc Tumhare Paas Hai 3. Aao Chat Kare 4. Programmer No.1 5. Mera Naam Developer 6. Java Wale Job Le Jayenge 7. Hum Apke Memory Mein Rehte Hein 8. Do Processor Baarah Terminal 9. Tera Code Chal Gaya 10. Har Din Jo Mail Karega 11. Network Ke Us Paar 12. Debugging Koi Khel Nahi 13. Jish Desh Mein Bill Gates Rehta Hai 14. Raju Ban Gaya MCSE .! 15. Client Ek Numbari Programmer Dus Numbari 16. Login Karo Sajana 17. Naukar PC Ka 18. 1942 -- A Bug Story 19. Kaho Na Virus Hai 20. Crash Se Crash Tak 21. Haan Maine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai 22. Password De Ke Dekho 23. Terminal Apna Login Paray ==================END================ ===================== Humor for Lexophiles (lovers of words) ===================== I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. And then it hit me. Police were called to a day care where a three year old was resisting a rest. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. The butcher backed up into a meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. To write with a broken pencil is pointless. When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal. Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking. We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply. When the smog lifts in Los Angelas, U. C. L. A. The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground. If you don't pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed. With her marriage the bride got a new name and a dress. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-Flat Miner. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered. You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under. A calendar's days are numbered. A lot of money is tainted: T'aint yours and t'aint mine. A boiled egg is hard to beat. He had a photographic memory which was never developed. A plateau is a high form of flattery. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall. ===============END==================== ==================== Bhagwan Shri Krishna wants to tell you. ==================== Hey Parth (Employee), Incentive nahi mila, Bura Hua salary cut rahi hai, Bura Hua Extra shift hogi, woh bhi buri hogi. Tum pichhla incentive na milne ka paschatap na karo, Tum agle incentive ki chinta na karo, Bus apni salary main santusht raho.... Tumhari pocket se kya gaya, jo rote ho? Jo aaya tha sab yahee se aaya. Tum jab nahi the, tab bhi company chal rahi thee Tum jab nahi hoge, tab bhi chalegee. Tum koi experience leker nahi aaye the.. Jo experience mila yahi mila... Jo support diya company ke liye... Degree leker aaye the, experience leker chalo. Jo system aaj tumhara hai... Woh kal kisi aur ka tha.... Kal kisi aur ka or parso kisi aur ka hoga.. Tum ise apna samajh kar kyo magan ho rahe ho.. Yahi khushi tumhari tension kaa kaaran hai. "Kyo vyarth chinta karte ho, kisse vyarth darte ho, Kaun tumhe nikaal sakta hai......" Policy change company ka rule hai. Jise tum policy change kahte ho, wahi to trick hai. "Ek pal main tum Best performer or Hero no.1 ya Super Star ban jaate ho, Dusre pal main tum worst performer or target nahin achieve kar paatey ho." Appraisal, incentive etc. etc. mann se hata do, vichaar se mita do, Phir company tumhari hai or tum company ke. na yeh increment wageyrah tumhare liye hai na tum iske kabhi ho, Parantu job secure hai Phir tum tension kyon lete ho........? Tum apne aap ko company ko arpit kar do, Yahi sabse bada golden rule hai, Jo is golden rule ko jaanta hai, woh review, incentive,recession,retirement aadi se sada ke liye muqt ho jaata hai.... HURRY (H)OM(e). ===================================== ---- ======================= Mr.Warren Buffet... The second richest man ====================== There was a one hour interview on CNBC with Warren Buffet, the second richest man who has donated $31 billion to charity. Here are some very interesting aspects of his life: 1. He bought his first share at age 11 and he now regrets that he started too late! 2. He bought a small farm at age 14 with savings from delivering newspapers. 3. He still lives in the same small 3-bedroom house in mid-town Omaha, that he bought after he got married 50 years ago. He says that he has everything he needs in that house. His house does not have a wall or a fence. 4. He drives his own car everywhere and does not have a driver or security people around him. 5. He never travels by private jet, although he owns the world's largest private jet company. 6. His company, Berkshire Hathaway, owns 63 companies. He writes only one letter each year to the CEOs of these companies, giving them goals for the year.He never holds meetings or calls them on a regular basis. He has given his CEO's only two rules. Rule number 1: Do not lose any of your share holder's money. Rule number 2: Do not forget rule number 1. 7. He does not socialize with the high society crowd. His past time after he gets home is to make himself some pop corn and watch Television. 8. Bill Gates, the world's richest man met him for the first time only 5 years ago. Bill Gates did not think he had anything in common with Warren Buffet. So he had scheduled his meeting only for half hour. But when Gates met him, the meeting lasted for ten hours and Bill Gates became a devotee of Warren Buffet. 9. Warren Buffet does not carry a cell phone, nor has a computer on his desk. His advice to young people: "Stay away from credit cards and invest in yourself and Remember: A. Money doesn't create man but it is the man who created money. B. Live your life as simple as you are. C. Don't do what others say, just listen them, but do what you feel good. D. Don't go on brand name; just wear those things in which u feel comfortable. E. Don't waste your money on unnecessary things; just spend on them who are really in need rather. F. After all it's your life then why give chance to others to rule our life." =================END================= ============================== Four Thoughts for thoughts ============================== # Thought 1 # When we are born, our mother's get the compliments and the flowers. When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity. When we die, our widows get the life insurance. What do women want to be liberated from? ------------------------------------------------------ # Thought 2 # The average man's life consists of : Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going, Forty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners wondering too. -------------------------------------------------------- # Thought 3 # A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. The man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I got married?" -------------------------------------------------------- # Thought 4 # Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by bride. The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life. " Then he raises his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me." The whole audience including priest started laughing but not the poor groom. ======================END===================== ================== Rhyming couplets ================== [A local newspaper (in England) ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line... But the least romantic second line. Here are some of the entries they received.] ==================== ********* My feelings for you no words can tell, Except for maybe " go to hell" ********* Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head. ********* Oh loving beauty you float with grace If only you could hide your face ********* Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; This describes everything you are not ********* I want to feel your sweet embrace But don't take that paper bag off of your face ********* I love your smile, your face, and your eyes - Damn, I'm good at telling lies ! ********* I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I always wake up screaming ********* My love, you take my breath away. What have you stepped in to smell this way ================END=============== ============= Funny Quotes ============= "Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?" "It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper." "If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark." "Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf." "An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing." "Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do?Turn out the lights!" "I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier." "The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things." "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." "Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else." "When your dreams turn to dust, it's time to vacuum." "Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. " "It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week." "Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills. Making the last car payment." "They've finally come up with the perfect office computer.If it makes a mistake,it blames another computer." "Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak." "The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.But not in that order" "When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half." "Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." "Compatible Your money fits in the salesperson's wallet." "When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?" "Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use." "There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side." "Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times." "Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you're finished. " "Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference." "Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. " "We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our butt then things get worse." "It's always darkest before dawn So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. " "The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office" "I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early." "The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot; The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius. " "If our constitution allows us free speech, why are there phone bills?" "You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark? " "Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,dishonesty is the second-best policy." "If you can't convince them, confuse them." "I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying." "If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."; Download These Quotes and Put them as a Screensaver =================END========== ==================== TRUTH: 21st Century ==================== Our communication - Wireless Our telephone - Cordless Our cooking - Fireless Our youth - Jobless Our food - Fatless Our Labour - Effortless Our conduct - Worthless Our relation - Loveless Our attitude - Careless Our feelings - Heartless Our follies - Countless Our arguments - Baseless Our BO$$ - Brainless Our Job - Thankless Our Salary - Very less. =========END=========== ======================== The A - Z of Friendship ======================== A Friend ... Accepts you as you are. Believes in you. Calls you just to say "hi." Doesn't give up on you. Envisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts). Forgives your mistakes. Gives unconditionally. Helps you. Invites you over. Just likes being with you. Keeps you close at heart. Loves you for who you are. Makes a difference in your life. Never judges you. Offers support. Picks you up. Quiets your fears. Raises your spirits. Says nice things about you. Tells you the truth when you need to hear it. Understands you. Values you. Walks beside you. X-plains things you don't understand. Yells when you won't listen. Zaps you back to reality ===============END=========== ================== Play with words ================== DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE ============END================ ========================== Love Letter from a Farmer ========================== My sweet potato, do you carrot all for me? You are the apple of my eye. With your radish hair and turnip nose. My heart beets for you. My love for you is as strong as onions. If we cantaloupe, lettuce marry, and we will be a happy pear! ============END============ ======================= Universal Chaayageet ====================== 1. AMERICA ASKS WORLD TO UNITE AGAINST TERRORISM : sathi haath badhana, sathi haath badhana, ek akela thak jayega, milkar bojh uthana 2. UK, THE BIGGEST CHAMCHA OF US, FIRST TO SUPPORT ae maalik tere bande hum 3. PAK PLEDGES SUPPORT IN RETURN OF FINANCIAL HELP : jo tumko ho pasand wahi baat kahenge, tum din ko agar raat kaho, raat kahenge dete na aap saath to mar jaate hum kabhike pure hue hai aap se armaan jindagi ke hum jindagi ko aapki saugaat kahenge tum din ko agar raat kaho raat kahenge. 4. US SAYS IT IS PLEASED WITH PAKISTANI RESPONSE aap jo mere meet na hote, hotho pe mere geet na hote 5. PAK TOO PLEASED WITH US STAND, ESPECIALLY AS THEY WERE NOT ON VERY GOOD TERMS OF LATE : PAK : kabhi raat din hum door the, din raat ka ab saath hai US : wo bhi ittefaak ki baat thi, ye bhi ittefaak ki baat hai 6. TALIBAN SHOCKED WITH PAKISTANI STAND : bahaaro ne mera chaman loot kar khija ko ye iljaam kyo de diya? kisi ne chalo dushamani kee magar ise dosti naam kyu de diya? 7. PAK SAYS IT HAS NO OPTION : hum bewafa hargiz na the, par hum wafa kar na sake ................ 8. INDIA OFFERS RE-FUELLING FACILITIES TO US : o gore gore, o baa ke chore, kabhi meri gali aaya karo 9. US SAYS TIES WITH PAK WON`T AFFECT INDO-US RELATIONS : na tum bewafa ho, na hum bewafa hai, magar kya kare apani raahe juda hai 10. BUSH (B) ASKS OMAR (O) TO HAND OVER OSAMA : B : e, kya bolta tu? O : e, kya mai bolu? B : sun, O : suna! B : deta kya Osama? O : kya, karega? nahi diya to Osama? B : are maarenge peetenge bomb barsaayenge war karenge aur kya? 11. TALIBAN REFUSES TO HAND OVER OSAMA : hame tumse pyaar kitna, ye hum nahi jaante, magar jee nahi sakte, tumhare bina! 12. ANOTHER SETBACK TO TALIBAN AS Saudi Arab, UAE SNAP TIES : kasme waade pyaar wafa sab, baate hai baato ka kya? koi kisi ka nahi ye jhoothe naate hai naato ka kya? 13. AS ATTACKS START, TALIBAN LAUNCHES ANTI-AIRCRAFT FIRE. BUT SAYS US PLANES TOO HIGH TO BE HIT : meri arji maan le maula, tu hai sabkuch jaanne wala, mai hu tera maanne wala, apni firing lift karaade, thodi si to lift karaade 14. MUSLIM COUNTRIES SUPPORT ATTACKS, TALIBAN DISGUSTED : dekhi jamane ki yaari, bichde sabhi baari baari 15. OSAMA DECLARES JIHAD AGAINST US : tum humko maarte ho? hum tumko maarte hai! hum apne jihad ka aailaan karte hai! 16. IN INDIA, THAKRE SAYS NO POINT IN SUPPORTING US, AS IT IS NOT INTERESTED IN KASHMIRI TERRORISM : tum to thehere pardesi, saath kya nibhaaoge? Osama pakda jayega to Ghar ko laut jaoge =========================END=================== ----------------------------------------------------------------- --------------- 1) Longest English Word: Praetertranssubstantiationalistically has 37 letters. 2) Book Without Letter "e" : GADFY, written by Earnest Wright in 1939 is a 50,000+ word book, which doesn't contain a single word with 'e' in it 3) Word without Vowel: Rhythm Sky Fry Cry 4) Human Brain: Organ of body which has no sensation when cut. 5) Crocodile : Only animal & reptile which sheds tear while eating. 6) No:of Alphabets, which SOUND AS WORDS : They are ** **B* Bee * ** **C* Sea* ** **G* Zee* ** **I* Eye * ** **Q* Queue* ** **R* Are * ** **S* Yes * ** **T* Tea* ** ** **U* You * ** **Y* Why Fascinating Animals, Birds, Trees : 1) SNAILS have 14175 teeth laid along 135 rows on their tongue. 2) A BUTTERFLY has 12,000 eyes. 3) DOLPHINS sleep with 1 eye open. 4) A BLUE WHALE can eat as much as 3 tones of food everyday, but at the same time can live without food for 6 months. 5) The EARTH has over 12,00,000 species of animals, 3,00,000 species of plants & 1,00,000 other species. 6) The fierce DINOSAUR was TYRANNOSAURS which has sixty long & sharp teeth, used to attack & eat other dinosaurs. 7) DEMETRIO was a mammal like REPTILE with a snail on its back. This acted as a radiator to cool the body of the animal. 8) CASSOWARY is one of the dangerous BIRD, that can kill a man or animal by tearing off with its dagger like claw. 9) The SWAN has over 25,000 feathers in its body. 10) OSTRICH eats pebbles to help digestion by grinding up the ingested food. 11) POLAR BEAR can look clumsy & slow but during chase on ice, can reach 25 miles / hr of speed. 12) KIWIS are the only birds, which hunt by sense of smell. 13) ELEPHANT teeth can weigh as much as 9 pounds. 14) OWL is the only bird, which can rotate its head to 270 degrees. What are They : 1) If we say 'MUMMY', they come together & go apart when we say DADDY': LIPS 2) What goes up & never comes down: AGE 3) Patches over patches but no stitches: CABBAGE 4) What is that we cannot see, but is always before you: FUTURE 5) What goes up & down a hill, but never moves: ROAD 6) You can never wet it: SHADOW 7) What belongs to You, but used by your friends more often you do: YOUR NAME In 24 Hours Average Human: 1) HEART beats 1,03,689 times. 2) LUNGS respire 23,045 times. 3) BLOOD flows 16,80,000 miles. 4) NAILS grow 0.00007 inches 5) HAIR grows 0.01715 inches 6) Take 2.9 pounds WATER (including all liquids) 7) Take of 3.25 pounds FOOD. 8) Breathe 438 cubic feet AIR. 9) Lose 85.60, BODY TEMPERATURE. 10) Produce 1.43 pints SWEAT. 11) Speak 4,800 WORDS. 12) During SLEEP move 25.4 times ===================END================ ============================ HEADLINES DATED 1ST JAN 2023: ============================ 1. President Sonia gandhi and prime minister priyanka gandhi receive Italy prime minister rahul gandhi. 2. Dhoom 17 ready for release. 3. I will play next world cup - sachin tendulkar 4. Salman, Vivek and Abhishek attend aishwarya's 3rd marriage. 5. Mein tau aabhi jawan hu - dev anand. 6. Petrol Rs.999/lt. 7. Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi completed 2,50,000 episodes & Baa has completed 400yrs. 8. Coach ganguly resigns, as india went out of world cup in 1st round after losing to korea 9 N.siddhu will launch his own TV channel where he can speak for a whole day. ------------------END----------------- ===================== Do You Know? [in English language] ===================== Letters 'A', 'B', 'C' & 'D' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 99 (Letter 'D' comes for the first time in Hundred) Letters 'A', 'B' & 'C' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999 (Letter 'A' comes for the first time in Thousand) Letters 'B' & 'C' don't appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999,999,999 (Letter 'B' comes for the first time in Billion) And Letter 'C'does not appear anywhere in the spellings of entire English Counting ==========END============ ============================ Why I am Glad to be a Women: ============================= We got off the Titanic first. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point). We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay! We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. So congratulations girls!! Guys, better luck next time. =============END=============== ============================= THINGS ONLY A MOM CAN TEACH ============================ My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION: "Just wait until your father gets home." My Mother taught me about RECEIVING:. "You are going to get it when we get home!" My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE: "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you... Don't talk back to me!" My Mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why." & "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to The store with me." My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE: "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way." My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD: "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job." My Mother taught me ESP: "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?" My Mother taught me HUMOR: "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT: "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." My Mother taught me about SEX: "How do you think you got here?" My Mother taught me about GENETICS: "You're just like your father." My Mother taught me about my ROOTS: "Do you think you were born in a barn?" My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE: "When you get to be my age, you will understand." My Mother taught me about JUSTICE: "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you. Then you'll see what it's like." My mother taught me RELIGION: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" My mother taught me FORESIGHT: "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." My mother taught me IRONY: "Keep crying and I'll *give* you something to cry about." My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!" My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM: "Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!" My mother taught me about STAMINA: "You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished." My mother taught me about WEATHER: "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room." My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS: "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?" My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY: "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times: Don't Exaggerate!!!" My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father!" My mother taught me about ENVY: "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!" =================END========= ================== Why SURAT is BEST ? ================== 1=> DIAMOND CAPITAL OF THE WORLD -- 80 % OF THE WORLDS DIAMOND IS CUT & POLISHED IN SURAT !! -- IN 2005 92% OF THE WORLDS DIAMOND WAS CUT N POLISHED IN SURAT !! 2=> TEXTILE CAPITAL OF INDIA -- 2 OUT OF EVERY 10 SAREE IN INDIA IS MANUFACTURED IN SURAT !! 3=> SILK CAPITAL OF INDIA . 4=> 2nd CLEANEST CITY OF INDIA . 5=> MOST No. OF FLYOVERS IN GUJARAT . 6=> FIRST AND ONLY MULTILAYER FLYOVER OF GUJARAT IS IN SURAT . 7=> WORLDS FASTEST GROWING CITY -- U.N.SURVEY 8=> SURAT STANDS AS THE BEST CITY IN INDIA TO EARN FAST MONEY AND INVEST MONEY. ? THE TIMES OF INDIA . 9=> INDIA 'S ONLY ZERO UNEMPLOYMENT CITY. 10=> Surat is one of the most industrially active cities that connect to it- BIG CORPORATE HOUSES IN SURAT LIKE?ESSAR, ONGC, RELIANCE, SHELL, L&T, HP, I.O.C, G.A.I.L AND MANY MORE... 11=> ATLEAST ONE PERSON FROM EACH VILLAGE OF GUJARAT HAVE A LINK WITH SURAT . 12=> EVERY INTERNATIONAL FLIGHT TO/FROM INDIA HAS ATLEAST ONE PASSENGER FROM SURAT . 13=> ONLY CITY IN GUJARAT TO HAVE "FAME" & "ADLABS" THEATRE'S BOTH. 14=> HIGHEST CONSUMPTION OF LIQUOR IN GUJARAT IS IN SURAT . 15=> MOST NO. OF "WOMEN LIQUOR LICENSE HOLDERS" IN GUJARAT ARE FROM SURAT . 16=> HIGHEST INCOME TAX PAYING CITY IN ASIA . 17=> SMC - SURAT MUNCIPAL CORPORATION EARNS Rs. 1 CRORE DAILY FROM OCTRO THIS IS HIGHEST IN INDIA . 18=> DOMINO'S FIRST PIZZA OUTLET IN GUJARAT WAS IN SURAT . 19=> IN DASSHERA 2006... SURAT MADE A RECORD IN WESTERN INDIA ...OF MOST NO. OF 4 WHEELERS AND 2 WHEELERS SALE . 20=> ONE OF THE LONGEST FLYOVER OF INDIA IS LOCATED IN SURAT . 21=> INDIA 'S ONLY READYMADE GARMENT PARK IS SITUATED IN SURAT . 22=> WORLD'S ONLY PUBLIC SECTOR JEWELLERY PARK IS SITUATED IN SURAT . 23=> IN PAST SURAT WAS A GLORIOUS PORT WITH SHIPS OF MORE THAN 84 COUNTRIES ANCHORED IN ITS HARBOUR. 24=> 40% OF INDIA 'S TOTAL MAN-MADE FABRIC PRODUCTION IS IN SURAT . 25=> 28% OF INDIA 'S TOTAL SYNTHETIC OUTPUT IS FROM SURAT . 26=> RICHEST CITY OF GUJARAT . 27=> FASTEST No. OF GROWING CROREPATI'S IN INDIA ARE IN SURAT . 28=> FAMOUS CITY FOR MAKING "manja" --THREAD USED FOR KITE FLYING. 29=> FAMOUS CITY FOR ITS UNIQUE FOOD...SURTI CUISINE ESPECIALY "UNDHYU" 30=> SURAT IS THE CITY, WHERE THE BRITISHERS FIRST LANDED IN INDIA . 31=> SURAT HAS ONE OF THE HIGHEST PER CAPITA INCOME IN ASIA . 32=> PONK IS A ROASTED MILLET VARIETY THAT IS AVAILABLE ONLY IN SURAT IN WHOLE WORLD. 33=> SURAT HAS BEEN ALLOTED A "S.E.Z . ? SPECIAL ECONOMIC ZONE" BY THE CENTRAL GOVERNMENT ==================END=============== ===================== The top 10 languages spoken in the world ===================== 10. French -- Number of speakers: 129 million Often called the most romantic language in the world, French is spoken in tons of countries, including Belgium, Canada, Rwanda, Cameroon, and Haiti. Oh, and France too. We're actually very lucky that French is so popular, because without it, we might have been stuck with Dutch Toast, Dutch Fries, and Dutch kissing (ew!). To say "hello" in French, say "Bonjour" (bone-JOOR). 9. Malay—Indonesian Number of speakers: 159 million Malay-Indonesian is spoken - surprise - in Malaysia and Indonesia. Actually, we kinda fudged the numbers on this one because there are many dialects of Malay, the most popular of which is Indonesian. But they're all pretty much based on the same root language, which makes it the ninth most-spoken in the world.Indonesia is a fascinating place; a nation made up of over 13,000 islands it is the sixth most populated country in the world. Malaysia borders on two of the larger parts of Indonesia (including the island of Borneo), and is mostly known for its capital city of Kuala Lumpur. To say "hello" in Indonesian, say "Selamat pagi" (se-LA-maht PA-gee). 8. Portuguese -- Number of speakers: 191 million Think of Portuguese as the little language that could. In the 12th Century, Portugal won its independence from Spain and expanded all over the world with the help of its famous explorers like Vasco da Gama and Prince Henry the Navigator. (Good thing Henry became a navigator . . . could you imagine if a guy named "Prince Henry the Navigator" became a florist?) Because Portugal got in so early on the exploring game, the language established itself all over the world, especially in Brazil (where it's the national language), Macau, Angola, Venezuela, and Mozambique. To say "hello" in Portuguese, say "Bom dia" (bohn DEE-ah). 7. Bengali -- Number of speakers: 211 million In Bangladesh, a country of 120+ million people, just about everybody speaks Bengali. And because Bangladesh is virtually surrounded by India (where the population is growing so fast, just breathing the air can get you pregnant), the number of Bengali speakers in the world is much higher than most people would expect. To say "hello" in Bengali, say "Ei Je" (EYE-jay). 6. Arabic -- Number of speakers: 246 million Arabic, one of the world's oldest languages, is spoken in the Middle East, with speakers found in countries such as Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Iraq, Syria, Jordan, Lebanon, and Egypt. Furthermore, because Arabic is the language of the Koran, millions of Moslems in other countries speak Arabic as well. So many people have a working knowledge of Arabic, in fact, that in 1974 it was made the sixth official language of the United Nations. To say "hello" in Arabic, say "Al salaam a'alaykum" (Ahl sah-LAHM ah ah-LAY-koom) . 5. Russian -- Number of speakers: 277 million Mikhail Gorbachev, Boris Yeltsin, and Yakov Smirnoff are among the millions of Russian speakers out there. Sure, we used to think of them as our Commie enemies. Now we think of them as our Commie friends. One of the six languages in the UN, Russian is spoken not only in the Mother Country, but also in Belarus, Kazakhstan, and the U.S. (to name just a few places). To say "hello" in Russian, say "Zdravstvuite" (ZDRAST-vet- yah). 4. Spanish -- Number of speakers: 392 million Aside from all of those kids who take it in high school, Spanish is spoken in just about every South American and Central American country, not to mention Spain, Cuba, and the U.S. There is a particular interest in Spanish in the U.S., as many English words are borrowed from the language, including: tornado, bonanza, patio, quesadilla, enchilada, and taco grande supreme. To say "hello" in Spanish, say "Hola" (OH-la). 3. Hindustani -- Number of speakers: 497 million Hindustani is the primary language of India's crowded population, and it encompasses a huge number of dialects (of which the most commonly spoken is Hindi). While many predict that the population of India will soon surpass that of China, the prominence of English in India prevents Hindustani from surpassing the most popular language in the world. If you're interested in learning a little Hindi, there's a very easy way: rent an Indian movie. The film industry in India is the most prolific in the world, making thousands of action/romance/ musicals every year. To say "hello" in Hindustani, say "Namaste" (Nah-MAH-stay) . 2. English -- Number of speakers: 508 million While English doesn't have the most speakers, it is the official language of more countries than any other language. Its speakers hail from all around the world, including the U.S., Australia, England, Zimbabwe, the Caribbean, Hong Kong, South Africa, and Canada. We'd tell you more about English, but you probably feel pretty comfortable with the language already. Let's just move on to the most popular language in the world. To say "hello" in English, say "What's up, freak?" (watz-UP-freek) . 1. Mandarin -- Number of speakers: 1 billion+ Surprise, surprise, the most widely spoken language on the planet is based in the most populated country on the planet, China. Beating second-place English by a 2 to 1 ratio, but don't let that lull you into thinking that Mandarin is easy to learn. Speaking Mandarin can be really tough, because each word can be pronounced in four ways (or "tones"), and a beginner will invariably have trouble distinguishing one tone from another. But if over a billion people could do it, so could you. Try saying hello! To say "hello" in Mandarin, say "Ni hao" (Nee HaOW). ("Hao" is pronounced as one syllable, but the tone requires that you let your voice drop midway, and then raise it again at the end.) =================END================ ==================== REFINED DEFINITIONS ==================== School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays. Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich. Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present... Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. Dictionary : A place where 'Success' comes before 'Work'. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on. Father: A banker provided by nature. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he's got caught. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills. Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth. Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions. Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead ===============END============= =========================== Laugh to heart's content ! =========================== Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have? Ted: $10. Teacher: You don't know Maths. Ted: You don't know my father! Mother: David, come here. David: Yes, mum. Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse. David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow. Mother: I know that, but I'm going Hong Kong tomorrow so I'm scolding you now. Father: Why did you fail your Mathematics Test? Son: On Monday, teacher said 3 + 5 = 8 Father: So? Son: On Tuesday, she said 4 + 4 = 8. On Wednesday, she said 6 + 2 = 8. If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer? Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Yes Dear. Girl: Would you die for me? Boy: No, mine is undying love Man: How old is your father? Boy: 1 year older then me Man: How can that be? Boy: He became a father only when I was born Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? Simon: No, teacher. It's the same dog! Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything! Son: That's why I say she's no good! Teacher: Where were you born? Student: Singapore , Sir. Teacher: Which part? Student: All of me, Sir. Teacher: How come you do not comb your hair? Ah Kow: No comb, Sir. Teacher: Use your dad's then. Ah Kow: No hair, Sir. A boy came home from school with his exam results. "What did you get?" asked his father. "My marks are under water," said the boy. "What do you mean 'under water'?" " They are all below 'C' (sea) level!" ===============END============== ==================== Obituary Of The Late Mr. Common Sense" ==================== Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well- intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. He declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Tylenol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense took a beating as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense lost the will to live when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the ghost, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone ===================END============== =========== Poor Man !! =========== God created Donkey and said to him. "You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass,you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years." The donkey answered: "I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years" God granted his wish. .............................................. God created the dog and said to him: "You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years. You will be a dog. " The dog answered: "Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years. " God granted his wish. .............................................. God created the monkey and said to him: "You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. " The monkey answered: "To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years." God granted his wish. .............................................. Finally God created man and said to him: "You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth. You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals. You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years." Man responded: "Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little,give me the 30 years that the donkey refused,the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused. " God granted man's wish .............................................. And since then, man lives 20 years as a man ,marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back. Then when his children are grown,he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him, so that when he is old,he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey,going from house to house and from one son or daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren. That's Life. Is'nt it ? =============END================ =========================== Funny Algebric Equations !! =========================== 1. SSC + HSC + B.Tech + MBA = UNEMPLOYMENT 2. An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com 3. One Chinese gymnast = India's Gold Medal tally since 1896 4. Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan 5. Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic park 6. 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = a 4 minute song in Hindi movie 7. Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality + own production company = Kajol 8. Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your wife's favorite serials 9. Amitabh Bachchan - Mrityudaata + Kaun Banega +Crorepati = SUPERSTAR 10. Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan +Talent = Abhishek Bachchan 11. Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan 12. 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda 13. 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan 14. 1 person + straight hair + un-straight walk = Sanjay Dutt 15. 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol 16. 1 engagement + 2 weddings + 3 wedding songs + 400 relatives + 1 house bigger than Buckingham Palace = One Sooraj Barjataya film 17.1 software engineer + No Work = 20 forwarded mails ... =========END============ ==================== Geography of a Woman ==================== Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas. Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash. Between 31 and 35 she is like India,very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France, Gently aging but still a warm and a desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia,lost the war - haunted by past mistakes.Massive reconstruction is now necessary. Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away. Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future. After 70, they become Afghanistan. Most everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there ============END=================== ================ LOVE IN MATHS !! ================ My Dear SweetHeart, Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane. There I saw you with our cute circular face, conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden. Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated. My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me. The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity. I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity. You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality. My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10. With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function. Truly Yours =============END============== ================== A Great Thief !!! ================= There once was a man who went to a computer trade show. Each day as he entered, the man told the guard at the door: "I am a great thief, renowned for my feats of shoplifting. Be forewarned, for this trade show shall not escape me unplundered." This speech disturbed the guard greatly, because there were millions of dollars of computer equipment inside, so he watched the man carefully. But the man merely wandered from booth to booth, humming quietly to himself. When the man left, the guard took him aside and searched his clothes, but nothing was to be found. On the next day of the trade show, the man returned and chided the guard, saying, "I escaped with a vast booty yesterday, but today will be even better. " So the guard watched him ever more closely, but to no avail. On the final day of the trade show, the guard could restrain his curiosity no longer. "Sir Thief," he said, "I am so perplexed, I cannot live in peace. Please enlighten me. What is it that you are stealing?" The man smiled. "I am stealing ideas," he said ================END============== ============================== T h e B e s t M o me n t s I n Li f e ============================== 1. Falling in love. 2. Laughing till your stomach hurts. 3. Enjoying a ride down the country side. 4. Listening to your favorite song on the radio. 5. Going to sleep listening to the rain pouring outside. 6. Getting out of the shower and wrapping yourself with a warm, fuzzy towel. 7. Passing your final exams with good grades. 8. Being a part of an interesting conversation. 9. Finding some money in some old pants. 10. Laughing at yourself. 11. Sharing a wonderful dinner with all your friends. 12. Laughing without a reason. 13. "Accidentally" hearing someone say somthing good about you. 14. Watching the sunset. 15. Listening to a song that reminds you of an important person in your life. 16. Receiving or giving your first kiss. 17. Feeling this buzz in your body when seeing this "special" someone. 18. Having a great time with your friends. 19. Seeing the one you love happy. 20. Wearing the shirt of a person you love and smelling his/her perfume. 21. Visiting an old friend of yours and remembering great memories. 22. Hearing someone telling you "I LOVE YOU" ============END=========== =============== Human Body,WOW! =============== Our heart beats around 100,000 times every day. Our blood is on a 60,000-mile journey. Our eyes can distinguish up to one million color surfaces and take in more information than the largest telescope known to man. Our lungs inhale over two million liters of air every day, without even thinking. They are large enough to cover a tennis court. Our hearing is so sensitive it can distinguish between hundreds of thousands of different sounds. Our sense of touch is more refined than any device ever created. Our brain is more complex than the most powerful computer and has over 100 billion nerve cells. We give birth to 100 billion red cells every day. When we touch something, we send a message to our brain at 124 mph. We have over 600 muscles. We exercise at least 30 muscles when we smile. We are about 70 percent water. We make one liter of saliva a day. Our nose is our personal air-conditioning system: it warms cold air, cools hot air and filters impurities. In one square inch of our hand we have 9 feet of blood vessels, 600 pain sensors, 9000 nerve endings, 36 heat sensors and 75 pressure sensors. ============END============== ===================== Hidden Meaning! =================== Today's Professional Management FUNDAS 1."We will do it" means "You will do it" 2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you" 3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same" 4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!" 5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do" 6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied" 7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later" 8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time" 9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time." 10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought" 11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me" 12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!" 13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is" 14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..." 15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed" 16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it" 17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble" ************ ==============END============= ================== Now It is This !!! ================== Once upon a time leadership mattered, now dealership rules the world. ********* Once upon a time quality was craftsman's pride, now it is a departmental mess. ********* Once upon a time mouse was an untouchable mammal, now it is handheld pest. ********* Once upon a time wisdom was cultivated by wise people, now it is flashed on T-shirts. ********* Once upon a time teacher tought and students learnt, now teacher trade and students consume. ********* Once upon a time population was a problem, now it is a flourishing mass market. ********* Once upon a time competition brought out the best, now it brings out the worst in people. ********* Once upon a time there was a golden rule, now if you have gold, you rule. ********* Once upon a time truth telling was good for your soul, now it is bad for promotion. ********* Once upon a time success meant living by ideals, now it is about using above all principles. ********* Once upon a time beauty was in the eye of the beholder, now it is booming business. ********* Once upon a time the government was clean and sex was dirty, now one doesn't know. ***************E N D ************** ======================= KEYBOARD SHORTCUTS ======================= Here are more then 100 keyboard shortcuts to pace up your work and Impress others CTRL+C (Copy) CTRL+X (Cut) CTRL+V (Paste) CTRL+Z (Undo) DELETE (Delete) SHIFT+DELETE (Delete the selected item permanently without placing the item in the Recycle Bin) CTRL while dragging an item (Copy the selected item) CTRL+SHIFT while dragging an item (Create a shortcut to the selected item) F2 key (Rename the selected item) CTRL+RIGHT ARROW (Move the insertion point to the beginning of the next word) CTRL+LEFT ARROW (Move the insertion point to the beginning of the previous word) CTRL+DOWN ARROW (Move the insertion point to the beginning of the next paragraph) CTRL+UP ARROW (Move the insertion point to the beginning of the previous paragraph) CTRL+SHIFT with any of the arrow keys (Highlight a block of text) SHIFT with any of the arrow keys (Select more than one item in a window or on the desktop, or select text in a document) CTRL+A (Select all) F3 key (Search for a file or a folder) ALT+ENTER (View the properties for the selected item) ALT+F4 (Close the active item, or quit the active program) ALT+ENTER (Display the properties of the selected object) ALT+SPACEBAR (Open the shortcut menu for the active window) CTRL+F4 (Close the active document in programs that enable you to have multiple documents open simultaneously) ALT+TAB (Switch between the open items) ALT+ESC (Cycle through items in the order that they had been opened) F6 key (Cycle through the screen elements in a window or on the desktop) F4 key (Display the Address bar list in My Computer or Windows Explorer) SHIFT+F10 (Display the shortcut menu for the selected item) ALT+SPACEBAR (Display the System menu for the active window) CTRL+ESC (Display the Start menu) ALT+Underlined letter in a menu name (Display the corresponding menu) Underlined letter in a command name on an open menu (Perform the corresponding command) F10 key (Activate the menu bar in the active program) RIGHT ARROW (Open the next menu to the right, or open a submenu) LEFT ARROW (Open the next menu to the left, or close a submenu) F5 key (Update the active window) BACKSPACE (View the folder one level up in My Computer or Windows Explorer) ESC (Cancel the current task) SHIFT when you insert a CD-ROM into the CD-ROM drive (Prevent the CD-ROM from automatically playing) Dialog Box Keyboard Shortcuts ----------------------------- CTRL+TAB (Move forward through the tabs) CTRL+SHIFT+TAB (Move backward through the tabs) TAB (Move forward through the options) SHIFT+TAB (Move backward through the options) ALT+Underlined letter (Perform the corresponding command or select the corresponding option) ENTER (Perform the command for the active option or button) SPACEBAR (Select or clear the check box if the active option is a check box) Arrow keys (Select a button if the active option is a group of option buttons) F1 key (Display Help) F4 key (Display the items in the active list) BACKSPACE (Open a folder one level up if a folder is selected in the Save As or Open dialog box) Microsoft Natural Keyboard Shortcuts ------------------------------------- Windows Logo (Display or hide the Start menu) Windows Logo+BREAK (Display the System Properties dialog box) Windows Logo+D (Display the desktop) Windows Logo+M (Minimize all of the windows) Windows Logo+SHIFT+M (Restore the minimized windows) Windows Logo+E (Open My Computer) Windows Logo+F (Search for a file or a folder) CTRL+Windows Logo+F (Search for computers) Windows Logo+F1 (Display Windows Help) Windows Logo+ L (Lock the keyboard) Windows Logo+R (Open the Run dialog box) Windows Logo+U (Open Utility Manager) Accessibility Keyboard Shortcuts -------------------------------- Right SHIFT for eight seconds (Switch FilterKeys either on or off) Left ALT+left SHIFT+PRINT SCREEN (Switch High Contrast either on or off) Left ALT+left SHIFT+NUM LOCK (Switch the MouseKeys either on or off) SHIFT five times (Switch the StickyKeys either on or off) NUM LOCK for five seconds (Switch the ToggleKeys either on or off) Windows Logo +U (Open Utility Manager) Windows Explorer Keyboard Shortcuts ----------------------------------- END (Display the bottom of the active window) HOME (Display the top of the active window) NUM LOCK+Asterisk sign (*) (Display all of the subfolders that are under the selected folder) NUM LOCK+Plus sign (+) (Display the contents of the selected folder) NUM LOCK+Minus sign (-) (Collapse the selected folder) LEFT ARROW (Collapse the current selection if it is expanded, or select the parent folder) RIGHT ARROW (Display the current selection if it is collapsed, or select the first subfolder) Shortcut Keys for Character Map ------------------------------- After you double-click a character on the grid of characters, you can move through the grid by using the keyboard shortcuts: RIGHT ARROW (Move to the right or to the beginning of the next line) LEFT ARROW (Move to the left or to the end of the previous line) UP ARROW (Move up one row) DOWN ARROW (Move down one row) PAGE UP (Move up one screen at a time) PAGE DOWN (Move down one screen at a time) HOME (Move to the beginning of the line) END (Move to the end of the line) CTRL+HOME (Move to the first character) CTRL+END (Move to the last character) SPACEBAR (Switch between Enlarged and Normal mode when a character is selected) Microsoft Management Console (MMC) Main Window Keyboard Shortcuts ---------------------------------------- CTRL+O (Open a saved console) CTRL+N (Open a new console) CTRL+S (Save the open console) CTRL+M (Add or remove a console item) CTRL+W (Open a new window) F5 key (Update the content of all console windows) ALT+SPACEBAR (Display the MMC window menu) ALT+F4 (Close the console) ALT+A (Display the Action menu) ALT+V (Display the View menu) ALT+F (Display the File menu) ALT+O (Display the Favorites menu) MMC Console Window Keyboard Shortcuts CTRL+P (Print the current page or active pane) ALT+Minus sign (-) (Display the window menu for the active console window) SHIFT+F10 (Display the Action shortcut menu for the selected item) F1 key (Open the Help topic, if any, for the selected item) F5 key (Update the content of all console windows) CTRL+F10 (Maximize the active console window) CTRL+F5 (Restore the active console window) ALT+ENTER (Display the Properties dialog box, if any, for the selected item) F2 key (Rename the selected item) CTRL+F4 (Close the active console window. When a console has only one console window, this shortcut closes the console) Remote Desktop Connection Navigation ------------------------------------ CTRL+ALT+END (Open the m*cro$oft Windows NT Security dialog box) ALT+PAGE UP (Switch between programs from left to right) ALT+PAGE DOWN (Switch between programs from right to left) ALT+INSERT (Cycle through the programs in most recently used order) ALT+HOME (Display the Start menu) CTRL+ALT+BREAK (Switch the client computer between a window and a full screen) ALT+DELETE (Display the Windows menu) CTRL+ALT+Minus sign (-) (Place a snapshot of the active window in the client on the Terminal server clipboard and provide the same functionality as pressing PRINT SCREEN on a local computer.) CTRL+ALT+Plus sign (+) (Place a snapshot of the entire client window area on the Terminal server clipboard and provide the same functionality as pressing ALT+PRINT SCREEN on a local computer.) Microsoft Internet Explorer Navigation ---------------------------------------- CTRL+B (Open the Organize Favorites dialog box) CTRL+E (Open the Search bar) CTRL+F (Start the Find utility) CTRL+H (Open the History bar) CTRL+I (Open the Favorites bar) CTRL+L (Open the Open dialog box) CTRL+N (Start another instance of the browser with the same Web address) CTRL+O (Open the Open dialog box, the same as CTRL+L) CTRL+P (Open the Print dialog box) CTRL+R (Update the current Web page) CTRL+W (Close the current window ==============END================= ============ What a MIND? =========================== Galileo : Great Mind Einstein : Genius Mind Newton : Extraordinary Mind Bill Gates : Brilliant Mind ME : Master Mind YOU : Never Mind =========END=============== ======================= Innocent Par Excellence ======================= 1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!" *********** 2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents." *********** 3) KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle." *********** 4) MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?" *********** 5) POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, She asked, "Are you a cop?" Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right? "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?" *********** 6) POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, My K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said," What'd he do?" *********** 7) ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!" *********** 8) DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning." *********** 9) DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting , then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he gooooes." *********** 10) SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother .. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!" *********** 11) BIBLE A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. ; ; "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear. " *********** ============END================= ======================= Have You Ever Wondered? ======================= Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin? Why can't women put on mascara with their mouths closed? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? When dog food is new and improved tasting,who tests it? Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress =================END================ ================================= HUMOROUS HRD NOTICE OF A COMPANY TO ALL EMPLOYEES ================================= [ A circular was found in one of the office notice boards ] Dear STAFF , Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm. 1) TRANSPORTATION : It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary. a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise. c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. 2) ANNUAL LEAVE : Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! said 1 employee). - They are called SUNDAYs. 3) LUNCH BREAK : a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill. 4) SICK DAYS : We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness. - If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. 5) TOILET USE : Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets. a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles. b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken. c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary. 6) SURGERY : As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. - You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. - To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. 7) INTERNET USAGE : All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges will be deducted from your salary. - Important Note : Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have 4MB connection. Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. ===============END============= ======================= State Cultures of India Dinesh Vora ======================== [1] GOANS One Goan is Remo Fernandes. Two Goans is a Feni distillery. Three Goans is a football club. Four Goans is an all-night-long beach party. [2] MALAYALEES One Malayalee is a narial-pani shop. Two Malayalees is a boat race. Three Malayalees is a Gulf job racket. Four Malayalees is an oil slick. [3] TAMILIANS One Tamilian is a fugitive sandalwood smuggler. Two Tamilians is a suicide-bomb squad. Three Tamilians is a classical music school. Four Tamilians is a Jayalalitha fan club. [4] ANDHRITES One Andhraite is a cycle-rickshaw driver. Two Andhraites is a spice shop. Three Andhraites is a Naxalite outfit. Four Andhraites is the Telugu film industry. [5] BENGALIS One Bengali is a rosagulla shop. Two Bengalis is a black-and-white movie. Three Bengalis is a Mohun Bagan support group. Four Bengalis is a Marxist movement. [6] RAJASTHANIS One Rajasthani is a cattle-seller. Two Rajasthanis is a mason. Three Rajasthanis is a puppet show. Four Rajasthanis is a folk dance-drama. [7] MANGALOREANS One Mangalorean is a supari seller. Two Mangaloreans can't stand one another. Three Mangaloreans is an Udupi restaurant. Four Mangaloreans is a fanatical Konkani Sabha. [8] BOMBAYITES One Bombayite is a hawker. Two Bombayites is a film industry. Three Bombayites is a slum. Four Bombayites is the rush-hour train crowd. [9] MAHARASHTRIANS One Maharashtrian is a bus conductor. Two Maharashtrians is a kabaddi match. Three Maharashtrians is a Ganpati procession. Four Maharashtrians is a Shiv Sena Shakha. [10] GUJARATIS One Gujarati is a share broker in a Mumbai train. Two Gujaratis is the total chatter in a Mumbai train. Three Gujaratis is a rummy game in a Mumbai train. Four Gujaratis is a dandiya-raas session all night long. [11] KUTCHIES One Kutchis is a kirana shop. Two Kutchis is a stationery shop. Three Kutchis is a saree shop. Four Kutchis is the entire Bombay retail trade. [12] SARDARJIS One Sardarji is a truck-driver. Two Sarda rjis is a roadside dhaba. Three Sardarjis is a raagi jatha for kirtan. Four Sardarjis are always found in jokes. [13] SINDHIS One Sindhi is a currency racket. Two Sindhis is a papad factory. Three Sindhis is a duplicate goods shop. Four Sindhis is big show-off parties [14] BIHARIS One Bihari is Laloo Prasad Yadav. Two Biharis is a booth-capturing squad. Three Biharis is a caste killing. Four Biharis is the total literate population of the state. [15] BHAIYYAS One Bhaiyya is a milkman. Two Bhaiyyas is a chanawala (or panipuri wala). Three Bhaiyyas is a temple-destruction squad. Four Bhaiyyas is a halwai shop. (And 12 Bhaiyyas is one SMALL family). [16] KASHMIRIS One Kashmiri is a boatman. Two Kashmiris is a carpet factory. Three Kashmiris is a tourist agency. Four Kashmiris is a terrorist outfit. [17] KANNADIGAS One Kannadiga is a coffee estate. Two Kannadigas is a Udupi restaurant. Three Kannadigas is a pepper powder factory. Four Kannadigas is an anti-Cauvery squad. [18] PUNJABIS One Punjabi is chhole-bathure 5 times a week. Two Punjabis is one bottle of whisky in one night. Three Punjabis is a public fist fight. Four Punjabis is 200 kg of excess weight. [19] PARSIS One Parsi is a sentence punctuated with BCs and MCs. Two Parsis is a doctor and a lawyer. Three Parsis is a 75 year old man and his two unmarried sisters. Four Parsis is half their remaining population !! ============================= ==================== Men vs. Women ==================== What is the difference between men and women? 1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. ******* 2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. ******* 3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want. ******* 4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. ******* 5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage. ******* 6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. ******* 7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. ******* 8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing! ******* 9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. ******* 10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance. ******* ================END=============== ============================ Why English Is So Difficult ============================ We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; But the plural of ox became oxen not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? Then one may be that, and three would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, And the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim. ================END================ ============ LOVE QUOTES ============ If music be the food of love, play on. - Shakespeare One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. - Rita Mae Brown Never judge someone by who they are in love with; judge them by their friends. People fall in love with the most appalling people. Take a cool, appraising glance at their pals. - Cynthia Heimel Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be. - Robert Browning Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties. - Jules Renard Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question. - Albert Camus (1913-1960) At the touch of Love every one becomes a poet. - Plato Love may not make the world go round, but I must admit that it makes the ride worthwhile. - Sean Connery Love doesn't grow on trees like apples in Eden - it's something you have to make. And you must use your imagination too. - Joyce Cary Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it. - Jerome K. Jerome To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. - Oscar Wilde One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him, or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until maybe you fall in love again. - Judith ==========END============== ======================== Why Drink Coconut Water? ======================== CocoWater is naturally: Low in Carbs 99% Fat Free Low in sugars Coconut Water contains organic compounds possessing healthy growth promoting properties that have been known to help: Keep the body cool and at the proper temperature Orally re-hydrate your body, it is an all natural isotonic beverage Carry nutrients and oxygen to cells Naturally replenish your body's fluids after exercising Raise your metabolism Promote weight loss Boost your immune system Detoxify and fight viruses Cleanse your digestive tract Control diabetes Aid your body in fighting viruses that cause the flu, herpes, and AIDS Balance your PH and reduce risk of cancer Treat kidney and urethral stones Boost poor circulation May 29,2007 ================================== ================================== What a marvellous way to define!!! ================================== School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays. Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich. Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelors degree and a woman gains her masters. Divorce: Future tense of Marriage. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. Father: A banker provided by nature. Criminal:A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes. Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills. Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions ============END============= =============================== THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF SUCCESS =============================== SPEAK TO PEOPLE - There is nothing as nice as cheerful greeting. SMILE - It takes 72 muscles to frown-only 14 to smile. CALL PEOPLE BY NAME - Everyone is pleased when u remember their name. BE FRIENDLY AND HELPFUL - And others will respond in like manner. SPEAK AND ACT - As if everything u do is a genuine pleasure. BE GENUINELY - Interested in people. BE GENEROUS - With praise cautious with criticism. BE CONSIDERATE - With the feeling of others,it will be appreciated. BE THOUGHTFUL - Of the opinions of others,listen them... BE WILLING - To give service,what counts most in life is what we do for others ===========END=============== ========================= A LOOK at WORLD ECONOMICS ========================= ---------------------- TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS: ---------------------- You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You retire on the income. ---------------------- ----------------- INDIAN ECONOMICS ----------------- You have two cows. You worship them. ------------------ PAKISTAN ECONOMICS ------------------ You don't have any cows. You claim that the Indian cows belong to you. You ask the US for financial aid, China for military aid, Britain for warplanes, Italy for machines, Germany for technology, France for submarines, Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs and Japan for equipment. You buy the cows with all this and claim of exploitation by the world ---------------------- --------------------- AMERICAN ECONOMICS --------------------- You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You profess surprise when the cow drops dead. You put the blame on some nation with cows & naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind. You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows. ------------------ ---------------- FRENCH ECONOMICS ---------------- You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. -------------------- ------------------ GERMAN ECONOMICS ------------------ You have two cows. You re-engineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves. -------------------- ------------------- BRITISH ECONOMICS ------------------ You have two cows. They are both mad. ------------------ ------------------- ITALIAN ECONOMICS ------------------ You have two cows. You don't know where they are. You break for lunch. ------------------ SWISS ECONOMICS ------------------ You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them. ---------------------------- ------------------ JAPANESE ECONOMICS ------------------ You have two cows. You re-design them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide. ----------------------- ------------------ CHINESE ECONOMICS ------------------ You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers. ------------------------- ----------------- RUSSIAN ECONOMICS ----------------- You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 17 cows. You give up counting and open another bottle of Vodka ==============END============ ===================== Roles in the Heaven: ===================== Brahma:Systems Installation Vishnu: Systems Administration & Support Lakshmi: Finance and Accounts consultant Saraswati: Training and Knowledge Management Shiva: DBA (Crash Specialist) Ganesh: Quality Assuarance & Documentation Narada: Data transfer Yama: Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant Chitragupta: IDP & Personal Records Apsaras: Downloadable Viruses Devas: Mainframe Programmers Surya: Solaris Administrator Rakshasas: In house Hackers Ravan: Internet Explorer WWWF Kumbhakarnan: Zombie Process Lakshman: Support Software and Backup Hanuman: Linux/s390 Vaali: MS Windows Sugreeva: DOS Jatayu: Firewall Dronacharya: System Programmer Vishwamitra: Sr. Manager Projects Shakuni: Annual appraisal & Promotion Valmiki: Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off document) Krishna: SDLC ( Sudarshan Wheel Development Life Cycle ) Dharmaraj Yudhishthira: ISO Consultant (CMM level 5) Arjun: Lead Programmer (all companies are vying for him) Abhimanyu: Trainee Programmer Draupadi: Motivation & Team building Bhima: MAINFRAME LEGACY SYSTEM Duryodhana: Microsoft product Written in VB Karna: Contract programmer Dhrutarashtra: Visual C++ Gandhari: Dreamweaver 100 Kauravas: Microsoft Service Packs and patches ======================== ================= The Simple Facts ================= 1. Did you know you share your birthday with at least 9 other million people in the world? 2. The electric chair was invented by a dentist. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites. 3. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. 4. Banging your head against a wall uses an average of 900 calories an hour. 5. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death. 6. The strongest muscle in the body is the TONGUE. 7. "I am ." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. 8. The longest word in the English language is 1909 letters long and it refers to a distinct part of DNA. 9. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. 10. Feb 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon. 11. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath. 12. Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day. 13. Every time you lick a stamp,you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie. 14. Cat's urine glows under a black light. 15. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors. 16. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. 17. Babies are born without knee caps.They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age. 18. Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously. 19. The most common name in the world is Mohammed. 20. The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns. 21. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined. 22. One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the 30's lobbied against hemp farmers they saw it as competition. 23. You know that you are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider. 24. Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older. 25. There are 2 credit cards for every person in the US. 26. The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan." 27. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. 28. If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. 29. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds,dogs only have about ten. 30. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. ================================= ============= Laws of Love ============== {1} Universal law of Love: " Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money " {2} First law of Love: " A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent (brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. " {3} Second law of Love: " The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance. " {4} Third law of Love: " The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping ===================== Some funny lines ===================== ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy ******** OFFICE ARITHMETIC Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime ******** SHOPPING MATH A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need. ******** GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. ******** HAPPINESS To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. ******** LONGEVITY Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die. ******** PROPENSITY TO CHANGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. ******** DISCUSSION T! ECHNIQUE A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. ******** HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. ******** SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT. ******** ================END============= ========================== Computer acronyms list Humorous Computer-Related Acronyms ========================== IBM I Blame Microsoft Idiots Buy Me Idiots Building Machines I'll Buy Macintoshes It Bit Me It Built Microsoft It's Better Manually I've Been Mislead I've Been Mugged WINDOWS Well, It Never Does Operate With Speed When I Need Data Output Without Speed While Idle, Needs DX or WorkStation Will Install Needless Data On Whole System WIN Whoppingly Immense NOP Worm Infestation Netware MS-WINDOWS NT / WINDOWS NT My Solitaire With Its New De- accelerator, Only With Some Network Technology Well Intended, Netword De-accelerator, Only Works Sometimes, Never Totally WINDOWS (as a) Network Trojan Different Operating Systems Expectations Macintosh: What You See Is What You Get MS-DOS: You Asked For It, You Got It UNIX: IfUHv2sk, UDntWnt2Kno VMS: You Got It, All Of It, Want It Or Not Random Abbreviations for Many Computer Companies APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit- Losing Entity DEC: Dump Everything and Close DEC: Do Expect Cuts HCL: Hilarious Computer Logic HP: Hot Pursuit IBM: I Blame Microsoft MAC: Most Absurd Computer MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers NEXT: Now EXchange for Trash OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too. WARP: What A Rot Program Acronymns for Other Computer Terms: AMIGA: A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction BASIC: Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language DOS: Defective Operating System ISDN: It Still Does Nothing LISP: Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms PENTIUM: Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics SCSI: System Can't See It WWW: World Wide Wait ============END============== ============== Three Things ============== .......... Three things in life that, once gone, never come back: Time Words Opportunity ------------------------- Three things in life that may never be lost Peace Hope Honesty -------------------------- Three things in life that are most valuable Love Self - Confidence Friends ------------------------- Three things in life that are never certain Dreams Success Fortune ------------------------- Three things that make a man/woman Hardwork Sincerity Commitment ------------------------- Three things in life that can destroy a man/woman Alcohol Pride Anger -------------------------- Three things in life that, once lost,hard to build-up Respect Trust Friends ------------------------- Three things in life that never fail True Love Determination Belief Feb.07,2007 ------------------------ ========== Oxymorons ========== Why is it that we park in driveways and drive on parkways? Act naturally Resident alien Genuine imitation Good grief Almost exactly Sanitary landfill Legally drunk Jumbo Shrimp American history Small crowd Soft rock Sweet sorrow "Now, then ..." Taped live Peace force Plastic glasses Tight slacks Pretty ugly Working vacation Found missing Advanced BASIC Same difference Alone together Silent scream Living dead Synthetic natural gas Passive aggression Clearly misunderstood Exact estimate =================== =================== What do they mean!? ==================== AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT Sign in a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD On a church door: THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.) Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales: THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW. Outside a photographers studio: OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO Outside a disco: SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish: DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER Notice in a dry cleaner's window: ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) Spotted in a toilet in a London office block: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW =============== ============== English Homonyms ================================================== · We must polish the Polish furniture. · He could lead if he would get the lead out. · The farm was used to produce produce. · The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. · The soldier decided to desert in the desert. · This was a good time to present the present. · A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. · When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. · I did not object to the object. · The insurance was invalid for the invalid. · The bandage was wound around the wound. · There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. · They were too close to the door to close it. · The buck does funny things when the does are present. · They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line. · To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. · The wind was too strong to wind the sail. · After a number of injections my jaw got number. · Upon seeing the tear in my clothes I shed a tear. · I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. · How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? ------------------------------------- ============================================================== Rhyming couplets [A local newspaper (in England) ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line... But the least romantic second line. Here are some of the entries they received.] ============================================================== ********* My feelings for you no words can tell, Except for maybe " go to hell" ********* Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head. ********* Oh loving beauty you float with grace If only you could hide your face ********* Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; This describes everything you are not ********* I want to feel your sweet embrace But don't take that paper bag off of your face ********* I love your smile, your face, and your eyes - Damn, I'm good at telling lies ! ********* I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I always wake up screaming ********* My love, you take my breath away. What have you stepped in to smell this way =============******============ ===================== Obituary of the late Mr. Common Sense ===================== Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 -year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing. 2/19/2007 =============END==================== ====================== Humor from Great Minds ====================== 1.As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two... -- Sir Norman Wisdom 2.One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money. -- Edgar Watson Howe 3.A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success! -- Doug Larson 4.A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie! -- Eric Bolton 5.When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. -- Erno Philips 6.I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. -- Robert Paul 7.We spend the first twelve months of our children's liv! es teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. -- Phyllis Diller 8.Laughter is the closest distance between two people. -- Victor Borge 9.Start every day with a smile and get it over with. -- W.C. Fields 10.Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. -- Will Rogers 11. Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. -- Mickey Rooney 12.Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison. -- Tim Allen 13. If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children...' - they leave skid marks. -- Rita Rudner 14.I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. -- Woody Allen 15.Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. -- Erica Jong 16. Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive. -- Elbert Hubbard 17.Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. -- Wendell Johnson 18.In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out. -- Joey Adams 19.I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me. -- Henry Youngman 20.Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born ? -- Benny Hill ======================================== ====================== Office Etiquette - Some Suggestions ====================== (Cellular) Mobile Phones ........................ Use your vibrating alarm feature. Taking a call in a restaurant is okay, but not if it is going to become involved. Excuse yourself and go where you won't disturb others. Watch your speaking volume. Folks tend to speak louder than is necessary on wireless phones. When in a meeting or even in a public place, it is best to have your voice mail set to receive your calls -- unless you are looking for an important call (Then you'd use your vibrating alarm). Never take a call at a public gathering such as a theater or a church. Get a "hands-free" kit for making and taking calls while driving. Stop the car to make calls if possible. ................ Office Etiquette Dos and Don'ts ................ ===Do====… Say good morning Say thank you Say please Be helpful Be friendly Be polite Seek help for anger problems Dress professionally Ask permission to enter a co-workers' space or cubicle Show appreciation Control your emotions Have a sense of humor Be courteous and show respect toward others Take responsibility for your mistakes Be helpful; ask if help is needed ===Don't===… Talk harshly Condescend Backstab Gossip Be rude to customers Bad mouth the company Bring your personal life to work Take long breaks or lunches Say it's not your job Interrupt others Have an office romance Use drugs or alcohol at work Wear provocative clothing Be a chronic complainer ===Taking Incoming Calls=== ----------------------------- Smile. It really shows through. Stand when you want to give your voice more energy. Always answer with the name of your company or business. If it's someone's office, you may use their name --Good morning. Mr. Smith's office. This is Mr. Jones. How may I direct your call? Never just say "Hello?" Try to answer before the third ring. Do not "fight back" with a rude or obnoxious caller. Your mission is to resolve any conflict peacefully. Speak distinctly. Rushing your speech, will make it harder for the listener to make out what your are saying. Transfer callers only if you are sure the person you are transferring them to can help them. Never transfer a caller without telling them you are transferring them. It is best to ask if you may transfer them. And always tell them to whom they are being transferred. If you must put the caller on hold, come back "at least" once a minute, preferrably every 30 seconds, to let the caller know what's happening. Offer to call them back so that they dont' have to wait 2/19/2007 ==============END========= ===================== The Road to Success ===================== The Road to success is not straight There is a curve called failure A loop called confusion Speed bumps called friends Red lights called enemies Caution lights called family You will have flats called jobs, But, if you have a spare called determination An engine called perseverance Insurance called faith A driver called God You will make it to a place called Success! ======================END======== ========== Oxymorons ========== Why is it that we park in driveways and drive on parkways? Act naturally Resident alien Genuine imitation Good grief Almost exactly Sanitary landfill Legally drunk Jumbo Shrimp American history Small crowd Soft rock Sweet sorrow "Now, then ..." Taped live Peace force Plastic glasses Tight slacks Pretty ugly Working vacation Found missing Advanced BASIC Same difference Alone together Silent scream Living dead Synthetic natural gas Passive aggression Clearly misunderstood Exact estimate =================== =================== What do they mean!? =================== AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT Sign in a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD On a church door: THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.) Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales: THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW. Outside a photographers studio: OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO Outside a disco: SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish: DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER Notice in a dry cleaner's window: ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) Spotted in a toilet in a London office block: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW =============== ============== English Homonyms · We must polish the Polish furniture. · He could lead if he would get the lead out. · The farm was used to produce produce. · The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. · The soldier decided to desert in the desert. · This was a good time to present the present. · A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. · When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. · I did not object to the object. · The insurance was invalid for the invalid. · The bandage was wound around the wound. · There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. · They were too close to the door to close it. · The buck does funny things when the does are present. · They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line. · To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. · The wind was too strong to wind the sail. · After a number of injections my jaw got number. · Upon seeing the tear in my clothes I shed a tear. · I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. · How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? -------------------------------------------------------- ============= Three Things ============= ============= 1. Three things in life that, once gone, never come back: Time Words Opportunity ------------------------- 2. Three things in life that may never be lost Peace Hope Honesty -------------------------- 3. Three things in life that are most valuable Love Self - Confidence Friends ------------------------- 4. Three things in life that are never certain Dreams Success Fortune ------------------------- Three things that make a man/woman Hardwork Sincerity Commitment ------------------------- 5. Three things in life that can destroy a man/woman Alcohol Pride Anger -------------------------- 6. Three things in life that, once lost,hard to build-up Respect Trust Friends ------------------------- 7. Three things in life that never fail True Love Determination Belief Feb.07,2007 =========================== =========================== ========================================= This is India i.e. Bharat i.e. Hindustan ======================================== 01 The first multipurpose project in India is Damodar Valley 02 The place in North East India which receives the highest annual rainfall is Chirrapunji 03 The largest Indian river flowing into the Arabian Sea is Narmada 04 Indian broadcasting was nationalised in 1930 05 The Indian forests are divided into how many regions Eight 06 The place where Indian Standard time coinsides with local time is Allahabad 07 The industry for which Vishakapatnam is famous for is Ship Building 08 The state which is the largest producer of iron ore in India is Karnataka 09 The longest railway platform in India measuring 836.63 mts. is located at Kharagpur 10 The Indian state which is largest exporter of cashewnut is Kerala 11 The main occupation of Indians is Agriculture 12 Nagarjuna Sagar dam is built across the River Krishna 13 Madras state was renamed as Tamilnadu in the year 1969 14 The main industry of Assam is Tea Industry 15 The Indian state which has maximum number of districts is Uttar pradesh 16 The length of Indian coastline is 7500 kms 17 The longest day in India is 21st June 18 The biggest museum in india is Indian Museum,Calcutta 19 The source of river Indus is Mount Kailash,Tibet 20 Kodaikanal, a famous holiday resort is located in Tamilnadu 21 Bangalore city is also called the Garden city 22 The only place in India where rock salt is found is in Mandi,Himachal Pradesh 23 The Gandhi Sagar dam is constructed across the river Chambal 24 The river that passes through the Thar desert is Sindhu 25 Nagoor,a place in Tamilnadu,is famous for Famous muslim shrine 26 The Hindustan Ship Yard is located at Vishakapatnam 27 The Indian state that tops in the production of cocoa is Kerala 28 The first major steel plant established in India was Tata Iron & Steel Co,Jamshedpur 29 Crude oil is found in south Gujarat at Ankleshwar 30 The first oil well drilled in India was at Naharpong in Assam 31 Calcutta is situated on the banks of river Hoogli 32 The largest opium growing state in India is Uttar Pradesh 33 Hindustan Antibiotics Ltd,India's largest manufacturer of penicillin is located at Pimpri 34 The former name of Arunachal Pradesh was NEFA 35 Khajuraho temples are located at Chattarput,M.P. 36 The Indian freedom fighter who turned into a famous spiritualist was Aurobindo Ghosh 37 The king who installed a `Chain of Justice' outside his place was Jehangir 38 The name of the mines in Rajasthas from where we get zinc is Zawar 39 Singereni in Andhra Pradesh is famous for Coal Mines 40 Amaravathi is located on the bank of river Krishna 41 Agra was founded in the year 1506 42 Ajmer was founded by Raja Ajay Dev Chauhan 43 The only Indian state where we find nickel ore is Orissa 44 The Udaygiri caves were built by Karavelu 45 The strength of Lok Sabha is 545 members 46 The National Museum of Natural History is located at New Delhi 48 The Indian Prime Minister who nationalised the banks was Mrs.Indira Gandhi 49 The birth date of Jawaharlal Nehru is 14th November 1889 50 The Environment protection Act came into effect in 1986 51 The capital city founded on the bank of river Gomathi is Lucknow 52 The president of the Indian National congress at its first session held in 1885 was Womesh Chandra Banerji 53 Bhaskara-II was a famous Mathematician 54 The Bhopal Gas leak incident occured in December 1984 55 The city that is called the city of golden Temple is Amritsar 56 Traveller Hawkins visited India in the year 1608 AD 57 Mahadevi Varma won the Jnanpith for her book titled Yama 58 The headquarters of Oil and Natural Gas Commission is located at Dehradun 59 `Satyartha Prakash'was written by Swami Dayananda Saraswati 60 Emperor Akbar's Revenue Minister was Todarmal 61 The elder brother of famous sitarist Ravishankar is Uday Shankar,dancer 62 The first batsman to score a century in each of his first three tests is Mohammed Azharuddin 63 The 10th Vice-President of India is Krishan Kant 64 The first Chief of Indian Navy was R.D.Katari 65 The longest road in India is the Grand Trunk Road 66 The first modern college in India is the Fort William college,Calcutta 67 The first purely Indian bank is the Punjab National Bank 68 Lalit Kala Academy of India is situated at New Delhi 69 The first Indian to win Oscar Award is Bhanu Athaiya 70 Goa was liberated in the year 1961 71 Sharda Act was enacted to prevent Child Marriage 72 National Science day is celebrated on 28th February 73 Jamnalal Bajaj Awards are given for Constructive work 74 Rabindranath Tagore give up his knighthood because of the tragic incident of Jallianwala Bagh massacre 75 The Chief minister of a state who was awarded the Bharat Ratna was M.G.Ramachandran 76 Baba Amte's real name is Muralidhar Devidas Amte 77 Mihirsen,India's famous long distance swimmer,was by profession An Advocate 78 Dr.Pramod Karan Sethi is famous for the Jaipur foot 79 Rabindranath Tagore was born at Jorasanko,Calcutta 80 The name of the school started by Rabindranath Tagore was Shanti Niketan 81 Neyveli Thermal Power Station is located in Tamil Nadu 82 The earlier name of Assam was Kamrup 83 Sir C.V.Raman was born at Thirunavannikaval 84 The Indian Academy of Science was founded by C.V.Raman 85 The Indian Academy of Science is located at Bangalore 86 All India Institute of Medical Science is located at New Delhi 87 Atomic Energy Commission is located at Mumbai 88 Cement Research Institute of India is located at Balabhgarh 89 Space Applications Centre is located at Ahmedabad 90 Jog falls is located at Jog,Karnataka 91 Jawaharlal Nehru died in the year 1964 92 Aurangzeb died in the year 1707 93 Khan Abdul Gaffar Khan died in the year Frontier Gandhi 94 Rabindranath Tagore died in the year 1941 95 Mahatma Gandhi died in the year 1948 96 Zakir Hussein died in the year 1969 97 Raja Ram Mohan Roy died in the year 1833 98 India's second Prime Minister was Gulzarilal Nanda 99 The first Law Minister of Independent India was Dr.B.R.Ambedkar 100 Jawaharlal Nehru's biography "With No Regrets"was written by Krishan Hathisingh 101 India's first test tube baby was born in June 1986 102 The leader whose death was announced in the Lok Sabha before his actual death was Jayaprakash Narayan 103 The Gold mines located in Andhra Pradesh are Ramagiri Gold Fields,Ananthapur district 104 The Homeguards were organised in India in the year 1962 105 Ankleshwar oil field is located in Gujarat 106 The Indian Prime Minister who wrote the book `Nature Cure'was Morarji Desai 107 Burma seperated from India in the year 1937 108 `Sea Bird'project is located at Karwar 109 The name of the artificial harbour along the west coast India is Kandla 110 The first medical college was established in India at Calcutta 111 Jawaharlal Nehru's mother's name was Swaroop Rani 112 The pin code was introduced in India in the year 1972 113 In his last years,Ambedkar converted to Buddhism 114 Gandhiji's mother's name was Putli Bai 115 Gandhiji was born on 2nd October 1869 116 Khushwant Singh is a famous Journalist 117 The film actor who became the chiefminister of Andhra Pradesh was N.T.Rama Rao 118 Satyajit Ray was awarded the Bharat Ratna in the year 1992 119 Central Research Institute is located at Kasauli 120 The movie Raja Harishchandra was released in the year 1913 121 The first Indian Prime Minister to resign from office was Morarji Desai 122 The largest railway bridge in India is Sone Bridge,Bihar 123 The largest dome in India is the Gol Gumbaz,Bijapur 124 Air Force Day is celebrated on October 8 125 Indian Military Academy is located at Dehradun 126 The postal department was set up in India in the year 1854 127 Army day is celebrated on 21st Century 128 Navy day is celebrated on 4th December 129 The national flower of India is Lotus 130 NABARD was established in the year 1982 131 Koradi Thermal power Station is located at Maharashtra 132 PTI stands for Press Trust of India 133 Rail Coach Factory is located at Kapurthala 134 The construction of India was adopted on 26-11-1949 135 The construction of India became effective on 26-1-1950 136 `Mrinalini'was written by Bankim chandra Chatterjee 137 Bhagat Singh was hanged in the year 1931 138 Sheik Abdulla was popularly known as Sher-e-Kashmir 139 Goa attained statehood on 30 May 1987 140 Gujarat attained statehood on 1 May 1960 141 Haryana attained statehood on 1 November 1966 142 The capital of Haryana is Chandigarh 143 Panipat is popularly known as Weaver City 144 Dal lake is located in Jammu and Kashmir 145 Madhya Pradesh attained statehood on November 1956 146 The capital of Madhya Pradesh is Bhopal 147 Manipur attained statehood on 21st January 1972 148 The capital of Manipur is Imphal 149 Meghalaya attained statehood on 21st January 1972 150 The capital of Meghalaya is Shillong 151 Meghalaya state was carved out of Assam 152 Mizoram attained statehood on 20th February 1987 153 The capital of Mizoram is Aizawl 154 Before attaining statehood,Mizoram was one of the districts of Assam 155 Nagaland attained statehood on 1 December 1963 156 The capital of Nagaland is Kohima 157 Orissa was earlier known as Kalinga 158 The capital of Orissa is Bhubaneshwar 159 The main airport of Orissa is located at Bhubaneshwar 160 Rajasthan attained statehood in the year 1958 161 The capital of Rajasthan is Jaipur 162 The capital of Sikkim is Gangtok 163 India's highest peak is the Kanchenjunga 164 Mount Abu, a famous hill station is located at Rajasthan 165 The main attraction of Mount Abu are the Dilwara Jain Temples 166 Hussain Sagar Lake is located at Hyderabad 167 The Samadhi of Gandhiji is known as Rajghat 168 The Samadhi of Gandhiji is located on the bank of river Yamuna 169 The largest state in India is Madhya Pradesh 170 The highest TV tower in India is located at New Delhi 171 The most literate state in India is Kerala 172 Golconda Fort is located near Hyderabad 173 Gateway of India is located at Mumbai 174 Buland Darwaza is located at Fatehpur Sikri 175 Badrinath is located at Uttar Pradesh 176 Elephanta Caves are located on an island near Mumbai 177 Ajanta caves are located near Aurangabad 178 Humayu's tomb is located at New Delhi 179 Jantar Mantar is located in New Delhi 180 Jantar Mantar is an Observatory 181 Jantar Mantar was constructed by Maharaja Jai Singh II 182 Mughal Gardens is located at New Delhi 183 Qutb-Minar is located at New Delhi 184 Rashtrapati Bhawan was built by Edwin Lutyens 185 The samadhi of Indira Gandhi is known as Shakti Sthal 186 The Tower of Victory is located at Chittoor 187 Victoria Memorial is located at Calcutta 188 The highest airfield of India is the Chushul airfield,Ladakh 189 The largest lake of India is the Wular lake,Kashmir 190 The largest Zoo of India is the Zoological Garden,Calcutta 191 The most populated state of India is Uttar Pradesh 192 Central Bureau of Investigation was formed in 1963 193 BSF stands for Border Security Force 194 ITBP stands for Indo-Tibetan Border Police 195 The actual name of Mother Teresa was Agnes Gonxha Bejaxhiu 196 A programme launched by Chandrababu Naidu,Chief minister of Andhra Pradesh, to clean the city of Hyderabad was named Janmabhoomi 197 Vajpayee Government was sworn in for the second time on 19 march, 1998 198 Miss World 1997 contest was held at Seychelles 199 The Miss World 1997 title was won by Diana Hayden 200 The Miss World 1996 Contest was held at Bangalore 201 Mother Teresa died on 5 September 1997 202 Bill Gates visited India in March 1997 203 The Carnatic volalist who won the Bharat Ratna Award was M.S.Subbulakshmi 204 The first musician to get the Bharat Ratna M.S.Subbulakshmi 205 Kerala attained statehood on 1st November 1956 206 Sahar airport is located at Mumbai 207 Dum Dum airport is located at Calcutta 208 The first ever railway train travelled from Bombay-Thane 209 The only Indian metro railway system is at Calcutta 210 Air India was formed in 1946 211 Indian Airlines was formed in 1953 212 Indira Gandhi airport is located at Delhi 213 Meenambakkam airport is located at Chennai 214 The Export-Import Bank of India is also known as EXIM Bank 215 The Navy Academy is located at Cochin 216 In 1983,Bharat Ratna was posthumously awarded to Acharya Vinoba Bhave 217 Mrs.Indira Gandhi was assassinated on 31-10-1984 218 Mr.Rajiv Gandhi was assassinated on 21-5-1991 219 The strength of Rajya Sabha is 250 220 The supreme commander of Army,Navy and Airforce is the President 221 The Chairman of the Lok Sabha is the Speaker 222 Pong dam is located in Punjab 223 The fastest train in India is the Shatabdi Express 224 The oldest refinery in India is the Digboi refinery 225 The largest refinery of India is the IOC Refinery at Koyah,Gujarat 226 The Bhakra dam is built across the River Sutlej 227 The first General Elections were held in India in the year 1952 228 The first engineering college established in India is the Thompson college,Roorkee 229 The first library established in India is the William Carey library,Serampore 230 The oldest english daily newspaper of India is The Times of India 231 The largest post office in India is the GPO,Mumbai 232 The largest prison in India is the Tihar Central Jail,Delhi 233 The first Indian state formed on linguistic basis after Independence was Andhra Pradesh 234 The largest cave temple in India is Ellora 235 The only diamond producing area in India is Panna Diamond Belt,M.P. 236 The biggest public sector bank in India is the State Bank of India 237 Reserve Bank of India was established in 1935 238 The oldest tree in India is the Monus Serrata at Joshimutt 239 The first Education Minister of free India was Maulana Abul Kalam Azad 240 Who is known as the Father of Indian industry Jamshedji Tata 241 Gandhiji was assassinated by Nathuram Godse 242 VDIS was launched on July 1, 1997 January 04,2006 ========================== ========================== Very Interesting theorems ========================== After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch. Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one. If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire. If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now. When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings. The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 6/20/2006 ===================================== ============== H U M O U R ============== How to kill a mosquito: Catch it alive,Tie its legs then make gudgudi in its stomach and when it laughs,Catch its mouth & pour a spoon of poisson ..... ----------------------------------- why do monkeys love banana.... - oops i am so sorry ........ - thats your personal matter! -------------------------------------------- MURGI USKE TEEN BACHCHO KE SAATH ROAD CROSS KAR RAHI THI ... ROAD CROSS KARNE KE BAAD BACHCHE NE BOLA MUMMY HUM PANCHO NE ROAD CROSS KAR LIYA............... AB BOLO 5 KAISE HUE...??? BOLO BOLO.... ITNA BHI NAHI SAMAJHTE ..... BOLO BOLO... BACHCHA HAI YAAR KUCH BHI BOL SAKTA..HAI.... --------------------------------------- ------------------------------------ It takes thousand workers 2 build a castle, Million soldiers 2 protect a Country, BUT just ONE man 2 make a Happy HOME! Lets say thaNks to Our Ramu. ----------------------------------- ---------------------------------- HAR KHUSI KO TERI TARAF MOD DENGE, TERE LIYE CHAND TARE TOD DENGE, TERE LIYE KHUSIYON KE DARVAAJE KHOL DENGE, 1 BAAR HAS KE TO DIKHA TERE SAARE DAAT TOD DENGE HA..HA..HA.. ------------------------------------------- --------------------------------- A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses wife instead: Im afraid he died last week. she explains. The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. I told you the wife replies, he died last week. The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts: IVE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING? Coz . . . he replied laughing, I just love hearing it. . . . --------------------------------------- --------------------------------- what a chicken will say when its been coocked with green chilli- "hum pe ye kisine hara rang dala.......maar dala .......maar dala" --------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- Thought 4 de day: kabhi hosla bhi azmana chahiye, bure waqt me muskurana bhi chahiye, chahe kitni bhi thand pade hafte me ek baar to nahana chahiye Gunghat Mein Tujhe Dekha To Deewanna Hua, Sangeet Ka Taraana Hua, Shamaa Ka Parwana Hua, Masti Ka mastaana Hua, Jaise Hi Gunghat Uthaya Is Duniya Se Ravana Hua ----------------------------------------- ----------------------------------- When i fall i need ur hand 2 hold me, when i win i need ur hand 2 pat me, when i lose i need ur hand 2 console me, In short.... YE HAATH MUJHE DE DE, THAKUR! ------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------- Bhagwan ke naam pe 1 patni dede... Apni nahi toh dusre ki dede... Bhagwan tujhe 1 kay badle3 dega Anurag ki tarah Prerna kay saath Aparna aur komolika free dega ---------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------- When I was born Devil said...Oh Shit!!! Another GOD!!!.. & When u were born devil said ...Oh Shit!!!!Competition...!!! .... -------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------- Jaise lohe ko loha kaatta hai,zehar ko zehar kaat ta hai, Heere ko heera kaat ta hai,Waise hiee ek din tumko kutta katega.... --------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------- If ur world is spining Round & Round..& Round....Ur heart is beating fast n fast n fast,do u think its LOVE? na Munna na its called high B/P... ---------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------ Last night I dreamt that I was walking with GOD & I told him that I have a friend Like U ...he smiled & said,Beta! Yeh sab Pichle Janam Ke paap hain. ------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------ Bakari chadhi pahad par , pani peene ko....... Bakari chadhi pahad par , pani peene ko......... pani mila nahin, bakari neeche ootar aayee wah! wah! wah! wah! --------------------------------------------- 9/5/2006 ============================================= Q:WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD? A 1:Its light, Nothing can travel faster than light A 2:It's the Thought; b'cos thought is so fast it comes instantly in your mind. A 3:Its Blink, you can blink and its hard to realize you blinked Foolman answers:Its Loose motion. Last night after dinner,I was lying in my bed and I got the worst stomach cramps,and before I could THINK,BLINK,TURN ON THE LIGHTS,it was over! ======================================= ================== ASTONISHING FACTS: ================== 1) LONGEST ENGLISH WORD: Praetertranssubstantiationalistically 2) BOOK WITHOUT LETTER 'e': GADFY, written by Earnest Wright in 1939 is a 50,000+ word book,which doesn't contain a single word with ' e' in it 3) WORD WITHOUT VOWEL: RHYTHM 4) BRAIN: Organ of body which has no sensation when cut. 5) CROCODILE: Only animal & reptile which sheds tear while eating. 6) No of Alphabets, which SOUND AS WORDS: 10. They are B Bee C Sea G Zee I Eye Q Queue R Are S Yes T Tea U You Y Why FASCINATING ANIMALS, BIRDS, TREES: ---------------------------------- 1) SNAILS have 14175 teeth laid along 135 rows on their tounge. 2) A BUTTERFLY has 12,000 eyes. 3) DOLPHINS sleep with 1 eye open. 4) A BLUE WHALE can eat as much as 3 tonnes of food everyday, but at the same time can live without food for 6 months. 5) The EARTH has over 12,00,000 species of animals, 3,00,000 species of plants & 1,00,000 other species. 6) The fierce DINOSAUR was TRYNOSAURS which has sixty long & sharp teeth, used to attack & eat other dinosaurs. 7) DIMETRODON was a mammal like REPTILE with a snail on its back. This acted as a radiator to cool the body of the animal. 8) CASSOWARY is one of the dangerous BIRD, that can kill a man or animal by tearing off with its dagger like claw. 9) The SWAN has over 25,000 feathers in its body. 10) OSTRICH eats pebbles to help digestion by grinding up the ingested food. 11) POLAR BEAR can look clumsy & slow but during chase on ice, can reach 25 miles / hr of speed. 12) KIWIS are the only birds, which hunt by sense of smell. 13) ELEPHANT teeth can weigh as much as 9 pounds. 14) OWL is the only bird, which can rotate its head to 270 degrees. WHAT ARE THEY: -------------- 1) If we say 'MUMMY', they come together & go apart when we say 'DADDY': LIPS 2) What goes up & never comes down: AGE 3) Patches over patches but no stitches: CABBAGE 4) What is that we cannot see, but is always before you: FUTURE 5) What goes up & down a hill, but never moves: ROAD 6) You can never wet it: SHADOW 7) What belongs to to You, but used by your friends more often you do: YOUR NAME IN 24 HOURS AVERAGE HUMAN: --------------------------- 1) HEART beats 1,03,689 times. 2) LUNGS respire 23,045 times. 3) BLOOD flows 16,80,000 miles. 4) NAILS grow 0.00007 inches 5) HAIR grows 0.01715 inches 6) Take 2.9 pounds WATER (including all liquids) 7) Take of 3.25 pounds FOOD. 8) Breathe 438 cubic feet AIR. 9) Lose 85.60, BODY TEMPERATURE. 10) Produce 1.43 pints SWEAT. 11) Speak 4,800 WORDS. 12) During SLEEP move 25.4 times. 7/11/2006 ============================================== ==================== Try Or don't Try ==================== If u r smart then try to answer the questions below or else dont try it 1. If all the nations in the world are in debt (I am not joking. even US has got debts), where did all the money go? (Weird) 2. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (To be given a thought) 3. What is the speed of darkness? (Absurd) 4. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (Very good thinking) 5. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (Who Knows?) 6. Can you cry under water? (Let me try) 7. Why do people say, "Youve been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day? (I think they meant something else) 8. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows) 9. Do fish ever get thirsty? (Let me ask and tell) 10. Can you get cornered in a round room? (By ones eyes) 11. What does OK actually mean? (OK, I don't know) 12. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (Tonight I will stay and watch) 13. What came first, the fruit or the color orange? (Seed) 14. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? (No comments) 15. What should one call a male ladybird? (No comments) 16. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot? (Can somebody help?) 17. Can you blow a balloon up under water? (Yes u can) 18. Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (Strange isn't it) 19. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be able to hear it? (Got to think scientifically) 20. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens? (I don't have a change to try) 21. Why is it called a TV set when there's only one? (Very nice) 22. I f a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? (This is nice) 23. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road? (Stupid, break the law) 8/4/2006 ===================================================== =========== Invitation =========== || ~Shree Khaa Naa Ya Peena Namaha~ || Mrs. and Mr. Sambhar Chatni Request the pleasure of the company of Mrs. & Mr. Idli On the occasion of the Marriage of their grandson, SADA DOSA ( Son of Mrs. & Mr. Masala Dosa) with PANI PURI (Daughter of Mrs. & Mr. Bhel Puri) on 10th January 2006, 12.00 a.m. at Dahi Wada Hall, Samosa Building, Cham Cham Road, Opposite Papad Theatre, Haldiram, Mumbai Rasgulla 400 000. Res. : "Nariyal ka Chatni", Paneer Rd. Chola Battura Avenue, Mumbai Dhokla 400 111. Tel. 91-22-25618241 email id: Stomach_upset@indigestion.com NO GIFTS PLEASE, ONLY PRESENTS. Best wishes from : Mr. Ghee roast dosa and Mrs. Dahi puri 6/10/2006 ================================== These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts of America, and are things attorneys actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters ,who had to suffer from the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ================================== ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Would you repeat the question? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: &! nbsp; Was this a male or a female? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law. 6/5/2006 ================= JUST READ THESE ================= 1) The night was dark, the moon was high, I stopped my car....u wondered why? I leant so close, u felt shy. I uttered those three words.... I ......la.......puncture !! 2) Friends r like mirrors, they r our reflection. You r damn lucky I look good !!!! 3) You = cute You = hot You = sweet You = intelligent You = amazing You = perfect Me = liar. 4) I have a confession to make, ever since I have known u, Its kinda hard for me to forget u. Every night u appear in my dreams, And I find my self shouting..... BHOOT !!! BHOOT !!! 5) I look at the stars, the stars r beautiful Then I look at you...... I ...... I ....... I rather look at the stars again. ***** 6) Look at the world as one big chocolate cake. It would never be complete without few sweets n nuts. Sweets like ME and nuts like YOU. 7) U r 100% beautiful, u r 100% lucky u r 100% sweet , u r 100% nice, and u r 100% stupid to believe these words 8) Good looking people r hard to find. That's why u don't ...... That's y u don't see me often. 9) A good speech should b like a women's skirt... Long enough to cover the subject, And short enough to create interest. 10) When u feel sad.... To cheer up just go to the mirror and say, "damn I am really sooo cute" u will overcome ur sadness. But don't make this a habit..... Coz liars go to hell !!!! 11) Jassi singh tells his gf, "come home tomorrow, no one will b at home." When she goes the next day to his home....... There was NO ONE at home. 12) What frustrates the sardarji when his wife delivers twins??? He wonders who is the father of the second child. 13) Your brain will be refreshed in the next five seconds..... 5...... 4....... 3....... 2....... 1........ LOADING..... ERROR: no brain detected. 14) WIFE : " I wish I was a newspaper, so I'd be in ur hands all day." HUSBAND : " I too wish that u were a newspaper, so I could have a new one everyday." 15) A SARDARJI is in the library , he bangs down a book and says :" too boring, too many characters and no story". LIBRARIAN says : oh! U r the one who took the phone directory away?? 16) God created ME to b ur friend. He picked ME out from all the REST coz he knows I am ....well one of the BEST. AHEM !! don't argue with God now 6/5/2006 ================END================== ============= Add one more Finished ==================================== Bengali One Bengali = poet. Two Bengalis = a film society. Three Bengalis = political party. Four Bengalis = two political parties. More than four Bengali's = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into Team. Bihari One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav. Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad. Three Biharis = caste killing. Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna. Punjabi One Punjabi =100 kg hulk named Pinky. Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky. Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds. Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one. Mallu One Mallu = coconut stall. Two Mallus = a boat race. Three Mallus = Gulf job racket. Four Mallus = oil slick. UP Bhaiyya One UP bhaiyya = a milkman. Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop. Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly. Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad. Gujju One Gujju = share-broker in a Bombay train. Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombay train. Three Gujjus = Bombay's noisiest restaurant. Four Gujjus = stock market scam. Andhraite One Andhraite = chili farmer. Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey. Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit. Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie. Kashmiri One Kashmiri = carpet salesman. Two Kashmiris = carpet factory. Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit. Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order. Tamil-Brahmin One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple. Two Tam-Brahms = maths tuition class. Three Tam-Brahms = queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m. Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara. Bombayite One Bombayite = footpath vada-pav stall. Two Bombayites = film studio. Three Bombayites = slum. Four Bombayites = the number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour. Sindhi One Sindhi = currency racket. Two Sindhis = papad factory. Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar. Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association. Marwari One Marwari = the neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator. Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta. Three Marwaris = finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis. Four Marwaris = threaten the Jews as a community. Haryanvi One Haryanavi = tube light Two Haryanavi = agriculture Three haryannavi= Lathi squad Four haryanavi = actually just one was 5/25/2006 ==================================== ================= This,then,is LIFE ===================================== God created the donkey And said to him. "You will be a donkey. You will work un-tryingly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass,you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years." The donkey answered: "I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years" God granted his wish. God created the dog and said to him: "You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years. You will be a dog. "The dog answered: "Sir, to live 30 years is too much, give me only 15 years. "God granted his wish. God created the monkey and said to him: "You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. "The monkey answered: "To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years." God granted his wish. Finally God created man And said to him: "You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth. You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals. You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years." Man responded: "Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give me the 30 years that the donkey refused,the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused. "God granted man's wish And since then, man lives 20 years as a man,Marries and spends 30 years like a donkey,working and carrying all the burdens on his back.Then when his children are grown, he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him,so that when he is old,he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey,going from house to house and from one son or daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren. That's Life. Isn't it? 5/25/2006 ===============END=============== ============== Fundamentals? Yes Boss !!! ===================================== OFFICE ARITHMETIC ------------------ Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime SHOPPING MATH A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need. GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS ------------------------------ A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife cans spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. ROMANCE MATHEMATICS ------------------- Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage HAPPINESS ----------- To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. LONGEVITY -------------- Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die. PROPENSITY TO CHANGE -------------------- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE -------------------- A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT. 5/25/2006 ================END==================== ======================= Okay,Enjoy and be happy =================================== ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- Reh Reh Kar Mujh Ko Ek Hi Khayal Ata Hay Woh Kambukht Na Janay Kon Say Sabun Say Nahata Hay ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- Remember me every day, every moment warna...... 1,2,3,4,5,6,7, 8,9,10,11,12,13, 14,15,16,17,18,19, 20,21,22,23,24,25,26, 27,28,29,30,31,32 ek ek kar ke saare DANT TORD DIYE JAEIN GAY..... heheheheh ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- life without u is impossible.. u r n my breath n blood.. i can't spend a sec without u.. 4 u left me i'll die.. 0oye hell0oo i m talking abt oxygen hahahaha....... ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- REPEAT THESE LINES ATLEAST 2 HOURS EVERYDAY AFTER NAMAZ OUTSIDE THE MOSQUE & U WILL B A MILLIONAIRE WITHIN FEW MONTHS "Allah k naam pay day day baba" ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- If u hide, i'll seek 4 u. If u r lost, i'll search 4 u. If u'll leave, i'll wait 4 u. If days take u away 4m me, i'll fight 4 u. But, if u stop sending msgs, i'll kill you. ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- This is the telephone terrorist team. While receiving this message a virus will be activated. This virus should have infected your mobile by now. Your mobile will be disabled, unless you are ugly. ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- Ap ki awaz KOYAL Jaisi,Aankhain HIRAN Jaisi,Chal MOR jaisi,Aadtain BANDAR Jaisi,Acha hota agar Koi 1 Aadat Bhi Insanon Wali Hoti ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon? Pupil: Moon... Teacher : Why? Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it. ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- maine lina se pyaar kiya lekin woh choti thi phir maine meena se pyaar kiya lekin woh moti thi uske baad maine tina se pyaar kiya lekin woh khoti thi.... ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- Rose,Lotus,Tulips,Sunflower all flowers are nice and sweet but they have no comparison with U bcoz Gobhi ke phool ki to baat hi alag hoti hai..... ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- Maine Kaha Dil-Ruba- Usne kaha Paise Dikha. Maine Kaha-Paise Nahi Usne kaha Kaise Nahi Maine Kaha Mehangayi Hai.. Usne Kaha-Ja Tu mera Bhai Hai.... ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- A drunk sardar fails from 3rd floor. People gather around & ask: "Sardar ji ki hoya?" He said"pata nahin main v hune aya haan"!!! ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- Look at the world as one big chocolate cake. It would never be complete without few sweets and nuts. Sweets like ME and nuts like YOU. ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- Friends r like mirrors they are our reflection you r **beep** lucky I look good !!!! ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- Chaand ko garoor hai ki uske paas noor hai, to kya hua.... Mujhe bhi garoor hai ki mera Dost Langoor hai ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- sharab samaj ka 1 dushman hai, Aoao milke kasam khaye, is dushman ko khatam karen gay. ek botal tum khatam karo, ek botal hum khatam karen gay... ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- Tu Chaand maange main Chaand de du, tu raat maange main raat de du, Tu dil maange main dil de du, Tu Jaan maange...... Abe bas Departmental Store samajh rakha hai kya??? ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- I want to share everything with u Your sadness, ur happy moments Every single second of the day Let?s start with Your bank account. ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- 1960's Girls: Pehla pehla pyar hai ankhon main bahar hai aja mere sajna tera intezar hai 2005's Girl: Phela pehla pyar hai ankhon main bahar hai aja mere sajna warna dosra tayyar hai.. ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- Kya aankheiN hain aapki, kya baatein hain aapki.. us khuda ne kuch aisa aapko bnaya hai... maano..."Shhhsss...KOI Hai" se bhoot nikal aaya hai.... ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- Exams ke 4 din pehle syllabus dekha to yaad aaya KUCH TO HUA HAI KUCH HO GAYA HAI, Exams ke din paper dekh kar yaad aaya SAB KUCH ALAG HAI SAB KUCH NAYA HAI ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- When i call you.. 1. Ringing means i m thinking u. 2. Ringing means i like u. 3. Ringing means i miss u. 4. Ringing means i need u. 5. Ringing means behray phone utha ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- Aaj ... Aaj...... Aaj Ek Sweater Aur Pehen Lo... Aaj Ek Razai Aur Odh Lo... . Aaj Ek Mufler Aur Lapet Lo... Aaj Do Moze Aur Pehen Lo... Aaj Ek Kehwa Aur Pii Lo... Aaj Ek Heater Aur Chala Lo... Kya Pata.... Kal Thand Ho Na Ho ! !! ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- You == cute You == hot You == sweet You == intelligent You == amazing You == perfect Me == a great liar. 5/24/2006 ==================================== ======================= New Wine In Old Bottle ABCD remains ======================= Preamble --------- A is for apple, and B is for boat, That used to be right, but now it won't float! Age before beauty is what we once said, But let's be a bit more realistic instead. --------- Now... ------ *************** The Alphabet *************** A's for arthritis; B's the bad back, C's the chest pains, perhaps car-d-iac? D is for dental decay and decline, E is for eyesight, can't read that top line! F is for fissures and fluid retention, G is for gas which I'd rather not mention. H is high blood pressure--I'd rather it low; I is for incisions with scars you can show. J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend, K is for knees that crack when they bend. L is for libido, what happened to sex? M is for memory, I forget what comes next. N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low; O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow! P is for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as new! Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu? R is for reflux, one meal turns to two. S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears, T is for Tinnitus; there's bells in my ears! U is for urinary; big troubles with flow; V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy," you know. W is for worry, NOW what's going 'round? X is for X ray, and what might be found. Y is another year I'm left here behind, Z is for zest that I still have-- in my mind. I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, And I am keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed 5/19/2006 ======================================== =========== ======================= More INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT India ================================== The name `India? is derived from the River Indus, the valleys around which were the home of the early settlers. The Aryan worshippers referred to the river Indus as the Sindhu. The Persian invaders converted it into Hindu. The name `Hindustan? combines Sindhu and Hindu and thus refers to the land of the Hindus. The number system was invented by India. Aryabhatta was the scientist who invented the digit zero. Sanskrit is considered as the mother of all higher languages. This is because it is the most precise, and therefore suitable language for computer software. ( a report in Forbes magazine, July 1987 ). Chess was invented in India. Algebra, Trigonometry and Calculus are studies which originated in India. The' place value system' and the 'decimal system' were developed in 100 BC in India. The first six Mogul Emperor's of India ruled in an unbroken succession from father to son for two hundred years, from 1526 to 1707. The World's First Granite Temple is the Brihadeswara temple at Tanjavur in Tamil Nadu. The shikhara is made from a single ' 80-tonne ' piece of granite. Also, this magnificient temple was built in just five years, (between 1004 AD and 1009 AD) during the reign of Rajaraja Chola India is.......the Largest democracy in the world, the 6th largest country in the world AND one of the most ancient and living civilizations (at least 10, 000 years old). The game of snakes & ladders was created by the 13th century poet saint Gyandev. It was originally called 'Mokshapat.' The ladders in the game represented virtues and the snakes indicated vices. The game was played with cowrie shells and dices. Later through time, the game underwent several modifications but the meaning is the same i.e good deeds take us to heaven and evil to a cycle of re-births. The world's highest cricket ground is in Chail, Himachal Pradesh. Built in 1893 after levelling a hilltop, this cricket pitch is 2444 meters above sea level. India has the most post offices in the world ! The largest employer in the world is the Indian railway system, employing over a million people !. The World's first university was established in Takshila in 700 BC. More than 10,500 students from all over the world studied more than 60 subjects. The University of Nalanda built in the 4th century was one of the greatest achievements of ancient India in the field of education. Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known to mankind. The father of medicine, Charaka, consolidated Ayurveda 2500 years ago. Although modern images & descriptions of India often show poverty, India was one of the richest countries till the time of British in the early 17th Century. Christopher Columbus was attracted by India's wealth and was looking for route to India when he discovered America by mistake. The art of Navigation & Navigating was born in the river Sindh 6000 over years ago. The very word 'Navigation' is derived from the Sanskrit word NAVGATIH. The word navy is also derived from the Sanskrit word 'Nou'. Bhaskaracharya rightly calculated the time taken by the earth to orbit the sun hundreds of years before the astronomer Smart. His calculations was - Time taken by earth to orbit the sun: ( 5th century ) 365.258756484 days. The value of "pi" was first calculated by the Indian Mathematician Budhayana, and he explained the concept of what is known as the Pythagorean Theorem. He discovered this in the 6th century, which was long before the European mathematicians. Algebra, trigonometry and calculus also orignated from India. Quadratic equations were used by Sridharacharya in the 11th century. The largest numbers the Greeks and the Romans used were 106 whereas Hindus used numbers as big as 10*53 ( i.e 10 to the power of 53 ) with specific names as early as 5000 B.C. during the Vedic period. Even today, the largest used number is Tera: 10*12( 10 to the power of 12 ). Until 1896, India was the only source for diamonds to the world. ( Source . Gemological Institute of America ) The Baily Bridge is the highest bridge in the world. It is located in the Ladakh valley between the Dras and Suru rivers in the Himalayan mountains. It was built by the Indian Army in August 1982. Sushruta is regarded as the father of surgery. Over 2600 years ago Sushrata & his team conducted complicated surgeries like cataract, artificial limbs, cesareans, fractures, urinary stones and also plastic surgery and brain surgeries. Usage of anesthesia was well known in ancient India medicine. Detailed knowledge of anatomy, embryology, digestion, metabolism, physiology, etiology, genetics and immunity is also found in many ancient Indian texts. Did you know ? India also celebrates the birthday of Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan, former President and Vice-President and great statesman, as "Teachers' Day". Born on September 5, 1888, at Tiruttani, 40 miles to the north-east of Madras, Radhakrishnan grew to become the most famous Indian teacher and philosopher of all times. In his honour, this day is celebrated as Teacher's Day. He was also the Vice-President of India from 1952-1962. He held the office of the Chancellor, University of Delhi, before taking over as the President of India in May 1962. "What makes a nation, is the past, what justifies one nation against others is the past", says the noted historian Eric Hobsbawm. Hence, when talking of a nation, it becomes very imperative that the past should also be talked about. And the past of India is as fascinating and interesting as it is momentous. Proud to be Indian ! Jai Hind ! 5/17/2006 ==================== There is logic here ==================================== 1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. 3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me! 4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. 5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. 6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. 7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me 8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. 10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing. 11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. 12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine. 13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many. 14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. 16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it! 18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up. 19.. Procrastinate Now! 20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That? 21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. 22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance 23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! 24..They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken. 25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead. 26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory. 27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. 28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music. 29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson. 30.. I smile! because ! I don't know what the hell is going on. 5/16/2006 ========== ========= raed tihs ============================ Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs. cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs psas it on !! Psas Ti ON ! 5/14/2006 ============================== A chinese and Steven Spielberg ======================================== = One day, a Chinese walked into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushed over to him, and asked for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gave him a slap and said, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get outta here". The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gave Spielberg a slap and said, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship". Shocked, Spielberg replied, "It was the iceberg that sank the Ship, not me". The Chinese replied, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same". 5/12/2006 ========================== ================= Humourous Shayari ============================== 1 Mere marne ke baad mere doston, yu aansoo na bahana, Agar meri yaad aaye to, sidhe upar chale aana!! 2 Aansun tera gire to ankhen mere ho, dil tera dhadke to dhadkan meri ho, bhagwan kare humari dosti itni gahre ho ki naukari tum karo aur salary meri ho 3 5)Itna khubsurat kaise muskura lete ho.. itna kaatil kaise sharma lete ho.. kitni aasani se jaan le lete ho.. kisine sikhaya hai ya bachpan se hi kamine ho!! 4 once galib was caught pissing on his ex-gf house he replied tere pyar main udas hun kuch is tarah ae galib ki aansun bhi badaltey hain rastey badal badal ke.. 5 Arz kiya hai Woh aayay humari kabr pay Woh aayay humari kabr pay Diya bujha gayay... Diyay main jo tel tha sar pay laga gayay...... 6 Jis waqt khuda ne tumhe banaya hoga, ek saroor sa uske dil pe chaya hoga... pehle socha hoga tujhe jannat mein rakh lun.. phir usse zoo ka khayal aaya hoga!!! 7 Mein Tumhare Liye Sab Kuch Karta..Magar Mujhe Kaam Tha...... Mein Tumhare Liye Doob Ke Marta...Magar Mujhe Zukham Tha ============================= Improve English Interestingly ============================================= The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl. 5/4/2006 ======================================== ========================== You may explain in plain ! ======================================== 1.If all the nations in the world are in debt(am not joking. even US has got debts), where did all the money go? (weird) 2.When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be given a thought) 3.What is the speed of darkness? (absurd) 4.If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good thinking) 5.Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows) 6.Can you cry under water? (let me try) 7.Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day? (i think they meant something else) 8.Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows) 9.Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell) 10.Can you get cornered in a round room? (by ones eyes) 12.Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight i will stay and watch) 13.What came first, the fruit or the color orange? (seed) 14.If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? (No comments) 15.What should one call a male ladybird? (No comments) 16.If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot? (can somebody help ) 17.Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can) 18.Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange isn't it) 19.If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be ! able to hear it? (got to think scientifically) 20.If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens? 21.Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? (very nice) 22.If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? (this is nice) 23.Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road? (stupid, break the law) 24. If drink & drive is not allowed why the hell they have parking in Bars ? ( Good Question). 5/4/2006 ================END====================== ================== Only in one word ! ===================================== * Is there another word for synonym? * One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. * The older you get, the better you realize you were. * To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated,but not be able to say it. * Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? * If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? * Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. ==================================== =========== GOOD JOKES ========================================== Teacher to Sardar " Where were U born? Sardar : In Tiruvanantapuram. Teacher : Spell it? Sardar : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA. ============================================= Santa : People consider me as a "GOD" Banta : How do you know?? Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have come again.. ================================================== Sardar complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house. Police : How the theif did not take TV??? Sardar : I was watching TV na.... =================================================== Thought for the Day!!! If you call your mother as MUM.. What will you call Mother's younger sis and elder sis? Answer : MINIMUM & MAXIMUM ==================================================== Tihar Jail ordered 999 Shirts and 1000 Pants for its inmates. Tell why this odd combination? Answer : Bcos SALMAN KHAN is coming and He hardly wear SHIRTs!!! ================================================= Do you know the similarity between "Dinasaurs" & "Decent Girls" Answer: Both dont exist on earth !!! ================================================= When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake? Answer : On their Wedding !! ================================================= Whats the height of Intelligence? Answer : A 99 year old Sardar going for HUTCH ka naya lifetime scheme ... ======================================= ============================ W H Y ? W H Y ? W H Y ??? ======================================= Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak? Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"? If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner,then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?" Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? And a FAVOURITE,DARLIG ONE...... The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you 4/21/2006 ========================================== ========================== New Rules For The Office - Effective Immediately! ========================= SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. DRESS CODE: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. VACATION DAYS: All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25 BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough. OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement. RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A will go from8 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. LUNCH BREAK: Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balance meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast & take a diet pill. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience 4/21/2006 ===================================== ============= SUPERSTITION ===================================== Do not place shoes upon a table, for this will bring bad luck for the day, cause trouble with your mate and you might even lose your job as a result. ********************************** If you drop scissors, it means your lover is being unfaithful to you. ********************************** Salty soup is a sign that the cook is in love. ********************************** It's bad luck to leave shoes upside down. ********************************** A swan's feather, sewed into the husband's pillow, will ensure fidelity. ********************************** If a woman sees a robin flying overhead on Valentine's Day, it means she will marry a sailor. If she sees a sparrow, she will marry a poor man and be very happy. If she sees a goldfinch, she will marry a millionaire. ********************************** It's bad luck to open an umbrella inside the house, especially if you put it over your head. ********************************** A bride?s veil protects her from evil spirits who are jealous of happy people. ********************************** Two people pull apart the dried breastbone of a chicken or turkey until it cracks and breaks, each one making a wish while doing so. The person who gets the long half of the wishbone will have his or her wish come true ==========END====================== =================== Chanakya Quotes =================== "A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and Honest people are screwed first." ************************************ "Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous." ************************************ "The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. ! It will destroy you." ************************************ "There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth." ************************************** "Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful.Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead." **************************************** "As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it." **************************************** "The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman." ***************************************** "Once you start a working on something, don't be afraid of failure and don't abandon it.People who work sincerely are the happiest." ******************************************** "The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind.But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction." ****************************************** "Whores don't live in company of poor men, citizens never support a weak company and birds don't build nests on a tree that doesn't bear fruits." ***************************************** "God is not present in idols. Your feelings are your god. The soul is your temple." ****************************************** "A man is great by deeds, not by birth." ****************************************** "Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status.Such friendships will never give you any happiness." ***************************************** "Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends." ******************************************** "Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person." ******************************************* "Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere. Education beats the beauty and the youth." *************END**************************** ================== Lessons of Failure ===================================== Failure doesn' mean I'm a failure; It does mean I have not yet succeeded. Failure doesn't mean I've accomplished nothing; It does mean I've learned something. Failure doesn't mean I've been a fool; It does mean I'd enough faith to experiment. Failure doesn't mean I've disgraced; It does mean I've dared to try. Failure doesn't mean I don't have it; It does mean I've something to do in a different way. Failure doesn't mean I'm inferior; It does mean I ain't perfect. Failure doesn't mean I've wasted my life; It does mean that I've an excuse to start over. Failure doesn't mean that I should give up; It does mean that I should try harder. Failure doesn't mean that I'll never make it; It does mean that I need more practice. Failure doesn't mean that you've abandoned me; It does mean that you must have a better idea. *May Allah Almighty help u succeed! **Marriam Awan** 4/9/2006 ===================================== ================= LOVE VS MARRIAGE ================= LOVE is holding hands in the street, MARRIAGE is holding arguments in the street. LOVE is dinner for two in your favourite restaurant,MARRIAGE is a take home packet. LOVE is cuddling on a sofa, MARRIAGE is one of them sleeping on a sofa. LOVE is talking about having children, MARRIAGE is talking about getting away from children. LOVE is going to bed early, MARRIAGE is going to sleep early. LOVE is a romantic drive, MARRIAGE is a drive on a topsy turvy tarmac. LOVE is whispering sweet nothings in the ear, MARRIAGE is sweet nothing in the bank. TV has no place in LOVE. MARRIAGE is a fight for the remote control. LOVE is one drink n two straws, MARRIAGE is "Don't you think you have had enough 4/11/2006 ======================================== ======================= Never Never Again !!!!! =========================================== On Wednesday, April 5, 2006, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 AM in the morning, the time and date was read 01:02:03 04/05/06 This will never happen again ============================================ ========================== THIS IS B_O_M_B_A_Y ============================================== Bombay has no bombs and is a harbour not a bay. Churchgate has neither a church nor a gate. It is a railway station. There is no darkness in Andheri. Lalbaag is neither red nor a garden. No king ever stayed at Kings Circle. Nor did Queen Victoria stay at Victoria Terminus. Nor is there any princess at Princess street. Lower Parel is at the same level as Parel There are no marines or sailors at Marine Lines. The Mahalaxmi temple is at Haji Ali not at Mahalaxmi. Teen bati is a junction of 3 roads, not three lamps. Trams used to terminate at Kings circle not Dadar*Tram Terminus (Dadar T.T.). Breach Candy is not a sweetmeat market. Safed Pool has the dirtiest and blackest water. You cannot buy coal at Kolsa street. There are no Iron smiths at Lohar chawl. There are no pot makers at Kumbhar wada. Lokhandwala complex is not an Iron and steel market. Null bazaar does not sell Nal [taps]. You will not find ladyfingers at Bheendi Bazaar. Kalachowki does not have a black Police station. Hanging Gardens are not suspended. Mirchi Gully does not sell marachu [chillies]. Anjir [Figs] does not grow in Anjir Wadi, Sitafals do not grow in Sitafal Wadi, Fanas [Jackfruits] do not grow at Fanaswadi But it is true that you may get fleeced at Chor Bazaar!!! AAMCHI MUMBAI ============== A City where everything is possible. Especially the impossible. Where lovers first love and then marry, Where there is place for every Tom,Dick and Harry Where telephone bills make a person ill, Where a person cannot sleep without a pill. Where carbon-dioxide is more than oxygen, Where the road is considered to be a dustbin, Where college canteens are full and classes empty, Where Adam teasing is also making an entry, Where a cycle reaches faster than a car, Where everyone thinks himself to be a star, Where sky scrapers overlook the slums, Where houses collapse as the monsoon comes, Where people first act and then think, Where there is more water in the pen than ink, Where the roads see-saw in monsoon, Where the beggars become rich soon, Where roads get a level upon minister's arrival. Where college admission means hard cash, Where cement is frequently mixed with ash. This is Mumbai, My dear! But don't fear, Just cheer, Come to Mumbai every year! ======= THINGS TO PROVE YOU'RE A BOMBAYITE. ==================== 1. You say "town " and expect everyone to know that*this means south of Churchgate. 2 You speak in a dialect of Hindi called 'Bambaiya Hindi', which only Bombayites can understand.* 3. Your door has more than three locks. 4. Rs 500 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag. 5. Train timings ( 9.27, 10.49 etc) are really important events of life. 6. You spend more time each month traveling than you spend at home. 7. You call an 8' x 10' clustered room a Hall. 8. You're paying Rs 10,000 for a 1 room flat, the size of walk-in closet and you think it's a "steal." 9. You have the following sets of friend: school friends, college friends, neighborhood friends, office friends and yes,train friends, a species unique only in Bombay. 10. Cabbies and bus conductors think you are from Mars if you call the roads by their Indian name, they are more familiar with Warden Road, Peddar Road, Altamount Road. 11. Stock market quotes are the only other thing*besides cricket which you follow passionately. 12. The first thing that you read in the Times of India is the "Bombay Times" supplement. 13. You take fashion seriously. You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you. 14. Hookers, beggars and the homeless are invisible. 15. You compare Bombay to New York's Manhattan instead of any other cities of India. 16. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn. 17. You insist on calling CST as VT, and Sahar and Santacruz airports instead of Chatrapati Shivaji International Airport. 18. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression. 19. Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes. 20. Being truly alone makes you nervous. 21. You love wading through knee deep mucky water in the monsoons, and actually call it: 'Romantic'. 22. Only in Bombay, you would get Chinese Dosa and Jain Chicken April 06,2006 ============================ Everyone needs this list to live by... pass it along!!! ============================ The destructive habit...........Worry The greatest Joy................Giving The greatest loss...............Loss of self-respect The most satisfying work........Helping others The ugliest personality t.......Selfishness The most endangered species.....Dedicated leaders Our greatest natural resource...Our youth The greatest "shot in the arm"...............Encouragement The greatest problem to overcome.............Fear The most effective sleeping pill...................Peace of mind The most crippling failure disease.................Excuses The most powerful force in life...................Love The most dangerous pariah.......A gossiper The world's most incredible computer.............The brain The worst thing to be without...................Hope The deadliest weapon............The tongue The two most power-filled words............."I Can" The greatest asset..............Faith The most worthless emotion.....Self-pity The most beautiful attire.......SMILE! The most prized possession..... Integrity The most powerful channel of communication........Prayer The most contagious spirit......Enthusiasm 3/28/2006 =============================================================== YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2006 when... ======================== 1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave. 2. You haven't play! ed solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three. 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses. 6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries. 7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen. 8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it . 10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee. 11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : ) 12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing. 13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message. 14.! You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list. 15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list. AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself. With Regards, Ansu Kumar 3/27/2006 ================================== ===================== The Path to Success Dinesh Vora.. ================================== The PATH To success is not......STRAIGHT There is a curve called.........FAILURE A loop called...................CONFUSION Speed bumps called..............FRIENDS Red lights called...............GRAVES Caution lights called............FAMILY You will have flats called......JOBS BUT If you have a spare called......DETERMINATON An engine called................PERSEVERANCE Insurance called................FAITH A driver called..................LORD ALMIGHTY AND You will make it to a place called................SUCCESS. ================================= ============================= Firsts in India... First British Governor General:.Warren Hastings First British Governor General of Independent India:. Lord Mountbatten First Chief Justice of India: Hiralal J Kania First Commander-in-Chief of Free India: General K M Cariappa First Chief of Air Staff: Air Marshal Sir Thomos Elmhirst First Indian Air Chief Air Marshal: S Mukherjee First Chief of Army Staff: General M Rajendra Singh First Chief of Naval Staff: Vice Admirial R D Katari First Cosmonaut: Sqn Ldr Rakesh Sharma First Field Marshal: SPFJ Manekshaw First Governor-General of Indian Union: C Rajagopalachari First Indian to get an Oscar: Bhanu Athaiya First Indian to reach the South Pole: Col I K Bajaj First Indian ICS Officer: Satyendra Nath Tagore First Indian Man to swim across the English Channel: Mihir Sen First Indian Woman to swim across the English Channel: Miss Arati Saha First Magsaysay Award Winner: Acharya Vinod Bhave First Nobel Prize Winner: Rabindra Nath Tagore First President of the Indian National Congress: W C Benerjee First Woman President of the Indian National Congress: Annie Besant First Prime Minister of India: Jawaharlal Nehru First Deputy Prime Minister of India: Vallabhbhai Patel First Talkie Film: Alam Ara (1931) First Woman Prime Minister: Indira Gandhi First Woman Central Minister Rajkumari Amrit Kaur First Woman Chief Minister of a State: Mrs Sucheta Kripalani First Woman Governor: Mrs Sarojini Naidu First Woman Minister: Mrs Vijayalakshmi Pandit(U.P) First Woman Speaker of a State Assembly: Mrs Shanno Devi First Woman Airline Pilot: Durga Banerjee First Woman to Win Asiad Gold: Kamlijit Sandhu First Woman Judge of Supreme Court: Meera Sahib Fatima Beevi First Woman IPS Officer: Kiran Bedi First Woman to Win Miss Universe Tile: Ms Susmita Sen First Woman to Win Noble Prize: Mother Teresa First Woman to become Miss World: Reita Faria ------------------------------- ================ ONE LINERS** ================ � When I was born, I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half. � Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people, and kill them. � Until I was 13, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.' � I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. � Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. � I've never been drunk, but often I've been over served. � The road to success is always under construction. � I say no to drugs -- they just don't listen! � Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce. � Work is fine if it doesn't take up too much of your time. � When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. � Born free; Taxed to death. � Everyone has a photographic memory; some people just don't have film. � Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first. � Smile -- it makes people wonder what you're up to. � I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork. � A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light. � The hardest part of skating is the ice. � The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot; the guy who invented the other three, he was the genius. � The trouble with being punctual is that there's no one there to appreciate it. � If our constitution allows us free speech, why are there phone bills? � If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure. � Beat the 5 O'clock rush: leave work at noon! � If you can't convince them, confuse them. � It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end. � I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. � Hot glass looks same as cold glass. (Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers) � The cigarette does the smoking - you are just the sucker **These were received in email =========================== ============================ ================== Read this n enjoy ================== # About his family : -------------- I have two daughters. Both of them are girls. # At the ground : ------------- All of you, stand in a straight circle. There is no wind in the balloon. The girl with the mirror please come here... {Meaning girl with specs). # To a boy, angrily : I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk ? # Giving a punishment : ------------------- You, rotate the ground four times... You, go and under-stand the tree... You three of you, stand together separately. Why are you late - say YES or NO ....(?) # Sir at his best : --------------- Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did not see them.So the next day at school... ( to that boy ) - "Yesterday , I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre" Inside the Class : ---------------- Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in. Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in. Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger half. Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away in the corridor You, meet me behind the class. (meaning AFTER the class .. ) Both of u three, get out of the class. Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today ... Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver..... Take 5 cm wire of any length.... Rohit Anand ================================ ========================= What if Accountants start producing movies????? ========================= 1. Munnabhai C.A. 2. Hamara Ledger Aapke Paas Hai 3. Kaho na Depreciation Hai 4. Journal Se Balance Sheet Tak 5. Kabhi Credit Kabhi Debit 6. Hum Tax de Chuke Sanam 7. Kya Yehi Credit Period Hai? 8. Main A/cs ki Diwani Hoon 9. Maine divide kiya 10. Maine divide kiyun kiya 11. Jab Jab Discount Mile 12. Petty Cash Apna Apna 13. Bill hai ke Pass hota nahin 14. Hum hai Accountant bekaar ke 15. Jo Tally hua wohi Trial Balance 16. Bus itna sa BYAZ (Intrest) hai 17. Tera 500 ka note Chal gaya 18. Dhai Akshar BYAZ ke 19. Tally 6.3 instal karke rakhna 20. Ab tumahare hawale pura account saathiyo 21. Balance sheet ki kasam 22. Kiyu Tally ho gaya na 23. Satte pe attha 24. Calculator sirf mere liye 25. Mujhe kuchh likhna hai 26. Solve karo to Cash lo. 27. Salary ke liye saala kuchh bhi karega 28. Accountant tune kya kiya 29. Rehna hai tally karke 30. Bill Vill Byaz Vyaz. Kind regards, Amol Agre 3/23/2006 ===================================== ======================== Statements by Statesmen ======================== "The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country. " "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." "One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is ' to be prepared '." "I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future. " " The future will be better tomorrow." " We're going to have the best educated American people in the world." " I stand by all the misstatements that I've made." "We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe We are a part of Europe." " Public speaking is very easy." "A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls." "We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur. " "For NASA, space is still a high priority." "Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children. " "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." " It's time for the human race to enter the solar system." 3/23/2006 ======================================= ============ INSULTS DINESH VORA ============================ [1] Fool Earth may stop Rotating, Birds may stop Flying, Candles may stop Melting, Fishes may stop Swimming, Heart may stop Beating, But your Brain will never start working! . . [2] Lunatic I've written nice poem 4 you. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.. you should Know What you R.. & Once you Know What you R.. Mental Hospital is not So Far.. [3] Dead Fool Why are Egyptian's Children always confused?? Coz after death, their DADDY becomes the MUMMY. [4] Mental My friend, the best quality that I like about u is that, U R very sentimental .... 10% Senti and 90% Mental..! [5] Animal Birds love you, monkeys love you, hippos love you, snakes love you, tortoise love you, giraffe loves you..... Please go back to ZOO, they all really miss you! [6] Tough Luck Sincere Apology: If u dont like any of my SMS n dont like 2 read, then plz dont hesitate, feel free to..... throw ur mobile!! [7] Doggone After engagement : Superman After Marriage : Gentleman After 10 years : Watchman After 20 years : Doberman [8] Joker Sorry 4 disturbing u. can u fax me ur photo, its very urgent, serious matter has comeup actually, we r playing cards and I lost the joker [9] Monkey What happened 2 ur network? I tried 2 call u but the operator said "Welcome 2 the jungle, the monkey u r trying to call is on the tree....Plz try later." [10] Brainless Scientists all over the world r wondering how long a human being can live without a brain... Kindly tell them ur age. ==================================== ====================================================== This poem was written by Mother Teresa and is engraved on the wall of her home for children in Calcutta. ====================================================== People are often unreasonable, illogical, & self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, People may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight: Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway. ========================================= ================ A little laugh! Not a Bad idea! ================================ Plan For Future: Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future? Ahmed : I want 2 b a pilot. James : I want 2 b a doctor. Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother. Asif : I want 2 help Deepa . ================================= Exams: Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS; 1,Too Many Questions. 2,Difficult to Understand. 3,More Explanation is Needed. 4,Result is always FAIL! ================================= Liar: A man is dying of Cancer. His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of AIDS?" Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom ================================= Delivered: Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED". ================================== Three Feelings: What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant. ================================== The Equation: 7 Glance = 1 Smile 7 Smile = 1 Meeting 7 Meeting = 1 Kiss 7 Kisses = 1 Proposal 7 Proposal = 1 Marriage - And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems. So beware of glance 1/27/2006 ===========END=================== ================= Spend reasonable time on Computer or else FACE THESE ================ 1. When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits. 2. When counting objects, 0,1,2,3,4, 5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D.. 3. At the superstore, you check to see if a kilogram is 1024 grams, a litre is 1024 mls. 4. When you dream, you are going to dream in 256 palettes of 256 colors. 5. When your wife says "If you don't turn off that damn machine and come to sleep, then I am going to divorce you!", you are going to scream at her for omitting the "else" clause. 6. You try to sleep, and think : sleep(8 * 60 * 60); /* sleep for 8 hours */ 7. When you are reading a book, you would look for the scroll bar to get to the next page. 8. If you want to call somebody you pick up the phone and start dialling an IP number... 9. You are going to look for an icon to double-click, to open your bedroom window. 10. When you go to balance your check book, you would discover that you'll be doing the math in octal. 11.You would look for a trash can icon to throw garbage. 12.When you get in the elevator you would double-click the button for the floor you want to go ==============END==================== ======================= This may be of interest English MICRO SOFT: Its DESI VERSION As viewed by me: Shah Pravinchandra Kasturchand ======================= Microsoft:naramottam Help:haath lambaao Window:pawanaagaman Help on Help:haath par haath lambaao File:kagaj-koTadee Find:praaptakaro Save:jeevandaan Find Again:dubaaraapraaptkaro Save as:jeevandaanreet Move:khisako Save All:sarv-jeevandaan Options:aur eestarah Send Mail:khatbhej Mail:khat Mailer:patrapreshak Run:dauDaao Print:mudrankitkaro Delete:kaaTDaalo Print Preview:mudraankit-poorvanirikshaN Paste:chiTakaado Clear all:safaachaT Clear:saaf-soofee home:mukaam Caps Lock:pehlee ABCD Tools:saranjaam Spread Sheet:chaddar uThaao End:kabrasthaan Exit:baaharee raastaa Jan,06,2006 ========================================== ===================== How to wish Christmas in 350 Languages ===================== Acholi - Mot ki Yomcwing Botwo Me Mwaka Manyen Adhola - Wafayo Chamo Mbaga & Bothi Oro Manyeni Aeka- Keremisi jai be Afrikaans - Geseende Kerfees en 'n gelukkige nuwe jaar Ahtna - C'ehwggelnen Dzaenh Aklanon - Malipayon nga Paskwa ag Mahigugmaon nga Bag-ong Dag-on Albanian - G뺵ar Krishlindjet Vitin e Ri! Aleut - Kamgan Ukudigaa Alsatian - E gueti Wﮢchte & E glecklichs Nej Johr! Alur - Wafoyo Kado Oro & Wafoyo Tundo Oro manyeni Alutiiq - Spraasnikam & Amlertut Kiaget! Amharic - Melkam Yelidet Beaal Amuesha - Yomprocha' ya' nataya Angami - U kenei Christmas mu teicie kes a-u sie teicie kesa-u sie niepete keluo shuzaie we Apache (Western) - Gozhqq Keshmish Arabic - I'D Miilad Said ous Sana Saida Aragonese - Nabid� & Goyosa Añ¡¤¡ benié®® Aramaic - Edo bri'cho o rish d'shato brich'to! Aran� - Bon Nadau! Arawak - Aba satho niw jari da'wisida bon Armenian - Shenoraavor Nor Dari yev Soorp Janunt Aromanian - Cr㣩unu h㲩osu shi unu anu n㵬 bunu! Araucanian - Wi tripantu in che Asturian - Bones Navidaes & Gayoleru anu nuevu! Assamese - Rongaali Bihur xubhessaa lobo Ata - Maroyan na Pasko woy kaopia-an ng Bag-ong Tuig kaniyo't langon mga sulod Aukan - Wi e winsi i wan bun nyun yali Aymara - Sooma Nawira-ra Azeri - Tezze Iliniz Yahsi Olsun Bafut - Mboni Chrismen & Mboni Alooyefee Bahasa/Malaysia - Selamat Hari Natal dan Tahun Baru Bamoun - Poket Kristmet & Poket lum mfe Banen - Enganda ye hiono mes & Hion Hios Hes Bandang - Mbung Mbung Krismie & Mbung Mbung Ngouh Suiie Basque - Zorionak eta Urte Berri On! Bassa - Ngand Nwi Lam & Mwi Lam Batak Karo - Mejuah-juah Ketuahen Natal Bemba - Kristu abe nenu muli ino nshiku nkulu ya Mwezi Belorussian - Winshuyu sa Svyatkami i z Novym godam! Bengali - Shuvo Baro Din - Shuvo Nabo Barsho Bhojpuri - Naya Sal Mubarak Ho Bicolano - Maugmang Capascuhan asin Masaganang Ba-gong Taon! Bislama - Mi wisim yufala eerywan one gutfala Krismas & mo wan hapi New Year long Blaan - Pye duh di kaut Kristo klu munt ug Felemi Fali! Blackfoot - I'Taamomohkatoyiiksistsikomi Bohemian/Czech - Prejeme Vam Vesele Vanoce a Stastny novy rok Brahui - Arkas caik xuda are Breton - Nedeleg laouen na bloav ezh mat Bulgarian - Chestita Koleda i Shtastliva Nova Godina Bulu - Duma e bo'o Bura - e be Zambe e Usa ma ka Kirisimassu Catalan - Bon Nadal i feli� �ny nou! Cantonese - Seng Dan Fai Lok, Sang Nian Fai Lok Carib - Sirito kypoton ra'a Carrier - Zoo dungwel & Soocho nohdzi doghel Carolinian - Ameseighil ubwutiiwel Layi Luugh me raagh fee Cebuano - Malipayong Pasko ug Bulahang Bag-ong Tuig! Chamorro - Filis Pasgua & Filis Anu Nuebo Chaha - Bogem h n mh m & Boxem as nana-h m Chamba - Wi na ge nyare Su dome Kirismass Cherokee - Danistayohihv & Aliheli'sdi Itse Udetiyvsadisv Cheyenne - Hoesenestotse & Aa'e Emona'e Chichewa - Moni Wa Chikondwelero Cha Kristmasi Chiga - Mwebare khuhika - Ha Noel Choctaw - Yukpa, Nitak Hollo Chito Cornish - Nadelik looan na looan blethen noweth Corsican - Bon Natale e Bon capu d' annu Cree - Mitho Makosi Kesikansi Creek - Afvcke Nettvcakorakko Creole/Seychelles - Bonn e Erez Ane Croatian - Sretan Bozic Dagbani - Ni ti Burunya Chou & Mi ti yuun Damara/Nama - Khiza Danish - Gl椥lig Jul og godt nytå² Dibabawon - Marayaw na Pasko aw Bag-ong Tui g kaniyo tibo na mga soon Dinka - Miet puou yan dhiedh Banyda tene Yin Dine/Navajo - Ya'at'eeh Keshmish Divehi - Ufaaveri aa ahareh Dschang - Chrismi a lekah Nguo Suieh Duri - Christmas-e- Shoma Mobarak Dutch - Vrolijk Kerstfeest en een Gelukkig Nieuwjaar! Egyptian - Colo sana wintom tiebeen English - Merry Christmas & Happy New Year Eritrean - Rehus-Beal-Ledeat Esperanto - Gajan Kristnaskon & Bonan Novjaron Estonian - R?aid J?p? Head uut aastat ɷ� � Blunya na wo Ewondo - Mbemde abog abyali nti! Mbembe Mbu! Faroese - Gledhilig j� �g eydnurikt n?! Fali - Use d'h Krismass Farsi - Sal-e no mubarak Fijian - Me Nomuni na marau ni siga ni sucu dei na yabaki vou Finnish - Hyv� Joulua or Hauskaa Joulua - 0nnellista uutta vuotta Flemish - Zalig Kerstfeest en Gelukkig nieuw jaar French - Joyeux No� et Bonne Ann饡 Frisian - Noflike Krystdagen en in protte Lok en Seine yn it Nije Jier! Friulian - Bon Nad� e Bon An Gn?ulfulde - Jabbama be salla Kirismati Gaddang - Mangamgam Bawa a dawun sikua diaw amin Galician - Bon Nadal e Bo Ani Novo Gari - !Soalokia God i gotu vasau, mi lao ke ba na rago vanigira ara dou i matana! Gciriku - Mfiyawidi yaKrisimisa & Marago ghaMwaka waUpe Georgian - Gilotsavt Krist'es Shobas & Gilosavt akhal ts'els German - Fr?che Weihnachten und ein gl?hes Neues Jahr! Gikuyu - Gia na Thigukuu njega Na MwakaM weru wi Gikeno Gitskan - Hisgusgitxwsim Ha'niisgats Christ gankl Ama Sii K'uuhl! Golin - Yesu kule nongwa kaun umaribe ongwa ena mone di mile wai wen milo Greek - Kala Christougenna Ki'eftihismenos O Kenourios Chronos Greenlandic - Juullimi Ukiortaassamilu Pilluarit Guahibo - Pexania Navidadmatacabi piginia pexaniapejanawai paxainaename Guambiano - Navidadwan Tabig tugagunrrigay & Sru pilawan kasrag utunrrigay Guarani - Avyaitete ahi ko Tupa ray arape qyrai Yy Kapyryin rira Guarayu - Imboeteipri tasecoi Tupa i vave! & Ivve ava Tupa rembiaisu toyuvirecoi turpi oyeaisusa pipe! Gujarati - Natal ni shub kaamnao & Saal Mubarak Gwere - Osusuku Omusa & Masuke Omwaka Gwich'in - Drin tsal zhit shoh ohlii & Drin Choo zhit zhoh ohlii Han - Drin tsul zhit sho ahlay & Drin Cho zhit sho ahlay Hausa - Barka da Kirsimatikuma Barka da Sabuwar Shekara! Hawaiian - Mele Kalikimaka & Hauoli Makahiki Hou Haya - Waihuka na Noeli & Waihhuka n 'Omwaka Hebrew - Mo'adim Lesimkha. Shanah Tova Heiban - Ati kalo gathje uwa gigih Herero- Okresmesa ombwa Ombura ombe ombwa Hiligaynon - Malipayon nga paskua & Malipayon Nga Bag-ong tuig Hindi - Shubh Naya Baras / Bada Din Mubarak Ho Holo - Seng-tan khoai-lok! Hmong - Nyob Zoo Xyoo Tahiab Hungarian - Kellemes karᣳonyi ?ket � Boldog ?t! Hungduan - Maphon au nitungawan. Apo Dios Kituwen baron di toon Iban - Selamat Ari Krismas enggau Taun Baru Ibanag - nga Pascua Icelandic - Gle𩬥g J� �g Farsaelt Komandi Ს Igbo - Ekelere m gi maka Keresimesi na ubochi izizi afo ozo Ikiribati - Te Mauri, Te Raoi ao Te Tabomoa nakoimi nte Kirimati ao te Ririki ae Bou Ilocano - Naimbag a Pascua ken Naragsac nga Baro nga Tawen! Imbongu - Gotenga malo Jisasi Karaist Indonesian - Selamat Hari Natal & Selamat Tahun Baru Inupiaq - Annaurri Aniruq & Paglaun Ukiutchiaq Inupiatun - Quvianaq Agaayuniqpak Iraqi - Idah Saidan Wa Sanah Jadidah Irish - Nollaig Shona Dhuit Iroquois - Ojenyunyat Sungwiyadeson homungradon nagwutut & Ojenyunyat osrasay Italian - Buon Natale e Felice Anno Nuovo Japanese - Shinnen omedeto. Kurisumasu Omedeto Javanese - Sugeng Natal lan warsa enggal Jè²²iais - Bouan Nou� �t Bouanne Anné¥ Kabyle - Assegwas ameggaz Kadazan - Kotobian Tadau Do Krimas om Toun Vagu Kahua - Na vagevageha surireua na Kirisimasi ma na harisi naoru Kala Lagaw Ya - Ngi ngayka Koei trimal Kaz Kambaata - eman haaro wegga illisholce Kamba - Ithiwa na Kisimsi Kiseo & Na Mwaka Mweu Museo Kannada - Hosa Varushada Subhasayagalu Karelian - Rastawanke Sinun, Uvven Vuvenke Sinun Kaqchiquel - Dios tik'ujie' avik'in Kashmiri - Christmas Id Mubarak Kawalib - Amirnar Krismas Gi Khasi - Krismas basuk & Snem thymmai basuk Kinyarwanda - Umunsi Mwiza Kirundi - Noeli Nziza & Umwaka Mwiza Kom - Isangle Krismen & Isangle beng i fue Konkoni - Khushal borit Natalam Korafe - Keremisi ewewa Korean - Sung Tan Chuk Ha Kosraean - Tok Tapeng & Engan ya sasu Koyukon - Denaahto' Hoolaank Dedzaanh Sodeelts'eeyh Krio - Appi Krismes en Appi Niu Yaa Kuanua - A Bona Lukara na Kinakava Kurdish - Seva piroz sahibe u sersala te piroz be Kwangali - Kerekemisa zongwa & Erago moMumvho gomupe Kyrghyz - JangI jIlIngIz guttuu bolsun! Ladin - Bon Nadel y Bon Ann Nuef Lakota - Wanikiya tonpi wowiyuskin & Omaka teca oiyokipi Lamns� � Kisheri ke Kisimen & Vijung ve kiya kefiyki Lango - Afoyo Chamo Mwake & Apoyo Mwaka Manyeni Latin - Pax hominibus bonae voluntatis Latvian - Prieci'gus Ziemsve'tkus un Laimi'gu Jauno Gadu!+ Lausitzian - Wjesole hody a strowe nowe leto Lebanese - Milad Saeed wa Sanaa Mubarakah Lithuanian - Linksmu Kaledu ir laimingu Nauju metu Livonian - Jovi talshpivdi un Vondzist uto aigasto Lower Tanana - Bet'oxdilt'ayi bedena' ch'exulanhde dranh ninoxudedhet Lozi - Kilisimasi ya nyakalalo & Silimo se sinca sa tabo Luganda - Amazalibwa Agesanyu & N'Omwaka Omujaa Ogwemirembe Luhya - Isuguku Indahi & Nu Muhiga Musha Luo - Sikuku Mar Higa Kod Mor & Mar Kiga Manyien Luritja - Wai! Nyuntu Larya? Luxembourgeois - Sch� Krë³£htdeeg an e Sché©®t N� Joer Macedonian - Srekan Bozik I Nova Godina Madura - Pada salamet sabhala bengko areja Makassar - Salama' Natal & Selamat Tahun baru Malagasy - Arahaba tratry ny Krismasy Mambwe - Kristu aye namwe umu nsikunkulu ino iya Mwezi Malayan - Selamat Hari Natal Malayalam - Christumas Mangalangalangal & Puthuvalsara Aashamsakal Maltese - Nixtieqlek Milied Tajjeb u Sena Tajba Mandarin - Kung His Hsin Nien bing Chu Shen Tan Mandobo - Mepiya Pagasaulog sa pagka-otawni Jesus aw maontong kaling Omay! Mangyan - Mayad paq Pasko kag Mansaka - Madyaw na Pasko aw malipayong Bag-ong Tuig kamayo, mga lumon Manx - Nollick ghennal as blein vie noa Maori - Kia orana e kia manuia rava i teia Kiritimeti e te Mataiti Ou Marathi - Shub Naya Varsh Margi - Use aga Kirismassi Marshallese - Monono ilo raaneoan Nejin & Jeramman ilo iio in ekaal Mataco-Mataguayo - Lesilatyaj ihi Dios ta i ppule ye, Letamsek ihi wichi ta Dios ikojejthi ta i honat e Maya/Yucateco - Utzul mank'inal Medlpa - Enim Mutuiyo! Meithei - Krismas Hlomum & Kumthar Lawmum Mingrelian - k'irses mugoxuamant & axal ts'anas mugoxuamant Mongolian - Zul saryn bolon shine ony mend devshuulye Mon駡sque - Festusu Natale e Bona ana noeva Moro - Nidli pred naborete nano Moru - Medu amiri ovuru Yesu opi amaro Muyu - Lip Ki amun aa Natal Kowe Naasioi - Tampara Kirisimaasi Naskapi - miywaaitaakun mikusaanor & kiyaa maamiyupiyaakw minuwaach pipuun Ndjem - Mbeya mbeya Ebiel & Mbeya mbeya mbu Ndogo - Esimano olyaKalunga gwokombandambanda! & Nombili kombanda yevi maantu e ya hokwa! Ndonga - Okrismesa iwa & Omude Mupe wa Punikwa Nepali - krist Yesu Ko Shuva Janma Utsav Ko Upalaxhma Hardik Shuva & Naya Barsa Ko harkik Shuvakamana Newari - Nhu Da Ya Vintuna Nii - Nim Ono Niuean - Monuina a Aho Kilisimasi mo e Tau Foou Norweigan/Nynorsk - Eg ynskjer hermed Dykk alle ein God Jul og Godt Nyttå² Norweigan/Bokm� - God Jul og Godt Nyttå² Notu/Ewage - Keremisi dave be Nyanja - Kristu akhale ndi inu munyengo ino ya Christmas Nyankore Mukhulukhe Omwaka Occitan - Polit nadal e bona annada Ojibwe (Chippewa) - Niibaa' anami'egiizhigad & Aabita Biboon Oneida - Wanto'wan amp; Hoyan Oriya - Sukhamaya christmass ebang khusibhara naba barsa Orokaiva - Keremisi javotoho Oromo - baga wagaa hara isinin gaye Palauan - Ungil Kurismas Pompangan - Malugud Pascu at saca Masayang Bayung Banua! Pangasinan - Maabig ya pasko & Maliket ya balon taon Papiamento - Bon Pasco i Feliz A� �obo Pashto - De Christmas akhtar de bakhtawar au newai kal de mubarak sha. Pennsylvania German - En frehlicher Grischtdaag unen hallich Nei Yaahr! Pohnpeian - Peren en Krismas & Peren en Parakapw Polish - Wesolych Swiat i Szczesliwego Nowego Roku. Portuguese - Boas Festas e um feliz Ano Novo Punjabi - Nave sal di mubaraka Pashto - Christmas Aao Ne-way Kaal Mo Mobarak Sha Q'anjob'al - chi woche swatx'ilal hak'ul yet yalji Komami' Quechua - Sumaj kausay kachun Navidad ch'sisipi & Mosoi Watapi sumaj kausay kachun Quiche' - Dioa kkje' awuk' Rapa-Nui - Mata-Ki-Te-Rangi & Te-Pito-O-Te-Henua Rarotongan - Kia akakakaia te Atua i runga i te rangi Teitei, e ei au to to teianei ao, e kia aroaia mai te tangata nei. Rengma - Anu keghi Christmas nu amapi kethighi wa salam pi nthu chupenle Rheto-Romance - Bella Festas daz Nadal ed in Ventiravel Onn Nov Romani - Bachtalo krecunu Thaj Bachtalo Nevo Bers Romanian - Craciun fericit si un An Nou fericit! Rongmei - Mei kathui nata neila mei Khrisrmas akhatni gai mei tingkum kathan tu-na arew we Roviana - Mami tataru Kirisimasi koa gamu doduru meke qetu qetu vuaheni vaqura ia Russian - Pozdrevlyayu s prazdnikom Rozhdestva i s Novim Godom Salar - YangI yilingiz gotlI bulsIn! Sambal - Maligayang Pasko at Masayang Ba-yon Taon! Sá© - Buorit Juovllat ja Buorre Oddajahki Saamia - Muwule Omwaka Enjaya Samoan - Ia manuia le Kilisimasi ma le tausaga fou Sango -Gloire na Nzapa na ndouzou aho kou� Na siriri na ndo sess� �a popo ti ajo so amou nguia na Lo. Santali - Raska nawa Serma Saramaccan - Nuan wan suti jai o! Sardinian - Bonu nadale e prosperu annu nou Scots Gaelic - Nollaig chridheil agus Bliadhna mhath ur! Secoya -Sihuanu'u Ejaerepa aide'ose'ere & Sihuana'u huaje ametecahue Semandang - Selemat gawai Natal Seneca - a:o'-e:sad yos-ha:-se:' Serbian - Sretan Bozic. Vesela Nova Godine Sicilian - Bon Natali e Prosperu Annu Novu ! Sinhala - Subha nath thalak Vewa. Subha Aluth Awrudhak Vewa Slavey - Teyatie Gonezu Soga - Mwisuka Sekukulu Songe - Kutandika kua Yesu kuibuwa! & Kipua kipia kibuwa! Sorani - Newroz le to Piroz be Sorbian - Wjesole hody a strowe Nowe leto. Somali - ciid wanaagsan iyo sanad cusub oo fiican. Sotho/North - Mahlatsi a Matswalo a Morena le Ngwaga o Moswa Sotho/South - Litakalerso Tse Monate Tsa Kere Semese Le Mahlohonolo a Selemo Se Secha Slovakian - Vesele Vianoce a stastny novy rok Slovene - Vesele bozicne praznike in srecno novo leto Sorbian - Wjesole hody a strowe Nowe leto Spanish - Feliz Navidad y Pró³°¥ro A� �uevo Sranan - Wan switi kresneti nanga wan bun nyun yari! Subanen - Piak Pasko Pu Piag Bago Tawn Sudanese - Wilujeng Natal Sareng Warsa Enggal Suena - Kerisimasi kokopai Surigaonon - Malipayon na pasko sanan bag-on tuig! Swahili - ?Krismas Njema Na Heri Za Mwaka Mpya? Swedish - God Jul och Gott Nytt Ų Tagalog - Maligayang Pasko at Manigong Bagong Taon Tahitian - Ia ora i te Noere e ia ora na i te matahiti 'api Tagakaulu - Madyaw Pagsalog sa Pagka-otaw ni Jesus & Aw mauntong na bago Umay! Tala Andig - Maayad ha pasko daw bag-ong tuig Tamazight - Asseggwas Ameggaz Tarifit - Asuggas Asa'di Tamil - Nathar Puthu Varuda Valthukkal Tanaina - Natukda Nuuphaa Tayal - Pqaquasta ta. Pquasta hentang na Jesu Telugu - Christmas Shubhakaankshalu & Nootana Samvatchara Subhakanshalu Thai - Suksan Wan Christmas lae Sawadee Pee Mai Tlingit - Xristos Khuwdziti kax sh kaxtoolxetl Tok Pisin - Meri Krismas & Hepi Nu Yia Tokelau - Ke whakamanuia te Kirihimahi & Tauhaga Fou fiafia Tonga - Kristo abe anduwe muciindo ca Christmas Tongan - Kilisimasi Fiefia & Ta'u fo'ou monu ia Toraja - Salama' Natal & Selama' taun baru Trukese - Neekirissimas annim oo iyer seefe feyiyeech! Tshiluba - Diledibua dilenga dia Mfumu - Tshidimu tshipia - tshipia th silenga Tswana - Keresemose o monate le masego a ngwaga o montsha Tubetube - Yayaliyaya Yesu sikabi kaiwena Tumbuka - Kristu wabe namwe munyengo ya Christmas Turkish - Noeliniz Ve Yeni Yiliniz Kutlu Olsun Tutchone/Northern - Ut'ohudinch'i Hulin Dzenu & Eyum nan ek'an nenatth'at danji te yesohuthin ch'e hadaatle sh'o Ukrainian - Veseloho Vam Rizdva i Shchastlyvoho Novoho Roku! Umbundu - Natale, Natale, Oyo O Natale & Eteke Lio Bowano, Illimo Ciwa Urdu - Naya Saal Mubarak Ho Uvean - Italo fa ide tau fou nei eseke Uyghur - YanghI yiling ahlqIs bolgey! Valencian - Bon Nadal i millor any nou Vespi - Rastvoidenke i Udenke Vodenke Vietnamese - Chuc Mung Giang Sinh - Chuc Mung Tan Nien Votian - Yvaa rashtagoa! & Yvaa uutta vootta! Waray-Waray - Maupay nga Pasko ngan Mainuswagon nga Bag-o nga Tuig! Warlpiri - Miri Kirijimiji & Nyuntunpa Ngurrju nyayirni yapa Welsh - Nadolig LLawen a Blwyddyn Newydd Dda Yup'ik/Central - Alussistuaqegcikici Yupik/Siberian - Quyanalghii Kuusma & Quyangalleq Nutaghamun Aymiqulleq Xhosa - Siniqwenelela Ikrisimesi EmnandI Nonyaka Omtsha Ozele Iintsikelelo Namathamsanqa Yiddish - Gute Vaynakhtn un a Gut Nay Yor Yoruba - E ku odun, e hu iye' dun! Zarma - Barka da Issa hay-yan hann & Barka da djiri barey-yan Zaza - Newroz'a tu Piroz be Zia - Kerisimasi wosewa Zime - El ma ka bar vra aso vei Lu & El ma ka kim na mireu Zulu - Sinifesela Ukhisimusi Omuhle Nonyaka Omusha =================E N D ======================= =================================== I don't have answers for these ! =================================== 1.If all the nations in the world are in debt(am not joking. even US has got debts), where did all the money go? (weird) 2.When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be given a thought) 3.What is the speed of darkness? (absurd) 4.If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good thinking) 5.Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows) 6.Can you cry under water? (let me try) 7.Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day? (i think they meant something else) 8.Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? God knows) 9.Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell) 10.Can you get cornered in a round room? (by ones eyes) 11.What does OK actually mean? (dont know) 12.Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight i will stay and watch) 13.What came first, the fruit or the color orange? (seed) 14.If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? (No comments) 15.What should one call a male ladybird? (No comments) 16.If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they rememberthat they forgot? (can somebody help ) 17.Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can) 18.Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange isnt it) 19.If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be able to hear it? (got to think scientifically) 20.If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens? (i dont have a change to try) 21.Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? (very nice) 22.If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? (this is nice) 23.Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road? (stupid, break the law) ===============End=================== ===================== Wonder Fool Full ===================== Archeologist: someone whose carreer lies in ruins. A real friend is someone who takes a winter vacation on a sun-drenched beach and does not send a card. (Farmer's Almanac) A real patriot is someone who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works. A relationship is like sand in your hand. If held loosely in the palm of your hand it stays there, but as soon as you close your hand tightly it slips through your fingers. A relationship is like that held tenderly with respect for the other person it last, but once you close your hand to hold on tightly it slips through your fingers. A religion that is small enough for us to understand would not be large enough for our needs. A retired husband is a wife's full time job. Are you fuel for your job or is your job fuel for you. (Prof. Preston Bottger) Are you living for the things you are praying for? (Austin Phelps) Are you wrinkled with burden? Come onto Church for a FAITH LIFT! A rich person is not the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least. A rookie cop was asked the following question on an examination: "How would you go about dispersing a crowd?" He answered: "Take up an offering. That does it every time." A rose can say I Love You. . . orchids can enthrall. . . but a weed bouquet in a chubby fist. . . OH MY that says it all! Artichokes are like humans: you have to go through so much to get to the heart. (Kathy Good) Art is work, to sell it is art. A rumor is as hard to unspread as butter. As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. A sad Texan once prayed, "Lord, I wish you would make it rain - not so much for me, I've seen it - but for my 7-year-old." As a man begins to live more seriously within; he begins to live more simply without. As a rule, Man's a fool. When it's hot, He wants it cool. And when it's cool, He wants it hot, Always wanting What is not. A scientist knows more & more about less & less till he knows everything about nothing while a philosopher knows less & less about more & more till he knows nothing about everything. A seafood diet is the best: whenever you see food, eat it. A seminar on time travel will be held in two weeks ago. A sharp tongue and a dull mind are usually found in the same head. A ship in harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. (John A. Shedd) A signature always reveals a man's character... and sometimes even his name. A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic. A single reason why you can do something is worth 100 reasons why you can't. A sinning man will stop praying. A praying man will stop sinning. As intelligence increases speach decreases. (Ali bin Abi Talib) As I said before, I never repeat myself. Ask a question and you're a fool for three minutes; do not ask a question and you're a fool for the rest of your life. (Chinese proverb) Asking the boss for a rise may not be patriotic, but it will help the government with the extra tax if it comes off. Ask yourself if what you are doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. As long as you don't forgive, who and whatever it is will occupy rent-free space in your mind. (Isabelle Holland) As long as you put in the work, you can own the dream. When the work stops, the dream disappears. (Jim Dietz) A smart husband buys his wife very fine china so she won't trust him to wash it. A smile is a curve that sets things straight. A smile is a fortune, but you can't sell it, you can't buy it and you can't steal it, but it isn't good to anyone until it is given away. A smile is the cheapest way to improve your looks, even if your teeth are crooked. A smile is the lighting system of the face, the cooling system of the head and the heating system of the heart. A smile on your face can be felt on anothers heart. (Rhonda Marlow) A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner. (English Proverb "As often as you eat this bread and drink this cup" (today) "you proclaim my death" (yesterday) "until I come again." (future) Aspire to inspire before you expire. A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar. (Benjamin Franklin) A stand can be made against invasion of an army; no stand can be made against invasion of an idea. A statesman shears the sheep. A politician skins them. A status symbol is a symbol, not status. A stone thrown at the right time is better than gold given at the wrong time. (Persian proverb) A student writes a letter via telegram to his Dad . . . It goes . . . no fun, send mon, your Son! Dad write back saying . . . so sad, too bad, your Dad! A sweater is usually put on a child when the parent feels chilly. A synonym is a word you use in place of one you can't spell. At age 20 we worry about what others think of us. At 40 we don't care what they think of us. At 60 we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all. (Ann Landers) A talent is formed in stillness, a character in the world's torrent. At a party, a woman walked up to Calvin Coolidge, 30th President of the United States, and said, "My husband bet me I couldn't get three words out of you." Coolidge replied, "You lose." A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops. (Henry Adams) A teacher asked her students if they could use the words 'defeat, defense, and detail' in a sentence. Little Johnny was a smartly, so he answered with, " De feet of de dog went over de fence before de tail." A teacher observed a boy entering the classroom with dirty hands. She stopped him and said, "Johnny, please wash your hands. My goodness, what would you say if I came into the room with hands like that?" With a smile the boy replied, "I think I'd be too polite to mention it." A teacher was winding up a discussion in her fourth grade class on the importance of curiosity. Teacher: "Where would we be today if no one had ever been curious?" Child: "In the Garden of Eden?" A tear shed can say more than a hundred words spoken. A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up. "Wow!" said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?" "Wrong number..." replied the girl. At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. (Ann Landers) A three year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right foot. She said: "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her with a raised brow and said:"Don't kid me, Mom. I know they're my feet." A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defense. A true friend reaches for your hand and touches your heart. A true friend walks in when the world walks out. A truth spoken before its time is dangerous. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is hell? Come early and listen to our choir practice. Attitude might not catch fish, but it helps when you don't. Attitude must be an art because it draws, and not a science because it can't be measured. A twofold national problem is how to preserve the wilderness in the country and get rid of the jungle in the cities. At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying. "Automatic" simply means that you can't repair it yourself. Autopsy is a dying practice. A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on. A vibration is a motion that can't make up its mind which way it wants to go. A weird thing about humans is we work till we're sick to get a fortune, then pay a fortune to get well again. A wife is a person who can look in the top drawer of a dresser and find a man's handkerchief that isn't there. A winner says, "There must be a better way to do it". A loser says, "This is the way it has always been done here". A wise enemy is still safer than a fool friend. A wise man among the ignorant is as a beautiful girl in the company of blind men. (Saadi, Persian poet) A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends. (Baltasar Gracian) A wise man may look ridiculous in the company of fools. (Thomas Fuller) A wise man sees as much as he should, not as much as he can. A wise person escapes temptation and leaves no forwarding address. A wise person has something to say, a fool has to say something. A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home." A 'wish' changes nothing. A 'decision' changes everything! A woman never shot a man while he was doing dishes. A woman's greatest power is her vulnerability. A woman's heart is like a campfire; if you don't tend it often the flame will go out. (Willie M. Lawrence) A word gets its meaning by the person who speaks it. A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success. A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God. A young boy about five or six years was talking on the telephone. As his dad listened on, the youngster told his grandparents dejectedly, "Mom is in the hospital, so the twins and Roxie, Billy, Sally, the dog, and me and Dad are all home alone." A young lawyer, just out of Law School, was pleading his first case in South Carolina. A train had killed twenty-four pigs, and the young attorney was trying to impress the jury with the magnitude of the injury. "Yes, Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, twenty-four pigs. Imagine, twenty-four pigs. Twice the number there are in the jury box." A young minister sitting down to dinner was about to say Grace when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had prepared from countless refrigerator leftovers. "I don't know," he said dubiously. "It seems to me that we've blessed all this stuff before." A young person knows the rules but the old person knows the exceptions. ==============END=================== ==================================== Very Interesting To READ AND RE_READ ==================================== Karl Marx's Mother: If Karl, instead of writing a lot about capital, had made a lot of it ... it would have been much better. Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too, can become great. (Mark Twain) Keep eye on many, but thoughts on one. Shake hands with many, but give your heart to one. Keep your head and your heart in the right direction and you will not have to worry about your feet. Keep your head in the clouds.. you're the first to know when it rains, and it's easier to see the silver lining. Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. (Benjamin Franklin) Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable. (Erma Bombeck) Killing time murders opportunities. Kindness: a language the deaf can hear, the blind can see, and the mute can speak. Kindness has converted more sinners, than zeal, eloquence or learning. (F. W. Faber) Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. (Mother Teresa) Kisses are like tears, the only real ones are the ones you can't hold back. Knowing is not enough; We must Apply. Willing is not enough; We must Do. (Goethe) Knowing what to say is not always necessary; just the presence of a caring friend can make a world of difference. (Sheri Curry) Knowing without doing is like plowing without sowing. Knowledge is of two kinds: we know a subject ourselves, or we know where we can find information upon it. (Samuel Johnson) Knowledge is that which is acquired by learning. Wisdom is knowing what to do with it? Knowledge of God can be fully given to man only in a Person, never in a doctrine. Faith is not the holding of correct doctrine, but personal fellowship with the living God. (William Temple 1881-1944) Knowledge speaks, wisdom listens. Language is the dress of thought. (Johnson) Last night I dreamed my life was done, and heaven's gates flung wide. And with kindly grace, an angel ushered me inside. And there stood those I'd shunned or judged unworthy or unclean. Indignant words rose to my lips, but never were set free, On every face showed stunned surprise: no one expected me. Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it! Laughter is like changing a baby's diaper. It doesn't permanently solve any problems, but it makes thing more acceptable for awhile. Laughter is the brush that sweeps away the cobwebs of the heart. Laughter is the jam on the toast of life; it adds flavour, keeps it from becoming too dry, and makes it easier to swallow. Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made. (Otto von Bismarck 1815-1898 German chancellor) Lawyer (n): Larval stage of Politician. Lazy ness is the only luxury that not even a millionaire can afford. Leaders help others to succeed. (Erin Templet) Leadership is an opportunity to serve. It is not a trumpet call to self importance. Leadership is the ability to get men to do what they don't want to do and like it. (Harry S. Truman) Learn from other people's mistakes, life isn't long enough to make them all yourself. Learn from the past Live for today Look for tomorrow Take a nap this afternoon Learning history is easy. Learning its lessons is almost impossible. Learning is forging a head. Thinking is foraging a head. Learn to listen, opportunity often knocks softly. Learn to say no. It will be of more use to you than to be able to read Latin. (Charles Haddon Spurgeon) Leave loved ones always with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. Let me give so much time to the improvement of myself that I shall have no time to criticize others. (Dean Cresham) Let nature take its course and hope it passes. Let our advance worrying become advance thinking and planning. (Sir Winston Churchill) Let perseverance be your engine and hope your fuel. (H. Jackson Brown Jr.) Lets face it, the world would be a boring place without oppressive governments. If we were free to do or say whatever we wanted, it wouldn't be exciting to do or say anything. (James Maverick Cook) Let us realize that the privilege to work is a gift, that power to work is a blessing, that love of work is success. (David O. McKay) Let us so live that when we die even the undertaker will be sorry. (Mark Twain) Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. (Soren Kierkegaard 1813-1855) Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you respond to it. Life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel. Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds you down or polishes you up, depends upon what you're made of. Life is an echo. What you send out - you get back. What you give - you get. Life is a roller coaster. You can either scream every time you hit a bump or you can throw your hands up in the air and enjoy it. Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all the time and have the time of your life. Life is fragile ... handle with prayer. Life is full of surprises. Just say "never" and you'll see. Life is hard, no one makes it out alive. Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know when you'll find a nut. Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents determinism; the way you play it is free will. (Jawaharlal Nehru) Life is like a game of tennis; the player who serves well seldom loses. Life is like a grammar lesson. You find the past perfect and the present tense. Life is like a ladder, the higher you climb, the more expansive your view is. (Taimi Megivern) Life is like a mirror, if you frown at it, it frowns back; if you smile, it returns the greeting. Life is like an onion. You peel it off layer by layer and sometimes you cry. Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end the faster it goes. Life is mostly froth and bubble; Two things stand like stone: Kindness in another's trouble, Courage in our own. Life is much like writing in ink : All you can do is read over your past and look forward to a blank page for your future that will soon be filled with words that can never be erased. (Gabe Suico) Life is not fair, but life is not fair for everyone. That makes life fair. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Life is really a bed of roses, others are just lucky to have friends to help them pick the thorns off. Life is so much simpler when you tell the truth. Life is the first gift, love is the second, and understanding the third. Life is too short to long for money. Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. (John Lennon) Life is what you have while you are waiting to have one. Life itself cannot give you joy unless you really will it. Life just gives you time and space. Its up to you to fill it. Life just gives you time & space; it's up to you to fill it. Life without you would be like a broken pencil... Pointless. (Rowan Atkinson) Like all great travelers, I have seen more than I remember; and I remember more than I have seen. Listening and hearing are two different senses. Listen or thy tongue will keep thee deaf. (American Indian Proverb) Little birdie in the sky, dropped a poopie in my eye I didn't scream, I didn't cry, But I thanked the Lord cows can't fly! Little differences - like a letter in a word - make all the difference in the world. Little Johnny's new baby brother was crying and screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd baby brother come from?" His mother replied, "Heaven, Johnny. He came from heaven." After listening to his baby brother's wailing for another few seconds Johnny shot back, "WOW! I can see why they threw him out" Live by what you trust, not by what you fear. Live each day as if it were your last, but learn from each day as if you will live forever. Live for God now and spend the rest of eternity in the non-smoking section. Live so that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. (Will Rogers) Live without pretending, Love without depending, Listen without defending, Speak without offending, Give without ending, Build without rending. (Nina Roberta Baker) Live your life from your heart. Share from your heart. And your story will touch and heal people's souls. (Melody Beattie) Live your own life, for you will die your own death Nature's laws are the invisible government of the earth. (Alfred Armand Montapert) Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. (Abraham Lincoln) Need some time to be alone, try washing the dishes! Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. (Benjamin Disraeli) Never argue with a stupid person. First they'll drag you down to their level, then they will beat you with experience. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic. Never confuse having a career with having a life. Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly. Never fear shadows... they simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby. Never interrupt your opponent while he is making a mistake (Napoleon Bonaparte) Never let a problem become an excuse! Never mistake motion with action. (Albert Einstein) Never overlook wallflower at dance; may be dandelion in grass. (Confucious) Never run from your fears. Because when they catch up to you you're too tired to fight. Never say anything unless it is kind, necessary and true. Never seek the wind in the field. It is useless to try and find what is gone. (Polish proverb) Never stand between a dog and a tree. Never take counsel of your fears. (Andrew Jackson) Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. (General George S. Patton, Jr) Never try to make anyone like yourself. You know, and God knows, that one of you is enough. (Ralph Waldo Emerson) Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Never wrestle with a pig. You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it. New and improved: if it's new it's not improved; if it's improved it's not new. New friends are silver, old friends are gold. Always make new friends but don't forget the old. Next to the originator of a good sentence is the first quoter of it. (Emerson) No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. (Fables Aesop) No amount of darkness can hide a spark of light. No answer is also an answer. Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it. (Tallulah Bankhead) Nobody is perfect.... I am Nobody!!! Nobody plans to fail, they just fail to plan. No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. (Aesop) No God - No Peace. Know God - Know Peace. No happy time is really gone, if it leaves a special memory. No horse goes as fast as the money you bet on him. No individual raindrop ever considers itself responsible for the flood. No God - No Love. Know God - Know Love. No life without the sun, no Life without the Son. No man ever injured his eyesight by looking on the bright side of things. No man ever repented on his deathbed of being a Christian. (Hannah Moore) No man is a failure who has friends. (Clarence) No man is rich enough to buy back his past. (Oscar Wilde) No man is too big to be kind...but many men are too little. (Matt Maguire) No man really becomes a fool until he stops asking questions. No matter how far you have gone on a wrong road, turn back. (Turkish proverb) No matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. No matter what happens Today. You must remember that...Today will be Tomorrow's past, and Tomorrow will be Today. (Patty Satjapot) No matter what you want to do, there's always something else that has to be done first. No moving parts, no batteries. No monthly payments and no fees. Inflation proof, non-taxable, in fact it's quite reliable. It can't be stolen, won't pollute, one size fits all, do not dilute. It uses little energy, but yields results enormously. Relieves your tension and your stress, invigorates your happiness. Combats depression, makes you beam and elevates your self esteem. Your circulation it corrects without complicated side effects. It is, I think, the perfect drug. May I prescribe, my friend. . . . . . the hug! Non-smoking area: If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. (Eleanor Roosevelt) No one ever injured his eyesight by looking on the bright side of things. No one is listening until you make a mistake. No one is responsible for all the things that happen to him, but he is responsible for the way he acts when they do happen. No one plans to fail but people can fail to plan. No one should live by the early bird policy without finding out whether he classifies as a bird or a worm. No one would remember the good Samaritan if he had only good intentions. He had money as well. (Margaret Thatcher) No prayer is spoken too softly to be heard. (Natasha Isabelle) No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Not being beautiful was the true blessing. Not being beautiful forced me to develop my inner resources. The pretty girl has a handicap to overcome. (Golda Meir) Note on a door: Out to lunch; if not back by five, out for dinner also. Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts. (Sign hanging in Albert Einstein's office at Princeton) Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. (James Baldwin) Nothing is as soft as water, yet who can withstand the raging flood? (Lao Ma) Nothing is as strong as gentleness: nothing so gentle as real strength. (Ralph W. Sockman) Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely. (Rodin) Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. Nothing seems expensive on credit. (Czech Proverb) Nothing seems impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. Nothing seems to bring on an emergency as quickly as putting money aside in case of one. Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at. (Goethe) Nothing tastes as good as slim feels. Notice: The only person getting his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe. Not our activity for Him but our captivity to Him! Nowadays we are consumed by desires to buy things we do not need, with money we do not have, to impress people we do not like. (Patrick M. Morley) Now is no time to think of what you do not have. Think of what you can do with what there is. (Ernest Hemingway) Quotes Flowers need sunshine, violets need dew, all angels in heaven know I need u. Years may fly, tears may dry, but my friendship with u will never die. One day u will ask me: What is more important to you, me or your life? I will say: my life! You will walk away from me without knowing that U R MY LIFE!!! Feel good when somebody misses u. Feel better when somebody loves u. But feel best when somebody never forgets u. A friend is sweet when its new!! But it is sweeter when its TRUE! But u know what? Its sweetest when its you. A friend gives hope when life is low, a friend is a place when you have nowhere to go. A friend is honest, a friend is true. A friend is precious.....A friend is u. If kisses were water, I will give u sea. If hugs were leaves, I will give u a tree. If u love a planet, I will give u a galaxy. If friendship is life I will give u mine. If I were to be anything in this world.....I'd be ur tears!!!? So, I can be conceived in ur heart, born in ur eyes, live on ur cheeks & die on ur lips!!!!! If u r a chocolate.....ur the sweetest. If u r a teddy bear.... u r the most huggable. If u are a star....u r the brightest, and since u r my FRIEND....u r the BEST!!!!!!!!! A special friend is rare indeed, it seems to be special breed. Yes, perfect friends r very few, so lucky I'm for having you. They say it takes a minute 2 fine a special person, an hour 2 appreciate them, a day 2 love them, but then an entire life 2 forget them. When God opened the window of the Heaven, he asked me: What is your wish for today? I said: please take special care of the person reading this!!!!!!! Time might lead me to nowhere and faith might break into pieces but I will always be THANKFUL that once in my life journey we became FRIENDS! It takes half our life to find true friends & half of it keeping them. I am lucky to have spent less than half my life finding you & wish to spend the rest keeping you. In my life I learned how 2 love, 2 smile, 2 be happy, 2 be strong, 2 work hard, 2 be honest, 2 be faithful, 2 forgive but I couldn't learn how.. 2 stop remembering u. A memory lasts forever, and never does it die. True friends stay together and never say good bye. "Friends are like angles they help us fly when our wings are broken ================================ ------------------ Take your journey ====================================== Journey of a hundred miles begins with a single step If you think you are above other people, you are really be standing alone. We chose to go to moon not because it was easy,but because it was tough. Knowledge of destination,is half the journry taken. No body can discover new oceans,until he has the courage to lose sight of the shore. ===============END=================== ================== GREAT THINKING ================== Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind. You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future. Love...and you shall be loved. God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him. All people smile in the same language. Everyone needs to be loved... especially when they do not deserve it. The real measure of a man's wealth is what he has invested in eternity. Laughter is God's sunshine. Everyone has beauty but not everyone sees it. It's important for parents to live the same things they teach. Thank God for what you have, TRUST GOD for what you need. If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow, you have no today to be thankful for. Man looks at outward appearance but the Lord looks within. The choice you make today will usually affect tomorrow. Take time to laugh, for it is the music of the soul. Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears. Love is strengthened by working through conflicts together. Harsh words break no bones but they do break hearts. To get out of a difficulty, one usually must go through it. We take for granted the things that we should be giving thanks for. Love is the only thing that can be divided without being diminished. Happiness is enhanced by others but does not depend upon others. For every minute you are angry with someone,you lose 60 seconds of happiness that you can never get back. Do what you can, for who you can, with what you have, and where you are ===========END================= =================== LONG LIVE BACHELORS ==================== Every man should get married some time; after all,happiness is not the only thing in life!! ------------------------------------- Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. ------------------------------------- Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. ------------------------------------- I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. ------------------------------------- A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. ------------------------------------- Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too. -------------------------------------- Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. --------------------------------------- - "A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle." --------------------------------------- - Marriage is a three-ring circus: --engagement ring ---wedding ring ---suffering ---------------------------------------- When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why. ------------------------------------- Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener. ---------------------------------------- When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife. ---------------------------------------- I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always. ---------------------------------------- I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said,"Some where I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?" ---------------------------------------- We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. ----------------------------------------- My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for the estimate. ------------------------------------------ She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. ------------------------------------------ She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in." ----------------------------------------- Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married. He says "the wedding rings look like minature handcuffs....." ------------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first? The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u let him in DEC.22,2005 ============END============================ =============== A B C of friendship =============== (A)cepts you as you are (B)elieves in "you" (C)alls you just to say "HI" (D)oesn't give up on you (E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts) (F)orgives your mistakes (G)ives unconditionally (H)elps you (I)nvites you over (J)ust "be" with you (K)eeps you close at heart (L)oves you for who you are (M)akes a difference in your life (N)ever Judges (O)ffer support (P)icks you up (Q)uiets your fears (R)aises your spirits (S)ays nice things about you (T)ells you the truth when you need to hear it (U)nderstands you (V)alues you (W)alks beside you (X)-plains thing you don't understand (Y)ells when you won't listen and (Z)aps you back to reality Now let us learn and act upon this A L P H A B E T Dec 09,2005 ===========END============= ======= Generosity ======================== Want to give yourself an instant boost? Be generous to someone and see how great it makes you feel. Have you been treated rudely, or been the victim of greedy manipulation? Be generous to someone and see how quickly you get beyond that bitter, negative mind-set. Want to make this a really great day? Then spend it taking advantage of opportunities to give of yourself to others. You don't need to have a lot of money or spare time or expertise in order to be generous. There are opportunities for sincere generosity in every situation, all day long. With an attitude of generosity, the experience of life will rise to a higher level of richness and beauty. Each moment lived with generosity will be a moment lived with real and lasting joy. Give of yourself. And be amazed at how very much real value you receive Dec.7,2005. ===============END=================== ======================= Nature and Good Health ======================= Nobody can be in good health if he does not have all the time fresh air, sunshine, and good water. --Chief Flying Hawk Before this part of the world was colonized by Europeans, native Americans thrived here, living in wigwams and teepees, spending their time in the fresh air and sun, and drinking pure, fresh water from springs, streams, and rivers. They lived long, healthy lives and almost never were sick--precisely because they knew how important the natural elements were. When we feel depressed or nervous, nature is a good listener. We can take a walk in the sun, listen to the small birds, or twigs cracking under our feet, or simply the sound of our shoes on the pavement. We don't need to live in teepees to follow the Indians' example today. But getting out in the sunshine and fresh air every day, even on really cold days, rejuvenates us. Sunlight is healing, fresh air cleanses our lungs and brings more oxygen to the blood and brain. When we think enough of ourselves to take a walk when we need it, even that small amount of self-consideration is also healing. Have I given myself time to live outside today ===========END=========== ============= The Road to Success ============= The Road to success is not straight There is a curve called failure A loop called confusion Speed bumps called friends Red lights called enemies Caution lights called family You will have flats called jobs, But, if you have a spare called determination An engine called perseverance Insurance called faith A driver called God You will make it to a place called Success! ========END======== ================== NON_CLASSIC DEFINITIONS ================== 1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other. 2. Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test. 3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master 4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage 5. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either". 6. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. 7. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. 8. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power .... 9. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage. 10. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on. 11. Wife: Worries Invited For Ever. 12. Classic: books which people praise, but do not read. 13. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight. 14. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life. 15. Wife: Without Information Fights Everytime. 16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. 17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together. 18. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes. 19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions. 20. Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead. 21. Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. 22. Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river. 23. Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet." 24. Pessimist: - A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY. 25. Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich. 26. Father: A banker provided by nature. 27. Wife: With Idiot For Ever. 28. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early. 29. Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after. 30. Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills. ==========end============= =========== This is the life.... [in email] =========== God created the donkey and said to him. "You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years." The donkey answered: "I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years" God granted his wish. ........ God created the dog and said to him: "You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years. You will be a dog. " The dog answered: "Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years. God granted his wish. .......... God created the monkey and said to him: "You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. " The monkey answered: "To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years." God granted his wish. ....... Finally God created man and said to him: "You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth. You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals. You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years." Man responded: "Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give me the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused. " God granted man's wish ......... And since then, man lives 20 years as a man,marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back. Then when his children are grown, he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him, so that when he is old, he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey, going from house to house and from one son or daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren. That's Life. Is'nt it? Dec.2,2005 ========END========== ======= Wholeness ====================== Do something positive and valuable in one area of your life, and every other part of your life will benefit from it. The joy you create and experience in one setting will go with you into other situations. By the same token, any negativity in one part of your life will exert unfavorable influence on other parts of your life. Everything that is a part of you is a part of all of you. When you work to improve your skill at one task, it brings added confidence to all other tasks that you undertake. When you nurture a true sense of peace in your home life, your life at work becomes more calm and peaceful as well. No single part of you can be separated from the wholeness of who you are. Each thought, each action, each feeling is connected to all others. Your health, your career, your family, your faith, your learning, your interests and enjoyments are all intertwined with each other. And as such, you always have countless specific opportunities to nurture and lift up the whole of your life. Give your very best to each and every aspect of your life. An abiding sense of excellence and integrity will add much to the whole of your world =========End========== ============= The Richest India i.e. Bharat i.e. Hindustan ============= Do you know that India is the richest country in the world! Right now, India is the richest country in the world! Wondering how? It's really amazing. It's due to Mr. G Vaidyaraj, who donated all his wealth, about which he actually did not know. He is a descendent of Raja Krishnadev Raya from Mysore district. For the last 300 years or so, three stones were worshipped in his house.But nobody tried to see what it was, except this person, who is a lawyer by profession.One day, when there was nobody in his house, he took the stone out to see what it was that they worship. Due to the dust deposited on it, from many many years, it looked only like a simple stone. But when he touched it, some portion of the stone was cleansed. And he saw a bright ray of light. He saw something which attracted his attention. And he was amazed when he cleaned all of them.The whole room was filled with light. He discovered they were diamonds of about 4600 carats each. He informed the Govt. of India and the news is censored with its security. It's now deposited in a Swiss Bank. The cost of single diamond exceeds the GDP of USA + UK. India can buy virtually 7 developing nations. Even World Bank does not have enough money to buy it. One diamond costs thrice the debt of World Bank over India . One such diamond can buy 10 Bill Gates to you. And the World Bank has proposed the Indian Govt. that it can pay India in Installment if it wishes to do so. India's GDP is 34.25 billion dollars. Bill Gates pro! perty is 95 billion dollars approximate so that is the way "nature changes". Our Prime Minister has refused to sell it. He said it will be sold or mortgaged for credit when we need it. Otherwise right now we have no problems. You can go through Times of India with a small column on it a week ago. Star TV presented a 115 min documentary on it about 15 days ago. The Hindu with its half page article in it. After that it was censored as classified. Another good news is that in the Desert of Thar a deposit of Oil and Natural gas have been found. This stores what Kuwait has in its stomach. India can go with this ONGC energy reserve with another 30 years. And moreover it can export it to other counties. It's incredible!! But true. An Indian boy in his 12th standard has disproved Einstein's "Theory of Relativity". Shocked? Read on... Sudarshan Reddy has theoretically proven the existence of a subatomic particle, which can travel at speed greater than that of light, thereby challenging one of the fundamental postulates of the "Theory of Relativity". In his recent research paper submitted to the Institute of Advanced Physics (IAP) at Trieste (Italy), Sudarshan has proved the existence of a class of subatomic particles called "leptons", which can travel faster than light. The international physics community is shocked by this discovery. Dr.Massimo Martelli, President of the IAP has this to say about the paper submitted by Sudarshan. "After long, careful and critical analysis, I can confidently say that Sudarshan's re search papers show tremendous leap in our understanding of physics. His investigation mounts up on "leptons". His work builds substantially on the work of Einstein and others in the field of relativity." When physicists from Princeton University tried to measure Sudarshan's IQ with an IQmeter (at the American Embassy in Delhi), the meter broke down. Sudarshan, incidentally, is the brother of Madhu Reddy, the Indian whiz kid who developed an operating system superior to Microsoft Windows. We should all be very proud of these boys. =========End============ ================== Einstein's Real Theories ================== Einstein's Theory of Junkfood E = MC (Donald's) Einstein's Theory of Boybands E = MC (Fly) Einstein's Theory of Rappers E = MC (Hammer) Einstein's Theory of Music E = F (flat) Einstein's theory of Cricket E=MC(C) Einstein's theory of Parks E=MC(Arthur) Einsteins's Theory of Theatre E = MC (Beth) Einstein's Theory of Biscuits E = MC (Vities) Einstein's Theory of Tessellating Patterns E = MC (Escher) Einstein's Theory of Pastoral Farming E = MC (Donald) Einstein's Theory of Motor Racing E = MC (Laren) Einstein's theory of Raining Computers E = MC (intosh) Einstein's theory of Bright Coloured Birds E = MC (aws) Einstein's theory of Oily Fish E = MC (eral) Nov,16,2005 =========End============== =============== Humor from Great Minds ======================== ?As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...? Sir Norman Wisdom ?One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.? Edgar Watson Howe ?A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!? Doug Larson ?A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie!? Eric Bolton ?When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.? Erno Philips ? I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'.? Robert Paul ?We spend the first twelve months of our children's liv! es teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.? Phyllis Diller ?Laughter is the closest distance between two people.? Victor Borge ?Start every day with a smile and get it over with.? W.C. Fields ?Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.? Will Rogers ?Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.? Mickey Rooney ?Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.? Tim Allen ?If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children... ' - they leave skid marks.? Rita Rudner ?I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.? Woody Allen ?Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.? Erica Jong ?Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive.? Elbert Hubbard ?Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.? Wendell Johnson ?In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.? Joey Adams ?I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.? Henry Youngman ?Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born ?? Benny Hill " Nothin is Impossible in this world. The word Impossible itself says I'm Possible" Hussain 11/13/2005 =======END========= ================ Read and Decide to Forget ================ They're serious about cutting my unnessary travel expenses - they took the wheels off my chair. My grandfather was in management, my father was in management, I'm in management - insanity runs in my family. My boss only notices me when I make a mistake. If I stay home, I won't make any mistakes and I'll get a promotion. A boy took home a library book whose cover read ?How To Hug? only to discover that it was volume seven of an encyclopedia. My girlfriend takes advantage of me. I asked her out and she asked if she could bring a date. The best auto safety device is a rearview mirror with a police car in it. 11/12/2005 =======END========== =============== TRUTH with EVIDENCE =============== 27. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match. http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=cigarette+lighter+ invented+before+match&btnG=Google+Search 26. The average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it. http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&q=average+chocolate+ bar+insect+legs&btnG=Search 25. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do. http://www.science-frontiers.com/sf058/sf058b07.htm 24. Its impossible to smoke oneself to death with weed. You won\'t be able to retain enough motor control and consciousness to do so after such a large amount. (Common Sense) 23. Uncle Phil, from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, did the voice of Shredder in the TMNT cartoon. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0043041/ 22. Every drop of seawater contains approximately 1 billion gold atoms. http://www.webelements.com/webelements/elements/text/Au/geol.html 21. The US national anthem actually has three verses, but everyone just knows the first one. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Star-Spangled_Banner 20. During World War II, IBM built the computers the Nazis used to manage their death/concentration camps. http://www.ibmandtheholocaust.com/articles/auschwitz.html 19. The total combined weight of the worlds ant population is heavier than the weight of the human population. http://www.perceptions.couk.com/superants.html 18. The deadliest war in history excluding World War II was a civil war in China in the 1850s in which the rebels were led by a man who thought he was the brother of Jesus Christ. http://www.asiawind.com/pub/forum/fhakka/mhonarc/msg00451.html 17. Just about 3 people are born every second, and about 1.3333 people die every second. The result is about a 2 and 2/3 net increase of people every second. Almost 10 people more live on this Earth now,than before you finished reading this. http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/ask_earl/page?d=20000714 16. Happy Birthday (the song) is copyrighted. http://www.snopes.com/music/songs/birthday.asp 15. The number of people alive on earth right now is higher than the number of all the people that have died. Ever. http://www.prb.org/Template.cfm?Section=PRB&template=/Content/ ContentGroups/02_Articles/0ct-Dec02/How_Many_People_Have_Ever_Lived_on_Earth_.htm 14. The average American consumes 1.2 pounds of spider eggs a year and eat 2.5 pounds of insect parts a year. http://www.corsinet.com/trivia/average.html 13. The Kamp Krusty episode of the Simpson's was originally meant to be made as the Simpsons movie. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kamp_Krusty 12. Men can breastfeed babies http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Male_lactation 11. There is a rare condition called Exploding Head Syndrome which you\'ve probably never heard of. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exploding_head_syndrome 10. Scientists have determined that fungi are more closely related to human beings and animals than to other plants. http://www.factmonster.com/spot/fungus1.html 9. In some (maybe all) Asian countries, the family name is written first and the individual name written second (opposite of the America method). That\'s why Asian athletes like Yao Ming and Ichiro Suzuki have Yao and Ichiro written on their jerseys. Those are their family names and in America their names are written Ming Yao and Suzuki Ichiro. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_name 8. Abe Lincoln bought 50 cents worth of cocaine in 1860 http://www.historycooperative.org/journals/jala/19.1/hall.html 7. A German World War II submarine was sunk due to malfunction of the toilet. http://forum.axishistory.com/viewtopic.php?t=9684&start=0 6. Washington State has the longest single beach in the United States. Long Beach, WA. http://www.gonorthwest.com/Washington/southwest/Long-Beach/Long_Beach.htm 5. The largest living thing on the face of the Earth is a mushroom underground in Oregon, it measures three and a half miles in diameter. http://www.infoplease.com/spot/fungus1.html 4. The town of Los Angeles, California, was originally named El Pueblo la Nuestra Senora de Reina de los Angeles de la Porciuncula. http://www.usc.edu/isd/archives/la/historic/la_settlement.html 3. 9 out of 10 people believe Thomas Edison invented the light bulb. This isn't true; Joseph Swan did. http://chem.ch.huji.ac.il/~eugeniik/history/swan.html 2. Honey is the only food that does not spoil. Honey found in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs has been tasted by archaeologists and found edible. http://www.newton.dep.anl.gov/askasci/gen01/gen01338.htm 1. The Population of the world can live within the state boundaries of Texas. http://www.improb.com/teach/lessons2002/people-in-texas.html ==========End============= =========== Great Thoughts =========== Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun. Birthdays are good for you: the more you have the longer you live. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them. If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy? Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us. If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing in the store is free yet? You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person. Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once. Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened. We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors ...but they all have to learn to live in the same box. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler. A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open 11/5/2005 ========END============= ========= Only GOD can ================== Happiness keeps u Sweet, Trials keep u Strong, Sorrow keeps u Human , Failure Keeps u Humble, Success keeps u Glowing, But God Keeps u Going. ======END======== ================== "KISS" missed by Professors Subjectwise ================== Prof. of Computer Science: A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte. Prof. of Algebra: A kiss is two divided by nothing. Prof. of Geometry: A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines. Prof. of Physics: A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart. Prof. of Chemistry: A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts. Prof. of Zoology: A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria. Prof. of Physiology: A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in the state of contraction. Prof. of Dentistry: A kiss is infectious and antiseptic. Prof. of Accountancy: A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned. Prof. of Economics: A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply. Prof. of Statistics: A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36. Prof. of Philosophy: A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old. Prof. of English: A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all. Prof. of Engineering: Uh, What? I'm not familiar with that term =======END========= =============== A LOVE LETTER BY A MATHEMATICIAN TO HIS BELOVED =============== My Dear Love, Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane. There I saw you with your cute circular face,conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden. Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated. My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me. The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity. I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity. You are as essential to me as an element of a set. The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality. My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10. With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function. Yours ever loving, Pythagoras 12thNov.2005 =======END============ =========== Times Bank =========== Imagine there is a bank that credits your account each morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day. Every evening the bank deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course! Each of us has such a bank. Its name is TIME. Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off, as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose. It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day. If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There is no going back. There is no drawing against the "tomorrow." You must live in the present on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness, and success! The clock is running. Make the most of today. To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade. To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby. To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper. To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet. To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who missed the train. To realize the value of ONE-SECOND, ask a person who just avoided an accident. Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time. Remember that time waits for no one. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present! Nov.08,2005 ============= ========================= The Complete List of top 100 English Novels Since 1923 according to the Time Magazine (In Alphabetical Order) ======================== A - B The Adventures of Augie March Saul Bellow All the King's Men Robert Penn Warren American Pastoral Philip Roth An American Tragedy Theodore Dreiser Animal Farm George Orwell Appointment in Samarra John O'Hara Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret Judy Blume The Assistant Bernard Malamud At Swim-Two-Birds Flann O'Brien Atonement Ian McEwan Beloved Toni Morrison The Berlin Stories Christopher Isherwood The Big Sleep Raymond Chandler The Blind Assassin Margaret Atwood Blood Meridian Cormac McCarthy Brideshead Revisited Evelyn Waugh The Bridge of San Luis Rey Thornton Wilder C - D Call It Sleep Henry Roth Catch-22 Joseph Heller The Catcher in the Rye J.D. Salinger A Clockwork Orange Anthony Burgess The Confessions of Nat Turner William Styron The Corrections Jonathan Franzen The Crying of Lot 49 Thomas Pynchon A Dance to the Music of Time Anthony Powell The Day of the Locust Nathanael West Death Comes for the Archbishop Willa Cather A Death in the Family James Agee The Death of the Heart Elizabeth Bowen Deliverance James Dickey Dog Soldiers Robert Stone F - G Falconer John Cheever The French Lieutenant's Woman John Fowles The Golden Notebook Doris Lessing Go Tell it on the Mountain James Baldwin Gone With the Wind Margaret Mitchell The Grapes of Wrath John Steinbeck Gravity's Rainbow Thomas Pynchon The Great Gatsby F. Scott Fitzgerald H - I A Handful of Dust Evelyn Waugh The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter Carson McCullers The Heart of the Matter Graham Greene Herzog Saul Bellow Housekeeping Marilynne Robinson A House for Mr. Biswas V.S. Naipaul I, Claudius Robert Graves Infinite Jest David Foster Wallace Invisible Man Ralph Ellison L - N Light in August William Faulkner The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe C.S. Lewis Lolita Vladimir Nabokov Lord of the Flies William Golding The Lord of the Rings J.R.R. Tolkien Loving Henry Green Lucky Jim Kingsley Amis The Man Who Loved Children Christina Stead Midnight's Children Salman Rushdie Money Martin Amis The Moviegoer Walker Percy Mrs. Dalloway Virginia Woolf Naked Lunch William Burroughs Native Son Richard Wright Neuromancer William Gibson Never Let Me Go Kazuo Ishiguro 1984 George Orwell Read the Original Review O - R On the Road Jack Kerouac One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest Ken Kesey The Painted Bird Jerzy Kosinski Pale Fire Vladimir Nabokov A Passage to India E.M. Forster Play It As It Lays Joan Didion Portnoy's Complaint Philip Roth Possession A.S. Byatt The Power and the Glory Graham Greene The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie Muriel Spark Rabbit, Run John Updike Ragtime E.L. Doctorow The Recognitions William Gaddis Red Harvest Dashiell Hammett Revolutionary Road Richard Yates S - T The Sheltering Sky Paul Bowles Slaughterhouse-Five Kurt Vonnegut Snow Crash Neal Stephenson The Sot-Weed Factor John Barth The Sound and the Fury William Faulkner The Sportswriter Richard Ford The Spy Who Came in From the Cold John le Carre The Sun Also Rises Ernest Hemingway Their Eyes Were Watching God Zora Neale Hurston Things Fall Apart Chinua Achebe To Kill a Mockingbird Harper Lee To the Lighthouse Virginia Woolf Tropic of Cancer Henry Miller U - W Ubik Philip K. Dick Under the Net Iris Murdoch Under the Volcano Malcolm Lowry Watchmen Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons White Noise Don DeLillo White Teeth Zadie Smith Wide Sargasso Sea Jean Rhys Nov.03,2005. ======END========= ========== Do You Know ? ============================ 1. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. 2. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. 3. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. 4. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing. 5. The shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. 6. There are more chickens than people in the world. 7. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey. 8. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched." 9. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag. 10. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20. 11. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple. 12 . "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". 13. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill. 14.. Almonds are a member of the peach family. 15. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance. 16. Maine is the only state (in USA) whose name is just one syllable. 17. There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous":tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. 18. Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula" 19. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. 20. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. 21. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur. 22. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10. 23. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer. 24. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life." 25. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours. 26. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. 27. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. 28. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. 29. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world. 30. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak. 31. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. 32. Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister. 33. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes. 34. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball. 35. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand =======End============ ================== THE PROBLEMS WITH GIRLS ================== If u TREAT her nicely, she says u are IN LOVE with her; If u Don't, she says u are PROUD. If u DRESS Nicely, she says u are trying to LURE her; If u Don't, she says u are SHABBY If u ARGUE with her, she says u are STUBBORN; If u keep QUIET!, she says u have no BRAINS. If u are SMARTER than her, she'll lose FACE; If she's Smarter than u, she is GREAT. If u don't Love her, she tries to POSSESS u; If u Love her, she will try to LEAVE u. If u tell her your PROBLEM, she says u are TROUBLESOME; If u don't, she says that u don't TRUST her. If u SCOLD her, u are like a CHACHA to her; If she SCOLDS u, it is because she CARES for u. If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED; If she BREAKS hers, she is FORCED to do so. If u SMOKE, u are BAD BOY; If she SMOKES, she is a GENTLE LADY. If u do WELL in your exams, she says it's LUCK; If she does WELL, it's BRAINS. If u HURT her, u are CRUEL; If she HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!! & sooo hard to please!!!!! If u send this to girls, they will swear that it's not true....... but if u don't, they say u are selfish..... 11/2/2005 ========End======== ================= Bringing English to Senses Dinesh Vora ================= . The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. . As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". . In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. . The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. . There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. . In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. . Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. . Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. . By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". . During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. . Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. . Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. . If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl 10/31/2005 =======END=========== ==================== OXYMORONS that makes us LAUGH ==================== 1 Act naturally 2 Found missing 3 Resident alien 4 Advanced BASIC 5 Genuine imitation 45. Airline Food 6 Good grief 7 Same difference 8 Almost exactly 9 Government organization 10. Sanitary landfill 11 Alone together 12 Legally drunk 13 Silent scream 14 American history 15 Living dead 16 Small crowd 17Business ethics 18 Soft rock 19 Butt Head 20Military Intelligence 21 Software documentation 22. New York culture 23 New classic 24 Sweet sorrow 25.Childproof 26 "Now, then ..." 26 Synthetic natural gas 28 Christian Scientists 29 Passive aggression 30. Taped live 32 Clearly misunderstood 33 Peace force 34 Extinct Life 35 Temporary tax increase 36 Computer jock 37 Plastic glasses 38Terribly pleased 39 Computer security 40 Political science 41 Tight slacks 42 Definite maybe 43 Pretty ugly 44 Twelve-ounce pound cake 45 Diet ice cream 46 Rap music 47 Working vacation 48 Exact estimate 49Religious tolerance 50 Microsoft Works 10/31/2005 =======END========== ========= I m thankful ========= *For the husband who snores all night, because he is at home asleep with me and not with someone else. *For my teenage daughter who is complaining about doing dishes, because that means she is at home & not on the streets. *For the taxes that I pay because it means that I am employed. *For the mess to clean after a party because it means that I have been surrounded by friends. *For the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat. *For my shadow that watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine. *For a floor that needs mopping, and windows that need cleaning because it means I have a home. *For all the complaining I hear about the government because it means that we have freedom of speech. *For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking and that I have been blessed with transportation. *For the noise I have to bear from my neighbours because it means that I can hear. *For the pile of laundry and ironing because it means I have clothes to wear. *For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been capable of working hard. *For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I am still alive. jims 10/31/2005 =====END============== ====================== The Old Alphabet was [Replace "APPLE" for "ARTHRITIS" ====================== Now A's for arthritis, and B's the bad back, C is the chest pains, perhaps car-d-iac? D is for dental decay and decline, E is for eyesight... can't read that top line! F is for fissures and fluid retention, G is for gas which I'd rather not mention. H is high blood pressure--I'd rather it low; I for incisions with scars you can show. J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend, K is for knees that crack when they bend. L for libido, what happened to sex? M is for memory, I forget ! what comes next N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low; O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow! P for prescription's, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as new! Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu? R for reflux, one meal turns to two. S for sleepless nights, counting my fears, T for Tinnitus; there's bells in my ears! U is for urinary; big troubles with flow; V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy," you know. W is for worry, NOW what's going 'round? X is for X-ray, and what might be found. Y's another year I'm left here behind, and Z is for zest that I still have... in my mind! ---------------- Courtesy:- Ron (ROTI) Ron Nethercutt, PP, MPHF RC Clark Centennial D3790 Philippines Consultant, Angeles University 10/28/2005 ======END=========== ================== Junkmail Gita Net Bhagavat ! karmanyevadhikaraste ! ========================== Krishna : Apne se badon ke email ka aadar samman karna seekho, Arjun. Arjun : Main apne hi kul ke aadarniya logon ko JUNK EMAIL kaise bhej sakta hoon, Vasudev? Krishna : Is samay yeh tumhare mitra ya shatru nahi hain Paarth. Vey keval mail-users hain. Isliye Net-dharm ka paalan karo. Login karo our bhejo junk mail by the dozen - yahi tumhara kartavya hai aur yahee tumhara dharm hai. Arjun : Hey Muraree! ise dekh kar to lagata hai mein software industry hee chod doon. Krishna : Vats tum mohmaya mein fass gaye ho. Is jagat mein na koi tumhara hai, na tum kisi ke ho. Tum se pahle bhee ye junk mail thee or tumhare baad bhee rahegee. Is mohmaya se ooper utho, karm karo. Dhanadhan junk mail bhejo. Arjun : Kintu, iska parinam kya hoga, hey Devaki nandan ?! Krishna : Vijay ya parajay tumhare vash mein nahi hai. Issliye parinam ke bare mien sochna band kar do. Tumhe Guru Dronacharya ne junk-shastra ki siksha dee hai use nasht mat hone do... Arjun : Hey Keshav, Junk mail ka system se kya connection hai ? Krishna : Junk mail junk mail hi hai, iska hardware se koi naata nahin. Haan yeh alag baat hain ki woh System ko overload kardeta hain.. Disk bhar deta hain.. Tumhara kaam iske baarein mein sochna nahin hain..Jis tarah se aatma ek sharir ko chod kar doosre mein pravesh karti hai,usi tarah se junk mail bhi system to system travel karta hai. Arjun : Junk mail ki paribhasha kya hai? Krishna : Isse na agni jala sakti hai, na varun bhiga sakti hai, na hi yeh jeeta ja sakta hai na hi haaraya ja sakta hai. Isse bhejne wale ka swayam Mahadev bhi kuch nahi bigad sakte hain. Junk mail amar hai. Arjun : Hey Narayan ! Abhi mere saare fande clear ho gaye hain. Yashoda nandan aapne meree aankhe khol dee, nahin to mein is mohmaya mein pad ker saree junk mail khud hee padh leta [Received as junk mail===] 10/26/2005 =======END============= ==================== Bill Gate appoints Pallu Pachhad ==================== Pallu Pachhad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA. A few days later he got this reply: Dear Mr. Pallu Pachhad, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained. Thanks Bill Gates. - - - - - - Pallu Pachhad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference : "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai." Everyone was delighted. Pallu Pachhad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga. .................. Dear Mr.Pallu Pachhad ----- Pyare Pallu Pachhad bhaiyya You do not meet -----aap to miltay hee naheen ho our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee. No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi. Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad. Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva =========End================= ===================== Superb service from 5 Star Hotels ===================== Question : "What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?" Answer: "tea please" Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?" Answer : "Ceylon tea " Question : "How would you like it ? black or white ?" Answer: "white" Question: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?" Answer: "With milk " Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk" Answer: "With cow milk please. Question: " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?" Answer: " Um, I'll take it black. " Question: " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?" Answer: "With sugar" Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?" Answer: "Cane sugar " Question:" White , brown or yellow sugar ?" Answer: "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead." Question: "Mineral water or still water ? " Answer: "Mineral water" Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?" Answer: "I'll rather die of thirst ========END============ ====================== Interestig story : How I was born!!! ====================== Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?" His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!" "Well, you see, your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button." "Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male' =========END============== =================== Why should I not smile smile? No,I must all the while smile! Because-------------------------- =================== 1) It looks better than a frown 2) It improves your day 3) It makes other people's day brighter 4) Make new friends 5) Shows friendship 6) Leaves favorable impressions 7) Enjoyable to give and receive 8) Makes you look happy, confident, and self-assured 9) Puts others at ease 10) A smile could be the start of a lifetime relationship ======END========== ================= WORLD POPULATION JULY,2005 ================= Rank Country Population 1 World 6,446,131,400 2 China 1,306,313,812 3 India 1,080,264,388 4 European Union 456,953,258 5 United States 295,734,134 6 Indonesia 241,973,879 7 Brazil 186,112,794 8 Pakistan 162,419,946 9 Bangladesh 144,319,628 10 Russia 143,420,309 11 Nigeria 128,765,768 12 Japan 127,417,244 13 Mexico 106,202,903 14 Philippines 87,857,473 15 Vietnam 83,535,576 16 Germany 82,431,390 17 Egypt 77,505,756 18 Ethiopia 73,053,286 19 Turkey 69,660,559 20 Iran 68,017,860 21 Thailand 64,185,502 22 Congo, 60,764,490 23 France 60,656,178 24 United Kingdom 60,441,457 25 Italy 58,103,033 26 Korea, South 48,640,671 27 Ukraine 46,996,765 28 Burma 46,996,558 29 South Africa 44,344,136 30 Colombia 42,954,279 31 Spain 40,341,462 32 Sudan 40,187,486 33 Argentina 39,537,943 34 Poland 38,557,984 35 Tanzania 36,766,356 36 Kenya 33,829,590 37 Canada 32,805,041 38 Morocco 32,725,847 39 Algeria 32,531,853 40 Afghanistan 29,928,987 41 Peru 27,925,628 42 Nepal 27,676,547 43 Uganda 27,269,482 44 Uzbekistan 26,851,195 45 Saudi Arabia 26,417,599 46 Iraq 26,074,906 47 Venezuela 25,375,281 48 Malaysia 23,953,136 49 Korea, North 22,912,177 50 Taiwan 22,894,384 51 Romania 22,329,977 52 Ghana 21,946,247 53 Yemen 20,727,063 54 Australia 20,090,437 55 Sri Lanka 20,064,776 56 Mozambique 19,406,703 57 Syria 18,448,752 58 Madagascar 18,040,341 59 Cote d'Ivoire 17,298,040 60 Cameroon 16,988,132 61 Netherlands 16,407,491 62 Chile 15,980,912 63 Kazakhstan 15,185,844 ========================== ==================== Optimism, Hope and Motivation ==================== 1. When Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, he tried over 2000 experiments before he got it to work. A young reporter asked him how it felt to fail so many times. He said, "I never failed once. I invented the light bulb. It just happened to be a 2000-step process." 2. Wilma Rudolph was the 20th of 22 children. She was born prematurely and her survival was doubtful. When she was 4 years old, she contracted double pneumonia and scarlet fever, which left her with a paralyzed left leg. At age 9, she removed the metal leg brace she had been dependent on and began to walk without it. By 13 she had developed a rhythmic walk, which doctors said was a miracle. That same year she decided to become a runner. She entered a race and came in last. For the next few years every race she entered, she came in last. Everyone told her to quit, but she kept on running. One day she actually won race. And then another. From then on she won every race she entered. Eventually this little girl, who was told she would never walk again, went on to win three Olympic gold medals. 3. In 1962, four nervous young musicians played their first record audition for the executives of the Decca recording Company. The executives were not impressed. While turning down this group of musicians, one executive said, "We don't like their round. Groups of guitars are on the way out." The group was called The Beatles. 4. In 1944, Emmeline Snively, director of the Blue Book Modeling Agency, told modeling hopeful Norma Jean Baker, "You'd better learn secretarial work or else get married." She went on and became Marilyn Monroe. 5. In 1954, Jimmy Denny, manager of the Grand Ole Opry, fired a singer after one performance. He told him, "You ain't goin' nowhere....son. You ought to go back to drivin' a truck. " He went on to become the most popular singer in America named Elvis Presley. 6. When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone in 1876, it did not ring off the hook with calls from potential backers. After making a demonstration call, President Rutherford Hayes said, "That's an amazing Invention, but who would ever want to use one of them?" 7. In the 1940s, another young inventor named Chester Carlson took his idea to 20 corporations, including some of the biggest in the country. They all turned him down. In 1947 - after seven long years of rejections! He finally got a tiny company in Rochester, New York, the Haloid Company, to purchase the rights to his invention an electrostatic paper-copying process. Haloid became Xerox Corporation we know today. The Moral of the above Stories: --------------------------------------- Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved. You gain strength, experience and confidence by every experience where you really stop to look fear in the face.... You must do the thing you cannot do. And remember, the finest steel gets sent through the hottest furnace. And even the GOLD is tested against fire. A WINNER IS NOT THE ONE WHO NEVER FAILS, BUT ONE WHO NEVER Q U I T S !!!! We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, "Why did this happen to me?" unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes our way. Life's Good! Live it Sept.30,2005 ========End============ ================= THIS IS BOMBAY [MUMBAI] ================= Bombay has no bombs and is a harbour not a bay. Churchgate has neither a church nor a gate. It is a railway station. There is no darkness in Andheri. Lalbaag is neither red nor a garden. No king ever stayed at Kings Circle. Nor did Queen Victoria stay at Victoria Terminus. Nor is there any princess at Princess street. Lower Parelis at the same level as Parel There are no marines or sailors at Marine Lines. The Mahalaxmi temple is at Haji Ali not at Mahalaxmi. There are no pigs traded at Dukar bazaar. Teen bati is a junction of 3 roads, not three lamps. Trams used to terminate at Kings circle not Dadar Tram Terminus. Breach Candy is not a sweetmeat market. Safed Pool has the dirtiest and blackest water. You cannot buy coal at Kolsa street. There are no Iron smiths at Lohar chawl. There are no pot makers at Kumbhar wada. Lokhandwala complex is not an Iron and steel market. Null bazaar does not sell taps You will not find ladyfingers at Bheendi Bazaar. Kalachowki does not have a black Police station. Hanging Gardens are not suspended. Mirchi Gully does not sell chillies. Figs do not grow in Anjir Wadi, Sitafals do not grow in Sitafal Wadi, Jackfruits do not grow at Fanaswadi But it is true that you may get fleeced at Chor (Chira) Bazaar!!! ======END============= ================ THINGS TO PROVE YOU'RE A BOMBAYITE. ================ 1. You say "town " and expect everyone to know that this means south of Churchgate. 2. You speak in a dialect of Hindi called 'Bambaiya Hindi',which only Bombayites can understand. 3. Your door has more than three locks. 4. Rs 500 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag. 5. Train timings (9.27, 10.49 etc) are really important events of life. 6. You spend more time each month traveling than you spend at home. 7. You call an 8' x 10' clustered room a Hall. 8. You're paying Rs 10,000 for a 1 room flat, the size of walk-in closet and you think it's a "steal." 9. You have the following sets of friend: school friends, college friends,neighborhood friends, office friends and yes, train friends,a species unique only in Bombay. 10. Cabbies and bus conductors think you are from Mars if you call the roads by their Indian name, they are more familiar with Warden Road, Peddar Road, Altamount Road. 11. Stock market quotes are the only other thing besides cricket which you follow passionately. 12. The first thing that you read in the Times of India is the "Bombay Times" supplement. 13. You take fashion seriously. You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you. 14. Hookers, beggars and the homeless are invisible. 15. You compare Bombayto New York's Manhattan instead of any other cities of India. 16. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn. 17. You insist on calling CST as VT, and Sahar and Santacruz airports instead of Chatrapati Shivaji International Airport. 18. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression. 19. Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes. 20. Being truly alone makes you nervous. 21. You love wading through knee deep mucky water in the monsoons, and actually call it ''romantic'. 22. Only in Bombay, you would get Chinese Dosa and Jain Chicken. 23. You call traffic policemen as 'Pandus" and expect out-of-towners to understand that ==========END============ ========================= FABULOUS & ASTONISHING FACTS OF NATURE and CREATION ASTONISHING FACTS : ========================= 1) BOOK WITHOUT LETTER 'e': GADFY , written by Earnest Wright in 1939 is a 50,000+ word book, which doesn't contain a single word with ' e ' in it 2) BRAIN: Organ of body which has no sensation when cut . 3) CROCODILE: Only animal & reptile which sheds tear while eating . 4) No of Alphabets, which SOUND AS WORDS: ========================== B Bee C Sea G Zee I Eye Q Queue R Are S Yes T Tea U You Y Why ========END======== =================================== FASCINATING ANIMALS, BIRDS, TREES =================================== 1) SNAILS have 14175 teeth laid along 135 rows on their tounge. 2) A BUTTERFLY has 12,000 eyes. 3) DOLPHINS sleep with 1 eye open. 4) A BLUE WHALE can eat as much as 3 tonnes of food everyday, but at the same time can live without food for 6 months. 5) The EARTH has over 12,00,000 species of animals, 3,00,000 species of plants & 1,00,000 other species. 6) The fierce DINOSAUR was TRYNOSAURS which has sixty long & sharp teeth, used to attack & eat other dinosaurs. 7) DIMETRODON was a mammal like REPTILE with a snail on its back. This acted as a radiator to cool the body of the animal. 8) CASSOWARY is one of the dangerous BIRD, that can kill a man or animal by tearing off with its dagger like claw. 9) The SWAN has over 25,000 feathers in its body. 10) OSTRICH eats pebbles to help digestion by grinding up the ingested food. 11) POLAR BEAR can look clumsy & slow but during chase on ice, can reach 25 miles / hr of speed. 12) KIWIS are the only birds, which hunt by sense of smell. 13) ELEPHANT teeth can weigh as much as 9 pounds. 14) OWL is the only bird, which can rotate its head to 270 degrees. ==========END===================== =============== WHAT ARE THEY ? =============== 1) If we say 'MUMMY', they come together & go apart when we say 'DADDY': LIPS 2) What goes up & never comes down: AGE 3) Patches over patches but no stitches: CABBAGE 4) What is that we cannot see, but is always before you: FUTURE 5) What goes up & down a hill, but never moves: ROAD 6) You can never wet it: SHADOW 7) What belongs to to You, but used by your friends more often you do: YOUR NAME ==========END============ ========================== IN 24 HOURS AVERAGE HUMAN ========================== 1) HEART beats 1,03,689 times. 2) LUNGS respire 23,045 times. 3) BLOOD flows 16,80,000 miles. 4) NAILS grow 0.00007 inches 5) HAIR grows 0.01715 inches 6) Take 2.9 pounds WATER (including all liquids) 7) Take of 3.25 pounds FOOD. 8) Breathe 438 cubic feet AIR. 9) Lose 85.60, BODY TEMPERATURE. 10) Produce 1.43 pints SWEAT. 11) Speak 4,800 WORDS. 12) During SLEEP move 25.4 times ==========END============ ========================= SIMPLE THINGS IN LIFE: Apply Them and GET Reply. ========================= Have a firm handshake. Look people in the eye. Sing in the shower. Own a great stereo system. If in a fight, hit first and hit hard. Keep secrets. Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday. Always accept an outstretched hand. Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference. Whistle. Avoid sarcastic remarks. Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 per cent of all your happiness or misery. Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out. Lend only those books you never care to see again. Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have. When playing games with children, let them win. Give people a second chance, but not a third. Be romantic. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know. Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems. Don't allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It's there for your convenience, not the caller's. Be a good loser. Be a good winner. Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret. When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go. Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born. Keep it simple. Beware of the person who has nothing to lose. Don't burn bridges. You'll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river. Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the one's you did. Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them. Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who helped you. Take charge of your attitude. Don't let someone else choose it for you. Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only stay a few minutes. Begin each day with some of your favorite music. Once in a while, take the scenic route. Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, 'Someone who thinks you're terrific.' Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice. Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table. Million-dollar ideas sometimes strike at 3 a.m. Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job. Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later. Make someone's day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you. Become someone's hero. Marry only for love. Count your blessings. Compliment the meal when you're a guest in someone's home. Wave at the children on a school bus. Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with people. Don't expect life to be fair =======END============ ========================== In short,they were these! Got it? ========================== MOPED is the short term for 'Motorized Pedaling'. POP MUSIC is 'Popular Music' shortened. BUS is the short term for 'Omnibus' that means everybody. FORTNIGHT comes from 'Fourteen Nights' (Two Weeks). DRAWING ROOM was actually a 'withdrawing room' where people withdrew after Dinner. Later the prefix 'with' was dropped. NEWS refers to information from Four directions N, E, W and S. AG-MARK, which some products bear, stems from 'Agricultural Marketing'. JOURNAL is a diary that tells about 'Journey for a day' during each Day's business. QUEUE comes from 'Queen's Quest'. Long back a long row of people as waiting to see the Queen. Someone made the comment Queen's Quest. TIPS come from 'To Insure Prompt Service'. In olden days to get Prompt service from servants in an inn, travelers used to drop coins in a Box on which was written 'To Insure Prompt Service'. This gave rise to the custom of Tips. JEEP is a vehicle with unique Gear system. It was invented during World War II (1939-1945). It was named 'General Purpose Vehicle (GP)'. GP was changed into JEEP later. Aug.16,2005 ====================== =============== ----------------------------- AMAZING ANAGRAMS ----------------------------- =============== ------------------------------------ Wonder who had the time !!! Incredible Additions ------------------------------------ Tony Blair = Only a Brit Hansie Cronje = A sincere John A Telephone Girl = Repeating "Hello" Debit card = Bad credit Dame Agatha Christie = I am a death case, right? Conversation = Voices rant on Heavy rain = Hire a Navy Statue of Liberty = Built to stay free Stone Age = Stage One ------------------------------------- ///////////////////////////// Anagrams that mean same ?? :-) \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ Animosity = Is No Amity Dormitory = Dirty Room Desperation = A Rope Ends It Evangelist = Evil's Agent The Morse Code = Here Come Dots Slot Machines = Cash Lost in 'em Mother-in-law = Woman Hitler Punishment = Nine thumps A Shoplifter = Has to pilfer Snooze Alarms = Alas! No More Z's Alec Guinness = Genuine Class Semolina = Is No Meal The Public Art Galleries = Large Picture Halls, I Bet A Decimal Point = I'm a Dot in Place The Earthquakes = That Queer Shake Eleven plus two = Twelve plus one Contradiction = Accord not in it Astronomer = Moon Starer Year Two Thousand = A Year To Shut Down ************** Truly Amazing *************** [From Hamlet by Shakespeare] To be or not to be; that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. ============ In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten. ============= Politician Anagrams ============= George Bush = He bugs Gore George Herbert Walker Bush = Huge Berserk Rebel Warthog Leroy Newton Gingrich = Yon Right-winger Clone Margaret Thatcher = That great charmer Princess Diana = End Is A Car Spin Ronald Wilson Reagan = A long-insane Warlord (or Insane Anglo warlord) Ronald Reagan = A darn long era The Conservative Party = Teacher in vast poverty !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Grand Finale !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind." - Neil A. Armstrong ========== A thin man ran; makes a large stride; left planet, pins flag on moon! On to Mars =======END=========== ======================= Languages by Countries ======================= Afghanistan Pashtu, Dari Persian, other Turkic and minor languages Albania Albanian (Tosk is the official dialect), Greek Algeria Arabic (official), French, Berber dialects Andorra Catal� (official), French, Castilian, Portuguese Angola Portuguese (official), Bantu and other African languages Antigua and Barbuda English (official), local dialects Argentina Spanish (official), English, Italian, German, French Armenia Armenian 96%, Russian 2%, other 2% Australia English, native languages Austria German 98% (official nationwide); Slovene, Croatian, Hungarian (each official in one region) Azerbaijan Azerbaijani Turkic 89%, Russian 3%, Armenian 2%, other 6% (1995 est.) Bahamas English (official), Creole (among Haitian immigrants) Bahrain Arabic, English, Farsi, Urdu Bangladesh Bangla (official), English Barbados English Belarus Belorussian (White Russian), Russian, other Belgium Dutch (Flemish) 60%, French 40%, German less than 1% (all official); legally bilingual (Dutch and French) Belize English (official), Spanish, Mayan, Garifuna (Carib), Creole Benin French (official), Fon, Yoruba, tribal languages Bhutan Dzongkha (official), Tibetan dialects (among Bhotes), Nepalese dialects (among Nepalese) Bolivia Spanish, Quechua, Aymara (all official) Bosnia and Herzegovina Bosnian, Croatian, Serbian (all official) Botswana English (official), Setswana Brazil Portuguese (official), Spanish, English, French Brunei Darussalam Malay (official), English, Chinese Bulgaria Bulgarian; secondary languages strongly correspond to ethnic breakdown Burkina Faso French (official); native African (Sudanic) languages 90% Burundi Kirundi and French (official), Swahili Cambodia Khmer (official), French, English Cameroon French, English (both official); 24 major African language groups Canada English 59.3%, French 23.2% (both official); other 17.5% Cape Verde Portuguese, Criuolo Central African Republic French (official), Sangho (lingua franca, national), tribal languages Chad French, Arabic (both official); Sara; more than 120 languages and dialects Chile Spanish China Standard Chinese (Mandarin/Putonghua), Yue (Cantonese), Wu (Shanghaiese), Minbei (Fuzhou), Minnan (Hokkien-Taiwanese), Xiang, Gan, Hakka dialects, minority languages Colombia Spanish Comoros Arabic and French (both official), Shikomoro (Swahili/Arabic blend) Congo, Republic of French (official), Lingala, Monokutuba, Kikongo, many local languages and dialects Congo, Democratic Republic of the French (official), Lingala, Kingwana, Kikongo, Tshiluba Costa Rica Spanish (official), English C?d'Ivoire French (official) and African languages (Diaula esp.) Croatia Croatian 96% (official), other 4% (including Italian, Hungarian, Czech, Slovak, German) Cuba Spanish Cyprus Greek, Turkish (both official); English Czech Republic Czech Denmark Danish, Faeroese, Greenlandic (Inuit dialect), German; English is the predominant second language Djibouti French and Arabic (both official), Somali, Afar Dominica English (official) and French patois Dominican Republic Spanish East Timor Tetum, Portuguese (official); Bahasa Indonesia, English; other indigenous languages, including Tetum, Galole, Mambae, and Kemak Ecuador Spanish (official), Quechua, other Amerindian languages Egypt Arabic (official), English and French widely understood by educated classes El Salvador Spanish, Nahua (among some Amerindians) Equatorial Guinea Spanish, French (both official); pidgin English, Fang, Bubi, Ibo Eritrea Afar, Arabic, Tigre and Kunama, Tigrinya, other Cushitic languages Estonia Estonian (official), Russian, Ukrainian, Finnish, other Ethiopia Amharic (official), Tigrigna, Orominga, Guaragigna, Somali, Arabic, English, over 70 others Fiji English (official), Fijian, Hindustani Finland Finnish 93.4%, Swedish 5.9% (both official); small Sami- (Lapp) and Russian-speaking minorities France French 100%, rapidly declining regional dialects (Proven硬, Breton, Alsatian, Corsican, Catalan, Basque, Flemish) Gabon French (official), Fang, Myene, Bateke, Bapounou/Eschira, Bandjabi Gambia, The English (official), Mandinka, Wolof, Fula, other indigenous Georgia Georgian 71% (official), Russian 9%, Armenian 7%, Azerbaijani 6%, other 7% (Abkhaz is the official language in Abkhazia) Germany German Ghana English (official), African languages (including Akan, Moshi-Dagomba, Ewe, and Ga) Greece Greek 99% (official), English, French Grenada English (official), French patois Guatemala Spanish 60%, Amerindian languages 40% (23 officially recognized Amerindian languages, including Quiche, Cakchiquel, Kekchi, Mam, Garifuna, and Xinca) Guinea French (official), native tongues (Malink� Susu, Fulani) Guinea-Bissau Portuguese (official), Criolo, African languages Guyana English (official), Amerindian dialects, Creole, Hindi, Urdu Haiti Creole and French (both official) Honduras Spanish (official), Amerindian dialects; English widely spoken in business Hungary Magyar (Hungarian), 98.2%; other, 1.8% Iceland Icelandic, English, Nordic languages, German widely spoken India Hindi (official), English (official), Bengali, Gujarati, Kashmiri, Malayalam, Marathi, Oriya, Punjabi, Tamil, Telugu, Urdu, Kannada, Assamese, Sanskrit, Sindhi (all recognized by the constitution). Dialects, 1,600+ Indonesia Bahasa Indonesia (official), English, Dutch, Javanese, and more than 580 other languages and dialects Iran Persian and Persian dialects 58%, Turkic and Turkic dialects 26%, Kurdish 9%, Luri 2%, Balochi 1%, Arabic 1%, Turkish 1%, other 2% Iraq Arabic (official), Kurdish (official in Kurdish regions), Assyrian, Armenian Ireland English, Irish (Gaelic) Israel Hebrew (official), Arabic, English Italy Italian (official); German-, French-, and Slovene-speaking minorities Jamaica English, Jamaican Creole Japan Japanese Jordan Arabic (official), English Kazakhstan Kazak (Qazaq, state language) 64.4%; Russian (official, used in everyday business) 95% (2001 est.) Kenya English (official), Swahili (national), and several other languages spoken by 25 ethnic groups Kiribati English (official), I-Kiribati (Gilbertese) Korea, North Korean Korea, South Korean, English widely taught Kuwait Arabic (official), English Kyrgyzstan Kyrgyz, Russian (both official) Laos Lao (official), French, English, various ethnic languages Latvia Latvian (official), Lithuanian, Russian, other Lebanon Arabic (official), French, English, Armenian Lesotho English, Sesotho (both official); Zulu, Xhosa Liberia English 20% (official), some 20 ethnic-group languages Libya Arabic, Italian and English widely understood in major cities Liechtenstein German (official), Alemannic dialect Lithuania Lithuanian (official), Polish, Russian Luxembourg Luxermbourgish (national) French, German (both administrative) Macedonia Macedonian 68%, Albanian 25% (both official); Turkish 3%, Serbo-Croatian 2%, other 2% Madagascar Malagasy and French (both official) Malawi English and Chichewa (both official), others important regionally Malaysia Bahasa Melayu (Malay, official), English, Chinese dialects (Cantonese, Mandarin, Hokkien, Hakka, Hainan, Foochow), Tamil, Telugu, Malayalam, Panjabi, Thai; several indigenous languages (including Iban, Kadazan) in East Malaysia Maldives Maldivian Dhivehi (official); English spoken by most government officials Mali French (official), Bambara 80%, numerous African languages Malta Maltese and English (both official) Marshall Islands Marshallese (two major dialects from the Malayo-Polynesian family), English (both official); Japanese Mauritania Hassaniya Arabic, Wolof (both official); Pulaar, Soninke, French Mauritius English, French (both official); Creole, Hindi, Urdu, Hakka, Bojpoori Mexico Spanish, various Mayan, Nahuatl, and other regional indigenous languages Micronesia English (official, common), Chukese, Pohnpeian, Yapase, Kosrean, Ulithian, Woleaian, Nukuoro, Kapingamarangi Moldova Moldovan (official; virtually the same as Romanian), Russian, Gagauz (a Turkish dialect) Monaco French (official), English, Italian, Mon駡sque Mongolia Mongolian, 90%; also Turkic and Russian (1999) Morocco Arabic (official), Berber dialects, French often used for business, government, and diplomacy Mozambique Portuguese (official), Bantu languages Myanmar Burmese, minority languages Namibia English 7% (official), Afrikaans common language of most of the population and about 60% of the white population, German 32%, indigenous languages: Oshivambo, Herero, Nama Nauru Nauruan (official), English Nepal Nepali 90% (official), over 40 other languages and major dialects, English (1995) The Netherlands Dutch, Frisian (both official) New Zealand English, Maori (both official) Nicaragua Spanish (official); English and indigenous languages on Atlantic coast Niger French (official), Hausa, Djerma Nigeria English (official), Hausa, Yoruba, Ibo, Fulani, and more than 200 others Norway Bokm� Norwegian, Nynorsk Norwegian (both official); small Sami- and Finnish-speaking minorities Oman Arabic (official), English, Baluchi, Urdu, Indian dialects Pakistan Punjabi 48%, Sindhi 12%, Siraiki (a Punjabi variant) 10%, Pashtu 8%, Urdu (official) 8%, Balochi 3%, Hindko 2%, Brahui 1%, English, Burushaski, and others 8% Palau English (official everywhere); Palau (official in all states but those following); Sonsoralese (official in Sonsoral); Tobi (official in Tobi); Angaur and Japanese (official in Angaur) Palestinian State (proposed) Arabic, Hebrew, English Panama Spanish (official), English 14%, many bilingual Papua New Guinea Tok Pisin (Melanesian Pidgin, the lingua franca), Hiri Motu (in Papua region), English 1?2%; 715 indigenous languages Paraguay Spanish, Guaran���both official) Peru Spanish, Qu飨ua (both official); Aymara; many minor Amazonian languages The Philippines Filipino (based on Tagalog), English (both official); eight major dialects: Tagalog, Cebuano, Ilocano, Hiligaynon or Ilonggo, Bicol, Waray, Pampango, and Pangasinense Poland Polish Portugal Portuguese (official), Mirandese (official, but locally used) Qatar Arabic (official); English a common second language Romania Romanian (official), Hungarian, German Russia Russian, others Rwanda Kinyarwanda, French, and English (all official); Kiswahili in commercial centers St. Kitts and Nevis English St. Lucia English (official), French patois St. Vincent and the Grenadines English, French patois Samoa Samoan, English San Marino Italian S� Tom� �nd Pr���ipe Portuguese (official) Saudi Arabia Arabic Senegal French (official); Wolof, Pulaar, Jola, Mandinka Serbia and Montenegro Serbian (official) 95%, Albanian 5% Seychelles Seselwa Creole, English, French (all official) Sierra Leone English (official), Mende (southern vernacular), Temne (northern vernacular), Krio (lingua franca) Singapore Malay (national), Mandarin Chinese, Tamil, English (all official) Slovakia Slovak (official), Hungarian Slovenia Slovenian 92%, Serbo-Croatian 6.2%, other 1.8% Solomon Islands English 1%?2% (official), Melanesian pidgin (lingua franca), 120 indigenous languages Somalia Somali (official), Arabic, English, Italian South Africa Afrikaans, English, Ndebele, Pedi, Sotho, Swazi, Tsonga, Tswana, Venda, Xhosa, Zulu (all 11 official) Spain Castilian Spanish 74% (official nationwide); Catalan 17%, Galician 7%, Basque 2% (each official regionally) Sri Lanka Sinhala 74% (official and national), Tamil 18% (national), other 8%; English is commonly used in government and spoken competently by about 10% Sudan Arabic (official), Nubian, Ta Bedawie, diverse dialects of Nilotic, Nilo-Hamitic, Sudanic languages, English Suriname Dutch (official), Surinamese (lingua franca), English widely spoken, Hindustani, Javanese Swaziland English, siSwati (both official) Sweden Swedish, small Sami- and Finnish-speaking minorities Switzerland German 63.7%, French 12.9%, Italian 7.6%, Romansch 0.6% (all official); other 8.9% Syria Arabic (official); Kurdish, Armenian, Aramaic, Circassian widely understood; French, English somewhat understood Aug.14,2005 ============================ ================== GREAT THINKING ================== Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind. You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future. Love...and you shall be loved. God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him. All people smile in the same language. Everyone needs to be loved... especially when they do not deserve it. The real measure of a man's wealth is what he has invested in eternity. Laughter is God's sunshine. Everyone has beauty but not everyone sees it. It's important for parents to live the same things they teach. Thank God for what you have, TRUST GOD for what you need. If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow, you have no today to be thankful for. Man looks at outward appearance but the Lord looks within. The choice you make today will usually affect tomorrow. Take time to laugh, for it is the music of the soul. Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears. Love is strengthened by working through conflicts together. . Harsh words break no bones but they do break hearts. To get out of a difficulty, one usually must go through it. We take for granted the things that we should be giving thanks for. Love is the only thing that can be divided without being diminished. Happiness is enhanced by others but does not depend upon others. For every minute you are angry with someone, you lose 60 seconds of happiness that you can never get back. Do what you can, for who you can, with what you have, and where you are ============================ =========== Good Laughing ============= ************************************** *************************************** * ************************************** Sagaai hui... Shadi Hui... Biwi ghar main aayi... ghar SWARG ban gaya... aur main...SWARGWASI... *************************************** *************************************** * ************************************** They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense *************************************** *************************************** *************************************** its difficult 2 understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?! *************************************** *************************************** *************************************** It takes thousand workers 2 build a castle Million soldiers 2 protect a country BUT Just ONE woman 2 make a Happy HOME! Let's Thank ......KAAMWALI *************************************** *************************************** *************************************** After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice. He Chcked 1st patient eyes, tongue & ears by TORCh & finally said BOLE TO.......... TORCH THEEEEK HAI *************************************** *************************************** *************************************** What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side! *************************************** *************************************** *************************************** Ladka: Janeman is dil mein aaja. Ladki: Sandal nikalu kya? Ladka: Pagli mandir thodi hi hai, aise hi aaja!! *************************************** *************************************** *************************************** It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered *************************************** *************************************** *************************************** A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST. A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE.. A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.! ********************* Mashooka: Lagta hai meri aankh mein kuch gir gaya, dekho to Mashook: ek tinka dikh to raha hai, kyon na usey wahin rahne diya jaye, main doobonga to sahara dega ********************** Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat. Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho? Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai? Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha 7/3/2005 ===================== ====== ================== Details about BOMBAY [now MUMBAI] ======================== Motorised taxis first appeared first on Mumbai roads in 1911. Mumbai singlehandedly handles about 25% of the domestic and 38% of the international air passenger traffic in the country. Mumbai's suburban rail systems carry a total of 2.2 billion passengers every year. Incidentally, the world's population is 6 billion. Mumbai's literacy rate is 85.6% (female: 82.7%, male: 90%) compared with India's overall literacy of 65.4%. Mumbai's per capita income is Rs 48,954. This is almost three times the national average! At the end of financial year 2002-03, Mumbai paid Rs 28,000 crore in taxes, 35% of India's collection of Rs 82,000 crore! Mumbai city and its suburbs get, on an average, 2160 mm (85 inches) of rainfall every year. As of June 2003, there are an incredible 982 villages in the Mumbai Metropolitan Region. The orig inal Walkeshwar Temple was destroyed by the Portuguese, but was rebuilt by Rama Kamath in 1715. Bombay University was founded in 1857 at the Town Hall, and was shifted to the new complex near Oval Maidan in 1874. The Elphinstone College was originally built for the Government Central Press at a cost of Rs 7.5 lakh. The city's first church - the St Thomas Cathedral - was built at Horniman Circle in 1718. The first post office in Bombay was opened in 1832 at the residence of the junior magistrate of police at Byculla. The Stearns & Kittredge company was given permission in 1874 to start Bombay's first tram service with a fleet of 900 horses. : 2 : The East India Company appointed Sir George Oxenden the first governor of Bombay in 1668. Until 1864, the city's highest ranking police officer was called Police Chief. Post 1864, the title was changed to Police Commissioner. Mumbai's first Indian police commissioner was J S Bharucha who took over from A E Caffin on August 15, 1947. Sir Frank Souter was Mumbai's first Police Commissioner. He remained in office for a record 24 years between 1664 and 1688. Mumbai's first policemen employed by the British were called the Bhandari Militia. They were set up in 1669. Mumbai's police out-post was set up in 1661. The famous architect George Wittet designed sev eral landmark buildings in Mumbai, including the Prince of Wales Museum and the Gateway of India. The General Post Office, completed in 1909, has its impressive dome modelled after the Gol Gumbaz in Bijapur. The last British troops to leave India, the First Battalion of the Somerset Light Infantry, passed through the Gateway of India in a ceremony on February 28, 1948. The Gateway of India, with a maximum height of 83 feet, was completed in 1924 with a cost of Rs 21 lakh. The Flora Fountain was built in 1864 by the Agri-Horticultural Society of Western India from a donation by Cursetjee Fardoonjee Parekh. The Hanging Gardens at Malabar Hill was built over three reservoirs which can store up to 300 lakh gallons of water 7/4/2005 ==========END================ ============================ Miscellaneous; Sundries; But Laughable ============================ If marriages are made in heaven , then what are made in Hell? Ans : the days after marriage During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom is made to sit on the horse ? He is given his last chance to run away. Just close ur eyes and think of urself for 10 seconds...... Open ur eyes ! Now you will realize that u have wasted 10 sec in thinking of a fool............ A guy to his GF : I wrote ur name on the sands.... it got washed away, I wrote ur name in air.......... it got blown away, So i wrote ur name in my heart... i got a HEART ATTACK LOVE is like a CIGAR It starts with a fire..... continues with smoke.....and ends in ashes... But dont worry - we are chain smokers January to december sunday to saturday Am to Pm My feelings for u have never changed.. u.... R.... always.... a HEADACHE to me !!!! ur smile can be compared to a flower ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo ur inocence to a child but in stupidity u have no comparison u r the best True love is like a pillow u can hug when u r in trouble u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy so when u need true love spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow Dear Friend, when i ask u flower, u give me bouquet when i ask u a stone u give me a statue when i ask u a feather u give me peacock ARE U REALLY DEAF ? I had VODKA with WATER I felt DRUNK I had WHISKY with WATER I felt DRUNK I had RUM with WATER I felt DRUNK I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!! Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence ... Student : WOW ! The human brain is most outstanding thing....... it functions 24hrs 365 days..... it functions right from the time u r Born....until you fall in love SMILE - is a language of love SMILE - is a source to win hearts... SMILE - creates greatness in ur personality SO.... Brush ur Teeth today onwards A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min.. A beer shortens your life by 4 min.. A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!.. History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ? Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir.... Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the class Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age hitler commited 8:45 AM 7/13/2005 ============================= This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian ... Chinese walks into a bar in Americalate one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our PearlHabour, get outta here."The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carsberg, you're all the same 8:49 AM 7/13/2005 ==========END================ ============================= LONGEST DOMAIN NAME. longest domain name ============================= http://www.iamtheproudownerofthelongestlong estlongestdomainnameinthisworld.com/ ==========END================ ========================= LANDMARKS IN INDIAN RAILWAYS ========================= 1843 - Lord Dalhousie conceived the possibility of connecting INDIA by means of Railway Communication. 1844 - First proposal for the construction of Railways. 1847 - Lord Dalhousie appointed as Governor-General of India. 1849 - Agreement made for setting up experimental line by EIR and GIPR in Calcutta and Bombay respectively. 1850 - "The Battle of Gauges" was settled and standard gauge of 5 1851-52 - First Steam Locomotive in India Thomason and Lord Falkland First Broad Guage steam locomotive arrived. 1853 - First Train, Broad Gauge started on 16/04/1853 in Bombay from Bori Bunder to Thane. 1854 - First run in Calcutta area from Howrah to Hooghly 1855 - Fairy Queen Steam Engine came in service. 1856 - First run in Madras area from Veyasarpaudy to Walajah Raod (Arcot). 1856-65 - First Ghats-The challenging construction of Bhor & Thul Ghats including Tunnels. 1863 - Ramgotti Steam engine worked on Nalhati Railway of 4 Gauge line in EIR 1866-72 - Calcutta linked with Delhi, Amritsar and Bombay. Bombay linked with Madras, Cochin etc.JAMALPUR workshop in East and PAREL Workshop in West set up for maintenance of rolling stock etc. 1870 - First Native-State Railway-Khamgaon. 1873 - First Metre Gauge line opened from Delhi to Farukhnagar. 1873 - First Metre Gauge line opened from Delhi to Farukhnagar. 1874-79 - Railways supplied food and water in affected areas during dreaded FAMINE. 1881 - First Hill Railway ( DHR narrow Gauge-2 ) towards Darjeeling opened. 1887 - One of the most beautiful Station/Office building of the World Bombay V.T. constructed. 1907 - Zero Gauge (Mono-Rail-PSMT) of Maharaja Patiala started and it still works in Delhi at National Rail Museum. 1925 - First Electric Train introduced by GIPR.Railway Finance seperated from General Finance for strengthening the Organisation. 1945 - First Diesel Engine introduced by EIR. 1947-51 - Formation of Indian Railways and then its division into Zonal Railways. 1971 - Foundation stone of National Rail Museum, Delhi was laid by President Sh. V.V. Giri opened the National Rail Museum for Public on 1st of February. Museum is of international fame for Preservation and Promotion of Heritage Tourism, Education and Entertainment. 1984 - Introduction of First Metro Rail in Calcutta. 1998 - Guiness certificate for being the oldest working Steam Locomotive was granted to Fairy Queen. 1999 - First Hill Railway ( DHR narrow Gauge-2 ) towards Darjeeling declared as World Heritage Site by UNESCO. 2000 - Guiness Certification for delhi main station as world largest route. 2001 - First Milleneum parcel express between Navi Mumbai & Kolkata 2002 - First Heritage Steam Shed at Rewari dedicated to the Nation 2003 - First Jan Shatabadi Express ====================== Eras of Indian Railway Construction ====================== ? During the early days of railways, little attention was paid to what have now become architectural wonders - the Railway Stations. ? The earliest of these were no more than unimpressive sheds providing a 'landing' place for incoming trains. The sheds were intended to offer shelter from the weather. ? Early railway stations were considered necessary but were of very temporary convenience from which the passengers hurried as soon as possible. ? In India, station buildings vary. Some are no more than a collection of old wagons and coaches, while there are others as outstanding in architectural design and as well provided in ordinary amenities for the passengers, as anywhere in the world. ? The average railway station in India consists of a brick structure providing accommodation for offices, a waiting hall for passengers. In addition, according to the importance of station or the pressure of passengers traffic, provision is made for separate waiting rooms for passengers of various classes, for men and women and for refreshment rooms and restaurants. ? Separate station offices, platforms and sheds are generally provided to deal with goods traffic. ? Over-bridges and sometimes underground subways enable passengers to cross from one platform to the other. ======= STATIONS ======= ? Of the seven railway stations in the world having the longest railway platforms, as many as five are in India, being Sonepur with the longest platform in the world (2,415 feet), Kharagpur (2,350 feet), Lucknow (2250 feet), Bezwada (2100 feet) and Jhansi (2,025 feet). ? The general looks and the basic facilities provided at the railway stations is almost same in India, but there are several whose structural beauty, architectural design and general layout make them outstanding. Victoria Terminus :- Among the best and earliest ones is the Victoria Terminus in Mumbai. It derived its name from Queen Victoria because the station building was formally opened on Jubliee Day in 1887. Originally Victoria Terminus was intended to accommodate only the office and the main station. Since 1887, additional buildings at adjoining sites have been erected. The annexed building was used as hospital during the 1914 - 18 World War, and is now used for offices. The new station building was opened in 1929, to deal with the main line traffic. The additions were so designed as to harmonise with architectural magnificence of the 1887 building and to create an impressive composited effect. The old and the new stations together comprised on the largest and busiest station terminals anywhere in the world. Designed by the famous architect, F.W. Stevens in 1887, Victoria Terminus is Gothic- Saracenic in style, with a series of well proportioned and delicately ornamented arches, giving it a look of a grand cathedral. The lancet windows in the tower are of ornate-stained glass, and like the rest of the building are made out of solid cut-stone masonry, superimposed by delicate artisitc work, designed in plaster. The arches and the windws are ventian in style and overlook a 1,500 feet facade. The double columns which support the arches of verandahs and colonnades are of marble. Italian granite has been freely used for interior decoration. Howrah :- Overlooking the banks of the Hooghly, is the Howrah railway station, constructed in colourful red brick, dating back in its present form to 1906, dimensionally, it is larger than any station in India. The site now occupied by the Howrah railway station orginally belonged to a missionary orphanage run by Portuguese Dominicans, by the side of which was located a small church. During 19th century the orphanage was shifted to Calcutta. The site was later sold to East Indian Railway. More utilitarian in style than ornamental, Howrah has large concourse opening, into the various platforms on one side, and surrounded on all others by offices, retiring rooms and waiting halls. There is no station in the world where so many vehicles of such variety - public buses, trams, motor cars, horse carriages, bullock carts, push carts, ordinary ricksaws and bicycles - can be seen plying back and forth at all times of the day and night. Stations with Local touch :- The Railway stations at Lucknow and Kanpur built in 1926 and 1928 are distinctively indigenous and yet modern. The several domes and towers are of Indo - Saracen design intended to harmonise with architecture peculiar to some of the important historical buildings in Lucknow, and dating back to the days of Nawabs of Oudh. The buildings constructed in red brick have a long facade of wise verandahs adorned with Moughal arches. A central portico leads to spacious lobby, on both side of which on two floors are administrative offices. refreshment rooms, waiting halls and retiring rooms. Constructed along the length of station, and approached by over-bridge and sub-ways are a number of platforms runing into enormous lengths of receiving incoming and outgoing traffic. Railway stations in Rajputana, at Jaipur, Jodhpur, Ajmer, Ratlam, Udaipur etc. have a distinctly Rajput motif. Stations at Hyderabad and Secunderabad have been designed with a Deccanese touch. Railway stations of Delhi, Amritsar, Patna, Gaya, Banaras, Allahabad, Nagpur, Madras, Erode, Trichinopoly etc. have elegant modern buildings but it is difficult to classify their structural design. The Station buildings of various hill railways are of exotic shape and form. The railway stations at Simla, Solan, Dharampur, Ootacamundalam, Kurseong etc. have sloping roofs and look like cottages transplanted from the Alpine regions. METRO RAILWAYS: TURNING POINT IN INDIAN RAILWAY HISTORY 1.Kolkatta Metro Rail ? Calcutta Metro Rail Bhawan, Calcutta is located at Jawahar Lal Nehru Road, Calcutta ? Trains are run at an interval of ten minutes during morning and evening peak hours and at an interval of 15 minutes during non peak hours. ? 16 stations out of 17 were commisioned and one, Mahatma Gandhi Road was opened for public on 11 Febuary 1996. ? Commercial service Bhowanipur were partially introduced on 24th Oct. 1984 followed by other stations in stages and finally came through service between Dum Dum and Tollyguange from 27th Sept. 1995. ? Total length of line from Dum Dum to Tollyguange is 16.45 kms with 17 stations & the two terminal station. ? At present 71 trains carring an average of 2 lakhs passengers run everyday. ? Calcutta Metro has brought a great relief to the inhabitants of this area interms of saving journey time, comfortable & pollution free travel. ? Tollyguange and Dum Dum are on the surface and rest 15 are under ground. 2. Metro Railway Chennai ?In Phase one, a project covering distance of 8.66 km, consisting of 2.70 km on the surface alligned to three stations Chennai Beach, Chennai Fort and Park Town and 6.22 km of elevated alignment with five stations Chintadripet, Cheapuk, Tiruvalikeni, Light House and Tirumalai. ? Located at Periyar EVR High Road, Egmore. ? Mass Rapid Transit System from chennai Beach to Trimailai having length 8.97 kms. and is in operation since 19th Oct. 1997. ? System is designed as Broad Gauge Double Line with 5 Kv AC Traction and with conventional EML trains running not only in MRTS System but also extending to all Suburban Systems in Chennai. ? The total cost of the project is 260 crores, fully funded by Indian Railways except for the land. ? Certain works like provision of roof over stations, provision of lifts etc. have been completed and few provisions like parking facilities etc. are in progress. ? Phase II i.e extension from Trimailai to Velacherry having length 10.80 kms. and costing Rs. 733 crores is also under progress and is programmed to be completed by the year 2002. Metro Railway Delhi ? Delhi Metro Rail Corporation, situated at NBDC Place, Pragati Vihar is a joint venture company of Government of India Ministry of Urban Affairs and Government of National Capital Territory of Delhi (GNCTD) . ? A train is planned after every 3 minutes during peak hours. ? It was set up in May 1995 on 50:50 partnership basis for implementation of Delhi Mass Rapid Transport System (MRTS). ? It is expected that MRT System will carry about 3.2 million passengers per day on completion by 2021. ? First phase of MRTS was approved by Union Cabinet in September 1996 . ? It was modified and will be costing arround Rs. 4860 crores and will comprise of 11 km. of underground metro corridor and 44.30 kms. of elevated/surface rail corridors. There will be 45 stations with 10 on metro corridor and 35 on rail corridor. Metro Railway Mumbai ? This line connects the developing twin city New Mumbai to island city Mumbai. ? A third pair of track between Bandra and Andheri was constructed and opened to traffic in 1995. ? Metro Politan Transport Project located at 2nd Floor, Churchgate Station, Buldg. Annexe, Mumbai is carrying out number of projects for augmenting capacity of the suburban rail network. Out of these few are - ? This is third pair of track between Kurla and Thane and is under construction. ? It is opened for traffic since 1993 . ? Extension of Railway line between Mankhurd and Belapur . ? This pair provides independent corridor for Harbour branch of Central Railway upto Andheri. ? This will ease the EMU service upto Panvel from Mumbai CST. ? This project will double the existing single line between Belapur and Panvel. ? Doubling of Belapur-Panvel ? Estimated cost of all these projects is Rs. 190 millions. ? Additional pair of track between Kurla & Thane ? Additional pair of line between Bandra and Andheri =============END============= ============== 99 Names of ALLAH: NAMES MEANINGS ============== AL-MUSAWWIR THE FASHIONER AL-BARI' THE EVOLVER AL-KHALIQ THE CREATOR AL-MUTAKBBIR THE MAJESTIC AL-JABBAR THE COMPELLER AL-AZIZ THE MIGHTY AL-MUHAYMIN THE PROTECTOR AL-MU'MIN THE GUARDIAN OF FAITH AS-SALAM THE SOURCE OF PEACE AL-QUDDUS THE HOLY AL-MALIK THE SOVEREIGN LORD AR-RAHIM THE MERCIFUL AR-RAHMAN THE BENEFICENT AL-BASIR THE ALL-SEEING AS-SAMI THE ALL-HEARING AL-MUZILL THE DISHONORER AL-MU'IZZ THE HONORER AR-RAFI THE EXALTER AL-KHAFID THE ABASER AL-BASIT THE EXPANDER AL-QABID THE COSTRICTOR AL-'ALIM THE ALL-KNOWING AL-FATTAH THE OPENER AR-RAZZAQ THE PROVIDER AL-WAHHAB THE BESTOWER AL-QAHHAR THE SUBDUER AL-GHAFFAR THE FORGIVER AL-KARIM THE GENEROUS ONE AL-JALIL THE SUBLIME ONE AL-HASIB THE RECKONER AL-MUOIT THE MAINTAINER AL-HAFIZ THE PRESERVER AL-KABIR THE MOST GREAT AL-'ALI THE MOST HIGH ASH-SHAKUR THE APPRECIATIVE AL-GHAFUR THE ALL-FORGIVING AL-'AZEEM THE GREAT ONE AL-HALEEM THE FORBEARING ONE AL-KHABBIR THE AWARE AL-LATIF THE SUBTLE ONE AL-'ADL THE JUST AL-HAKAM THE JUDGE AL-MUBDI THE ORIGINATOR AL-HAMID THE PRAISEWORTHY AL-WALI THE PROTECTING FRIEND AL-MATIN THE FIRM ONE AL-QAWI THE MOST STRONG AL-WAKIL THE TRUSTEE AL-HAQQ THE TRUTH ASH-SHAHID THE WITNESS AL-BA'ITH THE RESURRECTOR AL-MAJEED THE MOST GLORIOUS ONE AL-WADUD THE LOVING AL-HAKIM THE WISE AL-WASI' THE ALL-EMBRACING AL-MUJIB THE RESPONSIVE AR-RAQIB THE WATCHFUL AL-AWWAL THE FIRST AL-MU'AKHKHIR THE DELAYER AL-MUQADDIM THE EXPEDITER AL-MUQADIR THE POWERFUL AL-QADIR THE ABLE AS-SAMAD THE ETERNAL AL-AHAD THE ONE AL-WAHID THE UNIQUE AL-MAJID THE NOBLE AL-WAJID THE FINDER AL-QAYYUM THE SELF-SUBSISTING AL-HAYY THE ALIVE AL-MUMIT THE CREATOR OF DEATH AL-MUHYI THE GIVER OF LIFE AL-MU'ID THE RESTORER AL-MUQSIT THE EQUITABLE DHUL-JALAL-WAL-IKRAM THE LORD OF MAJESTY AND BOUNTY MALIK-UL-MULK THE ETERNAL OWNER OF SOVEREIGNTY AR-RA-'UF THE COMPASSIONATE AL-AFWU THE PARDONER AL-MUNTAQIM THE AVENGER AL-TAWWAB THE ACCEPTOR OF REPENTENCE AL-BARR THE SOURCE OF ALL GOODNESS AL-MUTA'ALI THE MOST EXALTED AL-WALI THE GOVERNOR AL-BATIN THE HIDDEN AZ-ZAHIR THE MANIFEST AL-AKHIR THE LAST AS-SABUR THE PATIENT AR-RASHEED THE GUIDE TO THE RIGHT PATH AL-WARIS THE SUPREME INHERITOR AL-BAQI THE EVERLASTING AL-BADI' THE INCOMPARABLE AL-HADI THE GUIDE AN-NUR THE LIGHT AN-NAFI' THE PROPITIOUS AZ-ZARR' THE DISTRESSER AL-MANI' THE PREVENTER THE ENRICHER AL-GHANI THE SELF-SUFFICIENT AL-JAME' THE GATHERER AL-MUHSI THE =======END========== ======================= Daffynitions [! ? :)] Say Definitions if you may. ======================== Adminisphere: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard. Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do. Beauty Parlor: A place where women curl up and dye. Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. Burglarize: What a crook sees with. Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people. Chickens: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead. Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets. Craughed: To laugh and cry simultaneously. Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out. Eclipse: what an English barber does for a living. Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation. Eyedropper: a clumsy ophthalmologist. Flusterpated: Being so flustered that words get bound up inside you. Generica: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. Gossip: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage. Handkerchief: Cold Storage. Heroes: what a guy in a boat does. Inflation: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. Irritainment: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O. J. trials were a prime example. Lasterday: Any day before today. Left Bank: what the robber did after his bag was full of loot. Misty: How golfers create divots. Mosquito: An insect that makes you like flies better. Mouse Potato: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato. Onosecond: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. Paradox: two physicians. Parasites: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower. Perfect Pitch: what it is when you throw a banjo in a dumpster and it didn't hit the sides. Pharmacist: a helper on the farm. Phonecrastinate: To put off answering the phone until caller ID identifies the caller. Polarize: what penguins see with. Primate: removing your spouse from in front of the TV. Raisin: Grape with a sunburn. Relief: what trees do in the spring. Rubberneck: what you do to relax your wife. Salmon Day: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end. Seamstress: describes 250 pounds in a size six. Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. Secret: Something you tell to one person at a time. Selfish: what the owner of a seafood store does. SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney. Subdued: like, a guy, like, who works on one of those, like, submarines, man. Sudafed: bringing litigation against a government official. Swipeout: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use. Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today. Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction. Vocabularian: A person who makes up new words. Wrinkles: Something other people have. You have character lines. Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace. Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed. 404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located 7/29/2005 ========End========== ================================== Goals are dreams with deadlines. God alone is the judge of true greatness because He knows men's hearts. (Mahatma Gandhi) God answers knee-mail. God can mend a broken heart but he must have all the pieces. God created woman from the side of man. Not from his head to be above him, nor from his feet to be trampled by him. From his side to be equal to him, from under his arm to be protected by him, from near his heart to be loved by him. God creates a worm for every bird - but He does not throw it in the nest. God didn't promise us it would be easy or painless; He just promised us it would be worth it! God doesn't ask your ability or your inability. He asks only your availability. (Mary Kay Ash) God doesn't call people who are qualified. He calls people who are willing, and then He qualifies them. (Richard Parker) God doesn't discriminate ... only religions do. God gave us memories, that we might have June roses in the December of our lives. (James M. Barrie) God gave us time so that everything wouldn't happen all at once. God gave us two ears but only one mouth . . . Some people say that's because He wanted us to spend twice as much time listening as talking. Others claim it's because He knew listening was twice as hard as talking. God, give me courage to do what I can, humility to admit what I can't, and wisdom to know the difference. God give me work, till my life shall end. And life, till my work is done. (Winifred Holtby's epitaph) God gives every bird its food but he doesn't throw it to its nest. God gives us faces; we create our own expressions. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. (Reinhold Niebuhr) God has a thousand ways, Where I can see not one; When all my means have reached their end, Then His have just begun. God has given us two ears, but one tongue, to show that we should be swift to hear, but slow to speak. God has set a double fence before the tongue, the teeth and the lips, to teach us to be wary that we offend not with our tongue. (Thomas Watson) God had promised salvation to your repentance, but he has not promised tomorrow to your procrastination. God heals, and the Doctor takes the Fee. (Ben Franklin) God is God, and I'm not. (Stephen Mansfield) God is not moved or impressed with our worship until our hearts are moved and impressed by Him. (Kelly Sparks) God is too kind to do anything cruel; too wise to make a mistake; too deep to explain Himself. God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruit of the Spirit" over "religious nuts!" God loves us not because of who we are, but because of who He is. God loves us the way we are, but too much to leave us that way. God loves you right where you are but he doesn't want to leave you there. (Max Lucado) God never said it would be easy .... He just said He would go with me. (J.G. Holland) God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever. God puts some in places of leadership to shoulder responsibility, not to enjoy privileges. God sends no one away empty, except those who are full of themselves. (Dwight L. Moody) God so loved the world that He did not send a committee. God's will will not lead you where His grace cannot keep you. God tries our faith so that we may try His faithfulness. God will supply all your real needs. Golden Rule: Those who have the gold rule. Good, better, best. Never rest Until good be better And better best. (Mother Goose) Good intentions are like seed pods that blow away in the wind, but good acts are like the seed planted in fertile soil. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. Good leaders are like baseball umpires; they go practically unnoticed when doing their jobs right. (Byrd Baggett) Goodness is the only investment that never fails. (Thoreau) Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. (Plato) Good taste is boundless, while bad taste knows no bounds. Grace is the divine ability to cope with every circumstance. Grandparents: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right. Great men may die, but there ideas won't. (Kelly Nelson) Great minds ... discuss ideas. Average minds ... discuss events. Small minds ... discuss people. Greed is a lasting slavery. (Ali bin Abi Talib) Growing old is like watching a great river erode your property and knowing you are helpless to stop it. (Robert G. Easterling) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. Guests and fish start to stink after two days. (Spanish Proverb) Habit is a cable; we spin a thread of it every day and at last we can not break it. Habit never goes Because if you remove H Abit remains, If you remove A Bit remains, If you remove B It still remains Half of the world's misery comes from ignorance. The other half comes from intelligence. (Bonar Thompson) Handicapped is not helpless. Handle yourself using your brain but handle others with your heart. Handy Guide to Modern Science: 1. If it's green or it wiggles, it's biology. 2. If it stinks, it's chemistry. 3. If it doesn't work, it's physics. Happiness is a path, not a destination. Happiness is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but no one feels the warmth as you do. (J.Tilse) Happiness is not something you have in your hands; it is something you carry in you heart. Happiness is what happens to us when we try to make someone else happy. Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have. Happy laughter and family voices in the home will keep more kids off the streets at night than the strictest curfew. Hard work doesn't harm anyone, but I do not want to take chances. Hard work has future payoff. Laziness pays off now. Hard work spotlights the character of people; some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all! (Sam Ewing) Hate is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die. Hating hate does not mean you love love. Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat. Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them. (Rita Rudner) Have less. Do less. Be more. (Aboodi Shaby) Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee. Having someplace to go to is home. Having someone to love is family. Having both is a blessing. Having the right to do it, doesn't mean it is right to do it. Having your lawyer pay for lunch will be very expensive in the end. Heaven is where the police are British, the mechanics German, the cooks are French, the lovers Italian, and all is organize by the Swiss. (Eliane Kirchner) He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help. (Abraham Lincoln) He has Van Gogh's ear for music. He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. (Jim Elliot) He is not afraid of work, you can tell by the way he fights it. He is not ready to lose a minute of his life, but he's ready to lose his life in a minute. Hell has no exits. Heaven needs none. Hell has no fire escapes. Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply. Herblock's Law: if it is good, they will stop making it. Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't. (Richard Bach) Here's to you and here's to me and may we never disagree, but if we do I'll still love you. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. (C. S. Woodbridge) Heroes and winners aren't the same thing. He that communicates his secret to another makes himself that other's slaves. (Baltasar Gracian) He that is discontented in one place will seldom be happy in another. (Aesop) He that lets the small things bind him, leaves the great undone behind him. He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.... 7/15/2005 =======END==================================== When these gadgets first came into use? ==================== 1023 : First Paper Money Printed in China 1050 : Crossbow Invented in France 1182 : Magnetic Compass Comes 1455 : Pinting Press with Metal Moveable Type Invented : by Johannes Gutanberg 1510 : Pocket Watch Built by Peter Henlein 1624 : William Oughtred"s Slide Ruler 1799 : Allessandro Volta Invents the Battery 1835 : Charles Babbage's Mechanical Caluclator 1910 : Thomas Edison Demonstrates The First Talking Motion Picture 1921 : First Robot Built 1937 : Chester F Carlson Invents the Photocopier 1956 : First Computer Hard Disk Used 1962 : Audio Cassette Introduced 1979 : Mobile Phones Invented 1991 : Introduction of the World Wide Web ================================================= One Liners ============= When I was born, I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half. If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either. Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people, and kill them. Until I was 13, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.' I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. Is man one of God's blunders or is God one of man's blunders? I've never been drunk, but often I've been over served. The road to success is always under construction. I say no to drugs -- they just don't listen! A friend in need is a pest indeed. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce. Work is fine if it doesn't take up too much of your time. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Born free; Taxed to death. Everyone has a photographic memory; some people just don't have film. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first. Smile -- it makes people wonder what you're up to. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light. The hardest part of skating is the ice. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot; the guy who invented the other three, he was the genius. The trouble with being punctual is that therte's no one there to appreciate it. If our constitution allows us free speech, why are there phone bills? If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure. Beat the 5 O'clock rush: leave work at noon! If you can't convince them, confuse them. It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. (Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers) Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups. The cigarette does the smoking - you are just the sucker. Someday is not a day of the 7/2/2005 ============End======= ---------------------------------- Know some unknown history of words .................................. MOPED is the short term for 'Motorized Pedaling'. POP MUSIC is 'Popular Music' shortened. BUS is the short term for 'Omnibus' that means everybody. FORTNIGHT comes from 'Fourteen Nights' (Two Weeks). DRAWING ROOM was actually a 'withdrawing room' where people withdrew after Dinner. Later the prefix 'with' was dropped. NEWS refers to information from Four directions N, E, W and S. AG-MARK, which some products bear, stems from 'Agricultural Marketing'. JOURNAL is a diary that tells about 'Journey for a day' during each Day's business. QUEUE comes from 'Queen's Quest'. Long back a long row of people as waiting to see the Queen. Someone made the comment Queen's Quest. TIPS come from 'To Insure Prompt Service'. In olden days to get Prompt service from servants in an inn, travelers used to drop coins in a Box on which was written 'To Insure Prompt Service'. This gave rise to the custom of Tips. JEEP is a vehicle with unique Gear system. It was invented during World War II (1939-1945). It was named 'General Purpose Vehicle (GP)'. GP was changed into JEEP later ===========END================ =============== Tagore and Iqbql =============== " When Allama Iqbal came to know that Tagore did not recognize him (Iqbal) as a poet becuase he did not write poetry in his mother tongue (Punjabi). He decided to communicate with him on the subject. In a letter to Tagore, Allama wrote "My mother tongue is not fully developed that is why I write in Urdu and Persian and not in Punjabi". "My mother-tongue is also not fully developed either; but I am helping it to fully develop by writing in it", Tagore replied. ======end======== ============================ The most useless thing to do .... ........Worry The greatest Joy ............... ......Giving The greatest loss ................ Loss of self-respect The most satisfying work .........Helping others The ugliest personality trait ............Selfishness The most endangered species .........Dedicated leaders Our greatest natural resource ...............Our youth The greatest "shot in the arm" ..........Encouragement The greatest problem to overcome ................Fear Most effective sleeping pill .... ....Peace of mind The most crippling failure disease.......Excuses The most powerful force in life ..................Love The most dangerous pariah. .................A gossiper The world's most incredible computer... .....The brain ! The worst thing to be without ................... Hope The deadliest weapon .......................The tongue The two most power-filled words ..............."I Can" The greatest asset...........Faith The most worthless emotion.....Self-pity The most prized possession..... ...........Integrity The most beautiful attire...... ................SMILE! The most powerful channel of communication ..... ...Prayer The most contagious spirit....... ...... ....Enthusiasm The most important thing in life ........ ........GOD everyone needs this list to live by...pass it along!!! =====end======= =================================== You must trust. When you airfly,you don't travel with your life jacket. You must trust. [pkshah] 10:46 AM 2/17/2005 =================================== Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening by Robert Frost. ------------------------------------- Whose woods these are I think I know. His house is in the village, though; He will not see me stopping here To watch his woods fill up with snow. My little horse must think it's queer To stop without a farmhouse near Between the woods and frozen lake The darkest evening of the year. He gives his harness bells a shake To ask if there's some mistake. The only other sound's the sweep Of easy wind and downy flake. The woods are lovely, dark, and deep, But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep ====end========== =================== Important words of life. =================== Six important words:- I admit that I made mistake. Five Important words:- You did a good job. Four important words:- What is your opinion? Three important words:- If you, Please. Two important words:- Thank you. One important word:- We. Least Important WORD I =====End====== ================= Bizarre Last Words of Men About to Be Executed . ================= As George Appel was being strapped into the electric chair, he said to the witnesses, "Well, folks, you'll soon see a baked Appel." Before Thomas Grasso was given his lethal injection, he complained, "I did not get my SpaghettiOs, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this." Sir Walter Raleigh said, "So the heart be right, it is no matter which way the head lieth." And then he was beheaded. On his way to the chair, James French said to newspaper reporter, "I have a terrific headline for you in the morning: 'French Fries.'" Francis Crowley remarked "You sons of bitches. Give my love to Mother." Then he was electrocuted. Just before being hanged, Neville Heath's last request was for a whiskey. "In the circumstances," he added, "you might make that a double." Said Johnny Frank Garrett before being lethally injected: "I'd like to thank my family for loving me and taking care of me. And the rest of the world can kiss my ass." Erskine Childers called out to the firing squad, "Take a step forward, lads. It will be easier that way." Jimmy Glass said, "I'd rather be fishing." Then he was electrocuted. As British serial killer Dr. William Palmer stood on the gallows, he asked the officials, "Are you sure this thing is safe?" ==============End============== ================ Chanakya Quotes Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC- 275 BC ================ "A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and honest people are screwed first." "Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous." "The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. It will destroy you." "There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth." "Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead." "As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it." "The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman." "Once you start a working on something, don't be afraid of failure and don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest." "The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction." "A man is great by deeds, not by birth." "Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status. Such friendships will never give you any happiness." "Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends." "Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person." "Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere. Education beats the beauty and the youth." ========END======= ================================ Less - Less - Less - Less ================================ Our communication - Wireless Our business - Cashless Our telephone - Cordless Our cooking - Fireless Our youth - Jobless Our religion - Creedless Our food - Fatless Our faith - Godless Our labour - Effortless Our conduct - Worthless Our relation - Loveless Our attitude - Careless Our feelings - Heartless Our politics - Shameless Our education - Valueless Our Follies - Countless Our arguments - Baseless Our commitment - Aimless Our poor - Voiceless Our life - Meaningless Finally, Our existence - Useless ======End========= ================================= Balance Sheet of "LIFE HUMAN LTD" ================================= Our Birth is our Opening Balance! Our Death is our Closing balance Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities Our Creative Ideas are our Assets Heart is our Current Asset Soul is our Fixed Asset Brain is our Fixed Deposit Thinking is our Current Account Achievements are our Capital Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade Friends are our General Reserves Values & Behavior are our Goodwill Patience is our Interest Earned Love is our Dividend Children are our Bonus Issues Education is Brands / Patents Knowledge is our Investment Experience is our Premium Account The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts award Wishing you Balance always ======End============ ========== Thought1: ========== Life isn't fair to men. When we are born,our mother's get the compliments and the flowers. When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity. When we die, our widows get the life insurance. What do women want to be liberated from? ======= Thought 2: ======= The average man's life consists of - twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going; forty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners wondering too. ======== Thought 3: ======== A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind: u take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head And kill you. "The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on,and after a while he! was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die. "The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner,barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel, " the voice answered. "Oh, yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got Married ====End==== ========================== Had they been left there,what would have happened? ========================== Can you believe that these IT gurus were all set to give up before their inventions changed the world forever? Read on... ----------- 1. 'I think there's a world market for maybe five PCs.' (Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.) 2. '640K ought to be enough for anybody.' (Bill Gates, Microsoft, 1981.) 3. 'There is no reason why anyone would want to have a computer in their home.' (Ken Olson, president, Founder, Digital Equipment Corp, 1977.) 4. 'This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be considered as a means of communication. The device is of no value to us.' (Western Union memo, 1876) 5. 'Radio has no commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody.' (Colleagues of David Sarnoff on his Radio project, 1920's.) 6. 'You mean to drill into ground to try and find oil? You're crazy.' (Drillers rejecting Edwin L Drake's oil project, 1859.) 7. 'Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?' (HM Warner, Warner Bros, 1927.) 8. 'We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.' (Decca Recording Company rejecting the Beatles, 1962.) 9. 'But what is it good for?' (An IBM Engineer commenting on the micro chip, 1968) 10. 'Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.' (Marechal Ferdinand, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.) 11. 'We went to Atari, they said 'No'. So we went to HP; 'We don't need you. You haven't got through college yet'.' (Apple founder Steve Jobs, 1980's) 12, 'Everything that can be invented has been invented.' (Charles H Duell,Commissioner, US Office of Patents, 1899 =====End======= ================================ WHAT KIND OF PERSON A FRIEND IS? ================================ A friend is a tissue when you can't stop crying A friend is a shoulder when you feel like dying A friend always listens when you have something to say A friend is a week when you just need a day A friend is a crutch when you have a broken heart A friend is some glue when everything falls apart A friend is a sun when the rain just won't stop A friend is your mom when you run into a cop A friend is a phone call when you can't leave your home A friend is a hand when you feel all alone A friend is a wing if you want to fly A friend understands without knowing why A friend is an ear for a secret to tell A friend is an aspirin when your head hurts like hell A friend is a love that can never let go A friend is you, and I wanted you to know SO LOVE UR FRIENDS N DONT HURT THEM. ===============END================= ========================= Vocabulary extra-ordinary ========================= The person who invented this sentence must be a vocabulary GENIUS.. Read the below sentence carefully... "I do not know where family doctors acquired illegibly perplexing handwriting nevertheless, extraordinary pharmaceutical intellectuality counterbalancing indecipherability, transcendentalizes intercommunications incomprehensibleness". In this sentence the Nth word is N letters long. e.g. 3rd word is 3 letters long, Don't want to believe ? See below and be convinced! ========================== I do not know where family doctors acquired illegibly perplexing handwriting nevertheless extraordinary pharmaceutical intellectuality counterbalancing indecipherability transcendentalizes intercommunications incomprehensibleness ======END=========== ====================== The 40 Richest Indians ====================== 1 Lakshmi N Mittal Mittal Steel 2 Azim Premji Wipro 3 Mukesh & Anil Ambani Reliance 4 Kumar Mangalam Birla A V Birla 5 Pallonji Mistry Tata Sons 6 Sunil Mittal Bharti Group 7 Shiv Nadar HCL 8 Adi Godrej Godrej Inds 9 Malvinder & Shivinder Singh Ranbaxy 10 Dilip Sanghvi Sun Pharma 11 Anil Agarwal Sterlite 12 Shashi & Ravi Ruia Essar 13 Om Prakash Jindal Jindal Group 14 Rahul Bajaj Bajaj Auto 15 N R Narayana Murthy Infosys 16 Subhash Chandra Zee Telefilms 17 Yusuf Hamed Cipla 18 Brijmohan Lal Munjal Hero Group 19 Habil Khorakiwala Wockhardt 20 Vivek Burman Dabur 21 Nandan Nilekani Infosys 22 S Gopalakrishnan Infosys 23 N S Raghavan Infosys 24 Narendra Patni Patni Comp 25 Ajay Piramal Nicholas Piramal 26 Vijay Mallya UB Group 27 Pankaj Patel Zydus Cadila 28 Baba Kalyani Kalyani Group 29 B Ramalinga Raju Satyam 30 Kiran Mazumdar-Shaw Biocon 31 Karsanbhai Patel Nirma 32 K Dinesh Infosys 33 Uday Kotak Kotak Mahindra 34 S D Shibulal Infosys 35 K Anji Reddy Dr Reddy's 36 Narottam Sekhsaria Gujarat Ambuja 37 Jaiprakash Gaur Jaiprakash Inds 38 Shyam & Hari Bhartia Jubilant Organo 39 Keshub Mahindra M&M 40 Desh Bandhu Gupta Lupin ====END======== ============== Kovac's Conundrum: ------------------------ When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one. Cannon's Karmic Law: -------------------------- If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire,the next morning you will have a flat tire. O'brien's Variation Law: ----------------------------- If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now. Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair: ------------------------------------------ After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch. Anthony's Law of the Workshop: -------------------------------------- Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. =====End ====== Why do scientists call it "re"search when looking for something new? Why is it called a building when it is already built? If pro is the opposite of con, then is progress the opposite of congress? How do you know when invisible ink pens run out of ink? If vegetable oil's made of vegetables, and olive oil's made of olives...what's baby oil made of? Is it possible to be totally partial? If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants? Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why does your feet smell, and your nose run? If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it? If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots ? ==================== Learn Chinese in two minutes: A secretary: Li Kho A Waiter: Chai En Pao Lao A cook: Pu Lao Pakao A Sadhu: San T' Sa-Tsung A Soldier: Tien Shun A Watchman: Kuon Haai A milkman: Pa Nih Mi Lao A Rich man: Ma La Mal A Beautiful girl: Hsein Aah =========== The Hammer =========== A man is in court for murder and the judge says ' You are charged with beating your mother in law to death with a hammer.' Then a voice at the back of the court says, ' you bloody liar ' Then the judge says ' you are also charged with beating your servant to death with a hammer.' Again the voice at the back of the court says, ' you bloody liar !' The judge continues ' You have another charge - for attacking your wife with a hammer. The voice at the back of the court grows even louder ' you bloody liar ! The judge points to the crowd in court room and says ' now there, we cannot have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge you with contempt of court But what's your problem ? Then the man at the back of the court says, fifteen years I lived next door to that liar ! and everytime I asked to borrow a hammer he said he never had one! ========== Can you answer the following question? 1. The word has seven letters... 2. Preceded God... 3. Greater than God... 4. More Evil than the devil... 5. All poor people have it... 6. Wealthy people need it... 7. If you eat it, you will die! Could you figure it out? Try hard before looking at the answers Have you got it yet? .. Give up? Brace yourself for the answer.... The Answer is: NOTHING! NOTHING has 7 letters NOTHING preceded God NOTHING is greater than God NOTHING is more Evil than the devil All poor people have NOTHING Wealthy people need NOTHING If you eat NOTHING, you will die ========== Love,aim of life ========== Life is a struggle and necessity; Life is not regrets or all facility; It takes different forms,entity; All same story,same calamity. Love is ubiquity,love is university; Love lives whether east or west; Love lists no bounds, limitations; Love lives; has no qualifications. Aim is same, directions different; Path also same, looks divergent; Persons different, but one human; Love binds them into one relation Life without love is not a life at all; Love should be aim of life after all. ================ Logically speaking.... I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I'm perfect. If I save time, when do I get it back? The statement below is true. The statement above is false. As I said before, I never repeat myself. Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who is left. Best way to prevent a hangover is to stay drunk. If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity. I was born intelligent.... education ruined me. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a work station... What more can I say ! If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak. How come "abbreviated" is such a long word? Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile. The Best of Proverbs : Should women have children after 35? No, 35 children are enough Living on Earth may be expensive...but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun....! Your future depends on your dreams. So go to sleep! SMOKING KILLS SLOWLY. So what? Who's in a hurry? A drunk was hauled into court. "Mister", the judge began, "you've been brought here for drinking...." "Great," the drunk exclaimed . When do we get started ? Can you do anything that other people can't ? Sure, I can read my handwriting.....! ====END======== ============== W O N D E R F U L ============== The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. - Robert Frost +=+=+=+=+= The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. - Franklin P. Jones +=+=+=+=+=+ We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like? -Jean Cocturan +=+=+=+=+=+= + It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper. - Jerry Seinfeld +=+=+=+=+=+= + It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose. - Darrin Weinberg +=+=+=+=+=+=+ + Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome." +=+=+=+=+=+= + Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again. +=+=+=+=+=+=+= + Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers. +=+=+=+=+=+=+= + It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it creative problem solving. +=+=+=+=+=+=+= + Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop. +=+=+=+=+=+=+= + Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk. +=+=+=+=+=+=+= + Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. +=+=+=+=+=+=+= + Forgive your enemies but remember their names. +=+=+=+=+=+=+= + The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action. +=+=+=+=+=+=+= + Don't worry that the world ends today, its already tomorrow in Australia. +=+=+=+=+=+=+= ============================ Hi these are the actual Courtroom Dialog in USA (Read, laugh and enjoy) These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ============================= Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie there. ________________________________ Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15. Q: What year? A: Every year. ______________________________________ Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ______________________________________ Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? _____________________________________ Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. _____________________________________ Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. ______________________________________ Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. ______________________________________ Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? A: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ___________________________________ Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? _____________________________________ Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? ______________________________________ Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? ______________________________________ Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? ______________________________________ Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? ______________________________________ Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female? ______________________________________ Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ______________________________________ Q: ALL your responses MUST BE oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. ______________________________________ Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. ______________________________________ Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? ______________________________________ Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law ======END========== ================= Amazing Facts to add to your General Knowledge. ================= 1. Chewing on gum while cutting onions can help a person from stop producing tears. Try it next time you chop onions!!!!!!!!!! 2. Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time. Indeed convenient! 3. Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name. 4. Male mosquitoes are vegetarians. Only females bite. 5. The average person's field of vision encompasses a 200-degree wide angle. 6. To find out if a watermelon is ripe, knock it, and if it sounds hollow then it is ripe. 7. Canadians can send letters with personalized postage stamps showing their own photos on each stamp. 8. Babies' eyes do not produce tears until the baby is approximately six to eight weeks old. 9. It snowed in the Sahara Desert in February of 1979. 10. Plants watered with warm water grow larger and more quickly than plants watered with cold water. 11. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times. 12. Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave. 13. Those stars and colours you see when you rub your eyes are called phosphenes. 14. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. 15. Everyone's tongue print is different, like fingerprints. 16. Contrary to popular belief, a swallowed chewing gum doesn't stay in the gut. It will pass through the system and be excreted. 17. At 40 Centigrade a person loses about 14.4 calories per hour by breathing. 18. There is a hotel in Sweden built entirely out of ice; it is rebuilt every year. 19. Cats, camels and giraffes are the only animals in the world that walk rightfoot, right foot, left foot, left foot, rather than right foot, left foot... 20. Onions help reduce cholesterol if eaten after a fatty meal. 21. The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting. 22. In most watch advertisements the time displayed on the watch is 10:10 because then the arms frame the brand of the watch and make it look=20 like it's smiling. 23. The color blue can have a calming affect on people. 24. Depending upon the shade, the brain may send up to 11 tranquilizing chemicals to calm the body Leonardo da Vinci could write with the one hand and draw with the other simultaneously. Now we know why his pictures were exquisite!! 25. Names of the three wise monkeys are: Mizaru (See no evil), Mikazaru(Hear no evil), and Mazaru (Speak no evil). 26. The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it's head are the rabbit and parrot. 27. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable. 28. Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age 29. The names of the continents all end with the same letter with which they start. 30. Electricity doesn't move through a wire but through a field around the wire. 31. All U.S. Presidents have worn glasses; some of them just didn't like to be seen wearing them in public. 32. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, and purple ======END======== ======================= THE CAR Vs THE COMPUTER ======================= For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon". In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics"(and I just love this part): 1.For no reason whatsoever,your car would crash twice a day. 2.Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car. 3.Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and re-open the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this. 4.Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 5.Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads. 6.The oil, water temperature,and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light. 7.The airbag system would ask: "Are you sure?" before deploying. 8.Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle,turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. 9.Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again - because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. 10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off ======END======= ========================== Real life IAS i.e. UPSC Exam 1998. Interview Question and Answer given by Candidates: Oh sorry, IAS Officer now ======================== Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? A.Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper) Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall,how long would it take four men to build it? A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS) Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have? A. Very large hands. (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS) Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES) Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep? A. No Probs , He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98) Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2) Q. What looks like half apple ? A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper ) Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ? A : Dinner. Q. What happened when wheel was invented ? A : It caused a revolution. Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state? A :In liquid state. (UPSC 33Rank ) ======END========= ========= Moderating ========= Original List (age 22): ................................... 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer things 9. Full of thoughtful surprises 10. An imaginative, romantic lover Revised List (age 32): ................................... 1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head) 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough money for a nice dinner 4. Listens more than talks 5. Laughs at my jokes 6. Carries bags of groceries with ease 7. Owns at least one tie 8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal 9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries 10. Seeks romance at least once a week Revised List (age 42): ................................... 1. Not too ugly (bald head OK) 2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car 3. Works steady -- splurges on dinner out occasionally 4. Nods head when I'm talking 5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes 6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture 7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach 8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids 9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down 10. Shaves most weekends Revised List (age 52): .................................... 1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed 2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public 3. Doesn't borrow money too often 4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting 5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times 6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends 7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear 8. Appreciates a good TV dinner 9. Remembers my name on occasion 10. Shaves some weekends Revised List (age 62): ................................... 1. Doesn't scare small children 2. Remembers where bathroom is 3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep 4. Only snores lightly when asleep 5. Remembers why he's laughing 6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself 7. Usually wears clothes 8. Likes soft foods 9. Remembers where he left his teeth 10. Remembers that it's the weekend =============== ========== Love learning ========== Two Lovers plan to Suicide. Boy jumped first; Girl closed her eyes, and returns back saying Love is Blind. The Boy, in mid-air opened his parachute saying Love never Dies...... "Cheers" ====END==== ========================== ------------------------------- Some Real Brain Teasers ------------------------------- ========================== Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? A. No time at all it is already built. Q. Approximately how many birthdays does the average Japanese woman have? A. Just one. All the others are anniversaries. Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have ? A. Very large hands. Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep? A. He sleeps at night. Q.Why it is impossible to send a telegram to Washington today ? A :Because he is dead. Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become ? A:It becomes wet. Q.What often falls but never gets hurt ? A : Rain Q.What is that no man ever saw which never was but always will be ? A : TOMORROW Q. What looks like half apple ? A : The other half. Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ? A : Dinner. Q. What gets wet with drying ? A : A towel Q. What 3 letters change a girl into a woman ? A : AGE. Q. What happened when wheel was invented ? A : It caused a revolution. Q. Why is it easy to weigh a fish ? A : Because it has its own scales. Q. Why does a bike rest on its leg ? A : Because it is too tyred. ========END============== ==================== Was it necessary? ==================== In some remote village of India, one Masterji is teaching the Mahabharat katha to a class. He is at the 'Krishna janma' part of it. Masterji : Tho bachcho, so Kansa heard the Akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put Vasudev and Devaki behind the bars. First son is born, and Kansa kills him by poisoning second one is born and Kansa throws him off the mountain peak third one is born....... Now Ramu who is smartest of the lot puts up his hand. Masterji (sounding nervous n confused) : Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in Mahabharata and how come u have one? Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to kill him, why the hell did he put Vasudev and Devaki in same cell =========END============= ======================== A FEW OF LIFE'S UNANSWERED QUESTIONS ======================== ** Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? ** Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin? ** Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? ** Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? ** Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? ** Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? ** Why is a boxing ring square? ** Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips? ** Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? ** Why is it that rain drops but snow falls? ** Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? ** Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? ** Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? ** Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand? ** Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? ** Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary? ** Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet? ** Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? ** Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is? ** Can fat people go skinny-dipping? ** Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? ========END============== ========================= Purposeful [Made to Order] ========================= On the very first day, God created the cow. He said to the cow, "Today I have created you! As a cow, you must go to the field with the farmer all day long. You will work all day under the sun! I will give you a life span of 50 years." The cow objected. "What? This kind of tough life you want me to live for 50 years? Let me have 20 years, and the last 30 years - I'll give back to you." So God agreed. On the second day, God created the dog. God said to the dog, "What you are supposed to do is to sit all day by the door of your house. Any people that come by, or in, you will have to bark at them! I'll give you a life span of 20 years!" The dog objected. "What? All day long I have to sit by the door? No way! Let me live for only 10 years. I give you back my other 10 years of life!" So God agreed. On the third day, God created the monkey. He said to the monkey, "A monkey has to entertain people. You've got to make them laugh and do monkey tricks. And I'll give you a 20 year life span." The monkey objected. "What? Make them laugh? Do monkey faces and tricks? Ten years will do, and the other 10 years - I'll give back to you." So God agreed. On the fourth day, God created man and said to him, "Your job is to sleep, eat, and play. You will enjoy very much in your life. All you need to do is to enjoy and do nothing. For this kind of life, I'll give you a 20 year life span. " The man objected. "What? Such a good life! Eat, play,sleep, do nothing? Enjoy the best and you expect me to live only for 20 years? No way, man!....... Why don't we make a deal? Since Cow gave you back 30 years, Dog gave you back 10 years, and Monkey gave you back 10 years, I will take them from you! That makes my life span 70 years, right?" So God agreed. AND THAT IS WHY... In our first 20 years, we eat, sleep, play, enjoy the best and do nothing much. For the next 30 years, we work all day long, suffer and get to support the family. For the next 10 years, we entertain our grandchildren by making monkey faces and doing monkey tricks. And for the last 10 years, we stay at home, sit in front of the door and bark at people ============END========== ========================= 50 most romantic things to do with your boyfriend and girlfriend ========================= 1. Watch the sunset together. 2. Whisper to each other. 3. Cook for each other. 4. Walk in the rain. 5. Hold hands 6. Buy gifts for each other. 7. Roses. 8. Find out their favorite cologne/ perfume and wear it every time you're together. 9. Go for a long walk down the beach at midnight. 10. Write poetry for each other. 11. Hugs are the universal medicine. 12. Say I love you, only when you mean it and make sure they know you mean it. 13. Give random gifts of flowers/candy/poetry etc. 14. Tell her that she's the only girl you ever want. Don't lie! 15. Spend every second possible together. 16. Look into each other's eyes. 17. Very lightly push up her chin, look into her eyes, tell her you love her, and kiss her lightly. 18. When in public, only flirt with each other. 19. Put love notes in their pockets when they aren't looking. 20. Buy her a ring. 21. Sing to each other. 22. Always hold her around her hips/sides. 23. Take her to dinner and do the dinner for two deal. 24. Spaghetti? (Ever see Lady and the Tramp?) 25. Hold her hand, stare into her eyes, kiss her hand and then put it over your heart. 26. Dance together. 27. I love the way a girl looks right after she's fallen asleep with her head in my lap. 28. Do cute things like write I love you in a note so that they have to look in a mirror to read it. 29. Make excuses to call them every 5 minutes 30. Even if you are really busy doing something, go out of your way to call and say I love you. 31. Call from your vacation spot to tell them you were thinking about them. 32. Remember your dreams and tell her about them. 34. Tell each other your most sacred secrets/fears. 35. Be Prince Charming to her parents. 36. Brush her hair out of her face for her. 37. Hang out with his/her friends. 38. Go to church/pray/worship together. 39. Take her to see a romantic movie and remember the parts she liked. 40. Learn from each other and don't make the same mistake twice. 41. Describe the joy you feel just to be with him/her. 42. Make sacrifices for each other. 43. Really love each other, or don't stay together. 44. Let there never be a second during any given day that you aren't thinking about them, and make sure they know it. 45. Love yourself before you love anyone else. 46. Learn to say sweet things in foreign languages. 47. Dedicate songs to them on the radio. 48. Fall asleep on the phone with each other. 49. Stand up for them when someone talks trash. 50. Never forget the kiss goodnight and always remember to say, "Sweet dreams." ==========END================== ===================== VOW ! Very interesting. ===================== 1. A rat can last longer without water than a camel. 2. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself. 3. The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle. 4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top. 5. A female ferret will die if she goes into heat and cannot find a mate. 6. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why. 7. A 2 X 4 is really 1-1/2 by 3-1/2. 8. During the chariot scene in Ben Hur, a small red car can be seen in the distance. In Gone with the Wind, a light bulb can be seen in the carriage block lantern as Scarlett is leaving the hospital and going into the Atlanta streets as people are frantically evacuating the city. 9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily! 10. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants. 11. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood. 12. The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000. 13. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple and silver. 14. The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan". There was never a recorded Wendy before. 15. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo. 16. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death. Who was the sadist who discovered this?? 17. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down so you could see his moves. 18. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA." 19. The original name for butterfly was flutterby. 20. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb. 21. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola. 22. Roses may be red, but violets are indeed violet. 23. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages the suit. 24. Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. 25. Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin Look-Alike Contest. 26. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying. 27. Sherlock Holmes NEVER said "Elementary, my dear Watson" in the books. 28. An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing. ???? 29. The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher. 30. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public ========END================== ================= True Boyfriend ================= A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty: he said...no. She asked him if he would want to be with her forever.... and he said no. She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a no. She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said.... You're not pretty you're beautiful. I dont want to be with you forever. I NEED to be with you forever. And I wouldnt cry if you walked away... I'd die... ========END============ ======================== ABC's of Christmas ======================== A is for angels with halos so bright, whose carols were heard On that first Christmas Night. B is for bells so merrily ringing. Joy to the world is the message they're bringing. C is for candles that so brightly shine, to give a warm welcome to your friends and mine. D is for doorway with garlands of green, to make Christmas merry as far as they're seen. E is for evergreens with fragrance so rare, so plentiful at Christmas, their scent fills the air. F is for fun the whole season long, from trimming the tree to singing a song. G is for greetings a merry "hello!" With a heart full of love For people we know. H is for Holly, with berries so red, to make into wreaths to hang overhead. I is for Ice on snow covered hills, where sledding is fun along with the spills. J is for Jesus, the Christ child so dear. We honor his birth on Christmas each year. K is for Kris Kringle, so merrily he stands. He is who they call Santa, in so many lands. L is for lanterns. I am sure that their light helped Mary and Joseph that first Christmas Night. M is for Mary, her heart full of love. For her little son Jesus, who came from above. N is for Noel the angels did sing, to herald the birth of Jesus, our King. O is for ornaments so shining and bright, with lights on the tree to sparkle at night. P is for packages with ribbons so gay, all 'round the tree for our Christmas Day. Q is for quiet Christmas Eve night, with snow covered hills glistening so bright. R is for reindeer who pull Santa's sleigh, to your house, to my house, they all know the way. S is for shepherds who first saw the star, over Bethlehem's manger and followed it far. T is for trees we decorate so gay, then wait for ole Santa to hurry our way. U is for universe where Christmas brings joy, to all in the world... to each girl and each boy. V is for visiting friends near and far, we travel by train, or by bus, or by car. W is for the Wise Men who brought gifts so rare, and knelt down and worshiped the child they found there. X is for X-mas, or Christmas by full name. No matter the language, it all means the same. Y is for yule logs whose bright sparks fly high, To give a warm welcome to friends passing by. Z is for the zeal we show at this time, In giving to others, and loving mankind. [Author Unknown] =======END============ ========================= ***************************** &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& ========================= 'This I have seen in life - he who is over-cautious about himself, falls into dangers at every step; he who is afraid of losing honour and respect, gets only disgrace; he who is always afraid of loss, always loses.' - Swami Vivekananda ======================= *************************** &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& ========END=========== ******************** LESSONS OF WISDOM ******************** First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady. =========================== During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?" Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade. "Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say 'hello'. I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy. -------- Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain =========================== One night, at 11.30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away. "God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others." Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole. ------------- Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve. ======================== In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 -year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "Fifty cents," replied the waitress. The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. "Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. "Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied. The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies. You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip. ============ Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path. (We all know this story and need to only refresh our memory) ------------- In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. >>After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse laying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand! Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition. ==================== Fifth Important Lesson Giving When it Counts. -------------- Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away". Being young the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her ==========END============= ========================== Look what happens when a President gets elected in a year with a "0" at end. 1840: William Henry Harrison (died in office) 1860: Abraham Lincoln (assassinated) 1880: James A. Garfield (assassinated) 1900: William McKinley (assassinated) 1920: Warren G. Harding (died in office) 1940: Franklin D. Roosevelt (died in office) 1960: John F. Kennedy (assassinated) 1980: Ronald Reagan (survived assassination attempt) 2000: George W. Bush ???????????? And to think that we had two guys fighting it out in the courts to be the one elected in 2000. You might also be interested in this! Have a history teacher explain this if they can! Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946. Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960. Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.Both wives lost a child while living in the White House. Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. Both Presidents were shot in the head. Now it gets really weird... Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln. Both were assassinated by Southerners. Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson. Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908. John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839. Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939. Both assassins were known by their three names. Both names are composed of fifteen letters. Now hang on to your seat...! Lincoln was shot at the theater named " Ford". Kennedy was shot in a car called "Lincoln" made by "Ford". Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials. And here's the "kicker": A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland. A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe. AND.....................: Lincoln was shot in a theater and the assassin ran to a warehouse... Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and the assassin ran to a theater ============END================== India in 2020? There is a vision Year: 2020 Place: Two Americans at IBM, USA. Currency Conversion Rate: Re 1/- = $100/ -. Alex: Hi John, you didn't come yesterday to office? John: Yeah, I was in Indian Embassy for stamping. Alex: Oh really, what happened, I heard that nowadays it has become very strict. John: Yeah, but I managed to get it. Alex: How long it took to get it stamped? John: Oh, it was nasty man, long queue. Bill Gates was standing in front of me and they played with him like anything. That's why it got delayed. I went there at 2 am itself and waited and returned by 4pm. Alex: Really? In India, it is a matter of an hour to get stamped for USA John: Yeah, but that is because who in India will be interested in coming to USA man, their economy has been booming. Alex: So, when are you leaving? John: Anytime, after receiving my tickets from the client in India and you know, I will be getting a chance to fly Air-India. Sort of dream come true. Alex: How long are you going to stay in India. John: What do you mean by how long? I will be settled in India, my company has promised me that they will process my Hara Patta .. (green card) Alex: Really, lucky person man, it is very difficult to get a Hara Patta in India. John: Yeah, that's why, I am planning to marry an Indian girl there. Alex: But you can find lots of US girls in Chennai, Bangalore and Mumbai. John: But, I prefer Indian girls because they are beautiful and cultured. Alex: Where did you get the offer, Chennai? John: Yeah, salary is good there, but cost of living is quite high, it is Rs. 1000/- for a single room accommodation. Alex: I see, that's too much for US people, Rs.1/- =$100/-. Oh God! what about in Bangalore, Mumbai? John: No idea, but it is less than what we have in Chennai. It is like the world headquarters of software Alex: I heard, almost all the Indians are having one personal Robot for help. John: You can get a BMW car for Rs. 5000/-, and a personal Robot for less than Rs.7500/-. But my dream is to purchase Ambassador, which costs Rs.2,00,000/- but has got a lovely design. Alex: By the way, who is your client? John: Iyer and Iyengar Associates, a pure Indian company, specialising in Embedded Software. Alex: Oh, really, lucky to work in a pure Indian company. They are really intelligent and unlike American Bodyshoppers who have opened their Fly-by-night outfits in India. Indian companies pay you in full even when you are on bench. My friend Paul Allen, it seems, used his bench time to visit Bihar, the most liveable place in India, probably world. There you have full freedom and no restrictions. You can do whatever you want! I wonder how that state has perfected that system. John: Yeah man!, you are right. I hope our America also follows their footsteps. Alex: How are you going to cope with their language? John: Why not? From my school days I have been learning Hindi as my first language here at New York. At the Consulate they tested my proficiency in Hindi and were quite impressed by my cent per cent score in TOHIL i.e. Test of Hindi as International Language. Alex: So, you are going to have fun there. John: Yeah, I will be travelling in the world's fastest train, world's largest theme park, and the famous Bollywood where you can see actors like, Hrithik, Shah Rukh Khan and all. Esselworld is also near Bollywood. Alex: You know, the PM is scheduled to visit US next year, he may then relax the number of visas. John: That's true. Last month, Narayana Murthy visited White House and donated Rs. 2000/- for infrastructure development at Silicon Valley and has promised more if we follow the model of High-Tech City of Hyderabad. Bill Gates also got a chance of meeting him. Very lucky person. Alex: But, Indian government is planning to split Narayanamurthy's Infosys. John: He is a hard worker man, he can build any number of Infosys like this. Every minute he is getting Rs. 1000/-. It seems, if you keep all his money converted as Rs. 100/- notes you can reach Pluto. Alex: OK, Good Luck John. John: Same to you Alex. And don't go to Consulate in a "Kurta Pyjama" because they will think you are too Indianised and may doubt you will never come back and hence your Non-Immigrant Visa may get rejected. But don't forget to say " Namaste, aap kaise hai " to the Visa officer at Window 5. It seems he likes that and will not give you a visa if you don't greet him that way. ===========END================== ====================== University via apparent poverty ====================== Lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband, dressed in a homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston and walk timidly without an appointment into the Harvard University President's outer office. The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, country Hicks had no business at Harvard and probably didn't even deserve to be in Cambridge. "We want to see the president," the man said softly. "He'll be busy all day," the secretary snapped. "We'll wait," the lady replied". For hours the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple would Finally become discouraged and go away. They didn't and the secretary grew frustrated and finally decided to disturb the president, even though it was a chore she always regretted. "Maybe if you see them for a few minutes, they'll leave," she said to him. He sighed in exasperation and nodded. Someone of his importance obviously didn't have the time to spend with them, but he detested gingham dresses and homespun suits cluttering up his outer office. The president, stern faced and with dignity, strutted toward the couple. The lady told him, "We had a son who attended Harvard for one year. He loved Harvard. He was happy here. But about a year ago, he was accidentally killed My husband and I would like to erect a memorial to him, somewhere on campus " The president wasn't touched.... He was shocked. "Madam," he said, gruffly, "we can't put up a statue for every person who attended Harvard and died. If we did, this place would look like a cemetery. "Oh, no," the lady explained quickly. "We don't want to erect a statue. We thought we would like to give a building to Harvard." The president rolled his eyes. He glanced at the gingham dress and Homespun suit, and then exclaimed, "A building! Do you have any earthly idea how much a building costs? We have over seven and a half million dollars in the physical buildings here at Harvard." For a moment the lady was silent. The president was pleased. Maybe he could get rid of them now. The lady turned to her husband and said quietly, "Is that all it costs to start a university? Why don't we just start our own?" Her husband nodded. The president's face wilted in confusion and bewilderment. Mr. and Mrs. Leland Stanford got up and walked away, traveling to Palo Alto,California where they established the university that bears their name, Stanford University, a memorial to a son that Harvard no longer cared about. A TRUE STORY by Malcolm =========END============== ============================ How to say I Love You in 101 Languages !!! ============================ English - I love you Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief Albanian - Te dua Arabic - Ana behibak (to male) Arabic - Ana behibek (to female) Armenian - Yes kez sirumen Bambara - M'bi fe Bangla - Aamee tuma ke bhalo aashi Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo Bulgarian - Obicham te Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah Cantonese Chinese - Ngo oiy ney a Catalan - T'estimo Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse Chichewa - Ndimakukonda Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male) Creol - Mi aime jou Croatian - Volim te Czech - Miluji te Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig Dutch - Ik hou van jou Esperanto - Mi amas vin Estonian - Ma armastan sind Ethiopian - Afgreki' Faroese - Eg elski teg Farsi - Doset daram Filipino - Mahal kita Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort Georgian - Mikvarhar German - Ich liebe dich Greek - S'agapo Gujarati - Hoo tanay prem karoo choo Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw Hawaiian - Aloha wau ia oi Hebrew - Ani ohev otah (to female) Hebrew - Ani ohev et otha (to male) Hiligaynon - Guina higugma ko ikaw Hindi - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae Hmong - Kuv hlub koj Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta Hungarian - Szeretlek Icelandic - Eg elska tig Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu Inuit - Negligevapse Irish - Taim i' ngra leat Italian - Ti amo Japanese - Aishiteru Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuttene Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka Kiswahili - Nakupenda Konkani - Tu magel moga cho Korean - Sarang Heyo Latin - Te amo Latvian - Es tevi miilu Lebanese - Bahibak Lithuanian - Tave myliu Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu Mandarin Chinese - Wo ai ni Marathi - Me tula prem karto Mohawk - Kanbhik Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik Nahuatl - Ni mits neki Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni Nepali - M' timilai maya gachu Norwegian - Jeg Elsker Deg Pandacan - Syota na kita!! Pangasinan - Inaru Taka Papiamento - Mi ta stimabo Persian - Doo-set daaram Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay Polish - Kocham Ciebie Portuguese - Eu te amo Romanian - Te ubesk Russian - Ya tebya liubliu Scot Gaelic - Tha gra\dh agam ort Serbian - Volim te Setswana - Ke a go rata Sign Language - ,\,,/ (represents position of fingers when signing'I love you) Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan Sioux - Techihhila Slovak - Lu`bim ta Slovenian - Ljubim te Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo Swahili - Ninapenda wewe Swedish - Jag alskar dig Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di Tagalog - Mahal kita Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe Tamil - Nan unnai kathalikaraen Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu Thai - Chan rak khun (to male) Thai - Phom rak khun (to female) Turkish - Seni Seviyorum Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu Urdu - mai aap say pyaar karta hoo Vietnamese - Anh ye^u em (to female) Vietnamese - Em ye^u anh (to male) Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh Yoruba - Mo ni ----------------END----------------- ========================= Wrong truth and true lie ========================== One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?" The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "No." The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. Again, the woodcutter replied, "No." The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "Yes." The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy. Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?" "Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!" The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez. "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the woodcutter. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so... THAT'S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez." The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it! - "WE HONORABLE MEN!!!!!!" =============END======== ============================= PLAN TO BANKRRUPT BILL GATES ============================= 1. Bill Gates earns $250 every SECOND, that's about $20 million a DAY and $7.8 billion a YEAR! 2. If he drops a thousand dollars, he won't even bother to pick it up because in the 4 seconds it takes to pick it up, he would have already earned it back. 3. U.S's national debt is about $5.62 trillion. If Bill Gates wants to pay he debt by himself; he will finish it in less then 10 years. 4. He can donate $15 to everyone on earth and still be left with $5 million for his pocket money. 5. Michael Jordan is the highest paid athlete in the U.S. If he doesn't drink and eat, and keep his annual income at $30 million,he'll have to wait for 277 years to become as rich as Bill Gates is today. 6. If Bill Gates were a country, he will be the 37th richest country on earth. 7. If you change all of Bill Gate's money to $1 bills, you can make a road from earth to moon 14 times back and forth. But you will have to make that road non-stop for 1400 years, and use a total of 713 BOEING 747 planes to transport all the money. 8. Bill Gates will be 42 this year. If we assume that he still can live for another 35 years, he has to spend $6.78 million per day to finish his money before his death. 9. BUT!!! If we theMicrosoft Windows' users claim $1 for every time their computers hang because of Microsoft Windows, Bill Gates will go bankrupt in 3 years. So wat do u thnk -----------------END------------- ========================== ----------------------------------- Laugh little at awkward brain rain ---------------------------------- ========================== I wrote your name on sand it got washed. I wrote your name in air,it was blown away.then I wrote your name on my heart & i got Heart Attack . ============================ God saw me hungry, he created pizza . He saw me thirsty, he created pepsi . He saw me in dark, he created light . He saw me without problems, he created YOU. ============================ TEACHER: Name four members of the cat family? STUDENT: Daddy cat,Mummy cat and two kittens ! ============================ Police man:Stop, stop, your headlights are not working. The Man: Move, move, even the brakes are not working. ============================ Why does history keep repeating it self? Because we weren't listening the first time ! ============================ A man pulled out 6 people from a burning house... He was in jail. Why? All the 6 people were firebrigade staff ! ============================ "Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?" "Yes, of course...." "Great ! I never could before" ============================ The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass and flowers too. If rain makes all things beautiful Why dosen't it rain on you? ==========END============== ========================== -------------------------------------- The Last Words spoken by Famous people ------------------------------------- ========================= Hey Ram Mahatma Gandhi Jan.30,1948 ============ I'm bored with it all. Winston Churchill January 24, 1965 ============= Damn it . . . Don't you dare ask God to help me. To her housekeeper, who had begun to pray aloud. Joan Crawford, actress May 10, 1977 ============== Am I dying or is this my birthday? [When she woke briefly during her last illness and found all her family around her bedside.] Lady Nancy Astor 1964 =============== Nothing, but death. [When asked by her sister, Cassandra, if there was anything she wanted.] Jane Austen, writer, July 18, 1817 =============== Now comes the mystery. Henry Ward Beecher, evangelist, March 8, 1887 ================ Let's cool it brothers . . . [Spoken to his assassins, 3 men who shot him 16 times.] Malcolm X, Black leader, 1966 ================= Go on, get out - last words are for fools who haven't said enough. [To his housekeeper, who urged him to tell her his last words so she could write them down for posterity]. Karl Marx, revolutionary, 1883 ==================== I knew it. I knew it. Born in a hotel room - and God damn it - died in a hotel room. Eugene O'Neill, writer, November 27, 1953 ==================== I am not the least afraid to die. Charles Darwin, April 19, 1882 ==================== No, I shall not give in. I shall go on. I shall work to the end. Edward VII, King of Britain, 1910 ==================== I've never felt better. Douglas Fairbanks, Sr., actor, December 12, 1939 ===================== Yes, it's tough, but not as tough as doing comedy. [When asked if he thought dying was tough.] Edmund Gwenn, actor, September 6, 1959 ======================= Friends applaud, the comedy is finished. Ludwig van Beethoven, composer, March 26, 1827 ======================== I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis. Humphrey Bogart, actor, January 14, 1957 ======================== I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor. Fran篩s Rabelais, writer, 1553 ======================== I have a terrific headache. [He died of a cerebral hemorrhage.] Franklin Delano Roosevelt, US President, 1945 ======================== Put out the light. Theodore Roosevelt, US President, 1919 ======================== They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist. . . . [Killed in battle during US Civil War.] General John Sedgwick, Union Commander, 1864 ======================== Oh, I am not going to die, am I? He will not separate us, we have been so happy. [Spoken to her husband of 9 months, Rev. Arthur Nicholls.] Charlotte Bronte, writer, March 31, 1855 ======================== Beautiful. [In reply to her husband who had asked how she felt.] Elizabeth Barrett Browning, writer, June 28, 1861 ======================== Now I shall go to sleep. Goodnight. Lord George Byron, writer, 1824 ======================== A King should die standing. Louis XVIII, King of France, 1824 ======================== Why do you weep. Did you think I was immortal? Louis XIV, King of France, 1715 ======================== I am a Queen, but I have not the power to move my arms. Louise, Queen of Prussia, 1820 ======================== Too late for fruit, too soon for flowers. Walter De La Mare, writer, 1956 ======================== I am curious to see what happens in the next world to one who dies *unshriven. [Giving his reasons for refusing to see a priest as he lay dying.] Pietro Perugino, Italian painter, 1523 [*unforgiven] ======================== Lord help my poor soul. Edgar Allan Poe, writer, October 7, 1849 ======================= I love you Sarah. For all eternity, I love you. [Spoken to his wife.] James K. Polk, US President, 1849 ======================== Here am I, dying of a hundred good symptoms. Alexander Pope, writer, May 30, 1744 ======================== Sister, you're trying to keep me alive as an old curiosity, but I'm done, I'm finished, I'm going to die. [Spoken to his nurse.] George Bernard Shaw, playwright, November 2, 1950 ========================= God bless... God damn. James Thurber, humorist, 1961 ========================= I feel here that this time they have succeeded. Leon Trotsky, Russian revolutionary, 1940 ========================== I have offended God and mankind because my work did not reach the quality it should have. Leonardo da Vinci, artist, 1519 ========================== I die hard but am not afraid to go. George Washington, US President, December 14, 1799 ========================== Go away. I'm all right. H. G. Wells, novelist, 1946 ========================== Either that wallpaper goes, or I do. Oscar Wilde, writer, November 30, 1900 ========================== Curtain! Fast music! Light! Ready for the last finale! Great! The show looks good, the show looks good! Florenz Ziegfeld, showman, July 22, ========END============= ========================== --------------------------------------- "Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you --------------------------------------- =========End===============
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