Early January,
Chicago,
The Lake Clinic…
“I don’t want to talk about that!!” shouted Todd bolting out of his chair,
causing it to fling out from under him.
Simon Lake, Todd’s therapist, saw the fire and anger on his patient’s face.
He crossed his arms and watched Todd’s reaction. Pete would have vocal in
his response, using curse words in a rapid-fire succession and Todd’s
response was lacking that. He made a note.
Todd went over to a nearby chair and kicked it.
“Show more respect for my furniture,” said Simon evenly.
“What? What kind of shrink are you? You care more about your furniture
than you do about me?!” spat Todd with venom in his voice.
“Answer my question. You say you have frequent sexual fantasies of your
wife. You say you can’t stop it. I asked you if your sexual fantasies get
violent. You have issues with sex and violence and ignoring them won’t make
them go away,” said Simon calmly but firmly.
Todd just started at Simon. His eyes grew narrow and he could feel the heat
flow through his veins. Lately, the more he thought of Téa, the more he
thought of sex. These thoughts of sexual intimacy were beginning to
overwhelm him. He loved her – he wanted to be intimate with her but his
dreams varied. One dream would be erotic. One would be tender. Once would
be violent – a violent memory involving his sick bastard father and his
first woman – Michelle Smith.
“You tell me – you tell me why I think about it…” hissed
Todd, “You’re the damn shrink!”
“I think when you began having sex – when you began to experiment with sex
and intimacy your initial attempts were violent,” said Simon noting Todd’s
body language, “You aren’t used to the loving intimacy Téa offers you
because of it.”
A flash of a naked young woman and a strand of blonde hair invaded his
thoughts. Todd furiously blinked his eyes.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” said Todd. His voice was cold.
“Do you have fantasies of having violent sex with your wife?” pushed Simon.
“No!! I don’t want that!! Not with her!! I want our first time…!!” Todd
paused realizing what he was saying.
“What about your first time?” asked Simon.
“I want it to be…gentle…” said Todd lowering his voice.
“How do you kiss her in your fantasy?” asked Simon.
Todd felt very uncomfortable, “Softly.”
“What position do you want to be in?” asked Simon bluntly.
“None of your business!!” exclaimed Todd.
“What position?!” pushed Simon.
“On top, I guess,” said Todd.
“Do you want to initiate the sex?”
“Yes,”
“In your fantasy, does she touch you back? Gently?” asked Simon.
“Yes. I don’t want to hurt her! Not again! And not with sex! I “will”
NEVER hurt Delgado with sex!!” cried Todd with rough emotion.
Simon stood up and walked up to him grabbing him by the arms, “I believe
you. Now believe in yourself.”
Todd blinked seeing an image of a woman kissing him softly and tenderly,
whispering words of love to him.
Simon noticed that Todd was strung out.
“What is it? What else do you see?” whispered Simon firmly.
“I do not hurt Téa. I do not sexually assault her. It is not violent
between us in these stupid dreams!” hissed Todd.
A flash of a hard hand hitting delicate, creamy, naked skin. Blue eyes
finding his in pain. Todd gasped for breath.
“Damn it Todd! What do you see?!” asked Simon.
“It’s not Téa…” whispered Todd.
Simon reached for Todd’s wrist and took his pulse. It was racing. Todd
looked pale, flush, and gasping for breath and his eyes betrayed his
confusion.
Simon dug into his pockets, pulled out a prescription bottle and produced a
pill. He held it out to Todd.
Todd hesitantly grabbed it and looked at it.
“I’ll get some water,” said Simon.
Todd remembered how good the pill made him feel the last time and took it on
a dry swallow right before Simon.
Simon stared at Todd, watching his physical reaction. Slowly, Todd regained
his breathing. He stumbled back and sat down on Simon’s couch, running his
hands through his hair. He looked up only to find Simon watching him.
“I want a haircut…” said Todd. His voice was relaxed.
Simon was surprised by his request, “Why Todd?”
“’cos I’m changing, Doc…” answered Todd.
Simon wrinkled his brow and waltzed over to his desk, grabbing his notes,
intensely scrutizing them. He noticed the last alter he talked to was Pete,
about 3 days ago. Today’s conversation would have brought out Pete. Should
have brought out Pete. But Todd seemed to display a balance between Todd
and Pete. Simon updated his notes and put them down, walking back up to
Todd.
“Todd, I’m going to take you to your room to relax. We’ll continue this
conversation later,” said Simon.
“Whatever,” said Todd. He was feeling very relaxed.
Simon crossed his arms. He was definitely going to continue this
conversation later, with the intent to purposely provoke the alter “Pete.”
Simon realized he hadn’t seen Todd’s alters in a while and he wanted
answers.
TO BE CONTINUED…
