I'm so confused about these things. Part of me just wants to wait until I can be with Rusty. Part of me will die if I never get that chance. Part of me wants to give up, write all of this waiting off and just come to realize that as muc has I wanted it I could never have it. But my mind refuses to accept that I could do that.
You see, I'm torn in two directions about this whole thing.
I need to change. I need to become someone esle completly. Because who I am is not anything anyone wants. No one wants me. Because I'm so different.