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August 11, 2002
Written by Joe Rules, The Greatest
Professional Wrestler of All Time
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JWA TELEVISION
Another work of art has been created
in the form of JWA Television
Episode II. Here's what's on this week's
show:
JWA Television - Featuring the stars
of both THE JWA and The UWF -
August 10, 2002
1) From last week's show, we see a
brief clip of Reckless Youth's
pre-match interview.
2) Opening music highlight video.
3) Your host Joe Rules opens the show.
This week will focus on the
United Wrestling Federation Championship.
We're going to see how the
first-ever UWF Champ was crowned in
the UWF Title Gauntlet, which took
place August 18, 2000.
4) We go to the first match of the
Gauntlet, joined in progress:
"Little Dixie" Brian Brower
scores the upset pinfall over Billy
"Highlight" Reil.
5) Joe Rules cuts in to mention that
"Lightning" Mike Quackenbush
was
the only man to compete in both the
UWF Title Gauntlet and THE JWA
Quest For The Best World Title Tournament.
6) The Gauntlet continues with Mike
Quackenbush vs. Brian Brower.
Quackenbush wins it by countout thanks
to "Dirty" Don Montoya's
outside interference. Montoya attacked
both wrestlers, but the
referee missed it all.
7) Don Montoya quickly pinned Mike
Quackenbush with a heart punch.
Quackenbush was unable to mount any
kind of offence, since Montoya
attcked him during his bout with Dixie.
8) Flash Wheeler upset Don Montoya,
pinning him with a spine buster.
9) Flash Wheeler pinned Zieg with a
backslide.
10) Dr. Hurtz pinned Flash Wheeler.
11) Dr. Hurtz pinned Homicide with
a DDT to win the Gauntlet and
become the first United Wrestling Federation
Champion.
12) Joe Rules explains that a lot has
changed since the Gauntlet took
place. Just last month, Zieg defeated
Dr. Hurtz for the belt in a
Loser Retires Match. Joe Rules attempts
to call up Dr. Hurtz on his
cell phone for comments, but Hurtz simply
hangs up on him. A very
angry Joe Rules says that Zieg is a
much more honorable champion than
Hurtz ever could be ... and that Dr.
Click was a better doctor! Rules
reminds everyone to tune in next week.
-----
We'll have information on how you can
order the JWA Television tapes
very soon.
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MESSAGE BOARD/YAHOO! GROUP
Okay, the old Message Board on joerules.com
has been removed, and I'll
just be using this Yahoo! Group instead.
The Joe Rules Newsletter
will still originate from here, but
you can now feel free to post
messages yourself (just like that smartass
Evil Zebra did! :P )
If the messages become numerous, you
might want to change your setting
from Individual E-mails to Daily Digest.
Just go to
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/joerules
and you can take care of things
there.
More pictures from Rick's wedding have
been added to the Photos
section. I stole them from IndyCrap.com
:)
Also, checkout the links in the Bookmarks
section, and feel free to
leave one of your own.
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THE DRAGON'S LADY
I finished reading The Dragon's Lady
by Scott Carman and Elizabeth Joy
on Sunday. Great book. I enjoyed the
first half of the story, but
once I got to the second half, I couldn't
put it down.
It's a sci-fi/fantasy story, but the
father of one of the main
characters is a former professional
wrestler who now owns a wrestling
school in Upstate New York. In fact,
one of the climactic battles
between good and evil actually takes
place in the school's wrestling
ring. As you may remember, I was the
authors' "wrestling technical
advisor" for the story.
If you like dragons and knights and
sword fights--with some wrestling
moves thrown in--this is a book you'd
definiitely want to check out.
For more information, visit http://www.dragonsroost.net.
The Dragon's
Lady is published by Trafford Publishing.
=============================================
HUMOR
A new guy in town walks into a bar
and notices a very large jar behind
the counter which is filled to the brim
with ten dollar bills. The man
guesses there must be thousands of dollars
in it and approaches the
bartender to ask:
Man: "What's up with the jar?"
Bartender: "Well, you pay ten
dollars and if you pass three tests,
then you get all the money."
Man: "What are the three tests?"
Bartender: "Pay first. Those are
the rules."
So the guy gives him the ten bucks
and the bartender adds it to the jar.
Bartender: "OK, here's what you
have to do. First you have to drink
that whole gallon of pepper tequila,
the WHOLE thing at once AND, you
can't make a face while doing it. Second,
there is a pit bull chained
up out back with a sore tooth... you
have to remove the tooth with
your bare hands. Third, there is a 90
year old woman upstairs who's
never had an orgasm in her life. You
gotta make things right for her."
Man: "Well, I know I've paid my
ten bucks but I'm not an idiot, I
won't do it. You have to be nuts to
drink a gallon of tequila and get
crazier from there."
Bartender: "Your call. But your
money stays in the jar."
Well, as time goes on and the man drinks
a few, he asks, "Wherez zat
teeqeelah?"
He grabs the gallon of tequila with
both hands and downs it with a big
slurp. Tears are streaming down his
cheeks, but he doesn't make a face.
Next he staggers out back and soon
all the people inside hear a huge
scuffle going on. They hear barking
and screams, yelps and growling,
and eventually silence.
Just when they think the man must surely
be dead, he staggers back
into the bar, his shirt ripped and big
scratches all over his body.
"NOW," he says, "where's
that woman with the sore tooth?"
=============================================
UWF PHANTOM MENACE TOUR
Show #16: "Tag Team Warfare"
01) Frankie Starz & The Orphan
defeated the debuting Christopher Idol
and Christopher Idle
02) Middknight and Ron Zombie (w/Trinity)
defeated Hallowicked and
Ichabod Slain
03) Joe Rules & James Proper defeated
Grand Master B & Red Hot Russ
04) Rain Child & Jay Lethal defeated
The Soul Taker & The Soul Survivor
05) Mike Quackenbush & Reckless
Youth defeated The Killer Kreed Klan
06) Trinity defeated Lexie Fyfe; afterwards,
Rules produced Amanda
Storm to challenge Trinity at the next
show
06) Mister Zero & Homicide defeated
Dixie and Magic with a double-team
on Dixie; HMF inexplicably interfered,
so Magic chased him away just
in time for the heels to take over on
Dixie
07) Elax & The Blue Dragon defeated
The Lothario & The Mighty Suba;
afterwards, Suba had to be restrained
from murdering the referee
08) Zieg (with Dave Desire) defeated
J.T. Loner (with Rick Silver)
after cracking him with a steel chair;
afterwards, Zieg split open
both Loner & Silver and Desire made
both wrestlers tap out to his
Union Jack Sharpshooter submission hold
09) Hubie Volk & The Thomas Brothers
defeated Guillotine LeGrande,
T-Bonz & Trey Owens; as a result,
The Thomas Brothers became #1
contenders and Hubie Volk gets to fight
Guillotine in "any kind of
match he wants" at the next UWF
show (this was the Thomas' return to
the ring)
-----
Show #17: The Beginning of the End
01) Guillotine LeGrande demanded to
know what kind of match he would
be fighting Hubie Volk in tonight; Hubie
Volk informed him it was the
"curtain jerking match" and
proceeded to kick the shit out of LeGrande
until LeGrande eked out a win with the
help of a pair of brass knuckles
02) Amanda Storm (with Joe Rules &
Luxurious Lynne) defeated Trinity
H. Campbell; afterward, Rules &
Lynne made the mistake of insulting
both Storm & Campbell, who proceeded
to chase Lynne & Rules away; Ron
Zombie & Middknight chased them
back, where Storm & Campbell
annihilated them
03) Rain Child & Jay Lethal demanded
to be known as #1 contenders for
the tag team titles; they were interrupted
and challenged by #1
contenders The Thomas Brothers. Child
and Lethal were disqualified for
Child's use of a steel chair on one
of the Thomas Brothers
04) Dixie defeated HMF; afterwards,
Homicide (with Mr. Zero) ran in
and gave him the Cop Killa
05) UWF Owner Dave Desire announced
that in a few short weeks, he
would have two announcements that would
ROCK the UWF. He said that one
involves his ownership in the company,
and the other involves the
final chapter in the NEPW vs. UWF war.
J.T. Loner interrupted him and
demanded a rematch with Zieg tonight.
Dave Desire said he can have it,
but only if it can be conducted with
"I-Quit" rules. J.T. Loner
said,
"you want to see I-Quit?"
Dave Desire said yes, and J.T. Loner
put HIM
in the sharpshooter, and made him tap
out.
06) UWF Tag Team Champions Trey Owens
& T-Bonz defeated Mike
Quackenbush & Reckless Youth. Afterward,
Blind Rage, Hallowicked &
Ichabod Slain attacked Quackenbush &
Reckless and left them laying in
the middle of the ring
07) Magic defeated Homicide; however,
afterwards, Mister Zero
assaulted Magic, stole his mask, and
ran away like a thief in the
night - Magic had to cover his face
with a towel and leave in shame
08) "The Lothario" Tony Lazaro
and The Mighty Suba defeated Elax &
The
Blue dragon in a rematch from last month,
thanks in no small party to
the interference of The Killer Kreed
Klan. Suba took offense to the
K.K.K.'s comment that "they owe
us", and, despite Lazaro's pleadings
not to, hauled off and destroyed the
K.K.K. before chasing Lazaro, and
everyone else, out of the ring
09) Zieg defeated J.T. Loner in an
"I-Quit" match. Zieg hung
Loner
over the top rope, and unseen to the
referee, Dave Desire had snuck
underneath the ring and held Loner's
feet so he could not possibly
free himself; he had no choice but to
say "I-Quit". During the
confusion, Rick Silver was tossed out
of the locker room beaten half
to death, and Trey Owens & T-Bonz
followed him out to continue the
attack; but surprisingly, The Maniacal
Hubie Volk ran out and cleared
house with a kendo stick on the tag
team champions - while he did
that, Rick Silver recovered, headed
to the ring, and walloped Zieg and
Desire with a steel chair, sending them
both packing
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ACW SHOW TONIGHT
I'll be returning to Jason Knight's
Assault Championship Wrestling
TONIGHT in Connecticut. I have absolutely
no idea what I'll be doing
on the show. I was just told, "We'll
find something for you." Ah,
the wrestling business! lol
Here's all the info about the show,
from assaultwrestling.com:
NEXT LEVEL PRESS RELEASE
It's all final. Everything is in place
and history is ready to be
made in Assault Championship Wrestling.
Here is your official Press
Release!
Jason Knight Productions presents Assault
Championship Wrestling's
"The Next Level, Anger Rising"
Saturday, August 10th, 2002
Déjà Vu Restaurant &
Lounge
317 Farmington Avenue (Rt. 10), Plainville,
CT
(860) 747-5220
Doors open at 5:00pm, all tickets are
only $15.00. Tickets available
at Déjà Vu, and at the
door the day of the show. They can also
be
purchased online.
This will be an outdoor event, plenty
of chairs will be provided
around ringside. Please come early for
the outdoor BBQ sponsored by
Budweiser, there will be several guest
celebrity bartenders which will
include, ACW Divas: NWA/TNA & Pile
Driver Radio Superstar Miss
Bobcat, Tracy Brooks (for more on this
newcomer to ACW, visit
www.notjustanotherprettyface.cjb.net),
Alura & Talia!!!
Drink specials will be available along
with great food! All ages are
welcome.
Assault Championship Wrestling and
Assault TV, have truly become the
pioneers in the streaming video department,
as they celebrate their
first year and a half of weekly on demand
internet video programming.
For more information please visit www.assaultwrestling.com
for more
details as we delve into our summer
schedule & feel free to go to the
website to view "Assault TV"
which there is a new episode every week.
Also for those in the area, tune in
to New Rock Radio 104 WMRQ for The
Carlito Show starting at 7pm weekdays.
Also Pile Driver Radio every
Wednesday at 10pm with ACW's own Miss
Bobcat! E-mail HPDojo@aol.com
Be sure to come early to get autographs
from your favorite ACW Superstars!
ACW T-shirts and merchandise will be
available with a new & improved
logo.
There will also be a special display
with information on how to join
Jason Knight's House of Pain Pro Wrestling
DOJO!
We highly encourage you to take part
in our raffle that will take
place at intermission. There will be
some really interesting prizes!
Also be sure to pick up a copy of our
very first ACW Newsletter filled
with really cool information on all
of your favorite ACW Superstars
and the happenings going on at ACW Headquarters!
THE CARD:
* ACW Heavyweight Champion "The
Chair Swinging Freak" Balls
Mahoney will defend his title against
former two time Great American
Champion, "The Machine" Jeff
Rocker.
* "The Rocket" Fred Curry,
Jr. vs. "Sudden Impact" Dylan
Kage in a
Ladder Match, weapons of choice on separate
15ft. poles on the
opposite corners of the ring. Who will
climb the "STAIRWAY TO VENGEANCE"?!
* Jason F'n Knight & Apollo, fresh
off his knee surgery will
battle The Mutilators in a Hardcore
Tag-Team Barbed Wire Match.
* In a true battle for redemption,
ACW Great American Champion,
Bull Dredd, will defend against the
man that nearly cost him his title
shot, none other than, IceBerg.
* The Rednecks From Hell will defend
their ACW Tag Team Titles
against the newest House of Pain Pro
Wrestling DOJO graduates Tsunami
& Graves.
* A special ladies match, Latin Sensation
Mercedes Martinez vs.
ACW newcomer from Canada Tracy Brooks.
* Former ACW Heavyweight Champion
"Hi Flying" Chris Hamrick
vs.
Chi Chi Cruz.
* ACW Junior Heavyweight Champion
"Fantastic" Jim Nastic goes
one
on one with former champion, Scotty
Charisma in a return grudge match.
* Former ECW Superstar, the amazing
Chris Chetti will compete!
* Johnny Thunder w/ Alura will appear.
* "Silent Rage" A.C. Coaltrain
w/ Mike E. Milano will return.
* "The Original Mr. Lover Man"
Shabba White will do battle with
Jason Rage.
* Saudi Arabia's Sheik Ali Abdullah
& his protégé issue
a
challenge to any American athlete.
Card subject to change without notice.
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WHAT'S NEW AT JOERULES.COM
As you've already read, the Message
Board has been replaced by this
Yahoo! Group.
Every so often, Angelfire manages to
F up one of my pages. This time,
the list of Indy Wrestlers has been
partially erased. Therefore, I'm
just going to remove the whole @#$%
section.
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UPCOMING EVENTS
Ausust 10 ... 5:00 p.m. ... Assault
Championship Wrestling at the Deja
Vu Restaurant & Lounge in Plainville,
Connecticut (TONIGHT!)
August 17 ... Special Scout Day! (tentatively
scheduled)
August 23 ... 7:30 p.m. ... North East
Pro Wrestling at the NEPW
School in Staten Island, New York ...
I'll (probably) be there to
check out the action
August 24 ... A possible return to
Assault Championship Wrestling
September 2 ... Labor Day
September 11 ... 9-11-01 Remembered
September 28 ... 7:30 p.m. ... Great
Wrestling Federation at the
Boonton Elks in Boonton, New Jersey
... Don't know if I'll be
wrestling, but I'll definitely be in
attendace!
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See you next week. Till then, remember....
JOE RULES!!! It's not just a name--It's
a FACT!
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