Conspiracy Newsletter #4

Pascagoula, Mississippi  (AP:VRWC) December 14, 2002

In a shocking and bizarre new twist in the ongoing (Birth day remarks-Gate scandal), an increasingly desperate Senator Trent Lott announced today that he is actually an African American, and he used to walk the streets of Harlem whenever he was on college break.

In a prelude to his upcoming appearance on BET, he appeared at a sparsely-attended press conference outside his local office, resplendent in a colorful daishiki, with his formerly shellacked hair frizzing freely in a three-foot diameter "afro-style" hairdo.

"As you all know, Bill Clinton was the first black president. Well, I'm the first black Senate Majority Leader. It's truly a proud day for the Republican Party and the African-American community."

"I know that many of you will be surprised to learn that I was 'passing' all of these years. It was a deep, dark family secret."

"My great-great grandmother was a laborer on a plantation outside of Biloxi. My great-grandfather was a mulatto, my grandmother was a quadroon, and my mother was an octoroon, which makes me a hexidecaroon. As all of you from hereabouts know, just a touch of one hair of the tar brush means that I can never be truly white."

"I have to say that it's quite a relief to finally let my true nature come out after all these years."

"Every morning it used to take me over an hour to apply a fresh coat of lacquer to my hair, to keep it under control."

"The 'Singing Senators' will finally be fully integrated, and my deep rich bass voice can harmonize fully and freely, in pride of my heritage. I'll be able to tap my feet in actual rhythm with the music as I vocalize, without any more fear of giving myself away."

When he came to the end of the formal statement, he repeated it in Swahili, Mandingo, and Ibo, followed by a tongue-clicking rendition in the language of the South African Bushmen.

In response to questions as to whether he was simply pandering in order to cling to power, he appeared shocked and angered.

"It pains me to even hear such a question."

"This isn't about power. It's about bonding with my community. That's why as soon as the Senate goes back into session in January, I'm going to sponsor a bill to make Kwanzaa an official government holiday, and move to put Martin Luther King's face on the twenty dollar bill. For too long has our currency been sullied by the face of that redneck Andy Jackson."

Calls to the office of the Black Congressional Caucus to determine if he had yet joined were unreturned.  Senator Robert "Sheets" Byrd said "he and Bro. Jesse Jackson would meet with Lott to disgust his situation.

From an article in the Transterrestrial Musings


Bill Clinton praises rabid segregationist and says he was  my mentor. The question is... should he resign as Past President and give up all privileges and compensation. And because of his past association with a know racist is he a racist?

May 5, 1993, in what the Washington Post characterized as a "... moving 88th birthday ceremony for former senator William Fulbright, President Clinton last night bestowed the Presidential Medal of Freedom on the man he described as a visionary humanitarian, a steadfast supporter of the values of education, and 'my mentor.'" The American political system produced this remarkable man, and my state did, and I'm real proud of it."

Of course, the man Clinton was praising, who he called his "mentor," who supposedly embraced utopian values and made the world a better place for everyone, was also a rabid segregationist.

In 1956, Fulbright was one of 19 senators who issued a statement entitled the "Southern Manifesto." This document condemned the 1954 U.S. Supreme Court decision in Brown v. Board of Education. Its signers stated, among other things, that "We commend the motives of those States which have declared the intention to resist forced integration by any lawful means." They stated further, "We pledge ourselves to use all lawful means to bring about reversal of this decision which is contrary to the Constitution and to prevent the use of force in its implementation."

Of course, in 1957, the first serious challenge to Brown occurred in Fulbright's backyard. Fulbright's Democrat colleague, Arkansas Governor Orval Faubus (another early Clinton backer) ordered the National Guard to surround Central High School in Little Rock to prevent nine black students from attending the school. President Dwight Eisenhower dispatched the 101st Airborne Division to protect these teenagers and enforce the Supreme Court's decision.

Fulbright later voted against the 1964 Civil Rights Act. He voted against the 1965 Voting Rights Act. And he did so because he believed in separating the races in schools and other public places. He was a segregationist, heart and soul.

Clinton's said the other mentor in his life is Senator Robert Bryd whose friends call him "sheets."

Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott will decide this week not to call it quits as Senate Majority Leader according to unnamed source who is align closely with VRWC. According to the unnamed source he will accept additional duties as Committee Chairman of the Custodial duties of the Senate.

It must have been getting really, really hot in that kitchen. Not as hot as it's gonna be in hell for this guy.

According to unnamed source who is align closely with VRWC and  who have sources deep in the Vatican say Boston's Cardinal Law will offers his Resignation on Friday, sources say he will accept a new position in Rome.---- Paul Shanley is released on bond of $300,000 yesterday. Bond is posted by family(huh?) friends(NAMBLA?) and supporters(another big HUH?) who could not come up with the 300 large before yesterday. Are these two events related??

If Barney Frank decides to retire, then this Paul Shankey can run  for congress and become a Congressman from Boston. He should get about 80% of the Boston votes.

According to the AP. and sources inside VRWC  who are unnamed say that North Korea has fired the  Minister Of Weapon-Hiding. They were  hiding Scuds under bags of cement 'boneheaded' North Korea, still smarting from having one of its vessels interdicted in the Arabian Sea with several poorly hidden Scud missiles on board, today fired its Minister of Weapon-Hiding, the North Korean government announced. In an official statement, the North Koreans said that Mr. Jang Soon Choul would step down as Minister Of Weapon-Hiding and will accept a new position in front of a firing squad.

According to NBC and sources deep inside VRWC :*********Among South Florida holiday lawn displays, one in particular is spreading less than good cheer. You don't have to look very carefully to spot the giant wooden middle finger (pictured) among the lawn Santas, reindeer and lights in one Pompano Beach neighborhood. The homeowner said he was inspired when someone speeding by his yard hit and killed his Jack Russel terrier, Whiskey. He says his lawn decor is working like a traffic sign.

Next month there will be a Sectional meeting of all local Directors. If you plan on attending call Miss Millie so she can notify the local Western Sizzler of the number of people to expect for the food bar. Dessert is included. The Sectional secret meeting is being held at "Area 202". (That makes it twice are hard to find as "Area 101") 

Remember, the conspiracy you save MAY be your OWN!


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