Late at night, Chicago
on a cold December pier
overlooking Lake Michigan…
He stood at the end of the pier overlooking Lake Michigan. He always used
to come here to think when he was kid. He had been in town a day or two
since leaving Llanview. It was dark. Like his mood. His attitude. He
wore a long brown coat to keep out the cold. His hands where tucked deep
into his pockets. It was frigid but he didn’t feel a chill. His body shook
but he didn’t realize it. He didn’t feel a thing. Not physically. He
coughed.
His thoughts were chaotic. He couldn’t put them in order. He wanted to
find Michelle. She would believe him. She wasn’t here. She never would be
again. He had it all in the palm of his hand. Starr. Téa. A family. And
he loved Téa. He had kissed her passionately after the minister pronounced
them married - and he meant it. He loved her. He danced with her.
Romantically. He carried her over the threshold. He lit candles, poured
champagne - admitted to her he was scared. But he over came it and kissed
her. Taken off her necklace - they were on the bed, arms entwined and he
was going to make love to her. Tenderly. Gently. He was going to make
love to his wife…the woman he loved. He had only made love like that one
time before - with Michelle. Blair - it was different with Blair. Fuzzy.
And feelings, while physically intense, were not deep. Not deep like they
were for Téa.
He was going to share his body - physically - intimately - with his wife.
And it was taken away from him brutally because of a lie that was the truth.
He was thinking about so many things. His thoughts ran together and
sometimes he heard their thoughts too. Telling him what to do. How to
feel.
He looked down and saw the icy water of the lake lapping up against the
pier’s support struts. Cold. The water looked so cold. He coughed again.
I need a reason…can’t think without one now…
“What do jou want, Todd?”
“Peace. I want Peace. Shut up Rodd.”
“Mind your manners…”
An erotic visual entered his mind - he was in her arms on his wedding bed,
half undressed, Téa half undressed, his mouth tenderly suckling on her
breast…
“You know what I want Rodd? I want my wife! And my daughter. Together.
As a family and I can’t have that because…because…”
“…because of your father Todd? He haunts you Todd…”
“Yeah! I want my father out of my life but I can’t confront him!!”
A cold breeze stung his face. He sniffed as he felt it.
They gather and they shout at me screaming lady don’t…lady don’t go…
“Téa’s cool Todd. I like Téa. She’s fun Todd…”
“Téa does not know the DID is real Todd. If she knew it was real…”
Change gears. Too depressing to think about Téa like this…
“My daughter needs me…” said Todd outloud to himself. He closed his eyes
picturing Starr. Playing with her. The tent. With Téa. His voice was
rough and dry.
“Daddy Bear, Tee Bear, and Starr Bear…”
He started swaying as he lost himself in his thoughts further, going deeper
into the memories of his mind…
Do it. You want too…
Think about what you’re doing…
It’s not the morally right thing to do…
A blast of wind whipped off the lake’s surface. He coughed hard as it hit
him.
A flash - Téa’s lips on his. Téa in his arms. Her arms - her scent -
surrounding him…
The morally right thing to do is to be a father to my daughter and a
husband to my wife…
“ARGH!!” he screamed into the night pulling his hands out of his pockets,
clenching them.
“Téa!! Starr!!” he screamed, “I need you!! I need you and I don’t know
what to do about it!!”
Again, a cold blast of wind struck him, increasing his swaying.
“Get help.”
“Jump.”
“Don’t tell me what to do!!” he screamed into the dark of the night.
“Jou are a survivor Todd…”
The water looked cold to him. Icy. The wind was sharp and brisk. He
could feel himself swaying back and forth on the end of the pier like it was
precipice. He couldn’t stop the flashes of Téa. Or of Starr. Or of his
father. Todd Manning never wins. He never gets what he truly wants…!
Another sudden blast of frigid air swept past him. A tear froze on his
cheek.
“Téa!” his scream was loud. And raw.
He miss-stepped because of the fierce wind and quickly it snapped him out of
the revelry of his tortured thoughts. He felt the pier disappear from
underneath him.
“Reach out - damn you Todd!”
I don’t want to die!!
He lunged out desperately grabbing onto the edge of the pier, scared to
let go and slip into the ice freezing water.
He felt another hand on his.
A strong masculine hand pulled him back onto the pier.
“Mister, are you okay?” came a voice, “I heard you yelling.”
I always get what I want. I’m Todd Manning. You know how I am when I
want something.
“I need a doctor,” said Todd. He stood before the policeman who looked at
him full of concern. Snot was dripping out of Todd’s nose. His whole body
was shaking. He didn’t know what to do with his arms, crossing them and
uncrossing them.
“Yeah…sure Mister. What kind of doctor?”
“I need…a head doctor…” coughed Todd. His voice was horse.
The cop wrinkled his brow, “I saw what happened. The wind is bad.”
Todd rubbed his face with hand.
The cop reached out and grabbed Todd’s arm helping to brace him and pulled
him away from the edge of pier, “You’re sick Mister.”
“I know…” said Todd, “I want to get better…” spat Todd. His whole body was
shaking.
The cop noticed Todd’s eyes were glassy.
“Yeah…you need a doctor but I’m not sure if you need a shrink right now.”
The cop reached for his mag light, “Spit.”
“Huh?” sniffled Todd.
“I want you to spit!!” said the cop.
Todd spit on the pier. The cop flashed his mag light onto Todd’s spit. It
was red. Laced with blood.
“I’m taking you to a hospital Mister. I think you’ve got pneumonia,” said
the cop.
Todd sniffled and said nothing. The cop lead him down the pier and helped
him to get into his car.
She wants me to get better…Starr wants me to be the dad…
Téa wants me…she married me a second time…for love! Love…if she knew…she
loves me. She does…
The cop drove off noticing how Todd’s body still shook from the cold air.
TO BE CONTINUED…
