Still Sick
Yeah, I'm still chillin' here in my room. I did go out and get a fwe things done, but yeah...
So there's this guy, AJ, remember he was the guy I met at the party and I can't remember what he looks like? Well yeah, I've been talking to him for a while now on Facebook. I think things might go well with him. But who knows?

Aw man!
Type C Strep Throat.
That's what the doctor-lady told me I have. Alls I know is I feel like crap-no. crap would be an upgrade to how I feel. This is all my roommate's fault, I caught it from her. It's 7:10, the rest of the floor it "pre-gaming" for the parties tonight, and I'm slumming alone in my PJs because everyone ditched the sick girl. I should of gone to Barnes and Nobles and hung out for a while. But I'm just lazy-feeling. No one to hang out with. No one to take care of me. It's just me... sick.. alone...
I guess LDC is this weekend, snd I'm not there... how sad..

It's not Friday yet? Are you sure?
Today is so dismal. It's just a crappy day. It was cold.
I was once again finding myself reading Prozac Nation and finsing myself ralted on a smaller scale. Where Elizabeth Wurtzel finds no way to her knowledge to defeat her depression, It's the same thing I feel about not fitting in here.
Something Emily said really hit me last night. I was googling over It just made me well mad for one, and once again having this hopeless feeling that it's me. That I have turned into this person that no one can relate to. Nobody wants to be caught talking to me because I'm a freak. All this living, everyting I've worked so hard for, and it's all amounted to me being freaky and alone.

Oh me....
I'm so confused about these things. Part of me just wants to wait until I can be with Rusty. Part of me will die if I never get that chance. Part of me wants to give up, write all of this waiting off and just come to realize that as muc has I wanted it I could never have it. But my mind refuses to accept that I could do that.
You see, I'm torn in two directions about this whole thing.
I need to change. I need to become someone esle completly. Because who I am is not anything anyone wants. No one wants me. Because I'm so different.

Later That Same Day...
GRRR! I'm so frustrated! Why can't things be simpler than this? Love, yes LOVE! I think about not having him in my life, and it's misery. thinking that I might never see him again, kills me inside. I'm waiting to be with him. I have dreams about the day when we can finally give this thing a try. But it seems more and more esch day that this will never work out.
He has no idea that I wanted to cry the whole time I was on the phone with him because it was like he saying goodbye.

Too early to be up yet
And yet here I am, awake, a little hungover, and listening to my suitmate's alarm clock go off(she's not in her room)
So to say the least, I drank a little last night. Emily and I pooled some money and got a bottle of lime smirnoff and a bottle of jack daniels. We did't have much of either. I mean, it's really not that fun when you're in your room with no party to go to... Started around 7 or 8 and finished up the drinking around 9 or 10. I had a little more than Emily... but it was fun....

Things Drunk People Do
Half JD and half Lime vodka in a shot glass(kicked my ass)
Strawberry Kiwi snapple with lime vodka over ice (I loved this one)
Coke with lime vodka (Now THIS was yummy)
Coke with JD (So-so)

Snow? Here?
It's been snowing all day here at CSU. I still had classes of course. It has to stow like ten feet in an hour to close school here. But' it's no that bad as long as the wind doesn't kick up too bad.
So this new fish of mine has no personality... He's jsut bleh....
I'm playing phone tag with someone.... he always manages to call me when I'm away from my phone.. or asleep....

Oh I'm in heavan!
Ya know what I like about new classes? Meeting more hot guys! Oh man, there are some 11's in my classes. I'm going to have fun meeting and chasing each and every one of them... Perhaps I'll find one to spend the rest of my life with! lol...
So in other news... I'm pretty sure my composition professor has a lazy eye... And I sit by this hottie with nice eyes...
Well..I'm sleepy... OHQ and I get to sleep inti'll noon manana! great!
Well ciao!

First dya of the semester tomorrow..
Mood:  lyrical
I was in the shower just a few minutes ago, and my muse came to me.. Ok. to make this less glamorous, I started singing. It was lyrics of my own making. Kinda went like this:

I hate you because of the unreturned love
I hate you because you love her
I hate you because she loves you less than I do
I hate you because I can't let go
I hate this, because you made so many promises
I hate that none of them came true...
You would have been my firwst kiss-
that's how much I loved you

so on and so forth...
I guess I just had a lot on my mind.. here's a poem I wrote a while ago... and now it's kinda true.. :(

Zeester,
He used to call me that.
I remember his sad blue eyes
The day I said goodbye.
But I still saw him
Everywhere and everyday;
In the halls,
On the street,
Outside on a sidewalk,
At my door,
And in my arms
Again and again.
But I had said godbye.

yeah.... that sucks.

Well, that was an interesting night...
So spent a good portion of the night untill around one something in the morning chatting with this guy.. I guess I had talked to him before, like this summer. So we IMed until around, let's say 11:30-ish, and then he called me, and we talked until like, almost 2 in the morning. Brown, curly hair, blue eyes, and an Irish sccent! Or was it Scottish, well whatever it was, it was pretty predominant. Oh and he's from Minnisota. So Scottish accent, from Minnisota. Not from Scotland.... Hmm... I have a feeling he was faking it, but he never slipped at all.. interesting...
I talked to that guy again, Tom, I think that is his name.. Seems like a good enough guy.. Funny, smart, a good cook... not into football really... It's like someone took that list of attributes I made and actually made a guy to my stipulations...