Late December
Chicago
The Lake Clinic…
It was late at night. Todd sat down on his bed in his room looking out the
window. It was cold outside. Ice was on the exterior of the window. He
just continued to blankly stare out of it. It was Christmas and he
missed…his family.
What family Todd? They turned their backs on you?
No! No! You made them do that! Shut up you sick bastard!
Todd bit his lip and looked around his room. It was sparse. A bed. A
nightstand. A closet. Two pictures rested on the nightstand. Téa and
Starr. This was for them. And Viki. He would make Viki see. He picked up
Starr’s picture and stared at.
“Soon Shorty. Soon I’ll be home…” he whispered.
He had an intense session with Simon today. They had talked a lot about
the time his mother left. Abandonment issues. These past two weeks had been
suspenseful. Uncomfortable for him. He had raged and yelled and even once
cleared off Simon’s desk in a fit of anger when it got too “painful” for
him. He had faced Peter Manning again, relieving painful beatings and abuse
at his hands. But the voices…more and more they were blending into each
other. Into his voice.
He knew all this was just a build to talking about his father’s ultimate
violation. Sex. His eyes narrowed. Sex.
He’d had sex before. Michelle. Marty. Countless, nameless faces. Carol.
Blair. Sex. Love. Violence.
He looked at the phone. He should call Simon about these thoughts. He
talked a bit about sex with Simon before. A bit. Todd rubbed his face
beginning to feel uncomfortable in his own skin again. His first sexual
encounter with a woman was Michelle and his father…
“Argh!!” yelled Todd.
“Take a pill Todd. He was doing you a favor…showing you what a slut she
was…”
“My Ass! He never did me no favors! Never!” spat Todd. He got up and
kicked a chair in the corner of his room, furious at the invading thought.
His mouth was wet and wiped the back of his hand on it turning around…only
to spy Téa’s picture on nightstand. Sex. Love. Violence.
“I was going to give you what you wanted Delgado. I was going to have sex
with you on your wedding night…” he choked.
“No, Todd…not sex. Jou were going to make love with your wife. There is a
difference…”
“Difference? What’s the difference?” yelled Todd walking to the middle of
the room as he felt air spin around him.
“Jou feelings. How Jou feel about Téa?”
“I need her. I want her. She’s my wife. I care about her…” answered
Todd. The air continued to swirl around him and the features of the room
started to get blurry. He could feel his pulse race.
“Jou relax Todd. I will…show…you what it means to make love to her…”
Todd stumbled to his bed, collapsing on it. He felt his pulse pounding but
suddenly his mind was empty and he closed his eyes, trying to find…out what
Rodd meant by that.
The room quieted down. Todd could hear only his heavy breathing as it
mellowed out. Images filtered into his closed eyelids. Images of the woman
he was…in love with. She was laughing. Smiling. Her eyes were wide and
expressive. Her mouth - he liked to hear her laugh. See her smile. Her
hair was up. He liked her hair up. They were at the Bayberry. It was
Christmas time. Her clothes were tight, accenting every delicate curve.
Her soft flesh. Her red lips. Like a delicious meal for a ravenous
appetite.
He was rubbing her hands. And he was definitely feeling something.
Tingles. She was making him feel tingles.
She leaned into him and he allowed her to kiss him finding out that he
wanted her lips to do just that - kiss his. It was at the Bayberry where he
realized he found his five million dollar wife sexually attractive for the
first time. He kissed her back, wrapping his arms around her. Letting the
kisses get deeper - letting them grow. He’d kissed her this passionately
and this deeply before…
Everything went slowly. Eye contact. He reached out and grabbed her hand,
bringing it to his face. A gesture he enjoyed doing with her. And then he
realized he was hard.
“Todd, I love you, I do…”
“We’ll make this work. I swear to you…”
She took her clothes off for him. Teasing him with her naked body. He’d
seen her naked before. Soft and tender. She lay on the bed, enticing.
Inviting. He watched her every move as he unbuttoned his own shirt. He
took off his own clothes - looking at her with delight and fascination.
Finally, he stood before her, ready to devour his meal. He reached down and
began stroking himself seeing her before him, naked. This was sex.
“No Todd…this is love…
It’s not sex? It feels like sex. She doesn’t know what I can do to her.
How aggressive it can be…how I can be…
It’s love Todd.
He laid down on the bed next to her, kissing her, rubbing his naked body
all over hers wanting - no finally doing what he wanted to do to her for the
longest time. Fuck his wife.
No Todd. This is not fucking…
Todd licked her neck, eagerly tasting her the only way he knew
Todd…jou feelings…this is making love…
He dove into her. Thrust his hard cock deep into her. Thrilling her.
Thrilling himself.
Kissing her…
Consuming her…
“I love you Todd, I do…”
“We’ll make this work…”
“Awww!” he moaned out loud, “Téa!”
Her arms wrapped around him…
“I love you Todd, I do…”
“Téa,” he swallowed, “Don’t you go away…”
He felt his climax…warm and moist on his hand, dribbling down his fingers.
He opened his eyes, gasping for breath, realizing just what had happened.
He was still in his room but his pants were undone and it was obvious…he had
gotten himself off. He swallowed - horrified at his actions.
Disgusting animal, aren’t you Todd?
No, I’m not disgusting
Todd…it’s love…love…
Appalled, he stumbled into the bathroom and cleaned himself off, throwing
up in the middle of his ordeal - not knowing what to think with all the
voices in his head. One voice kept telling him he’d fantasized about making
love to his wife and it was all right. Another voice told him what he’d
done wasn’t right. It was unhealthy. He was torn - confused, now more than
ever. He stumbled back to the bed again and reached for the phone.
“Simon, it’s Todd…”
Pause.
“I don’t know what I just did but…” he hesitated.
Pause.
“I think…I just…fucked my wife…”
TO BE CONTINUED…
