Todd opened the door and Simon was immediately shocked at his appearance.
Todd only had a pair of jeans on and he was bare chested. He was also wet.
His breathing was heavy and Todd seemed agitated. Simon walked in and
closed the door.
“What happened?” Simon asked.
Todd began to pace, “It happened again. I fucked by wife again.”
“There’s that word again, fuck. Did you fuck her or make love to her?”
asked Simon crossing his arms.
“I don’t want to dream about it anymore Doc! I want to do it! I want to
touch her and feel her next to me! I feel so…dirty…touching myself!” cried
Todd and suddenly he saw a flash of a hand slap a soft delicate cheek and a
vengeful look stare him in the face. Todd rubbed his eyes.
“What is it Todd? What are you seeing?” asked Simon immediately beside
him.
“Nothing,” said Todd.
Simon grew frustrated. Todd was seeing something but wouldn’t confide in
him.
“Why is sex confusing to you?” asked Simon, “Is it the rape?”
“Rape?” asked Todd surprised by Simon’s question, “You mean Marty?”
“Yeah,” said Simon. He had to start somewhere in the hopes of getting Todd
to open up.
Todd rubbed his eyes. It wasn’t Marty who was naked and getting slapped
around in these visions he was having.
“I made my peace with Marty concerning the rape. I swore I would never
harm another woman to her and I meant it,” said Todd feeling confused. As
he walked past the mirror he noticed he wasn’t wearing a top and he stopped
to stare at his naked chest in the mirror.
“What are you thinking right now Todd?” pushed Simon.
“My wife. Téa. She’s never seen me without my top on,” he muttered.
He studied his broad chest. He was lightly covered with hair. His pecs
were well defined and his abs formed a tight “six-pack”.
Todd turned to Simon, “I’m a good looking man, aren’t I?”
“Yeah. Sure. You’re in a lot better physical shape than most,” said
Simon.
“Blair…she’s seen my body…” said Todd softly continuing to stare at
himself, as if mesmerized – in a trace – fighting something back.
“Blair is your first wife, right? What did she think of your body?” asked
Simon.
“Blair liked…to touch me,” he said.
“Did you like to touch her body?” asked Simon.
“I never felt comfortable touching her body but I did,” said Todd softly.
“Why?” prodded Simon.
“Because of the games she would play…” admitted Todd.
“How do you think Téa would react seeing you like this right now?” asked
Simon.
“I think she would stare at me. Ogle me. Study me. I dunno…she’d be
delighted…” he thought out loud. The word “delighted” sounded “off” to him
and it snapped him out of his trace. He reached into his drawer and grabbed
a sweatshirt, putting it on and covering himself up.
“You have a body most women desire in a man. Accept that,” said Simon.
Todd began to pace again, nervous and confused, “What’s happening to me?!”
“You’re coming together,” said Simon.
“Or falling apart,” said Todd, “I’m seeing and feeling so many different
things. Disgust. Pleasure. Disapproval. Desire…”
“You are not falling apart. You’re seeing memories you might have realized
you had as your alters let you take control. You’re feeling emotions you
didn’t think you could because you blocked them but now – your mind is
telling you you’re ready for them and they’re flooding your senses…”
explained Simon, “Soak them up Todd. Take them into you. Let them become a
part of you. Don’t fight them. Accept them.”
Todd just blankly stared at Simon, as he felt his stomach tie itself up in
knots.
“But not all of these so called memories are wonderful Doc. Some are
pretty bleak like the beatings – nights of rough sex with women – why
does…what does…Téa see in me?” cried Todd.
“The good Todd. The good. We’ve talked about what you think she sees in
you before. She’s seen you laugh and smile and be a good father to your
daughter. Don’t forget that…” said Simon.
“Sometimes I catch you looking at me Todd, like you do and you know what?
I like it when you do…”
The shrink was right. Téa had seen that side of him as well. It relaxed
him a bit.
Simon finally paid attention to Todd’s body language. He was exhibiting
signs of stress and anxiety. Simon reached over and took Todd’s pulse. It
was high.
He got Todd a glass of water from the bathroom and handed Todd a pill.
Todd took it without hesitation and Simon watched as the pill took its
effect. Todd relaxed as hi mind became filled with pleasant thoughts.
Simon walked towards the door.
“You sleep Todd. We’ll talk more in the morning,” said Simon as he left.
Todd laid down on his bed and his eyes drifted to the pictures of Starr and
Téa on the nightstand.
“I’ll be home soon…” he whispered, “Ready to be a father to you Shorty and
a real husband to you Téa…”
TO BE CONTINUED…
